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Has your loving and affectionate child suddenly become unrecognizable to you? Does your child make you feel like you are the worst parent in the world?

If so, your former spouse may be turning your child against you. Known as parental alienation or parental alienation syndrome, simply put it means your ex is manipulating and pressuring your kid to reject you.

Part 2 of this series will give you the tools to recapture your healthy relationship with your child. But first you need to arm yourself with knowledge. How does parental alienation work and how to do you spot it?

Typically, your child's pattern of rejection results when your ex engages in destructive acts such as:

  • Speaking poorly of you
  • Limiting contact with you
  • Interfering with communication between you and your child
  • Emotionally punishing your child for expressing anything positive about you
  • Telling your child that you do not love him or her

Parental alienation occurs often, but not always, in the context of divorce and custody battles. No one knows how many children are exposed to parental alienation or show signs of the parental alienation syndrome, but we do know that it can happen to mothers as well as fathers, to custodial parents as well as non-custodial parents and to kids as young as toddlers or as old as teens. It is marked by sudden changes in your child's interactions with you and you'll see new personality traits begin to emerge.

Here are some attitudes and behaviors to watch for:

Leave me alone. Your child is filled with animosity toward you. When confronted and reminded of the good times you two once shared, she insists you two NEVER had a good relationship — although you know that is not true. Suddenly, your once-loving and affectionate child seems to fear and, in some cases, despise you. He may even be reluctant to share a meal with you as though merely being in your presence is unbearable. When you question this, your child gives you frivolous and absurd reasons for this newfound negativity.

It's all your fault.Your child acts as if the other parent can do no wrong. Everything the other parent does is perfect in his eyes — something your child never seemed to feel about your ex during the marriage. Your child seems to forgive your ex — even the most inexcusable behavior — while ridiculing you for minor flaws and infractions.

Yeah, what he said.Your child consistently sides with your ex. And it seems she is following a script when she is talking about you, using some of the same labels your ex has used to describe you. He will repeat the same words and phrases, as if he is relying on words that are not his own and may have been rehearsed beforehand.

Family ties no longer bind.Your child shows no guilt about her shabby treatment of you. And she not only rejects you, but by extension, your family as well. Formerly beloved aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents are now shunned. And your child doesn't want to attend important family events such as weddings, reunions, even funerals.

Influence? What influence?Your child vehemently denies being influenced by your ex. When you note that he is using words and phrases that appear to parrot the other parent, your child dismisses you. In fact, he scoffs at the idea of being coached by anyone.

Check out Part Two of this series: 7 Steps to Combat Parental Alienation

Click the following for more articles and videos on Kids, Family, And Divorce

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312 comments

  • Comment Link sally Saturday, 12 April 2014 04:23 posted by sally

    This is the bottom line on all of this....it doesn't even have to be your ex doing it as with what is going on with me it is a sister in law who wants control, this is all called Selfishness...SELFISHNESS..Meaning..it Has To Be all About You or the person who is doing it. People need to stop it

  • Comment Link Mary Ann Friday, 11 April 2014 04:48 posted by Mary Ann

    My ex husband is doing the same thing to me.... I havent seen my daughters since January 6, 2014 and the courts will NOT do anything about it!!!

    I pay him child support too!

  • Comment Link Trisha Tuesday, 08 April 2014 05:24 posted by Trisha

    My ex husband is doing that to me.. I'm a mother is paying child support never see her 2 children sad story.

  • Comment Link KATHY LOVELADY Friday, 04 April 2014 16:31 posted by KATHY LOVELADY

    AMEN

  • Comment Link shelley ormrod Tuesday, 01 April 2014 16:49 posted by shelley ormrod

    i have 3 kids by my ex boyfriend i have not seen them for 10 years now my ex went off with someone else did not want to know the kids to i meet someone else so he took the kids off me then made the kids hate me now they think i am the bad one and he the good one and now they will not talk to me i miss them so much dont know what to do

  • Comment Link wishicouldfly1 Saturday, 29 March 2014 14:52 posted by wishicouldfly1

    I had know idea that these things were going on until it happened to me, my ex and I still live in he same house and it is now a year that he has chosen not to speak to me, I have endured this for many years on and off talking nicely to me when friends and family are around and then reverting back to mr nasty when everyone has gone. My ex said that he wishes I drop dead and has called me every name you could think of and all in front of our son. My son knows that what his dad is doing is wrong but his dad is very firm I am more gentle and understanding. He has been showered with gifts I couldn't possibly afford and he is now at his dads beckon call as he has given him a mobile phone .I have told my son that I understand and I know he is trying to protect me by agreeing with his dad but it hurt so much, luckily my son confided with his teacher and he has a mentour which really helps him. Its so wrong why do parents do this dont they know how much its hurting everyone.

  • Comment Link Kerry Wednesday, 19 March 2014 13:45 posted by Kerry

    My ex has been telling our daughter he will pay for dance classes but then tells herbs should pay some as well even tho my daughter no I have no money spair this is putting other on me and making me feel very badhe has also turned my eldist ddaughter agenst me thro being her gifts iv not seen her for 8 months and hes doing the same to my 8 year old if i done do as she say she will scream and throw things what can I do I have messages he sent to our daughter

  • Comment Link Michael C Darker Wednesday, 12 March 2014 01:58 posted by Michael C Darker

    My ex has been doing this for years with my two oldest children ages 12 and 17. Now she's trying to do it with my 6 year old son who loves me more than anything in this world! I raised him when we were together-I was a stay at home dad when she got pregnant the third time and anyway, been seperated for almost years and she's put me through hell with my children. I lost the two oldest, I try to give them my love and invite them over but then Julie-their mom, started letting them stay home on weekends alone instead of coming to my home for visitation! It's my fault that I let her get away with it because I hate the whole court system but, figured she had the two oldests brain washed. But I can't let her do this to my little boy..we're all each other really has, we're pals man.. I don't know how someone could be so mean to another human being-let alone the fact that she's hurting the children by not letting them have a relationship with me. My two oldest could care less about me. That sh*t hurts man..really bad. But I'm not going to let this woman get away with this-I hate the court system but, if it means it'll bring me and my son back together than I'll do what ever it takes. It should be against the law for a parent to do this to both the children and the other parent..

  • Comment Link esau2277 Thursday, 06 March 2014 12:47 posted by esau2277

    Great article, I think I have a similar problem. However I don't know what to do. I have had a bad relationship with my ex and my oldest son. A few weeks ago my son sent me a message stating that I am a bully. He also made a statement that I called my daughter white trash and that I am cruel to my mom and my system. I called my son on the statement of me calling my daughter "WT" he told me that my younger son told my older son. I know I never said that andNEVER would. Just because I needed to confirm my insecurities I asked my younger son and daughter if I ever called my daughter WT. My other children told me WITHOUT question I never said that. I even went as far as to ask my sister and mom if they think I treat them badly. They both said Im ridicules for asking and it is far from the truth.

    Having this confirmed information I mentioned this to my son. My so got angry and said to me that he knows what is true and "if i need to believe that" then fine I know the truth. Sometime when my son and I text. My son have the same verbiage that my ex wife has. it seems that it is my ex talking NOT him.

    I texted my ex wife about if and told her what happened. She called my son on this and my son got very upset. my ex wanted me to go talk to him with her and talk. I couldn't. Both of them are pretty nasty to me and I said that I will go to therapy with my son and talk about it.

    my ex turned on me stating that I am horrible, told me to f'off many times and then said to me she believed her son and not me regarding the lies. My ex has hated me for a long time. I see my relationship with my oldest son falling apart.

    Please help :(

  • Comment Link Jonel Tuesday, 04 March 2014 01:41 posted by Jonel

    Why my boyfriends son always ask his dad to do everything? I don't understand this child stays with his mother 90 percent of the time?

  • Comment Link Jonel Tuesday, 04 March 2014 01:39 posted by Jonel

    Why my boyfriends son always ask him to do everything? Mom never do anything but he stays with his mom?

  • Comment Link spudster60 Sunday, 02 March 2014 23:31 posted by spudster60

    We must ensure that all parents, teachers, counselors, attorneys and judges are made aware of Parental Alienation. Listening to all of your stories make my heart hurt for you and most of all for the defensless children. What can we do as a group to bring this horrifying situation to the attention of others?

  • Comment Link Michael Sunday, 23 February 2014 14:55 posted by Michael

    my daughter is now 17 and over the last 2 years has become disrespectful and dismissive of me. I have always been a very supportive and loving father. When she has studied for exams I have helped and tried to motivate her. I have always been in her corner and encouraged her to treat others well and be responsible for her own action.
    Her mother left me for another man, this was her second marriage, we split the time with own daughter 50%. In the last 2 years my daughter has changed and spends more time with her mother and less with me. From her words I recognise her mother's nasty tone and expression. I have developed clinical depression since this change and find life very dark. I love my daughter and cannot believe why she has turned against me.

  • Comment Link Johan Saturday, 22 February 2014 00:59 posted by Johan

    Why are you, as a woman, writing this article when it is mostly women that engage in turning the children against their father? You know its true. Women will stoop as low as they need to, even make false abuse accusations, to prevent their child from seeing his/her father.

  • Comment Link Mike Friday, 21 February 2014 02:50 posted by Mike

    I have some of your messages and it makes me so sad. I'm an alienated parent also going on 5 years. I miss my twin boys . People are so cruel. I feel sympathy for all of you suffering. Sometimes it's so surreal and tough. I love my sons and I know you love your children also. Pray without ceasing.

  • Comment Link richard Palmer Monday, 17 February 2014 04:17 posted by richard Palmer

    My wife is suffering from depresssion due to the bullying she receives from her Exhusband and Her daughter i wouldtruly like to know the best way i could help her during theese ruff times.

  • Comment Link v Friday, 14 February 2014 00:51 posted by v

    My children live with me. My ex husband is a very manipulative and sick. My oldest son hates me, the youngest questions me about what I do with his father's child support. Both boys feel I don't deserve it. There isn't an opportunity my ex won't take to make life hell. He trashes me to the boys, won't tolerate anyone speaking highly of me. His family members encourage my teen to run away, they even pick him up and hide him from me. Because my son sneaks out willingly it's not kidnapping. I have gone to court over and over with relatively nothing accomplished. He may not get to see them for a week or two but that's it. Before all of this my children and I were very close. I recently found texts on my oldest son's phone where he said that someone was telling him to be bad at my house and he wishes it would stop. I can't believe that a father would want to hurt a kid like this. Back in court tomorrow, I am so done with this...

