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Over the more than 25 years that I've been practicing law, I've often been asked what a court will look at when determining a custody award.

While I can tell you that no two cases are alike, I can safely say that while state laws vary across the country, a court will generally consider the following:

1. The parents' ability to agree, communicate and cooperate in matters relating to the child.

2. The parents' willingness to accept custody and any history of unwillingness to allow visitation that is not based upon substantiated abuse.

3. The interactions and relationship of the child with its parents and siblings.

4. Any history of domestic violence.

5. The safety of the child and the safety of either parent from physical abuse by the other parent.

6. The preference of the child if the child is of sufficient age and capacity to reason so as to make an intelligent decision.

7. The needs of the child.

8. The stability of the home environment offered.

9. The quality and continuity of the child's education.

10. The fitness of the parents.

11. The geographical proximity of the parents' homes.

12. The extent and quality of the time spent with child prior to or subsequent to the separation.

13. The parents' employment responsibilities.

14. The age and number of children.

Whatever the criteria used, a court will also examine the criteria in light of "the best interests of the child". I also recommend the use of a mental health professional to appear as an expert and lend his or her professional opinion into the considerations.

There are also different types of custody. Once the above factors are considered, a court may order one of three types of custody: (1) sole custody, (2) joint legal custody, or (3) joint physical custody.

"Sole custody" awards both the legal and physical custody to one spouse. "Joint legal custody" provides that both spouses have joint responsibility for all major decisions regarding the child's health, welfare and education. However, in a joint custody case, the court will usually designate one parent's house as the child's principal residence and determine a time-sharing plan for the other parent.

 

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86 comments

  • Comment Link shiloh Wednesday, 16 April 2014 17:45 posted by shiloh

    I have a 3yr old son his father lost custody of him to social services in ca. While i was out at sea for us navy. Im out now Im about to go back in i have a stable job and my parents have agreed to keep him while i am out at sea. His father through the military has been charged with downloading of child pornography,the case is closed now and nothing happened. He still has all his rights and everything.my son and i are in Maryland and since he stopped speaking to his father he stopped having night terrors. What do you think the chances of him getting joint custody with me being primary care giver are?i am seeking able custody and for his rights as a father to be revoked.

  • Comment Link Priscilla Monday, 14 April 2014 16:01 posted by Priscilla

    I have a 3 month old baby , Im seperated from the father , fathers past 15 yrs in prison he is still associating him self with people from prison. What are my chances of me getting full custody of the baby?

  • Comment Link Juliet Saturday, 12 April 2014 16:25 posted by Juliet

    My soon to be mother in law feels that it's better for my fiancé of two yrs to move out of our home rent a room so he can get custody of his son. I was told by several attorneys that this actually could hurt the case because it show instability. I have five girls that live with us full time. Two I have 100% custody and three of them I have 93% custody. On top of ot the Juvenal courts just granted me gaurdinship of a 16 yr old. We have been in our home for 8 months and are capable of accommodating my fiancé son. Through the last court proceedings with his son social services, and the propane investigater found nothing wrong with me. I wasn't really brought up in the court hearings. So what do you honestly think is better. For my fiancé to move into a room and abandon this family or show the courts that he is capable of taking care of a family, being in a two year relationship and somewhat financially stable?

  • Comment Link Jacob johnstone Thursday, 10 April 2014 15:27 posted by Jacob johnstone

    I just moved in to my girlfriends house. I have two kids and she as two kids. We only have one room for them to stay in right now. Her little girl stays in her grandmas room but her boy stays in the same room as my boy and my girl. Is that okay to do. Her boy is 6 and my son is 3 and my daughter is 9. They don't share the same bed.

  • Comment Link John Robertson Monday, 07 April 2014 07:18 posted by John Robertson

    My one and only child has died in Oakland California and leaves behind a child who have legal right to custody the sister or grand father

  • Comment Link gabrielle Thursday, 27 March 2014 13:39 posted by gabrielle

    I have two kids...
    I caught my husband smoking Meth in the bathroom with our kids and my self in the house...
    I through him out!
    I worried that I would have to share custody with him....
    Is there anyway I can get full custody?

  • Comment Link cassandra Monday, 24 March 2014 02:19 posted by cassandra

    Hi , I have won sole custody twice and with one of my children we share joint and he has physical what can I do for my new hearing I am a single mother and can not afford a lawyer or get a court appointed one. Please help me ..... I trail of paper work , but he's got a good paid lawyer...

  • Comment Link MALVAREZ722 Friday, 21 March 2014 16:58 posted by MALVAREZ722

    I have sole custody of my daughter and she gets to see her dad every other weekend due to a restraining order thats been now almost 3 years for domestic abuse. Her spring break is coming up and his parents asked if they could take her for a week and a half cause she has 2 weeks off. Can I get in trouble for letting her go or is it ok?

  • Comment Link Anonymous Tuesday, 18 March 2014 04:18 posted by Anonymous

    What if one parent is drinking all the time to get drunk and smokes marijuana around the child and fights/argues with other custodial parent all the time.

  • Comment Link demetrius Wednesday, 05 March 2014 05:54 posted by demetrius

    My girlfriend and I live together she don't work parents put her and her 3yrs old son out. Every time she gets upset she put me out and one time with the baby. We live in a two bedroom apartment and she moved her brother, his girlfriend and their two kids in alone with another couple . I'm the only one who working .I'm thinking about leaving and want custody of my daughter. I don't make that much money but my parents is willing to help by allowing her and me if needed to move in. They willing to help with daycare and support while I'm able to save. I love my girlfriend but she don't uh understand that we need help. Do I have a chance for custody??

  • Comment Link Rahul Thursday, 27 February 2014 09:20 posted by Rahul

    my wife is suffering from paranoid schizophrenia(mentally unfit) 3rd stage. As the child is 5month old and the habbit of mother can be transfer to child at primary age my milk & other.

    Can i get sole custody as she cannot work?

  • Comment Link Lm Wednesday, 26 February 2014 20:57 posted by Lm

    I have been in an abuses verbally, and physically. Relationships have two children with my husband, who was till just recent in the army,I been at home with the kids.last month started working so I van move out, I got help from the government, but since he is working they denied childcare,and I can't paid for daycare, it's pretty much my whole paycheck. I lost my job,looking for another one.i no blogger. Sant yo be with this Men, he doesnt care who's around he start fight with me, or his family.I don't want my son to think that's correct his father's behavior, he's consistently asking what's wrong with Dad,why is he always so mean.right now am staying with his mother in her apt,but she is always arguing with her husband.I don't have family in ni.I want to move Florida with my mother, brothers, n cousins. I found an online job.I don't want to to court .I can't deal with all the arguing and fighting,my son is stressed out that it shows in school,everything me argue or his father acts up.even Dyfes was involved, he took anger management classes but clearly didn't do anything,I was faired to say anything because they might take my kids away.what can I do?I am buying a ticket to Fl, and am leaving, but will this effect me in the lingering and how? Help!

  • Comment Link betty Wednesday, 26 February 2014 17:59 posted by betty

    If the child has informed his half siblings nursery that he wants to live with the father and the nursery write a letter will this help the final decision

  • Comment Link jon Thursday, 02 January 2014 10:10 posted by jon

    My fiance has anger issues there is no sexual side in our relationship she forces.me to look after her kids when her ex needs a day and she is working it has gotten so bad she has started threatening me I am on a parental leave to look after my son she didn't have enough hours in for maternity our son was a micro preemie and needs constant care which she does t have the patience to give him she is constantly trying to pawn off her children on me and others says it is my responsibility I looked after her for the last three years roles are turned she is talking of cutting me off I want out with my son this is toxic and unstable how do i do it oh and btw she has a history of running away she has go e bankrupt twice and stole from a previous employer she constantly lies to her folks and friends about this

  • Comment Link marilyn rogers Wednesday, 01 January 2014 02:44 posted by marilyn rogers

    What can I do. I am a single mother of a 6 year old boy. He has been telling me that his grandpa has been abusive towards my boy. when i brought this up to the father he is in complete denial. i realize how bad it was when my son confess that they even starve my son. His underweight and he keeps having nightmare. My ex husband thinks its all in my mind. My son was interviewed by the Social service and the investigators are even saying his fine. I do not see this. I only see my kid on the weekends and now its becoming a battle. the father wants to take him completely away from me. I am scared and the social services are completely siding with him away from me. I believe its the environment his condition to set himself in.
    what actions can i take; he has been examine and also has been talking to his doctor. it was the doctor whom has called for investigation. can I get a lawyer without having to pay for this?

