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If you are sure your husband is having an affair, your first reaction may be to react (with anger, tears, threats), instead of responding with reason. An affair is a crisis — time seems condensed, and we feel that we have to fix the situation...right now.

But before you react, you should do some homework. Try to find whatever you need to avoid acting impulsively and doing more harm (to the marriage, and to yourself) than good.

Before confronting your husband, consider such questions as…

What are the facts?

Never make an accusation of infidelity before you have proof. Intuition can be wrong. Just because you think he is cheating doesn’t mean he is. Don’t jump to conclusions until you’ve done your homework. Nothing is more damaging to a marriage than an unfounded accusation of infidelity. There are various signs that suggest he may be cheating. A few of them are listed below, but none of these is proof:

• There is a drastic change in his daily routine.

• Your spouse is suddenly working out and overly concerned about his appearance.

• He begins to dress differently, perhaps wearing clothes that are younger, or hipper.

• He is working more over-time or coming in from work later than usual.

• You see strange phone numbers on the phone bill.

• He is secretive about cell phone calls.

• He has withdrawn emotionally and sexually.

• He is spending a lot of time on the computer.

• You are sensing a lot of anger toward things that normally wouldn’t bother him.

Maybe he’s cheating, but maybe he decided he had to work harder and look sharper to keep his job. Proof, on the other hand, is proof: an indiscrete letter, the two of them spotted together, a clear lie about where he is and what he’s doing.

Do you really know how you’re going to react if he cheats?

If your husband really has cheated, you have to decide whether you want to save the marriage or end it. We all think, “If I ever catch him cheating, it’s over.” But when it’s real, and when you have reasons to keep the marriage together (financial, emotional, situational, physical), and you still love him, you may find yourself holding back on the nuclear option.

Infidelity does not have to be a deathblow to your marriage. It can survive, and even become stronger, if you can find it in yourself to forgive him, to let go of the past, rebuild trust, determine why it happened, and get into marriage therapy.

Getting your head and heart straight and aligned before confronting your husband can pay big dividends in the future.

How will you confront him?

Be calm, be reasonable, be rational. Bringing up the issue in an offensive manner (starting with a furious “How could you?” for instance), will only make him defensive. It may sound odd, but you want your spouse to feel he can trust you with information. In other words, he is more likely to tell you bad news if he knows you aren’t going to go crazy, or throw it back at him.

Make it a conversation, not an accusation. And stay calm, so you can use the information he’s giving you in a constructive way. This is especially important if you want to save the marriage, but it’s also important if you plan to divorce him.

Any information you obtain from him can be used in your own best interest. The more rational you are, the more information you are likely to receive. If your husband has cheated, information is key for you to heal, and useful if you end up in divorce court.

What if he’s lied to you?

Hire an expert! If you feel that your husband is not being truthful and he is behaving like someone who is having an affair, it is time to hire someone who is trained in getting evidence.

A licensed private investigator can provide you with details concerning your husband’s relationship with another woman: who she is, where they go, how long they spend there, how often they are together. A private eye will also provide documentation in the form of reports, receipts, videotape, photographs. If you want a conversation starter, just showing him a photograph, and then saying, “I’d like to hear what you’ve been feeling lately” will probably work pretty well.

If you decide to divorce, the information will also be important during divorce settlement negotiations.

Will you need a lawyer?

If you decide to divorce, most definitely yes. An attorney will give you advice regarding your legal options, your state’s divorce laws. Even if your state has no-fault divorce (most do), most judges still have great discretion in divorce cases. Infidelity can play a role in what kind of divorce settlement you will get.

Who is responsible for his infidelity?

It isn’t you. Be careful not to shoulder the responsibility. Men have an uncanny ability to point a finger and blame the wife. The sad thing is that some wives buy into it.

It is normal to question your role in the relationship. You may find yourself questioning your own behavior — were you attentive enough, were you sexy enough — but you are not to blame. Infidelity is often a form of domestic abuse, destroying a wife’s self-esteem and leaving her feeling battered.People grow and mature by taking responsibility for their behavior. Help him grow: put the responsibility firmly in his lap. If you get lucky he will become a better husband, and you will have learned how to communicate even better than before.

If not, maybe your ex will at least be civil to you.

 

Related Content:

How To Catch a Cheating Husband, 15 Signs to look for if you suspect your mate is cheating

7 Signs Your Husband is Cheating, by author, Christina Rowe (author of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce — What Every Woman Needs to Know)

3 Financial Clues That He's Looking for a Divorce — a video interview with Financial Expert, Lili Vasileff

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147 comments

  • Comment Link Gadpale  panchshila Monday, 14 April 2014 07:01 posted by Gadpale panchshila

    my husband is in affair from nearly 1 and half year i am sick and tired of what he is doing the problem is that i cant stop him from going to affair i cant even understand why he is doing like that if u have any solution then please send me please i am requesting u

  • Comment Link jo-ann Saturday, 12 April 2014 06:09 posted by jo-ann

    my husband has been cheating on me so many times and so many times i did forgive him but this time i dont know how to do it when ever i confront him about the oter woman he gets upset and he told me that they are,nt seeing each other anymore but i dont believe him because they are still in contact with each other i saw massages of them on his face book and when i confront him about it he gets angry

  • Comment Link kim Wednesday, 09 April 2014 15:44 posted by kim

    Just found out my husband has been having a 1 and half affair. He says hes sorry and is begging forgiveness. I love him but I am so hurt and confused right now. I have asked him to leave so I could get myself in a better state of mind but he won't go. He doesn't want anyone to know what he has done and wants to be here to show me how wonderful he can be and beg my forgiveness. This has done so much to my self-esteem. He was mean to me during the affair and now this is the final blow. I wish I could trust him again but I dont that is possible. Is time away from each other what we need? Thanks Broken

  • Comment Link Velma Witkowski Thursday, 27 March 2014 16:08 posted by Velma Witkowski

    I have so much trouble with my car and my other things like my apt and the things there, my mail and other things even my phone calls. Can I find out what is going on with him, he married another woman so what is up however, I still seem to be having problems with my car and license and other things... What can do about. He even has his employees messed up and they won't talk to me and then my relatives even my Brother in law Charlie told me he wanted to get off the case of going after my daughter and my son's and $20,000 each to bribe them to go with him and worked on my son' girlfriends mothers car for free to own them... I do have custody however, he manipulates the whole situation. What can I do!

  • Comment Link maria Friday, 21 March 2014 22:35 posted by maria

    if you really love her, you should be ready to risk anything just to get her back.

  • Comment Link Charmilla Tuesday, 11 March 2014 17:53 posted by Charmilla

    Nice one Angilica! I use YouTap too, it's awesome! Because of it I found out that my spouse was actually very faithful, quite the opposite of what I suspected when I started using the YouTap wiretap :) The article above suggests to hire a private investigator if one feels their spouse is not being truthful or is behaving like someone who is having an affair. Although a viable option, this article should be updated so it also suggests the cheaper option to find out the truth which is via www.you-tap.com. I feel that the YouTap wiretap should really be the first thing to put on somebody that you want to know the truth about. It is working for me, so it should work for everybody!

  • Comment Link Emma Mokwena Saturday, 08 March 2014 08:27 posted by Emma Mokwena

    When I want the money he say I don't have.when he come to bed he just ignore me.his phone he puts security number.what should I do? Because my mind is going crazy now.i don't know why he treat me like that.am so young for this

  • Comment Link Angilica Thursday, 06 March 2014 11:25 posted by Angilica

    It just keeps amazing me how many women there are that DO NOT perform an in-depth analysis on their husband's day to day whereabouts, email traffic and phone calls every now and then. Even employee and employer agree upon a periodic evaluation and in-depth analysis when they start their business relationship. Many women consider their marital relationship to be even more important than their business one, rightfully so I would say. Yet, I still see only a few women in my own circle putting this into practice by putting their spouse under the microscope every now and then. Trust has to be earned ladies! Therefore I literally wiretap my husband periodically with the help of the website youtap dot com, real easy, anonymous and very rewarding. And of course most important, he doesn't know, so I get to see what's really going on. I consider what I'm doing to be 'spying' out of self protection and, unfortunately, an absolute necessity! Have a nice day, Angilica

  • Comment Link fay Sunday, 16 February 2014 14:30 posted by fay

    i have been married for 19 years ,i found out my husband cheated on me with ex girl friends he know her before me she older then him in 5 years he was talking to her since 2007 i was shacked i dont know what to do i fight with him about it he said its only friend i saw all massage and phone call its hurts me a lot i am mother of three kids my olds 19 years.i cant not trust him any more even im at work with him all the time but still i fell hes doing something behind my back every time hes in computer i come near by him he get worry he get worry if im near his phone too please help me

  • Comment Link salma Wednesday, 12 February 2014 09:25 posted by salma

    Iv been cheated on by my husband for d past three years. We'v been married for ten years .His relationship with the girl has been on and off. I recently just found out they r still a pair. I cant just get over it. The fact dat he ask for my forgiveness nd still go back to her, something is wtong with hin. I really need to move past wat he's done nd b a better person nd mum to our four lovely kids

  • Comment Link worried mother Friday, 31 January 2014 15:59 posted by worried mother

    i am a mother of two and i found my husband is cheating on me with another mother of two.i think his father is also suporting him.we recenty migrated to canada and i dont have friends or families here.im all alone by myself.even if there is someone, i dont like to tell anybody because of the future of my two kids. in our culture cheating on spouses or divorses are shamefull it will affect my kids.my kids are my world and i dont do anything that affect them.i have concern about my life because nobody is there to search about me if i gone missing. what should i do?please somebody give me an advice please.

  • Comment Link mariam Monday, 13 January 2014 18:26 posted by mariam

    I have been cheated with my husband from 6 months ago.he already ask me forgiveness for many times and because i love him i gave him another last chance to get started our married again.but why untill now i still can't move on.i still feel pain and hurt for what happened..please i need help how to move on to forget.

  • Comment Link Esther Sunday, 05 January 2014 19:44 posted by Esther

    I need help urgently,my husband is clearly eh eating on me nd I learn about him having a child for his ex girl friend.we ve bn married or about a year now nd he is not bother about us having children.d doctor refuse o attend o me without my husband,but my husband won't come wt me o d hospital.chrismas nd new year he spent dem wt his girl friend .am loosing my mind.lastime when I persuaded him to come wt me to d hospital.he said,nd I quote "I don't want to have children wt u is t by force".worst of all he discusses our marriage wt his girlfriend na dy know dt am not yet pregnant.he doesn't call my mum.he does watever he choose.i need help.dn knw wat to think or do again.ve tried everyhing

  • Comment Link Mariz Sunday, 05 January 2014 08:11 posted by Mariz

    Life is too short to live with a cheater....so file for a divorce and let him pay all the fees. A cheater is always a cheater!

  • Comment Link Rafael Tuesday, 31 December 2013 14:15 posted by Rafael

    Ladies, I'll give you my man point of view. I'm married for almost 4 years now and it hasn't been all easy. We haven't come so far (as cheating is concerned) but I should say the opportunities are there. I believe that a men that cheats once, unless there is true repentance and he really asks for forgiveness (and changes his behaviour), will do it again, and again, and again. So my advice is, if your men is cheating on you, divorce and make him pay financially. I believe we men feel so secure when we have money in our pockets and a wife who takes care of laundry, food, dishes, kids, etc. At that moment we have everything... but the moment you nice ladies get out of our lives with half our money... then things get clear pretty quick. I don't think there's need for you to hang on there hoping he'll change, cause that will only hurt you (and your kids) in the long run.

  • Comment Link Ritika Sunday, 29 December 2013 13:36 posted by Ritika

    I hav been mrd since last 10 yr wd 2 kids. My husband is cheating wd me since starting of my marriage still m coprating wd him. However nw its 10 yrs and d same is going on and nt wd single woman with many girls by chating and freek away. If i ask for divorce he is nt agreed for d same. Also he is vry cruel type of man and beats me.....without thinking.
    Even mistake frm his sight.
    Now wts need to do...pls help

  • Comment Link Octavia Thursday, 26 December 2013 17:09 posted by Octavia

    I found out on Christmas Day that my husband of 10 years cheated on me. We have two kids together and one has special needs. I didn't confront him until I had proof. I am frustrated, hurt and feel like I can't even report to work without breaking down in front of my co-workers. I don't know what to do right now. How can you leave a great woman at home and put some random prostitute and her son in an apartment? Where do I go from here?

  • Comment Link J Sunday, 22 December 2013 08:31 posted by J

    Ladies if u know your man is cheating leave him b4 he brings home a disease or baby. I was diagnosed with syphillis last mth and I've only slept with my husband our past 4 yrs of marriage. I'm done with this jerk I've stopped loving him instantly!

  • Comment Link Dont understand Tuesday, 17 December 2013 01:49 posted by Dont understand

    I have been married now goin on 4 yrs..we have a baby that is 3 yrs of age...I believe with out a serious doubt that my husband is cheatin! He got a phone call 2day didn't answer the phone, but goes in the bathroom and calls her back, I call him on it the first thing he says 2 me is that I don't trust him....but I believe I just need to back up out his space an give up, bcuz all he is goin to keep sayin that it is me ....we don't have set an if we do its ones a month or not @ all

  • Comment Link Ariana Tuesday, 26 November 2013 03:34 posted by Ariana

    My husban is been cheating on me with one of his friends on FB now I just confronted him and he didn't say a word... I love him so much. We have three kids together and being married for 17 yrs. I just don't know what to do!! I need help, I feel that he just broke my heart in many pieces and that it's going to be hard to put them back together... Help me!!!!!

