Your marriage was not a mistake. It was a collection of gifts and lessons. You can stay stuck in bitterness. But imagine the possibilities when you look at the end of your marriage as an open door, rather than a void.
What you need is a divorce agreement — not for you and your ex — for yourself. It doesn't replace your original decree; it's a healing tool to end your relationship on an emotional level. The good news is you don't need lawyers. And you can make it binding just by making the decision to become a stronger woman, not in spite of, but because of your divorce.
Here's how it works:
1. Make a list of all the ways you grew or benefited from the marriage and relationship.
- I learned to play the flute, enjoy camping and appreciate football.
- I can now multi-task in ways I never imagined — scramble eggs, do laundry, and vacuum at the same time!
- Leave no skill unturned and try to think of as many positive things as possible that would not have happened if you had not been in the marriage.
2. Note all the new opportunities big and small that will come to you as a result of the divorce.
- Now that I am on my own, I have the opportunity to sleep in my favorite pajamas, watch "chick flicks" on the weekends, and slurp my spaghetti.
- I will have time to take pottery classes, work out at the gym, and go to happy-hour with friends.
- Finally, I can get a puppy or a cat and redecorate with flowery throw pillows and frilly collectibles.
3. Express gratitude for the relationship. It may seem difficult, if not impossible. But there is always a gift to be found underneath the pain you are feeling.
- I am thankful for the good memories that were shared.
- I am grateful for my beautiful children.
- I appreciate having had the opportunity to travel or pursue some of my passions.
4. End with a positive affirmation or statement about how you would like to move on from the relationship.
- I will work as a partner in the parenting of our children.
- I can let go of the anger, pain, and resentment and make room for the good coming my way.
- I look forward to many joyous occasions (birthdays, engagements, weddings, grandchildren) that will occur because of what we once had.
Sign it and embrace the new you!
Click the following for a directory of articles to help you keep a healthy mind and spirit throughout divorce.