In most cases, child support does not cover even half of the costs of raising a child properly. It leaves a huge gap for the mother to fill financially, and often the child suffers while the mom is filled with resentment. School resources are so scarce that most American families today are hiring tutors and need to pay for their child's sports activities as these are cut from the school budget. The courts do not consider these costs and it leaves the mom to either live with the substandard education or scramble to get financial aid or make extra money.
Admittedly, this is one area I need help in. I am so focused on making my own money and fully disengaging from my ex financially that I never think about asking him to contribute to the kids' activities and extra curriculum. I just assume he is broke and that I am on my own.
But I am making a big mistake. In fact we have a meeting on Tuesday (just the two of us) to discuss the summer activities and the developmental activities for next school year. I am going to ask him to contribute to these activities and participate more financially in their development.
I believe it takes patience and humility to sit down with your ex and go over the details of the extra costs associated with properly raising children. Of course it will be the rare dad that jumps in and offers to pay for these with enthusiasm and joy, but it can lead to them taking a bigger interest in their development and a willingness to contribute more financially. You will not know until you try and it might take a few meetings. But even if it results in just one dad helping more, my article will have been worth it.
It might take several meetings before he is willing to go into his own pocket, but you will never know unless you ask. Start by getting him invested in the process and activity. Start by helping him understand the benefit of the activity and then ask for his contributing once he sees the worth of it and feels vested in it.
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