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You want the house. You know you want the house, unless it brings back too many bad memories. The question then is: Can you afford to keep your house post-divorce?

Well, can you not? I’m a financial advisor in Los Angeles, and I hear this question all the time. Should we sell the house and split the money? How can I possibly make the right decision?

Chin up, sister. My mentor Deborah, 71, was divorced 18 years ago and turned a $3 million dollar real estate portfolio into a $15 million dollar one.

You can too.

Let’s take a hypothetical: a couple has been married for 18 years. When they split up, they both thought they got the better deal.

The wife, who made less than half the salary of the husband, kept the $600,000 house, which had a remaining mortgage of $200,000. With taxes and insurance, her monthly payments would come to approximately $1,500, assuming a 30 year mortgage at 6.5%.

The husband, meanwhile, took something of equal value: an IRA worth $650,000.

To make their shares even, he threw in a $50,000 membership to the local country club, which she could sell if she wanted.

They split what remained in their savings account.

So who got the better deal? He got the equivalent of cash, and she was saddled with a mortgage, right?

And the membership to the country club required paying dues.

But she’s the financial winner from the divorce settlement.

The country club membership allowed her children to swim and learn tennis for almost nothing.

His IRA was effectively worth 25 percent to 40 percent less than its face value because all IRA distributions are taxed as ordinary income upon withdrawal.

Sure, the wife would be taxed if she sold the house, but the fed allows a $250,000 tax break on selling a primary residence if she lives in for two of the last five years.

Moreover, any profit is taxed as capital gains and not the higher income tax rate.

So the wife got the better deal financially and she preserved her lifestyle. She got to keep an asset that appreciated significantly.

After 10 years, the wife would have assets of more than $3 million (if the house appreciated 8 percent a year). And the husband, who invested his IRA and rented a fancy condo, had assets worth barely $2 million.

Some fast tips:

  • Most husbands recommend selling the house and splitting the money. In my experience most people spend the lump sum settlement, and have nothing left to invest. A house is forced savings.
  • Never sell in a down market, which is what many places have now. Don’t sell just to get out of a bad situation. Don’t sell at the bottom, period.
  • Make sure you have every tax advantage in keeping the house, the right to itemize deductions and take off the mortgage interest and property taxes. That is another benefit of owning real estate.
  • If things get really tight, consider taking in a roommate, or carving out a “tax payer/mother in law” apartment you can rent out.


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  • Comment Link Marna Katz Tuesday, 20 September 2016 22:00 posted by Marna Katz

    I went through over six years of hell when the boy I met when I was 14, got engaged when I was 19, married just over 30 years at the time, handed me a card one day, of his lawyer he retained to divorce me. No reasons, no discussions, etc;. He remained in the house but retired, ( mid fifties ), and just took one trip after another. He refused to pay me spousal support after the court ordered him to. Perjured himself ( by lawyer), claiming that I was holding the checks he gave me, hostage to make him look bad and the courts kept postponing all the court dates for hearing,( his or his lawyers doing), for 2 1/2 years. I lived on borrowed money for everything. I have numerous serious illnesses and during the divorce diagnosed with a Brain Tumor. He wouldn't pay the court ordered co-pays, my Prescriptions, my car repairs, the vet bills, food,( he ate everything I bought with my families money), etc;. He defied every court order including the final, ridiculous judgment that gave me $400.00 per week maintenance, plus I have to pay all the household bills, not to mention car payments, insurance, gas for car, and food for me and our sick son who has been in and out of hospitals for the past 4 years and his father neither visited, called him, helped me with any expenses, or cared one bit about his son. I got him Medicaid, as I had to resort to myself, SSD, SSI, and any help I could get. When Sandy hit, he was with his girlfriend in Florida and hadn't been home in 3-4 months. He never called but showed up two weeks after, hired guys to throw out, ( supposedly), all MY stuff, he screamed and made a scene when I said to put things back, and used all the things that belonged to me and our son as a Barter for them to keep instead of payment but had them make an outrageous bill for the courts. He hired a "public adjuster", when none was needed because when dealing with Flood insurance they are public adjusters, sort of, so they want to get you the most. His guy was there not to fix or help with the house because he told me that he had to work exclusively with his contractors and even though I never signed his contract, he sent his drug addict, psycho electrician who broke every light downstairs, made two fires, but fixed the electricity somehow. The contractors made excuses after excuses and never showed or fixed a thing. I never had heat until two years ago when my parents gave me money to hire a handyman to put up all the walls missing, and fix the heat which also involved a busted pipe.
    The Insurance checks were coming and his PA, called him to come back from florida where he diverted the checks to his office and signed his name to them even though mine was equally primary right next to his ( I had an insurance lawyer confirm after being sent by the DFS whom I called and told my story to. I got the States Attorney General involved and at first they found that the insurance company that he paid, and was told that I was crazy and a bitch and that they need to send the checks to his office not home, finally realized their error but it was too late. CHASE BANK allowed him to deposit the checks, with only one signature, his, into his account and nothing was done to fix our destroyed house and my destroyed car. My parents had to buy me the car because he destroyed my credit as well. I make the payments though.
    I took him to court myself last January after writing an Irder to Show Cause, about the fact that he never complied with one court ordered judgment. I had six lawyers and each dropped me for lack of money to pay them after I noticed the initial retainer. I believe he paid off my lawyers and the judge who finally took over two months prior to our trial after 5 1/2 years of the same judge who knew all his lies and manipulations, was a family court judge who knew nothing and didn't care. Nassau county is known to be misogynistic and it proved to be true. Never reprimanded for signing my name to various checks, to signing his name only to $188,000 worth of insurance checks and placing them in his bank account, of withholding a HELOC the judge in 2010 ORDERED him to put back and be closed, for not paying me any spousal support or complying with any court orders along the way, for lying time and time again about his money woes when he's a CPA with his own practice and took total control over 9 stores his family owned in Brooklyn but since his father passed in 2007, he took over and stole all the money, not giving his mother all the money from rent and such, making her sick and giving her a stroke a year ago at the age of 77. Which is also what he hopes will happen to me.
    When this began, it was evident that he had planned this hostile takeover, he changed everything into his name. He changed our credit cards to joking on the cards and then had a female call and say I wanted to cancel them. He did have all my info and I found this out. I was left without a bank account, he cleaned out. No credit cards which was how he had me live so he could interrogate me about the charges. Only $20 a week cash was I allowed. He was verbally abusive. Threw things and created fights in his head that were then aimed at me. Towards the end it got physical. He wants me to have nothing so that's why he asked the judge to put in the judgment that the house be sold as is, destroyed by Sandy leaving it worth no
    more than around $4-500,000. If he needed the money then he would have used the insurance to fix it up and get the most. As it is, what I did in fixing with the handymen and fixing the garden and such, has put my home at around $899,000. I've got offers but not exactly this top number which I need in order to buy something decent if we're ordered to split the proceeds. He didn't put in a dime, nor did he care or call once. He doesn't need the money seeing as he is a millionaire and stole everything we had together and put it all in his families accounts ( I know this for fact). I can't make ends meet even after my efforts in court and doing it myself, he's paid me the $400. Per week but that barely covers food. I want the house but don't know how to go about and he's too spiteful to give it to me. He still
    Owes me for some money saving accounts like prudential and Putnam that shows $15,000 and he called half of that $4,000. Plus all the money he stocked in his family accounts and the the life policy he paid into all the years and changed the beneficiary, one month prior to serving me, to his brothers. My lawyer did nothing, never stood up and objected to anything or fought for me to get a thing or even asked for him to be judged on his many acts of defiance and noncompliance, not to mention perjurious orders he sent to the court over and over. His lawyer stood up and asked for 1/2 the amount of the check I received from Geico for the loss of my expedition in Sandy after he negotiated with them, not me, and only got $2,000. My tires were worth more. But my lawyer, even after I repeatedly nudged and said for him to make the motion to get me half of the price of $65,000 he paid, in cash for his BMW convertible which I went with him to buy in 2007 which was before commencement and was legally mine as well. He refused to do. I lost everything and I'm still trying to live.
    The latest buyer brought in specialists with machines to detect mold and found it to be even in places that all the walls were replaced. I've been living with this throughout while he spent our money on trip after trip, having his parents homes now in Brooklyn and Boca Raton, Florida, all this new money as well as old, his parents were multimillionaires and now that's his. He worked for them on books and leases every day off he had leaving me alone to raise our kids. I waited for this time when our kids were done and successful so we could do the things we talked about but he's been doing them with his girlfriend, and leaving me destitute and with a sick son.
    How can I modify the judgment to get the house totally and not have to pay a lawyer to take this on when I have nothing more to give. Please tell me how to accomplish this.
    Thank you

