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This question is asked by many people in step relationships, and the questioners sometimes have their own agenda. It can be quite human to, well, not be so unhappy if your kids hate the woman who was responsible for the demise of your marriage. But is hating the step-mom healthy for the kids? The answer is a resounding NO.

Hate is a very strong emotion, and not one that you want your kids to walk around with. They will be spending time with their step-mom, and surely you don’t want them to hate this time. So, here are some ideas on how to deal with this.

First, it is really unlikely that their stepmother is a hateful person. This tells me that it isn’t the person they hate but the situation of being children of divorce and having to now share their father with someone else. With this in mind, I counsel moms to talk to their kids about the situation (divorce and remarriage) being the thing that they dislike — not a person. Help them to see this and you’ve taken a big step.

The absolute best way to foster a better relationship between your kids and their stepmother is to model it. While you don’t have to be friends, there are a lot of things you can do. Ask nicely about her after they have spent some time with her. Encourage them to see the good in her — not the bad. Suggest activities they can do with her. Let them see you interact well with her. This can be over the phone, at a “drop off”, a school event. By acting nicely to her, you are giving them permission to do the same.

If your kids do complain about her, listen to them. Everyone needs to be heard. You might say “You may not like her, but she is in your life, and it would be helpful if you could try to find some common ground.” Or, “You may not like her, but you do have to treat her with respect — just like I will treat your future husband or wife with respect.” This is another good time to emphasize that it might be the situation — not the person — that they dislike.

Sometimes mothers are afraid that their kids will like their step-mother too much. Your kids will always know who you are — their mother — and you will be the most important female relative in their lives!

 

Click the following to return a directory of articles and resource videos on Kids, Family and Divorce.

 

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136 comments

  • Comment Link Holly Woodrum Monday, 26 December 2016 09:08 posted by Holly Woodrum

    Why would anyone encourage a child to overlook bad stepparenting. You give far too much credibility to abusive and jealous stepparents without consideration to a child. The authors of this article are misinformed experts. No child should be expected to endure this. And utterly absurd to encourage abusive stepparenting while blaming a child. You are a good example of bad experts.

  • Comment Link Mrs. H Monday, 28 November 2016 05:01 posted by Mrs. H

    I have a now 15 year old stepdaughter and a 11 year old stepdaughter and the two relationships are so different. My 11 year old loves me calls me send me pictures draws me pictures and brings them when she comes sits and cuddles watching movies it is wonderful my 15 year old step daughter hates me tells me all the time calls me a fat whore she has hit me numerous times she calls me a fat bi**h I'm disgusting a loser ugly anything negative you can think of she has called me. She has hated me since she knew her dad and I were together it has been 7 years her mom and dad have been split up since she was 2 she always hated her step dad she got her dad to go after him with lies. Everyone tells me how much she hated her sisters mom and any woman her dad had ever been with. I have 3 kids of my own the youngest is 9 and she is learning this behaviour is ok. 3 days ago my niece wanted to come over I knew it was a bad idea because my step daughter was trying so hard to get her dad and me in a fight and she succeeded she throws things cusses at me and I snapped at her I talk the same in front of my husband to her as I do when he is not there but she starts talking baby talk and like she is this sweet innocent girl that does nothing wrong and I am just crazy and picking in her. She will follow me around just to antagonize me so I have stayed in my room for about 3 and a half days now so there is no problems and I am still the bad one she says how much she hated her dad all the times she just wants her mom but around him she says she would never ever say that she would never want to live with her mom that he is her best friend when everything she says is a lie. She sneaks very reveling clothes in her backpack and changes at school cakes on tons of makeup she has stile a phone to sneak and text boys dirty things and pictures my son goes to the same school but when we have tokd my husband it gets turned on us nd we are lying but there are others that see it too. I don't know what to do I am severely depressed and unhappy in my marriage when she visit her aunt for a week the house was so calm and relaxing and peaceful I was able to breath I was not out down called names and tokd what a disgusting human being I am. I feel so emotional abused and physically abused by her I won't eat in front of her because I do not want to be judged I can't tell my husband it is me or her because that is his child and I would never do that even though she puts him in that situation all the time how do I get her dad to see he is completely enabling her and teaching her it is ok to be so disrespectful and cruel and mean. I love my husband i live her I don't like how she acts and treats people nd manipulated I just don't know what to do I don't want to leave my marriage but as she tell me she will be 18 in 3 years so I have 3 more years of hell with her unless I leave this is what I have to look forward to everyday I am just crushed and don't know what to do.

  • Comment Link Murran hill Monday, 02 May 2016 06:07 posted by Murran hill

    My stepdaughter will turn 12 in 2 months and she is a plague to our lives.
    Honestly I've tried harder with her than anything or any one in my life & I'm well & truly done with her.
    The pain & sheer agony that comes hand in hand with her is simply dumfounding.
    Her lies along with her mother's almost put my son into care before he was born, luckily we live in different catchment areas so services in my area know it's bullshit.
    She never & I do mean ever gets told off, and as much bad feeling as there is I feel heart sorry for her mother's new husband, he has to buy his place in their home. Literally the kid even voices it. Well I'm not sorry to say there's no chance of me paying any child so I can live in my own home.
    It's heartbreaking to see her older brother swept to the sidelines all in the name of onetruly spoiled brat of a girl.
    I can't solely blame her parents, I've tried but some children have nasty streaks that nothing can alter & I never thought I'd hear myself say that.
    After a year of hell, I've made a decision that is far from ideal but it's one that does.
    In no uncertain terms she is not allowed in my home or to have contact with my son. She's highly dangerous to him & myself & I seriously wish it was all in my head, her mother even admits it, her answer...buy her things or she asked my son's father who I'm still with to cut my son out of his life for her. One of the sadder things to me at least, her dad saw his other kids maybe once a month until I met him, and being an adopted child myself I pushed him to fix the relationship between him & his kids, which together we did. Annnd then I got pregnant. Slowly but surely the jealous seeped out of her then bammm it hit full force.
    I admit the damage caused is unforgivable and her stupid attempts at funny phone calls etc & pushing me out simply do not affect me anymore. She's only hurting herself now & that's not my problem honestly.
    My logic is this, she is literally nothing to me, I've made sure she has nothing to do with me or my son whilst having no problem whatsoever on her & her dad having contact...it's nothing to do with me after all.
    I do not care about her teats over it, her, her mother & indeed her father are solely responsible for those, & with a very clear consionce I know I went above and beyond my call as her 'stepmother'
    In reality it's just a word
    I'm not her mother & never pretended to be so.
    If all agree (they couldn't not considering events) that's she's a danger to my not yet 8 month old son then I don't understand their issue of no contact, furthermore I don't care what their issues with that are.
    They refuse to put her into therapy because "she won't like it"
    You can tell I'm sympathetic on that viewpoint...not.
    She's bad for my mental health which yes I struggle with for various reasons so it's been a long hard road to get me to my desicion but I had and have no choice for my family.
    She gets to see her dad without me (perfect) as long as he pays for his visits himself
    My income is vastly greater than his and more than ample for me my son & his dad, and while dad is on benifits then again not my concern
    He had her before he met me, so it's simple
    Now while she hates it this way & makes a point of trying to come between us, at this point it's water off a ducks back.
    In a nutshell my conclusion is this.


    Do what's right for you & your family. However never try to come between any parent & child, it's not your right.
    There's always options.

  • Comment Link Blaine Wainkrantz Thursday, 17 March 2016 07:36 posted by Blaine Wainkrantz

    May I simply just say what a relief to discover somebody that really knows what

  • Comment Link Not a cheater Sunday, 28 February 2016 09:49 posted by Not a cheater

    I wasn't responsible for the demise of my husband's first marriage, his ex was "the woman who was responsible for the demise of your marriage" and it's my guess my DH shouldered equal responsibility for the demise of the first marriage.

    I had been divorced for 12 years before I even met my DH and he also divorced from his ex for several years. We were in fact, 2 people who were long divorced from our ex's when we met.

    Shame for the kids sake that my DH's ex never did move on with another relationship and made things difficult for us for the first 6 years of our marriage. Shame she taught his kids not to respect him as they are all now paying the price. Their father only has a very distant relationship with one of his (now grown) children.

    Me? I disengaged from the skids 3 years ago for my own sanity, I have my own adult kids etc., I have no need to go near people who have been taught to hate me by their own screwed up mother.

  • Comment Link Ce Wednesday, 17 February 2016 19:50 posted by Ce

    My situation here is a little bit different... I came into my future stepchildren's lives long after their parents split up and had nothing to do with it. My fiance has five kids, from two different moms. The mother of his twin girls and I get along pretty well. We text constantly about the girls and are polite to each other. The boys' mom, however, hates me just as much as she hates her ex and she makes no secret about it. As a result, two of my fiance's sons barely have anything to do with us anymore. The youngest son at least has the sense to say that his mom is not helping the situation, he loves me, he loves his dad, and he's not letting anything get in the middle of that.

    The boys' mom won't talk to me. She even has me blocked on Facebook. And then she blames my fiance for the way things are, when all along it's been HER who is the problem, the entire time that my fiance and I have been together.

    It's all very frustrating. What does someone do when it's the MOM causing the problems? Even worse, I admire her and the job she and her husband (she remarried) have done in raising the boys (who are all teenagers), and I love the boys fiercely, as though they are mine. We would do anything for them, anything within our power to do, but it doesn't matter.

  • Comment Link Jaxon L Stender Friday, 01 January 2016 07:21 posted by Jaxon L Stender

    Dear, dad

    I'm a 14 year old boy and I am forced to go live with my dad every other weekend. It's total chaos at his house. My parents are divorced and my mom moved from the house we lived in and my dad moved too. My dad got re-married and my mom stayed single. But my step-mom can be stable at some times but there can be bad times where she gets kinda crazy and starts crying. The only reason my dad and stepmom gets into verbal fights is because he has way to much and horrible things come out of his mouth. Well today we where watching football and alabama was winning 17-0 in the third quarter, my dad bet $20 that they would lose, and I bet $20 that Bama would win. So I of course was bragging and I said I don't need to watch this I already know who is going to win. Then I went jogging with my stepbrother and when I came back my stepmom was going upstairs and my step sister was pouring out all the alcohol she could down the sink. My stepbrother and I where so confused. So I asked what happened and my dad made sexual jokes about my 16 year old step sister and also making them of my stepmom in front of my brother and sister, my dad told me his side of the story and my stepmom came running down the stairs and calling him a liar long story short my dads drunk off his butt and my stepmom is crying with anger and my dad calls his mom(my grandmother) and says,"can you come pick up all the kids and watch them for a night." My grandmother picks up my sister, my brother, my stepbrother, and I. We get to my grandmas and my stepbrother calls his dad and leaves. Oh and it's New Year's Eve and we spend it with my grandma and it was nice and now it's 1:00 in the morning and I'm typing this and I don't know what to do. Back to what my dad said, he was talking about my stepsisters butt and my step moms as well and my stepsister threw a towel at him and he's so drunk he thought she cut him but she didn't and he put a band aid on it and I'm surprised that dangling band aid is still on his face. He also said my step sibling were smoking pot in the back yard and we have cameras, so he was making that up and said my stepmom was saying we are bad kid every last one of you. Then she came down stairs crying and and denied every word of it and started screaming. And if you haven't heard your parents, well in this case stepmom and dad screaming in each others faces. I would imagine it's worse than getting a terrible math grade and your mom whipping your tail cause of it and the having your mom take ALL electronics away. Know I know why my mom left my dads sorry.... Well you know. So all I want is my dad to stop drinking and to live with my mom cause two days at my dads every other weakens is like two years to me.

    Bye-
    Jaxon L Stender

  • Comment Link Anne Jones Tuesday, 30 June 2015 19:16 posted by Anne Jones

    Billy,

    I find myself in a similar situation. Everything I buy for my kids are for them to enjoy no matter where they are. My ex and his mom do not let anything that belongs to their house come to my household. Even clothes. When I put them in nice clothes to go to school and they go to dad's house, they come back with ugly old clothes that my ex and his mom don't want to see again. I have seen my daughters with holes in their clothes because my ex-mother-in-law refuses to put them in nice clothes to bring to me. My oldest is starting to get into an age that she wants and likes to chose what to wear and what to bring and take to one house or the other.
    My ex made sure to say in front of her that he will control that and it won't happen because he will be watching her.
    I gave them 2 bags of clothes to take on a cruise trip and I never saw the clothes again. A month later I had no swimming suits for my girls because they went to school on it and it didn't come back. They were going to have a swimming day and I told my ex I was dropping them off at his house so his mom can give them swimming suits.
    It is tiring... I believe that it will come the day that the kids will want to use this or that - especially as teenagers and they deserve that freedom to chose.

  • Comment Link Billy Saturday, 20 June 2015 21:27 posted by Billy

    I am a father to two sons aged 11 and 13. Myself and there mother split 9 years ago now. After meeting my partner I feel they don't like her who I've been with 7 years now and am pretty sure she feels the same about my boys.

    I never came from a broken home and can say I enjoyed my child hood. I would resent to go through what my boys are going through now. The problem is what ever I buy them as NOT to leave my house by order of my partner. If I was a child and could only play/use something bought me only at weekends and not to have through the week it would of frustrated me. Myself, I want to buy them bikes this Christmas what they could use on a daily basis and not just a weekend thing. As long as there using the bikes and having fun on them that's all that matters to me but my partner keeps insisting they don't leave our house saying there not going back to your ex's. Ultimately it's my boys who suffer with this setup. I'm trying to give my boys the same childhood I had and not having part time toys.

    It's so confusing and trying to resolve without arguing with my partner who I must add has her two children living with us and able to use there toys 7 day a week without a problem. Has anyone been in the situation I am in?

  • Comment Link Mikia Davis Sunday, 01 March 2015 02:01 posted by Mikia Davis

    I was reading this article looking for answers, or I guess searching for hope... I few months back I received a phone call from my step daughter saying her aunt in Chicago put her out in Chicago.. So me being very concerned since she was now homeless, I dropped everything I was doing and flew her here to Colorado. My husband and I were going through our own problems at the time and all of this together made my life a living hell. My husband ended up having to leave our home for a month, but I decided not to make her leaving, after all she had done nothing wrong. Nearly a month later I adressed her with a issue. She had been leaving the house late, staying out all night and coming in late. I sat down to talk to her and tell her it was not acceptable in my home. She didn't accept it from the first time I opened my mouth. She told me she was grown (19), and she didn't have to ask permission to do anything. From there I attempted to explain to her when your in other people's homes you follow their rules. She basically told me that's not gonna work for her because she is grown. So I said okay, well since you are "grown" and you feel as if I cannot say anything to you then I expect you to start paying rent, or she can see the door. From there she became upset and I became everything but a child of God. So we came to the conclusion that it wasn't going to work with her living there and her Aunt told me she was coming to get her and for her to pack her clothes. Instead of her doing that she decided to fix herself a drink and walk up and down my hallway calling me out of my name
    . I went and removed the drink from her hand and our altercation because physical. She then called the police and told them I assaulted her. When the police came they quickly seen what was happening and had her leave my home. Now here we are a couple months later. My husband and I are trying to reconcile our relationship and he begs me to let her come back because she has been put out of her third place here. I reluctantly agreed, and last night I seen her coming out of my bedroom. I waited till this morning and talked to my husband. He informed me he sent her in there to get something. I then asked him not to have her in our bedroom. He asked me why and I told him, I told him that I don't trust her that she has to earn that back. My husband became irate and told me to tell her which I did. Then he went on telling me that I was wrong and being mean. That she hasn't stolen anything so why don't I feel I can trust her. He even went as far as telling her not to be a woman like me. I just feel like I'm at my wits end with the entire situation. O just don't know what to do anymore.

  • Comment Link Samlizcaro Sunday, 25 January 2015 22:43 posted by Samlizcaro

    Thankfully as my children are adults, they have a choice whether to spend time with the woman who stole their futures and family home for her own children. They see their father because despite what he did they already loved him so have chosen to forgive him to a certain extent, she is a no one, a stranger they wouldn't know if she walked past them in the street, there is no love to cushion the blow or nurture forgiveness. She is merely a stranger to them. They don't abuse her or talk badly of her, they just ignore her existence, as she does theirs. She is just a part of their father's life they have no part in.
    It works for everyone, she doesn't want to deal with teenage and early twenties males, she has no experience of them and to be honest has never shown any interest in getting to know them. There is no conflict, no arguments, just sensible, unspoken boundaries that everyone respects.
    Suits me, suits them and suits her, and as for him, the cause of all the horrible mess, well he just has to get on with it.
    It is not a rule that says you have to blend families, if the children are older and it can be handled sensibly then separation is the best option.
    She had an affair with their father for two years prior to him leaving the family for her, they have raged and argued with him, vented their spleen hence why they can now move on with him.
    Is the other woman prepared to go through that process with complete strangers? I don't think so, hence why this sensible arrangement is the best solution for all. My children cannot have a relationship with her unless she faces them and answers their questions, no she was not the main culprit but she has culpability so unless she is prepared to face that, what we have is the best option for all.
    Just live and let live.

  • Comment Link sally goiden Tuesday, 20 January 2015 17:23 posted by sally goiden

    I have been faithfully with my husband for 25 years, His children have very little to do with me, no mothers day, They tolorate me in ocassion. My husband was used by his Ex wives and dumped,cleaned out, leaving him broken. he needed council. It's rare that they ever contact us. He/we were behind in c support, high interest yet paying what we could. She poisoned her child, actually both Ex's did. I'm at a loss, he lives them dearly. Still has interest owed, his Ex cleaned him iout and ran off with his best friend and lives a lavish lifestyle. Wondering if she signed off because she has skeleton and many.
    No one attempts to go after him for back money, but the kids believe that he never paid a dime. It's a wreck.
    She did not report a large amount of money to cs court years ago, we just found this out.

  • Comment Link Eathan Friday, 12 December 2014 01:56 posted by Eathan

    Hello, i have a situation like this, but my reason is HER kids... she seems to treat them like angels, then treat us like crap. sheèll act positive around my dad, but when hes gone, she turns into a jerk! she will push us away, for school, one day, she packed her kids lunch, and told us we didnt need one! like wtf! its just annoying! and my dad treats HER like an angel, and agrees with EVERYTHING she does.

  • Comment Link Suzyq Sunday, 23 November 2014 13:35 posted by Suzyq

    Why do children need to endure further turmoil in the aftermath of divorce? Why are we normalizing an unnatural state of existence? The responsibility of any parent first and foremost is to get their children safely to adulthood. This means your child's needs supersede your own.

    If you are skilled enough to blend families, great! I'm of the opinion though that the potential cost of further damaging the children is too high.

  • Comment Link Jackie martinez Saturday, 01 November 2014 15:58 posted by Jackie martinez

    Hello , is hard my stepmom protects her real son to much . We don't do nothing wrong at all and we take the blame for what her son does. My brother has a lot of personal stuff gifts his real mom left him an we have to give it to her son if we don't give it to him he cries and we get screamed at with many my bullshit . Is not fair what can I do I'm tired of us getting judged for something we didn't do . Help me out ! Please !

  • Comment Link Julia Gruetter Wednesday, 15 October 2014 22:25 posted by Julia Gruetter

    My stepmom is hated by all of my siblings and I find it very hard to get on her good side, probably because she has none. She yells at us everyday, even when we don't do anything wrong. We're all afraid to tell her how we really feel about her. Would somebody please tell me what I should do?

