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From The Experts

We've gathered knowledgeable, dedicated divorce experts from a variety of fields to lend their advice and perspectives. Our experts include lawyers, healthcare professionals, certified professionals, and everyday women with insight into the topics that will help you stay empowered.

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Divorce costs in the United States vary, but one expert estimates a cost range for divorce between $10,000 and $20,000, with an average of $15,000.

Sadly, most couples fail to budget for a divorce like they would for a wedding or funeral. They fail to do sufficient research, and their expectations about the cost of divorce are based on hearsay and generalities. In fact, costs can be managed by clients to a large degree, but not totally so.

When someone says, "I want the least costly divorce possible", what do they mean and really want? Too frequently, the old adage "you get what you pay for" is not only true, but dangerous. Aiming to find the cheapest divorce possible should not be the prime motivating factor for anyone in a contested divorce.

The risks of cutting a deal on the "cheap" may have not only short-term risks, but long-term financial consequences that cannot ever be "undone". Property division is a one shot deal for the rest of your life.

The "what ifs" are both the most painful and avoidable elements in divorce, and everyone should face them head on. While you can research some of these "what ifs" yourself, I strongly suggest embracing the opportunity to work with a divorce financial planner. This is the expert you want and need during divorce to make strategic recommendations in a cost-efficient manner in any legal setting.

Here are the four main ways to get a divorce, in order of their general costs:

DIY or Pro Se. The least expensive divorce is the do-it-yourself or pro se. This means both parties literally negotiate, settle, and arrange for their own divorce. As can be imagined, this works best for short-term marriages with no children, few complications, little assets, and at best, in uncontested situations.

Mediation. The next least expensive method is mediation. A mediator is a neutral party whose hourly fees and business models vary greatly. The mediation process is defined at the outset and costs are identified. Mediators rely upon the couple to produce almost all of the information and financial discovery, and come up with issues of concern. A mediator facilitates the couple in reaching a settlement that best suits both of their needs/desires. Many states require that both parties hire outside review counsel to ensure they have not forfeited their rights unknowingly and to ensure the process is unbiased.

Collaborative Divorce. Next is collaborative divorce, where there may be two attorneys, two coaches, one financial specialist, and a child specialist. Collaborative divorce does not promote itself as a low cost process, but instead as a more holistic approach. It is a team dedicated to guiding clients to reach an amicable settlement with both parties' interests met to the fullest extent possible. It emphasizes family relationships being intact post-divorce. Each divorce professional charges his/her own hourly rates and may require individual retainers. However, there are no court fees for serving motions or discovery demands; only at the very end do the attorneys file their appearance in court. If for any reason, the couple fails in this process, the entire team is disallowed from representing either spouse, and divorce process starts all over again at full cost to the couple.

Litigated. The most traditional and costly divorce is litigated. Each spouse hires his/her own attorney who advocates for them, files court motions, court appearances, papers, and hires other experts. There are court fees, marshal fees, filing fees, etc. Litigating attorneys may be reasonable or outrageous in terms of billable hours. It is what the market bears. Litigating attorneys may work well with the opposing attorney to reach an expeditious settlement or they may choose to "milk" the case for fees. If the case goes to trial, costs become prohibitive.

However, the choice of legal representation is only part of the cost of divorce. Divorce costs are shaped equally by these powerful factors:

1. The clients' own behaviors, specifically their lack of financial knowledge.

2. The nature and financial complexity of the case itself.

3. The necessity of having experts involved to value a business, licenses, earning capacity, assets, projections for future lifestyle needs.

4. Legal professionals may fire their own clients. Clients bear the costs of hiring and restarting the process anew.

5. Court scheduling, availability of all parties, time for producing information, etc. contribute to the duration and cost of divorce.

This is why the expertise of divorce financial planners is essential during divorce: To help budget for this process; source funds to pay for divorce; educate clients and professionals about complex financial issues; analyze choices with greater expertise and less expensively than lawyers; produce precise analysis for desired outcomes; and provide counseling to clients post divorce. This is what you get when you pay for it!

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  • Comment Link Ivy Sunday, 26 February 2017 18:06 posted by Ivy

    Stay at home mom of four 10 and under. Would love to hear what people have to say about using my husbands money to see a lawyer, to get a divorce. I don't work outside the home for pay. Im not sure how does a stay at home mom that does not work for pay. Pay attorney fees for a divorce. Would love some good mature info on this.