  • Comment Link faviola Wednesday, 20 July 2016 23:18 posted by faviola

    my husband and I are going through divorce, he defaulted the divorce and he keeps changing his mind over and over again. The property we own is on the loan under my name and his but the tittle is under my name my sisters and his because during that time my sister gave us half of the down payment and we bought a duuplex and she pays her mortage to me every month. Now I’m worried because my sister does not want the property to be sold and we will go into divorce. Is there anything we can do to not have to sale the house?

  • Comment Link Beverly Johnson Thursday, 24 March 2016 21:38 posted by Beverly Johnson

    I live i New Hope ,AL. I got the house with mrtgaga of $104,000.I have income that fluctuates monthly. Having hard time finding a job. Do I get in touch with mortgage company to see if the would take less for payoff or is there anyway that I could obtain house I also had to file chapter7 in order to stop foreclosure

  • Comment Link David Shockey Thursday, 03 December 2015 22:56 posted by David Shockey

    I'm the primary borrower on the home loan my soon to be ex wants to keep the house but may not qualify for the loan, how long does she have to legally put the mortgage in her name,and do I have to leave the premises before that happens

  • Comment Link Criselda Pabellano Tuesday, 25 August 2015 15:50 posted by Criselda Pabellano

    I've been divorced thru bifurcation for the last 2 years. I'm living still in the condo which I'm paying by myself. Now, my ex wants to sell the condo which I don't since it's underwater still. Can he sell the house even if I don't want to?

  • Comment Link Amber Clayton Wednesday, 29 July 2015 20:47 posted by Amber Clayton

    Hello! I got divorced last year and my ex moved out of the home to live with another woman. We have a 4yr old son who I have primary custody of. He was awarded the home but both of our names are on the mortgage because neither one of us could take on the whole thing. I pay all the bills and all of them have been transferred in my name. I've had a roommate for 3 months now and everything is going perfect. Shes a very dear friend of mine who also has a son so it works out great. My ex calls me today and tells me he's selling the house and the realtor is coming by this afternoon to take pictures. Can he do this to me?!

  • Comment Link Amber Clayton Wednesday, 29 July 2015 20:47 posted by Amber Clayton

    Hello! I got divorced last year and my ex moved out of the home to live with another woman. We have a 4yr old son who I have primary custody of. He was awarded the home but both of our names are on the mortgage because neither one of us could take on the whole thing. I pay all the bills and all of them have been transferred in my name. I've had a roommate for 3 months now and everything is going perfect. Shes a very dear friend of mine who also has a son so it works out great. My ex calls me today and tells me he's selling the house and the realtor is coming by this afternoon to take pictures. Can he do this to me?!

  • Comment Link Parvinder Friday, 24 April 2015 01:56 posted by Parvinder

    Hi Dear !! Me and my wife get divorce month ago , my question is we don't have kids and she left me one and half year ago and separate her account, she file divorce without any claim ... my question is we have property in both name and she did not claim for that on divorce paper .... Is she has right to ask property after divorce too?

  • Comment Link robert Saturday, 18 April 2015 22:06 posted by robert

    Going through a divorce in WI. Can we do it without an attorney? my wife wants to stay in the house and refiance it in her name. Her father will give me a check for 5000, which is what I would get if we sold the house. One child and we would split 50/50. She doesn't want child support, but I would help. Would the judge agree to this. We both make about the same amount of money.