  • Comment Link maggiehaley Friday, 05 September 2014 23:04 posted by maggiehaley

    The other woman is not responsible for the demise of the marriage. The husband is. Please don't perpetuate this backwards notion.

  • Comment Link Mark Disberry Friday, 04 July 2014 12:50 posted by Mark Disberry

    Dear FWW,
    I am married with 3 children, 2 boys aged 8 & 6 and my daughter aged 9 1/2.
    My daughter is from a previous relationship and came to live with my wife and I and her brothers when she was almost 4 years old, she visits her birth mother 2 week ends a month with out any problems.
    Over the last 2 years my daughter has become very antagonistic, rude, disobedient to her step mum and sometimes very spiteful and physical with her brothers.
    My wife tells me she can no longer cope with this behaviour and does not want her with us as she is affecting the boys as well as destroying the family unit.
    My daughter is treated the same as the boys and is an equal member of the family but behaves like she does not want to be here, I have asked her if she is happy with every thing and she says yes, however her actions contradict her words.
    I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest as I don't know the best way to fix this problem.
    Kind regards

  • Comment Link Rosa Wednesday, 16 April 2014 14:49 posted by Rosa

    I did not steal my husband from anyone. He was never married to my step son's mother even though he asked her many times. He wanted to have a normal family for his son. She refused, saying all she wanted was a baby and a man to support it. She said she wanted my husband to just walk away.

    We have been married for almost 3 years. Within weeks of us announcing our engagment and wedding she was engaged to a man she knew for 3 weeks. At that time she asked my husband if he would consent for her new husband to adopt the boy. He refused. He has been in his son's life from day one and has fought may a battles in court with her to get visitation.

    Soon after he refused the adoption she announced that she was leaving the state. My husband informed her that she would need to go through the court system first. She was not happy that he would not just give in to her request. She went through the court system and was denied.

    From that point on, 9 months ago, things have been pure H*** at our house. She has done everything she possibly can to cause the child to hate us. He ask "why can't I move"? Tells my husband that when he turns 18 he will change his name to his REAL dad's name, tells us that he doens't has to listen to us, says that he goes home and tells his mom everything we say and do. We have even caught him listening at the door to hear what we are talking about.

    We now find out that he has gone to school and told the teachers about how he hates coming to our house, "all we do is yell at him". When my husband asked if he tells about the fun stuff we do, he said, "No, I am not supposed to tell that stuff". He was asked when we yell at him and he said when he doesn't clean his room, do his homework or brush his teeth. She has him so brain washed into thinking that making him do something that he doesn't want to do is yelling.

    Now, we find out that we are being investigated for these charges by DCF. So frustrated.

    I am sure that this is just the next step in her attempts to leave the state with him. She was turned down once and now needs to get dirty.

  • Comment Link Will Saturday, 22 March 2014 22:45 posted by Will

    I am going to have a step mother soon. She is a hag. God knows how many kids and grand kids once removed she has!

  • Comment Link Stef21 Thursday, 20 March 2014 16:59 posted by Stef21

    Let's get a few things straight...the step mom may not have stolen the dad but she can most definitely be a homewrecker. And let’s be clear – it’s the dad’s new wife not a step-mom.

    My ex chose booze and women (including the new wife) over his 3 daughters. This woman's track record indicates she is looking for a man with cash flow to support her and her two children – THE definition of gold digger. Public records of domestic abuse charges , IRS liens, foreclosure and bankruptcy tend to give it away what she is looking for. The girls (17/15/9) have said enough and refused to stay or see their father in over 2 years. Meanwhile father has exercised his timeshare and is fighting to not pay child support – but has had plenty of time and money to spend on his new family. His actions indicate he has chosen her and her kids over them as he and the new wife are busy hiding assets to avoid paying child support (he's business for self). Sadly, the girls are done with him and want nothing to do with either party. 2 therapists have told him to work on his relationship with the girls and keep the new wife and her kids away but he keeps shoving this woman and her kids down the girls throats. In fact, they moved into a large luxury home around the corner from the girls and me and live lavishly in their faces as their dad is constantly late with his child support. It's all for show - he is playing a victim card. Am I angry – yes. I am angry he has hurt these bright, beautiful girls in ways he will never understand. Marry whoever you want but you cannot expect bliss with a backstory like this one. He made his choices and now he will have to live with them. The new wife is a guilty party in driving the wedge. She will be respected if and when the relationship with their father has mended and she has earned the right to be in their lives.

  • Comment Link Angelina Tuesday, 18 March 2014 16:24 posted by Angelina

    What a terrible way to start this article off, "...if your kids hate the woman who was responsible for the demise of your marriage". PLEASE!! I, for one, as a Stepmom did NOT step in & steal the Dad. He was already free and we fell in love and we feel blessed we found each other. My situation is: the BioMom, when married to my husband, was fooling around with another man, got pregnant by this other man and left her husband and her 2 daughters. I came in after the Divorce. Believe me, none of being part of this Stepfamily has been any kind of picnic. But we moved 2000 miles away....YAY!!! Sadly, The BioMom has been playing head-games with her kids and have them all believing (AFTER 30 YEARS) that I broke up the family. The BioMom is stupid, she looks stupid, she's also vindictive, telling the kids their dad beat her and telling her kids that I was an "N" word & played the kids like fiddles. She doesn't have anything else going on in her life except to PRETEND she is nice to everyone else, but she has been cruel to her Ex-Husband (my husband now) and me. Now none of the kids speak to us or want anything to do with us, like that hurts us, (of course my husband is sad about it), but what can we do, we got used to being treated crappy by her & her kids for the past 30 years, Thank You God!!!!! We're older now & tired of all their negativity & lies on top of lies!! Thank You God, they are 2000 miles!!

  • Comment Link pnortee_gurl Thursday, 05 December 2013 00:50 posted by pnortee_gurl

    My children have a step mother and they love her, Im okay with that, I told them I will love anyone who loves them.. so there's no problems with my children and their stepmum.. she's not even a step mum I tell them to call her their other mum, that's how mature I am, well it's true, she does things, gives them things and loves my babies, just as much as I do, so she is worth it.
    In my situation however, I have a step daughter, but she doesn't like me, well I am not sure because I have had no contact with her in 2 years, it was about this time last year when she left our loving home to go live with her bio-mum and I haven't heard from her ever since.. what makes it bad is that my husband has been going to visit her in secret for the past two years?? like wth, in secret?? I feel betrayed just because I haven't been told about these things.. I know I sound selfish but my husband gets mad at me just because my ex texts my phone for his sons, I have repeatedly over and over and over told the ex never ever ever to text my phone because my husband said so, but then he's missing every week going to visit his daughter at his exes house??? like, Im not sure if anyone would see my point, but my husband going to his exes house???anyone wouldn't be so calm as I have been, however.. maybe my husband does just visit his daughter nothing else..but how would I know?? if he didn't have the balls to tell me about his visits at all, where is the trust???? I know my life is pretty complicated and messed up at the moment and I hope we find closure somehow but for I really don't know what to do... I've been reading so many things about step parent and step children and I guess that's why Im here commenting because I'm just trying to find closure for myself..

  • Comment Link Violette Frost Friday, 25 October 2013 14:25 posted by Violette Frost

    I did not cause my husbands first marriage to break up....his first wife did by sleeping with another man while he was at work and then getting pregnant by that other and trying to pass off the baby as his. He left her two years before he and I got together so don't blame the second wife for the break up of a marriage till you know the whole story. After he married me, I tried to be a good stepmother and for a while it worked, but then the first wife started getting jealous of my relationship with her children, and started saying awful things to them behind my back because she wanted to make sure that her kids would be loyal to her. We had already moved away before we married because we knew that she was going to make trouble later and now I am so glad we did. The kids are grown now and refuse to see their father because of their mothers influence. Child support is over and I for one could not be happier.

  • Comment Link James Monday, 23 September 2013 12:41 posted by James

    My step-mother is Rota Klich. She is the other women or a mistress. My goal is to knock her off and knock off my father. When both are dead I will go after my half sister with everything in my arsenal. With my half sister dead I will take control of any money that is left. If anybody wants to help me please contact me. Maybe we can strike a deal.

  • Comment Link Annette Wednesday, 11 September 2013 20:07 posted by Annette

    Terrible way to start a 'be kind to step-mother' essay by blaming her for the 'demise of the marriage', what the heck? Sounds like an explanation that my Steps' mom uses about me. smh My step-kids forget that their mom spread her legs for some drunk and had a kid with him, & got scared about her 'whoring' so she left their dad. I came in the picture a year after they divorced but she loves to blame me, the step-mom for all of her failures. I was the nicest step-mom on the planet, turned out being nice was very stupid, but I wasn't made to hate like the bio mom does. I never knew a person could be so ugly as my step-kids' mom. She was such an ugly BioMom that now, 30 years later, I could care less about my stepkids.

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  • Comment Link Mom and Stepmom Thursday, 18 July 2013 14:13 posted by Mom and Stepmom

    Wow. I can't believe this article assumes that the orignal parents are divorced because the step mom was a "man stealer."
    I met my husband 3 months after he left his wife. They had a rocky relationship from the start, but he is a good person, and she purposely got pregnant by sneakily not taking her birth control everytime he wanted to leave her for good.
    Do you think she sees herself as the cause of the divorce? No! Even though they were apart for 3months before I met him, she STILL tells her children that he cheated on her with me, and that I split their family apart.
    The very first comment on here from the 22nd of oct, 2009 describes her to a "T."
    To those on here who really were cheated on, I feel sorry for you. However, if your husband had really loved you, he would not have cheated. Also, if it hadn't been the current lady, it would have been someone else - so stop blaming her in front of the kids (blame her in private). Finally, you are hurting yourself and your children by harboring bitter feelings, and being happy when they do too. Just accept the fact that you chose a loser of a man - chalk it up to a lesson learned, be the best, most positive mother you can, and move on - because obviously he has.

    To those moms out there, who simply "suspect" they were cheated on, or even know they weren't but would rather blame anyone but themselves for their husband leaving: grow up.

    I am also a mom. My child's father DID cheat on me with the woman who is now his wife... and you know what? Even though I was bitter at first, I went to counseling and quickly got over it, because he allowed me to see what kind of person he really is, and I don't want to be with that type of "man." "Better her than me" is my motto when it comes to him now! Since I know how hard it is to be a stepmom, I encourage my child to find the goodness in her stepmom and treat her with respect, to include doing whatever chores she is asked to do without backtalk.

    MOMS: It is hard enough for kids to go from one house to the other without you throwing your opinions of people in their innocent little brains. Grow up and play nice. You chose poorly for mate the first time around, so just deal with it in good sportsmanship.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 29 January 2013 22:11 posted by Guest

    my verbally abusive step mother: My experience with my step mother has been terrible. I am not a hateful person in any way and im always really nice and respectful to adults but i have absolutely no respect for her. I did at the beginning, but it slowly disappeared. My dad has been married to her for 13 years, and im only 17 right now and have to other siblings who are fully blood related and one half sister who is my step mothers. To begin with, my step mom always bad mouthed my mother, which i had pushed aside when i was younger and tried to ignore, but then she would bad mouth us, be extremely rude for no absolute reason, blame ANYTHING that goes wrong on my younger brother, who was her "victim" up until the point where he tried to commit suicide and was sent away for his own safety. When he left, she turned to my oldest sister, who is very headstrong, independent and doesnt take anyones BS, and is very controlling with her life(med school, worked 2 jobs throughout high school, bought her own first car) who immediately did not allow my step mother to effect her and would put her in her place. (ex: she would handle small conflicts like an adult and was very respectful to my step mother but the second an arguement got ridiculous or my step mom was just trying to be rude for no reason, she would immediately shut my step mom up) after my sister left for college it was just me left. My step mom started picking at my dad, after they announced they were divorcing, (which is sadly a long process and my dad travels a lot so they were waiting till i leave for college to make it final) but whenever my dad was out of town she would turn on me. Im very nice to my step mom and we were always kind of closer than my other siblings were to her, but its gotten so badly to the point where she just nit picks, and trash talks me when im out of the room, which takes a toll on a teenagers self esteem. She resorts to acting like she herself is in High school and tries to play the whole "mean popular girl" role, which fails because i dont put up with that and i can play it better. I have already lost all respect for her due to the things that had happened with my younger brother and her complete ignorance. i have 5 more months left before i graduate and move out and its getting harder to deal with and i dont know how to handle this situation anymore.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 14 January 2013 10:59 posted by Guest

    My House, My Rules: Although I am not married to their father, I consider his three kids my step kids. I have one major problem. The kids have an attitude like their bio-mom... "they don't have to put up with" anything they don't like or agree with. All have said it, as did/does their mother. If asked to help with simple chores, they told us they don't have to do them here as "it interferes with the time they spend with their father and they don't get to spend much time with him," or "No, I don't have to", or "No, I don't have to put up with this", or "No, because I do it at home all the time and I don't have to do it here", or they will just turn their head away from you, stare off into space, completely ignoring you.
    The youngest two (14 and 10) are not asked to do anything anymore as the oldest (almost 17) no longer comes here as she doesn't like to be asked or told to do anything, plus computer use is now limited and has parental controls. (She used to be on it all her waking hours during the day and would sneak on it and be on chat lines all night until 2 or 3 in the morning). She refused to share or to turn it off when asked. She is now playing "The victim", claiming her father always "yelled at her", he never did anything with them or took them anywhere, only letting them watch TV. None of this is true as we have records indicating otherwise. Plus we have copies of her chat logs which I stumbled across one day while clearing the computers hard drive, indicating her deception. This is why we now have parental controls on the computer. (Only her father and I know the content of these chat logs).
    I have stated "My House, My Rules " to their father, but he ignores it, claiming they are only kids. But my son and I are the ones that have to do everything. His girls only have to carry their dishes to the counter and place them by the dish washer, pull the blankets up on their beds (not properly make them) and put their clothes away after they have been washed, dried and folded for them. My kids were always assigned chores based on their age. His kids don't have to do anything!
    It seems as if his ex and his kids are the ones in control in my home. Can I ever get it back?

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 14 January 2013 09:57 posted by Guest

    Perhaps the step mom is: Perhaps the step mom is asking questions regarding what they ate at your house so that the kids don't have the same food two or more nights in a row. Maybe she needs to know what time they go to bed at your house so that they can have the same routine at hers. And perhaps she just wants some information on what they like to do or have done at your place so that they can plan something different as not to get bored by doing the same thing.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 01 December 2012 10:26 posted by Guest

    Thank you. Same situation: Thank you. Same situation here. I guess we are evil because we make them do chores, but they dont think that biological mothers (at least the good ones) would do the same thing. My stepson told me that he hates me... cause I make him clean up his room all the time... then keep it clean!!! It's that simple!!

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 02 November 2012 10:57 posted by Guest

    father and stepmother: Hi i hope things have improved for you since u posted? i am in the same situation as ur wife my husbands daughters are the same never come here to visit allways wanted him to go visit them while i was left waiting in the car,i have never had so much as my name on a xmas card from them eldest like yours is very manipulated aged 23 now and became a mother herself in feb this yr and the whole crap has started all over again,if he wants to c the grandchild he has to go up to visit and wen my husband says hes not able anymore for trains and buses she like yours says well its up to u if u want to c your only grandchild,the grandchild was baptised in aug ,i didnt go as ive never been asked to anything wen it came to them,my husband went for a while and that night i started getting abusive texts off eldest daughter saying id ruined her sons christening and hopes i was happy,i let it go as i knew there would have been a lot of alcohol consumes that day,but 2 days later texts started again except calling me vicious names i wasent going to let it go this time so i phoned her and told her exactly what i thought of her and how she had treated me for yrs wen i had done nothing wrong to her (her dad and mam were seperated 7 yrs wen i met her dad) anyway i had it out with her and i brough up the supject of the grandchild and how come she never brings him to c me,more abuse so i said to her look if u want to come here and sort this out once and for all i would sit down and talk to her but i wasent going to be blamed on things i didnt do and she needs to blame closer to home told her to ring me bk if she wanted to meet,but the call never came, my husband made it up with daughters a coulpe of days after that and things have got worse for me eldest is constantly on phone 5 times a day seeing if hes coming up to c her and grandchild i cant take much more to be honest,but i guess wat im saying to u is your not the only one,ive told my husband i dont want there names mentioned in my home ive had enough of them and him sorry for long story i just needed to talk to someone in the same situation as you and ur wife

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 01 November 2012 18:27 posted by Guest

    Wait a second....: I really appreciated reading the comments. As a soon to be stepmom for 2 boys, it horrifies me to read about the horrible experiences some step kids have. :(

    However, I needed to point out something in the article. NOT EVERY STEPMOTHER IS THE CAUSE FOR THE PARENTS DIVORCE. I seriously resent the idea/stereotype that second wives are sitting there plotting on how to steal married men away from their families.

    Being a single female living in a major city and enjoying the single life, dating a recently divorced man with kids (note that he was divorced long before I showed up) wasn't necessarily appealing to me. Thank goodness I did go on that first date because I opened my life (and heart) to a wonderful man and two sweet, loving boys. But to suggest I had anything to do with the demise of his marriage makes me ill.

