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From The Experts

We've gathered knowledgeable, dedicated divorce experts from a variety of fields to lend their advice and perspectives. Our experts include lawyers, healthcare professionals, certified professionals, and everyday women with insight into the topics that will help you stay empowered.

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There's something about the game of love that can turn perfectly normal people into Jekyll and Hyde. One minute we feel fine, balanced, even content; then the object of our affections walks into the room, and all of a sudden we're bending over backwards to twist our values and boundaries to match what we think this person wants to see and hear. Then we go even crazier trying to find what we lost of ourselves, while still trying to salvage part of the dream of Happily Ever After.  It's enough to make you wonder when you're finally going to have that "next time" when you'll just be yourself, when you'll have a peaceful life and a better relationship. 

The great news is that you can start having that better reality right now! Here's some advice on how to get started:

Dear Maryanne,
My girlfriend and I have a serious relationship together. She thinks I’m cheating on her even though I am not cheating on her. She also has been trying to find ways to track my cell phone or track my text messages. She’s now questioning if I am bi or not. She did all this without talking to me as I found this out. What do I do and why is she doing this? I am not cheating on her, nor am I bi and I have nothing to hide. I love her very much.

- Robert (30, Lakewood, CO, USA)

Dear Robert,

Well, I think one of two things could be going on here. Often someone who starts throwing random accusations around does so as a cover for their own guilty behavior. If you've given her no reason to think that you're bi, hiding, or cheating, then perhaps she is the one engaging in those things.

The other possibility is that she just got the idea planted in her head somehow that you were up to no good, and then her insecurity took hold of that idea and spun it into a paranoid crisis of gigantic proportions. Things like that do happen sometimes. Have a talk with your girlfriend and ask her what made her start having these suspicions. If she doesn't have any concrete answer or can't pinpoint a specific thing, it's time to talk about trust and boundaries. Obviously she needs to stop tracking you, needs to respect that your phone messages are not up for investigation. If she still cannot trust you no matter how much you have shown yourself to be trustworthy, then it's better that you know this now rather than after you get married or have kids!

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