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From The Experts

We've gathered knowledgeable, dedicated divorce experts from a variety of fields to lend their advice and perspectives. Our experts include lawyers, healthcare professionals, certified professionals, and everyday women with insight into the topics that will help you stay empowered.

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Divorce is always painful. Even if you are the leaving party, the last months or years of an unraveling relationship take their toll on self-esteem and the ability to give and accept love and sex. If someone left you unexpectedly, the toll on your self-image can be more devastating.

The natural reaction is to hide and tend to one's wounds for awhile — and in many cases, that is a realistic and appropriate thing to do.

But there comes a time to stop all that and reclaim one's womanliness, one's sexuality, and one's bliss and fun in life.

My Rx is to go out and date, flirt, and see where it all leads — hopefully, eventually, to bed. I do think the best cure for a wounded heart is to re-engage in the world — and, if not find a new love, at least a new lover. There is much to be said about the healing properties of an orgasm.

A lover is just not that hard to find these days. Even if you are over fifty, even if you have thighs and a tummy, there is someone worthy out there who will adore you.

I am living proof of that statement. After my divorce from a 23-year marriage, I had to get back out there and put my body and ego on the line. While I had the advantage of being a sex/relationship researcher (and the relationship expert for Perfectmatch.com), it still isn't easy to start dating and mating again.

However, it was and is worthwhile. Sex was no less passionate than it had been in my twenties. My ego was actually more resilient. And good men and lovers (and love) were available too.

Online dating is a boon to older people and, while you may have to take an anthropological lens on some of your outings to find a way to enjoy some of your dates, eventually you will find someone special.

As for sex — we all need it. It keeps us young, excited about life, ecstatic and satisfied. And in the best of circumstances, it solidifies and deepens love. Why would we ever want to give it up if we didn't have to? And we don't have to. If you read my book Prime: Adventures and Advice about Sex, Love and the Sensual Years, you can see the ups and downs, but overall happiness, that dating in my fifties and sixties has brought me.

My way doesn't have to be your way — but the overall point is clear and can be shared: live large, meet people, connect with someone, embrace your sexuality and emotional passions at every age of the life cycle.

 

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3 comments

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 17 February 2013 21:06 posted by Guest

    You are so right!: I tried on line dating and gave up. Almost every man my age (late 40s/early 50s) listed women in their early 20s. Often women their age were the oldest they were willing to go. And they say things like, "Am interested in having more children." I cannot compete with 20 year olds.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 07 January 2013 14:30 posted by Guest

    Dating after separation/divorce: I am in the early stages of a legal separation after 22 years of marriage. My stranged husband finally announced that he was abandoning us. Just before Christmas. After three days of crying and being shellshocked, i felt a huge relief and i was happy, resolved to start a new and better life. Doing an online search i found MeetUp, an organization present in many cities and with lots of groups for every taste and activity (if you don't find what you like, you can start a new group too). I have joined a few of them, including 'Singles 45 plus'. I would think that the men in this group prefer mature women, because that is what they'll find. In my case, I like meeting others in the safety of a group, rather than having a date with a total stranger, which can be very akward. Just my two cents.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 10 August 2012 23:37 posted by Guest

    Sorry but don't agree: I have to disagree with this article. My ex-husband and I divorced after 21 years and I found myself at age 39 starting over. Despite the fact that I put myself out there, am not too hard on the eyes, and consider myself to be easy to talk to and adventurous, I found that men my age (well ANY age really) just want women my daughter's age, which is 21. Don't believe me? Try looking at the online dating sites and see what age ranges the men are putting down, regardless of their own age. It's ridiculous. And the really sad part of it is they end up getting these young girls with their "daddy issues". I've decided it's been much better to learn that I don't have to be part of a pair to be a whole person.