    Check yourself, Brenda.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 08 October 2012 16:11 posted by Guest

    Live in GF of 8 years asualted 19 year old daughter: I am in a terrible situation my long time live in GF attacked my Daughter who is 19. The police arrested her and now I have conflicting thoughts. The GF was drunk she had not touched a drink for over 5 years due to self control issues previously. Now what to do I am deeply in love with her she is my soulmate but my 2 older girls dont want her back in the house. I love her Son like my own son we were a nice family up til this occurred. I am 48 years old and still have daughters living with me ages of 10, 16, 19 and a son who is in college.
    The other isue is my children's mom passed away in July of 2011 so the GF has been the mom to them all and up until this episode they all loved her deeply. I just could use some opinions my head is spinning and I am not thinking clearly.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 01 September 2012 14:56 posted by Guest

    women who are married dont need to work ??: Wow, I can not believe this statement was written in 2012. Of all the differing opinions written on the board I find this the most offensive. Really...people need to be self sufficient for their own betterment, their family's betterment and to be a contributing member of society. These type of statements hold working women back and degrade stay at home moms. We worked hard to get were we are please dont take us backwards.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 16 August 2012 10:08 posted by Guest

    STEPMOTHER NIGHTMARE: I am an only son. My parents divorced when I was two. My father remarried when I was 16. Unfortunately, he handled the remarriage very badly. Long story short, I found out about the remarriage one year after it happened. Needless to say, I felt that the behavior of my father and stepmother showed absolutely no concern for my feelings or welfare. It was a total slap in the face. On top of it all, my new stepmother was 15 years younger than my father and a lazy, rude, verbally abusive alcoholic. The entire situation was a living nightmare for me. He remained married to her for 35 years and died at age 90. She is still alive at age 81 and inherited everything, an estate valued at about one million. It is not the money I am so much concerned with, since I inherited five million from my mother. It is the fact that in order to see my father for 35 years, I had to put up with his rude, verbally abusive, lazy alcoholic wife. Thank God after my father died I no longer have to have anything to do with his wife. I viewed her like a cancer in my life.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 16 August 2012 04:04 posted by Guest

    Hate my stepmom: I know how you feel I'm kinda in the same situation ok. So first was my parents were together for like when i was 8 and then they got a divorced:(. After that things started to get worst my mom and dad kept fighting for who would have custody of us which is me and my 2 brothers and sister. So we decided to stay with my dad since that's like our house there. After that my mom felt sad but we all talked to her and worked things out. So after like 5 years my dad decided he wanted a girlfriend so he meet this woman named Iris at first she was cool and chill because we would talk over the cam. After she started to show her true colors and my dad went to go visit her at my country and especially he goes to church and she doesn't like church and my dad wanted to get married to her and the church told him "NO" what did he do he married her and didn't even let his kids know until he got back after he brought her to our house and now she's way different like she complains for everything. Acts like a little girl isn't wife material and my dad is sick and she gets him more and me and my brother have been telling him to leave her she's not worth it and he doesn't listen to us he listens to her more and protects her too he gives her everything for free like a car. And to me he charges me for one and treats her more fair then to his kids an she even has the nerves to scream at me and my brother thinking shes our real mom when she's not and then she complains out house how she doesn't like certain things like for example the garbages we always put them by our garden and one time she moved them and i moved them back sand she had the nerves to scream at me and I didnt take crap from her I started screaming at her back. And she told my dad a lie saying I'm the that started when really when she the one and plus my brothers were witnesses so yeah and now she's making my life impossible and my dads too. I just want her out of the house and my dad to divorce her and get back with my mom like it shouldve been so there won't be anymore drama. Please Help what should I do any advice are welcome.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 25 July 2012 11:50 posted by Guest

    What if Stepmother is a HATEFUL PERSON?: About the part that the Stepmother is probably not a hateful person.. What if she is? My stepmother is a hateful person.. During our last fight she yelled at me and told me she was completely done with "dealing" with me.. And told me i should never come back!! This particular fight started because I was wheeling my suitcase out into the living room to pack it so i could fly back to my mothers house, and it was apparently scratching her new wood floors... I had already been crying from saying good byes to my grandparents and all she did was yell about the floors, not caring that I had been crying and was in an emotional state..

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 22 July 2012 02:20 posted by Guest

    Father and Step-Mother denied grandkids visits: I would appreciate some advice from those that have experienced what we're going through with my daughter who is 22. She's married with two step children of her own and had a baby a year ago. The problem is my daughters extreme dislike for my wife aka her step mother. This hatred began years ago when my wife did not keep an alliance of not telling me when she made some bad choices - a trust of sorts was broken by my wife. Since then my daughter does not want anything to do with her.

    About a year and a half ago, my wife and I had problems; she left me, cheated on me and returned. We have reconciled and doing well but the kids want nothing to do with my wife - at all. My daughter is manipulating how I will see my granddaughters and grandson and has outright stated that she will not bring them over to my house because of "that woman" living there in your house and "will never bring them over". It is up to me to go to their house if I want to see the grandkids and the stepmom is not welcomed in their house.

    This puts a strain on me of course because I love my daughter and wife but I refuse to be manipulated by my daughter to control how I (WE) see the grandkids. I've explained to my daughter that her behavior is not healthy for her or the kids. Some day the grandkids will question why they can't go to Grandpa's house and I asked her what is she going to tell them.

    My daughter will offer to pick me up only so I can spend time with the grandkids. I decline this but then my daughter tries to place guilt statements like: "its up to you to spend time with your grandkids..." "but I stand firm on my decision not to socialize with your wife and have my kids either".

    Any suggestions, I have tried to be empathetic, understanding and supportive about the dynamics of the past but have told her that the past is the past and its time to move on.

    HELP....

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 06 July 2012 08:29 posted by Guest

    It's interesting the focus of: It's interesting the focus of this article is for all to get along for the sake of the kids (blah blah blah) but in real life this well meaning advice does not apply.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 03 June 2012 23:39 posted by Guest

    Kids as Number One Concern is Incorrect: The number one concern for a healthy parent is first their own needs and then their child. As well as being a step mother I am also a foster parent. You cannot see to a dependent's needs effectively until first you have seen to your own.

    The relationship between parents/partners should be the number one priority with respect to compassion to the child's needs. It is healthier in the long run for the child to see a solid relationship develop.

    Of course this is easy to say, not so easy to do.

    Approach the conversation from the perspective of yes things are different and you [the child] may not like them but let's look at the good things and work on that [unless there are issues of abuse or neglect]. Research supports that children are better adjusted when they have healthy working examples to learn from and the ex and his partner, if they have a healthy solid relationship will provide an example of a good model for adult behavior, the same as YOUR current healthy relationship and coping skills are displayed for your child will also help in their development.

    Yes, children are a vital miracle to our lives and should be cared for, but the best quality of care comes from healthy productive adults. I would argue the first priority is not to pander to a child at all. Give them respect, empathy, and understanding but do not become a yes mom/dad. Be kind but firm when discussing openly the realities of life. They will grow up more secure and stable for it with better coping skills.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 21 May 2012 11:18 posted by Guest

    If this is your viewpoint,: If this is your viewpoint, you may be one of those parents who should wait until this kids are grown to have a relationship. The person you bring in doesn't deserve to be sidelined.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 17 May 2012 14:04 posted by Guest

    Step-Parenting: If you are a parent to a biological daughter and re-marry to someone who has a daughter around the same age look out for the deep dark black hole.

    It will swallow you. Your kids are your number one concern and should always be put first as they are your blood and will always be your children. Relationships can come and go, but your children are always the priority, especially your main priority before your new spouse.

    Your spouse feels the same way about their daughter so the battle begins. Say the daughters are a year apart, and one has the so called right of passage being the oldest, rightfully so....

    Well the other parent who has a daughter that is her own flesh and blood and who is a year younger than the step daughter seems to get whatever the older daughter gets, even if it is agreed to prior.

    Example: Dating...it was agreed that the girls would be allowed to date until they were 15. The dating consisted of being dropped off at the movies and picked up when the movie was done. The dating would allow a boy to come over but not go and be alone with the daughter. Well the daughter waits and turns 15, does her time and is ready to date. The first day the other younger daughter finds out, then all of a sudden it is decided that the year younger daughter gets date as well.

    This is one example how the parent could come to be the evil step parent. Even if the parent of the older daughter argues the point of the whole decision of making the daughters wait until they were 15 should be upheld the parent is quickly told that they are being over ruled and some excuse is made that makes everything okay.

    The excuse being; If I don't let her date now when she is only 14 then she will just do it when she is with the other parent, and I don't want to lose my daughter...bla bla bla....the fact is when a rule is decided on jointly it should remain, unless there is a good reason to change it, and even then it should be discussed with all parties.

    From that point on...the step parent or parent with with the oldest daughter who was made to wait to date until she was 15 now has resentment against the parent with the younger daughter who was manipulative enough to convince her parent that she should be allowed to date at 14 becuase it not fair that the oldest daughter always gets to do things first....etc.

    Bottom line is that you have to be real with yourself and with your biological daughter. Even if it means that you are not standing by your new mate, but in fact your are trying to point out the reasons why the daughter has an issue with the step parent in the first place.

    The dating was a good example, but it can be as simple as a remark. A good example:

    One parent says to the other parent; "Why don't you just go see your daughter and be with her in the area where she lives, because it might be to late and unhealthy for her to come stay with us after her soccer game", keep in mind the daughter alwasy wants to come and visit her parent on her parents custody time and loves to be in her own room over there. These little remarks shed light on an attempt to keep the step daughter away from being in the home where the step parent lives. I think if the bilogical parent made these suggestions to the daughter then fine, if thats what they feel is best for the daughter, but for a step parent suggest keeping the daughter away, when it would only be about 8:30pm when they got home is a bit foolish.

    So what can we learn about blending families with daughters that are so close in age is that there has to still be the seniority rule, and that the step parent has to take time and really try to gain respect of the child so much so that when it is time to parent that the child knows that the step parent is a real person and cares about them enough to respect thier wishes when asked to do something or behave.

    It not about the Step Parent being mean, or disrespected, nor is it about the other parent standing by the step parents decissions when they know the decissions are wrong. It is about looking out after your biological child and listening to them and respecting them. It is also about the child respecting you as long as you are making good sound decisions.

    The Step Parent in most cases gets a bad wrap because they don't understand that they can't come in and start taking over things and demanding respect. Unfortunantely they have to earn it, but once earned it is the best feeling ever. The reward is a fruitful relationship with their step kids and new spouse.

    Thanks,

    Randy

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 15 May 2012 11:51 posted by Guest

    Maybe her dad doesn't deserve: Maybe her dad doesn't deserve a relationship with her. I know my friend's dad married a gold digger and he's abuse to EVERYONE. Not just her and the wife, BUT everyone. So yeah who gives a crap. Let him die with that prostitute and keep your opinions to yourself!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 15 May 2012 11:48 posted by Guest

    Women who are married don't: Women who are married don't need to get jobs. So whatever. If he's having you work he's using you for you earning ability.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 15 May 2012 11:47 posted by Guest

    So emotional abuse doesn't: So emotional abuse doesn't hold water as a reason to leave? I'm sooo glad you exist in the world. We need more consciousness and kind people who have compassion like you around. I wish the universe would make more vessels of love and understanding to mother the world. Stay with Husbands who call them fat, humiliate them in front of company, etc.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 13 May 2012 11:53 posted by Guest

    ALL TRUE: Amy,

    Finally someone speaks the truth here. My dad did the same. My Mother died on Mothers Day 1975 and my dad was spending time my future step mother six months later. They started dating in public the day her divorce was final. The woman was my neighbor and my mothers former boss. It was humiliating in a small town. She buried my dad in November 2011 and refused to bury him next to my mother. So now my dad is a few rows west of Mom and he has two headstones with two different wives. But his body lies alone waiting for hers. I can't wait till she joins him. I'll finally be free of their selfishness.

    The step mother was no more guilty than the step mother in creating the hatred. He put his own needs for companionship above his children. I was 15. I had just lost my mother and was being told that children don't grieve like husbands and wives. Then when dad died I was told the same again. I wouldn't know. I divorced my husband for beating me before he died. I felt nothing but anger for him, even more after he died. I didn't grieve. But today is Mothers Day and all I feel is contempt for both my Dad and his widow. I will celebrate the day she dies.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 18 April 2012 14:06 posted by Guest

    Stepmom and Mom to 6 Grown Kids: My husband and I have been married for almost ten years. We met 27 years ago, started out as friends, realized we had fallen in love with each other, but the timing was off and we had too many kids with too many issues. So we walked away. Both of us had disastrous remarriages and were divorced. But we never really got over each other. I equated it then to having lost someone through death. I didn't hold out hope that we could be together and we lost touch with each other. When he looked me up about eleven years ago we were both single. He called me because his son had committed a very serious crime and had been sentenced to 12 years. His son was one of the elements of our decision to not be together, because you could see way back then that this kid was troubled and my husband predicted "if he doesn't change and get some help he will be a criminal". He did get help - a lot of it, but some people just are not 'right'.
    When we first met we were both still married to our kids' other parents, but without going into deep detail, those marriages were all over but the shouting. (My husband had serially cheated on me and had told me he didn't love me anymore and I could leave or he would). Ironically, my ex was the one who went crazy when he found out (again a very long story and something he heard from a 'friend' of mine whom I had confided in who was fooling around with him!) that there was someone else for me. Up to that point, there had never been any other man in my life but him and I think he thought he owned me. I equated it to a piece of trash you put out on the curb and then have a fit when you look out your window and see someone else loading it into their trunk). Anyway, because of the explosion that subsequently happened - my then husband called his then wife - we thought we had made such a mess of things that the only thing to do was to walk away. However, 17 years later when he looked me up, his ex and mine were all about telling our kids that we certainly must have been having an affair this entire time! Believe me, our lives had been so miserable in between we would have just chucked it all and been together had that been the case!
    When we decided to get married we also decided that our marriage was going to come first. No ifs, ands, buts. Our kids were grown. All but the one in prison had gone to college or were in college and we had sacrificed a LOT to take care of them first. We made a pact that no matter what got thrown at us we would put each other above all else, knowing full well that marriages can be destroyed by exes and kids. We also married without a pre nup. We were 47 and 51 and brought different things to the table financially but for us we wanted to treat all of our kids equally. A lot of people would not agree, but we have insurance if something happened unexpectedly. Otherwise we know (and knew) we would stay married and if genetics have anything to do with it, we will be married a good 30- to 40 years before there is anything to split up.
    Some of our kids are fine with our marriage and some aren't. I miss those who have decided they would rather stay away from us, but I know how much we have given to them all of their lives and what opportunities they have had that we have afforded them. One of my daughters has created a bond with her dad who never took care of her, financially or otherwise. He did not pay child support and rarely saw any of the kids. He likes having a bond with her while promoting a rift with us. One of my three is very close to my husband and me. He and his lovely wife are loving and sweet people and appreciate my husband's efforts to be kind and loving to them. My husband and he are very close. One of my husband's kids also has remained fairly close to us, as are her husband and their three kids. She however has taken in her hoarding mother (my husband's ex, who has been a person with zero responsibility most of her life and now is ruining theirs by living in their home and draining them financially and emotionally). This particular daughter, I think, now harbors some resentment towards us, hinged I think on the idea that had we not met years ago, she wouldn't now be responsible for her mother. Her mother was left in very stable financial shape, has a masters degree and was a special ed teacher who just decided she hated doing the paperwork and got fired. She quit paying her house payments and got removed from her house which was so run down that it needed to be condemned. The daughter should have required her to show all of her financial cards before she let her into her home and laid down a time frame and ground rules then. But that didn't happen and now they don't know how to get her to move out. It's a mess. She is taking her frustrations out on my husband, her husband and probably anybody within striking distance. We want to help her, but we don't know how. However, I do not want my husband to be the brunt of her frustration. Also this year the one child of his who was sentenced to prison gets out. He wants us to "sponsor" him in our state, different from where he lives. He is impulsive and can get violent when he explodes so we are not going to do that. We have heard from the daughter (who previously told us that she would never allow him in her home because he would invite people there while they were out and it would be trashed) that my husband isn't taking responsibility for his own son by having him come to live with us and now she will probably have to have him there as well! I do not believe for an instant that she would do that, so this is just dumping on my husband and a low blow. Well, those things happen. Step family situations can really suck sometimes. For everybody. This is why ideally staying married to the RIGHT partner is definitely the best scenario! I can't see how anybody can debate that one. But it has to be the right one to begin with or it won't fly. I guess the second best scenario is marry the love of your life, the person you can't exist without, who you actually KNOW well, who shares your values, faith, and all that important stuff and then commit like hell to put each other first. The kids, friends, other family members, whoever might think you are being selfish. They might take pot shots at you. You might be shocked at the people who you thought would be happy for you finally are NOT. In the end, IF you have the right one, who cares. My husband is my best friend and I am his. We trust each other with every tiny aspect of our lives and no body is going to come between us. We love our kids, grandchildren, parents but we put our marriage first. Thank God we are on the same page or life would be hell. I would have never gotten married again if it had been anybody else. The point is not to just be with someone but THE one.



  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 11 April 2012 08:39 posted by Guest

    Excuse me? No legal rights rules in your house hold bit: That is crap! I am sorry but I expect everybody to follow my house rules I do not care if you are the step children this is MY HOUSE! Even with my own kids, if you are a guest visiting my child or step child you follow my house rules.

    If you have a child that has a best friend coming over for a sleep over Do you not expect that child to follow your house rules as a guest?

    This goes the same for step children as well. Living with you or not. You are the adult of your house hold regardless with the stepmother tittle. They have rules.

    As I have told one of my step children who thought she was going to use that whole excuse. You follow my rules if you don't like it you can go back to your moms house and run your mom over

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 11 April 2012 08:15 posted by Guest

    it has everything to do with attitude of the parent: Kids just don't all of the sudden hate people because they felt you took their spot. It has everything to do with the biological parents and in some cases the step parent.

    Biggest part of the time has to do with the parent conditioning the kid. Once a relationship has ended nobody teaches the possibility that either parent will move on in life. Usually one parent or the other will play the kids when one or the other gets in a new relationship. This is how the whole evil step parent begins.

    Kids are taught by one of the parent to cause problems within the new relationship of the other parent.

    Brain washing: Your daddy will not have time for you anymore since he is in a new relationship.

    when the dad and step mom picks the kids up putting the kids up to start asking daddy questions.
    Did you ever love mom?
    why did you leave her?
    Do you love our mom as much as you love step parent name?
    Do you remember when you, mom and I did this , this this,

    The parent calling their kids once or twice a day while they are with the parent and step parent. Enquiring information of what is going on with the new relationship.

    all this is negativity on the kids.

    If their is a parent that can not learn to move on after a divorce then of course the kids are going to hate the step parent.

    Some parents are as bad as kids thinking they are going to get replaced and like the step parent better.

    Step parents are not innocent either. I seen some parent go into a marriage loving their spouse but don't think they have to be involved in the step parenting.
    You can not go into a marriage ignoring your step kids. You either love the package or move on.

    Biggest problem I see out of step parenting is because the parent that has not moved on is playing the kids in the relationship.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 08 April 2012 13:32 posted by Guest

    It's tough to tell who are the adults versus the children...: These are great! It's just bio moms and steps bickering over who is worse. Just by reading half of these statements, you can guess who has dependent personality disorder.

    You can't make a blanket statement to the evil step-parent case. Bottom line, parents who put their personal relationships over their children's well-being better be prepared for their children to resent them... not to mention a therapy bill for the next 30 years. This includes both bio and steps.
    If a parent got divorced and then spent the next 6 months partying, reliving their teen years, or spending all of their time with a new romantic partner - expect some anger and hatred to be headed your way. Your kids are going through a difficult time and a situation that's completely out of their control and all you're worried about is yourself. That's not a person I'd want for a potential partner but don't worry... "your man is different."
    LOL!

    If you're now a step-parent but you were once the "new" partner after a fresh break-up or death... you're the person who the kids see as taking away mom or dad. That was your choice so suck it up for the next 10 years and get some counseling to deal with your "nobody likes or respects me" issues. The Brady Bunch was just a bunch of actors - it wasn't reality television.

    I have a step-grandmother who's despised because she came into my family's life only 6 months after my real grandmother died (when my aunts & uncles were younger). There was definitely favoritism towards her own children and 50 years later, my family still avoids her (my grandfather's long since been deceased).
    My parents divorced when my siblings and I were all older and we had no major issues with our parents' partners. We don't consider them step-parents because they had no part in raising us, but we don't hate them either.