  • Comment Link Ariana Tuesday, 26 November 2013 03:30 posted by Ariana

    My husban is been cheating on me with one of his friends on FB now I just confronted him and he didn't say a word... I love him so much. We have three kids together and being married for 17 yrs. I just don't know what to do!! I need help, I feel that he just broke my heart in many pieces and that it's going to be hard to put them back together... Help me!!!!!

  • Comment Link Sweetlips Monday, 18 November 2013 13:36 posted by Sweetlips

    I really don't know what is wrong men sometimes, you show them how you love them and they still go out there and cheat.
    I'm very pissed right now, as I got an evidence in his car last night and he still denied it in my face, as I suspected this for a long time, he always have anger for pity things, I couldn't even ask him for anything, he will be jump and want to eat me alive.
    I actually lost respect for him, after this I really feel like leaving him, but just worried about the kids, cause they love their dad so much.
    I really don't love him anymore now and I really don't know what to do now.
    Because he doesn't even notice me at home, we are leaving like brother and sister, just taking care of the kids that's all.

  • Comment Link Tipp Friday, 15 November 2013 23:32 posted by Tipp

    I don't know what to do I'm not married but me and my boyfriend has been together for 5 years and I'm always finding things on his FB page telling females they are beautiful and he will tell a few of them he has been wanting them for awhile we do have a 1 year old together but he treats me so well he has bout a house and car for us he pretty much take care of me it's just that FB I'm in need of help I love him a lot and it's not like he treats me wrong so what should I do ?

  • Comment Link srmuzzy Thursday, 14 November 2013 05:17 posted by srmuzzy

    Jezebel
    seriously are we to believe you had NO IDEA?

  • Comment Link Anonymus Tuesday, 12 November 2013 06:55 posted by Anonymus

    mi husband cheated on me with his ex , he made her pregnant and he refuse to tell me the truth, he said he is nt the one who made her pregnatnt

  • Comment Link nabanita Wednesday, 30 October 2013 11:17 posted by nabanita

    i hv been married for 6 yrs .my husband has been cheating on me,many times and there is proof of it.When i confront him he just don't speak up and dismisses the conversation.we still have very good and intimate relation.i still think he loves me. but am afraid for my future.please help.i think he is playing with me.

  • Comment Link Jezabel Saturday, 26 October 2013 17:18 posted by Jezabel

    I'm the mistress in this situation. He lied and told me that him and wife were seperated. They have a 5year old together and they still live together. When he isn't home, she is and when the wife isn't home he is. They have a son and six years worth living & investing. This shaningans only began a little over a month ago and as the truth unfolds, he's still intimate with his wife, it seems I need to detach myself immediately from tge situation. It was nice while it lasted but its a shitty situation. I am not a homewrecker. He doesn't wear a ring. He later told me they had an agreement, what he or she doesn't know, doesn't matter. They may going through a rough patch in their marriage, especially since I heard him say to a friend, it all changed when she had a baby. Im sure it has. What woman wouldn't reform for her child. I'm 24, he's 41. He keeps reminding me to just have fun. But lately, i've been noticing him becoming really attached. I have been having bad dreams about this as well. I told him recently, we can see eachother one last time then I have to depart from the situation. That made him very upset. Seems like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too. I'm in a bit of a mess. Luckily, its easier for me to get out. I now know better. The seperation story is bullshit. Marriage is marriage even if his mind, body, and soul isn't there anymore. I plan to see him one more time so that there is an understanding on the situation. I guess a proper Good bye. Its been a little over a month so the feelings are still strong & passionate. But this has to end. Its not healthy, nor right. ---- oh btw, for the sake of his little boy & culture, living, & investments, he's made clear... Divorce is not an option now. Im not pushing him down that route but I don't want to be his persuasion either. I'm just going to leave it all alone. Run away from this nightmare. Hopefully he doesn't follow. Then ill get a restraining order to assure our seperation.

  • Comment Link Shelly Friday, 18 October 2013 16:09 posted by Shelly

    There needs to be more laws that protect marriages. What good is a marriage if you can just go out and cheat???? Now the cheater becomes abusive because he or she does not want to put in the work to fix what they did. His actions in handling it ruins the family. This is why the world is the way it is.The most important things in life does not matter, like a marraige.

    Women/ Men should never have to go through the hurt and suffering for years for someone else's criminal act. That is why we need laws that protects our family in the whole of the USA not just some states.

    We wonder why our children are growing up with mental and abusive lack of self esteem issues,... We have no rules/ laws on marriages. seriously a person should go to jail for causing such harm to their family,, and the mistresses or Mr's should be sued and go to prison if I get a disease from their act. and it shouldn't matter if the state is a no fault state or not. Come on this affair Bull sh..t is abuse but no one goes to jail. We need more laws PEOPLE!!!!!! I am ready to join the cause.

  • Comment Link nike Saturday, 28 September 2013 16:38 posted by nike

    he admitted he is having an affair but he said he cann't end it instead he will end 19 years relationship with 3 kids. i am affraid because i have no permanenet job, the eldest is just 13years old . what do i do?

  • Comment Link rose curious Thursday, 12 September 2013 20:26 posted by rose curious

    I am married to my husband for already 7 years. he's been cheating on me. I have all the proof. but he still not admit it. he already transfer some of the money to another bank. he's been traveling with this woman to other country and to US but I still love my husband. please advice. I want my husband back.

  • Comment Link Jessica Thursday, 12 September 2013 14:59 posted by Jessica

    I have been with my husband for 11 years. I know he is cheating. Has been with the same girl for five years. I stay because we have four kids together. But now that they are getting older I want to leave. Because I feel that my boys will treat their girlfriend the same way. I'm not sure what to do my husband is telling me that we shouldn't raise our kids in a broken family. In my eyes it's already broken. And we are only creating more for our kids.

  • Comment Link married44yr Thursday, 29 August 2013 19:54 posted by married44yr

    caught husband at 3am having cyber sex- she was on our new huge tv and he was naked with a dress shirt on and computer. because I know of no money used, i'm told he's probably been playing a game and brought the relationship to this point. how do I find out how they're chatting. what game? chess, double solitare, etc... who she is... someone from work?

  • Comment Link Rolene Monday, 26 August 2013 10:31 posted by Rolene

    My husband is chatting to other women, staring with a normal chat but end up flirting and all...its never or let me say I never caught him and I'm almost sures it never been more that over the phone...I the find out more that 6 time and he never admit that his wrong. Even with proof infront of him he still say its not him. - need help I love him but how do you go on

  • Comment Link Stephanie Bodenhamer Sunday, 18 August 2013 23:16 posted by Stephanie Bodenhamer

    I have been married for 15 years but I have been very ill for the last 6 years. Over the last 8 months or so, my husband has been different. Leaving the house at 10:00pm to go play the lottery at 7-11 and will sometimes be gone for almost 2hours. We were not having any sex, he was turning me down and always making excuses as to why he couldn't have sex. He will take cell phone calls outside and does spend a lot if time on the computer and Facebook. I have been checking his Facebook and cell and have not found anything until today. I found a picture of him with a girl at a bar in Dallas, TX at 3:02am. (He goes there once a year with his brothers and a group of guys for 4-5 days to party and watch the game) At home he does not go out as far as I know and doesn't drink except for Dallas. He said that he doesn't know her name, they only talked for 30seconds, her boyfriend was there and that everyone took a picture with her. My question is why do you take a picture with someone you don't know and at 3:02am when the bar closed at 2:00am. He won't admit to cheating but it sure seems like it to me!!

  • Comment Link Pin Friday, 21 June 2013 13:41 posted by Pin

    We are married for more than 6 years n have a 5yr. old daughter. Have found just yesterday night that my hubby is cheating on me..........I saw very blunt sms exchanges between him and 1 girl. I asked him very calmly today morning about all this n he has asked me to leave. Its been almost 1 year that we had sex and there is no emotional attachment also.
    I am blank..............
    Dont know how to handle this.

  • Comment Link sad Saturday, 01 June 2013 10:02 posted by sad

    can pictures of a woman wearing lingerie robe with no panties laying on a bed (pic taken by my husband cell phone there are about 5 of them) be used as direct evidence in case of divorce. please help me i am devastated and i have no family here.

  • Comment Link niesha Monday, 06 May 2013 19:52 posted by niesha

    Actually he told me have an affair with his classmate and his classmate told me that he wants to have a sex with me but I said no
    I am so trusted him but he said yes this us true
    Now what am I suppose to do ?

  • Comment Link jane Wednesday, 17 April 2013 09:26 posted by jane

    i need help my husband has been cheating since our wedding,what can i do is it divorce or what.i have been married for four years i dnt know what to do.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 23 February 2013 16:18 posted by Guest

    pissed the f off : 12 year realationship. Iv`e beenn with this man my whole life. I`m 27 and we have two kids one only 5 months old. Iv`e had 4 near death experiences the first after my son eclampsia again after we lost a child. And again during labor with are daughter she almost didn`t make it to. Then i befriend a woman with problems she says now she was vunerable blahbalh.. She said i was like a daughter to her and she loved me when really she loves what i have and wanted to take it from me. She lived here a while and he made a few comments about two wives and how she completed are family but i had to say yes first or whatever. I never said yes she was kicked out and moved next door with another friend of hers.. She started coming back around when i was sick to help with the kids and then a week after she came back i caught them in our backyard having sex in one of are vehicals. I didn`t go crazy just opened the door and said i`m done. I wish i would have done more now but i guess i was traumatized and also had a feeling it was already happeneing anyway. Since then she said she was in love with him long before they had sex and that it happened more than once.. He says diffrent that she took advantage of him and he didn`t even really enjoy what was happeneing and even wanted to get caught. Then why move the car to the back on our 2 acres if you wanted to get caught or why not just come inside before it happpened?? I`m trying to stay and make it work because we have been together so long he`s the only man iv`e ever.. Been with and we have two beautiful kids but it`s so hard. It`s only been 3 weeks and he acts like " you don`t talk enough" "you don`t touch me enough" well what the hell. We apparently had the problems before this even started so how am i suppose to believe he had no feelings for this person and didn`t want it to happen. I of course told her she`s not allowed back here and not allowed around any of my family anymore. But what the hell am i suppose to do now. We are packed and suppose to be moving to are own house in bfe closer to his family but i just don`t know what to do anymore....

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 23 February 2013 16:02 posted by Guest

    what to do?: iv`e been with the same man my whole life. 12 years i`m 27 years old and we have two kids. One of them is now only 5 months old. Iv`e had 4 near death experiences since wev`e been together. I had seizures after are first child and almost died. Then we lost one and i almost died. Then during my 2nd labor me and my daughter almost didn`t make it. Then two weeks after this again with the seizures. I befriended a woman that needed help and had noone. She had a good sob story and was a friend. She also made a bond with my two kids. I caught the two of them kissing in my house when she thought i was asleep. I should have kicked her out then but i`m to nice of a person. My partner said some crap about making her a part if the family but as long as i said no he wouldn`t do anything. I didn`t know what to do and didn`t want any resentment but never said yes or no. She says they had sex more than once. But one night at 2 am i went outside to find them in the backyard in one of are vehicals having sex. He asked me to stay so i did. She lives next door with a friend of hers but i just don`t know if i can make myself forgive for this. Appparently we have problems inn the relationship cause i`m not the same person i was and i don`t talk enough or touch him enough. But when i caught his he says that she took advantage of him and he didn`t even want to do it. Obviously i don`t believe this... I just don`t know how i am suppose to get over this and try to make this relationship work....

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 21 February 2013 12:43 posted by Guest

    sickest feeling ever...: Im very sorry for all u must be feeling right now. I recently had a similar thing happen to me except with me it was my husbaand and his cousin' s wife. I have been married to this man for 20 years and we have 3 kids, I am completely heart broken because of what he did. I now have self-esteem issues and so much anger, rage and who knows what else! It really changes a persons life. I found out about it cause of the way he was acting and texting late into the night. I actually waited days to have thw proof in my hands and confront him and I certainly confronted her too. They both tried to deny it at first but proof in hand made it all to difficult for them. Now the problem with me is that I haven't told her husband, I have her in my hands with what I have. And im also waiting for the day all 4 of us will be in the same place togetherso I can personaly hand him over the proof..... but anyway like I said its the sickest feeling ever when this happens to u. I have seripus trust isues and I am being strong and staying put for my kids. Dont know how long I can keep going tho cause to be honest its very hard to look at him in the face and see him for what he really is. Stay strong!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 20 February 2013 23:04 posted by Guest

    I can't tell u to leave him,: I can't tell u to leave him, but I can tell u it will be harder to leave the longer ur with him. I recently got married 5 months ago he cheated prior to marriage n is having an affair. It hurts like hell knowing I trusted him will of my heart n he still chose to Step all over it n break it. I wasted 11 years of my life I will never get back n I feel if I would have left him the 1st he cheated I wouldn't have allowed him to hurt me again. It's hard to tell u what to do All I can say is pray and ask God to guide you. life is too short ty o be anything but happy.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 20 February 2013 22:23 posted by Guest

    Thank you it sure does help.: Thank you it sure does help. I can hardly wait until the day I can smile, laugh, and be myself again. I'm starting to realize no matter how much I love him I can't make him love me or come back home. the sad part is he couldn't even tell me to my face he was leaving me for someone else. N even when I asked All he would say is I would never hurt u like that again. I had to find out on my own n even when I confronted him he still denied it. He feels no love for me. Thanks again for your help

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 20 February 2013 22:11 posted by Guest