  • Comment Link Nomore Sunday, 09 February 2014 17:52 posted by Nomore

    My ex has slept with the of my friends. limits my time and ability to communicate with my children. She tells me I am a manipulative abuser that she never wants to talk too. My social live is isolated and I now trust no one. All i asked for was open communication. I gave up a promising career I was passionate about for my family and have never used a babysitter for 15 years. And I'm a monster? what is wrong with this world. I love my kids and care about their Mom. But the emotional abuse is getting old.

  • Comment Link Nomore Sunday, 09 February 2014 17:51 posted by Nomore

    My ex has slept with the of my friends. limits my time and ability to communicate with my children. She tells me I am a manipulative abuser that she never wants to talk too. My social live is isolated and I now trust no one. All i asked for was open communication. I gave up a promising career I was passionate about for my family and have never used a babysitter for 15 years. And I'm a monster? what is wrong with this world. I love my kids and care about their Mom. But the emotional abuse is getting old.

  • Comment Link cyndi Sunday, 09 February 2014 13:33 posted by cyndi

    I would like to say that I have been an alienated parent for 20 years now. Part of it was my fault, most my ex and his mom's evil. My kids were basically kidnapped from me and never returned. I couldn't fight in court because I didn't have any money and also because I knew the fighting would never end. I guess I just decided my kids deserved a somewhat normal life and that meant I couldn't be in it. If I had fought and fought as I had done for years, they would have had a hell of a life. I sacrificed myself for them. It didn't have to be this way, but my ex was and is EVIL. I am also a Christian. My ex and his mom are catholics and they wanted my kids out of my Christian influence. So, 20 years later I now have grandkids who I can't and don't see. It's been hell. I don't know what to tell some of you, other than the only thing that got me through this and still gets me through this is God. I accepted Jesus into my life 25 years ago and He has not failed me. I sometimes wonder why He allowed my ex to do what he did, but I made mistakes. The biggest was being naive. I should have not let my ex have the kids more than the court allowed him to. My kindness in letting him have liberal visitation was my downfall. I was a kind idiot. I also had money problems there at the end, so I know my kids were suffering. I moved a few times too and they didn't like that. But I gave them Jesus, although they didn't want Jesus. So here I am some days very sad. Other days God picks me up and gives me a smile. In the end, we are all alienated from God. We turn our backs on Him and spit in His face. He is our FAther, yet we shun Him. Jesus died so we can reconcile with Him. Will we? I pray for all of you and hope things change for you. I know for me they haven't but I still love the Lord. This loser mom is a winner at one thing: I have not turned my back on God even though I have been through hell. My reward will be heaven, and up there I will never cry again. I look forward to that day. This life is very hard.

  • Comment Link Ann Williams Wednesday, 05 February 2014 21:22 posted by Ann Williams

    My kids father recently married and I am not happy about it b/c the wife has disrespected me in many ways and it all started with the dad. When they first made it official b/f the marriage we had an heated argument in court and I told him as I yelled I referred to the wife as a bitch and he went back and told her I called her a bitch from that day on that girl made it her business to harass me by posting things on facebook and social media. My kids father and I were on the phone one day and as we spoke he said tell her to her face now on the phone what you said about her that you called her a bitch. Well the wife got on the phone and I said it was out of line maybe at the time for me to call you a bitch I know It was not right in my part that's all I said. well after that he left on a business trip and she made it her business to make my life hell through social media, saying things such as if she didn't love her husband she would have me beating, she sent me an anonymous message through facebook saying how much she hated me and that her wish was that I would died and how much of a whore I was that I did not appreciate what my kids father did for my kids that he practically supports them more than I do all these things she said. and the bad part is she even told him and when he found out he did not know how to face me he was acting weird b/c he wasn't sure if I knew about it, he then said I know you know in the midst of an argument we were having I felt so bad because here's someone I knew still loved me at the time and had not been for the fact that he was so abusive to me we would have been together. but he allowed another person disrespect the mother of his kids and still continue to do it and all he says is, it's just words and subliminal messages on social media get over it he says. I have no respect for her and I am having such a hard time because I don't want my kids living with this person this happens a year ago and recently he said she wanted to apologize to me and I said I did not need anything from her, I told him is all an act for you but you are too blind to see it. He said I was pathetic for not accepting to speak with her as if I am obligated to do so. I have never gave this girl reasons to bully me if I can say that about this whole situation if it may be the right term for it. My kids dad has become more blind after he got married and I hate that I have to be the bigger person for my kids sake. Please someone help me. I forget she has 2 kids 5 and 8 yrs old . kids of her own from someone else my kids father says those are his kids no matter what happens with her he's know the kids since they have been together 4 or 5 years I think.
    SOME PLEASE, HOW CAN I HANDLE THIS SITUATION? HOW CAN I GET OVER MY KIDS FATHER MARRYING SOMEONE I DON'T RESPECT ? HOW CAN I LET HIM SEE IF IT WERE FOR HIS WIFE HIS KIDS WOULD NOT EVEN BE IN THE PICTURE! IS ALL AN ACT EVEN IF SHE TRULY LOVES HIM.

  • Comment Link motherlove Sunday, 02 February 2014 23:11 posted by motherlove

    My 18 y/o son, who I fought for through his complete school life while his father wanted nothing to do with him, has become an ABUSER to me just like his Father. I am now facing what no one likes to address.......abuse from one's child. Like Father, Like Son..........Manipulative, Lying, Abusive

  • Comment Link daisy4 Sunday, 12 January 2014 23:25 posted by daisy4

    I can relate. My child is mimicking behaviors of hating his mother. And eventually started hitting and cussing at his mom. His mom called the police... and now the child learned he can't act that way. Without some kind of consequence.

  • Comment Link JBird Sunday, 12 January 2014 22:29 posted by JBird

    The issues I have Tiffers is that my daughters step mom, will completely curse me from my exes phone used my kids against me, trying to help gain control of my children. I checked her court records. She didn't fight for her kids. And the woman is just rotten with her mouth. He will text me right after she does asking me to pay for something then she will, "then change your number and get out of our lives" and then calls my kids hers. Plus they hack into every single thing I do. That's partially what he does for a living. There is a big difference in just being a step parent, and trying to remove the biological mother. My ex bought my daughter a car before this started happening, a really nice one. When I left him that is the first thing he took from me. He plays "nice dad" while using items for control. She texts me how she is spending all this money on my kids, and when I see them they are wearing the same clothes they have been. What you spend, what you don't spend, I have been seriously reading this girls texts and want to hang her out. I have never seen a woman who is not a childs mother work so hard to completely manipulate as he does a situation that does not need to be done to cause such havoc. He pays her well. Its just money. Well and the obvious. I was with this man for 19 years, she has only been three. Still my girls. The woman can not understand that. She doesn't get it. Less work for him. It's really sad when he has to pay a woman to degrade his ex wife constantly as much as he does. He is a real keeper. But, in his words, the kids all have their own rooms. So, they can retreat away. That's a good thing, right? Yea.

  • Comment Link tiffers Thursday, 09 January 2014 16:40 posted by tiffers

    this is so sickening to me.. :( I'm a mother of two and we have a step daughter who has all of these syndromes it's so bad that I just said I can't have her over anymore because every little thing my husband and I do get's reported back to the mom and the little girl goes on these temper tantrums when we don't do things her way. It's really sad. The mom has totally manipulated that daughter and the daughter is exactly like this.. she has no forgiveness for us or her Dad and the only person who walks on water is Mom.
    I feel bad for the little girl but there isn't much I can do it's really difficult to watch this happen. The little girl has a cell phone and apparently it's only to call her Dad with but (that's what the mom says) I'm not allowed to come in contact with the little girl because supposedly i'm a bad person. I think this mom is a piece of shit in lack of better words.....

  • Comment Link JBird Monday, 06 January 2014 02:07 posted by JBird

    I am still to this day been dealing with it. I have filed contempt. Seems like he lets everyone in on it. My oldest now literally walks out the door with my youngest, and he keeps the middle one. He has to. Only way he could get her into his good graces. Its hilarious. I keep all my messages. For an ex and others to play games with the kids and mom, you would think the court would notice that. And the reason for it. There's only one.

  • Comment Link Hayley Friday, 27 December 2013 10:31 posted by Hayley

    I have dealt with all kinds 9f this crap, and its justcrap, its a war between the parents, no one ever wins, even thru the family court of which Ive been involved with for about 10 years with no result yet,so good luck with the justice sysytem cos its not gonna happen.

  • Comment Link JBird Friday, 20 December 2013 02:21 posted by JBird

    So you had to go through all that, pay all that, and you pay him child support? And he deletes all your messages? What court did this? I am so sorry.

  • Comment Link Venae Gyuka Wednesday, 18 December 2013 20:11 posted by Venae Gyuka

    Lost Hope. Lost connection between my daughter and I. I am a childless mom. Went to court, spent 200,000 (everything) to fight for my child. It came out I was allowed joint custody but only supervised visits because I had been ill with cancer,treatments,16 surgeries and mental health issues. Have worked for same company for 25 yrs, am now worried about losing job because I am so devastated over my daughter. I can't tuck her in, she never calls or returns calls unless its xmas or bday. She said she doesn't want to live with me, wed visits are ok with her. I am looking in to moving far away, still paying child support but walking away from her life. I live, work in same community she does and many people don't speak to me. I am ostersized from community. Xmas is hardest of all. I haven't even recovered from the 2 open heart surgeries I had as a result of the breast cancer. Have phoned, visited, begged for help. Noone can help. Beautiful little girl will never get to know her mom. She is 12 years old and I don't even know her favorite color. Her father deletes my phone messages and erases my emails etc etc. He said daughter is better off with me dead. Tried it twice-failed. No longer know what to do

  • Comment Link JoeyJ Thursday, 12 December 2013 06:41 posted by JoeyJ

    Someone please give me some helpful advice. I know I am not perfect, I know I have made some terrible mistakes in the past, I know I am emotional, but I am not a bad person who does anything to hurt someone on purpose. I was married 16 yrs, had 1 daughter who is about to become a teen. The wife had been suddenly feeling unhappy with me and was isolating herself from me for months before I decided one day to go out with friends to a stripper bar to unwind. Her boss whom I suspect wanted to get in her pants was there and she found out about it. She immediately asked for a divorce, moved into an her own place, took my daughter and dog with her. Since then I have tried everything to ask for forgiveness, never had an affair, and do love them very much. We both have lots of debt which I am trying to dig out of, but because of this we have little money (if any leftover). She used this as another excuse for why she was not happy. I understand I have to learn to move on, but lately she has turned my daughter against me. She has spent only 1 night at home since the separation this year. Now its Christmas. I delivered a small tree to them so they can cheer up but they acted like I was an intruder. I can't sleep at night and it is tearing me apart because I am a Dad who truely loves and cared for my family. She is always reminding me its over and threatens me with divorce, child support, etc. I do give her some money every month and will give her more as soon as I can eliminate the rest of the debts that we accumulated. I just can't believe how someone who seemed so happy all these years can get so cold over me bar hopping one night and throw everything away. I would have easily forgiven her if it was her. How can I get my child's love back. She seems over me already. This just kills me.