  • Comment Link jane Sunday, 15 December 2013 10:32 posted by jane

    I am married for 9yrs now. My husband abandoned my daughter & I since Jan this yr. Though in d same house but no emotional,physical or financial commitment. I want to quit the marriage with my daughter of 8yrs. Please what is the possibility

  • Comment Link melissa Friday, 01 November 2013 15:02 posted by melissa

    I was wondering I know someone who has custody of a little boy and she decided she did not want him anymore so she just gave him back to his mom. sad I know for no reason other than he got on her nerves well dhr is involved and I was wondering if I report them what will happen to the child and the person who had not followed through with legally getting it taken care of.

  • Comment Link Want my Daughter back Monday, 21 October 2013 17:02 posted by Want my Daughter back

    i am a mother of 3 children and my daughter who is 2 is in the ole custody of her fathers mother .... And i get 72 hours a week with her ...... I want to regain custody of her do to te fac that the babys father lives there and is on drugs and the fact that i dont believe she is safe .... And i was involved with children and youth do to the fact that when i lived with my parents the house was to small .. But other than that i have my own place and more then enough room and can provide the best for her... Andi believe the child deserves to be with me not to say i got her back but because i love her and want to take her to the doctors and kiss her goodnight every night and to watch her grow it hurts me to take her back there and here her scream when i leave any advice would help

  • Comment Link Joba Friday, 11 October 2013 21:29 posted by Joba

    i have a 3 year old daughter me and her father broke up a 1 yr ago. One day he took my daughter and didnt come back until the next day did not ans my calls and i did not know where he lived with his new girlfriend, i called the cops and they said that because i didnt have court order there was nothing that can be done. So ofcourse the next time he wanted to take my baby i said No unless is supervised and ofcours he did not agree after 3 months he took me to court and me being the adult one i agreed on everything he wanted but what i asked of him i never got. Come to find out that he lives with his girl n her 2 kids which 1 is a 12 yr girl and the other 5 yr old boy in a 1 room apartment. So every other weekend that he gets my daughter and his son from a previous relationship equals a total of 4 kids in 1 bedroom apartment. I am concern what can i do since my daughter with me has her own room. Is there anything i can do legaly? Is he permitted to do that. Please help me

  • Comment Link rebecca carter Monday, 07 October 2013 05:24 posted by rebecca carter

    i am wondering if my bofriend has custody of my child and after obtaining cusody of the child i move back into the home and am taking full care of her what happens to the custody and can i take my child without getting into trouble and how do i go about leaving him without leaving my child

  • Comment Link  Wesley D. Thursday, 03 October 2013 06:36 posted by Wesley D.

    My ex and I were never married but we have a 23 month old daughter who she has right now. she lives with her grandma and 9 other people in a 2 bedroom trailer. one of these people is her new boyfriend who is her 3rd cousin. Nobody in the house has a job and they live off of her grandma's social security check as well as food stamps abs money that me and her other baby's daddy send for child support. Is this reason to prove her unfit or the living situation non- acceptable? I don't want my daughter around people who believe in incest!! plz help me

  • Comment Link Amanda C. Tuesday, 24 September 2013 22:20 posted by Amanda C.

    I am a 22 year old female married my husband is 27. My sister in law recently got into trouble with children services and we are taking care of my niece. The circumstances that got ocy involved in the first place was a very unclean house (you could smell it outside a few feet away in your car) multiple pets including 3 dogs and 14 cats and various small pets in a single wide trailer. My niece always smelled bad and was dirty when she came over usually taking 2 baths to smell or look clean.This is also the second time they have been involved in a year. My niece recently started staying with us about 4 days ago. She is adjusting well. Ocy told my sister in law she was able to see my niece during the day and was able to stay with her at night at our house. However we had not received any phone calls from her or visits nor could we reach her consistently,until yesterday I was concernd my niece had a uti and she refused to give me her medical card or take her to the doctor. After many phone calls and threats to call her caseworker she finally agreed to make an appointment. My husband and I are very concerned about my nieces well being and have tried to get her to give us voluntary custody but she refuses. Upon arriving to our house this is the first bedroom she has ever had (she's 2) and was terrified of simple things like a bath or getting her hair brushed. My husband works full time and is facing a potential raise and promotion,I work part time as an LPN while going to school online for my RN license. We rent our home and although our credit is not great all of our bills are up to date. My sister in law was just busted for retail theft has a bench warrant for unpaid tickets no apartment and no job and has not held a full time job longer than a month. Although she did apply to be a stripper.... My husband and I want what is best for our niece but we are not sure if we will win custody in court. Is there anything we could do to make this more in our favor?

  • Comment Link Sally Tuesday, 24 September 2013 19:45 posted by Sally

    I have a question and would appreciate anyone's advice or input. I have a beautiful 3 year old son that is my whole world. When he was 3 weeks old, my husband informed me he wanted a divorce. Come to find out there had been a rather lengthy affair taking place. He then married the gal he'd had the affair with and they now have a daughter. I sought counseling to work through it all and am so thankful I have an awesome son. Even though I was completely blind sided and was going through such a horrible event - I had a healthy, gorgeous boy to focus on. He carried me through more than anything he'll ever know.

    I am 32 years old. After my divorce, I dated a guy for about 6 months, he was in my son's life but my son was not constant - just a night on the weekend or holidays or events. He was not a motivated individual - couldn't hold a job, would sleep until 1 in the afternoon, etc. I then dated a guy for just under a year. He held a great job, was wonderful to my son and came from an excellent family but was extremely immature - his mom would do his laundry, he would spend way more than he had and started about quitting his job so he could figure out what he wanted to be which was scary to me. We eventually broke up. Finally I met what I thought was a great guy. He was previously married and had been through a situation similar to mine. He had 2 children from that marriage. We got engaged and bought a house together. I had sold the house I purchased after going through my divorce. Fast forward to now, almost 2 years into our relationship, I have learned he has been lying a lot, has zero communication skills and has a lot of issues remaining from his previous marriage. I feel like our relationship is dwindling away. I never wanted this for my son or myself, I feel like a failure for selling my house and moving my son and then learning all of this. It's truly a mess. We are currently still trying to work through things but I feel like we are coming to the end.

    My reason for this whole explanation, is now my fear that my ex husband will try to get custody of my son if yet another relationship ends. I am done with men and trying. My son does not deserve to be drug through any of this and I am well aware of my faults in putting him in this situation. While we do live with my fiancé, he and my son do not have a close relationship. My son is the light of my life and I don't want to hurt him nor do I want to lose him. Is there any way my ex husband could get custody of my son based on me and my fiancé breaking up and having to move my son? We would be living in the same tons we always have and surrounded by the same family and friends. My son would be in the same preschool. It would only be the fact that I was moving him back to just my son and I and changing homes. Any help or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. I will add, that my son and I attbd church regularly, I don't drink or do drugs and have never put my son in a dangerous situation / just wanted to clarify that since you don't really know the types of people you are talking to.

  • Comment Link Lucy Monday, 12 August 2013 21:31 posted by Lucy

    Okay my hsuabnd has 2 daughters and they have lived with us for 6 yrs straight not the mother wants them back we have no papers anywhere saying we have custody of them but I am wanting to know how easy would this be for her to get them

  • Comment Link Concern Dad. Sunday, 11 August 2013 18:09 posted by Concern Dad.

    Im 44 and I just got a temporary restraining order against my wife. One week ago today she came home from work and was upset and stressed out. Our two year old got her upset and she got him by the arm and dragged him into the bedroom and shut the door. I heard my son yell and scream as he was throwing a tantrum and then it was quiet. About a few seconds later I herd him start to cry and my wife yelling at him. I herd the bedroom door open and then I herd a loud slap and then my son screamed like I never herd before and was crying in a way that he was out of breath. I ran to the bedroom as I was in the kitchen washing dishes and putting food away from making dinner. As I went to the bed room, I asked my wife where did you hit him at in a loud tone as our son was screaming and crying. She continue to walk out saying im tired of him fighting or biting me. I could not understand because our son was so loud. I asked again where did you hit him and she just left to the living room and ignored me. I picked my son up from the bedroom floor and tried to comfort him. He was pointing at his back crying ouch. I lifted up his shirt and saw a full left hand print on my son upper back towards the right side. I was pissed!!
    I got my cell and immediately took pictures of his back. I carried my son to the living room as mom was laying on the love seat using her iphone.
    I turned on the table lamp and said look what you done to him!! She said it was his fault as she tried to spank him on the butt and he would not keep still. His butt is not near his upper back!!.
    She did not want to look at his back and ignored my request to look at him. He was still yelling and crying. So I got him and took him the the sheriff station and the gave me the number to child protective service. I called and made a complaint and filed a report.
    Our marriage was already on the rocks but this was the straw that broke the camels back. She has verbally abused him many time and now it has escalated to to this. I filed for divorced, I filed for custody and support and I filed for the temporary restraining order and a move out order of our apartment. I also included copy of the color pictures of my son back with my request. I have also have voice recorded my wife abusive yelling at my son in prior incidents in our home which I can legal do. I did record this incident as well and you can hear it clearly and her her yelling and hear the slap and him letting out his painful yell which I told the court I have for the record. The restraining order was granted and so was the move out order. She has to stay 100 yards from my son until the court date in three weeks. I have been on disability since Jan 2013 do to my neck which does not prevent me for caring for our son. I cook for our son, I buy the groceries, I clean the house, I bath him daily, I do the washing of clothes. He is with me 24/7 and im also potty training him as we speak. I do get funds from my disability which just covers the rent and food. My wife works full time and make about 2800.00 a month. She moved back to her moms which I know she will pay her 500.00 a month towards rent as she had before. I'm going to file an ex parte of custody this Monday for my son.
    I also requested to the court that my wife take anger management classes and show completion to the court before she is able to have visitations with our son. Which I wont know till our court date in three weeks. This has been a very stressful situation for me as well as my son. I had to do all the paper work myself and had some help from the court family help center.
    does anyone know if I can qualify for other benefits for my son and I. No child support order had been approved until court date.Until I get a release from my doctor I cannot work. So right now I have to depend on my only source of income which is disability which is not much. Any help or advise will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
    Pss.. Child protective services said the case is inconclusive because this was her first offense and I should let the family court deal with this which they are as by the restraining and move out order.
    My son is only 2 yrs old and does not deserve to be treated in such a manner.
    Thank you.
    A concern Dad from
    From Los Angeles California.