  • Comment Link Benny Carter Saturday, 09 January 2016 14:59 posted by Benny Carter

    I cannot imagine getting a cheap attorney to help you fight for something that will have such a lasting effect on your life. Think of it as an investment into your future because if you don't, you will pay the price in the end. It sucks, but it's true.

  • Comment Link Lisa Childers Saturday, 25 April 2015 15:26 posted by Lisa Childers

    I have been married for 12 years. I worked since I was 19 years old up until 3 years ago to move to another city to support my husbands career in another city because he had limited opportunities due to his first degree robbery felony. I usually made more money than my husband during his antics of prostitues, ex wife sexual affairs, hocking my jewlery, stealing money from me, going to prison, burglary, purse snatching, drug anfd alcohol abuse. He took 9 of the 12 years getting strightened out. He was an electrical engineer. We worked together for 8 years previous to our affair. I know not good. That is why I swore I would take mine and others marriage as a real institution and that for better or worse really meant just rhat. Well, my husband had filed bankruptcy with his first wife so he lives off mine for the ten years so now he has all the credit, I have poor credit now and now he wants a divorve. I have no income and no credit now. He makes 118k per year and now has reestablished his credit and since I have been left with anxiety from this marriage and i entered myself i to 2 rehabs. He took my name off our banking account. He opens credit cards with his name only so he is doing and feeling great. I on the other end am not using any types of benzos any longer due to hard work on my part. I called my psychiatrist myself and told him no benzos in big red letters and that I was in rehab. This was the mistake i made the first time around by not burning this bridge. I am a great wife i think. I clean, cook, and make sure that his lunch is made and the house is usually VERY clean regardless of having 5 indoor animals. Now he assurred me that when i returned from rehab and was able to stay off them for more than 6 monthes he would add my nameto the bank acct and add my name to the house that I had put 20k down on from my previous house. I had excellent great credit until i just got laid off and he was in prison. I continued to go to aa and do the work with my sponsor and took my husband with me to psychiatrist so he could hear for himself all of my efforts were true and up front. He broke his promise to add my name to our home, and bank acct regardless of all my actions. I yelled and snatched the pc and said then he needed to split the money in half immediately. He screamed abuse and left the home. I just want my fair share of this trumuluious marriage and get back to the person who i was because of these years of disrespect and being taken advantage of. The laws dont help woman much in Texas as spousal support is not looked at as a necessity. I find myself with no credit and no job with a divorce in the works. I have 5 animals that are like my kids now that I am coming up on 50 and an empty nester. I am looking at having to give them up or put them to sleep as they are 4 cats that are the coolest, sweet, declawed house cats and a daschund. Love them! I dont know what to do next. I feel that I am so stuck and that I have to take whatever offer comes my way just to survive this nightmare. Any ideas of how to move without readily having cash or credit?

  • Comment Link HELP ME PLEASE Friday, 10 October 2014 00:52 posted by HELP ME PLEASE

    I havent been married that long but my husband has changed a lot since when we first started dating. He watches porn and i tell him that its disrespectful. He says that every guy does it but the way i see it if you are now married then you shouldnt be doing that or be checking out others right in front of you. He went to go see his ex one night at 2am and didnt come home until 4am plus he had school the next day at 8. i asked him what they did and he said they just talked. I didnt believe it but i didnt want to argue anymore. Then i was using his phone and went on google to search for a recipe and i saw that he was searching for his ex facebook and all this then he searched a specific porn and i asked him about it and he denied it i showed him and he still denied it. Not too long ago i found him searching for videos and all he says is what i like dancers or its enjoyable to watch porn. Just yesterday i found that he email this person on craigslist to hook up. Today just now he was asking girls to trade pictures with him and saying stuff to girls like i wanna f***k you. I know its clear that i should leave him but my family doesnt approve of marriage and ive gave so much for this to work and i just feel hopeless. I hate pretending to everyone that im fine and cry when no ones looking. The other thing is that im still attached to him. He is the first ive actually opened up to

  • Comment Link N M Tuesday, 11 March 2014 21:10 posted by N M

    I've been married for 23 years.I Have 3kids I went back to school last year I didn't find any job. I can't afford a divorce. We r still living together in the same house but I can't live anymore with him . He is always right I'm always wrong . He is a loving Caring dad but when it comes to me I'm only the maid that takes care of the house and the kids. I sacrified a lot to raise my kids and they don't need me anymore . My oldest daughter which is 23 years old is always on her daddy's side . Don't know what to do????

