Divorce is always painful. Even if you are the leaving party, the last months or years of an unraveling relationship take their toll on self-esteem and the ability to give and accept love and sex. If someone left you unexpectedly, the toll on your self-image can be more devastating.
The natural reaction is to hide and tend to one's wounds for awhile — and in many cases, that is a realistic and appropriate thing to do.
But there comes a time to stop all that and reclaim one's womanliness, one's sexuality, and one's bliss and fun in life.
My Rx is to go out and date, flirt, and see where it all leads — hopefully, eventually, to bed. I do think the best cure for a wounded heart is to re-engage in the world — and, if not find a new love, at least a new lover. There is much to be said about the healing properties of an orgasm.
A lover is just not that hard to find these days. Even if you are over fifty, even if you have thighs and a tummy, there is someone worthy out there who will adore you.
I am living proof of that statement. After my divorce from a 23-year marriage, I had to get back out there and put my body and ego on the line. While I had the advantage of being a sex/relationship researcher (and the relationship expert for Perfectmatch.com), it still isn't easy to start dating and mating again.
However, it was and is worthwhile. Sex was no less passionate than it had been in my twenties. My ego was actually more resilient. And good men and lovers (and love) were available too.
Online dating is a boon to older people and, while you may have to take an anthropological lens on some of your outings to find a way to enjoy some of your dates, eventually you will find someone special.
As for sex — we all need it. It keeps us young, excited about life, ecstatic and satisfied. And in the best of circumstances, it solidifies and deepens love. Why would we ever want to give it up if we didn't have to? And we don't have to. If you read my book Prime: Adventures and Advice about Sex, Love and the Sensual Years, you can see the ups and downs, but overall happiness, that dating in my fifties and sixties has brought me.
My way doesn't have to be your way — but the overall point is clear and can be shared: live large, meet people, connect with someone, embrace your sexuality and emotional passions at every age of the life cycle.
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