  • Comment Link exhaustedbycourt Saturday, 10 August 2013 04:52 posted by exhaustedbycourt

    The fact that you don't have a job is not the issue in my understanding. The bigger issue is that he should be paying you support

  • Comment Link Valerie Wednesday, 07 August 2013 20:57 posted by Valerie

    I'm going thru a custody case now . My sons father has repeatly broken court order . He has taking out of state without me knowing , taking him to another family doctor without telling me , wont let me talk to my son when in his custody . School events keeps them from me . Won't let him have a relationship with his brother and sister . Like bdays , activities won't let him attend . He has to be in control bout everything . Custody case is coming up soon , do I have anything to worry bout ???

  • Comment Link skeeto1015 Sunday, 21 July 2013 06:55 posted by skeeto1015

    i have my son who just turned a year a couple days ago! father isn't around but just called saying he wants to see him or else he'll take me to court! he hasn't seen him since he was 2 months old and has NEVER gave anything to support him! first time I heard from him was a couple months ago when he was asking to see him. I told him he can come over whenever but he hates my parents (yes im living with my parents but they have helped me and my son so much.. I owe them everything)! all the father is a liar and steals! when I lived with him before my son was born, we fought constantly, he never had a job and he emotionally abused me! we moved in with my parents and they spent over thousands of dollars on him to get a trucking job to help support us, but like everything else he didn't want to do it! now, hes living in his own trailor and has his other son from a previous marriage every other weekend! and a couple months ago, he wanted to sign off all his rights of my son, but when I talked to two of my lawyers, they said that there is no legal way to do that unless someone else adopts him. I want full custody and don't want this loser to be in his life at all! I don't know what to do! I need advice and help please! :(

  • Comment Link Anna Saturday, 13 July 2013 11:41 posted by Anna

    I have a 5 month old. And I want to split up with the father. But I'm worried he wil get custody of her. He use to hit me and everything. Only thing I can think is he is the only one with a job right now. Someone help!!!!

  • Comment Link Anne Saturday, 13 July 2013 11:35 posted by Anne

    I'm a grandmother and my son is a 25 year addict. His wife enables him. The children are traumatized by serious fighting and are screamed at or smacked both parents neglect.

    Wife won't move out...
    Any grounds for grand parent custody of children

  • Comment Link Caitlin D. Wednesday, 15 May 2013 17:59 posted by Caitlin D.

    I'm a mother of a five year old son. I unfortunately obtained a opiate addiction from pain medication for my back. I had gone very far quickly in my addiction and upgraded to taking heroin. I've given custody to the paternal grandmother and just as I was getting custody back I relapsed. Now I supervised visitation with my son and have gone back to rehab. I have been clean for some time now and the father is going for full custody. I love my child and addiction is a cunning enemy, I need to know what I have to do in court to have the supervised visitation removed and be given joint custody. I call my DYFS worker but he never answers me. What do I do/

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 02 April 2013 15:54 posted by Guest

    My son and his girlfriend have a 16 month old son, they lived in Virginia until He was a year old, when the girlfriend said she had found a management job in AR, so they were going to go there for 6 months so she could get experience with this company and then transfer back to VA. During this time my son was suppose to keep his job here in VA (he works in the prison system) so they would have that to fall back on when they move back here occurred. The agreement was that he would come there to stay with them on his days off (he works 5 on and 5 off). Within 3 months of her moving there with the baby she had been evicted from the house they rented, my son found out that she had lied about the job it was not a full time management job, it was a part time job making no more than she had made here in VA. When confronted with all this it came to light that her father had moved out there with her, and she told my son not to come back there that she didn't want him there. She and her father have since moved into an 1 bedroom apartment in the end of a barn with concrete floors and no place for the baby to play. She isn't working and neither is her father, they are trying to start a business from the barn. (Her father has had 2 prior business that ended in him defrauding people and having to close due to the fraud, she assisted him in these businesses as well). My son filed for custody of his son 3 months and 28 days after they moved out to AR. She has refused service of court papers by not picking them up, and running from the process server. Our Attorney states that under the UCCJEA Federal Law that the state of Virginia has Jurisdiction in the case and the Juvenile Judge here said that he is not going to give up Jurisdiction. We have had to hire an Attorney in AR to defend us in the case that she filed the month after we filed here. We now have another court date here on April 16, 2013 which before just prior to her having been there a full 6 months. My question is who will have jurisdiction in this case and the 6 months come to a halt when the first case was filed on January 28, 2013, or can his residency be changed prior to the ending of the court proceedings. Please help!!!! Thanks.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 02 April 2013 06:56 posted by Guest

    I live in KS and Im worried my parental rights might be terminated. I have four kids ages 6,4,3 and 1 they came into custody for my hair follical being positive for illegal substances hard core drugs in june 2012 then I found out I was expecting so I planned for adoption in consideration to time spending and nurturing for the 4 I already have we me and the biological dad of all children have successfully adopted the 5th child on feb 16 and during this time I have had many difficult confrences with the social worker who falsely stated she asked for 2 ua's and we failed to get them taking she contempted only me to court while I was pregnant not the dad and I was put in jail to submit a hair folical and pass to get out I stayed in jail for 6 weeks she refused to let me see my kids during this time it was hard but I get out and she is asking for the kids to be adopted out DEC 2012 was the pretrial hearing and original termination date was suppose to be on JAN 18 2013 but the judge moved it to April 8 2013 so I had time to complete court orders of parenting classes clinicals ongoing therepy sessions maintain housing pay off my fines for my DL insurance on vehical and employment after baby was born but because of being in jail and complications with pregnancy my attendance was bad and I was unsecessfully discharged so I attend aa meetings for my sobriety my concern is I have a history of being in custody from 14 to 18 DV with family not charged only arrests and granted sole custody of oldest child since dad didn't complete court orders and after our 3rd child he has a aggervated assult charge against me and hes charged with theft and possession of marijuana and crimal trespassing I have an education I obtained in 2010 for Dental Assistant and have provided soley for all kids but he has a job now with me and were doing couples counseling he finished his court orders and we have maintained housing do you think they will terminate both our rights or do you have any advice for me as to what changes I should make in my life to help better my chances for reintergrating back with my kids before I attend this hearing please w/b

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 23 March 2013 14:08 posted by Guest

    i live in SC have shared custody of my four children for 4 years (3 1/2 days each week) now she wants full custody. she was abusive to me while married has told many people she didn't want the kids has had RSS called many times had to call poison control many times put me through, a lot this past year show up when she would want to to get kids tell them all kinds of stuff she was planning to do as far as seeing me has older kids (recently 9 & 11) take care of little ones cook for theirselves etc I don't want to loose my kids what can I do I don't make a lot have little saved need heelp

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 01 March 2013 17:45 posted by Guest

    My moms boyfriend started molesting me at 12 yrs.old then contentiously manipulating me into what he wanted and brainwashed me into moving and get married with him now I finally am a way from him but have 2 kids all I want is to stay away from him but he keeps threatening my kids are gonna be taken away from me I don't no what to do? always gets what he wants I can't afford a lawyer how can I get my kids away from him? Please help I don't no what to do I am really getting depressed over it but I am trying to stay strong for my kid but I don't no if I can live with this burden and pain he causes me everyday anymore I have no were to turn!