  • Comment Link mndudester Wednesday, 29 January 2014 21:53 posted by mndudester

    Leave him, he most likely feels the same way you do.

  • Comment Link Frustrated Wednesday, 04 September 2013 14:02 posted by Frustrated

    Tired of walking on eggshells--I am in the same boat. I think I'd be happier without him but am worried about making a mistake, dealing with what everyone else will think, and my children. We have a lot of debt and I don't think we can afford to divorce either. I am getting a second job and am working on separating our finances. Once things are in place I plan on making a decision then. Maybe start there? Would it be possible to try a separation? That is another decision I've been contemplating.

  • Comment Link Pat Monday, 19 August 2013 00:42 posted by Pat

    Married 39 years- most of it miserable. I love my grown kids- I would leave if I had the money. We have alot of debt. I do not love him anymore.

  • Comment Link someonethatknows Tuesday, 30 April 2013 18:11 posted by someonethatknows

    I just read your story. I can not even believe it... I feel like you just told my story!!!! Same thing on my end... together for 8/9 years married for just about 4 adn have a baby. Husband is an addict so we have been dealing with that. Not ambitious, job hoping, never fixes a thing, have to ask a million times to do something. For me he has the addiction issue right now and I am just OVER it. I tried to support him but his nastiness is too much. He used to never be like this prior to the drug problem. Its the addiction behavior that is the problem whether they are using or not. I am trying to sell the house but he wont sign the papers. Anyway... my advice to you, start getting your things together such as finances. If you have a 401K he is entitled to half so maybe you can roll it into a 529 for your kids so he can't touch it. Start to prepare yourself financially and then leave him. They are the most powerful manipulators, they will always blame you but in reality its their fault not ours!!! They will beg, plead with you but you are better off without him. You deserve someone that will take care of you and so do I.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 20 February 2013 23:12 posted by Guest

    Tired of walking on eggshells...advice: Any advice would be greatly appreciated. My husband and I have been together for 14 years, however we have only been married for 7. We have 3 children together. I have been by his side through his previous years of substance abuse, infidelity (way back in our early dating years) and gambling ($10,000). Although, many of that is long in the past and he no longer does any of that...I state that as those are huge factors to me as I have been extremely supportive and stood by his side. His mother is a nurse and his father is a retired police officer. He had the traditional white picket fence childhood upbringing and had the support from his parents, but for some reason he resents them a bit and rebelled as a teen and young adult (I promise, there is a reason as to why I give this background).
    He did not make it through college, which is fine, but I would prefer for him to be ambitious and set goals. I am one who received my bachelor's and went on to receive my master's degree; along with pursue further career advancements.
    Here is what I am noticing. We are now two different people. He lacks any drive and motivation. If anything breaks around the house, it will not get fixed. I have a faucet that needs to be replaced for OVER A YEAR! However, I need to be very cautious in how I approach him in asking several times to fix items, help around the house, etc because it is truly like walking on eggshells! It always causes a fight, because his response is a shouting match of " YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER!" His perceptions are off with how I ask things. He perceives it as I am being demanding and nagging along with adding words that I never used, when I am simply asking normally as any wife has a right too (in my opinion!) (This is the background knowledge that I provided...I'm wondering if there are some childhood psychological issues that is further damaging our marriage)
    I do the bills, cooking, laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, appointments, etc. He has it made very easy. His job is an easy one to come home and watch tv. I come home to work more until midnight.
    When I took on this new position, we discussed it as a family because it would mean that I would be able to grow professionalliy as well as provide financially for our familiy; however it would mean many many hours of work and nights of working at home. Before I accepted the position, my husband was in agreement to assisting the children with their homework and dinners, etc while I worked. However; this has all changed. He has become very passive aggressive in saying comments about me to the children while I am working and he is having to assist them. He says them out of anger and rage while he is yelling out of frustration. It not only makes me feel guilty for not helping them out, but it makes me feel trapped because I have no choice...I have work to get done as to provide for my family financially. (This was the deal!)

    I find myself thinking about leaving him on occasions and wondering if I am better off without him. Maybe he will wake up to see how selfish he is being. I'm finding myself starting to slip into a depression from all of this (his anger, passive agressive comments that I hear not directly to me but to my children or simply to the wall!) I can do no right any longer. I find myself stuck because I have three beautiful children that I don't want to hurt. I come from a divorced family and that was absolutely rough.