  • Comment Link L. Berg Thursday, 06 November 2014 20:09 posted by L. Berg

    Been married 10 years, My husband had the home when we got married. But I have held down a job more than he during our marriage. He was abusive, alcoholic and bi-polar. His mortgage is only $415 month. I had to move into an apt with a rent of $575 month. He has a boat and a car paid for. Would $50,000 up front be fair plus pay my car off and pay car ins. x 1 year.

  • Comment Link janeen Sunday, 25 May 2014 02:22 posted by janeen

    Need to get xs name on her house and my name off it been divorced for 8 yrs and my name is stillnon my stuped xs house she lives in she needs to have her namen ok n it not mine help. !!!!!!

  • Comment Link Gen22 Sunday, 12 January 2014 16:51 posted by Gen22

    Ashley your story is just like mine , my atorney coused me to let him stay in the home mind u my atorney is not getting any money yet we are asking the ct for that but he told me to let him stay in the home becouse I moved out becouse the hot water heater was putting gas in the home do I went to a shelter he moved in befor I could clean it the pips broke in the shed got cloths wet so he took pics and used it against me he moved in befor I could clean the mess up so my atorney said well he has pics are u kidding the pips broke its a shed not the home he left me and my daughter penny less I can't work he would not give me a dime he makes 6 thousand a month but his atorney is very aggressive in ct mine don't say much and I'm not to say a word so the judge never new where I went and why the gas company said that we could go to sleep and never wake up it would cost 1 thousand to fix but know he is in the home he got temp visataation and my daughter is sleeping in the home

  • Comment Link Jody Wednesday, 26 June 2013 14:52 posted by Jody

    I have just started the divorce process and my attorney said I should keep the house but I'm afraid I won't be able to afford the 1600.00 a month payment and necessary expenses of my two children. The current market is down so I'm afraid if I take the house and try to sell I might insure a lose because there is no equity in the home. Should I try to keep it or sell it in my divorce agreement?

  • Comment Link Ashely g Sunday, 09 June 2013 13:55 posted by Ashely g

    Married 7 years, one child together. He is paying the mortgage on the house because i am a forced stay at home wife. His name is on the house, mines is on the deed. We have been in a house for 4 years. He told me that he isnt going to pay child support or any kind of support if we get a divorce. During the time we have been married, i have to beg him to put food in the fridge, give me money for gas and other things. He has $60,000 and makes $5000 a month. Our mortgage is $1000 a month. The rest he spends on transformers and buying things for his car. Also, he always say that this house is his and not mine, because im not working.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 09 January 2013 16:51 posted by Guest

    Hi Annie, I was reading this: Hi Annie, I was reading this and realise its a very old submission dating back to a year ago. I run a support group for victims of Pscyhopathic Manipulators and Parental Alienation Syndrome. Your ex is a PM. But around 75% of male PM's are also paedophiles as well and abuse their own children. Always be alert to this. YOu said that your daughter couldn't sleep at night without her grandmother in the room I am now wondering why. Please always be aware.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 20 September 2012 21:20 posted by Guest

    no way: He has proven to be unfaithful. You get the house, period. You can always take in a roommate! Your problem is that you have made it too easy on him by being so self-sufficient. What a jerk. He should be happy for you and the kids to stay in the house. Don't listen to anything but your own wisdom. (definitely don't listen to him!)

  • Comment Link Demi Monday, 28 May 2012 21:57 posted by Demi

    If you feel they did not: If you feel they did not handled your case ethically, write the bar associaton and report this. I will write to the attorney and ask for an explanation as to why the appraisal was done in such a way. This may be malpractise. You have to do your homework.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 28 May 2012 14:05 posted by Guest

    divorce and house : Hi, I've been married 26 years and I filed for divorce in 2009 but the divorce is still going on (the judgment of divorce has been given and I am in front of the Judge to vacate the arbitrator's opinion). Unfortunately I was forced to agree to arbitration which is binding and is much harder to change than the trial judge's decision. I was force to do so because my attorney said he will not represent me if I file to go in front of the Judge for trial ( I did not have the money and he though arbitration is faster and less money). I live in MI which is a no fault state. I filed for divorce after I found out my husband was having an affair with two of his employees which are 27 years younger than him. Three years gone by with $200,000 attorney fee. I also found out the arbitrator himself was unfaithful to two of his ex-wives and is marring a women 25 years younger than him. The arbitrator has given me 55% of the assets but 55% of what. He has given everything to my narcissistic pathological husband and the arbitrator sided with him on everything. My husband makes over 1.2 million per year but I found out after filing for divorce that he did not pay a large amount of his taxes (I did not sign his business taxes). The IRS has not yet put any amount or said anything about the penalty of taxes yet the arbitrator has said I have to pay half of my husband's incorrect taxes for 1/2 my interest in his business because I enjoyed the life style (how can he prove that ?) I never did anything wrong! (I think he is exceeding his authority).I wanted to sell our house that has been appraised at $900,000 and there is a $1,100,000 mortgage on the house but my husband said he wants the house and will take me off the mortgage. I called the bank and they said he makes enough money ($500, 000 gross) and he may qualify for assumption but not refinancing. I told the arbitrator as long as he gets my name off by a certain date it will be okay. The arbitrator has written now in judgment of divorce that as long as my husband tries his best effort and holds me harmless (my husband will never do so, because he is vindictive and narcissist) he will have the house and I should give him the deed. Both our name is on the mortgage and deed. There is 23 years of mortgage left of the house. I cannot buy or rent any place till my name is taken out but the arbitrator does not care and will not set a date for my husband to take me off the mortgage. I want to know if I do not vacate the house can the police throw me out? I have a 16 year old son that I have the full physical custody and he has been begging his father to stay in the house till next year for him to graduate but neither the arbitrator nor my husband have agreed. What can I do I have to sign the deed or is it automatically taken away from me since the arbitrator has said the house is his. How long will it take for me to be force to move out and what will happen if I do not move out? It is interesting to note that the arbitrator gave me a building which was apprised in 2008 for much higher and not use the 2010 appraisal (much lower ) but he used the new appraisal for all other properties given to my husband, which are much less. He has also given me one month to pay off and take the mortgage of the building in my name. I do not have any money to do so and no one will give me the mortgage because I do not work. My husband will not agree for me to pay the mortgage monthly to him for this building yet the arbitrator does not do the same for the house mortgage (take me out by certain date).