    For steps, it's mostly about when & how you enter children's lives.
    Good luck with your future divorces.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 01 April 2012 00:27 posted by Guest

    I totally agree. My: I totally agree. My boyfriend's ex-wife thinks that he left her for me, when in reality we became FRIENDS two months after he left her, and then in a relationship 6 months after that.
    He left her because she is a lazy, crazy, fat slob who has munchaussen by proxy and has refused to get a job in the 9 years they were married.
    So now, even though I am in a relationship with my best friend and man of my dreams, I struggle with the idea of being stepmom to his kids. They are sneaky, manipulative and even though they like me, they try really hard to not like me because their bio mom constantly fills their head with her stories and paranoia. My daughter is so good to his boys, but they are rotten to her, and quite frankly I am questioning whether letting his boys into my and my daughter's life is fair for us.
    I agree with the posts here from other step moms in regards to the step kids: You are in a house, and there are rules. Who cares if they are different from your mom's? Get used to it! My own daughter has to follow her step mom's rules when she is at her dad's house, and she is fine with it! Me, her dad, and her step mom, and my boyfriend sat down with a behavior plan that we all agreed on. It was good for her to know that we all are on the same page.
    If your bio mom is saying bad things about your step mom, you should probably tell your bio mom "I love you mom, but if you don't have anything nice to say, please keep it to yourself, because it is me, not you, who has to have a child/parent relationship with dad's wife."
    Any divorce counselor will tell you that a parent who speaks negatively about the other parent AT ALL will cause a split personality in your own children. It's better to just be nice and keep the accusations and/or paranoia between you and a therapist.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 12 March 2012 10:46 posted by Guest

    ExWife/Mom wants peace for son's stepfamily: A letter to my son: That is a wonderful letter!! I am sure that your son will benefit from your very valuable advice. He is extremely fortunate to have a mother who is so secure in her role as a parent, she doesn't need to compete to see her worth in his life.


  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 01 March 2012 13:59 posted by Guest

    Rethink things?: I feel so bad you hate your life. Maybe counseling or therapy would help you. Being a step parent in some ways feels the same way being in an abusive relationship. Because you feel "stuck". You have no say in their not accepting you and making your life difficult. STOP giving them power to do so? Don't let them take up space in your brain. Just write them and their DRAMA off as much as possible. Try(and I know this is hard) to not argue with your husband about it. Let him go to things involving them but you either don't go or go and just be polite but basically ignore them...take your cue from them. Don't let their IGNORANCE make you feel bad.

    Focus on your son. And your relationship to your husband perhaps? Don't let them ruin your life. They only can if you LET them.
    Best of luck!

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 01 March 2012 13:38 posted by Guest

    EXACTLY: Well said. Why waste your efforts and feel badly when it is not wanted or appreciated. I've been there and just stopped. What a wonderful feeling!

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 01 March 2012 13:30 posted by Guest

    Bio Mom saying you treat her kids and your unequal...: Just don't even let it take up space in your brain. You and your partner know it is NOT true. She is playing mindgames with you and her kids. It is likely working on the kids. Kids feed into that crap really easily. My husbands GROWN adult kids who acknowledge that their mom is an abuser STILL feed into it. The things they say sometimes are just like they are coming from her mouth. It is kids of funny now how easily I pick up on it. THEY are manipulative and they are also easly manipulated by their mother. It isn't going to work on me...lol.

    The best thing to do is keep living as you are. Living off credit cards will eventually bit their Mom in the butt. And no matter how hard you try your efforts sadly are likely to be wasted on the kids. I say be nice but know that lots of step kids will not like you or appreciate you no matter what you do. Maybe you'll get lucky and yours will. If not now maybe as adults. I myself feel lots better now that I don't care either way. It's their loss....we could have had a great relationship and future. They could have had a relationship we ME and their mother...it was their choice not to. Again, their loss.

    Hope you have a wonderful wedding and many happy years. Don't let the kids ruin your happiness.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 01 March 2012 13:15 posted by Guest

    You gave SPECTACULAR advice....: I'm living this now. My story is above on another reply. We were just married last friday and I can see we will have years of this....but I knew this going into it. I already knew they didn't accept me and we've already dealt with his harrassing, physically abusive ex. It's a wonderful thing after you BLOCK someone's number so they can't harrass you...lol.

    You really hit the nail on the head when you spoke of how this gereration seems to be growing up. My now husband's life revolved around his 4 kids(one of which she had at age 16 and he adopted) because their relationship was unsafe and unfulfilling. But because his life revolved around them they have become like you stated: entitled, MANIPULATIVE, arrogant and controlling. And they learned first hand lots of the abusive(but not violent thank goodness) ways of their mother. His 22 year old daughter called us up hours after we got married and told him he should not have married me until he'd worked things out with her! As if that would ever happen. She wants to stay in control and stay mad and never accept me. On another chat board they tried to say "WE" disprespected her by marrying without her approval basically. How crazy is that?! These kids have enough control. I wanted us to be one big, happy family. I don't see that happening at all now. Not because of ME but because of their unacceptance.

    I'm so glad you made it through and that your partner now sees his part in what he created. I wish these parents could see it when they are doing it...I just think it has become such a pattern and habit that when they first start to see it they fall back into what they are used to: giving in. My new husband is learning in therapy that his kids shouldn't disrpespect him/us or control his life.

    And your example of being good to your step kids and how it doesn't seem to usually pay off is priceless. I already had this feeling and after reading tons of blogs on just this thing I've decided I'm not going to wasted effort. I'll be nice but that is it. I'm not looking for a "relationhip" with them anymore. They sort of slammed that door in my face. I didn't want to be their mom...I just wanted a small place in their life as family. The way I see it....their unstable, self centered mother will once again do damage to them and they will run to Dad the way they ALWAYS do. And if they have done so much damage Daddy might not be as willing and understanding of them anymore. I know he won't turn his back but he sees them for what they are now. THAT was more than half the battle for me. And the scariest thing of all is his ex who physically abused him is a THERAPIST. If he'd ratted her out at the ER she'd have never been able to pursue that career...I so wish he had. No one as crazy and erratic as her should ever be in any mental health career.

    Gay or straight this is a hard issue to deal with. I think you really dealt with it with grace and compassion. I'm hoping I can do that same.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 01 March 2012 12:41 posted by Guest

    Dad's happiness should matter...: I do not know if your Dad's new wife is a gold digger or not. But I do know your attitude towards her in costing you and your Dad your relationship. YOU do not get to say what makes your Dad happy. How would you have liked it if he'd treated your husband this way or told you who you could or could not love. I don't see why adult kids...especially daugthers feel they have the right to do so? It is arrogant and WRONG. Your Dad's life is HIS to decide. If she makes him happy why can't you just be happy for him? So you are saying that if your Dad's new wife had a part time low paying job you'd be happier with her? Kind of....NO really judgemental. YOU don't get a say in what makes others' happy. It would have been nice if your Mom's wishes regarding the house being passed down was respected but you can blame your DAD for that...maybe travelling around in an RV sounded fun to him...lots of retirees do that. Had your Mom still been around maybe they'd be doing that. Isn't your Dad an age where he SHOULD be enjoying his retirement? Shouldn't he have someone to enjoy life with? By having a non accepting attitude over this you are giving up your Dad's later years with him. I think some day you will look back on this and regret it. At least you should. You don't have to "like" her but for your Dad's sake you can tolerate her and still see your Dad. I'm slightly older than you but way younger than your Dad's new wife and even I think this is unfair how you are being. Frankly, your post made you sound really immature and not very nice.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 01 March 2012 12:09 posted by Guest

    More Ideas: As I stated in my reply above my situation is similar...my now husband's kids loved me at first. Said they'd never seen him so happy and they had always wanted someone who would really appreciate how sweet he is. Their "mother" and I use that term loosely with her...physically and mentally abused their Dad(my husband) for year. To the point that he has scars and had to go to the ER and of course he covered for her. She eventually cheated and left him. I enter the picture after she'd been moved out and with the new "gem" she had found(really who'd want a cheater?) and the kids seem to love me. His almost ex at that time decides she doesn't like me or wants him back or who knows what...she is clearly not "right". She harrasses us and calls me names...goes crazy on me when I ask my boyfriend to introduce us after she barges into his house..there ensues and big scene with her calling me foul names in FRONT on my two children...who now think this woman is CrAAAZY. For a while things stayed okay....and his kids acknowledged that their mom was highly unstable and should never had done that in front of my kids. But fast forward to their getting back with their "mom". It's all changed now. He has 4 kids....the youngest turns 18 next week. I have a pretty decent relationship with him...and his one daughter is so so. The other two hate me. And after we got married she called and said absolutely HATEFUL things to her Dad. Both my husband and I have done tons of therapy to get over our past abusive relationships. And I went on a chat board elsewhere for advice. Peopel were mostly hateful saying I should NOT have married him. That I should only have married him If/When things got better with his adult kids? NO flipping way!!! Even our therapists said we can't let his kids make our decisions. I have tried to hard to be nice to them. Now I'm to the point of I'll be cordial and nice but after they continued ignoring or confronting me with nastiness I'm not knocking myself out ANYMORE.
    There is a verse in the Bible that talks about "not casting your pearls before swine"....And that is what it feels like I am doing. I think you probably are too. You can knock yourself out and it won't do a BIT of good. I will be nice to them but I'm not inviting them over for cozy dinners anymore hoping they'll like me again(only to have them be snarky). It is messing with my head and giving THEM too much power. I refuse to do that anymore. When/If they decide to grow up and act nicer and be happy for their Dad then I'm open to that. But I'm not beating my head on that wall anymore. And it feels good because husband and I are on the same page. He sees what they do and how they act....it took a while but we now have a united front. And sadly they treat HIM badly too....which upsets me more than when they do me. He is so good to them and they manipulate and act entitled. They play him. I'm thinking with all he is learning in therapy those days are going to be done for them. I want them to have a relationship with him..but one that has respect and not just based on what he can do for them.
    Hang in there. Focus on your man. Don't waste your time stressing over things you can't change.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 01 March 2012 11:49 posted by Guest

    Step Kids: I feel for your situation. I'm in a similar one myself. After tons of reading online and sort of doing this myself I vote for quit trying with them. You can't make anyone change their views. THEY are being terribly unjust to you and it is all really your huband/boyfriends fault. All blame goes to him. Good luck to you.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 28 February 2012 10:15 posted by Guest

    stepson has treated his dying father so cruelly i cant believe: My precious husband was suffering with terminal cancer (primary liver), Hospice had just set him up with the equipment we'd need to keep him comfortable for his last weeks or months. He"s had a joint bank account with his 25 yo son since around 2003 and has made deposits regularly and I'm not sure of the details, we have several accounts at various banks . Last June the 7th was his younger sons birthday So we had a party for him, and just before they left My husband told the older one Take her to the bank , and give her my money . Son looked back at Dad with and exclaimed "what money? dad you don't know what you're saying >>youve lost you mind, Dads talking out of his had . My husband turned red and clinched his fists and said my money go get it with her i want it and he was writhing . they left shortly thereafter, because Dad was inconsolable. iI was so sorry to see him mad as all get out and could not calm him. he would rage till exhausted and every few minutes he was calling his son names and telling me to go to the bank but it was midnight so i would say okay, I will go. don't worry calm down please Rest now, and so it went all night he wanted his money and me not able to understand how to fix it He said he wasn't having trouble thinking just talking, his mouth was dry but he wanted his money My husband never did calm down and I never expected him to forget he didn't have an account still open, devastated about his mental decline. He kept on till 10 am ...and had a heart attack! I called 911 and we went to the hospital in the ambulance but he only lived a few minutes more . ..my love was gone and it wasn't supposed to be over for a while, not today! I've been in a deep depression for 8 months now and the attorney said I had to finish settling his affairs, as executor, so I went to one bank, closed that account, then to the other I'd heard him so upset thinking he hadn't zeroed that balance and son being so mean the way he said he was crazy . I was informed the son lied to his father and kept the funds away from him and tried to make us all believe his mind was gone before he was......AND THERE WAS A HUGE SUM IN THERE ,and now its all his as he is the survivor on a joint account. He hasn't touched the money but his greedy lies caused a fatal heart attack !!! Robert wanted his money and iI should have gone to the bank alone and gotten it with the Power of Atty , but I had believed there was nothing to get for him, and he raged till it killed him. We should have had weeks maybe months together. I feel his son is pure evil to know exactly what he was doing . He had made a list of things he wanted to get with it, the first was his sister in Arizona. She passed away suddenly a few months ago. He has her with him now. If only I'd gone to the bank when they opened that morning he could have checked a bunch of the bucket-list items off his wishes.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 22 February 2012 10:09 posted by Guest

    my step mom is the same exact: my step mom is the same exact way she's been married to my dad since i was 6 and she still hates me, im 16 now. she hates how close me and my dad were so she managed to ruin the relationship we had. she has a daughter with my dad and she is the royal princess in our household. she is constantly telling me im fat when i weigh 116. and she's like 30lbs overweight. wtf? and she is constantly telling my dad i lied about this and that when it's her trying to get m into troule. she wants me sent to millitary schools. i moved out last year with my grandparents and my dad wanted me to move back, basically forced me to and ever since she has hated me even more. i try to do whats best for my little sister to grow up around, considering shes 7. but thats impossible because she finds a way to get me into trouble. i dont know what to do and they dont allow me to comunicate with my bio mom, so please help!;/

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 18 February 2012 05:03 posted by Guest

    indecision about being a stepmom: I have read all your comments and to be honest it doesn't shed much light into the future. I am from a broken home. My father marrying 6 times himself. I have been on that side of the stage where you feel completely powerless about things that happen to you. Not having any choice in anything including step siblings to live with, stepmoms coming and going here and there, complaining about my father, one cheating on him, another one emotionally abusing us kids for 5 years, and a father who didn't even know what grade I was in, let alone how I was treated by the stepmother. I have been in that house for 12 years before leaving. So trust me, I have felt more abandoned than anyone else. I used to be angry at my mother for dying and leaving me in this tragic situation. Even thinking about her makes me upset because I always imagine how it would feel if I had a real mother who would sometimes tell me she loves me for real without feeling like she is forced to say things like that to be the "nice" person.

    The last thing I ever even thought, was being a stepmom myself! In my mind the word stepmom was equivalent to nasty evil in some cases and neutral in others. It was completely by accident, but a gentleman I met, just happened to have a child from a previous marriage. At the time we met, he would only see her 6 hours a week and I hadn't met her. I was very very doubtful myself and even told my date not to see me again because I didn't want to be in a situation where a child would not like me because I took Daddy's attention away, but somehow he kept coming back.

    I was very lonely myself, so I won't deny that his enthusiam was welcome; however, I did not want to be in that situation with a child either. Now after 3 years he has her twice a week and every other weekend. She is very aware of not letting a minute go by where dad and I could talk to each other. She is rude to me whenever she can and acting spoilt most of the time. Dad says I shouldn't listen to whatever she says and not pay too much attention to her. But it is very painful to hear and see this.
    What is even more complicated is that our relationship is getting strained as well. Time and time again I've wanted to end this relationship but there are invisible strings pulling at my heart. He talks about moving in together, but I am sometimes thinking of moving out of state altogether and leaving it all behind.

    So, being on both sides of the team, I understand how she feels, but I don't know if it's possible at all to build that bridge of love between two people who aren't connected by birth. I am no coward, I have withstood the test of time and fought bravely for myself and my siblings, but if something is impossible, I am not willing to waste my life and my time any longer.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 16 February 2012 04:46 posted by Guest

    Well said! Well done! Your: Well said! Well done! Your doing a fantastic job in raising your boy to be a healthy well balanced young man! I totally agree with every single thing you said. Unfortunately there are to many bitter 1st wife's out there that plant rotten seeds in there children's head. But you? You are definatley not one of them! Keep the faith, your doing a wonderful job, I'm very impressed! xx

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 04 February 2012 19:47 posted by Guest

    Help!!: I am at a loss. My fiance and I have been together since March 2009. He is divorced with 2 kids. Son- now, 17. Daughter- now 13. When he and I got together his divorce was still fresh so he and I both decided it would be in the best interest of the kids to wait on introductions. After we had been together for 6 months he told them about me. I wanted him to wait longer but he felt like it was past time to tell them. I met both the kids and everything was fine. He asked me to move in with him. I have a son (who is now 20) so my son and I moved in with my fiance. He has visitation (2 nights per week and every other weekend) shortly after I moved in he was put on 2nd shift. His kids still came on Tues. and Thurs. after school and I tended to them. Made sure they did homework, dinner, etc. they really enjoyed being here with me and my son. They often came even on there off nights and spent a lot of time with us during the summer. The daughter and Mom had a falling out (Mom was drinking a lot) so daughter moved in with Dad and I. Things were good. She brought her grades up in school, didn't act out at school like she had been doing, was respectful and a girl I enjoyed being around. She lived with us for 5 months. Lots of drama with Mom though and I guess I can understand her grief as that was her baby girl and her baby girl didn't want to be with her so I can imagine the heartache. I have tried and tried and tried some more to befriend Mom. I have helped her when her car was torn up I would take her (Mom) wherever she needed to go. I have given her money in the past also. I wanted the kids to see their Mom and I getting along and we did for a short period of time. Then Dad (my fiance) went through a phase, mid life crisis, whatever the heck you want to call it and he decided to seek "revenge" against his ex because he had found out she had cheated on him several times before they ever divorced. He was hurt, angry, etc. I didn't understand why he was so hurt by it as they were divorced and he was building a life with me, etc. but I let him get his "revenge". He lied to me time and time again. He was making her think he wanted her back, leading her on so to speak, messing with her head, etc. All the while I was simply like "wth"? This caused a huge amount of resentment on my part towards him. Very long story short, he had her convinced he wanted her back and then after he had reeled her back in he told her he didn't want her back, he had who he wanted, he was just messing with her, etc. All this time (it went on for 3 months) his kids were also convinced Mom and Dad were going to reconcile. Fast forward to today, his ex hates me, his kids hate me, they are verbally abusive to me, he has seen them 3 times in over a year and they literally live 5 mins away. They don't want to come because "the thing", "the homewrecker", "the bi*ch" is around. I have offered to leave and stay somewhere else for the night so they can come visit. That isn't good enough. I have reached out to all 3 of them and tried to make them see that I should not be blamed for the games there Dad played but yet they are convinced that if it weren't for me he would have taken her back. What do I do? I want him to see his kids. He needs to see his kids. I have talked till I am blue in the face but I went from being the future step mom both kids loved to the future step mom they hate. Today for example he and I were in the store, his daughter was in the store with a friend, she walks up, talks to Dad and it is like I wasn't even standing 5 inches from her. It hurts my heart and I don't know what to do. I've tried everything I can think of to make it right with them. Dad has finally seen my side and even told them what he did was wrong, he shouldn't of messed with his ex wifes head, it isn't my fault they aren't together, etc. But they are still convinced if I weren't around they would all be together again. It has gotten to the point of my having to take a restraining order out against Mom and have had her in court 2 times in the last 6 months for destruction of private property as she sliced my tires and keyed the work wh*re into my car door. I am just lost and have no clue where to turn next.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 29 January 2012 10:05 posted by Guest

    I hope this helps...: I really feel for you in this situation. My best advice is to try and figure out why she is treating you like sh*t. I would ask her if you could have a talk with her. When she is ready, I would tell her that you feel really sad about the state of your relationship. Tell her that you feel like she is mad at you and/or doesn't like you. Tell her you feel like a second class citizen. Then ask her what you have done...ask her why she doesn't like you. Keep in mind that she may be jealous of your relationship with your father. She might also have no awareness of herself. Tell her you want to have a good relationship with her and ask her for her help. Tell her she is important to you. Get her to talk as much as possible. You are smart...I can tell. Try not to bring up too much from the past...except your feelings. Remember that you teach others how they are supposed to treat you. You are powerful and you are in control of your life. :)

    I wish you lots of love and lots of luck.