    Advice please...(keep it realistic and positive)


  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 19 February 2013 22:51 posted by Guest

    Do not have children with him: Do not have children with him yet that will be your bigest failure, be wise and your the one ho knows your situation it is up to you what you want to do cuz we don't know the whole story since you maried him you had good reason to do it marriage is not easy is big responsability and you know your future.
    good luck

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 15 February 2013 07:22 posted by Guest

    Get the lawyer advise.: Get the lawyer advise.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 05 February 2013 22:38 posted by Guest

    I feel the same, but my: I feel the same, but my husband has a job, and we live in our own home but I do not have friends or family, I need to stay in home all day and he come back with beer everyday because he was working hard (we are not reach at all) but he feels like he just deserve free time, I dont have a job and we have 2 babies daughters, and he goes sleep when they are wild awake, and if I complain he just said: why you dont go at work and bring some money... :( .. I live in houston, are you finally divorce or you still in the same situation??

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 05 February 2013 14:42 posted by Guest

    Mediation is Less $$ : JackieNJ, Hoping you still check site. I reside near Jackson. Would love to know lawyer you used. thanks so much for the tip that part of the proceeds from house can be put toward lawyer. 30 plus years of marriage, so I am of course, beyond a mess. "We" chose for me to not work, but I did part-time here & there. NJ job market bad now. So that is a great tip for me. got an anomynous (spell) note he broke it off w/ girlfriend he's been seeing wkly for 2 yrs & there have been others. Then I read his IM's & comments point to this being the case. Sadly, I can't prove anything or afford own lawyer. Confronted him, of course denied. Like idiot cry alot. I did not tell him I got letter or read IM's. Keeps IPad locked now, so he must know I snooped. Feel hopeless. waiting for a therapist to call back. If one doesn't today, I will resort to calling a dear friend or closest sister. I need to VENT! Thanks, CDNJ

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 29 January 2013 15:18 posted by Guest

    I do agree about 90% of what: I do agree about 90% of what you had to say. However, I strongly disagree with your position on the pension issue. I retired from the military after serving 21 years. As the situation between my wife and I looks as it may very well lead to the big "D", my wife was only married to me for a little over ten years of my career. We are both relatively young, she 34, I'm 43 and I do not feel I should have to surrender 40% of my pension for the rest of my life. After all, I'm the one with the Purple Heart.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 14 January 2013 16:42 posted by Guest

    Help: I have been married for only 2 going on 3 years. We have a two year old ddaughhter. I have been seriously considering divorce because it seems like I can't do anything right. We live with his parents and it's like he doesn't even want to get a job. He doesn'tdoesn't want toto research college. All he wants to do is stay up all night playing video games only to go to bed when our daughter wakes up. When I bring up how I feel about these things it ends up a fight and me feeling like I was just overreacting and being silly. I just applied to college for the coming summer because I'm tired of telling myself it will get better. I don't have many friends or family. We have no money (obviously) I just don't know what else to do ... I'm only 20, going on 21

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 13 January 2013 23:39 posted by Guest

    lost: Me and my husband used to be so close like wed talk about everything we lovedeach other and our kids. Anymore he's never there he forgot my birthday and I spent our anniverssery alone while he went out. We don't talk and I'm ignorant for askin him to be there for me. I can't do it anymore. But I can't hurt the kids. Do I live the a marriage full of fighting everyday or me please.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 07 December 2012 03:00 posted by Guest

    wtf?: My boyfriend is married to his friend to fix her legal status in the US , they been married since June , now he wants to divorce, they both agree ,will this still Cost 10-20k?

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 06 December 2012 13:34 posted by Guest

    Military spouse who needs help : I have been married to my husband for 12 yrs and we have two kids. Everything we have is accumulated during our marriage. I have given up a lot including my family , friends, great jobs and we've had 5 pcs orders for the 13 yrs he has been in the army. I have been the father and the mother for our children while he was getting a bachelors degree in business and while he was deployed and while he was busy drinking, watching porn, having affaires. I have had to put up with a lot and had no support system and have been isolated through out the yrs. At every dutu ststions that we have been i have gone to counseling to deal with my husbands behavior and I have caught my spouse watching pornography on a daily basis for hours on the family computer while myself and our children are in the next room and he has totaled a car because of alcohol, he has had emotional and sexual infidelities through out our marriage. I have begged him to go to counseling but has has refused and now I'm with out a job due to moving to a new duty station and I want to get separated and move back to my hometown Alexandria Virginia but he refuses to help me financially. I do not know what to do because I do not have any money so can some one please guide me through these difficulties that I'm facing.