    Thank you for your advise. : Thank you for your advise. I did get his phone bill which shows all the calls he was making to his girlfriend for the last 2 months prior to him walking out on me. Unfortunately when I got legal advice the State I live in adultery does not matter or divorce because "no fault divorce ". He called me last night telling me I didn't want to see him happy n his girlfriend broke up with him because I called her and told her he is married which she did not know. I asked if he loves her n he couldn't answer me. He has so much anger towards me. He said he would be filing for Ddivorce (I'm guessing so he could be with her). He basically told me he hates me n doesn't want anything to do with me. I love him with all my heart n don't want to be with anybody else but he don't want me. All I can do for now is pray for him and hope God softens his heart . THANKS!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 20 February 2013 14:39 posted by Guest

    Time to get TUFF!: I would text him and let him know that you're getting a lawyer to start child support and get help with the mortgage. Any info that you can find as far as phone bills, floral shop receipts, motel receipt( go online and check your statements), save these for your lawyer. He's having fun right now, but once you hit those POCKETS...he'll change his mind. If he's in love with this other woman, and you believe that he is, follow through on making him pay the mortgage AND child support and get your divorce. You don't want him to take you back and then find out when your daughter turns 18 that they kept the relationship hidden, then he leaves you on her 18th birthday..it happens! Your love for him and time with him is NOT going to make him change,especially if he THINKS he's in love with both of you. You don't deserve this, but you do DESERVE a home and support for your child. Let him play house and you may find that you were better off without him. If he was cheating on you prior to marriage..he married you because he knew he could do it and get away with it. I would bet right now that he feels that he can come back to you whenever he wants and you will welcome him with open arms (because you are against divorce). Keep in mind, God did not put all of the marriages out here together thats why ALOT of them aren't lasting. You deserve better!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 20 February 2013 10:33 posted by Guest

    I feel all that you do. I: I feel all that you do. I have been married for 3 years my husband works away he made me believe that when he worked the weekends that he was doing it for our future. He walked out last march told me he had had a filing and was sorry but he couldn't come back because of what he had done. I believed every word he said then 2 weeks ago he filed for divorce and said it was on my unreasonable behaviour as I haven't done anything he said I have crossed petitioned the divorce. I have now found out that he has been seeing this woman for the last 2 & half years a nod every time it went wrong with her he came back to me. It has broken my heart and my world in to but I am now getting stronger as I know that it is his loss they will spilt up again and won't have me to fall back on. It will take you a while but you will soon realise that you are worth so much more than he can give you. I am trying to make a new life for myself it's hard because I still love the man but I know I will get there. Hope this has helped you

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 19 February 2013 21:21 posted by Guest

    cheating after only 5 months of marriage: I've been with the same man for the last 11 years. We have a 10 year old daughter
    We broke up for almost a year when I found out he was cheating on me with his co_worker. He then broke up with her n begged me to give him as another chance. I forgave him n he promised he would never hurt me like that again. We got married 5 months ago and walked out on me and my daughter without giving a reason as to why he was leaving. I've calleAd texted him as nd he won't reply. He is ignoring my daughter n refuses to be there for in any way. I found out on Valentine's day he has been having an affair which started 2 months after we got married. He bought his girlfriend roses n it bugs me to know after being with him 11 years he never gave me anything moe than a card. He couldn't even call his own daughter n I found out he stays at his girlfriend house n cuddle with her n her kids while he ignore hisvdaughter n wife. We both earn decent amount of money, however we recently got into a huge mortgage n there is no way I can do this on my own. I don't believe in divorce n really love husband n I want him to come home but be won't even talk to me. He's been gone for almost 2 months now and has recently moved in with his girlfriend n her 2 kids. I am tired of crying n being in so much pain for what he did to us. I lay in bedff trying not to.move thinking if I don't move maybe I wont feel alive n I won't feel my heartbroken anymore. I don't know what to do right now the only option I feel is divorce but I don't want to sin against God. And I want my husband n my family together. But I can't make him love me .to me it felt like we has good marriage . Please help I don't know what to do amymore I don't know if I could ever trust him again I know I could forgive because God wants me to. Maybe the saying once a cheater always a cheater is true??? Po

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 19 February 2013 10:11 posted by Guest

    Please advise how to cope: Please advise how to cope with the situation that you found that your husband has affair with a girl in your daughter 's age

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 18 February 2013 12:18 posted by Guest

    My husband is also cheating with men!!: I just found out the same thing about my husband (cheating with a man). He was making arrangements to meet a man and might have for all I know. He has also emailed with another guy with nasty pictures. I am so angry. Our home is paid for and I have been the primary bread winner for the last 5 years and I am not financially stable enough on my own to move out nor do I want to. I have more invested in the home than he does! I want him to move. I want to tell him that if he dont move I will tell everyoen we know and his whole family what he is doing but I am afraid. I worry that if I push him in a corner I could end up hurt or dead. What should I do?

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 17 February 2013 23:43 posted by Guest

    cheating after only 5 months of marriage: I've been with the same man for the last 11 years. We have a 10 year old daughter
    We broke up for almost a year when I found out he was cheating on me with his co_worker. He then broke up with her n begged me to give him as another chance. I forgave him n he promised he would never hurt me like that again. We got married 5 months ago and walked out on me and my daughter without giving a reason as to why he was leaving. I've calleAd texted him as nd he won't reply. He is ignoring my daughter n refuses to be there for in any way. I found out on Valentine's day he has been having an affair which started 2 months after we got married. He bought his girlfriend roses n it bugs me to know after being with him 11 years he never gave me anything moe than a card. He couldn't even call his own daughter n I found out he stays at his girlfriend house n cuddle with her n her kids while he ignore hisvdaughter n wife. We both earn decent amount of money, however we recently got into a huge mortgage n there is no way I can do this on my own. I don't believe in divorce n really love husband n I want him to come home but be won't even talk to me. He's been gone for almost 2 months now and has recently moved in with his girlfriend n her 2 kids. I am tired of crying n being in so much pain for what he did to us. I lay in bedff trying not to.move thinking if I don't move maybe I wont feel alive n I won't feel my heartbroken anymore. I don't know what to do right now the only option I feel is divorce but I don't want to sin against God. And I want my husband n my family together. But I can't make him love me .to me it felt like we has good marriage . Please help I don't know what to do amymore I don't know if I could ever trust him again I know I could forgive because God wants me to. Maybe the saying once a cheater always a cheater is true??? Po

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 15 February 2013 18:12 posted by Guest

    help : Hi please reply as soon as possible. My husband nd me had fights. But now its has been a year I did not fight. Then I was in different city for some time then he join me when we met I did not feel that he has feeling for me even in sex life. Then I found out he has feeling for someone elas nd he except that. In the main time he said he did not do anything wrong he knows his limtastion nd all. He loves me but he doenot have any feelings for me that what he say. But he always talk to her like missing u nd call everytime. So is it normal. I don't wana leave him I love him a lot nd don't wana break our marriage nd he then married with her . And if I wana talk about this he get engry. What should I do nd what is shouldnot please give ur answer.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 11 February 2013 05:51 posted by Guest

    hi there...: im having the same problem with my husband an sister,ive got a question or a few..im almost possitive about them...well i no its true,my gut never lies an other things,anyway he had me actually had me ing myself about being crazy,i really thought i was losing it...were still together ive just kindaa been sitten back watching themidk,let me get back to u

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 04 February 2013 23:59 posted by Guest

    OMG ME AS WELL: This has been going on in m world for 18 months. I have tracked and followed him to get my prove
    but he will not admit it

    Even after the other guys lover told it all

    Girl i filed for DIVORCE

    I found out it has been going on for at least 7 years


    GET OUT GIRL - If you are gay then be gay
    don't involve woman and children

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 04 February 2013 23:54 posted by Guest

    Girl pick yourself up: First off know that he is a loser and your damn sister is a bigger loser.
    You deserve better and i assure you that this is not the first affair and will not be the last
    what comes around goes around
    Don't let them see you sweat, SMILE, SPARKLE ,SHINE IN PUBLIC it get's em everytime
    Cry and sceam in private

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 26 January 2013 00:12 posted by Guest

    Feminism has its consequences: I really feel sorry for the women that WERE actually being WOMEN to their husbands.
    I don't feel too sorry for the women that had their feminist victim attitude toward their ex-emotionally connected men.
    Men also marry or want to be in relationships to feel needed and appreciated.
    If a man is adulterous early in the relationship or regularly throughout the relationship, then he is not getting what he wanted out of the relationship.
    If he never aired his concerns, then he is to blame.
    But if he had mentioned to his "loving" wife that he feels neglected sexually in "any way", it should have been taken seriously.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 25 January 2013 23:33 posted by Guest

    I just wanted to say sorry: I just wanted to say sorry about what happened to you. I hope ur dealing ok

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 22 January 2013 13:28 posted by Guest

    my husband too. : My husband just won't stop doing these things to me through "text msg". He even met a woman once and claimed he couldn't follow through with it (blah blah blah). Now he has starting talking to our neighbor behind my back while he's at work. All day and all night, proof on the phone bill. I just have no idea how to address this. I do know this that after six years of lies I am finally done. Hey I got two beautiful babies out of it. I just want and have to be smart about it. Oh she is also.supposed to be my friend :(

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 22 January 2013 13:14 posted by Guest

    my husband: I.just found out that my husband and neighbor (supposed to be my friend). Are texting all night and all morning while he is supposed to be working. I am completely heartbroken, I have no idea on how to address the subject. He's done this to me before but never anyone I knew. I know her pretty well, So I am with you this I have no idea what to do. I just no I.no longer want to be married to him. For.the past six years we have been together he had do this to me. You have been married for way longer and she is your sister that is just horrible. My heart goes out to you.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 20 January 2013 13:52 posted by Guest

    My husband has an affair with His Brother's fiancee: Hi,

    I really understand what you feel as I was put in the same situation on 16/01., just four days ago!!! It is the meanest and sickest type of affair, really?!? I have been together with my husband 12 years, my kid is only 4. We have not had any big issues for the last 12 months or so. Now he managed to turn around my life, his brother's life and our kid life for a piece of flash........I am thinking to end my marriage as this is a mental behaviour for me, it is not one night stand or an external person!!! I think I can expect anything from him from now on.....Please guys let me know what you think

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 20 January 2013 10:56 posted by Guest

    I'm so sorry:-( I can't: I'm so sorry:-( I can't imagine the pain you are going thru.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 18 January 2013 15:25 posted by Guest

    MY HUSBAND CHEATED THRICE THEN STAYED WITH THE THIRD: My husband cheated on me just a year after being married. Then again the year I was pregnant with my second daughter. The third time I caught him doing it with a 52 year old woman. I am 33 and he is 36. LADIES by thi time honestly I have no feeling for these men who diminish love to a mere orgasm given by some desperate lonely psycho woman and yes they must be lonely to take married men! So dump them, your kids and you are BETTER OFF WITHOUT THEM LOSERS. On a positive note, there are good men in this world, my DAD.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 12 January 2013 00:18 posted by Guest

    my husband of 35 years is..: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry you are going through this
    I honestly don't know where the strength comes from.
    My heart goes out to you.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 09 January 2013 20:17 posted by Guest

    If i were you,i would beat: If i were you,i would beat the hell out of that woman!
    I know what you're going through,people who cheat don't know how much it hurts!!I mean,who do they think they are???
    What you're husband is doing is exactly what i'm going through right now,but i have been hurt before by him so i threatened him that i would do the same to him.. I've forgiven him and encouraged him that,that sort of life is not healthy no matter how far far away i want to be from him. He gets mad at me for texting the girl that he's cheating with and i decided to teach him a lesson.
    I began by doing things that i've never done before, i wear sexy outfits, chat with my friends that i've lost touch with, go out and have drinks with friends,meet new people,spend the night in another town or village..I don't shout at him if i find text messages or bother start a fight or ask questions, i just leave him be and guess WHATT???
    He's now tailing me like a puppy and bieng so jealous..He does'nt come home late anymore and when he ges home and finds out that i'm out somewhere with friends o family's he makes sure he finds me and that we get home together.
    It may not be a great idea but thats what i did, he got scared that another man would love me again and treat me better than him. So he stopped seeing that other woman, because he was busy being jealous over me again...But above all pray.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 08 January 2013 13:06 posted by Guest

    My Husband and My Sister: I just found out that my husband and my sister have been having an affair for the past ten years. I asked him many times in these ten years but he always denied it until last night . I found an email from her to him and his response. I confronted him, and he could not deny it this time. He said that he loves her too........
    I have been married for 28 years now, and have three kids.......I do not want to destroy my kids lives, but I can't even look at him anymore...He is dead for me now.....and I am a dead person too.......I do not have anyone to talk to, and if it wasn't for my kids, I wouldn't even breath now. I can not believe that he did this to me.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 07 January 2013 15:12 posted by Guest

    Hi,
    Same here but he: Hi,
    Same here but he confessed it. He said he is so sorry...he loves me and our son and he does not want to loose us.
    Because I believe in forgiveness, I decided to give him a chance. He has been acting different now but I still feel extremely sad and disappointed. I need more time to heal. My biggest fear is that I am not sure if I will ever trust him again. I truly hope I can do this in the future.
    One thing I came to realize though is that "fear" and "trust" cannot be together in my heart...I need to overcome fear with trust. I decided to go that path. I know that it may be far from over and in the future it can happen again but I decided to believe it wont happen again.
    Only time will tell. It is really going to be what my husband loves and cherished most. Our family vs. his secret fantasy/ temptations or whatever he names it.
    I believe and love God with all my heart. I just pray and place this situation in his might hands.
    I feel your pain. I am here in case you need open up.
    Be well,
    ADS

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 03 January 2013 18:46 posted by Guest

    what should i do : Hi there . I really need advice ... My husband cheated on me it bothers me but not as much i was expecting.He told me that they had sex but i still dont believe it .i think i still love him but im confused , i dont understand why it doesn't hurt me that much. I always thought that if this happens i will leave him but now that im in the spot i dont know what to do . Please help me . What would you do ?