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 18 March 2012 16:21 posted by Guest

    If she won't pay get it in: If she won't pay get it in writing and have her buy out her half or transfer her half of ownership to you and tell her she won't be responsible to pay anymore. Apply for a loan modification proving she is not paying and no longer resides there. Depending on your income to expense ration you may qualify for a reduction in interest rate to as low as 2%. However you will have to prove bills, along with pay stubs and prove she does not live there anymore. Do you want sole custody to be vindictive or do you believe you can fully care for your son? If so file for sole physical custody and joint legal custody so that she can be included in legal matters eg: school, medical treatment. Take care of yourself and especially your son. If you have a relationship with your daughter you can request visitation. You don't want to separate the children.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 18 March 2012 16:10 posted by Guest

    the 'new owner' bought the: the 'new owner' bought the note from the bank... as long as you stay in your home they could not vacate you while you had extension- Your ex would have had to have the house in foreclosure for a year or more depending on the state you live in for the note to be auctioned off. Did anyone calling you to purchase the deed? The new owner can come to you for any costs incurred- you were not involved in any of the preceedings. Ask the new owner for the title if he really owns it which he doesn't have because you do. ASk to see the bank note. They should be offering you money for the deed! Unless your ex sold the buyer the deed already. Look into it before you vacate. GET ADVICE FROM A DIFFERENT LAWYER. This one sounds shady and didn't do his job for you.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 18 March 2012 16:04 posted by Guest

    To add to the aforementioned: To add to the aforementioned advice, stay in the house and keep filing for HAMP and other loan modifications! As long as you don't vacate you can save money and stay in home should you have no other option. Also they can release you from a certain amount of debt once loan modification is approved. Keep trying, God bless you and good luck!

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 18 March 2012 15:53 posted by Guest

    good advice!: good advice!

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 18 March 2012 15:51 posted by Guest

    You know your research,: You know your research, however how do you know he isn't using you and that you are not doing all this work in vain until the time come when your married boyfriend leaves you too? Men have a way, dear. They have a way.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 18 March 2012 15:47 posted by Guest

    Praying for your strength, calm and wisdom through all of this: I felt like I was reading through a page in my life. He is most definitely displaying narcissistic traits. My counselor told me my husband was a narcissist and felt somewhat disloyal because maybe I was portraying him wrong. But I was just stating the facts and how it made me feel. I stopped walking on egg shells and trying to make him better. He also cheated on me twice during and after my last two pregnancies. He blames me. I also moved across the country away from my family and had no one.
    Keep proof of everything. Including that letter. Fight back. As much as you want to lash out at him keep your cool. Narcissists do that. My husband tried to flip it on me and told our marriage counselor that I was violent after we got into when he blamed me for his infidelities. I was so lost in him and what I believed was good for my family that he easily took over. Never and still doesn't consider my wants, needs. If you take him back it only gets worse. You will soon be free. The good news is you can limit the damage he does to you by limiting his contact with you. You can protect the children keeping sole custody and proving his salary. Keep copies of tax records and show the judge his plan of action. Keep the house. If you need to sell one day you can sell the deed separately from the note which the bank would have. Or get a loan modification to lower your current mortgage rate to 2%. Heap program I believe it is called. I would keep the house. Have him sign over the deed to you. My cousin bought her own house 5 yrs after her divorce. We don't own anything. My husband has always just had enough money for fishing trips, his toys and his friends. I agreed to a trial reunion after moving back home to be able to house my kids. It's been a rough 5 months and I'm back to sqaure one. I'm working for our landlord, making less than half what he makes and he wants me to pay half the rent including what I already spend monthly on food and our children's needs which the death benefit from my oldest two's father supplies them. I can't save. But he has money to spend on recreational weed and refuses to budget with me. My family is old school and is happy I chose to take him back for the kids. They think it'll get me to heaven. lol. I have to laugh because crying is not an option. I was depressed for two years but now I am biding my time. Believe me, you will survive this. You have more options. I am so sorry you don't have your mother's emotional support here on earth and that you lost your uncle. You are incredibly strong. Continue living, breathe. Don't forget to breathe and take in the beauty of the world around you and your children's smiles. Get lost in their eyes when you feel like you're drowning in your problems. Contest whatever you don't agree to every 15 days or so to keep his lawyer occupied. You don't need to pay a lawyer for that. Just the right forms. If you can live with it, agree and move forward. Read all the small print, ask questions. Although his lawyer is a shark, she has to tell you the truth. Get it notarized. Have witnesses. Good luck. I'm praying and rooting for you. Oh yes, keep one dog or find out if he can also support them since you have the children and they will be under your roof. As far as being over qualified, explain you will work and take a lower wage until an opening appears. Be proud of yourself. You have every right to vent. Just don't do like I did for the first year (it's so sad) and vent to whoever will listen. I was so isolated. It's really good to be home now. He works for a rich friend of his so it's ironic how life sends him all the advantages but it happened so we could all move back home and be near my family. I flew myself back here with my 5 kids knowing he had a job waiting if he chose to join us. I have more oportunities here so whatever he decides to do to me I will have a better vantage point. It's sad to live this way and wish he didn't want me back since he only 'changed' until I accepted him back and because my family would understand better if he abandoned me, but you, believe it or not-- I see you as free. You will overcome this.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 07 March 2012 19:20 posted by Guest

    @ Lipsen: @ Lipshen- I really hate woman like you. You have no moral. You should at least wait till the guy is done with his divorce from his wife before you start having a romantic relationship with him. You must be a man grabbing ugly person in & out for you to be so cruel and disrespectful. I really hope karma gets you!

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 05 February 2012 19:46 posted by Guest

    Good Luck Annie. =]: I'm sorry for your predicament..