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 22 February 2013 14:25 posted by Guest

    Please help...father is sex addict : Can someone give me some insight...I have a 6 week old and I am not with the father. He wasn't a part of the pregnancy, not at delivery, and not on the birth certificate. He has seen her of a total of 2 and a half hours and now is asking to take her for the day. Here is the background of the father...he is from the Amish background, he hasn't had a stable living situation for the past six years, he works two jobs and lives an hour from us. The biggest problem of his is he is a sex addict, the reason for us splitting up was bc he was sleeping with three other girls, unprotected, putting me and my unborn child at risk. He is able to come see the baby every Saturday if he likes, at my house. Now he is wanting to take her for the day and won't allow it. I have a feeling he is going to go and fight me in court and I am so scared these matters won't matter and he'll be able to take her. She has breathing problems and feeding problems, which he doesn't know how to handle and I fear for my little girl. Any thoughts would be appreciated!

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 21 February 2013 07:38 posted by Guest

    Wife left without son: My wife of 13 years left 1/1/13 without our 11 year old son and is living with a guy she dated in High School. She wants a divorce but for cost reasons, we haven't filed yet. I have had a consultation with a lawyer. She sees our son on the weekend, when our son wants to go because he doesn't like the guy she lives with and is angry at Mom. Do I have any legal way of keeping her from just one day picking him up from school or the house while I am at work and taking him and switching the arrangements? There was no violence in the relationship as far as hitting, just pushing and shoving on both parts. No police involvement.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 19 February 2013 00:19 posted by Guest

    signing over custody.. or shackles and chains: I don't mean to be rude this question is kinda goofy in 4 months he can go anywhere he wants so you want to control him for the next 4 months to make him resent you? vindicating his mother who will eat this up the mother would use it against you and quite frankly children yearn for structure living with his mother he will realize why you had rules and the s tructure was an act of love to protect him. if you let him go to actually miss you believe it or not -you really need to let him go immediately or the anger and resentments could last for very long time. Now what can she get out of it if it's more than 6 months of the year to live with him she will get a tax write off for 1 dependent if she files for child support by the time it gets to the court child support will be over unless you think he will go to College if so then just pay the support it is a lot cheaper than what you're paying for him to live with you.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 15 February 2013 15:07 posted by Guest

    Custody Trial NJ: My husband and I are due to have a joint custody trial on March 26, 2013 to decide which parent our two daughters (age 3 & 4) will reside with. The court is ordering an investigation of DCPP records, medical and school records. I had my husband arrested in 2008 for physical abuse to me. He also has been physically abusive to my oldest daughter (not his) and this is on record with DCPP. I have been a homemaker for 5 years of the marriage because we could not afford to send both children to daycare. I still currently do not work but have begun volunteering at a local hospital in hopes the a job opportunity will arise from volunteering. I still am looking for employment however as well. He as labeled me as acting like a victim, being abusive to our children, and not wanting to work. I was granted child support in the amount of $145/week and denied spousal support yesterday. It has taken me a long time but I have finally found it within myself to leave and be completely done with the long time abuse. I am afraid however that I will lose my girls because of one incident where my brother called DCPP on me for my oldest daughter because I spanked her for being disobedient. DCPP closed out the case and I never heard from them again.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 15 February 2013 01:46 posted by Guest

    Reply to signing over custody.: Child support probably...

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 14 February 2013 14:23 posted by Guest

    Does my mom have a chance to get me back? PLEASE HELP!: I live with my grandma and I am 13 years old and my mom is getting married, Has a Job, Has a House, and has been clean from drugs for 3 years now and is trying to get me back. My dad is never around, My mother is currently taking 6 weeks of Parenting Classes, and taking a bunch of drug tests and called the courts today and has a lawyer and is planning on going to court to get me back. Do you think she has a chance to get me back? Ive always wanted to be back with her so she also had me write the judge a letter stating why I want to live with her(My mom) and I am going into court too to tell the courts who I want to live with so what do you think the courts might possibly say? I was taken away from my mother because she didnt have enough money to care for me and she was only 18 and hung around the wrong people and had a drug problem but now she doesnt even talk to those people anymore and she has a hourse, job, everything and is clean from drugs. Please help! Thank you.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 12 February 2013 10:14 posted by Guest

    4 month from now my son will be 18: I have a great question? 4 month from now my son will be 18. He wants to live at her house now because he doesn't like my rules in the house. The normal rules cant be out past 11....etc. I told him sure move to your mothers but she won't take him until I sign over custody to her. Is there a reason she wants that so bad?

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 12 February 2013 00:22 posted by Guest

    please help with my question: So my friend has kids nd him nd the mom are seperated, she has a new boyfriend of 3 years and he plays a bigger role in the kids life then the dad, the mom and new boyfriend are well off. She is getting the kids dad for support ..will it make a difference if she has help, and has money and the dad is barley making it and pays support for another little boy as well? I guess we are a little confused and not sure if the new boyfriend nd her having money will make a difference because they are able to support the kids she is just being hateful.?

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 12 February 2013 00:18 posted by Guest

    child support questionss: So my friend has kids nd him nd the mom are separated, she has a new boyfriend of 3 years and he plays a bigger role in the kids life then the dad, the mom and new boyfriend are well off. She is getting the kids dad for support ..will it make a difference if she has help, and has money and the dad is barley making it and pays support for another little boy as well? I guess we are a little confused and not sure if the new boyfriend nd her having money will make a difference because they are able to support the kids she is just being hateful.?

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 10 February 2013 22:32 posted by Guest

    any advice: my ex gf texted me 2 months ago that our son 11 wants to move in with me come get him and his stuff. this wknd he went to see her for the weekend and she texted they where not gona meet us to pick him up she is the custodial parent and its what he wants, she hasnt let me talk to him. she is the custodial parent but hes lived with me for 2 months. i dont think its what he wants but i cant reach him, can she do this? does the 2 months he lived with me help my case in trying to get him back?? im in Tn.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 07 February 2013 15:50 posted by Guest

    Things seem to be going: Things seem to be going downhill, not every day but every once in a while and I'm one of those that likes to plan ahead.
    If we were ever to get a divorce I would LOVE to know who the custody of our 1 yr old would go to.
    I am 22 my husband is 20
    we are living with my parents since we are saving up to soon get our own place....I hope
    He works I don't but only because I choose to stay with ur son rather than a stranger care for him in his most important years
    I could get a job if i put my head into it.
    I do have side jobs however selling plates of food twice a months and offering spa treatments and facials which make me more than enough to support me and my son.
    I care for my son 24/7
    i feed him, take him to doc. appointments, change his diapers (Thing my husband will do twice three times a day if im lucky, but he will NEVER change or clean poop thing he has said himself) i bathe him....anything he needs you name it im there.
    I never go ANYWHERE without him even if my husband has a day off...not like he offers to keep him anyhow...

    If we were ever to split i would get a night job since my son is still being nursed (one more reason why he needs me)
    and pay my mom for child care
    If we were to separate my husband is bound to move down the street with his parents ...i know go figure...his parents also house his brother his ex-wife o.O and their three kids
    His brother is violent and his ex whom lives with him is on probation
    they are unstable they split and get back together got married divorced and got back together but not married.
    My husband doesn't have a fixed schedule meaning most of the time he would be gone leaving our son to the care of his parents who are IN NO condition to be caring for him.
    I have been around when they care for my husbands brother's other kid and i just don't like what i see to the point my ex-ex-sister in law will no longer be allowing visitations.

    I am really concerned as to if a divorce were to occur, under the law would I have a higher chance of gaining full custody?

    PLEASE someone let me know.
    Also what kind of evidence can i gather up for an unfortunate future in order for the court to understand where i am coming from.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 07 February 2013 15:48 posted by Guest

    What if...: Things seem to be going downhill, not every day but every once in a while and I'm one of those that likes to plan ahead.
    If we were ever to get a divorce I would LOVE to know who the custody of our 1 yr old would go to.
    I am 22 my husband is 20
    we are living with my parents since we are saving up to soon get our own place....I hope
    He works I don't but only because I choose to stay with ur son rather than a stranger care for him in his most important years
    I could get a job if i put my head into it.
    I do have side jobs however selling plates of food twice a months and offering spa treatments and facials which make me more than enough to support me and my son.
    I care for my son 24/7
    i feed him, take him to doc. appointments, change his diapers (Thing my husband will do twice three times a day if im lucky, but he will NEVER change or clean poop thing he has said himself) i bathe him....anything he needs you name it im there.
    I never go ANYWHERE without him even if my husband has a day off...not like he offers to keep him anyhow...