    Thank you

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 25 November 2012 19:56 posted by Guest

    Yikes! Trust your instincts.: Yikes! Trust your instincts. Get out! You are young and have many options

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 24 November 2012 15:25 posted by Guest

    Sorry...I meant he: Sorry...I meant he spell check:/

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 23 November 2012 14:49 posted by Guest

    mistake: I married my husband only 6 months ago..and as soon as the honeymoon was over he be American a completely different person...he lets his father control every move he makes, he refuses to get a real job, and he's very mean and controlling...I'm really worried about things getting worse and if I were to have a child with this man I'm stuck...I don't have much money...I'm barely out of college..we have no assests together...I only want what was mine before the marriage began...I really need help knowing how to persue this as quick and easy as possible

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 15 October 2012 16:55 posted by Guest

    Prenup: Preup came valid..The guy is worth 35 million. Married for 10 years. Known him( worked under him for 25 years in a farm). Now he has filed for a divorce and only willing to give 20 thousand. The lady does not have a house and have moved in with her daughter. The lady works at a dry cleaners making 8 bucks an hour. She has metal hip . . .and hardly any savings.

    What are her options? She lives in Minnesota. Can she go to court..what are her options? how much will it cost her..already gone thru a lawyer.. and the lawyer says take 20 thousand.. It's been two months and the guy has refused to give her anything. What are the chances that she gets some form of alimony from this guy?


  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 06 October 2012 06:25 posted by Guest

    Yoir own daughter first priority: Consult with an attorney to understand how to protect your financial interests. Consult with a family therapist to discuss how to protect your daughter and to undrestandl the dynamics of your situation. You need to protect your own child from the effects of your step daughters influence. The rest of her life is at stake. Hopefully your husband will agree to go with you so you both can work together, but my guess is he will avoid it or go bit not follow through with recommendations...he's already allowed too much and clearly has objected, even passively, to doing anything. It's a tough love situation. Sometimes the only way to wake up the spouse is to have them realize they are about to lose their wife. It may hurt to see him chose his 1st daughter over his second, and his second marriage, but settling for less than what you desire for a relationship is not heallthy either. Be sure to speak with yoir daughter carefully about your concerns in a caring way rather than angry or accusatory way to minimize backlash of the other family member resistance (which usually is to accuse you of being mean, critical, and unloving). Sometimes being the most loving can be the hardest thing. Allowing things such as drug use etc is not the most loving is costly and life altering when it is not addressed - at the expense of relationships. Go to alanon and have tour daughter go to and listen to ala-teen...

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 13 September 2012 08:10 posted by Guest

    I need help: I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this but I need as much help as I can get. Ok here goes...My husband and I have been married almost 15 years. It's had many rocky roads but we have managed to keep it together. There are many issues the biggest being my step daughter..she has no respect, lies about alot of important things and is a complete slob. She works part-time and treats my home like a hotel where she comes and goes as she pleases. I just recently found out that her boyfriend is in jail and she won't tell us where or why he is. She's smoking pot and whatever else they do these days. I also have an 11 yr old that is very influenced by her and I am afraid for her. My husbands parental skills have not faired well with my stepdaughter...I want her to move out and he says no. She's 22 yrs old and completely destroying our family. If she doesnt go the fighting will continue and I'll be miserable, if she does go then my husband will resent me for pushing her out (although for him this is not an option). The only way is to split up. We are deep in debt and I don't know what to do. Please help

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 18 August 2012 16:39 posted by Guest

    I want out: I have been married fir 10 long wife a nurse chooses not to work but wants to complain about everything. She hates my hrs and the job I have...I earn good $but its all about her..she hates me working over time and yet she want the nightly dinner of 60$the or more..we eat out atleast 9+ nights a good week..and sumtimes lunch if im off ...2 boys and I hate toleave them w her and all her crying and cursing me or having them I want my sons w me...I don't want support from her..and she can see them when she wants jus want

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 29 July 2012 01:03 posted by Guest

    Fast: You need an attorney and you need one fast! The longer you wait, the more damage your husband can do in so far as hiding assets and strengthening his position. You have as much right to assets as your husband does. If you feel you cannot afford an attorney, you may surprise yourself as to how many great attorneys will take you as a client and get paid later by your husband. Find the best, strongest, and aggresive attorney out there. Call them, explain the situation, and let him explain what he can offer.
    Again, Time is not your friend. Work fast, grab as many assets as you can, and let the attorney guide you through the steps. Please, for the sake of yourself and your children, call an attorney!!