    I'm actually helping my boyfriend go through a divorce with his wife. I can't stress out how important RESEARCH is. She wants her share in his IRA and wants to leave him with a 300,000 mortage for a 250,000 valued home. Doesn't sound fair, right? But wait a few years and HE'LL have the better end of the deal.

    One of the FIRST things you can do is check to see if your state is NOT a "NO-FAULT" state. If it is, you have an advantage because he cheated on you twice.

    Let him file for the divorce because HE'LL have to front most of the court fees and make sure you can hire the best attorney you can afford.

    Do you know what Alimony is? This is money paid to the lesser earning spouse to maintain a current state of living. Because you two have children you can stress the fact that you, "are looking for the best interests of your kids and want to keep their living situation as stable as possible." From what I read, since December 2010, your husband has had to become the money maker therefore, you can persuade the court to have him allocate his earnings for alimony.

    As for child support, if he says he found a way to lower the payments, unless he makes pennies a month, he's in for a rude awakening. Not only is it immoral, it is also illegal to lie on a government document -- look up perjury. There are ways around it such as sending the money into a 401K or IRA account for later use but whatever money he takes home in GROSS REVENUE (notice how I said gross and not net), you deserve a percentage of it for child support PER CHILD. He can give whatever amount he wants anyone but he owes you the child support on the gross revenue (money before taxes are applied). Before everything is finalized, make sure you select direct transfer of funds from paycheck option -- many mothers make the mistake of given the fathers the option to "pay them directly" and that's how child support goes missing.

    To answer your question -- can my (soon to be ex) husband force us out of the house?
    HELL NO he does not have the legal right to kick you out of the house. If BOTH your names are on the house deed, neither of you have the right to kick out the other spouse without a COURT ORDER which is usually due to domestic violence.

    And I'm sorry but, you can't force anyone to remain on a deed unless they want to just as you cannot force anyone to stay in a marriage.

    Usually the courts will award a person the house with the intent that they obtain a mortgage in their own name. This is called refinancing. Did you know that the deed is separate from the mortgage note?
    Hopefully your husband is stupid enough not to realize this so you can get his name OFF THE DEED but not off of the mortgage debt. Remember, mortgage companies DO NOT CARE about our personal mishaps and they only want one thing -- their money. Mortgage companies are one of the few entities that are exempt from a divorce decree because the contract was made BEFORE the divorce (think of it like a grandfather clause).

    Hope this helps! Please comment below. =]


  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 04 February 2012 17:50 posted by Guest

    I know it happened to me,: I know it happened to me, husband cashed several of my checks . We have seperate accounts and different banks.
    He was able to do this because he knows the bank managers.
    What ever happens during your marriage is community property.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 04 February 2012 17:47 posted by Guest

    if the loan mode doesnt work,: if the loan mode doesnt work, go to an bk attorney and file chapter 13 to do a cramm down to the appraised value.
    And you need to be on title very important. Dont move out. YOu will be stuck with payments and he can keep the house.
    A good bk attorney will know how to do this.
    Take your heart out its all business.

    You will come out after cramm down with a lower loan amount and keep your sanity.
    Dont tell him this make up something else. He will turn the tables on you.
    He can sign a quick claim over to you and your responsible. But in the end you will have a chance to keep the house.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 04 February 2012 17:41 posted by Guest

    Go to your local court and: Go to your local court and file a restraining order and kick out order with support, the court help center should help you file.
    get a lawyer quick and file, your alimony and child support is based on his past income. Doesnt matter if you just started.

    Dont trust him, just go by the law, and dont let him near you , when he is served have his stuff ready by the door and have the sherrif there in the house with you.
    And start reseaerching sociopath. Anyone that can be that cold and callculating waiting for you to go to work and drop that bomb on you. Is cold and out for himself.
    PS they have away with making thier female therapists adore them. Watch out!
    save all documents , computers, etc, etc, you can tecnically sell everything but you will have to pay him half for what its worth!~
    But if its gone before your divorce filing! Then you dont

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 26 January 2012 08:35 posted by Guest