    If we were ever to split i would get a night job since my son is still being nursed (one more reason why he needs me)
    and pay my mom for child care
    If we were to separate my husband is bound to move down the street with his parents ...i know go figure...his parents also house his brother his ex-wife o.O and their three kids
    His brother is violent and his ex whom lives with him is on probation
    they are unstable they split and get back together got married divorced and got back together but not married.
    My husband doesn't have a fixed schedule meaning most of the time he would be gone leaving our son to the care of his parents who are IN NO condition to be caring for him.
    I have been around when they care for my husbands brother's other kid and i just don't like what i see to the point my ex-ex-sister in law will no longer be allowing visitations.

    I am really concerned as to if a divorce were to occur, under the law would I have a higher chance of gaining full custody?

    PLEASE someone let me know.
    Also what kind of evidence can i gather up for an unfortunate future in order for the court to understand where i am coming from.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 05 February 2013 15:31 posted by Guest

    i need help: Hello. I am freaking out my ex still lives in same house as me but is moving an hour away and expects me to move or ill only see them on weekends. We have joint custody now because I'm not silly. I want my kids to stay in the same house as me and school and friends and all that. She is trying to move as far away as she can. Can she do that? Can she just take the kids and not go to court? I need help!!!

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 04 February 2013 21:29 posted by Guest

    a letter wont do much. its: a letter wont do much. its real simple. after the child is born go to your local county court house and file for child custody. youll sit down with a mediator and go over everything from who has custody visitation and child support. if you two dont agree youll be sent before a judge and the judge will make the final decision. if you agree to everything with the mediator the judge just signs off on it and its a legal court order. best of luck

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 04 February 2013 12:39 posted by Guest

    parents took my daughter: Hi my case is different then many of the ones I read. My grandparents raised me my entire life. I was an only child and my "mom" came and went as she pleased. The only time I lived with my "mom" was when she moved into her boyfriends who was emotionally and physically violent towards my "mother" and I. We lived there for about 1yr before it got to the point he broke my "moms" car window out. We moved back with my grandparents were always my true parents. After maybe a month of her boyfriend going to counseling, she moved back in and I stayed with my grandparents. My grandmother drove me back and forth to school everyday on top of working. I was in figure skating and my poor grandma would get up at 5am take me to the rink then i would get ready and she would drive me to school. I started working before I was 15 and at that time I ended up getting pregnant at 17 and had my daughter at 18. My mom at first actually acted like a mom when she found out. Obviously I cried and was scared because I didn't know what I was gonna do to raise this presious baby growing inside me. I ended up going to my "mom" and her bf house after she was born. I was a great mom at first untill my "mom" started losing her eyesight and was no longer able to drive. Once she was home all the time she would take over, I couldn't do anything right. I started working at a bar so I could support my child without anyone throwing up stuff an my face. I started working at the bar and then started staying out and partying to get away from my mother. she would encourage my reckless behavior, getting my daugter up in the morning, bringing me water from drinking so much. I ended up going to rehab on my own when I was 20 which my grandma found, took me, and made sure I had what I needed. My "parents" tried to get me to sign over my daughter for insurance reasons which I said no too. My "mom" came one time and brought my daughter to see me. I had 2 days before I completed in patient when my counselor came and told me to pack my stuff and go get my daughter because my "parents" were gonna take her to Arkansas. Thank God for my grandma calling because my daughter may not know me at all. I completed rehab, my "mom" and her bf went to my grandparents who lived in a single trailer with my aunt and her daughter and told her she could have us and all the shit that came with us. I started working at a pizza place down the st. and met my boyfriend who we ended up moving in with and are toghether still to this day. We have always lived in Michigan our entire lives. My "Parents' moved to Arkansas about 9yrs ago. Every since they moved they would come up for our 4th of July party and take her back with them. I would fly down and bring her back with me. We did this for yrs... Then my grandparents passed away withen less then 2yrs of each other. I started going down on spring break and would take my lil cousin as well as my daughter every yr, or one of her friends would go down with us. I started staying longer and longer over the summer break when I would go down after my daughter. I was trying to build somewhat of a realationship with my "mom" since we were both adults and they are getting older. The summer of 2011 I grabbed my 17yr old daughter outta some guys trailer and took her to Arkansas with me. We had so much fun and stayed over a month. My "mom" didn't want me to leave because I help her on the farm and her and my stepfather don't fight as much because I'm down there to help. He hates animals and all they do is fight to the point to where it can turn violent. The last week of April I had a seizure outta know where and my daughter seen it. She screamed and said please don't let my mom die, I can't live without my mom, if she dies I'll kill myself. I have never been sick, ever. Exactly 1 week later I was back at the hospital because I caught double pnuemonia and sepsis. they gave me a 50/50 chance. She flew up but missed her plane and was supposed to stay to help me until my 13yr old daughter got out of school. I seen her 3 times and she left. We were all in therepy and my stepdad came, visited with his side and I was wearry to let her go as I had multiple doc appointments to go to. We talked to her counselor about her going and she said that was fine they would pick up where they left off. I was hospitalized on the 29th for edema and my blood work came back high having to do with my heart. I did a stress test and was released the next day. On July 30th They went to an attorney who claimed my daughter was incapacitated and made accusations that I was unfit and filled an ex parte for temporary gaudianship. I could prove 90% were lies that I sent to the judge. I didn't have money for an attorney and Michigan court refused to take jurisdiction and dismissed my case on a clerical error. They never talked to my daughter as she wasn't even at the court house nor did I even have a chance to speak. 2 days after they were back in Arkansas my daughter got raped by a 21 yr old who not only stole her innocence but gave her an std. The cops were called and the guys neice punched my daughter in the face for him going to jail. It's a very small rural area with 1 elementry school and one highschool. She has been harrassed, and just last Friday got attacked again. She wants to come home but the judge rewarded gaurdianship to my parents because we were less then 2hrs late. I called the clerk at 8:15 am and let her know we ran into construction and an accident and please let the judge know. She said it should be know problem... When we got there Judge Weaver gave gaurdianship to my Mother only and my daughter never had an adl litem. She started cutting herself, threating sucide and is falling school. When we got to the court house the judge was still there and so were my "parents" attorney we sat and waited for the judge to finish his last case before lunch, he went into his chambers and snuck out a back door and went to lunch.We drove over her 800 miles for no reason. We've never had cps, ss, or truancy problems. I volunteered through out elementry and was still involved when she went to jr. high. The judge in Arkansas didn't follow Arkansas rules. I'm still seeing doctors and can't afford $5000. My":mother" knew she was in no harm but instead used her grandaughter at all cost to try an force me to move down there. If she was in so much harm why didn't they go through the proper channels in Oakland County Mi since they were here twice and file gaurdianship here. They should have never went ahead with this case since they did not have jurisdiction, They sent her biological fathers papers to my house which I couldn't sign for and neither could he because it was sent to my address. They knowingly lied and no matter what happends to my daughter my "mom" don't care because it was never about her, it was about me and her! I need help before it's too late... Please anyone that reads this point me in the right direction. She has caused emotional, physical harm to my daughter and me. I have never been away from my daughter for more than a couple weeks and it's killing both of us.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 02 February 2013 18:14 posted by Guest

    Advice about Custody of my unborn Daughter.: Hi. Im 23 years old and my boyfriend 27 and myself have been together for a little over a year. I'm seven months pregnant if he writes a letter saying I have primary custody of our unborn daughter will it hold up in court? He's getting ready to move out because he hasn't had a job in over a year and I can't afford to support him as well as buy everything needed for our daughter. I plan on breaking up with him when he leaves as well. I have a reliable job taking care of my disabled father which I've been doing for over a year. I just need to know if a letter like that would hold up if he tried taking off with her after she's born. I just need to know if it'll holds up for police officers as well as court.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 31 January 2013 00:32 posted by Guest

    schools?: me and my ex cant agree on schools for our 4 year old and enrollment is soon. she wants to send him to a private school but all i keep seeing online are bad reviews of the school she wants. and she also wants me to give up some of my custody. there is a public school not but 4 miles from my house and it have all great reviews from different websites but she wont even consider it. oh and me and my current wife have a 2 almost 3 year old that is his brother. will the courts rule in her favor and split them up or give him to me? we live about 30 miles apart in different school dist. i provide all health care as well any thoughts? we currently have 50/50 legal and physical.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 29 January 2013 02:01 posted by Guest

    Help me: Hi everyone I need advice!!
    I have been with my bf for almost 6 years and we have a 8 mo together. We live together in mb Canada and things have gone south! He always threatense that if he leave he's taking her to! I tell him that if he wants her he would have to see me in court! I have been the primary care giver to both her and my other child who is 10. The house we rent is my moms and I'm on mat leave he works full time. How can I get him to leave without it turning dirty and without taking her too? He leaves for hours at a time and hasn't been there for us for months! HELP PLEASE