    Elana

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 26 January 2012 20:02 posted by Guest

    Give me a break!: She's ruining your son's relationship with his dad just by being with him? the KID is the one who wants out of this relationship, no one else. The fact that she is so much younger should not even be an arguing point if they love each other, I'm sure there wouldn't be such a fuss if she was OLDER than him! They are the laughing stock of the community? Perhaps the "community" (or at least the people you surround yourself with) should spend less time gossiping about their age difference and get lives. Couples these days are integrated and various, would you be talking this much trash if he was with a woman of a different race? Honestly, and you having to make the point that you are not bitter, practically guarantees that you are! Even if you don't want him back, I'm sure it bothers you that he's with a woman younger and hotter than you.

    #I am 22 and my boyfriend is 36.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 26 January 2012 17:57 posted by Guest

    If your kids like her then: If your kids like her then honestly you should put your personal vendettas aside, if you are a Christian and believe in God's plan, then perhaps her and your ex were meant to be together? Excluding her from their lives will only make you the bad guy. You sound spiteful and bitter, none of which is very "Christian".

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 26 January 2012 17:42 posted by Guest

    Their house, their rules.: Their house, their rules. Honestly you should butt out unless there has been physical abuse, REAL physical abuse, not just a spanking.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 26 January 2012 17:32 posted by Guest

    Response to Sweetie, the truth is your ....step mom has no right: Yeah ok .... stating "your step mom has no legal right to enforce any chores or discipline on you" that is the father's job.

    I beg to differ .... ok being a step parent or a step child is something that you are brought into on either side. But to make a statement as such is dumb. When does it take legal rights for a step parent to enforce or discipline a child living or visiting in their home? It doesn't!! As the step parent .... obviously the real parent picked them to be with and the real parent would step in if he/she felt it was wrong of the step parent to enforce chores or discipline.

    I came from a home where I had a step dad. I am now in a home where I AM A STEP MOM! In my house as the step parent .... (I've got 2 kids from previous marriage 12 & 11) (Husband has 2 kids from previous 11 & 9) and we have one child together age 5.... I am responsible for ALL the kids .... and therefore ... I enforce chores and discipline.. If there is a problem and I can't handle it then I will ask hubby to step in. THAT IS WITH ALL THE KIDS!!!! Kids need to learn to adjust to the different homes, the different personalities and if the parent/step parents that are in the situation actually did what they should do then the kids would turn out fine. Example: When you remarry and become a step parent.... at that point sit the family down and let the kids know what to expect. As for me, yes I am responsible for my own kids but when they ask me to do something instead of just answering them I would say go ask "Step Dad". Not in all cases but in most only because me as a parent need to allow my children to understand and know that their step dad is also a rule maker in the home and has a say. Just as well as I wouldn't have married him if I didn't think that he could be part of my already made family.

    But kids live in one situation and visit another that have a totally different feel as each place. It is up to the parents to help kids adjust but all in the same if the child isn't getting the discipline in one home then it should be the other home (parent or step parent) to step up and help that child grow into an adult and help them learn life! If that means giving them chores (because they stay in that house and make a mess just as well as others that live there full time), or talking to them about their health, hygeine, whatever than so be it.... someone has to step up and become a parent instead of a friend.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 16 January 2012 23:44 posted by Guest

    I've had 2 stepmoms in my: I've had 2 stepmoms in my life.. I can tell you that both of them SUCK. The first one didn't have kids and her and my dad were together for 7 years. I'm not that child who feels sad that her parents aren't together or anything like that. I love my dad and if something makes him happy I'm all for it. BUT this woman hated me and my brother. We eventually felt the same. She would ignore us, but I'd take her over my current stepmom ANY day. Because atleast my first stepmom let me spend time with my dad. I cannot begin to tell you how I feel about this woman. I stay out of her way. I do what I'm told. It doesn't make sense. She has 2 kids, a son and a daughter. She treats her daughter like the queen... (what a surprise). It used to get to me but now I ignore it and her.. but she still manages to make my life hell. I've told my dad many times.. he even sees it sometimes... he doesn't do anything though, she gives him ultimatums.. soooo annoying. I'm screwed... really. She ruins everything for me. My 15th, 16th, and 17th birthday were hell. I didn't even get a card from my own dad. I got nothing. She asks like such a child, I just don't know what to do anymore. She's also the biggest hippocryte. I understand that there are people out there that do love their stepkids and aren't as evil as everyone says but I haven't seen it yet. You have to understand that it's not always the kids fault.. I try so hard to make it work because she makes my dad happy.. and as much as I don't like her or her little brat I have to put up with them. It's just sad the way she acts sometimes and I'm not going to lie I cry because of how furious it makes me. Her dog doesn't even like me, I've been bit 4 times and 1 time sent me to the hospital for an infection.. and she coons over that dog and praises him. My dad claims he just wanted to play and that he's a family dog.. but he's bitten other people too. No matter what she defends him. I'm only 17, honestly I don't know how much more I can take of this.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 16 January 2012 22:23 posted by Guest

    step daughter : My husband and I have been together going on 8 yrs. My step daughter is 10 yrs old. I have been telling my husband how his daughter is and he would't believe me. Finally he opened his eyes n seen it for himself. His daughter is for the most part a good girl except for lying n going back n forth n complaining. I use to play into her drama but I don't any more, as long as no one is hurting her i don't want to hear it. It's like she wants us to say something about her mother so she can go back n tell her. And every time she speaks to her mom on the phone when she is at our house she sounds sad and of course her mother is always asking her what's wrong. Well her father finally called her on it and asked her why she does that n she didn't say anything. So he asked her other questions like does she complain to her mom about coming over here and she said yes she doesn't like to come over. First of all we have rules at our house n we r on her about her hygiene , homework, chores, etc. at her moms its not that strict. Over there she knows about the late nights at the bar n what ever drama their is. At our house its none of her business as she is a kid n not our friend. She also has a habit of lying n we have grounded her for that. But the lying is a learned behavior from her mother n my husbands mother. They would tell his daughter to lie to her father by saying don't tell your father. Well my husband won't call them on it cause he doesn't want the drama. Also her mother tells her ask your good parents. Or ask your good mom. Really how childish is that cause im a girl scout leader. I don't have children of my own but when I do I plan to be the same for them. To be involved n show them responsibly. I just hope as she gets older she appreciates what her father and i do for her.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 16 January 2012 10:34 posted by Guest

    I Hate His/Her Ex is a book: I Hate His/Her Ex is a book for anyone having difficulty coming to terms with their partner’s past relationships - brilliant read! Available on Amazon or most bookstores - Kindle or paperback!

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 05 December 2011 11:20 posted by Guest

    Maybe you should have thought: Maybe you should have thought about this before you got a divorce?
    Why is it mothers don't think their husband will ever re-marry and are shocked when he does so quickly after your gone?
    Mothers, when you get a divorce there WILL be another woman parenting your children for you at some point in time, that is a reality. If you don't like it, get some therapy, better yet, don't get the divorce in the first place until your children that you gave birth to are grown. (unless of course you have valid grounds, such as physical abuse or infidelity)

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 17 October 2011 09:06 posted by Guest

    My House, My Rules: Thanks so much for dehumanizing us, all you traumatized stepchildren/biological moms! It's kind of funny, because my stepchildren were (and are still) taught to be open and accepting of others, and I have minimal issues with either of them. But what do I know, I'm "just" their stepmother and have no "legal" right to ask them to abide by my house rules, the ones that my biological child is asked equally to abide by.



    I appreciate that some stepmothers are great and some not so much, just like biological parents can be, but what I don't appreciate is that some of the commenters on here are saying that their stepmoms are horrible because they ask them to do chores, or find fault in the way that the chores are done and ask the children to fix their mistakes. Would you accept this from your biological mother, or would you say that she's such an awful mother for asking you to do chores HER way in HER home? Why does one's being a stepmother make any difference? Your perception is your reality; I understand that. But think about whether you are REALLY being treated unfairly (which I am not saying is NOT a possibility, but...) or are you just upset because you are being asked to do something by someone who is not your "real" mom? In my home, all the kids (step and bio) are asked to do some minor chores on a weekly basis, and if tasks are not done to my or my husband's liking, we will ask that the job be fixed or repeated until it is. They usually only have to be asked once. Are you saying that because I am "just" a stepmom that I cannot have RULES in my own home? RULES that may or may not be different than your biological mom's?



    Also, I agree with everyone who said that the "...responsible for the demise of your marriage" statement is WAY off in most cases and almost instantly reveals the bias of the author when in many cases there need not be ANY bias whatsoever. My husband was cheated on by the kids' mother when I was still in college 100 miles away; I met him six years and two relationships later.



    It IS possible for intelligent adults to keep their mouths shut as to their own feelings in order to set a good example for all children involved, you know. Try doing THAT.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 10 October 2011 17:06 posted by Guest

    Just remember that your: Just remember that your daughter is 8 years old. She does not have the legal right to say who she wants to live with. You are the primary custodian. In the long run, your ex-husband probably doesn't even want her, but I'm sure he will make sure the blame is on you for not letting her go. Although I appreciate school counselors in a "school type" setting, I don't really think they are qualified to get this involved. I would definitely seek an outside counselor for your daughter to start seeing. Make sure it is someone she is comfortable with and a good fit. If she doesn't feel comfortable with the therapist, she isn't going to open up. Just remember, loving our children does not always mean giving them everything they want, which sometimes is not the best thing for them.

    When my ex-husband met his future wife, my daughter was 9 and always felt like the third wheel when she was with them. She tried everything to get his attention, but any time I tried to give him advice to have one-on-one time with her, I was accused of leading his life, etc. I constantly had to pick up the pieces when my ex-husband broke my daughter's heart. She never showed him she was angry -- she always turned on me, which I resented and didn't understand. I put her in counseling, which helped. By the time she was 12, she had given up on having a relationship with him. She is now 18 and has not spoken to him in years. Definitely his loss.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 10 October 2011 16:58 posted by Guest

    StepMoms: From everything you have said, there is nothing legally you can do at this point in time. You can, however, start your kids in therapy so they can talk to a third party about the issues that is taking place at your husband's home with his new wife. The therapist will be considered a neutral party. You can then bring your ex-husband into the sessions so the therapist can discuss with your husband the issues his children are having with his new wife. This will soon start affecting their school work, etc., as they get older if the problem does not get resolved. Don't think for a minute that you are going to get this resolved directly with the new wife - it won't happen. It will take a third party professional to hopefully open your ex-husband's eyes as to what his wife is doing to his children.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 29 September 2011 13:52 posted by Guest

    step moms: My husband and I were married, for 6 years, and we divorced, and about 1 1/2 years, passed and he met , who I thought was I nice lady, she was good with my kids, and they liked her, well 6 months went by, and they got married. Then my children both age 8, started tellng me, all the stuff, she was starting, like asking in great detail, what was going on when they were at my house, what they ate and what time they went to bed, etc. I have told my ex husband, repeatedly, to tell her to BACK OFF, she has not, despite the fact the my ex insists she has, she has total control over my children, not my husband, and he doesn't stick up for them, at all. She has them, so doesn't let them be kids, she measures ,what they eat, what they drink, how long they eat, how long they are in the shower, but her kids are absolute spoiled brats, uncontrollable, and this woman, has control of my kids! Is there any way possible , I can have an attourney wright something up to prevent, this. My kids, hate her, because she is constantly , on them , about everything. And I feel like all I can do, is hold my kids and try to listen to there problems, they have with her. She is constantly commenting, on me, about the way I do things, at my house, on my time , with the kids. If I am such a bad parent, then why do my children, always say they miss me, always want to be at my house, and are very well mannered, because I brought them up that way. NOT HER.

    please help any advice would help

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 22 September 2011 11:05 posted by Guest

    My Story mirrors as well...: Many people have a similar story- it is frustrating to be a giver and not clearly see the benefit for what you've done. In Fact, to make things happen for so many people and still feel that you are hated hurts tremendously. However, I will tell you that you will feel a payoff when the kids are older. I know you have a great relationship with them now, but when they are older- you will most likely hear about how you came through. I can say though- the days are hard.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 22 September 2011 11:01 posted by Guest

    Are you an adult?: This is a great message you are sending out :) You are telling her to fight against an adult enforcing chores. How old are you? If they are married, which they are, she absolutely has a right to enforce chores- she is a STEP-mom, not a neighbor. Maybe the problem is that all these weirdos are giving children, a bunch of childlike advice.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 22 September 2011 10:58 posted by Guest

    That's a bold statement: Wow. I think it is crazy that the first statement here is "the woman responsible for the demise of your marriage". It is crazy that everyone feels the need to blame the stepmom- I'm sure that anyone who really believes that the reason your marriage ended was because of someone else is clearly adding to the issue of the kids hating their stepmom. Your marriage ended because you had a bad relationship with your husband. It may be more on one side, but it is certainly not an outsider's fault. I just feel sad for people who can't take ownership of their life. Maybe someday, you will grow up.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 12 September 2011 17:14 posted by Guest

    Step kids: my story is simular but no respect from these kids ages 14 to 22. in fact my husbands daughter instagates stuff. And I am al ways the bad guy my husband flip flops with there part my part. Truely I had enough. My step daughter will be 21 she should be moving out but shes to busy partying and my husband puts not presure on her either we are struggling financailly . there is not one day that goes by she don't have a nasty thing to complain or comment about or in a round about way put me down. I do all I can do from freaking out .Its been 3 years has only gotten worst because my husband lets her play the spoiled daughter role. I am so resentful now. we have a house full of boys i have my share of issues with them but 2 out of 4 try. I don't even try to get along with her any more I just tell her if she don't like the accomadations she is an adult leave. The funny thing is I'lll be the one leaving I have already went as far as putting all my possestions in storage. I think its unfair to my husband and I yet at the same time she is an adult and he wants to play the good guy at the end of the day.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 08 September 2011 15:42 posted by Guest

    I give up: I'm in the same situation as you, only my husband and I have 2 little boys "lost" in all this...I'm not sure how to reconcile what's been said/done...I'm sorry there's anyone else out there who too has to feel this pain :( Good luck to you!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 06 September 2011 15:28 posted by Guest

    I want to help my child...: I'm a single mom. My child's father and I split up when she was only 6 months old. She is now 8. For awhile her father was very irresponsible and dependable would never have been a word that I would have used for him. A few years ago, he decided to join the Army. After years of him getting into trouble with the law, I was very hopeful this would help him to turn his life around so that he could be a bigger part of our daughter's life. He has been stationed in Korea for 2.5 to 3 years now, so visits between them have been very limited but I have always made sure to get them together whenever he has been on leave. We don't always get along, but I've always tried to make things work for our daughter. Last year, her father got remarried to a woman he met in Korea. I had my issues with this. While I know he has the right to fall in love and all of that, I was concerned with the fact that our daughter had never even met this woman and didn't seem to be considered in the decision making. However, I've tried to move past that. I've told my daughter her stepmother is someone her father loves and that this woman will be another person who will care about her. Now, last month, my daughter's father came home from Korea. He is here for a little over a month and then leaving for Kentucky. During the time he is home, he and his wife are going to be having a baby. Their little girl will be delivered by c-section Thursday (two days from now). My daughter has expressed how upset she is with me time and time again. I've always told her that we can't help our feelings, but that we can control what we do with them. I've encouraged her to talk to her father about how she feels. Keep in mind, she just turned 8. I talked to her father and told him what I told her and asked him to please be receptive and accepting of her feelings and help her to deal with them, rather than dismiss them. So she talked to him, and he called her selfish, because she said she didn't want to have a stepmother or a baby sister. Personally I think that her concern is more that this woman and their daughter are going to take her father's love from her. I've tried to help her sort through these emotions as best as I can, but her father needs to help and he's not. I've tried to tell her that her baby sister is going to be another person who loves her. (I'm a child of a blended family and have a half-brother who I consider nothing other than my baby brother.) My daughter has tried to tell her father that she wants some one on one time with him while he is home. He keeps promising it to her, but she's not really getting it. Now she is being called selfish, spoiled and disrespectful. I have tried to talk to the other adults in the situation and her father just won't talk to me. He keeps saying he is going to, but then doesn't. Now my daughter told me the other night that she wants to move with her father to Kentucky after the new year. A shock to me! As much as I know she loves her father, she has never really spent any long period of time with him. I was hurt, but I've been trying to understand the whys on this. I'm thinking she may be afraid that if she doesn't go with them, she will be forgotten/replaced. Again, her father won't talk to me. I don't even know if him and his wife would allow her to move with them. I can't keep her from him if that is what they both truly want, but I'm so scared. I live in Maine and aside her father and his new family unit, all of her family lives in Maine including his parents and siblings. That's so far and she won't be able to just come home if she doesn't like it. I've tried to convince her that we could consider it during her summer vacation. Have her go down there and see what she thinks before making a full fledged move. I really just don't know what to do. I called her school counselor today and asked that she meet with her. I think I'm doing all the right things, but it just doesn't seem to be enough, and I don't want to let down the biggest love in my life. Anyone have any suggestions or been in a similar situation?

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 11 August 2011 03:50 posted by Guest

    My story nearly mirrors: My story nearly mirrors yours. It's very very difficult. Hang in there.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 11 August 2011 03:45 posted by Guest

    Sweetie.. how in the world: Sweetie.. how in the world does your comment help anyone? You are telling this child to be defiant and disrespectful by suggesting her step-mom has "no legal right". Seriously, does it have to come down to "legal". What happened to being helpful and pulling your own weight? If you want to get right down to it, I'd be willing to bet that there is no actual law saying kids have to do chores, period. You should go back to watching TV.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 08 August 2011 12:19 posted by Guest

    Although I appreciated the: Although I appreciated the jist of the article, I questioned this sentance as well.

    Most women I know who married divoced men dated them well after they were officially divorced or at the very least, legally seperated. My husband and his ex were legally seperated six months before I even met him. I think 'the other woman' is actually the exception, not the rule, when it comes to remarriage.