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 23 July 2012 19:03 posted by Guest

    Need help ASAP: I've been married for 10 yrs. had 2 kids with my husband. The youngest with severe developmental delays and orthopedic problems. My child's health required me to stay at home and takecare of him.
    My husband bullied me out of the house. Afraid for my safety and the safety of my kids, I left the house and the city I lived in while married. I retained a lawyer but didn't file any papers yet. I know that my husband is wiring all his money and assets overseas, he is worth more than a million dollars.
    If i start the divorce process or not, I'm afraid of 2 option:
    1. My husband will fight me and drag the case for as long as he can. He has the money to waste and i have $0
    2. one day my husband will leave overseas when all the money and all assets been transferred. I'm really worried about going in major debts paying my lawyer who probably can only help me getting divorce...any thoughts???

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 21 July 2012 00:10 posted by Guest

    I know exactly what you: I know exactly what you mean.. Ive been with my husband for a year and now I can't do it anymore.. I just want a divorce and never see him again.. I regret marrying him

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 18 July 2012 13:36 posted by Guest

    Divorce: I have been married for 10 months we have no children, and I don't want any of his property. How much will it cost for us to get a divorce, I can't stand him he is a flirt. I can't believe I got married to him Iam tired of him please I would appreciate to get some advice if anybody knows what to do in my situation.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 17 July 2012 19:07 posted by Guest

    divorce have applied for legal aid: wad with my ex for 10 years married for 2 tears, after his affair and infecting me, he left the country leaving me with the bills, etc and ill. I have no icome at the moment, as I lost my job through redundency. and ill health,
    He is a director good salary excellent pension, company shares etc.
    when he left he wrote a financial agreement to support me. signed. and also a letter apologising for the affair and medical consequences signed. he never honored this agreement.
    that was one year ago. now hes suing me for divorce knowing i cant afford lawyer.
    His lawyer is his ex sister in law. I tied for mediation and to try non contested. they ignored this. Have all the paperwork.

    He told me when he left he was not interested in divorce and lawyers, waste of money, he said this to prepare himself and hide earnings.

    next month there are two criminal cases against him in court, for pyhsical abuse against me. they will be heard before the divorce hearing.
    so what will the judge make of this knowing I have no funds to fight this?
    He prefers to waste his money on legal fees rather than pay a small spousal support.
    would appreciate a legal viewpoint on how to prepare myself

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 28 April 2012 00:52 posted by Guest

    Beware: Stop before you even start, though it is probably already too late. A person as a partner/spouse/adult versus the person as a parent are two VERY different things. Keep in mind that a daughter gets a huge amount of her identy and self confidence from her father. He may be an SOB in all matters regarding you, and have poor taste in women, but that does not take away his role as an important figure for your daughter. Building a case for an incapable parent will leave years, if not decades of damage that your poor daughter will eventually navigate and you will very likely be the one to lose in the long term--and your daughter as well. This is definitely a moment of long-term loss for short-term gains and sometimes you have to take the high road, bite your lip[, build your new life with kindness and tolerance, and allow your daughter to have a love and appreciation of her father independent of your experience. It will benefit her greatly. Studies have shown that children in joint custody situations fair equally to their peers from intact marriages while children in sole custody or limited access to one parent situations fair very poorly. Think about your long term goals for your daughter. Save the fight and the money for her college and other needs, though it is probably too late.

  • Comment Link JackieNJ Monday, 07 November 2011 14:12 posted by JackieNJ

    Mediation is Less $$: My lawyer--who is an angel, really--sat down at our first meeting and went through each of the divorce types listed above and gave me the price breakdown of what I can expect to pay in New Jersey. I was basically in a writing panic by the end of this conversation, but here's a key takeaway: because going through the divorce requires a division of assets, it's part of these assets that will go toward satisfying all your legal costs. If you don't have $15K sitting in a bank account, know that part of the proceeds from your house can be put towards your lawyer, etc. They know how to set it all up and it's less stress. I just wouldn't want anyone to think that just because you're not liquid doesn't mean you can get a good lawyer! BTW, in New Jersey, private divorce mediation -- -- is definitely the cheapest of the three options!