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 27 January 2013 10:18 posted by Guest

    child custody: me and my x part ways in aug 2010. i moved and had my daughter 1 week and one week with her mother but no court order. she also has another child not from me. in dec of 2010 her sister told me she was going to take her daughter because she is addicted to meth.(the mother) she suggested i take my daughter and i did.in may of 2011 i had to move in with a friend and had no other place to take her so i gave her back to mother. in aug of 2011 i moved into my own place and i told her mother that you are on drugs and u sell drugs she is staying with me u dont like it take me to court, but she never took me to court. in septemer 2011 the mother went to jail for possion for sales of meth and served 16 months county prison. she was released in june 0f 2012 and begged me to come back to my house she wanted to start over. i thought about it and said ok we can work out our problems for the benefit of our daughter. her other daughter continues to live with her sister as that is where she wants to be and not with her mother. her sister lets her come over on the weekends to visit. in september of 2012 i suspected she was using meth again but did not say anything as not to alert her so she would be caught. i found a letter on the floor written by her to a friend stating she has been doing meth for 2 months and hes not suspecting anything. i confront her about the letter and she n ever admits its about meth and changing her story about the letter always changes. i kick her out instantly and she never calls daughter or when she visits its like shes just here to relax not to really see her. when she calls its to ask me for money or something else. daughter lives with me and told her she can come visit on weekends but never does. if she visits she just shows up so i cant say no or were busy today. she is not allowed to see other child because sister say so not cause of courts. i have kept a diary of all contact with mother. her last boyfriend was a 3 week relationship that ended after he was found guilty of possion for sales of heroin. she still denies any drug useage. what are my chances of getting full custody. she has no job no money no car and lives in a parked rv with no utilities.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 27 January 2013 06:59 posted by Guest

    You can call legal aid. Free: You can call legal aid. Free attorneys for low income.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 25 January 2013 14:55 posted by Guest

    i need help badly!: In 2006 My X husband and I split up due to a affair he was having he moved in with her. We was together 13 years and have 5 children well I made a horrible choice to use methinphedamines somebody turned me into cps and they took my 5 children to foster care. I woke up and realized I just lost my whole world "my ex " leaving wasn't nothing compared to losing my children. I did everything I could to get them back the strictest meetings passed daily drug screens etc well my x husband said if I give him custody then cps would be out of the picture and I could have them back I agreed to it of coarse and I signed full physical custody to him. I got the kids back 90% the time they was with me I started a job working from 1pm to 1 am 6 days a week so they stayed w there dad for about six months and I found a better 1st shift job so I could have the kids back my oldest son stayed w his dad as the other 4 stayed w me. Since 2008 I have had all my kiddos even my oldest because there dad went to prison for manufacturing meth burglary and escape he got out in 08/11 and marries my mother n law he would give me 75.00 a week sometimes but would go months without a dime and there's nothin I can do because I need a lawyer I can't afford a lawyer supporting 5 children alone exp. He is on his 3rd divorce currently strung out on meth and pain pills and I knw there has to be a way I can get court order support. I live n Indiana please someone help me. Is there anything I can do to get court offered support

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 23 January 2013 15:43 posted by Guest

    Similar Situation...: My fiance has similar situations...is the non custodial parent to his daughter and he gets her every other weekend and 1 time during the week. They filed their divorce papers on 1/24/12. She got primary custodian, He pays her $600 per month child support, as well as splitting the daycare which is $100.00 biweekly and she gets to claim her every year at tax time as a dependent. What this also means is, whatever he pays in for daycare he is not able to claim because you have to claim the child as a dependent before you can get any childcare credit back in a refund.

    Her mother is remarried and has been since June 2012. He has 3 children ages 15 (girl), 10 (girl), and 6 (boy). He has shared custody of his children and they are with him 7 full days a week and then they're with their mother 7 full days in rotation as so. In addition the the children they already have including my fiance's daughter, they have a new baby (boy) due May 9th. (I know...they didn't waste any time) The problem is, is they have a 1200 square foot house; 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom where the children ranging in different ages are sharing 2 bedrooms of the 3. They have my fiance's daughter sharing a room with the 6 yr old boy and the two older girls sharing a room. When he's addressed this issue she has stated that while his children are there for the week, his son sleeps in the room with the older daughter but that his bed and belongings are in the room with my fiance's daughter. Which we thought was kind of strange? That child would never be able to sleep in his own bed when he visits with his Daddy a week at a time? So...this has been an issue of concern. The fact that they do not have adequate housing for a family this size as well as adding a new baby. They don't even have the capacity to hold them all at one time to travel anywhere...they have to take 2 vehicles to go anywhere as a family. I know that things are expensive etc and some people just can't afford it, but he doesn't pay child support since he shares custody and she drives a 5 passenger lexus suv and they planned this baby so...they knew what they were doing...

    The other issues are not sending jackets for her to wear even when going to daycare and it's 30 degrees. The biggest of all is the fact that he was driving down a main road that leads to their road in his work truck and he happens to look down the road and see her on her bike in the middle of the road with what looked like no supervision...as any concerned parent would do, he immediately turned his truck around to see if she was with her mother. As he approached the house, he sees his daughter and no one else but her 6 year old step-brother. He asked the little boy to please go in and get her mother. When she came out, she had an astonished look on her face. He asked her what she was doing playing outside by herself? She didn’t reply to his question so he proceeded to let her know that he found her in the road riding her bike and she turned and looked at their daughter and said, “what are you doing in that road, you know better than that?” He told her, that she was only 3 years old and needed adult supervision any time she is outside playing. She is not capable of comprehending the dangers of playing outside by herself, let alone in the road. A 6 year old does not have the responsibility or maturity level to watch her by himself either. He's also had people that live in her neighborhood tell him that they have seen her in the road riding her bike at different times.

    Then last but not least there have been times when his daughter has said things like, “I don’t ever get to see my Mama, or I haven’t seen my Mama in a long time.” When he asks her why, the responses were because she spent the night with her “Grandma” (her mother) or with her “Mimi” (her grandmother). Giving the age that she is this gives her more than the “normal” separation anxiety and is not in a routine where she should be with either her mother or with her daddy during the school/work week. This is a concern for us and appears that maybe her mother being the primary custodial parent is too much for her to handle. There have been times that she has told us that her step-father yells at her. This too bothers him and myself very much and he's also addressed this with her mother and told her yelling at her to get her to do something was inappropriate parenting and that he’d rather she and him stick to the discipline of their daughter.

    Needless to say the bike deal was the straw that broke the camel's back and he's meeting with his lawyer as we speak to amend the papers for shared custody, child support, daycare expenses and rotating the years to claim her as a dependent so that it's fair for both of them and then she's better off as well...we think...so I guess we will see what happens...I know I didn't really answer your question but like myself it's good to see that others are going through the same issues and feel helpless. I hope you and I both find some answers soon and get some help with these delicate issues...good luck.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 23 January 2013 02:13 posted by Guest

    you need to file before he does.: I'm n the same exact situation you have. I used to reside in California where my son was born but afyer his first year i left his abusive father and moved bavk to Florida (my home town). We had a verbal agreement that my son was able to ho see him every summer,so i never took him to court or did anything in writting,,the first year was find my son got picked up in FL NY his Dad and 2 months later i went and.picked him up in Ca. The following year we the same but this.time he wanted my son to stay longer,i agreed that was the worst.mistake of my life,he then went to CA family court asking for sole.custody without me knowing.whenui arrived to pick my son up i got served with court orders and i was unable to take my son out of the state until seen a judge in court. This was in march and court was svhedule for he didn't even let me see my son and i had to return back.to .FL i hired a.lawyer from CA abd even tho my son had lived with me in FL and had gone to daycare in Fl,and i had a good job,my own house and no history of problems.the CA court gave primary custody to him. And visitation for me to see my son a week at a time whenever i was in CA also i had to notify his dad 2 weekd in advance if i was bringing my son to FL on vacation i was allowed just 1 week. And there inly reason was because the judge said that afyer 6 mo.in the state of.California they have the jurisdiction over the child and that because my child was 3 yrs old at.that time he was already adjusted to his dad and his grandmother and they couldn't take him out of that comfort zone that thay wouldn't be good for the child. in march is going to be a year since this night mare startwd for me,he doesn't even follow court orders and im going to take him to court soon for that and also for not letting me bring my son on vacation to Fl. So my best advice for.you is to go the court wherw your son and his fatjer reside and acuse hin of kidnapping your son and you want sole custody,explain that.you don't reside therw and he is not letting you see your son. don't wait.to long the.longer you wait the harder it qould get. Good luck. And never give up!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 23 January 2013 00:52 posted by Guest

    So I have a baby he's 4: So I have a baby he's 4 months. My ex doesn't take care of him he doesn't give me any money for him. Thank god I have sum help from de government like stamps and wic. I don't work but I'm seeking for a job. The thing is a want to go to court and see if I can get the whole custody of my child but since I don't have a job I don't now what to do :(

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 21 January 2013 17:21 posted by Guest

    Joint Legal Custody Advice: My husband and I have 50/50 custody of his 6 year old daughter. Her mother lives 3 houses down from her parents (my step-daughter's grandparents) and we are finding out that she is spending most if not all of her time with them instead of mom. It is extremely frustrating knowing this and feeling like we can't do anything about it. Our view on the situation is if her mother doesn't want to spend that time with her, then she should be with us. I know my step-daughter is being taken care of physically and that is not a concern whatsoever, but there is no stability there. Not to mention the fact that there is no discipline either; we are very old school (manners, sir, ma'am, ect.) and it is complete opposite on the other side. Before pursuing anything with the courts, I wanted to see if anyone had any advice or had been in the same situation. Also a little more background, a new boyfriend has now moved into the mother's house; she met this man in November and he moved into her home in December. He has two children of his own (ages 6 and 3) that he sees every other weekend. From what we understand, his sons end up sleeping in the same room as my step-daughter being that the house only has two bedrooms. I think it's completely inappropriate for these two BOYS to be sleeping in her room with her regardless of their ages.

