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Investing in your Ex-husband can pay huge dividends. Yes, you heard me right. Of course, I'm excluding any ex who was abusive or unsafe in any way, including one you still love.

My husband left, but I wasn't in love with him when we divorced. I didn't hate him either. I just accepted that we weren't compatible and that divorce was a change for the better. We had two small children, so I wanted to have good relations with him to make the situation easier for the kids. 

Keeping the relationship peaceful will reduce stress that could otherwise cause mental and physical health problems. Keep in mind, stress can also hurt you financially, if you become incapacitated due to health ailments. Also, staying on good terms will reduce or eliminate costly trips back to court to hash out problems; hiring lawyers can be like taking a match to your savings. 

Here are some ways to stay on good terms with your ex:

1. Use kind words when speaking with him. Treat him as if he were your best friend or, better yet, a new friend you're trying to impress. When requests start out with, "Would you mind?" or "I could use some with help," try to add the caveat, "But I understand if you're too busy." 

Try to say something complimentary when you speak to him, and always remember to say "please" and "thank you." In fact, "thank you" were the most powerful words I had when we first divorced. He expected me to complain constantly, given that we had two very young children and I was the primary caretaker. 

But I didn't want to have an ounce of negativity associated with my children's lives, so I never allowed myself to complain. I just kept my eye on the big picture and trusted the future would be better.

Now things are better and my ex is doing more than I ever expected. I am sure if I had nagged and complained he wouldn't be doing nearly as much and would want to do even less.

2. Keep your commitments to him and the kids. I tend to run late and, since I was doing the bulk of the child rearing I had every right to do so once in a while. But I rarely was late to meet him; on those occasions when it was unavoidable, I called first and asked if it was okay.

Try not to ask for too many exceptions to the schedule because men can barely get the existing schedule right, never mind last minute changes. That might sound insulting to men, but it's just my experience.

3. Speak well of him. It's more powerful to say good things about your ex than to simply abstain from saying anything. Positive words beget more positive action and you will watch him become a better man before your very eyes. I literally spoke the goodness right into my ex-husband.

Remember, everything you say about your ex-husband is a reflection on you. You picked him. Then you married him and had children with him.

Selfishly, I even spoke well about my ex so my future boyfriends would know I have good taste and expect a good man in my life. Of course he had faults. In fact, he was loaded with them, but I chose to focus on his positive traits. I think there was a long period of time where the only positive things I could think of was that he didn't beat me and the kids loved him! Still, I just spoke about those with enthusiasm and focused on the brighter future I knew was coming.

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3 comments

  • Comment Link demetria stevens Wednesday, 16 August 2017 21:09 posted by demetria stevens

    Why would My ex say to me that, I am to nice
    I have always been nice, Not just to him Everyone
    That is just who, I am and have always been
    I don't try to be, Something that I am not
    I am very out spoken and have always been

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 12 January 2013 08:34 posted by Guest

    love of my x wife, hunting a song, to say I'm sorry, I was wrong: This may sound real silly to most folks,but over 20 years ago I was married to the woman that was the most precious person I had ever met. But the things that happen sometimes is hard to explain, I had reached the point in life most men try to reach in life, I had the greatest job in the world making fantastic money with a great future. But as men tend to do, I wanted more,more of everything, I was good looking enough and had a personaity that women loved and they were there for me,sort of lots of temptation, And with all I had to lose,I could not resist it all. So being a foolish fool I started cheating on my wife. And it caused her so much hurt that she asked if I wanted to be free. Like a fool I suggested we seperated for a period and see what would happen, so I rented her a house and bought a sports car, fixed her up with credit cards in her name etc.. And I went out and party my ass off. Not knowing she being a very smart(really smart w/a high I Q)she had set a date in her mind that shed would give me one year to get this out of my system and come to me and see what I was going to do. Stupid me was still having so much fun (I thought) I didn't want to stop. So she without saying anything (I realized this later)she went on with her life and started dating again.
    Then one day it hit me in a sober moment that I really loved this woman more than anything in the world, and it was like the sky lighted up and said you stupid man what are you doing? But she in the mean time had started dating another guy,and was pretty serious about him and I had hurt her so deeply she was afraid to fool with me again, which who could blame her.
    Now this is the big surprise. This happened around 1983, And I have thought of her everyday of my life sense that date. I had no idea where she was for nearly 18 years, Every time I was out I would look for her face in the malls,in the clubs etc.. But one day I was talking to a friend of mine who is a computer nut and he told me he could find her on the internet if I could give him like a social security number, i did and he came right back to me and gave me her address and phone #, And she had been living all these years, about 7 miles from me. By the way she had no idea where I lived, by the way I had remarried in the mean time.

    Anyway this is probably enough history on me and really what I'm wanting someone to tell me what song old are new could best express my love for her and to let her know how sorry I am for hurting her so much. Because I used to be somewhat of a singer,and we always looked for songs to express our feelings, And lots of times She would ask me to sing a certain song to her. So music was a way we communicated to each other. I just want to cut a CD with my thought's of love for her,and let her know how sorry I am for ruining her perfect life. Songs that come to mine are like WHITNEY Houston's version of the song from Dolly Parton, I can't even remember the name of the song, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU" CAN SOMEONE HELP ME without getting on my case too strong,believe me I've been punished enough, without more people getting on to me. Thanks "GENO"

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 02 July 2009 15:03 posted by Guest

    another point about speaking: another point about speaking well of the ex -- your children are half him. i always felt, and still do, that when my mother spoke disparagingly about my dad and called him names, that she was disparaging me too, because i am very like him. at times she'd even directly disparage the parts of me that ARE most like him, which i hated then and hate now.