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 30 December 2012 18:16 posted by Guest

    Cheater: I understand what u r going through. My husband left my daughter and I on Christmas Day. I was so blindsided by this. Everything was great until he went and started a new job 3 weeks ago 5 hours away. I know he met someone else there and I don't know what to do about it. He's back at work now while I'm left hanging. I haven't talked to him since last night and he hasn't answered his phone today. We are totally dependent on him for money and everything. Do u have any advice for me?

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 27 December 2012 04:58 posted by Guest

    My Husband has been cheating: Hi There, My husband of 6years has been cheating on me. I thought it was a woman all along but I just found out that it's a man. He has been sending naked pictures to him and that other guy to hm.

    His phone is full of gay looking pictures and it disgust me to death.
    I havr asked him about it and he denies it. I do not know what to do or think and please help me with advise i really need some right now please.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 24 December 2012 10:56 posted by Guest

    cheating husband: Same story.... In my case, add the baby momma drama. He just found out he has a two year old. We have two kids of our own 9 years and a 4 year old. I want to run, I don't want to share our hard earnings with another woman and this child. It kind of looks like him... So confused. She knew about us being married.... This just happened to me weekend before Christmas 2012... so scared, angry....betrayed

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 23 December 2012 06:31 posted by Guest

    Hi there. I very much: Hi there. I very much understand how you are feelng right now bec it also happened to me last year. I would not go into the details of my husband's cheating. I just want to reach out to you and hug you. This is not an east matter to forgive and just forget. Be prepared for emotions like anger, hate, self pity, decreased self esteem which will be like a roller coaster ride. Acceptance is the first thing you should work for bec you cannot undo the past. It's the reality. Andbthen it's up to both of you if u want your relationship to work out for your own reasons. On my part, i've decided to forgive and it's not easy, i tell u. Forgiveness is a mental thing which u have to force yourself to work on day after day. Until now i still regress back into the hurtful moments when i found out about it, but little by little u can overcome it. What's also impt is to see the sincerity of ur husband to end his relationship withbthe other woman and for both of u to have the same goal in saving your relationship and family. Try to find something good that will come about bec of this experience. For my part, it has made us closer and more open to each other. As ironic as it is, sometimes i think that i have to be thankful the affair happened bec we would both be unaware still of each other's needs. I repeat, the road you are trodding on right now is not easy. Just be strong. Hugs!

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 20 December 2012 09:39 posted by Guest

    I am at a complete loss back: I am at a complete loss back in august my husband and a friend of our went back to school for auto tech which was great. My husband being the guy he was hooked our friend up with a girl in class and for a short time things were good then not so much our friend and i were starting to have our suspicions about my husband and our friend's girlfriend then the first weekend in october he left me to go live with her. At the time i was 5-6 month pregnant with our second son. He however came back to me two days later because he thought that our baby was going to die from all the stress that this situation was putting on me. So all four of us got together and talked and my husband was back with me and the girl was back to dating our friend then two weeks later things started up again and everything was brought to the surface yet again this time our friend did not go back with her but my husband and i stayed together and have been working on our marriage he stopped talking to her in class and through text. At some point in the next month they all startd talking again for the sake of making class easier. I didn't like it but understood but i thought that was it turns out that he was texting her again cuz he was acting different again so i got suspicious again so about a week and a half before christmas he tossed me his phone and i looked at it and it said how he wanted to kiss her and be with her. He then told me he still loved her but wasnt going to be with her and i was heart broken again. It is now a few days later andhe is still texting her but deletes his texts every night but i can look up how many time they text each other and they teext more then we do and i dont know what to do and our second son is due in 7 weeks and i am at a complete loss.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 12 December 2012 08:05 posted by Guest

    cheating husband: I recently found out that my husband has ben cheating on me. I was suspecious until but didný have prove until i trick him into giving me his e-mail password. i read all his e-mail and made printouts, I'very hurt and don't know how to confront him. What i read is very disturbing, it talks about them having sex, and not just sex, unprotected sex', this scares me to death. She buys him gifts, and he lies about them. I now have proof that he's been getting gifts from this lady.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 12 December 2012 01:40 posted by Guest

    Cheating Husband: I found out my husband is cheating on the month of our 13 years anniversary(2012-12-07). I was sleeping next to him and as I opened my eyes I was him chatting with her saying "I still love you". I was shocked as I never suspected he was cheating and I trusted him fully.

    The following night I called him to the bedroom and closed the door. I borrowed his cell phone and he gave it, I then opened the chat on Whatsapp and asked him to explain who is she what is happening. He did not say a word and i got very emotional. He tried to calm me down, I wanted an explanation but he was just quiet. I told him I don't want this to involve a lot of people, the kids are in the next room and will hear I'm crying so he must just answer my question.

    He said he is sorry and he does not know why he did it. I told him that for now I don't know what to make of the situation but I'm deeply hurt and disappointed. I want to know what he is going to do about the affair. He said he loves me but he also loves her and is not sure if he wants to let her go though he does not want to lose me. I made it clear to him that I want the affair to stop with immediate effect.

    It truly hurts me for him to say that he also love her and is not sure what to do about it. I told him we will have to use condoms from now onwards and have to go for HIV/AIDS testing, after the results go back in three months and test again. When he has stops seeing her we can stop the condoms but will have to do regular VTC's together.

    I still can't believe that he does not want to leave her. I love him and don't want to lose him but if he does not stop the affair, I will have to consider a divorce. We have 4 kids, two girls and two boys and i don''t want them to be affected by his dishonesty. I'm really shattered and don't know what to do. I still love him though.

    PLEASE HELP ME.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 10 December 2012 18:50 posted by Guest

    Why isn't the wife considered sexy?: Why doesn't he find me sexy? He chased is ho daily. Told me he couldn't even stop himself when he thought of family!
    It's been over but he stii
    Ll is not attracted to me sexually! I'm a nice looking woman

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 28 November 2012 22:30 posted by Guest

    Gay Husband: Hi there, my sister got married 4 months ago and has just recently found out that the person she married turned out to be gay and that his parents had forced him into the marriage with him knowing he was gay and what he was doing was wrong. The way my sister haf come to know of this by going through his phone knowing his pin (he might have told her) and seeing pictures and messages through theirand then transferring them onto her phone so she could prive her case. However now he has reported my sister of stealing his phone as he knows the marriage isnt going to go on and also cased against my mum as she said a lot of things to him whilst being upset and might have been discriminative towards him about being gay. Just wondering is there away of justifying my mums actions as she was upset and said that under emotions also my sister having transferred his stuff onto her phone, is she okay to do that, thanks!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 28 November 2012 22:27 posted by Guest

    Hi there, my sister got: Hi there, my sister got married 4 months ago and has just recently found out that the person she married turned out to be gay and that his parents had forced him into the marriage with him knowing he was gay and what he was doing was wrong. The way my sister haf come to know of this by going through his phone knowing his pin (he might have told her) and seeing pictures and messages through theirand then transferring them onto her phone so she could prive her case. However now he has reported my sister of stealing his phone as he knows the marriage isnt going to go on and also cased against my mum as she said a lot of things to him whilst being upset and might have been discriminative towards him about being gay. Just wondering is there away of justifying my mums actions as she was upset and said that under emotions also my sister having transferred his stuff onto her phone, is she okay to do that, thanks!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 27 November 2012 12:55 posted by Guest

    Wanting things to be normal: OMG! This is me.... 4 years ago on Valentines day I found out my husband was having an affair, emotional or physical I really am not sure, he swears he never had sex with her but I don't know that for sure. I knew he was acting strangely but couldn't figure out why and he wouldn't talk to me. I found out why he was talking to her...a lot. They worked together, he would see her every day. He was getting up at 2:30a.m. just to talk to her. I just happened to look at our phone bill, something I normally didn't do, I just paid it and went on, but something was telling me to look. I saw a number I didn't recognize and called it, didn't really get any information from it I thought it was my son's friend (he had borrowed his dads phone when he lost his). I mentioned it while we were all sitting in the living room and he admitted it was his co-worker. After that I started paying a little more attention, and looked at the most recent bill when it came out and they had talked for 23 hours! I was lucky to get 15 minutes a week let alone 23 hours in a month, besides the time they spent at work. I lost it didn't know what to do so I left for a short time he said he was sorry, we worked it out and our marriage seemed to be much stronger. I had a couple of health scares making him realize what it would be like with out me so I didn't think I had anything to worry about...but.....about a month ago he started acting different, can't really put my finger on it just out of character for him, we still do things, have great sex, talk, etc.. but something is different. He has a new woman at work that he talks about alot and I get that sinking feeling that it is happening all over again. I don't know what to do he is a little sneakier this time about it though he doesn't talk to her on his phone he just goes to her house, and is always asking me when i will be home, what's my schedule, are we doing anything....none of these by them selves add up to anything but I just have this feeling. Especially since I asked him to promise me 4 years ago that he would never do it again and he wouldn't do it. So now what do I do? I keep biding my time and am waiting for some real evidence, maybe I am being paranoid. I am 48 years old we have been together 32 years and married 30 of them. I really don't want to end this marriage but I refuse to be made a fool of again.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 24 November 2012 21:32 posted by Guest

    leave: Don't end up like me had somthing like that happen stayed with him married and he cheated twice leave while you can trust me girl plz

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 19 November 2012 20:44 posted by Guest

    wife going back to a job where she had affairs: My wife has decided to leave her job and took a job that she prevously worked at. A co -workek at this job got her the job.

    I am very concerned when she was at this job before I found out too year later she was haveing sex in the car park in the back of her car with guys. We split up but have since got back together things seem ok now but don't like the idea of wnat might happen

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 15 November 2012 04:51 posted by Guest

    Not married but still need advice: I hope I'm not a bother but i really need advice. So i have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and 2 months. About 7 months ago i found some messages on his facebook to his ex saying he was never gonna love anybody the way he loved her and he told her that i wasn't even his type and that his parents don't even approve of me. This happened a month into our relationship but I didn't find it until 5 or 6 months into our relationship. Now that's just the beginning. He told me about those messages but he told me that he told her that he loved me and not her. He just brought it up out of nowhere! Why did he lie??! Why would he even bring it up?! and i know his parents didn't have a problem with me i was living with them for quite a while! actually they hadn't even met me when he wrote her these messages. There was this other time where he kept talking about this girl a lot saying how cool she was and all her qualities that made her bad ass and he was trying to set his friend up with her. It didn't bother me until he told me he would have sex with her if he wasn't with me. And then another time he told me he went to a show and held some girls hand. Why would he just hold some girls hand?! And just so you ladies know a little about my character and the relationship to help evaluate the situation, i knew him a year before we got together. I had a crush on him the whole year but i never threw myself at him. He was the one who made moves on me. He was the one who asked me out in a very romantic setting. Its been a while since all these things happened but since i found the messages to his ex, the trust has been completely shattered. I'm always paranoid that hes talking to his ex or another girl. It made me real insecure in the relationship. Sometimes i wish i would have just left him the day i found the messages. But there's still the doubt about him feeling different. He says hes over her but I'd if hes lying or not due to the fact that his attitude towards me has never changed. I don't know if hes with me because hes lonely. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just stuck. And its hard to get rid of a guy whose good to you to your face. Can someone please help me please please please I'm sorry to be a bother but i have no one else to turn to.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 09 November 2012 19:50 posted by Guest

    So, at the very least he is: So, at the very least he is having an emotional affair. And, don't be fooled that because of distance he has not seen her or been with her. While it might be early on in their relationship, this is the next step. She can drive in or he can "skip" a day at work without you knowing. His late working is probably because he can talk and text her freely.
    And, what good is it now keeping this knowledge to yourself? Especially if you truly believe it has not progressed, now is the time to confront him with it. Not in a mean, nasty way, but to say, "I want you to know that I know about so-and-so" And then wait for him to respond. Chances are, yeah, he'll get defensive, yell at you for prying into his "private life" or tell you "it's nothing". His reaction, though, will tell you everything. If he has been deleting things, he already feels guilty or at least does not want to be caught. He also knows it is wrong. Otherwise, why hide it?
    If he accuses YOU of being too sensitive, let him know that you are his WIFE and that another relationship with another woman, especially a hidden one, is not acceptable. But if you are wanting to repair this, tell him that too-that you are confronting him out of LOVE not anger. It is "how can WE make this better?" Ask him what he feels is truly missing in your relationship. Now is the time for him to be honest. Now, his cheating (even emotional cheating) is not your fault. Don't blame yourself. However, something is missing here, even in his self-esteem, that is causing him to crave the attention elsewhere.
    Men cheat for one main reason-to feel affirmation. That's it. Everything else is a bonus that they become hooked on.
    If you want to save this relationship, it probably will involve very open and honest conversations (not yelling or accusations) and it will mean he needs to be very humble about what is going on and what mistakes he has made. And, you must be ready for whatever information he will tell you and decide beforehand what you are able to forgive and what are "deal breakers."
    If you know you can forgive him, let him know that too. But, in the same token, let him know that you hold him accountable for his actions and that he must change his behavior and cut off the relationship with that girl. That includes un-friending her on Facebook. It probably would be a wise idea too, if he is very serious about fessing up and repairing your relationship, if he totally deletes his account and any other account that he has used for the purpose of chatting with other women.
    If he justifies his actions, turns it into a "how could YOU do this to ME?!" or he calls you "psycho", you will know that he has no intentions of stopping it. Time to really consider a separation. It's not going to get better if he is not willing to really be real with how hurtful and dishonest his actions are and how they are affecting you.
    Good luck with it all!