  • Comment Link JBird Tuesday, 10 December 2013 01:19 posted by JBird

    Marco Z, who has your kids now? And do you actually stop communications between your ex and her kids? It sounds a little like the original post is about you..... Taking kids away from their actual mom is something I never understood. How would a woman that was a half decent person not want the kids mom to communicate or spend time with her. That was rhetorical......

  • Comment Link JaneAgatha Wednesday, 04 December 2013 01:22 posted by JaneAgatha

    My relationship with my daughter seemed to be ok until she left home and then after a while went to live with her father - my vindictive ex husband who I left because he was a bully and who did his best to ruin my life by all means available to him that did not involve getting caught and facing a prison sentence. She has continued to live in the same city where he lived. Progressively she has turned against me, ran me down, corrected me and has said and done many other things that hurt me deeply. I know how persuasive he can be. She repeats his lies about me as if they are fact. She seems to feel no guilt now when she treats me shabbily and hurts my feelings - rather as if I'm blameworthy and deserve ir, or argues the impossible, that it's "fair" then it is obvious it is not - like not having Christmas dinner with me five years straight because she was having it with her father.

  • Comment Link JBird Saturday, 30 November 2013 04:34 posted by JBird

    Mel, It is tough but you really need to get involved. I have the situation with the phones as well and my kids. You need to get the courts to intervene. You have a right to know where your kids are and have communication with them. I am documenting every single time I call my kids and it goes to voice-mail as well as who is in control of their phones and phone numbers. Constant communication is important. It is so tough when you have intervening variables as with the relationship with your children. And, if that gets taken away for any length of time, it is the other party that is at fault. The other party is at fault. Get representation. The other party in my case uses several tools, it is not uncommon for them to do so. Legal help is expensive, this I know. I was put in a situation on purpose where I would have a difficult time retaining representation, and as many times as I have been told not to fight, I won't give up. There is no one that can take you away as a parent. They can try. Your choice if you decide otherwise. On another note, don't try to rationalize things with your ex. He isn't on your side. Kids will have a hard time, it won't be easy you have to let them know you love them. Not like the other party. For real. Stay strong.

  • Comment Link Mel Friday, 29 November 2013 05:56 posted by Mel

    I have 3 kids by my ex husband . We have separated 2 years but have not gone down the legal route. When he left me , we decided to share the kids amicably. I work. He's not worked for years so he has them 13 days a month' . Since march the middle child has been diagnosed with school phobia , anxiety , depression and she was underweight and was at risk of going to a unit . As the months have gone on she's turned against me , pushed me , says she's hates me. Won't stay with me or even visit me. I've had her 20 nights in 7 months . For the 3 months she would even go outside. She lived under a duvet cover. I had to see her in his house. Ther was no encouragement from him at all. . Now he's banned me from his house, changed his house phone , hardly answers his mobile . The longer it has gone on the worse she is with me. 14 nights of those 20'nights were 2 holidays and she was lovely to me. . I call his house a jail and him her bodyguard . He has a gf now and my child has only met her 3 times for 4 nights only but apparently she speaks too her twice aday. . She wants her to be her mother but that's the gfs words. My ex or child won't clarify this . I can't even talk too my child once a week and now I hear she's moving with her dad to live with her ....... Camhs haven't been much much help because she won't let them assess her. I'm at my wits end.

  • Comment Link Jbird Thursday, 28 November 2013 18:41 posted by Jbird

    My ex started my oldest getting different phones and making it appear as though it was a business. Then he would text or call them and ask them to leave a little at a time during their time with me. My ex and I have been divorced for three years. While building his allies (he has always been a salesman) he always had a different excuse....moving, depressed, vacation, etc....as to why the kids needed to be with him. They were gaining property, opened up bank accounts in their names and started lying to me on a frequent basis. I had representation and was in the middle of a court hearing for another issue with him when this got to the severe stages. And, then the kids would either have their phone off or be shopping or other. Always leaving me guessing, my representation made no remarks about my repeated concern and then becoming frantic. He has money, he has properties, I have not nearly as much. All along him acquiring my signature in different places. I have been trying to locate the source of this issue and getting no answers at all. Other than the fact that any future representation for me is very costly. I am currently without transportation while he has several vehicles and is keeping me at a distance as to the whereabouts and actions of my teenage daughters. I am currently a college student and just at a loss as to what to do. I have been told to file motions, and then told not to. He is a controlling person in a very suave way, and I am the one stuck with the frantic, been seeking help for this, everything is costly. I am primary parent while he is pulling all the stunts....

  • Comment Link Marco Z Tuesday, 26 November 2013 16:52 posted by Marco Z

    I am going through this right now. As I just read through the list of symptoms that your ex is turning your children against you, I saw that most of them I am experiencing right now. How can I get her to stop? I want my children to be happy, healthy and want to be with me and their new family. I don't want my ex to kill their relationship with me, my family and their grand parents, which she is doing.

  • Comment Link Micayla Monday, 25 November 2013 01:04 posted by Micayla

    Why does my step daughter hide when we take pictures?
    My hubby's daughter is 13 yrs old we are going through alienation court battle because her mother has tried to keep her father out of her life. She posts stuff on social sites lying saying he's a dead beat which is so not true their daughter is friends w/ her mom and reads all of it. When asked why she tries to keep her daughter away & goes against court ordered visitation she has no answers. She tells there child lies about him even told her to cuss him out. I have been in her life for 12 yrs now & love & treat her like my own. Her mother on the other hand has had 6 dif men in her life. It hurts my feelings that she feels like she has to hide her feelings for us. She tries to hide behind my other kids when I try to take pics. I feel bad for her too because she's stuck & doesn't know how to feel & doesn't want to upset her mom. Is this why she feels she has to hide for our pics? Has anyone gone through this or any ideas? I don't force her to take pictures & I don't want to make her uncomfortable. This is going to take a long time to try to fix our relationship & her fathers & hers. We are all in family counseling ordered by the court & her mother goes but just to state she will be taking full custody & try to take his rights away. The bad thing is the 13 yr old wasn't always like this she would have fun participate in family things, but now her mother has blocked us from all social sites her phone number yes we hv her moms number but she changed her daughters. We hv no email or any means of communication & that's how her mom wants it. It's sad to see the once happy little girl afraid to feel afraid to talk. Her mother will not even try to listen & just wants revenge, but she's destroying her child in the process. I have even text her mom mother to mother very nicely asking her please don't put her through this court stuff. She didn't care.

  • Comment Link Susana Lazos Tuesday, 19 November 2013 07:08 posted by Susana Lazos

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! What can my husband do to help his girls? I'm the step mother of 3 girls 2 16 year old that off course are twins and one that is 19 with mental retardation. Honestly sometimes I thank GOD that the 19 year old has her illness because at least like that she can't understand what is going on but her mother also uses her to get back at dad. With tears I'm sharing my story. My husband has been divorced from this lady for about 13 years now but she just can't let go. Mom has always alienated the girls from their dad but the courts always said that no the kids were fine with the mom. My husband fought and fought for these girls so they wouldn't be in this situation where the mom was brain washing them but nobody did nothing about it. The mom would always say bad things about their dad to them and in front of them. She would say to the girls if you ever move in with your mommy is going to die. The girls would even tell me I Love You and when their mom heard she said NO you can't love her she is nobody to you and if you keep saying that mommy will be sad. All through out the girls life the mom has also made sure that the girls were aware that DAD never loved them and at age 13 the mom told the girls that they were a mistake they weren't meant to be born and off course blamed dad. Mom has always played a victim in this custody battle. Dad in the kids eyes he is mean and has hurt their mom. The mom lies so much that she even believes her own lies. So many times my husband talked to this lady and told her honestly you are not hurting me you are hurting my kids so grow up and move on. Leave the kids out of this. She just wouldn't listen she kept brainwashing the girls. I'm sorry but I'm just very sad as well as my husband that now we are dealing with one of my husbands daugthers that she hates us so much that she even said that she wanted to hurt us. We have her in therapy sessions. She is also taking medication for life well until she turns 18 because after 18 she decides to continue or not. Right now we have her in a mental hospital and the mom continues to brainwash her and off course the daugther believes everything the mom says about the dad to her. The daugther protects the mom so much and off course says that her mom is the best mom in the world and that her dad hates her mom. Which is not true we just don't agree what the mom is doing to her but we have not told the kid that since she is already traumatized as it is. I'm sorry Bianca that you have to go through this but papi and me just want you to have a good life so even though you hate us and want to hurt us we just can't let go you need help mami. :"( We are going to fight till the end.

  • Comment Link Patti Monday, 18 November 2013 13:03 posted by Patti

    What I'm going through isn't the same as the rest.. I'm divorced, there isn't any step mom or dad or interferring family members. What my ex is doing when he has the kids on weekends is drilling them for information and trying to drive a wedge between me and them by saying negative things about me, I know this because the kids tell me.
    They don't want to go to his house because of this. Here's where things get really bad. When I confronted my ex about this, he turned things completely around and said it was the kids saying these things about me to him. I know they didn't say any of this because the words they were using sound exactly like things their dad would say and has said. I tried talking to their dad about this in a non constructive way and even suggested that when the kids "say" these things to redirect them and correct them. His reply was "I don't lie to my kids" he basically admited that he's doing exactly what they're saying he's doing and at the same time implying that I'm the one lieing to them.. What i'm lieing about, I haven't a clue. I don't know what to do..I want the kids to have a healthy relationship with their dad, but their dad is making this very difficult

  • Comment Link Julia Kelley Sunday, 20 October 2013 18:27 posted by Julia Kelley

    My ex is trying to turn my children against me. He has been unfaithful for many years in the marriage. We have 3 children two of which have a disability. I was awarded primary physical custody. I am now trying to get guardianship of the two children, 18, and 19. The one without a disability that turned 18 moved out and in with her father. His lifestyle of addiction to sex and lifestyle has him making the girls know it is acceptable to cheat and continue to do things. My goal is to continue to love and to maintain the custody but to instill in the children that they need to love. It is hard to see what he is doing along with his family. My family has remained neutral. My divorce was granted two months ago but the attorney has not put the divorce decree together and it is going into the 2 month. No orders, no financials completed, nothing.

