I'm big on mantras, and here's one of my favorites: Before having sex, you need to use your HEAD, or else you'll break your HEART. Notice I said that YOU will break your heart, not someone else. It seems easy to back up and think before taking the plunge, but when you're near this person who makes your heart flutter and your breathing quicken, it's easy to throw all logic out the window and tell yourself that this other person is the one "causing" the love. It's easy to confuse a feeling of chemistry with the real deal, but in order to distinguish between the two you have to realize that love happens within you — it's not because of this other person, no matter how much it feels like it's outside of you. When you share your internal love with someone, there is shared energy. If you break up, the shift in energy is painful. How can you avoid this pain?
The basic answer is that you can't. It's a fact of life that change will happen, whether its change you like or not, and no matter how much you may want to stop the tides from coming in and going out again, they will continue to do with or without your permission.So you have two choices: you can either go about spending all your time trying to be the first person in history to make the tides do your bidding (like many of us do with love), or you can accept that it is how it is, and live with that.
At first, I interpreted "it is how it is" to mean that I had to accept that men were heartbreakers, that they would always hurt me, and that no matter what I did, I would end up broken and scarred. After a while, however, I realized that I needed to stop looking for some magic perfect love, and instead focus on finding what I really wanted: someone who would stick with me through thick and thin, who would never abandon or dismiss me, and who would respect and cherish my very presence.
And after looking high and low for that person, I finally discovered that I didn't have to look at all — that person was ME. Love was something that was inside of me all along, not "out there" in someone's arms or someone's bed.When I look back on it, I can see now that this discovery was one of the most important epiphanies in my entire life. When you learn that the love you want so intensely is inside of you, you become awakened to a truly amazing higher truth.
When we accept that we are the love we seek, we can then concentrate on sharing ourselves with others who feel the same and have the same beliefs, and who know that the key to a fulfilling relationship is not just attraction and chemistry, but sharing souls, spirits, respect, and of course compatibility. This is the way to become heart-smart!
Here are some steps to get you on the right road:
- Make your safety and integrity your highest priorities. Don't compromise your core values for the sake of trying to attract or keep someone near you.
- Remember that when you're having the feeling of love towards someone, it doesn't necessarily indicate that this person is a good match for you.
- Learn to tell the difference between a good match and mere chemistry by developing your self-inquiry skills. Make this a habit.
- Know that sex will inevitably change everything, and doing it at the wrong time with the wrong person can lead to a broken heart, so stop and think before you make that move.
- Just because you feel like love is somewhere out there doesn't mean it is! Seek your higher truth and find true love inside you!