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 09 November 2012 19:34 posted by Guest

    Start by addressing each: Start by addressing each problem one at a time. First, it is good you have a lawyer, that is step one. Next, your biggest fear is financial ruin and not being able to support yourself. This is hindering you from making good decisions right now, making you second-guess things and putting fear into your heart. Start by being realistic about what your costs are going to be, when living alone with your child. What can you afford to do without? What are "must haves" to survive? Break it all down, put it into a spreadsheet. Next, make sure you are up to date on your resume and online job search profiles (linked in, for example). Network with people you once knew and see if they have any connections as well. You may not end up in your dream job, but get ANY job to start. Try to get one in your desired profession (give yourself a makeover too-you want to look your very best for job interviews) but if that fails, don't despair. Do what you can and work your way up, always looking out for something better.
    And, when was the last time you pampered yourself? Even if it is a long bath, new makeup or a new blouse, DO it!
    And don't wallow in what could have been, what you fear but face it all head on.
    Allow your lawyer to solve the rest as far as spousal support, child support, etc. But, you want to be in the best position to tell the courts that you can look after your child by yourself. Sure, he's probably hidden money everywhere that you will never discover. But how sad that he would do that and possibly deprive his own daughter of it too!
    And, maybe you are meant to be in Cape Town. It seems like a trap but turn it into something good. You can take a hold of your future, your finances and become stronger than you have ever thought you could be.
    And, get into some counseling about your depression and negative thoughts....the more you think negatively, the less good things will come your way. It'll wear you down and you won't be in any position to think with a clear head and to make wise decisions. Instead of being the victim, be victorious. If you were the successful business woman before, you can be again. Don't let your age be a negative either-turn it into a positive-you have way more life experience, determination and are more grounded than you would have been years ago.
    By being positive, good things will come your way. Just take things one problem at a time, one day at a time. And, focus on your child and step-children too if they are still in the picture. Everyone needs a strong, confident mom.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 09 November 2012 19:21 posted by Guest

    If you do not believe in: If you do not believe in divorce, at least separate. I can't believe that you believe in cheating either though! You have clear grounds for divorce and you can do so with a clear conscience. I know you have young children, but if you stay, you eventually will be sending the message to them that women are not strong, that cheating is acceptable and you will have such resentment towards him that the kids are going to feel it.
    Right now, he is so lost in that other relationship he's not being rational- telling you about his feelings and how much he missed her and now getting her back and still telling you about it has nothing to do with truth. It has to do with his own desire to control the situation and he has no clue what this is doing to you nor does he care right now. He is addicted to her. Like any addict, he is making mistakes, even admitting his faults, but still has to have it.
    This story does not have a happy ending...even if he ends up with her, she will grow tired of him eventually (and he will be back trying to get sympathy from you), or they stay together and he cheats on her because he is insecure (and can you go through this cycle again and again with just another woman in the scenario?).
    The bottom line is, how much do you value YOU? How much are YOU worth? It's great being married when it is an honest relationship between two caring and committed individuals...but he broke his vows and is honestly not at the point where he is sorry yet.
    You are risking your own sense of self-esteem, passing this down to your children (trust me, they will internalize it and act it out later, especially in their teenage years through risky behavior or seeking out sex) and you are staying in a relationship that only you want it to work. He is SAYING it but actions speak louder than words.
    He may very well love you, but he is confused as to what true love is. He can't love you with the right type of husband love. I'd separate from him and let him know that while you appreciate him being upfront with you, you will be honest with him-this is not acceptable in a marriage. He figures you won't do this, so he can go on with both relationships.
    And, make sure you file for temporary custody of the kids. He, of course, can still see them, but he is not emotionally or mentally stable right now...he is consumed with his addiction. Be the best mom you can be to them...and be the hero in the situation.
    Don't bad mouth him to the kids ever, get yourself a good counselor who can work through this with you and tell him that until a counselor lets you know (after HE has been seeing one) that he truly has done things to change (again, he has to break it off with her for good, not "kind of" break it off and then he has to address why he is cheating in the first place because he'll just do it again with someone else), then you can move forward and try and put the pieces back together again.
    You are not worth dragging yourself through this mental anguish day after day. He is not worth it. Really. He's not. No matter how great of a dad he has been this is not great role model behavior. No matter what type of husband you thought he was- he isn't.
    Please stand up for yourself and for your kids. It'll be the hardest thing you'll probably ever have to do but let him go....do not be linked to his sin, his addiction, don't be a party to it, condoning it by staying with him.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 09 November 2012 19:03 posted by Guest

    What you are holding onto is: What you are holding onto is the past image you had of him. Look at him now and decide if you had just met him, knowing what you know now of him, would you really even consider dating him? He is not husband material, despite you being together for so long. And, he does not respect you at all or he would have truly broken this off, gotten himself a new job with a different company and completely changed his habits. What he is doing now he will continue to do because there are no consequences for him- he can remain married and get the benefits of that while having a mistress on the side. He is using you and he may actually be biding time until YOU do the leaving because he is too gutless to do it himself. This type of man is incredibly self-centered and he is showing no signs of true change. Do you want to be in this same position 10, 20 years from now? What sort of self-esteem and self-respect would you have at that point? You will be eaten alive by this ongoing drama. And, if it wasn't this woman, he'd find someone else because he seems to crave the attention. Don't be a victim...as awful as it sounds, you need to put your foot down and divorce him. You are better off alone and single and free from him (and diseases!) than chase someone who does not care about you. I bet too, he will suddenly have a new found respect for you for doing it! Don't give in, though, unless he shows true signs of change- going to counseling with you, switching jobs, cutting her off, becoming an open book with you and coming back to you emotionally. Right now, he's gone. Don't hang onto what was, realize what IS right now. And, you're worth more than that!

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 08 November 2012 15:44 posted by Guest

    Your husband response: LEAVE HIM !!! sorry to be harsh with it , But you are a woman .. Gods greatest creation , he doesnt deserve you .. or his children if he can honestly put you and his family in that Position..

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 07 November 2012 05:57 posted by Guest

    husband cheated, says he wants to make it work but puts all blam: I found out my husband has been cheatin on me for 5 months. He has slept with this woman several times, including after he knew I knew. (he had gone out of town to visit her on their anniversary and says he didnt expect it to happen). when i confronted hime over thephone he kept lying and making excuses.

    He is now back home,, and although he tried to lie at the first conversation, he now seems to be being honest with me, and says he wants to make it work. I am willing to work on forgiving him for cheating, but i cannot deal with the possibility that he is lying and might still be communicating with her.

    What is really worrying me is he says he loves me and wants to make it work, but cannot see it working if my mother is still involved.

    We lived with my mother for 3 yrs after marriage, and then moved out for about a year. My mom then found herself in financial difficulties off and on and as a result, we have always lived together since then (we've been married 13 yrs) . She is a very independant strong woman and i have felt she takes over our lives (esp mine) through organising everything, insisting the house should be a certain way and giving my husband jobs around the house. I have given up trying to talk to her as my husband says he cant without "blowing up". my relationship with her is very starined as a result.


    Whilst i know this is an issue we need to deal with, i am very concerned that a) he is turning focus away from the affair and onto my mother. b) he does not seem to want to take responsibility and most of all c) he doesnt see the marriage working if we stay with my mother. We dont see a financial possiblity of finding her alternative accomodation, so is he saying there is no way to make it work, without having to be the reason it ends?

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 04 November 2012 11:19 posted by Guest

    Wow! I don't feel as bad: Wow! I don't feel as bad about my situation now. That is awful that you have a little maybe with health issues and he was cheating on you. I agree with you when kids are involved it is hard to leave the marriage. Plus in the economy right now he can afford to me divorced with children. Exspecialy in your situation. Best of luck to you.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 04 November 2012 11:04 posted by Guest

    cheating husband: My Husband told me 4 months ago that he has been cheating on me with a younger women. It has been going on for three years. She dumped him and moved on with another guy that is what lead him to tell me. Instead of him taking care of me and saying he was sorry. I was taking care of his broken hurt because he just got dumped. I told him what I hated the most was the lies so no more lieing. So over the past couple of months he has been trying to get her back. He said he just needs her to come back so he knows that she loved him and still loves him. He didn't want the affair just to be lust. He makes him feel better if he believes they are soul mates and could not have helped it from happening. He tells me he would never leave me and he loves me more than her. The thing that he most loves about her is her body. Well he finally won her back and neither one of them want to stop cheating ever. How can I live with this. I don't believe in divorce. What do I do? If I tell him to stop he will just start lieing again. I would rather now what is going on with him and her instead of being lied too. It hurts, but it also hurts him because he sees me hurting. Well this ever end? Parts of our marriage has gotten better, but it still hurst knowing that someother women is sleeping with him and holding him. O and we have a 5 year old and a 3year child to throw into the mix.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 03 November 2012 21:27 posted by Guest

    cheating husband....: I discoverer my husband had an affair (at least one) just over 2 years ago. He is/now was CEO of a South African listed financial services compAny with an elevated public profile and earned a lot of money and so he's pretty narcissistic and likes being in full control. He was relatively unapologetic re his cheating and so the rot set in to our marriage. I tried to forgive and forget for 2 years but it was a deal-breaker for me. We have a young daughter as well as 3 children from his previous marriage. I feel my plummetting esteem, humiliation and being permanently wondering if he was still lying drove me down the route of depression. I am a Brit living in Cape Town so I can't leave the country with my daughter without a protracted legal case. So, I feel I'm trapped here, am 46 years old so not sure what kind of work I might be able to secure (was a high-flyer in finance in London before moving her 9 years ago). Anyway, he is playing hard-ball with finances and am sure he's been hiding assets for some time in offshore accounts all over the world - I had ZERO access to any financial info during our marriage. Am at A bit of a loss on how to cope as family back in UK and Oz. I've retained a well-respected lawyer but I'm desperatly worried about my fina ncial poSition post-divorce....and really don't have an optionto return to the UK. Any ideas????

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 01 November 2012 18:53 posted by Guest

    What do I do next?: About 2 weeks ago, my husband tossed his phone on the bed and said "can you put that on my side table, please?". So when I picked it up, I accidentally unlocked his phone to reveal a texting conversation with a female he me at police academy. The first message I saw was "it's rough" and that immediately caught my attention. I read a little bit more and found out he was telling this girl that our marriage was rough. That was news to me. We had just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary the day before. But even before that, everything seemed fine to me. I had not noticed any out of the ordinary behavior. After reading that conversation I decided to get on his Facebook page and found another conversation between them. There, I read more of the same thing. He told her "sh%t could be better" when she asked how things were going with us. I was stunned! How could he tell her there were problems in our marriage and not tell me??? Well every night after the discovery, I waited til he went to sleep so I could look through his phone. In the nights following, I found 22 pictures of this girl. None of them were nude. And also several calls between them. Some of them were in the morning on his way to work and some were after he called to tell me he was on the way home. He has also been deleting their texting conversations. I can't help but to feel he is hiding something from me. He has been working later recently. This girl lives 3 hours away so I know he isn't sneaking around with her. I need help and advice. I don't know what to do next. I love him and don't want to lose him but this behavior is unacceptable.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 30 October 2012 13:38 posted by Guest

    cheating: I took care of bf i let him in my home i cooked cleaned washed his clothes bought cigerettes whatever he wanted i even gave him my extra phone only to find out he is on social websites texting girls telling them he wanted to be with them an they are sexy it hurt so bad he said of course it was my fault then he said he would never do it again but he also has a friend on facebook he gets money from but nothing ever happened i love him but i dont know what to do...help

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 02 October 2012 22:40 posted by Guest

    Follow your GUT! My gut was: Follow your GUT! My gut was saying "look in the phone". Our gut is our "Spiritual Man" when things are not right follow it! What I found in the phone was a conversation between him and a friend of his that I met maybe twice. ONce I confronted him about, he tells me it was a joke because she told him that every woman goes through their man's phone, so to prove a point thye started this heated converstion, sadly to say I don't trust him as I did when we first got married. We are still together and he knows where I stand. FOLLOW YOUR GUT! Talk too him and get it out in the open, if he is telling you the truth he won't get defensive. If he tells you "you don't trust him" look at that because any time some one is doing some thing that they are not suppose to it is very is too point the finger to make them feel better.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 02 October 2012 18:03 posted by Guest

    More Questions: Should I ask him if he has been faithful?

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 02 October 2012 18:00 posted by Guest

    will you help me with my: will you help me with my question...

    Subject: My Gut vs. My Heart - What to do?

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 02 October 2012 17:59 posted by Guest

    It does seem a little odd. : It does seem a little odd. What's the rush? What's the urgency? Why so important? Is he expecting you to cook? Or if he cooks, I'd pay attention to how much effort he puts into it. Comply...but keep a close eye on him and her. Men are much more sloppy with theirs so if it looks fishy you'll be able to tell. And her Mother is coming too....may be nothing...

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 02 October 2012 17:45 posted by Guest

    My Gut vs. My Heart - What to do?: I don’t know what to do. My gut tells me that my husband of 3 years has been cheating.
    He went out of town and forgot his phone, so I went through it. I know it’s a no no, but I can’t say that I regret it.
    I found
    1. An old voicemail from March 2012, where a girl, whom I’ve met before, was saying, “So, I put it on you like that? I made it home. Hope you make it back home okay. Call me.” He was out of town at the time. I also found on the bill that for the 3 days that he was out of town, that he exchanged text messages with her all three days.
    2. I also found another voicemail from a girl that said, “I had a good time last night. I was wondering if you were busy Thursday or Friday?”
    3. There was also another text that could have been innocent, but it was also followed by a “Call me” voicemail.
    I’m not sure what to do about this because snooping is a no no. However, snooping doesn’t excuse cheating.
    Should I wait, until I find something that is in my face? Should I confront him with the information that I have? What should I do?
    I don’t want my marriage to end, but I also don’t want to be one of those weak women who let the husband get away with anything. I also don’t want my 15 year old son to grow up without a daddy.
    Help please!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 02 October 2012 17:27 posted by Guest

    Dinner?: Ok! I just found out that HE not WE are having these 2 ladies over this weekend. No he didn't disscuss it with me nothing was said until today/last night. Now some one tell me if I'm over reacting? Remember they don't know me, never seen me, nor do I them! Over reacting?