    House: After my mother died in my arms suddenly at our home, and my uncle was murdered, my husband said he wanted a divorce about 6weeks later. I know, what a prince! He has been unfaithful at least twice and both times he cried and begged me to go to marriage counseling. I did, and before you roll your eyes at my stupidity in staying with him let me give you some background. The first time my husband told me of his infidelity I had just had a baby. He woke me up panicked that he might have contracted an STD. Not because he felt guilty. The second time I was 8.5 months pregnant. I allowed myself to almost blame myself for his behavior due to restrictions with our sex life. He said he just needed it and he was very sorry. I was so busy trying to handle the damage control I just went on. Well after 13years of marriage and me being a stay at home mom for two, my husband said he wanted a divorce. This was after a very romantic weekend. I've been trying to re-enter the workforce and was actually hired. At the end of our romantic weekend, cuddling and laughing on the couch,he asked "So,when do you start the new job? And, I remember being nervous and not understanding why I felt nervous. You see, I had gotten a call the previous Friday, and told that a hiring freeze had been instated. I told my husband and he looked at me and said "I want a divorce". You see, although I have been a stay at home mom, I've always contributed money to our family by programming curriculum for youth centers. He's never truly been the sole bread winner. He makes very good $$ in the low $100,000's, but before all the horrible personal losses he never had to put gas in my car, or buy the groceries, or even buy the kids their clothes or birthday gifts. I did it. And that was fine! Well, we all know how the economy is and unfortunately program money has dried up. So, since Dec.2010 he's had to help out in those areas. I have done and am doing everything I can to limit the amount I have to ask for, but I've sold all my mom's jewelery and continue to send out resumes, but either the positions I qualify for are unavailable or I get the comment I'm over qualified and they worry I won't be challenged enough. GOD! I'm not too proud to take a job scrubbing toilets. It's honest work! And it will help me be independent again. Anyway, to end a rather long rant, the question I have is this- although we've been very amicable for the last 6 months and he has agreed to let me take over the mortgage (so I can get him OUT!) We went to see a mediator this week and he once again blindsides me with the news that he wants off the deed! To limit his woes of having to limit his $125.00 green fees for golf with the guys or his purchase of another guitar (he has 5 and he isn't in a band!) I cater parties, cook privately for a family of 7 and have now started watching a 6 year old autistic girl (she's a doll!) and a 4 month old baby and hopefully another baby next month. The problem is, if my husband pursues the removal of his name from the deed, I will have to qualify for the mortgage loan. I'm sure you see my predicament. I won't be able to qualify. He says I'll just have to rent (which in our area is more than our monthly mortgage) and we have two large dogs. One, that my daughter wrote to Santa for 2months straight after my mother died. She wrote that she was afraid to sleep at night since her Granny was no longer in the room next to her. My children are under 10 years old. He (excuse my language) had the balls to say that the kids would be fine, and they would learn to deal with their sacrifices. Well, I think losing your grandmother at the age if 62 and uncle who was more of a grandfather is already a pretty big sacrifice. Boy, I'm rambling! Sorry. Back to my question. Does he have a legal right to basically kick us out of the house? I'll have to burn money in rent , probably get rid of our pets (or more likely he'll buy a condo (he has 20years with the company) and he'll say he can take the dogs) That will tear at the kids. They'll probably secretly desire to be with the precious pets, but they won't want to be away from me, so they'll just feel so torn! It's just not fair to them. I've become used to and almost fascinated to see how -----y he'll treat me. It now just amazes me how blind I've been. It's no one's fault but my own. I can deal with that, but now he's messing with the kids. That's NOT going to happen if I can help it! I feel like I'm playing chess, and I have to think 3 moves ahead. My family is all out of state and his doting mama is in Berkley. Her best friend is an assistant DA in San Francisco and has told him (actually written a plan of action to limit his amount of child support) during this fiasco. I found the note and confronted him, and he admitted it! What an ASS! In my defense,I've tried to be the level headed one. I demanded we see a marriage counselor while going through this ordeal. You see, I wanted this marriage to end now too. He just said too much. Did too many cruel things. For example; I had put the kids to bed one night and then took a shower. I locked the bedroom door and cried in the shower. He unlocks the door to get his gym clothes and says to me "For Gods sake Annie get over it, she's been dead 4 weeks". This is after she came to me at 4:17am saying she had bad indigestion and at 4:27 she was dead in my arms. While he stood in the doorway not helping to pull her off the bed to give CPR. I EVEN CALLED 911 while starting CPR. Oh, what a prince. But, in the end I wanted this nightmare to be ended as amicably as possible. So, he chose his own therapist and we went. Seperately though. He said "he'd prefer that because he has a problem with confrontation". Come on! Who says that? Anyway, his therapist said I shouldn't try to bottle up my anger/resentment because my husband has a completely different side that he shows no one, and I should take care not to trust anything he says. Seriously! Can you believe that? His own therapist! He said that my husband doesn't like people to think badly of him, so he hides his narcissistic side from others. I was blown away. I actually discussed this with him later, and he said "That's true". Well, at least he admitted it. So, to recap- can he makes us leave?
    Thanks for putting up with my bitter ramblings (haha) I feel better!

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 14 October 2011 03:12 posted by Guest

    House: For me, I think I'd rather sell the house, split the payment and start anew. New house.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 21 August 2011 00:16 posted by Guest

    House: Hi Sue,
    I was wondering if you ever received a response to your question you posted in May? I am in the exact situation and was curious. Thanks

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 29 July 2011 13:16 posted by Guest

    The courts do not consider: The courts do not consider what a spouse may or may not inherit. I think the case will be decided based on your current situation.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 29 July 2011 06:18 posted by Guest

    House Deed My rights since Remarriage to HIM: Husband was awarded our house when we divorced Jan. 2007 because I was in default and just wanted out. We reconciled and I moved back into the home that same year on 12-2007. He had never removed my name from the deed or mortgage loan or informed the military. I still was covered with medical insurance through the military and when I moved back in we went to get me an updated military ID card as still married. The Taxes we filed 2008-2010 as married/joint.
    Texas law where we live does state 3 things qualify this as common law marriage. But I wanted to protect myself further because I researched that it may be hard to prove all three if you go through a divorce. So I told him that due to him just changing jobs the dream he had of wanting a big wedding this time around we may not be able to afford. I said, we need to formalize this. After all we are in a commented relationship acting as husband and wife and completing documents as such. I told him we could back date the marriage to when we know that we considered ourselves to be husband and wife. In Texas that is called an "Informal Marriage" :
    I wanted to keep our original wedding day. So I said, I lets put it for 12-27-2007 cause I did move on on 12-23-2007 anyways? At first he said, yeah baby whatever makes you happy. The day we were set to both go to the court house he says, I don’t want to put down the year 2007, he said, I think your up to something. I couldn't believe that. I have never hurt him like he did with sneaky things in our prior marriage. But here he says that! I said, like what? What and how could I possibily be trying to do by telling the truth of when I moved in with you again. I said, you didn't object about doing taxes as married huh? He said, think you are trying to get my Camaro that I rebuilt that year. I said, what! He said, I will agree with 12-27-2008.