  • Comment Link Timothy Baker Saturday, 05 October 2013 16:08 posted by Timothy Baker

    I'm in the same shoes, my EX has turned our four children against me and all four that always have been very close never call or answer, text or want to see me anymore, them get angry at me when I ask to see them, OK , we know what this is and who's doing it but surly there must be a way threw the court or law enforcement that can stop this ? I bet if I was doing it I would be in big trouble, however I care about there future and our relationship. I am at my wits end. I got so depressed I tried to commit suicide and its affecting my relationship with my now wife to where we are ready to split up, and the guilt and depression is unbearable most of the time, IM at a loss and don't know what to do.

  • Comment Link Christine Spadafora Monday, 30 September 2013 21:39 posted by Christine Spadafora

    My husband has been turning my four children against me for years while I worked and he stayed at home getting high. He has always struggled with his addiction, and the mood swings and abuse have been terrible. Four years into the marriage I found out I had Bipolar Disorder, but I kept working and taking my medicine, but he manages to get the children to insult me, belittle me, and cause my life to be a living hell. Now he is having and affair, the children are teenagers now and with everything he has done the children want me to move out and they want to live with him. He has managed to get three of them to smoke marijuana with him, now I have four people in the house doing drugs. I don't know what to do to get my kids back, I love them very much and have worked very hard for the past 20 years. I'm lost.

  • Comment Link Anna Binaghi Rigatelli Friday, 27 September 2013 00:11 posted by Anna Binaghi Rigatelli

    My neighbors in Italy's parents are divorcing and they are making my family life a misery. They interrupt my daily schedule and come to my house to "play with my 3 children". They encourage my youngest daughter to be VERY rude to me. They are disobedient, manipulative, rude, and insolent. My littlest has a LOT of trouble with saying "no". My oldest Lucia just had a huge fight with one of them where one of the neighbors was using the divorce as a fricking excuse to get their way. Lucia has a lot of emotional trouble with this, and she HATES it when they come over because they send her rude text messages and demolish her bedroom. tHEIR Parent do not care. This is causing a lot of trouble in my family. Any suggestions on how to STOP THIS BEHAVIOUR???

  • Comment Link Conrad D Monday, 16 September 2013 21:47 posted by Conrad D

    I went through this,.. my lil daddy's girl seemed to forget all the great memories we had. Twenty five years ago after I went to rehab for drinking came back home and lost my children and home. Never was unemployed nor missed a child support check. I worked retail every weekend and it was close to impossible to get my every other weekend off. In time they no longer wanted to come for my varied visitation times. In time the visits stopped. The Mother would always have an excuse on why they could not talk on phone etc.Today occasionally there are family gatherings (holidays etc) with the heavy drinking controlling Mother present. Both children treat me their father very disrespectful when she is present. The Mother has purposely insulted my wife verbal or physically to further alienate us from both my son and daughter. (My son has told me to lick the morning dew off the front lawn one Christmas morning after I asked if I can help with Christmas breakfast.) I have no choice to move ahead without them for my life is complete turmoil when around the Mother. I miss them everyday. Today my daughter has my 3 grandaughters. My daughter is doing the exact same thing with my grandaughters, control phone calls etc. recently I asked one grandaughter why do I always call her and why she never tries to call me she said that she always asks her Mom and her Mom does not let her, she says she does not know why. I hope that someday there will be a change for the truth.

  • Comment Link steve Thursday, 12 September 2013 13:14 posted by steve

    You didn't forgive the way the children did. In their eyes u quit.....he resents it and so do the kids because it looks as tho u ruined their life. They didn't know a different life till u made dad leave. Honor your vows ,forgive, and work on your marriage. The way u both said u would...unless there's physical abuse and b honest w yourself, if there isn't then it can work out. Jesus endured much more......

  • Comment Link DadAlienatedfor15Years Monday, 02 September 2013 14:26 posted by DadAlienatedfor15Years

    And where is the question for "first-wives" to ask themselves: "Have I, as residential parent & mother, turned my children against their father?"

    Quote: "Parental Alienation is most effective when practiced by the rediential parent - regardless of gender".

  • Comment Link pinkles Sunday, 25 August 2013 07:44 posted by pinkles

    You can't change how people treat you if they want to hate you. You can only depend on Jesus Christ to never fail or forsake you. I am a Christian, and my kids hate me. I have learned to keep following Jesus and trust that He loves me. If my kids want to hate, they'll have to do it from afar. I don't take abuse from kids.

  • Comment Link curtis juniel Monday, 12 August 2013 01:01 posted by curtis juniel

    my, name is curtis j. juniel i do understand very well as a man i raise 4 boys and one girl it is ajob you don,t need the bull-s you give them love and what they need roof over their head and love intheir heart mother are father have no right to try to turn a child are childrens againt one or the other what you do in the dark will come to the light read in the holy bible of love and forgiveness it will lighting your heart live and let live its no turning back that is a fact. as peoples we will account for what we do child, childrens father and mother its all in God hand, in the name of our lord.

  • Comment Link TJ Thursday, 01 August 2013 06:56 posted by TJ

    Linda G. Don't despair. Your children are teenagers right now and still trying to figure life out. Eventually they will see your ex (their father) for what he really is and they will appreciate you. Just hang in there and try to be the best mom you can be. It may not all happen at once, or even with all of them, but some will realize it. Give them some time to grow up a bit more. Good luck to you and hang in there. Your efforts are appreciated.

  • Comment Link Linda G Wednesday, 17 July 2013 20:52 posted by Linda G

    I am in the process of divorcing and I have 3 kids, 19, 18 16. Throughout the marriage I was called stupid, and worthless, and a Bitch. Now my soon to be ex, has turned all of them against me. Saying I am crazy, My 16 year old son call me a whore, and a slut and tells me to go F myself. He buys their love with material things. I gave my life for them. Took care of them when sick, gave them rides, school, cooked, laundry, their father was never around. He was forgiven by them for things he has done . The day came, I had enough so I told him to leave. Now all the kids blame me for that. I don't even speak to them. Months. How do I move on with my life without them. Will they ever speak to me again, when I move, will they find me ?? I dont want to living anymore and I dont know how to get over this. I wish someone could give me some help with this. I am broken, Devastated, feel dead inside. What do I do now. I feel stupid, and even tho he did the things he did, like its all my fault. Someone reply if u could, please.

  • Comment Link Jane Sunday, 14 July 2013 19:24 posted by Jane

    I've been divorced 14 yrs and in spite of all my best efforts, every time the kids go to their dad's, he undoes everything I've worked so hard for, and they come back hating me.
    He tries to make them his friend and confidant, and is a horrible father with too lazy and insecure to discipline. I'm an easygoing girl who's had to be sole provider of all guidance and discipline (and most of the money too, btw), so I look like the bad guy. Oh, and he's remarried, I'm not, so they have a step family and pets at the other house, and I'm all alone - the ex and wife always gang up against me.

    I tried to take away custody but after many hours off of work down at the courthouse and $6k in debt to the lawyer, I gave up. For years now, he's done the worst kind of emotional damage a parent can do to children.

    The latest thing is, I could tell me teenager was acting oddly, and had new friends, so when he was in trouble one day, I took his phone and checked his text messages. I dutifully reported to my ex all the troublesome things my son was doing (illegal and unsafe), and told him he needed to talk with his now 6-ft tall son man-to-man and lay down the law. Put curfews and restrictions in place. My son was with his dad that day.
    When I asked the ex what rules he put in place, he said none. He also told my son I'd seen the text messages, though he and I had agreed no to reveal how I learned the information.

    When my son came back to my house and bellyached about invasion of privacy, I told him 1. it's my job to keep him safe and 2. that phone is a privilege that needs to earned and 3. He should never be doing anything so bad that he doesn't feel comfortable handing his phone over to me and telling me I can see it.

    So do you know what the "father" did? (I use the term loosely) He joked with his son about what a crazy bitch his mom is, and told him to CHANGE HIS PASSWORD so Mom can no longer check his text messages! I overheard this on the phone because his dad's voice is so frickin loud that I could hear it.

    I'm at my wits end. My son has one year left before college. The damage is done, I don't know what to do now. I made the worst mistake of my life marrying that idiot, and I have to live with it every day of my life. It keeps me up at night and even after divorcing him, he continues to ruin my life.

    What am I supposed to tell my son? How am I supposed to say nice things about his father? How am I supposed to guide him and get him to listen to and respect me, when his dad is basically telling him not to pay any attention to me, in fact, to continue trying to block and deceive me?

  • Comment Link Sam Monday, 01 July 2013 10:34 posted by Sam

    My partner has two kids with his ex & when we go & visit the kids she always has to be there. We go to the cinema, go for food etc & she always has to be there. My partner only gets to see his kids once a month and skypes them every weekend but she still sits on the computer with them & talks to my partner like hes skyping her too. She is married to someone else but he never comes along and we never see or hear of him im starting to wonder if they have split up. Anyway, obviously me and my partner dont want her there at all but he darent takeher to court incase the kids side with her and he ends up not seeing the kids at all. When looking at the relationship my partner has with his kids i feel like there is no connection as they dont really seem like they feel comfortable with him and i know this is because they never get to spend time alone without my partners ex being there. What can we do? Could someone please help?

  • Comment Link runk Wednesday, 19 June 2013 02:18 posted by runk

    I have been divorced from my ex wife for 6 years. Thee and a half years ago she moved the children 1800 miles away from me to chase after a man she was living with and married him last month. Over the years since they have left I have gotten to spend very little time with them and now this year I want to see them again but the children are refusing to even talk to me on the phone. I love my children and want to be in their lives but somehow I feel as if my ex is pushing me out. Something has happened down there for my children tohave hatetred for me. I work close to 80 hours a week just to pay the cchild support and my own bills. I want to have time with them but if I stop working to travel I will fall behind on my bills. Saving money is hard because in the economy now I am not sure if it will ever become back to normal. My ex told me yesterday that it would be better if I just walk away and stop trying g to be a part of their lives, now today I get a call from child services ....WTF.... how can I think of myself as a upstanding man if both choices I make could end up in my never ending sadness... my children are 9 & 7 by the way....need a little help here cause I don't know if I can do anything about the situation. Plus for the past three tears the children have been calling the other man dad...I feel cut out of their lives and replaced. Any help would be most appriciated.