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 02 October 2012 00:10 posted by Guest

    cheating or not: My husband's best friend sister and mother has moved to town, and he says they want to meet me. They have never seen me nor heard of me before. One night we went over to thier home at 8 pm because he just kept telling me they want to meet you, over and over. Asked if it could wait, he gets defensive. We go over there mother is sleep but the youn lady isn't she wouldn' turn on any light, she's a petite little thing, which that's what my husband likes, I"m not, I got beautiful curves. I'm uncomfortable sitting there in the dim light. So am I over reacting or is there something more?

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 22 September 2012 09:20 posted by Guest

    cheating husband: Wow. Our story sounds a lot the same. My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We had a good marriage. Good sex three times a week. We have two druthers together, 19 and 20. About a year ago I start feeling something was not right. I had that guilt feeling. I have always trusted my companion. I have never been the type to check his cell phone. Something told me to. I was scared what I would find. The first time I checked his phone, I notice a number that was calling him a lot all day. So I checked his test messages, and he had a lot of texting from the number as well. Next I read the messages and in some she was talking sexual to him. I looked to see if he replied, and he did. I even know this young lady. I am 42, my husband is 54, and she is 26. I confronted him and he denied it. He came up with an excuse. I wanted to believe him, so I did. Months later I got the same feeling but stronger. Something told me to check his phone, but I was scared what I would find. Finally one late night I decided to and she was calling him, texting him, and sending him naked pictures of herself. I also found out that he had taken naked pictures of himself as well. I confronted him again. At first he got mad and then would not discuss it with me. In 3 days from then, he decided to tell the truth. He told me that she was sending him pictures and he knows that it was wrong, but they did not sleep together and he has never been unfaithful. I was so up-set, but I was not surprise because I felt something was not right. I wanted to leave him, but I could not. I even got sick. I love him so much it would be hard for me to live with-out him. We are trying to work through this. It is hard. Even though they did not sleep together, it is like they did.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 11 September 2012 09:22 posted by Guest

    Infidelity: Im going thru the same thing. I've suspected it b/c of porn and days disappearing. Then he admitted to staying with a female for 4 days. No sex he swears. Yea right. It drives me insane. Some days I'm ok others it eats me alive. I'll never trust him again.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 04 September 2012 07:13 posted by Guest

    Not even married a year: Hi,

    I've married my high school sweetheart and 10 years later we got married last November. About 8 weeks ago I realised that he had stopped saying he loved me, kissing me, hugging me etc. So I confronted him and he said that he was under a lot of stress.

    Our baby was born 10 weeks premature last September. He is now on home oxygen therpay and is fed by tube. Because of this my husband stays at home to take care of him. For financial reasons I returned to work full time to support our family.

    I tried to get him talk things and issues through with me and he just clams up and looks moody.

    Yesterday I was asing about a trip he took away (went Saturday 5pm and returned 11.30pm Sunday). He couldn't give any answers about what he'd being doing so I asked if was seeing somebody else. He said that he was seeing a girl from his Bro's Uni. That's it he's clammed uo again.

    I really don't know what to do now. I can't kick him out because I need to him to look after our child. And (please feel free to groan) I still love him immensley.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 31 August 2012 12:35 posted by Guest

    You are sooo lucky... for one: You are sooo lucky... for one reason... you said BF... ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU! kick his asa out and focus on your career and find a man good enough tor you.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 25 August 2012 22:46 posted by Guest

    You will never forget. He: You will never forget. He may still continue to see her, or break it off then find another woman. People who go out side of their marriage are damaged and are looking for something that doesn't exist, but they still go out looking. I am struggling with my husband's affair, and I think I might actually leave him. It will never end..if this one does there will be another.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 19 August 2012 14:56 posted by Guest

    My husband of 35 years is: My husband of 35 years is having an affair with a co-worker. It has been going on for about 1 year. I suspected when it was starting, but he swore they were just working together and they were just friends. He is with her all day every work day. THey have traveled on conference trips together. He had cheated when he was young but they were one night flings. This is an intense emotional and physical affair. I caught them in a hotel while they were on business. When he came home we fought all weekend and he decided he would work it out with me. He promised to break it off with her. He said they only slept together a few times at conferences. He went to work and told me he told her the sex had to end and he said she was fine with that. I have since found that they are still together. I know they are together a few days a week even now in the summer ( they are supposed to be off from work) . He drinks wine with her. I found he has viagra...I know he is using it with her. She is younger than he is. He is 55. One day he came home with his pants stuck in his socks. THat really hurt me because it was clear that (1) he can't end it with this woman ( she is also married) and (2) it is more than just a quick sex thing. THey are actually getting all their clothes off somewhere and being together all day. We fought . He said he would pack his bags and leave, which leads me to believe they have a place where they go where he knows he can stay. I got scared and begged him to stay. I have been with him since I am 14. I have never known another man. We have 3 grand children. I do have a good job and actually make more money than him, but we have debt. SHe is younger and very beautiful. She works with him and they write and research together. I think he loves her because one day I had called him at work and he thought he hung up but he didn't and I heard them talking for almost 2 hours before I couldn't listen any more. THey are close with each other. It was like they were married, the way they were talking, so this is an intense relationship. I think he has been seeing her a lot this summer


    I also love him and don't want to be divorced, but this is killing me. He goes back to work with her next week and they will be together all the time. I hate her. I want to please him and show him that I am a good wife. I make him have sex with me so he knows I still leant it. I try to be nice and not get mad at him for this and not fight. I try to make him good food ( she feeds him at work and probably wherever they go to have sex) and he isn't hungry when he comes home and he falls asleep on the couch. She is taking everything from him and leaving me nothing, so on the weekend I make him take me to the movies and make sure we have sex. He has been trying new things that I don't like that he must have learned from her. It takes him longer to have an orgasm and sometimes he can't. He says that is normal. I think she has tired him out or he is saving it for her.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 18 August 2012 22:26 posted by Guest

    hard to forgive and forget the past: 2 months ago I confronted my husband about his affair. It had been going on for over a year. He tells me that they never had sex only texting and phone calls. I find that hard to believe. We have decided to reconcile and work things out but I have days that I just can't get the thoughts out of my head. How do you forgive and forget all the haunting memories.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 16 August 2012 16:20 posted by Guest

    cheating husband: Everything you said my husband did when I asked him about it he lied and is still lying his affair is bad we've been married 27yrs what's really bad is its with his cousins wife I got all kinds if prof her husband knows but he's in denile the affair has been going on for 2yrs I've tried to work it out but I can't belive anything he says he says trust me I'm your husband but he's ripped my heart out and feed it to me and he's still talking to het he says they are just friends I no better I'm angry lost at what to do I'm glad our kids are grown

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 03 August 2012 07:45 posted by Guest

    Get out now! Take your: Get out now! Take your daughter and leave. He will ACT as if he cares but deep down inside won't. It's one thing for you to be married to a sex addict, that is what he is, but how do you expect one to parent? A little girl for that matter. Her well being should be most important to you, and once a man engages in viewing porn, and "cheating," those images have polluted their mind. Do you really want that around your innocent daughter who is DEPENDING ON YOU, her lifeline, to nurture and PROTECT her at all costs!!! Get out it will be better for you both in the long run.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 02 August 2012 15:41 posted by Guest

    Cheating Husband: My husband of 32 yrs has cheated on me. I found a conversion that he was having with her texting. He has ammitted to it and I am just dumbfounded to say the least. I am 49 and he is 51 and she is 32. Our daughters age. This is the second time in the last 20 yrs ago. I am just a walking shell. We are on the down side of retirement. I don't get it. Our sex life was great, the home was clean, the children respectable, 2 beautiful Grandchild, I have kept myself up.. I just do not get it. I want to stop crying... The sad thing is I do love him.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 27 July 2012 19:18 posted by Guest

    ....: Oh...That brought back rage for me....I feel for you..that's exactly what happened to me..I discovered that my husband was sleeping with multiple people....no regard for my health emotionally or physically. My children were devastated so for their sake I said that the only way I could even consider staying was that he get help and we talk about it with a therapist because I could never be able to forgive all his lies and disrespect without it..and he should earn my trust again and take as long as I needed...well after 1 session..somehow my ex thought I should magically get over it and stop being a bitch about it....he said he would have to think about if he wanted to be with me since I made such a big deal out of the whole thing!! HA!! Leaving was the best thing ever..I literally caught myself humming as I left!! something I hadn't done for quite a while before that day.
    Sometimes I think they dont want to put the effort and just expect us to accept everything..they do not love us and want us to do all the work of divorcing and everything or just want to saty so they can have a clean house and dinner on the table and dont want to to legally forced to hand over a set amount each month..I love being without him..I and the kids really flourished in a loving , trusting household after we left! I have to see him occassionally when he sees/skypes the kids..and I just think he's the biggest ass clown ever-I feel sorry for him.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 27 July 2012 13:42 posted by Guest

    Just found as well: For me he was using craigslist. He states nothing has happen, but a part of does not believe him. He also states that he never had intentions of hooking up that he just needed to feel wanted sexually. We have sex he takes lead and I do not go for it. We sex life is ok I thought. I have found pic that he has sent and that is how I found out. I can't track his phone because he is using his company phone. This is the second time in 20 yrs he too promising never to do it again. We have 3 kids my oldest 18 and youngest will be 12 soon. I am just getting ready to start nursing school and feel that will further separate us. I feel your pain and so get your heart ache. I hope things have gotten better for you!

    Looking for hope

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 25 July 2012 03:28 posted by Guest

    let go: it must be very difficult for you. If you stay, there's nothing for you. This person not worth your love. Be independent financially and just let go of him...you will feel better. Let Go!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 24 July 2012 22:20 posted by Guest

    Yours was the first marriage: Yours was the first marriage that has been around as long as mine. We've been married 27 years! I would really appreciate if:
    1: how do you create a new account so you can look at his cell phone call history
    2: did you choose to stay together and work it out?

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 21 July 2012 02:40 posted by Guest

    Hi,

    I have also married high: Hi,

    I have also married high school sweetheart, have 2 kids and pregnant with the 3rd and 28 yrs old. I feel the same as you. Just trapped and can't think of what to do. Tell me how did you survive this?

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 08 July 2012 23:15 posted by Guest

    Understand: Hi, I understand all of you said. The same situation as me. I do not know how can I save my marriage. You know I hate myself too much love him. That is why I always to forgive him on cheat me. Recently, we do not live together. I also to avoid his call. I want to know what do I feeling if we do not commiucation at all of month. See what I will get finally.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 04 July 2012 05:03 posted by Guest

    Even though his comp is: Even though his comp is protected with a password you can still get past it. Just Google it. You're pregnant and this is your most sensative time, you need him. Talking to you as a sister, Don't ever let any guy make you feel like that regardless of having kids. Leave his ass after the baby is born. Focus on You & kids.. Don't make the mistake of feeling like you have to be with him for the kids. I've been in your shoes. Leave him

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 20 June 2012 15:05 posted by Guest

    and that would make you the: and that would make you the dumbass for sitting home alone while another woman has your husband

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 14 June 2012 19:19 posted by Guest

    Wow! I am very much going: Wow! I am very much going through the same thing! the only thing is my BF is a compulsive liar! he never admits to anything even with the evidence right in front of him! Just recently I was concerned as to why he was constantly calling this girl that he works with. Everytime I left to go to school he would call her about 30 minutes later and they would be on the phone for hours before work! So I printed out the call logs and showed it to him. He was outraged! He slammed doors cussing and fussing about me always accusing him and everything so naturally me being me I got the number and called her! After convincing her about how he lies and why she shouldnt be protecting him because he's decieving us both, SHE TOLD ME EVERYTHING! With no problem, so after I confronted him again and she got on the phone on speaker and repeated EVERYTHING about how he has fallen for her and how he wanted her in his life, and how he was unhappy! I CUT THE HELL UP! he then acknowledged what he did and admitted after he threw his lil fit earlier on! IDK what to do I try to work with him being that he doesnt have a place to live, and really no money and I provide every damn thing! Just lets me know he is running clean over me! Now i'm like why the hell should I sympathize? he doesn't seem to be worried about the consequences of his actions so again WHY? I just wanted to elaborate on what you were saying, you are not alone!!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 12 June 2012 00:16 posted by Guest

    ive been married for 5 yrs: ive been married for 5 yrs now, our first year of marriage was alright...right before our 2nd year anniversary, my husband changed so much..you know he had all da symptoms of a cheating husband. i obviously caught him, i wont lie..i went bizarre on his ass. worst part i tried confronting the other gurl..he got so mad, and we ended up in a physical fight. i left him, 3 months later we got back together...3 years have passed, i thought my marriage was going so good...slowly i starting trusting him again..but just now i got on his facebook and there it is..all this messages from this girl he knew back in da days...apparently they're so attracted to each other, he's makin plans to go see her..she knows he's married, but she doesnt care....it hurts so much to see the man you love, the father of your kids..go around tellin other woman how unhappy he is, and how much he wants to be with her. when at home, he'll constantly remind me that he loves me...i dunno. we have 2 kids together, its so hard to even think about starting all over again..and down da line..meet another guy who will probably bring even more trouble into my life..who knows! aah all this things going on in my head..really dont know what to do..well ill take that back..i know what i should do..but damn that feeling called LOVE. messes up with your head all da time!