    The ONLY logical explanation for her error is the author is very religious and considers marriage after divorce adultry.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 02 August 2011 14:53 posted by Guest

    Two sides: I know what it is to be a step mom and the step kids hating on you. Bio mom helped with that. I have two daughters from my current relationship, but never married due to the fact that life with my significant other had been a difficult one with his two kids making it hard. I have three kids from a prior. My kids also have a stepmom, however they have not considered their dad part of their family, but never had any hard feelings towards theirs dads wife and half sisters. They just moved on with their lives now as adults and don't hold on to the past. The difference here is that I never manipulated my kids into thinking their dad was a bad person for moving on. On the other hand, I have seen two sides to the "stepmom" scenario, and I know what all these step parents are going through. When I met my "husband" 22 years ago, I vowed to be an understanding partner, to accept his kids (then 5 and 3) and be patient and compassionate and loving. We had all the plans in the world to get married back then, and to raise our kids as one family. When we got pregnant of our oldest daughter after about a year into the relationship, all things changed and life seem to spindal out of control. I dealt with an evil ex wife manipulation, the daughter always calling and giving her mom all the details of mine and her dad's daily activities. As 6 years went by, realizing I had enough, I was going to leave when I found myself pregnant again. Things took a turn for the worst. We are getting threats by phone, and may other violent acts started to happen between the exwife and step daughter. Finally the step daughter was out of control with her own illegal issues, leaving the state with her mom and without permission from her probation officer. To make the long story short: It is now twenty two years later and I still find myself having to defend myself and my kids from these people and thier mom still sending texts about how she still love her ex husband. It's crazy. It doesn't get better. You would think that after your stepkids have grown into adults they would change but they don't. Even after all the betrayal of this family, after all the scandals, and all the attention they brought to themselves, you would think their dad would have cut ties with them, but he is still trying to win their affection now that they are adults. They only call when they want money or something to do with money, and they still continue to blame me, and my daughters for him being their for our daughters as it was their fault they were born. Writing this makes me feel that I am not alone, and realize that there are other stepmothers in my shoes, allthough I feel like I have no energy to go on with this relatioship anymore. i only stayed for my daughters. After tenty-two years, I realized I wasn't the evil step mom. I realized the threats of violence were always there whether it was by false accusations, and manipulation, and these kids carrying grudges over jealousy, and thinking that they were daddys only children. So good luck to you all stepmothers, I have been strong one all these years, but those step children will always be their mother's children, and it isn't even about winning their affection. It's about family being one, and if you're lucky those kids will let you love them. As for my three eldest three children that were from a prior relationship, they don't have a close relationship with their step dad, because of how he never gave them the oportunity to be that father figure. It is sad to see a father always trying to win his natural kids love, even after alway being there for his kids when they were children.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 14 July 2011 16:04 posted by Guest

    Dads wife is a gold digger but he cant see it (or wont see it): i was an adult of 36 when my dad married. My mother had died 8 years previously. None of us met her before the marriage and hence knew nothing of her. They met online playing WOW. A few trips to visit my dad when they were married soon changed that. She is loud, rude and obnoxious and is keen for my brother and i to know "our place". Shortly after they married, she told me that i could take and drive any of the cars. Um hello. These are cars my dad bought and paid for with his own money and had years before he married you. I most certainly did not need her "permission" to take them. In fact i showed no interest in taking them and never did. This was just a blatant attempt by her to let me know that she gave me "her permission". Now if she had helped my dad to buy those cars herself then i wouldnt have a problem, with her giving me permission. Its almost because she marreid my dad suddenly everything he had was now hers and boy was she letting me and my brother know it. We asked my dad to sort out a prenup which he did. But its now worthless as she has managed to convinve him to sell his house and buy an RV and permanently tour out of the RV. The prenup was to protect the house. My mother would turn in the grave as she wanted her share of the house to pass to us. Ive resigned myself that its gone and my mothers wish will no longer be observed. My dads "wife" is only 56 and my dad is retired at 68. In fact my dad looks more like her dad than husband lol. She now no longer works (she only ever worked on a temporar y part time basis when it suited her and seeing as my dads pension comes with full medical benefits didnt even have to worry about taking low paid dead end jobs) and is more than happy after only 3 years of marriage to be a kept woman and have my dad pay for everything. She is a nasty nasty woman and all i can wish for is that some day my dad sees the monster he has married and divorce her ass. But seeing as she is now entitled to half everything he has then he will be the loser as she has nothing of her own. She is gold digging bitch. I am not really in touch with my dad anymore as i just simply can no longer tolerate her presence.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 07 July 2011 23:31 posted by Guest

    My Stepmom is a Slutty Spoiled Brat: My stepmom, Naomi...well...there's no words to describe her!!!! I HATE HER!!!!!! I'm only 13 years old, and she's been married to my dad for 2 years, and been with us for 4 and a half years.... Whenever I'm just sitting there, she stares at me and ALWAYS finds something wrong...like oh, go wash ur hands. Or, oh...go clean the dishes u haven't in a while...BUT HE SAYS IT IN SUCH AN ATITUDE!!!! She's a slut, she's always like half naked out in public, and whenever she takes a shower, she leaves the door open for everyone to see!!!!!!!! Why the heck??!! And she's also a MAJOR HEALTH FREAK!!!! She can't eat anything over like 1 calorie..I'm serious!! Oh, and ugh!!! Whenever I get something to eat that's a little fattening, like a snack or something...she calls me fat!!! (Im super skinny!!) just please help me to deal with her.....

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 06 July 2011 18:31 posted by Guest

    Sweetie, the truth is your: Sweetie, the truth is your step mom has no legal right to enforce any chores or discipline on you; that's your father's job. My best to you!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 01 June 2011 12:46 posted by Guest

    step rents: I think that this is true. Because all you really can do is take care of yourself. Even if you are falsely accused & hated for something that you didn't do in the first place. It is best to accept the fact that she believes this for some reason. DON"T TAKE IT PERSONAL is really key in my situation.( For the record my story has to do with a GF that wants to be married and she puts it on me like I'm some sort of bad guy.) I know exactly what she's doing now that I got it off my chest. She needs to keep the relationship, she's not gonna put it on him. She did break up with him many times and every time I was relieved. Now that she is currrently with him it is a source of difficulty. All the while I have a real mother who up and left for a complete A-hole that says everything possible to make my mom hurt us in an way shape or form. For example apparently my existence is rape. That is bull$&#*. And now she cares about my graduation?! What is wrong with her she obviously is going through something wrong. Why does money matter so much that she has to say these atrocities. I live in a trailer and she is making lifer worse for the only reason she up and left. where does that do any good ever.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 20 May 2011 22:40 posted by Guest

    My stepmom Jennifer is a huge: My stepmom Jennifer is a huge smart alec.... i treat her good ... and with alotl of respect... when she says i do something wrong.. but i know it is right she always has to corect me..... example. Today i did all my chores.....consisted of dishes Laundry dog poop trashes and clean... when i dumped there bathroom trash allitle bit of trash was left im the trash can.. she came home from runnng her erands and proceded to tell my i didnt dump their trash.. i replyed stating i did i remember i did... the trash must have gotten caught on the bag .... she said no u didnt. In a rotten, foul yet serious tone... i replied saying i did justifying my satement.... she comtinued to argue back like an imiture person saying no u didnt...i replyed jenn... if i can project my memory to u i would................. bottum line to u parents out their if u are going to become a step parent dont be a judgemental hypacrytical child who is willing to procrastinate until judgement day

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 May 2011 11:33 posted by Guest

    Biomom hates me: The step kids and I have a good relationship...I've respected their boundaries and have tried to treat them like my own family--not like I'm their mom, but like a caring adult.
    I think of them like my nephews and love them the same way--I can't say I love them like my own children because I don't have any biokids of my own. It doesn't mean though, that I wouldn't do anything for them. I've gone into debt to support them when their dad wasn't working, and I've given them my blood, sweat and tears in order to keep our home functioning and make it a loving, caring place. My younger step told me at age 15, that he wished I was his 'real' mother... I didn't push that further or try to separate him from his biomom, but instead knew it was just his feelings of anger over her constant vacationing without them and his feelings of abandonment.

    I do however, have serious issues with the biomom. I tried from day one to get along with her, but she is a narcissistic, controlling, toxic person. She walked all over my husband during their marriage, divorce, and after... As I tried to cope with her incredibly boorish behaviors, I tried modeling a positive way to be for the sake of her children. After months of incredible verbal abuse by her, and invading my home by actually physically entering it on multiple occasions, I put my foot down and blew up at her in a complete rage. I'm not proud that I exploded at her, and it was in front of her kids, but from what I've heard she's provoked everyone around her to the point where they've reacted that way at one time or another.

    Now, 2 years after that, she still treats me like "the other woman". She makes it painfully difficult, or impossible, to attend functions for the kids... She interjects herself between my husband and myself...and all of it is under the guise of "I am, after all, the mother of his children..." It's said in such a venomous way and with such hatred behind it, that it just makes me want to vomit.

    I don't attend anything that she attends. My husband gets mad at me, but I can't be in the same room as her. I've stepped back so that I don't have another confrontation with her because she just loves to try to bait me--that's the kind of toxic she is.

    She has managed to turn the other parents on the boys hockey teams against me...I never come to games with my husband because she's there badmouthing me, so of course no one has heard *my* side of things...and my husband is the quiet type who wouldn't say anything to anyone about the truth. He just expects that his ex will "get hers" one day when the boys see what a terrible mother she's been. That's cold consolation to me though.

    What I'm saying is that I am a stepmother who just tries to pick up the pieces for a woman who walked out on her kids and husband for a large house that came with a wealthy older man... I don't try to "be" their mother. I would like to get along with their mom and have some kind of positive relationship with her --or even just be in the same room as her an not feel completely sick inside... But she likes being mean to me and making me "the villain". I wind up feeling like "the other woman" when their mom is the one who cheated for several years before finally walking out on them all.

    I live a life trying to do things to help these boys, but at the same time not step on their mother's toes...while all the while being provoked and maligned by her. It is not an easy life, and not one I'd wish on anyone... But marrying their father, it came with the territory...

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 03 March 2011 15:44 posted by Guest

    I feel for you. I have been: I feel for you. I have been a step-parent for 12 years. My step children are now 21 and 18, and I am saddened that the relationship that I have tried so hard to build over the years is just not there. I myself had a horrible step-mother, and have worked very hard to avoid being that figure. I have never disciplined them and have bent over backwards to do for them and help them in any way possible. Sadly, they never call their Father anymore, unless they want money. It is a tough situation, but we are trying to learn to come to grips with the fact that they are adults now and we have done all we can. I try not to get upset when they are rude to me, and my husband always immediately sticks up for me, but it is hard not to take personally.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 27 February 2011 21:05 posted by Guest

    Letter to my son: To the mother and author of this letter... A standing ovation to you for your love, understanding and ability to see your sons true needs over his wants and frustrations! How I wish I was able to be blessed with thus understanding as a step mom, how our family could be at peace with support of coparenting our children and the children were able to just be kids and openly love all of us! My respect and admiration go out to you! I truly hope your son is able to see in the years to come how amazing and selfless you are!

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 26 February 2011 12:29 posted by Guest

    young stepmother, old dad, opportunity knocks: Hi
    The same thing happened to our family and our stepmother got everything (family albums, mothers keepsakes etc) by having her name as joint tenancy, beneficiary etc. I would look into whatever you can now as this WILL happen. be warned. ie: find location of will, what are plans for you etc, sneak a copy if you have to.

    I actually blame the father more as he signed everything away knowingly. I got rid of every single photo of my father and of course this stepmother. it was a BIG pile!

    My mother died of cancer and she would have turned in her grave if she knew these types of injustices can happen with all her hard earned monies and efforts.

    Laws are supposed to protect families from this but they don't. After one parent dies, they think their monies will go to their kids etc but within the law, this does not happen when step parents get wind of these opportunities The laws should be changed to protect the first parent who passes away so their life efforts just don't simply end up with another family.

    Good luck, you'll need it.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 18 February 2011 03:53 posted by Guest

    Step kids: I don't know what to do to build a relationship with my step kids. They're 19 and 17 and completely hate me.
    Unfortunately their bio mom is no longer alive. My husband and I were friends prior to her death. She even knew about me. We weren't cheating. We got close after her death. Their father and I have been together for almost 5 years and things are still impossible. I try to stand back and let my husband raise them but it always blows up in our face. They lie without a 2nd thought and he believes every thing they say. Then he tries to discipline them but they have no respect for him. Only when be asks, do I step in. They respect me and if I tell them what's expected And what the consequences are, they know they'd better follow thru cuz they know I'll follow thru. Does that make sense? I'm glad they respect me but it always makes me the bad guy. My stepson decided to move out and be a druggie. And my relationship with my step daughter is non existent. What do I do to become closer to a 17 yr old that doesn't even want to be home?

    Frustrated in Tx

    Ps. I don't have any kids of my own. Nor do we plan on having any of our own.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 08 February 2011 14:30 posted by Guest

    Re: Mothers Who Destroy Their Kids' Relationships...: I am engaged to a wonderful man with two young daughters (ages 11 and 8). I have a four year old son of my own from a previous relationship. My son lives with us full time and the girls live at our house for half the week.



    The girls' mother is a spendthrift - you name it, she puts it on a credit card. She took the girls on 3 vacations last summer, takes them out to dinner all of the time, there is not a toy or device for which the girls want.



    Their father and I are middle-class and what money we do have left over each month is saved. None of the children are without any needs - or even wants for that matter - the girls share a bedroom with bunkbeds, my son has his own smaller room. All of them have toys, games, books, food, videos, etc. It's just not a house of excess. We are also saving for our upcoming wedding and small but important renovations to our house that we just bought in September.



    Now that the stage is set, here's what is happening. The biological mother is telling the girls that they are treated differently at our house than we treat my son and that we simply don't want to spend money on them. I realize that it is very difficult to explain money matters to kids and that I probably shouldn't waste my time trying and just let our home life speak for itself. I find it grossly unfair that we should be expected to provide the same type of lifestyle that their mother provides. We don't have any credit cards and we won't be getting any due to some hard lessons learned earlier in life.



    I can't clap my hands and magically replace the floor joist in the living room. I can't blink my eyes and replace the two pipes in the basement that are leaky. I can't replace the plasterboard in BOTH of the kids' rooms overnight (the wall under the windows in each of the rooms is currently 75% spackle due to time/money constraints when I was trying to close on the loan - thanks FHA!). But I also can't magically make the kids see that these items have to come first before I can even begin to address the changes they want in their room (side note: I want their room re-done too, and my son's, but these are cosmetic things).



    The bio-mom could care less about anything need-based. She is a self-proclaimed wish granter and in her mind, if we're not throwing money at the kids that must mean that we don't care about them. This is also the mentality that she is instilling in the girls and it is incredibly frustrating to have to continually do damage control after her time with them. Yesterday, as soon as they got in the car with their dad, they began complaining about not having an area rug in their bedroom. We have hardwood floors and right now, NOBODY has an area rug in any of the rooms. But because my son has a small playmat for his cars & trains, they are equating that to a "rug" and thus are "treated differently" - I didn't even buy the playmat, my grandmother did!



    I apologize that this has gone on so long - the point is, we are trying to teach valuable lessons of patience, planning and saving and it is being undone every week with the added bonus of completely twisting the situation and alienating the kids from their dad. If anyone has any suggestions on how to more effectively handle this, I would welcome it!

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 17 January 2011 00:37 posted by Guest

    My stepmother is nothing more than a goldigging lunatic: My stepmom married our Dad when he was in his late seventies and already showing signs of Alzheimer's. She is younger than me, I'm 58. Dad couldn't see that she was nothing more than a gold digging opportunist. Mom and Dad were married for 50 years. This woman doesn't even come to my mother's pinky finger if living. My stepmom abuses prescription drugs and is "no help" to my ailing father. On top of which, she got rid of a lot of my mother's personal things without even asking my sister and I about it, had a yard sale and so now a lot of our memories and family heritage are gone. The woman is Satan. I will never care for her and no one can make me have a relationship with her. My only hope is she will burn in hell before his demise.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 15 December 2010 21:49 posted by Guest

    Evil step mom: My parents got divorced when I was in the 6th grade. I had to live with my grandparents because my Dad was deployed and my mom had to leave to get money, so she took us to my grandparents. So fast forward a year and I am now living with my Dad. Well he gets together with his new piece of work. Kindell. Kindell at first was very nice and kind of stayed out of the way and let my Dad take care of things. This ended pretty fast. Soon after, she had keylogged all of the computers in the house, she would get into my email, read everything I type, and things like this. She would also expect insane standards that I should follow, but she lets her children devastate the house. They would break gameboys, Ds's and completely TRASH everything. She would take EVERYTHING away from me if I even so much as got a C in any class. This got old quickly. She would throw xmas gifts that my Mom sent us in the trash. She basically forbid my mom from talking to me or my sisters. My mom came to town to visit, and Kindell made that experience hell. She is absolutely crazy. One time she called my step dad to find out where he works, ( let me explain) my step dad's voicemail had someone in the background saying the name of the company he works for. So Kindell called him over and over for about an hour to find out what the person was saying. She has basically manipulated my Dad and turned all of my sisters against my mom. I recently put up new youtube videos for friends to look at, so Kindell decided to threaten me to "take legal action" and sue me because my sisters were in the videos. She threatened to take away my financial aid so I cant pay for college, her and my Dad no longer pay my campus rent, and my Dad refuses to give me the title to my car because I told him flat out that I don't like her. Being an adult, I am refusing to go their house until my Dad gets his priorities straight and takes control of the situation, the Step mom should only be involved in what the Dad wants her to be involved in. She has ruined my relationship with my Dad, but she will not ruin my relationship with my Mom. So for all the Step moms here, respect the kids, and the parents, and remember, every action you take has a consequence. I no longer talk to my Dad or Ste pmom because she overstepped her boundaries. Don't be this kind of Step mom.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 14 December 2010 12:20 posted by Guest

    Demand respect!: Whatever you do, do NOT step aside or seperate yourself for the kids sake. What does the divorce decree state regarding visitation? It's not up to the BM to give you guys "permission" to see the kids. And it's not up to a 3 year old and 5 year old to say whether or not they want to visit. You guys need to start back up the visitation arrangement that's listed in the DD immediately! You and your fiance need to start presenting yourselves as a TEAM to his children and back each other up when it comes to discipline and respect. If your fiance doesn't have your back NOW, then you need to walk away BEFORE you get married.
    The kids are both still young enough that you can try to undo the parental alienation that is happening but you have to ACT NOW. I recommend you getting a book called Divorce Poison and you BOTH reading it.

    If your fiance doesn't have a visitation schedule set up through the divorce, then you guys need to go to court ASAP and have one established. My husbands ex wife thought she could tell him when and where and for how long he could visit his kids, even though it stated in the DD that he was supposed to have them every other weekend. She learned really quickly that she couldn't call the shots and now we enjoy our visits when we're supposed to have them. Good luck to you...

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 03 December 2010 14:12 posted by Guest

    Mothers Who Destroy Their Kids' Relationships With Their Fathers: Amen, sister. Been there, done that...Went through the same thing. Methinks people tend to underestimate the manipulative power mothers can have over their children, as well. Moms often not only "don't promote" good relationships with fathers (ex-husbands...), they also very craftily do everything in their power to undermine their childrens' abilities to have good relationships with their fathers. What is really fascinating (I find...), is that they appear to be able to do it without seeming like that is their intent! The kids are none the wiser! And if you call the mother out on it, it just makes you look bad, LOL.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 02 December 2010 16:08 posted by Guest

    P.P.P.S. Dad Was Gay...: One last thing before I let this go (public service announcement, LOL)...The kids' mom's mental illness issues (which are not really funny...) were most likely brought about by her HEAVY LSD use during the 1960's (yep, she was a hippie...her shrink told us during a family therapy session, of which there were MANY, that this was probably the case...). She used to brag about her partying to her kids. You know what they say, "monkey see, monkey do?" Well, I suspect that the daughter got heavy into the modern hippie scene, partying, doing LSD and PCP, because of all the years her mommy used to brag about how fun it was. Food for thought... Your kids will grow up and mimic your behaviors (or what you tell them you did...), so if you don't want them doing it, set a GOOD example!

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 02 December 2010 16:01 posted by Guest

    P.P.S. Dad was gay...:

    Addendum: If you know your man (not husband!) is gay, do not marry him, and do not have children with him.



