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Giving away our power and authority is something we learn early in life. Milestones in our life, including divorce, offer an excellent opportunity to reclaim it.

When I was asked to write for Firstwivesworld, I was excited to connect with you and share my passion — helping you create the financial success, the fun, freedom, and fulfillment you desire.

While I have helped tens of thousands of people do this, and have the professional credentials to do so, claiming my own authority is my most important qualification. And as necessary as it has been for helping me to create my life, finding and owning your authority will help you create yours.

It All Began On An Elevator

One of my most crucial life lessons began innocently enough in an elevator with a close friend when I was in my late twenties. The door to the elevator had closed and we weren't moving. Elaine said to me, "You didn't press the button." I nodded, mumbled, and pressed the button.

Sounds harmless, right? It wasn't. I had betrayed myself. Somewhere in me I knew I had pressed the button a few seconds earlier, but I didn't tell that to Elaine, and worse, I confused myself about what I knew. I had covered up my natural fluid knowing rather than disagree with my girlfriend.

It turned out to be a benchmark, one of those great life lessons learned. I had suffered this crime before in more substantial ways, but this time I finally "got it." By not immediately affirming what I knew, I had once again given away my authority, along with my knowingness.

We do this innocently, often, in so many ways, with so many people, most times without even realizing we're doing it. These little instances get bigger and bigger until we don't remember who we are, what we know, or how we feel. 

Breaking The Habit

Each of us has an innate knowledge that, if listened to and trusted, can empower and propel us through life. Unfortunately, we get into the habit of not knowing. So, how do you know when you're trusting your own wisdom?

Let's do a simple exercise. Close your eyes and think of an instance when you made a decision according to what you wanted. It needn't be an earth-shattering moment; it can be as simple as ordering from a restaurant menu. Notice how you feel: your breathing and your body is relaxed, you feel in sync. Now, think of a time when you made a decision based on someone's advice that you weren't comfortable with. Notice how you feel off, out of sync, your body and your breathing tighten.

Paying attention and listening to what you are communicating to yourself sounds simple but it's essential. Follow these basic steps and begin reclaiming your personal authority right now:

  • Pay attention to what your body is telling you, just as you did in the exercise. 
  • As you move through the day making choices, making decisions, listen to your body. Do you get an easy, comfortable, in-your-own-skin feeling or are you getting stressed out, tight, not-quite-right feeling?
  • When you think of following someone’s advice, ask yourself, “does it feel right?” Again, pay attention to your physical reaction.
  • Ask yourself if you would be more at peace following the advice of others or following what you believe to be true.

Divorce is most often painful and confusing. But it’s also one of the universe’s great doorways that opens to a new life. The power is already in you, it never left. Own it.


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