    Well here we are just months after do the document at the courthouse.....he keeps all his money in his acount his name only. Makes me pay for all my own things, all food, clean, cook, errands, yard....taxes, his debt get creditors off his back....all kinds of things. He buys autos, puts in his name only, sells and buys and I see nothing. Has a locked vault....with our supposed cash. I have no combo. I talked to him and he refuses to at least list me as pod on his account just in case he dies. Or give me the combo. I told him I won't do things around here or buy food either. He left the house for 4 days ago. Didn't answer when I tried to call. I was shocked. Then he had me served with divorce papers. This is something we promised one another that we wouldn't do. Cost us both more money without being honest about feelings and discussing things first before we do something sneaky. He has broken so many promises. He is so disrespectful.
    I didn't sign for them yet. But I call husband upset and leave a message. FINALLY after hearing that I know what he did he calls. I tell him how he truly broke my heart that he promised me that he wouldn't do this again without talking about things first that the whole way he did this was sneaky and we are now both going to be doing exactly what we didn't want to do again. But now he has made it ugly. Later he calls again saying he wants to talk and I better listen. He makes all these demands and insults me telling me all the things he hates, everything that is going is all my fault as usual. Tells me if I agree to his terms we can work on the marriage! If not the divorce docs state i have only 2 weeks to move out is what he says!
    Short version of everything. But because he got the house in the divorce we went thru by default, but never took my name off the mortgage or deed and then we remarried and I have the court document showing that we did remarry. Why don't I have my rights back to the house? What else should I have completed to make sure I would have. All the trucks and cars he bought I have not one key, he titled all to him. Amazing. He is making me get rid of my 2 dogs, and making sure that he is in control of all his retirement, bank account, joint assets he buys.....
    Which we have no kids between us. If I agree to all his terms to buy time he would drop it. I would make sure to see the document first. Please someone tell me what I should have done to get my rights back on the house. I may get him to drop the divorce to work like hell to get things lined up. I feel I have done so much for this man with no appreication or anything in return. He just does not care for me at all. I will never trust in him again.
    This man has watched me pay for all his kids things, the yard stuff, entertainment not giving me a dime back. I make only 800 a month. Recently stopped working to care for my day who just died this past June. He files for divorce with no discussion or warning that he will file or he is unhappy....amazing. Please anyone with Texas law knowledge concerning anything on the house of other topics help me.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 12 July 2011 18:12 posted by Guest

    I think financially it would: I think financially it would be better to keep the house in a divorce, but not emotionally. Choosing your home is a very important decision; it is the one place that is supposed to be yours when you need time to yourself. I wouldn't think it very wise to continue living in a home by yourself (or with your kids) when you have shared this home with your husband for many years. Unless you are a very strong individual who can separate the emotions associated with the home, I would not advise staying there. My husband and I recently got divorced and I, regrettably, decided to keep the house. It has just been me and my daughter for the past two years and I have never forgiven myself for making such a decision. First off, a huge house for just me has led me to have certain security concerns. I looked into home security systems a while ago but found that I cannot afford it at this time. So here I am, a single mom in an empty house filled with memories that is also far too big to feel safe in. I'm not saying all women should sell their home in a divorce, but I thought I would share light on the other side of the issue as well since I personally experienced it.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 06 July 2011 05:19 posted by Guest

    Rent or Sell?: I've just learned my husband wants out of our marriage of 17 years. We moved as a family to a different city, while my husband commuted and are renters. Until putting our house on the market a month ago, it was a rental property. My question is, will it be a better deal for me to hold on to the house as an income property especially in this down market? We have an offer, but I'm inclined not to sell at this time, so that I can maintain the security an income property offers. It's currently vacant and we are stretched to our financial limit with our mortgage and our apartment rental, as well as our credit card debt. I've mainly been a stay at home mother to my three children from a previous marriage and to the son we have together. I have no personal income or savings. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 29 June 2011 00:15 posted by Guest

    Keeping my house after divorce: Is it possible for the wife to keep the house after divorce to raise her children because the husband will inherit millions and millions of dollars from a family business?

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 11 May 2011 00:31 posted by Guest

    House: My husband and I are going through a divorce and I want to keep the house. The house mortgage is in his name but we are both on the deed. We are upside down and are working on a loan modification but are currently negative $200,000 in equity. If I kept the house would I have to buy him out or does the fact that I am am taking on the negative equity counteract that? Los Angeles county, California.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 10 May 2011 01:31 posted by Guest

    Divorce and property/fraud and financial irresponsibility. : Question ? Been married 30 mnths ; within that time frame I've been deployed on gov't contracts;each time that I come home there is almost nothing in the joint account; items check list shows abussive irresponsible spending so I opened a secondary account in my name only take it into account that even the a count manager was asked to note the account per me no other party is to access this account and it was states that my wife does has a power of attourney but this account is excluded her name is not listed on the account. After spending over 150,000+dollars in three years she has not yet shown evidence that proves anything was done on my behalf at all and the bank continues to let her take money out of my personal account and even let her mother act as a third agent on my account and take money from my personal account is this legal.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 06 April 2011 02:05 posted by Guest

    Should I keep the house?: If you want an opinion, you must indicate which state you live in. The reality is that you can search for information regarding divorce laws in your state online. The county where you live likely has divorce documents online. It can be helpful to review these to determine what information you will require. Some states are "no fault", some are community property (50/50 split) and others are Equitable which means an attempt is made to consider the financial circumstances of each party and divide property with consideration to earning ability and contributions to the marriage. Even in "no fault" states, there may be consideration given to dissipation of assets. If a spouse misused marital funds e.g. on an extramariltal relationship, gambling, even giving away money, you may be able to recover some of those funds. Know your state laws. If you have a situation outside of the norm, you may need an attorney.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 04 March 2011 03:07 posted by Guest

    Who should keep the House?: Who should keep the House , it is one of the biggest issue in most of the divorced cases .You have to be aware of the situation and make decision accordingly .There are many issues related to this like will you really buy them out,can you afford the payments on the house? You need to be completely realistic.


    Real Estate Attorney Los Angeles

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 05 February 2011 16:22 posted by Guest

    She left: If she left YOU, then there is a very large possibility she owes you back money on half of each bill, as well as continue to pay half on all future bills. I'm going through the same myself.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 27 January 2011 03:26 posted by Guest

