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From The Experts

We've gathered knowledgeable, dedicated divorce experts from a variety of fields to lend their advice and perspectives. Our experts include lawyers, healthcare professionals, certified professionals, and everyday women with insight into the topics that will help you stay empowered.

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Truth be told, I hope most of you don't feel like scorned women. But rather dignified women whose marriages didn't work out. You're extraordinarily capable women who can rebuild your lives.

When I got divorced with very little in the bank and a small income, I set my sights on rebuilding and was very careful not to get too far ahead of myself. I didn't let myself think too much about the future, but focused on one day at a time and doing the best I could that day. I heard once that a string of good days constitutes a great life. Once in a while, my mind would drift into worry and I literally would have to slap myself out of it. The worry would only perpetuate more worry and then it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I never thought about the many hopeless and suffering single moms. Instead, I focused on the women I read about who went back to school while raising four children. Those women who took jobs and then slowly became very successful.

My advice to all of you who are trying to rebuild your lives is first, find something you enjoy doing. Ideally, it's something you can begin now and over time, build success and good earning potential. Sales is often a great place for women. If you love it, start small and just get into the business. Make sure you truly enjoy the work and the schedule and environment sync up with your needs. Don't focus on what you're earning today but rather what the potential is as you succeed and grow in your success.

In my situation, I had a slow and steady climb with a setback during the crash of the technology market in 2000 and 2001. I was often discouraged during that time but kept showing up and working. I had to rebuild much of my business after that crash.

Today, I'm a much better financial advisor because of that experience. Ironically, I had a goal of making a certain amount of money. I reached that goal but it happened so slowly that it was hardly a cause for celebration because my life had expanded as well. It happened so slowly and naturally that it felt almost effortless by the end.

Granted, it took me eight years and during those years I gave birth to two children and went through a divorce, but it did finally come together! Today, I'm setting a new goal to double the original benchmark and focus my practice on families with net worth over $100 million. Slow and steady is a good way to go, you can do it!


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  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 21 November 2009 02:02 posted by Guest

    Great Post: I really needed to hear this post. I went back to work in winter 2009 as my marriage was in the throes of breaking down. My husband, who lives on unemployment and refuses to work, insisted that he stay at home with the children. My job didn't work out and and I am now looking for a new position. I am confident that I will find a new position within a few months. There was another post about taking the first job which many times winds up not working out, after you have been at home with kids.
    Ever since I have been with my husband in 15 years, we have had chronic financial problems. Like I didn't have enough money to buy a new mop so I had to use rags and bleach to clean the floors, twice. Or we had to sell my husband's laptop even though we were still making monthly payments to pay the mortgage one month. So, as a divorced woman, I want to make a lot of money and have a solid successful career that will give me confidence and security. I am totally okay with working hard, starting small with opportunity for promotion and growth.
    Thank you for these words of wisdom. This website is great!