    Like I said, any advice would be so greatly appreciated! We know in our hearts that it is completely in the best interest of my step-daughter to be with us full time, but we just need to prove it and get some guidance as to how. Thanks so much in advance for responses!

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 20 January 2013 21:58 posted by Guest

    UCCJEA: Having gone down this road that you are on I want to tell you that if the child was born in Massachusetts and you have reamined in that state according to the UCCJEA ( Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act) Massachusetts is the home state and any modifications to child custody under this law are to be made in Massachesetts. Check out the UCCJEA and get an attorney.
    Hoping all goes well.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 20 January 2013 16:22 posted by Guest

    Yes, Same thing happened with: Yes, Same thing happened with my ex and I. When the court found out that our son was in fact staying the night with his parents, while he was at work(He too worked odd hours) on his time to have with him too. The court will always want the child to be with the other parent before grandparents, baby sitters etc especially over night.. Yes, he is most likely doing it for child support reasons considering they are based upon over nights. My ex did this too for that reason, and it dramatically effected child support. Go after him for custody, because you will win if it is for that reason.You are the childs Mother, and he should be with you before anyone else.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 20 January 2013 00:52 posted by Guest

    Using Grandma to avoid child support: My husband and I have just filed for a legal separation. He wants 50/50 custody but he works until 10 p.m at night so his mom ends up having our kids on 2 or more of his days (3-4 per wk). I feel there is no reason they need to stay at Grandma's for those nights when they can be with their mother. I think he is doing it so he can avoid child support. Does this give me a good case for primary custody?

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 19 January 2013 20:58 posted by Guest

    help: My son is 3 years old the father has full custody I allowed it because I was going to college and very busy I asked for joint but he said he needed full to get benifits so I agreed. Well he is from south Carolina we live in Massachusetts our son was born here and has been here his whole life. I have set visations every week. He plans on moving back to south Carolina with our son . Can he do that ??? I'll never see him again

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 18 January 2013 23:31 posted by Guest

    Can i get full custody of my daughter: My daughter's father and I were never married and are no longer together. My daughter is now a year old. Her father wanted so bad for me to get an abortion when I found out I was pregnant with her, he wasn't present for thebirth of her and didn't see her until over a week after she was born. Within this y ear he has missed her first birthday,thanksgiving,Halloween and only had her for 2hours on Christmas her very first Christmas he didn't see her at all. This year for Christmas all he got.her was a couple stuffed animals. He has 2 sons from a prior marriage and they are everything to him compared to my daughter. He chooses to only have her for a couple hours every Tuesday and Thursday as long as something else doesn't come up. He was supposed to take her for a few hour's tomorrow and just because I asked him to pick her up and drop her back off to me he won't take her and is now threatening us going to court to get 50/50 custody. I would pike myself to go for full custody because he isn't and hasn't made much effort to be a dad to her. What are the chances that I could get awarded full?

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 18 January 2013 18:11 posted by Guest

    worried sick: I left my abusive ex boyfriend over a year ago and now he wants joint custody of my 2 year old daughter. I was served papers at work (i'm currently due to have a baby in 2 days) about 2 months ago requesting a paternity test, me to pay his lawyer fees, give him the income tax money I should be awarded for the year I had her in my sole custody, and he is asking for joint custody. He strangled me and nearly killed me but I was never served and had no idea when the court date was. So I called the DA who would not reopen the case because I was a "waste of time and money". So his DV case has now been dismissed. I know for a fact that he is a drug addict and an unfit parent but I'm worried because his family has money and they have always been able to turn the court in their favor. I wish the system where I lived wasn't so biased. I'm tired of the justice system being a load of crap. To top it all off, I've been running around like crazy trying every means possible to prevent him from getting any custody of my child. I'm beginning to wonder if I should take my daughter and leave but I know this is a matter where I will just have to stand up for her and fight. I'm due to give birth to a second child in 2 days and have no idea how I'm going to be able to handle a toddler, a newborn, a job, and all of this stress.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 17 January 2013 13:44 posted by Guest

    My son's father lives in another state and I want to go to court: I let my son visit his father in another state which i live in a different state. My son has always lived with me but this time his father wont give me back my son. we have no custody agreement and dont have a court order how can i take my son's father to court its been 6 months and i cant see my 4 year old son because he wont let me.Can I take him to court even though we live in two different states?

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 16 January 2013 08:21 posted by Guest

    my ex turned into a woman after the divorce: I know i cannot say it's the gender change that is bad for our son but its the known drug addicts and transgender halfway houses "she" hangs out with while our son is in "her" care. The boyfriend and "her" were witnessed fighting last weekend over the live in boyfriend using bathsalts. This same boyfriend is also a newly recovering heroin addict but this witness said, asking me not to repeat it, said the track marks were fresh on the boyfriend's arms. My ex uses this man to watch our son to save money on childcare. My ex also said that the boyfriend is a panhandler but stated that our son does not go with the boyfriend when he begs for money. Freaked out here because i have had bipolar (SMI) since I was 17, i am 35 now, but i take my medication. My ex had been diagnosed bipolar before the gender change and now has a letter from the doc saying that "she" does not need meds and shows no signs of mental health symptoms, however "she" is still labeled SMI, seriously mentally ill, in the system. Not easy to get that removed. (I know the system and people usually can get docs to write notes to say what anything)
    Can I get my son full time? I am still willing to have my ex see our son on like every other weekend if they stay at home maybe. dont know what to do.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 13 January 2013 14:31 posted by Guest

    Child support: Hello, my husband has two kids from his previous marriage. His one son who is 16 called my husband asking if he could move in with us, he wants to wait till the end of the school year. My husband's ex wife said we still have to pay her for child support, but I was thinking since she has one kid and we have one we wouldnt. Im confused on how thos works, they got divorce in IL but we live in TN. Please help me, thanks!!

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 13 January 2013 00:00 posted by Guest

    Quick Question: I have a friend who is still legally married to this woman; has a child with her, who had an affair and had a child as a result of the affair. To this day they are still married and not even legally separated from this person. The father of the second child is now in jail for abusing his child. My friend is now going for custody of his child, the question is could my friend get custody of the other child from her other relationship, even though he is not the father?

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 10 January 2013 08:58 posted by Guest

    my ex has custody but my kids don't live with her: My ex wife has custody of our two girls but they don't live with her. She tries to take my time with my kids we have joint legal custody but she tells me nothing about my kids doctors school or anything we are suspose to talk about her family gets to see my kids more then I and my time is always cut short what can I do about it please don't know what to do

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 03 January 2013 14:26 posted by Guest

    worried: My daughter is almost 15 months. I was with her genetic contributor for a brife couple months and when i got pregers i tried to stick with him but he wouldnt stop the drugs, the lying, the drinking. I began to realize i didnt know who this man was or what he was capable of he had us living in a motel room. me without access to see a doc or anything when i tried to confront him or to get help he got erratic threatening to kill himself and it was my fault cause he was going to be a rockstar and i ruined it for him and just really dramatic and scary. i told him i was leaving at 4 months he said he didnt want her, he wanted to abort her or adopt her out cause he didnt want anyone else to rais his kid even if he didnt want to. At 6 months pregnt he finally got back ahold of me saying we did our duty to breed and we are eternally bonded and a bunch of other poor me physco babble. His mental stability is only on the surface. I have not heard from him since then. I am remarried now to my highschool sweetheart he has been there since the moment she was born the only father she knows. I heard froma mutual friend that hes trying to get custody i dont see how he can if hes never seen her touched her supported her he dont even know how to spell her name or her birthday. we live states away. Im concernd about his ability to manipulate ppl into feeling sorry for him and helping him its how he has made it through his whole life the man is 32 and has yet to hold a job down for longer than a couple months or stay sober. What can i do to stop him from draggin my family through this me and my husband are considering adoption any suggestions??