    Divorce and House: I was award my home in the Dirvorce Decree and my husband was to pay the remaining balance and transfer all documents, he has not complied with the Court Order and the house went on the Court house for sale last month, I have a Attorney he assured me we had an extenion till this was resolved, insted the house went on the court house corner for sale, the new owner came and informed me he bought our home and we had to move, my Attorney had me ask some friends to borrow the money to give the new owner the fee he paid but it was to much to come up with in a short time and i lost my home, we are in the process of packing, I thought there would be some law to protect the other spouse when the other will not comply with court orders. Any advise.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 02 December 2010 17:47 posted by Guest

    keeping home: If your husband packed up and moved out without saying anything, then You can legally get him charged with 'abandonment'. This can sometimes ensure that in the courts eyes things would be more in your favor. Instead of the sometimes 50/50 split of assets, you could be awarded a larger percent, and a higher monthly alimony amount.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 12 November 2010 07:36 posted by Guest

    how do i keep mairtal home: I have been married to my husband for 8 years. Before we was marriage he brought a home I help him with a loan for closing cost and keep the home up for tents when they move out the apartments. We have 4 children from other relationships 2 move out the home 2 still live in the house and my grandchild. During the first separation in 2007 my husband brought a home and told me that he purchase a home for him and his son. He return back home after 3month with his son. When my husband lost his job. He applied for SSDI said he didn't want to work anymore can became depress was on medication start school and most of the time he would wake up leave out and come in at night. My husband attend NA meeting he turn the 3rd home into a recover home made 8 room home. When I was at work my husband pack up that morning with out staying a word and move out. Our separation was about 1 year after he lost his job he moved into his recover home. In May 2010 my husband stop paying the mortgage and in august 20009 he stop paying the bills for the home we live in together with out telling me. II had to stop fore closer by paying 3month mortgage and pay all late bills coming in the home. I would like to keep our house but the value has up before he left I remodel the kitchen and put in all new wall unit while I was remodel he was see a divorce attority. I do not want the divorce, and not sure if he want a divorce, some time I think his bills is about 10,000. from creditor he tell me he must divorce so he can file bankrecey . We been to counseling lack of communication has been the problem. Ky question is Can I keep the home I live in. He has spend all 401k, retirement funds, clean out all bank accounts . He know I want the home and has offer it to me because he want to keep the home in which he live in now with his clients. How can i keep my home???

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 09 June 2010 13:10 posted by Guest

    House refinancing and divorce: My soon to be ex and I agreed he would keep the house we bought together. He was ordered last July to refinance the home and give me my portion of the equity within 90 days. Here we are almost a year later and he has not done anything. If he was ordered by the Court to refinance, but didn't, isn't he in contempt of court? We did not have a judge assigned to our case for a few months, BUT the order was made prior to that time. My ex vowed he would do everything to make me suffer financially....and I'm fed up. He also refuses to pay the 2 credit cards we had together, so I have been paying them.
    Any advice to speed things up?

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 07 April 2010 13:55 posted by Guest

    Divorce and the House: In March 2009 my divorce was final. Ex agreed to give me the house with the understanding that I wouldn't pay him out because of a major credit card that I would take over. The lawyer calculated with what I would have to pay him out and him paying me half for the credit card it would be a wash. The divorce decree states I am responsible for the house in which I have been for the past 13 months. I have no issue with that. I wasn't qualified for the assumption to put the house solely in my name. So his name remains on the loan. It has recently come to my attention that if I'm not able to get his name off the loan and I continue to pay the mortgage myself for months or years until I decide to sell, I have to give him half of what I sell the house for. Is this true? Please advise.

    Thank you.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 05 April 2010 14:01 posted by Guest

    I owned my house 2 years prior to marraige. : Before I started dating my wife I purchased my home using profit from my previous home for the downpayment. Two years later we married and she and her son from her first marraige moved in. During the six years of marriage I paid all of the mortgage payments and the vast majority of utility bills and at least half of all other expences.
    Now during the divorce she is trying to get half of the equity in the house of which there is less than what it was when I purchased the home and on the date we were married.
    There is also a home equity loan that I didn't have prior to the marraige of 95,000.00. She benefitted from the loan in forms of paying off her credit cards and many vacations and luxuries.

    Any sugestions?

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 03 April 2010 09:08 posted by Guest

    She left: My wife left a week before Christmas, and has hardly contributed to our bills for a long time, only to hoard the money evidently to leave. Getting paid once a month from the School system here in NC,she works as a teachers asst and has only put 2 paychecks in bank to cover bills since May 2009. Now she is gone and i am in rears wth mortgage,and about to lose my home due to this. Her name is on the mortgage, isn't she responsible for half the mortgage payment. She has been getting Child Support from my step daughters father for years and has not put that toward bills either, but hoards that as well. She in my mind ,should be responsible for her half especially after she put me in such a HOLE financially, the worst i hve ever been in. I am trying toget full custody of my 6 yr old son and move back to NY. She i abusive to me as well as the kids. Bottom line, Is she responsible for half the mortgage even though she moved out? Plse helpme . Thanx , Kevin

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 11 November 2009 12:50 posted by Guest

    I married in 2000: I been married for almost 10 yrs, 8 years together before that I started working at home 1n 1995 i started day care in the home. What chances do I have on getting the house. no children together.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 22 July 2009 01:38 posted by Guest

    divorce and house: Hello, just read your piece on should you keep the house. First I have been married to my husband for 31 years and we lived together for 4 years prior to marriage. We were married 10 before having our first child and waited almost another 6 years before I had my 2nd. Both our kids are grown, one still lives at home after just graduating. My question is we acquired a lot of bills when my husband lost his job. He was off for about 10 months and I finally helped him to get an interview for another which he was hired. In the mean time I lost my job and because in part our credit has been damaged I am having trouble finding a new position. During the years of marriage I have mostly worked if not full time then part time. I was the primary caregiver to our kids, maintained a home/yard while working. I would like to keep our house but the value has dropped and I have no equity at this time. Will my husband be required to accept any of the debt we now have? We filed a bankruptcy some 23 years ago after my husband was hospitalized a number of times and we did not have insurance and had outrageous debt from that. I worked very hard for the next 7-10 years to get our credit back and when he was laid off he seemed to just let our credit go down the tubes. While my husband may have made more money during our marriage, I was the one making sure it went to good use. Will the fact that we have been married for the length of time have any effect on what the judge determines. I do not want the divorce, I would like counseling which we can not afford. My husband canceled my health insurance under the rue that he would be able to pay down more of our debt if he did not have to pay for my insurance (his is part of his benefit package) my insurance cost almost $600 a month. He has failed to pay down any of the debt and I now no longer have insurance.