  • Comment Link mara Tuesday, 18 June 2013 19:01 posted by mara

    To broken hearted
    i know how you are feeling cause my ex after everything went around telling people that the reason he took me to court for custody was becaus i staed i didnt want my kids anymore how sick is that now he walks around like this god who is do a banged up job aising his children and i am the one who abandoned them. I n any case he is the one who abandoned hhis family he would only come up to the house once a month after a while of him coming up every other weeked using the excuse of work at one point i didd believe him cause he would stay at his moms but then he stopped. come to find out h was living with his mistress at her mooms house in elizabeth new jersey and they were coworkers would explain why he stopped allowing me to go visit him at work with the kids. yet again i came out loosing . These freaking laws suck the coudrt dont know what is right for the kids. It would be different if i was a drug addict or alcholic or a prostitute or just like partying and have different men in and out the house but thats not the case i busted my ass alone with two kids who at the time of marriage were young depending on friends and neighbors and his mother and my parents to take me to go food shopping. and his mother another story what woman would allow their son do that to a person especially after being a great mom and wife cause she was told and shown proof of his infidelities go figure that witch.

  • Comment Link ziomara vega Tuesday, 18 June 2013 18:50 posted by ziomara vega

    I have four kids in total two ofw hich are with my ex husband my 15 and soon to be 12. fome how he manged to get physical custody of the kids because he waited till i moved to the next town over which 35 minutes away to file paper work for custody and he did it four days before i moved.We didnt even meet with a judge it was a mediator . well this wonderful mediator decided because it wsa the middle of th e school year it wsa not wise to pull them out of school . i put in for an interim order to fight it but left the case opned for the simple act that the kids told me they didnt want me to go through with all of the court issues cause it would be hurtful to me. now sometime has passed since that and my 15 year old daughter has completely changed she always used to love being with her little brother and sister and now is like whatever. she dont talk to her aunt/godmother or grandfather hardly anymore. she has become highly materialstic.anything she wants she gets.she doesnt even take pics of me and her like she does with her stepmother which is a girl taht i knew since she was 14 and would come to my house a family friend by the way.he is very highly controlling about everything days and times and me having the legal right to go on vacation with them cause i do have shared legal custody. he ruined my reputation with others and he was the one always partying and having the affair in our larriage and yet i came out loosing alot dont know how this happens. The mediator that i had dint help either cause he went in the room like he wanted don and over with didnt even really hear what i had to say.

  • Comment Link Dawn Tuesday, 18 June 2013 04:18 posted by Dawn

    I just came across this today because this is how my daughter is to me. I have been divorced for almost 10 years and it's all about control for him. We have 50/50 but when she comes back from his house it starts all over again. I pay for everything and have had to take it to a lawyer more than once to get his share, but she would never know this because he tells her what's going to fit him best. Always trying to take my days with her too. She will tell me she wants to love with him and hits me and doesn't listen but would never do that to her dad. So frustrating, but it's good to know that I'm not alone. Why do they do this to these poor innocent kids?

  • Comment Link Jeff  Chuss Monday, 17 June 2013 21:32 posted by Jeff Chuss

    I am divorced and have two daughters ages 4 and 5 years old. My ex wife does not let me see my children. She is manipulating them by not allowing me to speak with my daughters on the telephone only , speakerphone. When I had visitations she was always present. She was a distraction , it was my time with my girls. Once my sister asked to take a photo of Daddy & his daughters. My youngest child said "Mommy said no pictures ! We have joint custody. She gives me no information on their health , education , or behavior. I recently learned she had taken my children out of state to Florida without telling me. She does not work and her and my girls live with her mother at her home. I am paying Wife Support not Child support. She has completely removed me from my daughters lives. I do not call or send them cards or presents for their Birthdays. My oldest child will be starting grade school in September. I refuse to pay if she wants to send her a Catholic School. My ex wife fought for sole custody and lost in court. Now it seems she has won and has the girls to herself & mom. I believe she should get a job and stop relying on my money. I am going to take her to court for being in contempt of disobeying a court order. I hope they will give me make up visitations , make her responsible for my lawyer fees and possible jail time. Joint Support is 50/50 support. Can you believe my ex wife also kept my name her married name. Also she still has my daughters Birth Certificates and Cord blood paperwork proving that I payed for them. She has ruined my life. Now I will disrupt hers. Disagreeing with what she wants. She is greedy and selfish. I want her to get a psychological for being Bipolar and a Pathological liar. Now she is going to pay.

  • Comment Link maureen Monday, 17 June 2013 10:50 posted by maureen

    I have a 25 yr old daughter and she will not talk to me it has been a yr. This is because I fell out of love with her dad after being with him for 26 yrs I also have a 20 uxbridge old son that will talk to me and we go to lunch but he will not come up to my house . I do under stand I didn't do things the right way when I left thire dad.
    But I tryed to tell them its between the parents not them. She has bought her own house and got ingaged in this time and she won't talk to me but she will talk to her dad and his .ew girl friend. Some times I think I should ha e just stayed with thire dad just to keep my kids and every one eles happy . It hurts so bad what can I do she says I'm dead to her . Please help.

  • Comment Link jul Monday, 17 June 2013 04:04 posted by jul

    Lauren L., your kids are ungrateful & you are not to blame, HE is. Part of the blame lies with your kids too because they are mistreating you...yes, under his influence., but you need to hold them responsible too, especially now since they have become adults. It is heartbreaking. I am sorry for you. This happened to me, I used to be mother-of-the-year. But divorcing Mr. Vindictive, turned my precious children against me. They are now 27 & 30 y/o. We don't speak because they have been trained to treat me like a doormat & I am not! So I refuse to allow them to abuse me because I deserve love & respect...which is what I only give them. They are users, they have been endulged & spoiled by him & his family. I paid my way through college while working after divorcing...I was a displaced homemaker then and he took everything from me because I was naive & couldn't afford legal help. That was in 1987. Since then, I earned 2 bachelors degrees & completed 1 year law school already. In the divorce, he was ordered to pay spousal support because I gave my youth to him & the kids, but he never paid so I worked to support myself through college. It's sad at times to think what my kids are missing out on, but they don't care. I have created a lovely life for myself on my terms & it is liberating. Life is too short to try & change things that you have no control over. I'm 54 y/o. You're not alone. Make a plan of success for youself, write out your goals, & enjoy life & learn to smile & laugh.

  • Comment Link Laureen Lesiak Friday, 07 June 2013 01:54 posted by Laureen Lesiak

    I am a mother of three adult daughters, and have been divorced now for 18 yrs. My daughters were always my life, my love, they meant everything to me. They loved me, loved being with me, they were all my buddies. But when they became teenagers, something changed. My ex paid me 32% on his first salary of $34K when his salary over doubled when I asked him for his check stub for an increase -- he told me every year to f--- off.

    My oldest daughter at age 18 sends me a letter that said, wow mom, been talking to dad and he told me about all the money he gives you and he got me thinking . . we haven't seen a dime of that money? what have you done with it?

    From that letter on, it just increased, they all began to bring up things that never happened, or embellished, and yes, father and his new wife are their role models.

    Parent alienation, never thought this would happen. But I am not married, alone, there is no one on my side to stand up for me.

    So I don't know where to go from here, my heart is broken, I receive for years now, terrible emails, texts, the hatred is crazy.

    so how does one go forward in life when the three beautiful daughters you raised are no longer??

  • Comment Link JohnnyAmerican Tuesday, 04 June 2013 16:14 posted by JohnnyAmerican

    My ex wife kidnapped my kids and I did not know where they were for 9 months, I filed for a divorce and then I got served with a retraining order, that is a felony btw, it's called "retaliation". The Massachusetts courts obviously do not follow the law. After 10 years of this sub human causing me problems, her biggest mistake was keeping me and my children apart. The day that she is sent to prison will be day of celebration. It's one thing to mess with me, I have handled it loss of a union job and all. But, when this psycho brainwashes my kids....the war is on and she will lose.

  • Comment Link Brokenhearted Tuesday, 28 May 2013 03:47 posted by Brokenhearted

    I was in a psychologically and sexually abusive marriage of 22 years. I quit my job after my first son was born and I was a stay at home for 15 years. I have two boys, 16 and 13 years old. I was an incredible mom, active in all parts of my children's lives. I was basically a single parent, because my husband was a workaholic, in addition to being abusive.

    The abuse finally took it's toll on me two years ago. It got to the point that I was numb and incapable of doing even the smallest task. I saw myself as a failure as a mother and wife. I blamed myself for everything. I saw only two options, divorce or death.

    I was terrified to divorce my husband, rightly so, because the divorce has fueled my ex-husbands desire to destroy me any way he can; financially, playing manipulating games during divorce, and by alienating me from my children. So, instead of being strong enough to divorce my husband, I tried to end my life. Luckily, my children do not know about this.

    I went to a Women's Counseling Center one hour away from where my children lived with their dad. The children know that I went to this center to deal with depression.

    At that point, I lost physical custody of my children without even realizing how devastatingly permanent this position would become, and how destructive it would be for me and my children.

    It's unfortunate that I am the only one suffering from the consequences of our broken marriage; I am seen as the crazy, depressed person, who has abandoned her children, while my pathological ex is enjoying the reputation of being a martyr who is raising two boys on his own. My ex is extremely successful, charming and convincing.


    I was told by my therapists, doctors and family that I could not live in the same city as my now ex-husband. So, I commuted weekly to visit my children, even though I suffered sever panic attacks having to see my ex. Also, during these visits, I was verbally and psychologically attacked by my ex.

    During the divorce process, my husband at the time, got a great job offer in a city hundreds of miles away. It was the city that we lived in the majority of my family's life. I agreed to the move, thinking that it would be better for my children, because they considered it home, and they have extended family there.

    I was told, by my then husband, that he would pay for my travel expenses to visit until I could move there. That never happened, and because he refused to provide any intermittent alimony, I could not afford to visit my children for several months.

    Now that they live further away, I cannot see them as often. My ex has convinced everyone that I abandoned my children, when he was the one to take them to another city. My children think that I have abandoned them, when in truth, my ex is trying every way to alienate me from my children. I have no friends from our home town. My years of being a good friend for 20 years was all in vain, as my ex has convinced them how awful I am.

    I am still told that for my recovery and because of the on-going trauma that I suffer, I cannot live in the same city as my ex. Only his family lives near my children. So, other than my children, I would be severely outnumbered and frequently exposed to people who want to destroy or denigrate me.

    I go weeks without being able to talk to my children. I am doing all that I can. I send them text messages several times a week, with no response. I send them fun packages once a month, I have purchased magazine subscriptions for them.

    I send them letters twice a month and I visit them every other month, because it is all I can afford.

    I feel like I am dead to my children. So, I mourn the loss of my children.