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 15 October 2011 08:55 posted by Guest

    Pack your bags: It looks like you may be deported. Bad idea destroying your husband's life.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 16 August 2011 11:19 posted by Guest

    Divorce and a 9month old: I am planning on filing for divorce. I have a nine month old and my husband is going to fight me for joint custody. If I am able to produce proof that he is taking steriods and has a violent temper will I be able to secure full custody? I really do not want anything else from him.I just do not want my daughter around that monster or the women he is seeing.I have been stalked by Jackie Buffo and others. i just want my child.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 13 August 2011 12:35 posted by Guest

    divorce my husband n marry my boyfriend: I am married Indian citizen and I've been sitting at home doing nothing my husband goes away in the morning and returns back at night,in the mean time I fell in love with other guy and my husband got to know about my relation ship. Now I want to divorce my husband and get married to my boyfriend... Currently I live in us...

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 26 July 2011 21:35 posted by Guest

    Divorce from another state: I have a friend who is incarcerated in another state than his spouse, he has found out she has cheated on him and she has told him she is pregnant with another mans kid. He like i said is incarcerated but wants a divorce or annulment but isnt sure how to do so being incarcerated, let alone in another state. They had seperated a few months after their marriage and he moved to another state. If any one can help me with some information to send him that would be wonderful.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 21 July 2011 14:19 posted by Guest

    don't let it go over $3,000-5,000: Ok, call me an ego maniac, but if there is one thing I've learned throug my divorce process, it is that if I do my homework and agree to work with the ex on a settlement agreement - the costs go WAY down. Attorneys are in it to make money, not necessarily to get you a quick, cheap, good deal. You have to be your own advocate. I caught huge errors that were made by our mediator, and through doing my own research, went against her advice on certain issues and saved thousands of dollars for both me and my ex. Don't look to divorce attorneys or mediators as experts - they have biases and make errors - you have to do your own research. And if you want to save money - take a big gulp and try to do as much of the agreement with your ex as you can outside of an attorney's office. Remember, the more you fight and disagree - the more the attorneys make - so it is in an attorneys best interest to kick up a fight. Good luck. Oh, one more thing - DO pay for more than one outside actuarial valuation of pensions. Sometimes mediators with a bias - say towards the high earner- will deliberately use an actuarial firm that comes in with low estimates. I've seen it. The variance in estimates can be astounding. Also, some mediators will "forget" to advise the spouse getting half of the other spouse's pension that they make take it as a monthly payment rather than a lump sum. If you live to old age, the monthly payment is always the more lucrative way to go. And if you don't live to old age, who cares anyway. Just sayin'

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 07 August 2009 16:15 posted by Guest

    Divorce: How much will a divorce cost? If there are no assets,no children involved and both parties agree to it?

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 08 April 2009 14:57 posted by Guest

    Divorce: My husband has filed for divorce. We live in Texas and I need a good attorney so that I can get what is right and he continue to help me financially. How can I find a good attorney here in south Texas, specially the Rio Grande Valley.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 07 February 2009 17:32 posted by Guest

    how much will I pay for a divorce?: First question I asked myself when I went through my divorce. The answer varies, but it depends on a lot of things. If you go for an expensive divorce attorney, it could grow beyond the average cost, especially if you and your soon-to-be-ex can't easily agree and things get bumpy. I personally recommend going with a mediator, but you still need a lawyer of some sort .. but it will cut down on the cost.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 07 February 2009 17:26 posted by Guest

    divorce will cost you more than you think!: Even though they say the average is about 1$0-15k, you can easily find it exceeding that. Prepare for the worst, just in case.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 07 February 2009 17:16 posted by Guest

    how much does a divorce cost?: It often can cost much more than you think. The problem that often causes this is fighting and disagreements that can often go along with a divorce ... which you really have to protect yourself against. Because the only one that benefits in that case is the attorney.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 06 February 2009 17:13 posted by Guest

    Divorce Budget?: So does the cost of divorce vary significantly based on region of the country and divorce attorney. And, if so, how can you be sure that you're getting a good attorney at a value price...or is it worth it to spend the extra for a more aggressive attorney?