    If you don't take this advice, that's fine. But don't even get me started with a tome about what men do "on the down low," behind their wives' backs, when they are in the closet. Thankfully, my partner was honest enough to come out of the closet to his wife (she already knew...she laughed when he told her...mental illness of her's creeping in again...) before he started dating men. Moreover, he did not have any STD's (I made him get tested before I would touch him...). But there are MANY women out there who have not only been through the misery I described above regarding their children and phony marraiges, they also caught AIDS, Hepatitis C, Herpes, and/or Lord knows what else, secondary to their "gay" hubbies' dalliances. Knowledge is power -- please protect yourselves!

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 02 December 2010 15:54 posted by Guest

    P.S. My Stepkids and Their Mom hate me...Dad Was GAY!: P.S. IF you suspect, or worse yet, KNOW that your husband is gay (i.e. you have proof!), you should have enough sense NOT to marry him and NOT to have kids with him. Do not expect him to change. Do not resent him for not being affectionate with you (he is gay...). Know that you are BEING USED by a man with insecurities related to society's perception of homosexuals (he's using you as a "straight cover-up..."). That does not make it right, but it is reality. If this story can save just one woman from making the mistake my partner's ex-wife did, it is worth sharing. As evil as she and her kids were to me over the years, I pity them (although, in the thick of things, the pity was, as I said, short-lived...). I also pity the man who was raised to hate himself and who he is (how he was born, how God created him...). I was raised the same way, but I came out of the closet at 17 years old, and I took my beatings (literally, I was gay bashed on a daily basis, being hospitalized, losing teeth, etc...as a youth...). I would NEVER want to put anybody through such misery, especially not a family I created myself -- honesty is the best policy, gay or straight!

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 02 December 2010 15:38 posted by Guest

    My Stepkids and Their Mom Hate me -- Thank God They are Grown Up:

    I feel for everyone posting here -- so sorry for everyone's pain! My own story is a bit different, yet very similar. I am in a long-term relationship with a man who has two kids and was married when I met him (they were separated already...I had nothing to do with the dissolution of their marriage...). The father, my partner, is gay (as am I, LOL, and yes, I'm happy, too :-). He was in the closet, and the kids' mother knew he was gay all along (she told me herself...). She stayed with him because she "didn't mind," and their lives revolved around the kids anyway (the marriage was a sham).



    Well, do you know what you get when your life revolves around your kids (in an unhealthy manner)? Spoiled, lying, manipulative kids who think they are God's gift to the Earth, and feel that they are superior to everyone else. Indeed, the most recent generations of kids seem to be getting deeper and deeper into that mind-frame. Methinks it has something to do with our culture (which is going to Hell in a hand-basket). Certainly, it has a lot to do with their parents' parenting skills (I think you should have to get a license before you can have a kid, LOL, just kidding, that would be a bit Nazi-ish...)



    Long story short, I was brought into this situation as a gay male, and I had to step in to take care of two kids (one age 10, and one age 13) because their mother is mentally ill (literally, she is on meds...) and the father couldn't even take care of himself (that's what he needed me for, among other things!). I felt sorry for the mother at first, but when she began to blackmail the father and me, the sympathy ended pretty quickly. The mother never worked a day in her life, either, but she sure has expensive taste!



    I cooked, cleaned, worked, sewed, cleaned some more (the kids were pigs just like their mom), worked some more, and got kicked in the teeth at just about every turn. It was a thankless job, and as a gay man, I NEVER would have envisioned myself in such a situation. Alas, love is blind and I was a blind fool.



    The children used to come to me on a regular basis bad-mouthing their mom, saying she was a pig (actually, she IS a hoarder, just like on the TV program, LOL), that she didn't feed them (she didn't...), she locked herself in the bedroom for days at a time because she wasn't taking her meds, etc..., and that she was blowing all their child-support money on herself (she really was)! I can't count the number of times I wanted to call child protective services, but the father did not want to stir things up. I understood...but I speak my mind, so it was well known! We agreed to disagree, and the kids suffered. If I had called CPS, I think the kids really would have been better off. They ended up spending about half their time with us as it was, and they weren't supposed to. But their mom created such an unstable environment for them, they gravitated towards us. No worries, we STILL payed $3,600 per month in child support AND alimony, even though the kids were with us most of the time...



    Now, it has been 8 years. Thankfully, both kids are grown up and they live with their mom. We have cut them off because of their attitudes, arrest records (the daughter was arrested with two boyfriends doing LSD and PCP...), and blatant disrespect. Although I feel terrible that they were brought into the world by a gay father and a crazy mother, they are grown enough to know right from wrong, and now that they are grown up, I am NOT playing their games anymore. I was happy to see the door hit them in the posterior region when I last saw them. I felt used and abused throughout the entire 7 years the kids were with us. Thankfully, the past year, since they moved out (of our lives), has been heaven. The father chose me over the kids because he finally saw just what manipulative, lying monsters they had grown up to be. Moreover, he is filled with self-loathing because he knows he HELPED create them the way they are (he never listened to me, his own parents, my parents, and the rest of the extended family's warnings about how the kids would turn out...).



    The moral to the story -- if you love your man, stick with him, but stand up for yourself, too. Don't allow yourself to be walked on by your husband's ex, OR his kids. If your husband loves you, he'll see your side of the story, and he will defend you. If he does not defend you, kick him to the curb and find a man who will. IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, avoid getting into a relationship with someone who already has kids from a prior relationship. If you can avoid it, you'll be better off! Finally, IF you are gay, do NOT marry a woman under false pretenses and bring children into this world -- nothing good will come of it! Honesty (with yourself and others!) is, indeed, the best policy!



    I hope this helps. Again, I am really sorry to hear about all the pain here. It happens to gay people, too. If I had it to do all over again, I would have listened to my mother and run in the opposite direction in the first place! :-) The only good news is that the father/my partner, is a good man and he is good to me (now). I think I rode out the storm, and he was worth it, but if I had known what I was getting myself into...



    God bless (yep, I am a Christian, too...the kids and their mom are atheists!) :-)

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 23 November 2010 18:11 posted by Guest

    I understand: My stepmom was not a very nice person either. She would slap me in the face and I really hadn't done much wrong. I was a good child when I was young. My mom said I didn't go bad till I hit 18:-) Anyways, there was no pleasing her, or my dad. And my dad always stuck up for her. I lived with my dad till I was 17. that was hard. My mom was a good mom. She just got screwed over by the courts because she had less money than my dad. That was a bad situation. Now that I am older I am on the other side of the fence. I am the stepmom. I bend over backwards for my two daughters (step). I love them dearly, but it is very hard to have any kind of relationship with them. I am not perfect, and I will be the first to admit that. I do try hard very hard to give them what they want and need. I try to do things with them, for them and everything in between. I work at a better school than their district so I can have them transfered to that school. I make less than I did so now I work two jobs so they can have nice clothes and new things and go places and be involved in sports and things. We do crafts together when I can. Some times just for fun we will go get ice cream and go to the park. I love doing things with them. Sometimes I'm the best stepmom in the world and other times I'm the worst. I had to take their nintendo ds' away from them because they were fighting over who had what game. Right now I am a monster. They live with me and their father, because their mother's isn't the best place for them.

    I have two senarios and two different outcomes. I know how hard it is to be the child. I know how hard it is to be the stepmom. And I have seen how hard it can be on the mother. Everyone has their own unique experience. Some stepmoms are bad and deserve to be shot. Some deserve an award for putting up with so much stuff. Some moms are bad and deserve to be shot. Some deserve an award for putting up with so much stuff. And then their are the dads. Dads are not innocent in this at all. They can be the cause of conflict, and many times just sit back and watch the cat fights not ever once getting involved. For all those mothers out there who have had their ex do them wrong, stand tall and know that carma will come bite him and possibly her in the rear. For all those sons and daughters out there, the steps may never disappear, but after you move out they soon figure out that they have no control over you and sometimes your relationship gets better. And if not, just feel good knowing that you don't have to go back if you don't want to. For all those decent steps out there, your job is never done. Just be the best person you can be for everyone, including yourself, and don't fret the rest. You can not control anyone but yourself. Eventually, your stepchildren will see you for who you really are. And if they don't then they are fools. Carma also comes back in good:-)

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 20 November 2010 23:01 posted by Guest

    Stepparenting is a tough job: Stepparenting is a tough job and the stepmom is often unappreciated. We bent over backwards to accommodate the needs of my husband's two children who are now 30 years old. The situation is complicated, but the ex-wife never promoted developing a good relationship with the father. Nor did she promote respecting the father. The major value appears to be monetary and on the last visit with my husband's son, the son commented that he wanted our house and his sister could have what's left. As both of us are fairly young retirees, talking about what he wanted from our estate was very off-putting and I was extremely disappointed that his father's monetary value is the main concern for him. We both realize that we do not have the familial relationship we thought we had established with them over the years. I wish them both all the best in their lives, as their value system is very limited and morally bankrupt.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 06 October 2010 01:07 posted by Guest

    ExWife/Mom wants peace for son's stepfamily: A letter to my son: This is a letter to my son who has had a tougher time than the rest of us adjusting to the divorce and a new stepmom and stepsisters.  These rules are tailored towards him and his "issues" at his dads and even though these rules are not new to him,   I thought if he heard them from me, it might make a difference knowing that I'm ok, and he can be ok now too.

    Dear Son,

    These are some rules from me that I want you to use while at your Dad's house, and with your step family, especially D (stepmother).

    1.  You may not like D, but you HAVE to respect her.  Remember that before you start backtalking.

    2.  D IS your stepmom, like it or not, and you do spend time at their house so you need to respect THEIR rules.
    (That's right, my rule is to respect their rules, weird, i know)

    3.  When you are asked to do something, don't huff and puff and stomp around asking "why do I have to do that??". JUST DO IT!

    4.  When asked to do a chore, do it right, don't half-way do something because you're mad.  You will just get in trouble and STILL have to go back and do it again, right!  Having to this is a waste of everyone's time, and wasting someone elses' time because of your bad "..TUDE" doesn't win you any points.

    5.  Remember to say "please" when you ask for something, and "thank you" whenever anyone (including your stepsisters AND Grandma) does something for you.  It's important that you remember this, it shows them that you have manners AND respect for them.  (I don't want you to have to be told by someone to say please and thank you)

    6.  DO NOT, let the television or one of your electronic devices get in the way!!!  Don't yell "wait, I'm watching this, I'll do it in a minute!". (in that ugly tone that you use).   If you feel you  MUST wait until commercial, ask VERY nicely, "I promise I'll do it next commercial, can I please wait until then?".
    If they say No, then get your booty up and do whatever it is they asked you to, NO ARGUING.   If they say OK, say THANK YOU, and when the next commercial comes on, DO IT!

    7.  When it's time for homework, don't DEMAND help, ask nicely, and don't get so frustrated that no one wants to help or be around you and then blame everyone else that you didn't finish it.

    If you remember these rules from ME, then I promise you, life will get better for you at Dad's house.

    ALSO:  Remember to use NICE words in a NICE voice when something has upset you and you want to bring it up.

    This crazy yelling that you do at them and  justify because you're "PISSED OFF!" will not get you heard, no matter how loud you yell.
    Remember that little saying I've told you, "You can catch more flys with honey than vinegar!".  Think about what that means and how it applies to being heard or getting what you need or want.

    Surprise the pants off them by helping out WITHOUT being told.  How about ask D if she needs help while she's cooking dinner.   You don't need to be a "suck-up", you just need to learn that as a member of any family, you have a role and responsibilities.  The most important responsibility is to respect the other members, and appreciate their roles as well.

    You tell me you feel left out and disrespected at Dads house.  I think that might be a result of your own behavior there.  I know it's been a rough ride for you and you have felt displaced and angry at mine and your Dad's divorce, and it put you in a bit of a tailspin.    It's been 7 years now since our divorce and 4 years since Dad and D got married.  It's time for you to grow up and realize that your situation is not that bad, YOU have made it difficult for yourself as well as others.   It's time to settle down now into your place in your "other" family.  No one is taking you away from me or your dad, and I'm certainly always going to be your mom, right here when you need me.

    Son, you have 2 choices, as you do in every situation.   Those two choices will always be opposites:  You can choose to do the right thing, or you can choose the opposite.
    Always remember how good you feel inside when you make the right choice and compare that to all the bad stuff you feel when you don't.

    It might be tougher sometimes to do the right thing, but it's always worth it. Trust me.

    I love you!

    Mom

    Note to readers:    I'm sharing this because I thought it might help to dispell the notion that all ex wives are jealous psychos and all stepmothers are evil, and stepkids will always hate their stepmoms.    Once everyone can come to terms with what is, it's time to make a choice on how you want to continue living your life as it has become.  There are always 2 core choices to start with.

    Peace Out Moms!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 28 September 2010 12:42 posted by Guest

    Bio mother convinced kids I stole their father...: Ok so I met my fiance after he divorced his ex-wife everything went good for the first year, his kids loved me. Then the bio-mother started with the drama and said he couldnt see his boys as long as he was with me. We tried everything we could think of to get things to work and now she as convinced the boys that their father loves me more than them and thats why he isn't with their mother. The other day his son (who is 5yrs) said he didnt want to visit for christmas break if I was here. So now he is torn between his kids and I. I dont want to be the reason his kids dont want to visit but I also dont want to lose him. Its gotten so hard now that he hasnt seen his boys for 6mon and now his youngest (3yrs) doesnt speak to him. Now I understand the bio mothers reasons but I told her that I am not here to try and take her place I would just like to be there friend. I am a genuinely nice girl, I try to avoid confrontation, never bad mouthed anyone even if they hate me I always forgive them. When they divorced from what I understand it was cause she was messing around and they were constantly fighting which ended up with him spending the night in jail she would make brusies on her self and say that he would beat her and people believed her even his parents until one day they witnessed one of the arguements she came home drunk from work and started argueing and threatend to take the kids to her parents and said he was a piece of dirt (to put it nicely) and he blocked her from the kids room and her parents heard all the racket and went to see what was wrong and she tried to hit him then his father so they called the cops. Where they tried to arrest him. So its gone from that to her trying to stab him with a screwdriver or knife.
    So I was not the other woman since for one we met after the divorce and they lived in Houston and I lived in Midland. Now I have offered to leave when the kids want to visit and even pay for him to go visit them (which is another thing she said he can go visit as long as do not go), but what else can I do??

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 17 September 2010 15:04 posted by Guest

    I Agree: This post mirrors my own situation exactly, apart from the ages of our children.
    I agree with every single word you have written.
    God bless you and your children.
    Hugs
    Sandra

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 05 September 2010 21:17 posted by Guest

    Not all stepmothers were the other woman. : My husband and I are thirteen years apart. I was in 9th grade when he divorced his ex wife. He had been divorced 14 years when we met. His 22 year old daughter still hates me. I don't know his ex and have never said anything about her.

    I am only 12 years older than my step child and have been more than nice to her. I don't take her dislike of me personally. For all the other steps moms my only advice is to not take it personally. If you go out of your way for his kids and don't feel appreciated then stop. If someone dislikes you it's not your job to make them like you and you should not go out of your way to prove how much you care. Instead focus your energy and time on yourself and those who know you and love you.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 02 September 2010 13:22 posted by Guest

    false stereotype: "It can be quite human to, well, not be so unhappy if your kids hate the woman who was responsible for the demise of your marriage."

    Why do you assume every stepmother was the cause of the breakup of the marriage?

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 17 July 2010 02:27 posted by Guest

    I don't hate my step-mom: I don't hate my step-mom because she married my dad. I hate her because she spent years badmouthing my mom who she had never even met. She was so jealous of my mom. Luckily I was older when she married my dad (13 yrs) and only spent every other weekend over there, but still it was hard. I even spent some years in therapy because those weekends were so hard hearing my stepmom tell me how she was a better mom, how she cooks better than my mom, ect. My stepmom was so incredibly jealous that my mom and I had a very close relationship, probably cause she never had a close relationship with her daughter who moved thousands of miles away and rarely visits. My step-mom was a very insecure and jealous person. Its been 20 years, and thankfully she has stopped badmouthing my mother. But that is something I will never forget. I have a very hard time completly trusting her. Even though she no longer badmouths my mom she is not someone I ever desire to have a relationship with or even spend time with unless its a family function. I'm cordial to her when I have to see her, but neither she or I make any kind of effort at a relationship. She pretty much stays out of my life and I stay out of hers. Its just always been that way and I like it that way.

    I'm sure not all stepmoms are like mine. Some love and care for their stepkids and would never think to badmouth the mom as that is parental alienation.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 17 July 2010 02:00 posted by Guest

    I am the Mom: I think that people need to remember that every situation is different. The woman who is already behaving as my children's stepmother began chasing after my husband just before I became pregnant with our second child. She was married as well. She did not stop her pursuit or back off when she knew I was pregnant; and I am well aware of the level of her pursuit because I have copies of all of the disgusting emails and text messages she sent him. She began arranging playdates with my children and her daughter before I even knew I had anything to worry about. She divorced her husband for the second time (her third divorce) when my daughter was 3 months old and then my husband left me when she was 5 months old and my son was five years.

    I really don't care how "nice" this woman or her family are to my children. She manipulated her way into their lives. She manipulated them. She has misrepresented herself to them and her family has participated in it. She involved my children in adultery. She then has the nerve to "give the glory to God" for their adulterous relationship. While I was picking up the pieces of our life, and going to counciling with my husband trying desparately to save my family, she was out buying a new suburban to drive my kids around in. Her comment in one email was, "Just think how good all of us will look, together as one." Seriously! I have no respect for this person, and I do not feel comfortable with this delusional, fake, lying manipulative twit having any influence on my beautiful sweet babies. I am trying to raise Christian, compassionate and ethical people. I do not need someone setting the example that it is acceptable behavior to involve yourself in another family in this manner, or that it is fine to abandon the family you have created.

    I do not say anything negative about her in front of my kids. My oldest (6) does not mention her name, only her daughters. It will be obvious to them who she is and the heinous actions she participated in because of the indiscreet way she handled herself in their prescence. They will not hear it from me. While I do expect my children to respect all human beings, I do not care if they like her, I will not accept her at my children's functions or birthday events, and I will not have her as an active part of their lives unless it is during a time when their father has possession. Fortunately, this is a very limited amount of time each year.