  • Comment Link Em Friday, 03 May 2013 19:42 posted by Em

    I have been married for almost ten years. We have one child and my husband never sees his actions of berating and not recogonizing me as an important person in the house. Recently we switched my daughter to a different school and he has to take her and pick her up.
    When I go to pick her up from school sometimes she yells and says " I don't want you, I want daddy." This is all the way to the car and if she wakes up while I am getting ready for work she says" No daddy can put my clothes on"
    This is crazy!!! What do I do

  • Comment Link Anna Sunday, 28 April 2013 12:22 posted by Anna

    I have been married 13 years and from the moment I had our first baby 11 years ago, my husband has dropped his concern for me and only cared about her. We now have a son who is 6 but he clings to me and is a real mommy's boy. Our daughter however has watched my husband berate me and talk rudely to me for her whole 11 years and now it seems to be getting worse in recent months as she is now saying things like "don't be mean to him mom" if I dare have a go at him about any little thing. She happily takes from me (school uniforms ready & ironed, shoes polished, hours spent sitting up late helping her with school projects) and yet because he calls her in the morning and makes her breakfast - this is, literally, the only thing he does around the house for her - she considers him to be a victim if I have a go at him about anything. She won't even hug me and she refers to me as "she" when they talk about me together. My heart is breaking and I don't know what to do. I want to divorce him but I don't want to destroy my children's lives. But I am so worried about the alientation between my daughter and I he is causing, and the long term damage that will happen if I stay with him. He has always spoken to me like a piece of dirt, and now it is starting to really show the results in our 11 year old daughter. I just don't know what to do.

  • Comment Link Brian Wednesday, 17 April 2013 00:26 posted by Brian

    Wow. My Ex Wife is doing this to me. I never see the Kids even on Visitation Days because she fills their schedules up with all kinds of activities on the weekends. So even when I do pick them up the only time we spend together is when i put them to Bed at night for a few minutes and when Im driving them to their Games etc. I used to think maybe it was ok but I never get phone calls from them ever though I call every day and leave messages. My best friend betrayed me and they ended up together so she divorced me. I love my Children but i'm alone and I dont know what to do. btw I'm paying the mortgage on the House they live in because I promised the kids they would never have to leave there. Im sure she told them I dont send any money. Is so sad.

  • Comment Link Eric Monday, 15 April 2013 02:04 posted by Eric

    Unfortunately my daughter is doing this to my ex and I've never said a bad word about her to her. Scares me she will use it against me somehow

  • Comment Link XYZ Thursday, 11 April 2013 03:50 posted by XYZ

    I see this happening with my kids my kids now 22, 19 and 15. I can relate to the article.

    i left my abusive husband when my kids were 10,6 and 3. He had no particular interest in their up bringing. except occasional visits when it suited him.i put my daughter through private schooling and son grammar school,my world revolved round my kids. we were a happy team.i worked, took them on holidays anything so they have a good memory,,it seems all in vain,

    NOW when my daughter graduated and son started until the father has come into the picture it started with me suggesting he be invited to attend my daughter's convocation, visits and overnight stay began,he engineered some casual work for my daughter so she has excuse to stay with him,i feel hurt that my daughter actually wants to live with him...when i showed my disapproval she was angry and said things like he would say that's when i realize my kids been turned against me,they have been told lies about why split and they blame me for divorce, especially my youngest as she does not remember the violence and the abuse towards us all, and i never discussed it with them, i tried to erase all bad memories from the young minds.

    i have made up my mind i wont stop them if they chose to live with him but i feel hurt i feel betrayed. My daughter said i was jealous,i am thinking of relocating and get a life. Its been so long that i did anything for myself where do i begin..i feel so old sad and lonely at 45. I have yet to see through my youngest 6th form and uni.''God give me the strength to deal with things i can not change ....''

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 09 April 2013 23:46 posted by Guest

    I read your comments and feel so sad and disgusted that one or both parents of a child that is conceived in love can do this to each other and the child as well. As far as I am concerned it is inherently evil to come between a child and its parent.

    I was married for 20 years and this article pretty much describes my situation with my 3 kids (now 22, 20 & 17). No matter what I do I just cant break through. They have stopped seeing their paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles. None turned up to my 50th. Everything is my fault.

    I have now learnt that you can only control 3 basic things in your life - what you think, what you say and what you do.

    In the end hang in their and do the right thing by your kids because it's the right thing to do.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 26 March 2013 15:16 posted by Guest

    I had know idea this was happening to me until my son started physically abusing me. This was after I found out that my ex-husband had 10 years earlier had sex with my 14 year old cousin while she was babysitting my son when I was at work. He actually told our son this, thinking that I would tell him, so he could justify it somehow. Anyway, my son and I started seeking counseling for the physical abuse when I found out what my ex-husband had been doing and saying to my son behind my back. I can not even tell how bad this has all been for me and how horrible this is for the child. When my ex-husband and I divorced is was because he decided he could not be a full time father. So I got full custody and he would come to visit here and there. Maybe once or twice a year. After about 7-8 years he realize he wanted more to do with his son, if I would have know that he had sex with a minor when my son was a year old, I would have never let him back in his life. I, as well as my son, still deal with the affects that has plagued this family from his selfishness and mulipulation, and my son is now in college.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 24 March 2013 03:18 posted by Guest

    My god. I thought I was the only one. This has been going on for years and I'm so angry at my wife that I cant stomach being near her anymore. Thank you for all the signs you posted. Now I know for sure. My daughter is my whole world and to think that she believes my wife's lies and manipulation is devastating. She is also doing the same thing to her own family. I PRAY that one day my daughter sees through all this for the truth, however my wife is not only cagey, but manipulative. If she feels she's losing the battle she'll disgustingly resort to play on my daughter's guilt. She's despicable.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 24 February 2013 13:19 posted by Guest

    Could use some insight too...: My ex and I are in the midst of a divorce after 11 years. We currently share 50/50 placement with our three children. They range in ages from 8 years old to 9 months old. Our oldest is impacted by the divorce and separation the most due to his age and his understanding of what's happening. Until recently, he and I were best friends. We would play back yard sports together, color, build models...etc. Anything you could think of as quality time we would do together. We would speak daily & I would take him to places sometimes when his mother had them.

    Unfortunately, things have changed between him and myself. He now fights and admits to me personally that he doesn't want to come to my house. He doesn't want to play or interact anymore with myself or his siblings. I feel that my ex & her mother are manipulating him to act this way. Neither one of the two are very caring or considerate in the words they choose when they speak. There were times in our marriage when I had correct them in front of our kids for the conversations they were having. He, like the article stated is using phrases and words she uses. He has been present when her rants about me & our situation and has even witnessed her yell and cuss at me. I know this isn't my son's natural feelings but, I don't know what to do either.

    Any suggestions as to how to get this to stop and for him and myself to start a healthy relationship again?

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 23 February 2013 08:32 posted by Guest

    Mother of my child is claims my partner has hit our child: Just recently the mother of my 2 year old son has claimed that my son has told her that my partner has hit him when she questioned him about a red mark on his face she claims that she has 1 witness to him saying this, but I think she is making this up and even if my son has come out and said this, it is not true because my partner is never left alone with my son and I would not tolerate anyone hitting my son, more to the point he loves my partner he always asks to see her and gets upset when he can't see her, also the fact she has not reported this to the police also suggests that she is making this up, so she has said my partner is be nowhere near him which we are going along with for the time being. has anyone else been such a position and how did you get through this?

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 15 February 2013 15:11 posted by Guest

    From my eyes and my heart.....: My husband divorced his ex wife when his children were three and one. They have no recolection of their parents being together. I came into their lives at ages four and two, my daughter was eight months old. In the midst of a divorce myself. At this time my husband had his girls 4-5 days out of the week and then soon turned into 5-6 days out of the week. I did all the motherly things with them as I did for my daughter, like caring for them and school stuff etc. Their mother was more interested in "her life" than the girls so I picked up where necessary. After she found out I had become pregnant, she got pregnant intentionally by a guy she had known only a month. Then soon after she had her baby decided to marry the guy (who was a good guy) . Then one day she and my husband had gotten into an arguement because she had peope following and harassing me and she got literally in his face because she had gotten caught in a lie in front of her husband and my husband in reaction to that pushed her back out of his face with one hand and she has always bruised instantly and so she left immediately stating "oh you did it this time" and next thing you know he is in jail. By no means do either of us condone male or female putting hands on either one, he was not trying to hurt her, merely trying to back her away from his face and later the charges were dropped by the DA due to the fact that her husbands statement co insided with my husbands and NOT hers. However being that there was a temporary restraining order in place she took that opportunity to take the kids over 150 miles away and not tell him where they were going. She had previously told him a week prior to the encounter, that she either wanted them to be a family or for him to just let her be a family with her new husband and for him to stay out of his daughters lives. He said absolutely not. So she took off with them, he finds them a year or so later. Gets an attorney and fights to see them because his divorce states reasonable visitiation and she wouldn't cooperate. Thats where it all began. The children were told all along that their dad didn't want them all he cared about was his new family so they were to call their stepdad, dad, etc etc.... well they divorced and she got an attorney and that was the start of the five yr battle in court, . After she, the mediator and her attorney dragged him through the mud, and after she attempted all the ways possible to frustrate his visitaion rights that she could, out of the blue as we are going into court she gives him custody of their oldest daughter. (She was academically tested at 1-2nd grade level when she was entering the 6th grade when we got custody of her). That day after court she called my office to talk to their youngest daughter, my cousin listened in on their conversation, and said that her mother stated" it's just you and me now babygirl" and that is when more games began. We have done all we can to maintain a great relationshp with the youngest daughter things were fine up until two years ago, mom stopped following court order saying it was up to the daughter and began frustrating his rights again. Which has now lead to last yr nine months went by between visits and she demonstrated anger and hurt towards my husband which she could not justify. He calls every week just about, he texts her, she sometimes responds other times she does not. She treats him and her five other siblings as if they are not her "family", when she is with us it is as if she never left... things go exactly back to normal., but as soon as she leaves we dont hear from her. We try to keep in touch but mostly we do not get a reply. We ask about visits every other weekend (there is a standing court order, however enforcing it requires, police getting involved and my husband didnt want to put a 14 yr old at the time, now 16 yr old through that.)
    She recently had a long deep conversation with her dad. Where she pretty much told him that she needs to be there for her mom, that she is secure with her relationship with him and us that no matter what time goes by she knows we love her and miss her and she misses us and he asked and wanted to make sure she was clear that he would have fought to get her too but he knew she was like him, she didnt need the help her sister did, academically and could hold her own, but was never that he didnt want her. SHe told him she knew that and that she never took it that way. She feels she was meant to stay there because she had to be there for her mom, (who out of three of her kids only is raising one, she let her ex keep their baby and raise him and her oldest is with us) and that her sister needed him to help her.
    Then after this long deep conversation she goes home to her mom and we havent seen her since just before christmas last yr. Promise after promise to come over, but just before the visit she cancels, we try to work around what ever came up and she says her mother says no, she cannot come., but promises again to talk to her mom about coming over the next weekend. The next weekend comes and goes. Social media is pretty useful, this past time she "couldn't" come over she was able to go stay over a friends house. She has also had some medical stuff going on and my husband has text, emailed her mom to get the doctors info as he wants to know whats going on, not just hear about it second hand from his daughter, but she ignores all attempts. She just has a huge disregard for the court order, his rights and his requests.... We know exactly what is goign on, its definately parental alienation, and while we do not want to put her in any awkward positions as far as spending time with us , mom gets weird on her or upset, but we want to see our daughter and our children want to see their sister. Oh and by the way, she has not attempted to see or contact her oldest daughter in over two years, with the exception of sending me a request via text to wish her a happy 18th birthday and to let her know she loves and misses her. Which i did that for her. I know she plays that poor me, scared to be rejected, card to gain sympathy or pity from the 16 yr old and her 12 yr old that visits. However, we went to watch the 16 yr old play sports and her mom was ther and so was their 18 yr old daughter whom she has not talked to or seen in almost two years by choice, she says nothing, doesnt wave hello, acts as though she didnt even exist. That was tough.... But she is a good actress, she is one hell of a story teller, she can get you questioning yourself if the sky is really blue.... unless you really know her, if you know her you know she is full of it. I do not get why she still does this when she is on her second fiance, umpteenth boyfriend, since her second divorce, yet still has this undying urge to make my husbands life a living hell, by doing and saying whatever she can to keep their daughter away from him/us. As for my husband he told the 18 yr old, that is your mom, no matter what, she will always be your mom, if you are not happy with your relationship with her you need to do whatever you can to change that. If it doesnt sit right with you try and change it, if not then you cant sit around feeling bad for yourself because you arent willing to do anything to change it. He encourages a relationship because thats what good parents do, and he is secure with himself and his relationship with her.
    Im at a loss as to what to do as so is he, being that she will be 17 in a few months do we just ride this out or force his way to be a part of her life or let her be and just keep putting it out there that we love her miss her and want to see her.
    As for mom, does it ever end? Does she still carry on through adult hood like this with the child? I'm a little nervous what she is goign to do once their youngest is 18 and she no longer has power over my husbands heart with regard to hurting him by using his kids.