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 11 June 2012 23:59 posted by Guest

    Trust me, if your gut is: Trust me, if your gut is telling you something is not right, then something probably isn't right. For 4 months, my gut told me the same thing, however my heart was in denial and I found out my husband was having an affair with someone I know. I was DEVASTATED!! I saw a text from a name I was unfamiliar with but, it was from her. He just gave her a different name! We pay our cell phone bills on line, so, I decided to look at the billing history but, he had changed the password. So, I created another one and when I gained access to the cell phone history, I saw that not only, were they texting EVERY SINGLE DAY, it was ALL DAY & Night! It didn't matter where my husband was at or who he was with, he would be texting her in front of me, saying it was one of his friends. I also found that they were sending each other nude pictures of themselves. She also liked to make videos for him and send them through e-mail. Although, he claims they never actually had sex! We have been together for 22 yrs. & married for 12 of those yrs. and have to young children. This has been a total nightmare for me. Good luck to all of you.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 05 June 2012 11:14 posted by Guest

    How did you confront him? I: How did you confront him? I am kind of and hopefully not in the same situation. I found disturbing texts on his phone. I know I shouldn't have looked but saw one pop up saying something about sexual related and of course was pissed. I reproached him stayed calm, got some advise from a friend first who unfortunately went through it as well couple years ago. He denies everything, says work is getting to him. I just don't know what to believe because since I saw the texts. I told him whatever it was work, etc he can be honest with me. Nothing yet and hopefully never. I just hope he does always tell me the truth. I'm kind of letting it go for now but obviously as you can see, it still is bothering me. I just had a funny gut reaction something is not right. I am really sorry for what you and your dtr are going through. Prayers to you both and I agree it's more a trust issue.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 25 May 2012 20:43 posted by Guest

    i know how you feel : i found out last year and the affair happened after 24 years of marriage and 4 children, its so hard its been a year and i still dont trust him, he tries to make me feel like this is a new start and things are going to be different but how do you go back. we also seem to be making it work, but somethings it feel like we are going through the motions. i just cant get that trust back and dont know if i ever will. its usually harder when he isnt home, all thoughts go through my head. i wish i could tell you it will be easier my mother in law told me it takes time and years. i still dont know if its worth it, and i am deeply inlove with my husband but he broke us and its hard putting the pieces together

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 25 May 2012 10:03 posted by Guest

    cheating husband: I caught my husband cheating by accidently finding text messages on his phone, He denied it at first, then admitted he had been seeing this girl for 6 months on saturdays when he was supposedly working.
    For my daughters sake i have reconciled with my husband but cannot bring my self to have sex with him. The trust is gone, once a cheat always a cheat. Now he has been dropping my daughter off at daycare @ 7am ,he doesn't need to be to work til 8am. Here we go again. Do i kick his ass out or do i just let him stay. I need him financially or i will sink and my 7 yr old daughter will be devastated. He owes 30,000 dollars in child support from another ex wife.
    I guess i know the anwser, i just have to do it and deal with all the family drama. His life is about to get very uncomfortable!! :-)

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 13 May 2012 17:24 posted by Guest

    Two years ago I found the: Two years ago I found the same thing, my husband texting other women things married man shouldn't be texting. I confronted him and he denied it, but said he didn't like the accusations and wanted to leave. I told him to go but a week later I found out I was pregnant with twins. We decided to work it out. It's been two years and I thought things were going well till I found more text to strange women. This time when confronted he did admitted it, and to the first time too. Now what? He did agree to counciling this time, but do i really want to be that women that goes through her marriage choosing to keep her eyes closed and get walked on again. I have no advise, but if it happened once, it could very well happen again. And do I really want to put my Kids through all this later in their life? We are starting the coin long next week. Time will tell but it's a place to start.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 07 May 2012 15:53 posted by Guest

    Wanting things to be normal: i married my high school sweetheart and almost 28 years and three children later, on this past Valentine's Day, I learned that my husband has been having an affair. After my complete emotional breakdown and a prescription for Prozac, I am trying to be rational and civil and optimistic that we can rebuild from here. He says that its over for them, but they do see each other every day at work. I'm struggling with trusting that he is where he says he is and that he isn't wishing he was with her instead of me. On the surface, it looks like we are trying...but I feel as though I'm not being honest about how hurt and devastated I am...my whole foundation has been ripped out from beneath me...the one person I trusted and believed loved me like no other doesn't...and I simply feel exhausted and like I'm just muddling through. I'm not even sure what's realistic to hope for at this point...

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 30 April 2012 08:42 posted by Guest

    reply: I am so sorry that ou ae in the situation that you are and I really feel for you. I am a young wife as well. I am 27. My husband and I have been married for almost seven years now. We have gone all through the cheating thing on both sides. when there is infidelity there will always be a gap in your heart. Honestly no matter what you do you will always think of it form time to time. It's just like that childhood scar that you got. Sometimes you forget that it's there, but at that moment when you look at it the memories are all so clear.If your husband is having a hard time being faithful, then maybe ou all should seek counseling. He mite really have a sex addition that he can't identify at the time. If that isn't it then it could be that he really does'nt want to be married at the time, or is not in love with you. Wateva it may be my suggestion to you is not to waist your time not doing anything or going on unfulfilled promises. either seek help or leave. either way be happy.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 22 April 2012 15:06 posted by Guest

    in the same boat: Your story spoke directly to me because on the 20th, I found photos of my husband's affair. I am 29 weeks pregnant with our fourth baby and am beyond devastated. I don't have advice as i am still reeling but wanted you to know you are not alone.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 21 April 2012 02:21 posted by Guest

    I am honestly at a loss at to: I am honestly at a loss at to what to do. About a month and a half ago I saw a text from my husband to another woman calling her gorgeous and sexy... asking if he was going to see her tonight. At the time we were living apart while he was in school in the military. I immediately confronted him and he denied it saying that it was just a friend from back home... I did not believe him but we tried to work through it. We are now living back together. He has his own laptop which is password protected and refuses to give me the password when I borrow it. However, one day he left it open on his Facebook and I saw several messages to other women asking to chat with them, calling them sexy, and asking for their phone numbers. I confronted him once again and he denied it; saying that it wasn't him. That "he can't have friends". t have seen several emails from different porn websites on his phone which advertise meeting sexy singles. I don't know if he has physically cheated on me or not. But he consistently will leave the room when he gets a text message and if I go anywhere near his phone he gets very defensive and angry. I honestly don't know what to do. We have only been married a short time, plus I am currently 7 and half months pregnant with his daughter. I am worried about the stress it can do to her and whether or not I want to bring her into a home where this is going on. Any advice would be welcome!

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 09 April 2012 15:07 posted by Guest

    I completely understand you.: I completely understand you. Last night I found a text from my husband to his sister saying "you should hook me up with your friend Nancy." Just the night before he had given me a speech about how much he loved me and blah blah blah. He says he didn't mean anything by the text, that he just saw her and thought she was cute. And even though he didn't actually do something, it makes me think why he would even feel the need to write a text like that. I can't give you any advice, but maybe it comes as some comfort to know that you are not crazy and not alone.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 15 March 2012 08:49 posted by Guest

    i posted pictures of my cheating husband : I was cleaning our apartment and came across some flash drives that had pictures and videos of my husband behaving very very badly and we are getting divorced. he has stopped child support and that has caused me and my baby to be evicted. we are in a shelter now living day to day. i am bitter about how my x husband behaved and ruined a wonderful family. I was going to post one of his videos but decided just to post his picture that he sent his mistress here http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/23/stevechastitycolor.jpg/. I can be reached via email or facebook http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003631218265

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 08 March 2012 11:42 posted by Guest

    Husband cheated and has left home: I have been married to my husband for 3 years. 2 of those 3 years, he has cheated on me twice. i recently found out about them this past january. we have been going to counseling and really trying to work things out. then a week and half ago, i blew up on him cause i was holding all my anger in and he decided to move out while i was at work. he says he needs time to think and doesn't know if he will come back home or not. i just can't believe it, he did me wrong and now i have to wait around for him to make up his mind? i love him with all of my heart but i pray every night that my love would disappear so that i can just divorce him, but no changes has been made in my heart. i must be an idiot to wait around for him.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 08 March 2012 10:40 posted by Guest

    Husband on the verge......: My husband and I have been married for 4 years (5 in May) and together 9 years. I'm 26, he's 33, we're still young & our marriage is still fresh. So, my husband plays these little games on my phone & I never think anything of it. Sometimes I would get on it while at work to collect his money for him. Well on Monday when he picked me up from work, he asked me to check the game and collect his money for him. So when I opened the app, there was a message from a girl saying, "hey baby is me shelly". And it all went downhill from there. I saw messages where he was talking dirty to her, wishing she was closer to him and he even asked for her number! He actually did call her (he did all this on my phone while I was sleeping btw) but it was a wrong number. I was ready to go. I went and got my suitcases and was ready. He begged and pleaded and apologized over and over again. Finally, I decided I'd stay. It would be really hard to get over but I don't want a divorce. I love him. So the next morning I called in sick at work so we could spend the day together and try to forget about what happened. He wakes up super early all the time. He'll go to the living room and watch tv. So that day he did the same thing and I woke up about 9ish and he comes into the room wanting to make love & watch "movies". The whole time all I can think of are the things he said to this woman and the fact that he tried to call her but I bite my tongue because I stayed and so I can't keep throwing it in his face. So after we were done, he's in the shower and his phone was nowhere to be seen. So I start searching for it. I found it in the living room. I checked his internet and the history was clear. I did a quick scroll thru his txts and phone calls. I checked his email and there it was. A message from a woman he emailed on Craigslist. All he asked her was, "so where are you". She went on to say how she wasn't looking for anything serious, just some fun but that she was ready if he was. I confronted him immediately. He admitted it and pleaded the same b/s I heard the day before. He even said she wasn't the first woman he's messaged. I feel completely betrayed. I want to leave, but I can't make myself. I can't stand being with a man I can't trust, I feel like I don't even know him. I thought I had a "perfect" husband who was also a "perfect" dad to our 8 year old little girl. I mean, just the night before that email was seen, we went and got tattoos on our ring fingers that say Forever. And the NEXT MORNING he's ready to wonder off again!!!!! He keeps taking chances, testing me to see how much he can get away with. That's what it feels like anyway. Of course he denies that. He just keeps lying and lying. I've been catching him back to back lying within minutes. He'll say one thing then a minute later he contradicts himself and admits he's lying again. Today is my first day back at work and I can think is, "What is he doing". I don't know how much of this I can take. I don't know if I can take this at all. Please someone give me some advice. Is it not SO bad because nothing actually happened (that I know of) or is it pretty much just the same as cheating? I'm so lost and torn and hurt. I don't know what to do.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 08 February 2012 21:29 posted by Guest

    Im not married but I can tell you: remember to keep your dignity. it doesnt phase you, you are happy..even though you want to push him off a cliff when you found out..you are a lady looking good everyday...even though you might feel terrible inside...you are HAPPY. you know what he's done, you knew it all along. But YOU must make yourself look better in his eyes than the chick he's interested in. So make your own mysterious ways, go out wearing your best jewelry, workout, dont let him in on the gossip, shut him out, but look and feel amazing while doing so. let him know what he's losing. Cook amazing meals, have yours and leave his plate out to dry when he comes home. dont be afraid to try if you want this to work. He needs to understand his wife is there and will be there, thats what wedding vows are for. BUT if you are doing all you can to be the amazing girl like you were when you two first met, even though dating and marriage made it a little old news in his eyes, bring new news to the situation, spice it up and be sassy, but if that doesnt work and he's still gone, take your things and go. you tried, he failed already, he fails as a good man, and you can keep going as a beautiful woman with class. CLASS IS KEY. i realized this with my last husband, and i was too devastated and dramatic that it made him only want to leave more. but I left him finally, and he finally realized and has yet to stop emailing me. My NEW husband , knows this and takes it lightly because he knows he's the one in my life, but ive just discovered HE has been lying about a woman this whole time. we've been married one year in july. I am playing it cool, keeping my own game up (making him remember im the best thing in his world) and its working. I'm not cheating at all, I just want him to think I am fine without him, and somewhat going back to my ways of independance. It's working for me because he still gets jealous when I leave and not say where I'm going, but wearing great clothes and best makeup. He's been at home more, and i've always cooked dinner but now i just make an awesome lunch then leave. so he's home but im not home for about ooo3 hours in the evening. we fight about it, but im really just going to starbucks drinking coffee and sitting on facebook on my laptop, then to grab beer and come home. we dont have kids, but we are talking about it. In every conversation we have, I am completely low key about knowing, but inside i am crashing. He will know when I finally come to him, apologizing for going out and kissing a man who asked me to leave him. Yes I plan on this, eye for an eye in a way. Seriously I have nowhere on no one to do that with, but I will find someone to kiss. When he gets defensive over me, thats when I say, well didnt you screw this other girl? Im going to listen to what he says, but tell him the other man was right about men like him, and thats why I should leave him. Maybe im too much all about revenge, but I am female. I deserve the satisfaction, because ive been playing it cool for about 3 weeks now. im at home right now, but im "going out" later, and i think now that i've read all these heartbreaking stories, im going to do the kiss thing tonight. He can rot, while im making out. I found out he was cheating from a girlfriend who recently separated from her husband. Well her husband and MY husband who are like brothers were hanging out one night and her husband butt dialed her. All she heard was them talking, and MY husband talking to this girl, spilled tequila on her, and said he's got to suck it up now. She said she heard the girl laughing, telling her our husbands they both needed to get in on the action, but her husband called her that night and said that MY HUSBAND left with her that night while he stayed and promised the world that he didnt take part in any of it as she accused. Then she told me. So here I am. Looking fabulous, disgusted, I dont kiss him anymore and we havent slept together in 3 weeks. He knows something is up, he's just a coward. And its up to me now to do what I want and feel is best.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 24 January 2012 22:51 posted by Guest

