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 In most cases, child support does not cover even half of the costs of raising a child properly. It leaves a huge gap for the mother to fill financially, and often the child suffers while the mom is filled with resentment. School resources are so scarce that most American families today are hiring tutors and need to pay for their child's sports activities as these are cut from the school budget. The courts do not consider these costs and it leaves the mom to either live with the substandard education or scramble to get financial aid or make extra money.

Admittedly, this is one area I need help in. I am so focused on making my own money and fully disengaging from my ex financially that I never think about asking him to contribute to the kids' activities and extra curriculum. I just assume he is broke and that I am on my own.

But I am making a big mistake. In fact we have a meeting on Tuesday (just the two of us) to discuss the summer activities and the developmental activities for next school year. I am going to ask him to contribute to these activities and participate more financially in their development.

I believe it takes patience and humility to sit down with your ex and go over the details of the extra costs associated with properly raising children. Of course it will be the rare dad that jumps in and offers to pay for these with enthusiasm and joy, but it can lead to them taking a bigger interest in their development and a willingness to contribute more financially. You will not know until you try and it might take a few meetings. But even if it results in just one dad helping more, my article will have been worth it.

It might take several meetings before he is willing to go into his own pocket, but you will never know unless you ask. Start by getting him invested in the process and activity. Start by helping him understand the benefit of the activity and then ask for his contributing once he sees the worth of it and feels vested in it.
 

Click the following to return a directory of articles and resource videos on Kids, Family and Divorce.

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8 comments

  • Comment Link Rachel Monday, 16 December 2013 19:18 posted by Rachel

    I would like to speak for the other side. My husband and I love his two daughters from his ex. We have fought for custody and lost. We will try again, but for now we don't have the money. His ex has told us that the money he pays in child support is her only income. She lives with her mom, and is using her moms money. She has threatened that if we don't pay more than what he owes for child support that we wont get to see them at holidays since she wont be able to afford driving them to the agreed meeting location. The location used to be at her house, and we did all the 12 hours of driving, but she willingly quit her job, and moved 6 hours farther away to her moms. And now complains that we can't see them because his child support isn't enough. We don't complain to her, and as long as she is within her rights, we do what she asks, we pay child support, we pay for sports and pictures, we buy school supplies and clothes, we drive the 12 hours and sometimes farther to pick them up which costs upward of $200 each trip which is still cheaper than airfare, but in no way shape or form do we let her know how we are hurting financially, or how much of an inconvenience it is to us when she changes the plans 7 times for when and where we are to pick them up right up to the day before we are supposed to leave. We do not complain, because we love the girls and would do anything for them. I just want people to know that not all fathers are selfish moneyhoarding deadbeats. Sometimes they are just financially burdened as well as the mother.

  • Comment Link Beverly Saturday, 20 July 2013 19:20 posted by Beverly

    What are some of the things I can say to get more child support..my daughter's father owes more than 7,000 in back child support because he decided to leave the state and not take care of his daughter..he's back now and tryin to be there but I want more because I did 4 years by myself..i don't want to sound selfish but It wasn't fair I was left alone and the state hasn't pressured him to pay more like they do to some to some other guys I know..

  • Comment Link taya Wednesday, 29 May 2013 05:23 posted by taya

    II only get 50 dollars a week in child support he barely comes to get her and is married with three other kids. He feels that is more than enough. I can't afford real daycare when i got to work let alone when she does get to college i guess I'll be struggling to pay that as well. The system is messed up. We just have to stay strong ladies... and just know only REAL men take care of their responsibilities.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 21 October 2012 14:33 posted by Guest

    I commend you sir. All to: I commend you sir. All to often we don't hear that to the men who are truly dragged through the dirt by women who are just greedy. All to often we hear about the women who complain but the men are silent about the situations that the women take them through. What happened to you was unfare and the Justice system is not fare. I am a mother of a divorced family and I think it's unfortunate that these situations that "majority" of men go through are not heard.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 13 October 2012 14:31 posted by Guest

    stay strong: WOW i cannot believe the previous comments. I completely agree with you, that child support does not cover enough. All we want is the best for our children and I can at least speak from my own experience that my childs father sees that as me trying to get money... for myself?? The reality is that he is unable to care for a child, has made no attempt to, will not even pitch in extra for a winter coat. The support i get pays for basics. There is not enough for childcare, food, and transportation let alone anything else a two year old might need. I am in a constant state of stress because I am not able to provide for my child and I am exhausting my mother's resources. Meanwhile, he is driving a luxury vehicle, buying more than enough food, expensive clothes, and provisions for entertainment. I need a job but I have had little luck and now Im a semester away from graduating college but Im broke! Child support bases support off of the last job you held. But I cannot hold a full time job now because I am in college! The system is a little messed up.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 21 June 2012 21:11 posted by Guest

    To beat him in court: You are trash. You are ignorant. You have no grasp of the English language. Please jump off a bridge and save the rest of us the cost of your welfare.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 17 February 2010 11:06 posted by Guest

    Rare Dad-huh? Oh really? In: Rare Dad-huh? Oh really? In my case I supported the costs of the family home for 2 years during seperation While she diddled around with her boyfriend. I negotiated Catholic school costs and $300/month Dance Lessons for my oldest daughter. She paid her failed business debt down as mine climbed and I paid for 2 households, as well as remodeling the rental property I lived in. Now, after the settlement of $1350 month Child Support, $1200/ Month property settlement, she askes for more money? During mediation (failed) we established that the costs (not including house payment) for our 2 kids was below $1000 month. She wouldn't do 50-50 custody-so she could get more support and with the costs established she obviously doesn't contribute anything to the kids from her own income. BTW-My situation post divorce,between business debt and personal-$125,000 on a $70,000 gross income

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 12 December 2009 17:26 posted by Guest

    beat him in court: just get that deadbeat in court. dey will make him pay