  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 13 February 2013 09:45 posted by Guest

    The ALIENTAOR is the one who makes it "all about them":

    My parenting started out as being all about my child. I divorced when my daughter was 1 year old. I started a new relationship, had a new job and new friends. I was focused on my life and raising my daughter. I included and cooperated with my ex.



    It was my ex who changed the tone of parenting and the nature of my relationship with my daughter and the focus. His behavior was calculated to capture my attention. I had primary custody. At the beginning I thought he and I were cooperating well. He was welcome in my home, attended birthday parties, stayed to chat when he picked up our daughter, professed friendship with my new husband.



    However, I began to see that this was his "front" and that he was alienating and hating behind my back. For example, if he knew I was going on vacation or out of town he would agree to keep our daughter but would drink excessively and engage me in long verbal discussions when I would call to check in; he was able to ruin many trips and even cut them short.



    He befriended my new friends and gossiped about me and even managed to turn some of them against me. He also pursued a close relationship with my mother, whom I didn't get along well with and whom he claimed to hate during our marriage. He obtained work at one of my friend's companies, where he had access to my business dealings with that person; he used this information to gossip and destroy both my business and personal relationship with this person.



    But worst of all, he taught my daughter to be two-faced to me just as he was; to gossip about me; to criticize and assign evil motives to my actions; and to defy me. When I first began to realize what was happening it was because I had always called him when I was having parenting problems. To my observation, we had long talks about our daughter's challenges, the parenting challenges, and provided a coordinated plan for parenting. However, I eventually realized that the more defiant and angry my daughter was toward me the more often I called him for support, and when things were going well I didn't call him. It was not in his interest for me to have a happy home. My daughter's behavior was getting worse, and it was suspiciously similar to the contempt he frequently showed me over the years, down to the exact words and facial expressions. As she got older she began to flaunt how stupid I was to think that her dad liked me when he only put up with me, that sort of thing. I also learned that he would gossip about the confidences I had shared during my tearful calls to him and that he was using this to portray me to others as a bad parent.



    I decided to take charge of my personal family business inside my family and not include or trust him any more. That's when he began to be open about his campaign of hatred and no longer used the "two-faced" approach. So I knew that my growing suspicions were correct after all.



    Of course the ending of a relationship is difficult for both people and there is hurt and anger, etc. But when one person can't get past the ending of the relationship and move forward in life, there is nothing better than the children to keep the dynamic and entanglement going strong.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 09 February 2013 23:37 posted by Guest

    im at a loss: I understand your pain! My ex witch whom i always speak fondly of or say nothing is starting to turn my son against me.I dont have to ask, i can just tell by the lack of love he is showing me.I am just going to keep trusting in God to guide me through this and know in my heart no more harm can be done if i love him and never speak bad of his mom.I dont know why people get kicks out of hurting someone by keeping their child away from the other parent who loves the child,but it should be punishable by law.Dont play with the heart of a child!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 23 January 2013 11:55 posted by Guest

    I'm A Man, and I Know This Happens Too Often: I adopted my ex’s 2 youngest children. And during while we were married, she would tell the kids that I didn’t love them. She made them believe that she was the only person who loved them. My adopted son turned totally against me by the time he was 17, and even showed signs that he wanted to fight me. I had to leave the hell (my ex) and filed for divorce for my own safety. And now, after 14 years, the ex is still driven by her demonic personalities. The kids? Well, sadly, the boy hasn’t spoken to me in 10 years—and the girl in 6 years. A parent that can dominate the children, and knows that he/she can, can accomplish turning the children against the other parent. It happens all the time.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 17 January 2013 23:06 posted by Guest

    I'm at a loss...: Help! I'm at a loss! Almost two years ago, my ex-husband was going through withdrawals from cocaine and attacked me in front of our then 6 year old. He strangled me and was screaming profanities and how he was just going to "F------ Kill Me" while our little boy watched crying. I got away and called the police. He went to jail for one evening and his parents bailed him out the next morning. Within two months he was re-dating a woman who knew about his drug use (they had split up for a while). He tested positive for meth while on probation for the domestic violence and assault and battery. Two months later the couple were engaged. Three months after that they announced they were expecting. Now my son who is almost 8 has a "HORRIBLE" person who "IS NOT MY MOM" for a mother (me) and his new step-mother is his real "MOMMY." The man that did all these horrible things to us is now the perfect parent and I am scum. His father told him that he is to call me by my first name and his new wife is "MOMMY." This breaks my heart!!!! Over and over. Our son is having problems in school and instead of working together on getting him help and working things out for him, my exes reply is "WE LEAD BY EXAMPLE IN OUR HOUSEHOLD." My son now fights me on every little thing. His homework can only be done with the new wife, because at one point she worked for a school. My household has rules and boundaries and my exes house is all free time and playing and large gifts. My ex didn't pay child support for over a year - it went to drugs and so as a single mom I work two jobs and am going to school full time to make sure that my son and I will have a better life. I am always the bigger person and send gifts on birthdays and holidays and make sure that he speaks to the other parent with respect. When he is with my ex there is absolutely no reciprocation - I am the devil. I am always courteous and respectful to them. I can't take much more of this though. I am tiring of being hated for something I had no control over. What can I do?

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 17 January 2013 17:21 posted by Guest

    She Just mad cus u moved on: She Just mad cus u moved on to better and is trying to use your child to deliver her evil ignorance ..

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 10 January 2013 01:40 posted by Guest

    pas?: Ive been picking up my 2yr old son latley from my ex(his mom). When I ask what mommy says he replies "hit daddy in the face" hit my girlfriend in the face and pull her hair!!! Weve been seperated for 2 yrs I have 50/50 and im in love with my girlfriend who is starting to back away! what do I do??????

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 07 January 2013 15:40 posted by Guest

    Advice to you from my own experience....:

    Hi there, I was in this exact same situation. Things with my exhusband were pretty terrible but I was floored by the change that his new wife brought to the situation. My daughter's new stepmother would bash me and tell her that I was mentally ill. The stepmother is a very social person and she always had "support personnel" around her to join in the bashing of me. The friends could and did bash me worst of all and then the stepmother would sometimes tone it down - classic "good cop, bad cop" bullying, plain and simple. All designed to shore up this woman's sense of ownership and self-esteem in my daughter's eyes.



    I had the same ideas that this was happening due to the comments my daughter would make and then she was gradually won over and would bash me too. At first it was "two-faced" - bash me behind my back but put it out of her mind when we were together, but eventually she became very cruel and hateful toward me, literally aping the bashing that she was hearing. (You know this is what's going on when your 8-year-old child is belittling and ridiculing you over things like child support.)



    My advice to you is DO NOT let this continue. I was very naive. I thought I didn't have a defense, and I was also psychologically and emotionally battered from years of abuse from my ex. The truth is, your child is egging you on to DO SOMETHING to stop this horrible situation that she can't cope with. If you fail to help your child, she will hate you for abandoning her and for being too weak to help her. The words she will use will be the ones she is being taught, but the motivation will be the deepest sense of abandonment and helplessness and it may never heal.



    I was able to turn my situation around after awhile. My advice is:



    NEVER EVER say anything retaliatory against the alienating parent. You must, no matter how horrific, set the example for your child to follow. Your child is unable to know how to relate to these spiteful mean people. You need to set the example for how to deal with them. You show the child that these words hurt your feelings and that you think they are not true. You say that you don't understand why the person has these feelings about you, but that it can be OK with you if the other parents don't like you. No one likes everyone all the time. To show the child that you have no hard feelings, send a little gift along with your child at the holidays, or an occasional packet of home made brownies, or offer in your child's hearing to help out with the driving or whatever. You encourage your child to talk to you about any issues because talking about our feelings is the way to create solutions. Listen to criticisms and make obvious changes in your behavior. You are showing your child an alternative to blaming and hatred.