    LEAVE IT TO GOD: married 16 years and have endured at least two of husband's affairs. husband successful CEO at 45 and me not-so-successful at 43. however, i learnt that it's best to just not go into the kill-you-when-you-sleep mode.
    the minute i learnt of his 'relationship' with the second girl, i told him 'good luck to you and i'm out of here' - due to technical matters tho (fear of not getting child custody) has made it necessary for me to remain in the family home. thank GOD however, i have endured this stress a little bit better than my 1st discovery of the 1st girl years ago. it took me more than 10 years to finally come to terms with the first girl, and lo and behold - the 2nd girl is already in the picture. hmmmm.....it's taken me roughly 1 month to turn this matter around. I have commenced official proceedings (court-endorsed marital counselling), and am slowly gaining strength. I am not very religious, but i try to stay closer to GOD now. it's no joyride, but I realise i contributed to the problems myself. I learnt not to be vengeful....it's hard but i'm trying to be as dignified and as classy as Sandra Bullock and Elin Nodregen were.
    Leave with dignity, class and grace. it's never too late to be a lady. By the way, I don't really know at this point if I want my hubby back - but it would be great to just prove a point to the OW.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 20 January 2012 23:55 posted by Guest

    It's time to move on: It's been 3 years since I found out that my husband of over 25 years had and is still having an affair. I confronted twice, I gave ultimatums if the affair didn't stop, but that has not helped. He continues to lie and hide, recently I almost caught them together. I say almost because when he realized that I was going to see him pick her up after work, he lied and said he was going to the hospital to visit a co-worker. The hospital is not far from her work place. Since then he has been guarding his cell phone with his life. He never lets it out of his sight. I think the mistake that I made was confronting him in the first place when I found the texts and emails he wrote to her. I am done I am ready to leave him and start a new life. I cannot continue to live with a man that I don't trust.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 17 January 2012 00:30 posted by Guest

    I am going through he same: I am going through he same thin you are and I'm so glad I'm not the only one. My story is a little different than yours; my husband had been textin his ex girlfriend and at first I didn't say anything about it because I trusted him. I would never consider there being something going on. But yesterday I went through his phone because I just needed to reassure myself and there was a text to her from him saying that he loves her. I asked him about it just today and he said he would never say that to her when he tried to prove he wasn't lying by showing me his phone, he had deleted the message. He will still not admit it. I even asked his ex if they did anything acting like him and she said they kissed in early December and that he got mad at her for not wanting to have sex. Every fight we get into, he turns it right around and blames everything on me. I can't stand to try to get him to tell me the truth because of it.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 30 December 2011 02:30 posted by Guest

    Is Ignorance bliss?: On christmas day after being intiment with my husband of 2 and a half years....he went to clean up and I was just looking at his phone to see if his friend had sent any more funny texts... instead I found naked pictures of his old roommate(female) that I allowed him to live with the last year of college... the upsetting part is that the pictures and sex talk was done on the Saturday after my family buried my father after he had been sick for sometime... i didn't not confront him and really don't know where to start... before we married i had done somthing of the sorts...it was only one picture and i never had sex with the guy my husband (fiance at the time) found out and we faught about it and moved past it... but now we've been married almost 3 years and i don't know if this has happened before or if they've slept together... i just know what i saw and in a way wish i hadn't... i was 19 when we got married and in everyother fight we have its as if im always apologizing but on this one i know its not my fault ive done nothing but be the best wife i could possibly be but after i lost my job and can't find work its as if i have to serve him left and right and like im not good enough for him... so i know he'll find a way for it to be my fault so i don't know how to go about confronting him if i can't defend myself?

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 27 September 2011 07:25 posted by Guest

    Cheating husband : I got pregnant at 15 I got married at 16. My husband and I were fine for 3 years. One day he went to his best friends house and didn't come back. He left me to raise my 4 year old alone. I found a job that same week. 8 months later we got back together we moved in together then months later I found out he was sleeping and partying those 8 months we had been separated. It was hard bc I had already moved in with him. I decided to work it out bc my son seemed happy to b back w his dad. Especially since his dad saw him only 2 times while we were separated. We got back in October of '08. Just last month in August of this year 2011 some random car just drove up in our drive way. My husband and I were washing his car outside. Two giys come out and so does this girl she's missed up so missed up she's going all over the place she can't talk
    right or stand up on her own the guy is helping her
    stand up. She was the girl that worked at our suntrust
    bank.I confronted my husband bc I knew something
    was wrong. Apparently they had been sleeping around.
    I kicked him out that same night. I've had it one thing is to do it to me while we were separated the other when were living together. We have 2 boys now one 7 years old the other 8 months and with epilepsy. I felt like punching the girl but I held back bc my kids can't
    have two stupid parents. The girl apparently has a
    family of her own that pisses me off even more. I am
    so disappointed in my husband. But I need to do
    what's best for my kids and me especially for my kids.
    The first time my husband left my oldest son would
    cry so much for his dad this time around I asked my
    son how he was feeling bc I didn't no how to bring up
    the fact that his dad wasn't living w us anymore. His
    Answer was " mom I'm used to it" that broke my heart
    bc it was true his dad was always out of the house
    using excuses he was out volunteering w the firefighters. Bc he had been going to school for that but failed then allhe could do is volunteer afterwards. I no I am better off without him. Its easier to say no to him the 2nd time around.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 22 August 2011 06:43 posted by Guest

    My husband for 10 years has: My husband for 10 years has been cheating on me in my own bed with a young girl who is 20 years younger than he is. He is having a baby with her too.

    I want to leave him but he begs me to stay with him and he tells me how much he loves me etc..... I forgave him so many times and fought with the girl for him. but she wants him too because she is a homeless and my husband have a good job. her charm is that she have nothing else to do but give him sex and tell him all the lies that the would like to hear.

    I gave him 3 days to get out of my house. we have two boys (8, 2 y/o). when I am at work he takes her places with my boys and sleeps in my bed with her while boys are at home. He makes them watch tv while having sex with her. My 8 y/o knows all about it.

    Millions of time he promised me that he will not see her, communicate with her etc... but he fails to do... he is addicted to her. He even have a secret phone to communicate just with her. He sees her everynight during his work shift beacsue he wors at night.

    He has been off for two hrs. now but not home yet. He works less than 5 miles from home. I know he with her right now. Not answering his phone.

    I am so confused. I want to raise my boys in a normal family, but I also do not want my boys to learn that it is ok to cheat on their wives.

    Help me please. I can never trust him again because he has been cheating on me with so many other woman but this one is almost impossible to break. Our marriage has been damaged beyond any hope fro it to get any better.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 29 August 2010 03:44 posted by Guest

    your advise is really great.: your advise is really great. thank you. I'm about to take a very small first step.

  • Comment Link divrcedsocialnetworkgal Friday, 12 March 2010 14:03 posted by divrcedsocialnetworkgal

    divorce support social network for divorced, divorcing women: A friendly gesture to everyone who has posted comments on this article, and who is challenged with potential cheating and in need of help or friendly advice ... You should join the social network here (http://community.firstwivesworld.com/?page=home) and post your comment in the "blogs" section.

    It's a private, secure social network for women contemplating, navigating or moving beyond divorce. There's a very supportive community of women going through what you're going through, and if you post your issues or challenges there, you're bound to get honest, sincere advice from the women of the network. Just go here and sign in: http://community.firstwivesworld.com/?page=home I hope this helps! It certainly helped me :)

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 08 March 2010 10:19 posted by Guest

    Husbands always flip when: Husbands always flip when they want to deflect guilt. That way you won't ask again and you will feel like you are in the wrong for doing so.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 01 February 2010 10:29 posted by Guest

    cheating husband: Let me first say I'm sorry. I was where you are at. Felling stupid for thinking things like that. Believing his stories. Letting it go every time. But a couple of days ago I intercepted a call from the other woman. It took me 8 months to figure it out!!!! She is really nice by the way. Its not her fault. He told her he was divorced. What's really sad is that I already wanted to leave before any of this happened. I already had enough reasons to leave. He drinks like a fish and treats me like crap. So my advice to you is........
    If you already have doubt in your mind why are you still there? You have a job it's not like you are a stuck housewife. Do it for your son! Your son learns how to treat a woman from him. Are you really going to take it/ The man clearly doesn't respect you and obviously thinks you're stupid. You are not stupid! you don't deserve this!!! Don't ever let him make you feel like it is your fault!!!! It is not your fault!!!! If a person is unhappy they should leave a relationship, not betray a person like that. my husband is still trying to pin this on me. I wasn't affectionate enough apparently. Well that was a little impossible when he was at the bar more than he was home.
    It will be ok!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 08 September 2009 19:54 posted by Guest

    Hey, wondering how it's gone: Hey, wondering how it's gone for you? I'm in the same position right now and am fed up!

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 30 May 2009 22:10 posted by Guest

    I think hes cheating: I am about to be married for a year on Saturday. I have a four month old son. I work from 2p-12a. When I got home the other night after trying to call my husband for 8 hours with no answer ( witch has become common behavior) I found my front door wide open, the house cleaned up and all of our pictures taken down and hid under the bed. He never cleans the house unless we are expecting company and NEVER leaves the door open or unlocked. I over reacted and threw all of the pictures against the wall and left. When he got home he called me and told me he lost track of time (he was supposed to be home at 9) and was at a friends house. He has started hanging out with all of these old friends and will never let me come with him. When I asked him if he was cheating on me he called me stupid and he had no excuse for why the pictures were hidden. I am really confused and dont know what to do. Any advice would be very appreciated. Thanks

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 07 May 2009 19:54 posted by Guest

    How to Deal With a Cheating Husband: Hi,

    After reading this I am cerain you will understand why I will not allow my husband out of my sight.
    My husband of 20+years is constantly complaining about my lack of sex drive.I just don't have the energy or desire right now. He has been a HUGE burden on me after losing his vision and now expects me to work. Here is my question.After being mailed some very intimate e-mails between my husband and this woman I think he has been seeing by her now ex, I was told by both of them the e-mails were forged. That was 2 years ago. He said he likes to walk late at night with his cane because there is less traffic and he cant sleep. 2 weeks ago I found a sex toy hidden in the bedroom i asked him if this woman got it for him - he cant go anywhere unless I take him and in our small town we do not have sex shops. He said he got it before he lost his vision because i don't have sex enough. He has often been going for walks when I am asleep - like 2 in the morning using his cane because he claims it is safer with less traffic. Well, last week I started calling him at 6am - 8am and he did not pick up. My mom drove to the coffee shop to look for him(not there) and at 8:15 when I drove into the bank to withdraw his disability this woman drives out and he is at the banking machine. He admitted he was with her but they were only sitting in her driveway drinking coffee.She used to be our neighbor and they have always enjoyed talking.
    After he was forced to admit he was with this woman "talking" - and I think it may have been going on for almost 3 years now - I simply will not talk to him. He claims I use sex as a tool and we have not been intimate since December so I feel like I am right in my actions. When I pass by her walking or driving she laughs at me, my husbad tells me I am being paranoid.
    Part of me wants to believe him because at 42 I really do not feel like going back to work. After all he has disability right now! I also don't feel like putting up with 4 kids on my own.I can't do everything in the house on my own. Should I believe what he said? Should I push it further (he flips when I mention her name). Any help is appreciated.
    Thank you

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 27 February 2009 19:50 posted by Guest

    My husband has been having an: My husband has been having an affair for 8 years now with someone he met online and lives several states away. She divorced her husband. They have 4 children teens. We have been married for 39 years and I be damn if I will give him a divorce. I have pour my money into our homes and I be will not sell anything and split with him. I have told him if he wants a divorce to have at it. I also told her that she was a fool if she thought he would leave me and move to where she lives to be with her. Dumbass said I know that. Makes you want to buy a plane ticker just to go and slap the crap out of her. It would make me feel good. At this moment he is with her and I don't CARE. We have no children living so that doesn't come into play. After awhile your heart gets harden. I don't need another man and don't want one. Why jump to from one fire to another. I am happy with me and I don't need someone to make me happy.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 18 February 2009 12:44 posted by Guest

    Funny, the day before this: Funny, the day before this article was posted, my husband told me he was having an affair with his best female friend at work. Since then he has left me for her, come back (but to the house, not to me) ended it with her twice. He is currently working at the desk next to her, and will be doing so for the next five weeks, and living under the same roof as me.

    Throughout it all, I have done exactly as stated above. I have been dignified, strong. I have recognised that the affair was a symptom of a marriage gone wrong, not just him being a total bastard. I have talked him down from the hysteria of his midlife crisis, sat down with him and made lists of where we were going wrong and where we could rebuild things if we decided to try again. I have not been a pushover, but I have not been a psycho either. I have cried, but I haven't used crying as a weapon. I have not played mind games.

    But she is still there on his phone. She is still there at his desk. And because he feels bad about the way things ended with her, he will keep going back to her to have civilised conversations. My one hope is that she is not as reasonable as me.

    I wonder when I will start getting the payback for being the reasonable one. I wonder when the feeling of rejection, of wasting my life will have worn off. I wonder when I will start getting angry and cutting crotches. I can only stand it so long.