    My point in saying all of this is: Sometimes the stepmom deserves the hatred and anger directed towards her. Sometimes the woman is a person who does not in any way deserve or have a right to the blessing that these wonderful children could provide her.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 30 June 2010 00:39 posted by Guest

    I was the other woman...for: I was the other woman...for two seconds. He told his wife already that he wanted a divirce. She knew he didn't love her. He had already moved out of their home & children were adjusting to life without him there daily. He never abandonded them, he was always available to them when ever they called & needed to talk or wanted to see him. She never begged him to come back, she never asked if he was seeing someone else. And only then did he pursued a relationship with me. Given, this is all with-in a few weeks time. But his whole family seemed to be accepting the change now that their Dad was moving out, their parents were divorcing. Until, of course, his wife found out he was spending time with & seeing another woman - me. I'd never encourage a man to abandon his kids or betray his wife ever. If thats how she sees it- I'm sorry. Whatever happened between those two is not on me. They made that decision proir yet her immediate feelings of spite, compitition & vengefulness have made such a bigger mess of everyones lives its sad. I wonder how, one minute it's pretty much ok that they're splititing up and then the next, I am the one & only reason they are bound for divorce. I admit I have always been really attracted to him but I never let on- AT ALL- not until he approached me & said he was free to get to know me. Not my fault she wasn't prepared for not being the only woman in his life. Since then, she has thrown him in jail by falsely accusing him of hitting her, trashed me to anyone who would listen, passively pursuaded their children hate & blame me, played dispicable games with the their minds- all the while proclaiming to be "only interested in what's best for the children". Bullsh*t! $$$ & revenge. Period. If she cared, then she wouldn't have turned an alright situation into an unbearable one. They spend every other weekend with us- so instead of adjusting to the new stutation they fight it tooth & nail. And if I ever do make any progress with them & we do have a good time, all that does it make them feel guilty. Like they are betraying their mom. I don't want to be their mother. I don't want them to love me more, I don't even expect them to like me. But thats a choice she has made for them & it's just sick. It has been over a year now & she is still doing the stupidest things. She confronted me the other day " blahblah you witch" which is fine. She can hate me all she wants but she has to bring her two oldest along for the show. They are still young. What? she needs them to back her up? If she was looking out for the kids- why involve them in her fights? Anyway- shes the victim & Im a homewrecker right? whatever. But the kids arent going anywhere & neither are either of us so why cant she just grow up & quit screwing with their heads? Their Dad has never ever stopped lovong them- is completely there whenever they need him & they shouldnt have to carry their mothers issues with them like their own. It's not their fault or mine & its not their problem she's still angry. But all I can do is wait out the storm & hope she can find some peace & let her kids relax. Thanks for listening.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 30 May 2010 09:17 posted by Guest

    Stepsons: I have 2 stepsons (now 14 & 17) who in there words hate me, although I have done nothing to them to make them feel this way.
    According to them, I tell them what to do, I boss them around ect., neither Dad or I have seen this, that is the reason they say they hate me.
    Allow me to explain a bit more, 2 years ago I had a friend take down a tree in the yard, he was by himself, and I said “ok guys lets give him a hand he is here by himself “ the 3 adults here laugh as if it was a joke, they did not take it as a joke, this was in March of 08, 2 mo. Later in May Dad told them that we were going to get married (did not happen) and that is when we found out about this, that they hated me and I was bossing them around ect., we were both shocked by the whole thing, as there Father said he did not see that, and they were misunderstanding what was meant to be a joke, and it did not matter, they still feel the same way, and when asked why the only answer Dad/ there Mom can get out of them is “I don’t know”. Although mom knows more then she is saying.
    Do I think that there mother has something to do with this, it is very possible as I have been told she can be very manipulative with the kids, and promise them things and never deliver, she has to know everything that happens here, she will grill them, and they talk.
    I recently found out from dad that they were mad because we went on vacation and dad did not take them, it was a vacation for the 2 of us, dad takes them on weekend vacations, last year one went to NY for the weekend, and the oldest went to PA., and that they were still mad that we were together.
    Granted I am no angle, but I do not directly say anything to them that would be taken as condescending, I have made comment to dad about how they act, and the way they do not really listen to him, it can take him 3 hours to get the youngest in the shower, I feel that is wrong, I was brought up to do what your told when you are told, and not when you feel like it, the other son was told to brush his teeth and for a 1 ½ days it did not get done, I said something to dad about this, and he got mad at me, and said he knows and did not need to hear about it from me, and I said well if I paid 5,000 for braces I would be pissed.
    They do talk to me a dinner time, one more then the other, the youngest went to play paintball, I asked him if he had fun, which turned into a 20 min talk about it, the oldest would just say yup, and that would be then end of it, the oldest did ask me a question once about my job, which turned into a 30 min talk, Dad heard this and was amazed, as was I, that he would talk to me that long, and we thought it was a good sign, has not happened since.
    In closing this has put our relationship on a heck of a ride, and he his now thinking about ending our relationship due to all of this, there is much more, but I have said enough to give a general overall of what is going on here.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 07 May 2010 22:32 posted by Guest

    Response to the younger stepmom: I have learned that there is always 3 sides to every story. 1st of all you were not a part of the previous marriage and regardless of how wonderful your new husband there are reasons he is not with his wife and if your the reason rest assure it will happen to you. It will be hard for children to show respect to someone they may be very close to in age. My 2nd husband has the utmost respect for my ex and would not want to overstep his bounds. All these things take time overcome. My ex-husband was very abusive to me and treats his new wife like a queen, but she doesn't know that he has cheated on her. I have tried to encourage my kids to accept the step, included her and tried to have blended family gatherings, in the end it always ends badly because she has to be right in the middle of everything. Finally I had to ask her where she was when we were married because she has quite a few opinions of things she wasn't a part of. It is about the kids and if they are not truly loved or cared about, they will know it and use some of these things as a defense. My parents are divorced and it was one of the worst things to happen to me as a kid, but as I grew into adulthood realized it was for the best.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 07 May 2010 22:06 posted by Guest

    Reply to the step issues : I have a son Tyler who will be 16 soon and he sounds alot like you and has a stepmom he is having trouble with and I as his bio mom try to talk to the dad about some of the things that go on at their house. How does your dad respond when you talk to him? And is your mom aware of what is going on. I myself am at a crossroad with the new wife but try to talk to your dad or mom and is she doing this in front of dad? I know you are standing up for your self but do it in a reasonable way even if she isn't. Maybe you can talk to someone at school or a grandma. Imploding is not a good idea as I am sure you feel all alone and frustrated. Don't run away because it could be worse than what goes on. Maybe even try to talk to her. Good luck Tyler

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 07 May 2010 14:06 posted by Guest

    I agree, some step-parents: I agree, some step-parents are okay, but just like with you, my stepmother is far less than nice. At first she was cool. I had no problems with her until she started getting jealous of the time my siblings and I spent with our father. She has made it so uncomfortable that we do not even like to visit with him anymore. She is very manipulative, and has him thinking we do not love him. Her children are now the objects of his eye, and every attempt we make to contact him, or visit, is shot down by her getting angry that we are around. I have talked about this with my Dad, and have even confronted her on multiple occasions, yet she says that she loves us and cannot believe we would feel this way. She has even gone as far as calling my 15 year old 90lb sister "Fat"... who does that? I know there are children that hate their stepmothers for reasons that are silly, but this lady is mean, heartless, and selfish. I don't hate her, because I don't hate anyone, but the dislike I feel for her, it is overwhelming. We are the bad guys in this situation. She has my father's family wrapped around her little finger. And it is beyond obvious that she is with him for his inheritance. So, how do you make your stepmother not hate you???

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 06 May 2010 10:20 posted by Guest

    i think ur not considering: Hi. I just wanted to add my two cents to this discussion. I agree with everyone in saying whats best for the children is most important.... BUT..... in the case of mothers who have divorced their husbands for cheating, I think we can understand why they may have such large levels of bitterness towards the kids new step mom. Yes they should try to control this bitterness and not involve the kids, but if they do, especially if its soon after the divorce I think we can all sympathise and forgive them. After all, they are only human too and they feel as if their losing their kids to another woman especially if the kids are very young. And th reality is, if the kids are young there is a good chance their kids may become just as close to the step mom as to the bio mom. Some would argue that this is a good thing but I believe that they should have one dominant female figure and one dominant male figure in their lives. People try and comfort the bio mums by saying that their kids will always know who they are and they are not replaced, but, if the children are very young there is a very good chance she could be replaced and not be acknowledged by the children properly.

    Please know I am saying this with respect to he scenario above only, this does not apply to bio mums who have a HISTORY of violence or substance abuse, but even they should be given a strong role in the kids life provided they are getting help and are trying to have a positive influence.

    There are two bottom lines in the scenario first mentioned.
    1. Whats best for the children is most important.
    2. What right does a woman who steals another womans husband have to claim be a mother of kids from that family (She has no right provided the other mother is not deemed unfit and should know this boundary clearly). She can be close to the kids but should not attempt to outdo the bio mom.

    I know this can seem selfish in favour of the bio moms but I'd like to give you an example. A mother finds out her husband and father of their 11 month old baby is cheating. She divorces him and in the initial period directly after discovering the cheating, becomes drunk a couple of times in that first 2 weeks after. On one night she forgets to feed the baby and only does 2 hours after due. Thus husband plays the dirty card of questionable mental health and manages to take the child away from the mom for six months with the bio mom getting supervised visitation one weekend a month while she is getting her questionably 'necessary' help.
    6 months comes around and the court deems the visitation plan currently in place is working so give the bio mom no more time except she no longer needs supervision.

    An important piece of information is that the bio mum has no history of alcohol abuse and no history of excessive recreational drinking. These drinking incidents were one off in this initial period and never happened again. Furthermore the mother had been working full time while the father stayed at home to look after the child so the court rules the father is best for the child. But the father and mother had agreed that 2 weeks after the cheating was discovered the mother would say at home while the father worked so she could get closer to her child.

    I cannot honestly believe that the bio mum was given pathetic visitation. I cannot believe that her mental health was questioned. Anyone in that situation would be very upset and she feared losing her child which would upset any mother. She is perfectly normal and not depressed as anyone very upset can show signs of depression. Furthermore many depressed people can not let it affect their relationships with certain people namely their children as its what they love most and fear losing. The mother is not in anyway an alcoholic and really needs no counselling or rehab. The child would greatly benefit from spending the majority of its time with their bio mum but instead she is not given this chance and watches as her child grows closer to the other woman calls her mum before she calls the bio mum mum and watches as people that were previously her friends get to spend more time with her own child than she does and tell her that this new woman is a better mother for the child.

    I mean i can understand that there are some step moms who might be better moms than some truely dispicable bio moms. From my experience this i rarely they case and while step moms an be good moms they are often not better mothers for the children than their bio moms. The fact that some step moms or mother figures claim they are the fitter than the bio moms just because the bio mom made a few mistakes in the moment of grief is extremely disgusting.

    I acknowledge that there are stepmoms out their who deserve praise and might genuinely be fitter than the bio moms. But the bio mom making a few mistakes during the intense mental pain of discovering cheating does not make her unfit, mentally unfit, an alcoholic or any other commonly used exaggerated accusation by the father and new partner.

    So for those step moms out there who complain that they are not treated right or fairly by their step kids, perhaps its because you stole them from their real mom and the one they love most. PErhaps its because you dont know them in the way there mother does. So what can you do? You can arrange for them to spend more times with their bio moms and if the bio mom is truely that terrible (determine how terrible she is by putting youself in her shoes) then you may just have to endure this unfair treatment you receive. After all, in the scenario being discussed you have torn apart the childs family in the first place damaging the bio mom greatly, how can you say you are any fitter than the bio mom as a mother. If you truly cared for the child you would never have broken the family up in the first place.

    Please note this view point is for the scenario specifically stated at the start of this post only. I know there are other situations that do not fit under this category where the step mom may be more appropriate as a mother.

    Finally for those stepmoms or women of similar roles, when you feel angry at something the bio mom has done whether it be telling the kids to dislike you or constantly having a go at you, consider this;
    You have imposed your way into the bio mom and childs life and have demanded and stolen the role of mother. For many of you, you cannot comprehend this pain (although some can) so it is easy for you to call them immature or unfit. In more cases than not, the bio mom is the best mother for her child even if you disagree. She bought this child into the world and there is a link and love in that that i believe can only be matched by very few step mothers. So for all you step moms bad mouthing the bio moms, dont use accusations of mental instability and addictions to keep the bio mom away, in essence your torturing her. Incidents in moments of extreme stress and grief cannot be used to judge a mothers fitness, many of you cannot guarantee you wouldnt do the same thing in her shoes. GIve them a break and do everything you can to give them more time with their children.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 04 May 2010 23:03 posted by Guest

    it just sounds like your mad,: it just sounds like your mad, maybe your son treats the step mom like trash. i have step kids, and i know how they can be. my husbands kids are very disrespectful to me and my husband. even the ex-wife is childish in calling me and him names, but if she ever told me the things she typed out, i would probably end up getting arrested. im a lot younger than my husband, but we fell in love. thats not a bad thing. i'm now pregnant with our first baby, and we are doing great. don't teach your child to hate, it will only backfire!

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 02 May 2010 21:15 posted by Guest

    Yeah, they are so wonderful: Yeah, they are so wonderful (tone =sarcastic). My ex married my student 25 years younger then him. They are the laughing stock of our community. My son now 17 hates her guts. She ruined his relationship with his dad and my son told me that as soon as he hits 18 and never has to go over there again, he is walking out and intends on never seeing, to quote my son "my mothers ex-husband" again. Thanks bitch for ruining my son's relationship with his dad. And, no I am not filled with bitter anger...why should I be, your the one stuck with the loser now...LOL!!!

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 02 May 2010 21:05 posted by Guest

    You sound like a good person,: You sound like a good person, and if what you say is true, your husband needs to call child services. However, my experince is that most wives of these men claim the mom is doing horrible things when in fact she is not...make sure you are always telling the exact truth.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 02 May 2010 20:51 posted by Guest

    I agree. But what what do: I agree. But what what do you expect from self-centered trolls with zero values.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 02 May 2010 20:48 posted by Guest

    DON"T RUN AWAY: Please do not run away...where is your bio mom? not around? contact child services and ask for help...

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 24 April 2010 21:07 posted by Guest

    Yes because every step mom is: Yes because every step mom is the same and there for the reason of Love for the husband and children. Did this writer ever consider we don't live in a perfect world? Kids hate there step mom for REASONS ask them and they will tell you or it will be obvious in normal social situations. Also if you have a new mommy right after your old one then your dad is probably a piece.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 13 April 2010 00:32 posted by Guest

    I give up: I have for over 10 years bent over so far backwards that I can now lick my own ass. I have spent countless money, and sacrificed my heart and soul. Just to be called a bitch. I am always respectful of the bio mom and even have gone as far as helping her get into rehab after she stole my wallet for the third time, and moved the kids in with me (husband was deployed for a year so I was suddenly the single mom to my 4 step kids) for 7 months until the courts gave them back. My husband and I are at our wit's end and each-other's throats. I don't see the situation ever getting any better, and all I can foresee is divorce. And lost in all of this is my son. Who loves his siblings, and parents, and doesn't understand all of this. As bad as it is now, I can't imagine when there's step-grand-kids involved!!!! I just wish I could pack up and disappear forever. I truly do hate my life.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 23 March 2010 18:34 posted by Guest

    I am the step mom: I have to say...I am the step mom and have been with the bio dad for almost 9 years. We have custody of his two children who are 16 and 13 and according to them, I am the bad guy! I do not know exactly what happened between the partents as I met the dad later, but the 16 year old is convinced that I am responsible for her parents not being together and now the 13 year old infomed me that he hates me as well. The 13 year old has lived with us since he was 5 and now once again I am the bad guy! I think they should have classes for the moms to learn how to deal withe the ex in relationships. My ex husband is remarried and I would never tell my children that she was bad. She cares for my children when they are with them and she is a good person. This is why I do not understand why you would want to burden your children with anger and hate about their family situation. I feel really sorry for the kids as they are the ones who suffer.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 20 March 2010 22:49 posted by Guest

    Wow...if I didn't know any: Wow...if I didn't know any better I would think the bio mom we're dealing with and you're talking about are the same person! I am a step mother of 3 wonderful children and am lucky to have their love. The two girls call me mom but the boy does not. We have primary custody and she sees them every other weekend which already tells you how bad of a mom she is because moms pretty much always get primary custody. She's gone 1.5 year with not seeing the oldest and 6 months of not seeing the youngest two (They're 5,6 and 9). When they do visit with her we get to hear from the kids how horrible of people we are and we're not paying her money (Keep in mind they live with us..we provide everything for them and get no child support--health insurance, lunch money, clothes, food, sports, etc, etc...). I can't wait for the kids to get older and see this! Hopefully she will give up her rights by then when she sees the things she says to them and does is not affecting our relationship or my relationship with the kiddos! Wonderful world of step parenting!

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 08 March 2010 20:04 posted by Guest

    Ok i get that some step: Ok i get that some step parents are okay, i can honestly say that my step mom is a bitch. For three years I listened to EVERYTHING she said and she still treated me like shit. So after awhile you get tired of it so i started standing up for my self. She expects me to follow her rules like have a shower every three days and lets her kid have one every time she comes here. Don't do laundry unless asking. Put your computer out in the book shelf at 930pm. She is always treating her children so good. I don't know what to do. Please help me. I am going to run away if this shit doesn't stop to be truthful.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 24 February 2010 18:24 posted by Guest

    I have a problem with this.: I have a problem with this. I am going to be the ex wife soon. My husband has cheated on me for the last twelve years. My daughters have been a witness to this. What you step moms fail to realize is that these kids have seen you and their fathers in action. Heck the future step mother of my daughters is speaking privately with my children. She is not even divorced yet herself but yet she is encouraging her daughter to call my daughters her little step sisters. My divorce is not even final yet and probably won't be for several months.

    You get mad at the mothers but you need to check yourself at the door yourself. It sounds like you are not.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 20 December 2009 00:03 posted by Guest

    Step Mom: I am a soon to be step mom to a 12 year old girl. Her mother is awful and has made no attempt to get to know me or build a positive relationship with me for the sake of the child. She tells the child lies about me and encourages hate towards me. She even encourages her daughter to hate her father for being with me. Her daughter no longer comes to our home. I cannot even say that I am upset by it because I am not. I am happy that we finally have peace in our home not having to deal with lies and drama! It's soooo refreshing. I feel bad about is the poor daughter who is loosing an amazing relationship with a father who loves her all because the bitter angry mother cant see past her own insecurities and hate. She has allowed it to destroy the entire family and I cannot wait for the day that it all explodes in her face! Until then, I plan on having a happy future with my soon to be husband and will raise our kids to be respectful of mom and dad no matter what happens between us. CHILDREN ARE NOT PAWNS! What gives angry mothers the right to take happiness away from their children. Children have no business knowing the stupid drama that is going on amongst adults. All is does is create stress that the children do not know how to handle so they act out to release their anger. GET A GRIP BITTER EX WIVES!!! Children are not pawns to use in your games to get back at your ex husband and their new wives/girlfriends. Also, why would you want to teach your children to hate other people or even worse- hate their fathers!!! What if they look like or act like their fathers?! What do you think that does to their self esteem I cant believe so many women are so bitter and angry that they do not see or DO NOT CARE about the damage they inflict upon their children. Sooo SAD.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 22 October 2009 11:58 posted by Guest

    I am a step mom. The hardest: I am a step mom. The hardest part of my life is that the mom is not a good mother. She doesn't discipline the kids. She doesn't have their respect. She constantly gives them whatever they want, buys their love, and lets them openly disrespect her. She spoils them, sometimes just to make a point. She has a dirty house, and cares little for their hygiene. She also makes a point of letting her mother (the grandmother) do whatever she wants, against the father's wishes. This is a poorly veiled attempt to get back at him. I am so frustrated that I hate being a step mom, because this woman is such a horrible influence in the kid's lives. She feeds them junk more than any semblance of healthy food, practically encourages lying by not demanding the truth or even telling it herself, and even though she would rather spend time with her boyfriend than be with her kids, she won't give up custody because she needs to feel like she's a good person. It's sickening. I think that the first wives need to check that they are doing what's in the best interest of their kids before trying to blame a step mother. This coming from a step mom whose step kids were at one time living in the mom's that was house filled with dog crap and pee. So, believe me I know what I'm talking about.