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 30 December 2012 11:45 posted by Guest

    child custody: my kids father has my three children 7,6 and 4 years old. we are going to court now. my children are telling the court that they seen me having sex with my ex boyfriend. i dont know what to do. am not a monster, i wouldnt do something that bad in front of my babies. my kids father also dont let me talk to them. i feel in my heart that he is trying to make the kids hate me. am so scared that i loose my babies to him. i had them all of their lifes. most of the time i was alone with them i mean he was always living us, he was coming and going for years. i try my best to give the the things they needed. when they got sick or hurt, am there. my legal aid lawyer is not doing his job. so my question is, who can help me fight this case, and what should i do? i not a bad mom, is nothing i wouldnt do for them, i will go to the end of the world for them. thank you.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 25 December 2012 00:20 posted by Guest

    nervous: my children are adopted, my former same sex spouse and I adopted them together in 2004 and 2005. Upon there arrival, I became a stay at home parent, and have been since then. Then in 2007 in the midst of our third adoption, he left us. He was arrested for domestic violence toward me, and spent a year in anger management. Now, in 2012, after 5 long years he has decided that he wants sole physical custody, wants me to pay him child support, while he claims both children on his taxes, leaving me with every other weekend and one evening per week for 4 hours!
    Our children have been in a 50/50 arrangement, and I asked them point blank, what would you like, how can I make life easier... They both say they like things the way they are. He is accusing me of being unfit, however right before this he took off to PR for 10 days. I believe that joint everything is best, and it serves what our children want to see happen. If there has never ever been any issue until now, and I am more than willing to work with him however I can.... Could he actually win? In our family, I play the maternal role, stay home, read, teach them about adoption etc... tuck them in. Now out of no where, im totally unfit and he should be in control. If this happends, he stands to gain a substantial increase in come, by not paying me the 1/4 of what the court ordered, id be paying it to him, he claims taxes and all exemptions, he runs the show basically. He filed bankruptsy and if he has more dependents, he has to repay less. The entire offer is ridiculous, and reads MONEY all over it. Also, I am about to adopt another baby, with my new partner. I am scared to breath, bc he threatens me, and esssentially wants control over my life. Please any suggestions/advice.... Would a court change an order that has worked well for everyone for five years just because he wants it changed? He does earn more money than I do, I stay home with them still. Will the court see his unreasonable nature of requests? I am afraid my attorney may not be acting fast enough..... Also, if anyone can recommend anything I can do to better my chances with the court, please advice. I have a small family, and we keep to ourselves. I never interfer with his time....

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 12 December 2012 13:20 posted by Guest

    family viollence: Hi, I just found out my ex husband has been charged twice with family violence while being in his next relationship. During our divorce I brought up his abuse and the judge said I had to have proof of it, and dismissed my claim. In the three years since our divorce he has called maybe four to five times to speak with the kids,all other times he call to speak to me about his current relationships and after the kids have gone to bed. I tell him it's not my place and that I feel uncomfortable with these phone calls and I hang up. His mother also barely ever calls to speak with the children, and wants me to give her his visitation rights. I have told her I'm uncomfortable as I don't know the laws regarding it. My issue is this, his act of violence was in front of his other children, he was required to go to jail, and do a years worth of anger management classes, none of which he has completed. I don't want my children around him, I worry for their safety. Though I don't mind his family. I have tried to work out an agreement with his mother, like a weekend get away or something where he won't be able to interfere. Can I be held in contempt for not letting him see the kids during Christmas. Also on another note he is in arrears with his child support.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 18 November 2012 01:27 posted by Guest

    My son is 6 years old and my: My son is 6 years old and my son has been with me since he was born premature his father has not once wanted anything to do with him until I started getting child support and now he wants to get custody

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 07 November 2012 05:21 posted by Guest

    Ex now wants joint custody of our children: My ex has decided that he wants joint custody of our two children. We have been separated nearly two years and during this period he has had them approximately 3 nights a week. I don't believe this is in the best interest of my children and wondering what the courts opinion would be. Any thoughts appreciated. Thanks

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 02 November 2012 19:34 posted by Guest

    It must be admissible to your: It must be admissible to your case as in it has to be something that affects your child like domestic violence towards you or child etc or anything that could harm the child.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 02 November 2012 19:22 posted by Guest

    NONE AT ALL!!!! I am going: NONE AT ALL!!!! I am going through the same thimg with my EX and when he finally saw he could not get me to get back to him he filed a legitimation case against me in oct and i am waiting to go to court. He is battling alcohol so i will nip it in his butt!

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 25 October 2012 18:29 posted by Guest

    Custody: My ex husband is mad because im dating somebody that our daughter is around. He is trying to sue for full custody and has tried to kill himself and been admitted into a mental hospital. He is trying to prove me unfit and has called social services on me before of course they quickly closed the case because all he has against me is the fact that im dating someone else. I dont know what to do and what his chances are of getting full custody of my daughter with his mental background and also his mother whom he lives with has also done the same thing. What are the chances of him getting joint or full custody of my daughter?

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 24 July 2012 19:29 posted by Guest

    should i file for sole custody : My daughter's dad is a dear "friend" but a horrible father to our daughter the only time he sees, talks to or has anything to do with her life is when his mother asks for her for one week during summer vacation . Recently I've come to realize if something happens to me I do not trust him to take care of her. I did mention to him that I was considering sole custody . He said not to do it for his sake . I do not work as of right now but he does. I dnt think as a father he is a good man but I do not want to put him or my daughter thru a custody battle but I do jot feel he should be able to make life altering decisions in her life if he doesn't even know her middle name . My family and friends say to file for sole custody should I do it if I'm jot comfortable or should I because its what's best for my daughter ?

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 11 August 2011 06:48 posted by Guest

    I'm in your shoes now. My: I'm in your shoes now. My STBX did that. He wanted me to also pay him the daycare $$ to him "so he could pay it for me". Wanted retroactive child support going back to point we were still living together, etc.

    These are not the old school me some of us were raised by. This is a new generation who is turning the tables on women for $$. Why? Well, IMHO

    a) ego. If you left him, anyway he can crush you publicly is ok
    b) ensuring you finance his lifestyle and not the other way around (e.g., gambling, women, etc)
    c) form of control...this is esp in cases where there was abuse and you are breaking free from it

    I got some sage advice from my brother in regards to men like this - publicity. Very few respect a man who is willing to use their children for $$. Make sure all know the deal whether he wins the case or not. Also note who is really watching the kids.

    I did that and in return, I found some interesting tidbits on how the potential $$ was going to be spent and just who is really watching the kids in my case. The court of public opinion is often not used enough.

  • Comment Link Sherry Monday, 08 August 2011 23:55 posted by Sherry

    Playing Games: My husband was initially willing to concede to joint legal custody and leaving me the residential parent. The kids have not spent one night with him since we separated. Now he wants joint physical custody where we split days and nights. He is in hopes that he will be awarded child support if he has the kids 50% of the time. Am I crazy or is he using the kids as a means to an end?

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 19 June 2011 00:14 posted by Guest

    Parenting a child after a: Parenting a child after a divorce is an unenvious situation. Sure, two parents who are dedicated to the task at hand can provide a loving environment that the child feels comfortable in despite the unideal circumstances. However, even if the child is ok, there could be things going on behind the scenes that are not agreeable for one or both of the parental parties. It is during these moments that one wonders how these two people ever had a http://lovetips.me.uk/ways-to-heal-your-relationship">healthy relationship. Just because a marriage does not work out, does not mean that one or both parent should stop parenting, or create a hostile environment in which a child is caught amongst the quarreling. Ideally, both parents would remain present and positive influences in the lives of their child.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 24 September 2010 11:36 posted by Guest

    judge and support: My ex husband makes 6 figures, recently, he was informed about another child who is 20 in NY. He went to court in NJ and after we have a PSA the Judge ruled that our first legal child will in fact have her support decreased. I have spoken to numerous attorneys aho have all said that the first child cannot be affected by this new child. This Judge is horrible and unjust. I am so angry at this court system. Any advice.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 27 May 2010 14:37 posted by Guest

    custody: my sons father left me while i was pregnant, married someone else on my due date. he now pays child support. my son is 8mths old. he sees is father anytime he wants but he doesnt spend the night at his father's house. his father doesnt want me to meet his new wife, come to his house to see what type of environment he's living in and he told me i dont need to know where my son is at or who watches him, as long as he has him. my son father is now taking me to court for joint legal custody and visitation. what would be the outcome of all of this. he has a criminal record(which he spent 2yrs in jail for misdeameanor crimes) but its from 1989-2002 can i use this against him in court along with other evidence that i have