    It may help diffuse the situation to offer to the ex and the stepmother that you are always willing to meet and talk out any conflicts so that your child can have the best experience possible. It's helpful if the child knows this, you can mention it to your child when a litany of criticisms comes up ("I've told John and Jane that I will meet and talk with them if they have concerns, but they haven't called. I'm sorry they feel angry, but unfortunately their anger is theirs to deal with, that's what it means to be an adult. I'm always open to working with them to improve the situation.) I went as far as apologizing to the ex and his wife a few times to get them to tone down the criticism - "the velvet glove." It was my way of regaining some control over a terrible situation in the best interest of my child (my opinion of them and my personal injuries were not nearly as important as protecting my daughter).



    Ordinarily I would never advise someone to cooperate with abusive bullying people, but as a parent, you must in order to protect your child. I considered legal action but I knew that in my situation it would make everything worse. (There was no physical or other violence, that does require intervention.)



    My daughter is grown now. We are closer than she is with her father. As she's matured, she sees that he has personality problems. She doesn't trust him. She loves him and she can spend good time with him and his wife, and she needs that. What she learned from me is that she needs to assess and deal with her relationships, not get sucked in to codependency (PAS is essentially creating codependent children - "if you love me you will hate the other parent, that is what it means to love me. If you love us both I will not love you any more.") These dynamics will play out again when children grow and choose a partner. This is what is meant by the "cycle" of violence. My ex was like my dad, and I chose him because I was codependent to my dad. Breaking this cycle is the best gift you can give your child. You will both win.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 31 December 2012 23:12 posted by Guest

    PAS: I feel they are above the law.I have been dealing with this for years and cannot make any progress.Even with pictures of bruises, a police report and a jounal of all the mental and physical abuse.The court is turning a blind eye.I am out of money and can't fight anymore.I commend you on your perserverance.Maybe there is hope for others as my son of 16 just started alienating me.I had the feeling that this was our last Christmas together.Before he was not allowed to call me by my ex husband but I activated my used cellphone and he is not calling me at all.My caring thoghtful loving son has turned materialistic and shallow.What a shame.He could have been a wonderful contributor to society. Nicholas' mother who will still forever Love him....Detroit,(Wayne County) Michigan.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 26 December 2012 13:40 posted by Guest

    These are tough times but: These are tough times but never abandoned your daughters. I always say parenthood is a long thank-you its not until they have kids and then realize what it is like and will feel remorse. But you dont ever want them to have the card of you abandoning them on you. Keep your rules and visitation plan fun things they enjoy then if they are disrespectful drive them back to there dads and say" I love you I will see you next weekend I have alot of fun things planned but if you insist on being disrespectful our time will be cut short" Keep doing this eventually they will see you are not the monster your ex has portrayed you to be and will look forward to being with you. Also pick your battles if they leave stuff lying around when they are with you just put it by the door in a pile so they have to search for things but if your house is a bunch of rules they will not come back. Its hard to keep a calm attitude a smile on your face thru all of this but when they grow up they will look back and realize you were a women who handled herself with grace and dignity and there dad was just a slob. It takes time don't get frustrated and enjoy yourself when they are not there so they can see you have moved on with your life and fulfilled dreams. Be a strong role model for them.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 23 December 2012 17:33 posted by Guest

    PAS delusions...?: My husband's two daughters openly distain their father and repeat the words used by their mother to disparage their father. Hateful pointless anger at a man whose major crime is that he left a high paying job that caused stress and depression to do something he loves but pays less...oh of course she believes it to be a deliberate attempt to shirk his responsibilties though 35% + of every cent he makes belongs to her. We live a block away, they have been divorced almost 10 years and I came on the scene two years ago so none this animosity should be aimed at me...ha! The girls will not come over to visit, not for dinner, not to spend an evening watching a movie...if it weren't for dinner at his parent's we would never see them though it's not fun watching them ignore their dad when he speaks directly to them or to hear them scoff when he speaks about his work. He is often bummed and confused as to why they hate him so openly. They occassionally call for money and hang up when the answer isn't yes. The oldest one is well over 18 but by enrolling in classes ensures the continuation of her monthly maintenance...she drops out shortly after and re-enrolls when the family maintenance department sends a note to mom saying payments for said child will cease because she is almost 20 and not in school...this a deliberate deceptive move. I would not for a second suggest my husband deny child support to his kids...but some moms have a way of making this a lifetime of misery and moneygrubbing...My own parents were divorced when I was young. Not one ugly word from either about the other in my presence...what kind of a parent wants to destroy the soul of their child?

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 23 December 2012 03:45 posted by Guest

    criticising unfair and: criticising unfair and damaging criticsm is not hateful or alienating. it is trying to realign after others do not control themselves. to improve once it is recognised. you are so detached and in denial maybe you should find better things to do with your time instead of trying to build your ego by picking on people who have suffered and care about their children

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 17 December 2012 01:00 posted by Guest

    The exact same thing is happening to me now. : This is happening to me NOW, also. It is heartbreaking to see the two children that I devoted my everything to completely change. I was here to take them to school, pick them up from school . I struggled to maintain the family home, and now I am searching for someplace to live, because it is more fun at Dad's home. People say .."oh, they will come around when they figure out the grass is not greener over there"
    But when they figure this out, everything will be gone, our family home, precious memories and it saddens me so much. I know they are being taken advantage of, and that makes it difficult, because I tried to instill Godly morals and values, which have all been forgotten. And they treat me terribly now. How do you handle this? I love them with all of my heart, but when they are so disrespectful, I don't like who they have become.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 14 December 2012 17:03 posted by Guest

    my husbands ex and her damage to the kids: Although I am not the mother to these kids I have an opinion on this topic as well, my husbands ex seems to find joy in turning her own kids against their daddy. My step daughter and step son were so in love with her daddy and saw him as their hero and ever since we married his ex has been this monster who seems to think that its ok to do such a horrible thing. She laughs ,literally laughs in my husbands face when his kids yells “I hate you your not my daddy " she seems to have everyone fooled including the courts, she moved and hid the kids from us for three years and tells e courts that my husband abandoned the kids. She does not stop, she claims I beat the kids and that my husband did too. This topic is d to deal with because the kids hate us so much no one seems to help. We need help.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 07 December 2012 08:45 posted by Guest

    What do we do?: My step daughter comes home from her fathers visibly upset. She goes there every other weekend. She tells us his wife is always saying things like "your mom is so ugly, your mom is nasty, your mom is a liar, your mom is mean." This is a 9yo girl who loves her mother very much, but recently has been VERY emotional and noncompliant. She has asked "why does she always say those things about you mommy." How do we help her. We ask her if she believes the things that are said, and she says no, but, then why the aggression towards us. How, as the custodial parent do we protect her against the spoken word of people that are supposed to be trusted by her. She is confused and angry a lot.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 04 December 2012 12:19 posted by Guest

    some men are being punished for being great dads: I'm reading all these comments, mostly from women who deal with controlling & punishing x's. But my husband has been put through the extreme ringer for being a dad who wanted to be deeply involved in his daughters life.I have watched him go way out of his way for his bio daughter & his x's daughter for years, picking them up faithfully every other weekend & on every wednesday for several years.He even continued to do so when his x moved them 45 mins from us & my husband has been in college again. Even though his child cupport was 800$ monthly & he's only a school teacher, he still tried to buy them nice things here & play with them all the time.His x was always bossing him & making demands & subtle threats if he wasn't on her perfect way page. All his & shes the one who was having an affair with a married coworker while he stayed at home with the children & she said she was "studying"for college! He tolerated it until she took all rights away from him on the non-bio daughter & told him he wasn't ever her father & her visitations were always "her option" even though he raised her since 1 yr old & she has no father.After that painful mess, he stopped bowing to her every whim, her very controlling & naggy, bossy ways; she didn't like that because he always bowed to the queen before, so she punished him. HE spanked her 2x in 3 years & it was 3 pops on the rear standing with clothes on.It was for extreme bad behavior & we talked to her to try to get into her heart & even prayed with her & said we wanted to see her live a blessed life & behavior like she displayed wouldn't produce a happy life.His x said nothing until she found out he got a new(used) car.He has a 15 yr old car, which was breaking down.See, she had been nagging him about refinancing the house so she can get her 5000$ from him off the house.(even though shes already collected over 30,000$ since child was born-daughter is 8)So to punish him because she thought he was wasting money on "himself" & not "her", she had him served at his work for him spanking his daughter half a year ago! Long story short, he lost all custody rights & has her for 4 hr visitation,evrey other Sat. He is never allowed to have her here playing the wii or any games again, playing ball,picnics, us baking cookies,watching movies,never can take her out of town or the park or to get icecream,ever again! The worse part of it, his daughter was upset with him for grounding her from her electronic & tv entertainment , so she lied to the lawyer & all involved & said she was scared & felt unsafe at our house & her dad scares her when he gets mad ,which is a lot.
    I have to stop here & say>this man has been the most patient,low voiced,easy going & fun loving dad I've known. How does a child betray such a wonderful dad to a mother who only spends her time on herself & her career?She doesn't even spend quality time with her.WE did more with her than her own mother did.This child has been telling extreme lies & stories about so many things for so long & we finally found out it ws about us too!
    My husband has only seen her for 5 mins, one time since then for her birthday,its been 2 months.They stood & stared at him within 10 ft of us! No privacy whatsoever! & his daughter acted as if it was all a stranger she was talking to;she was very distant & cold.The last time we had his daughter before she got taken away from our house, the daughter told him she'd rather go home to mom for the weekend than get grounded & be bored.WoW! Well I think it's absolutely horrible what both instigating mothers & fathers are doing against the other parent & they are only hurting that child ultimately in the long run! I have seen a lot of crap during the course of theses past years with all this mess & my husband did EVERYTHING right!
    I seen a VERY SPOILED child(ren) who got EVERYTHING they wanted,were never taught how to be lovely young ladies & were catered to by all around them with ALL the luxeries of theses modern day kids.I saw selfish hearts revealed & all those invloved punished a selfless hearted father! Its crazy crap!I say neither of them deserve him any way!There are a lot of controlling, lying, instigating,selfish,cruel hearted parents (yes mothers too)who will answer to God for their actions & secret ways one day & there will be NO Excuses then & no crooked, unrighteous law to hide under then.
    What happened to people doing the right thing because it's the right thing to do & treating others fairly, like the way they would want to be treated?
    I hope yours goes much better than this but to whichever way it goes......LIVE! Live your life to its fullest,enjoy the things that make you happy,enjoy the good relationships you have & NEVER let that X get to you so bad to where your miserable with life, because that is exactly what they want.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 04 December 2012 11:40 posted by Guest

    I feel your pain.: I am a mother of three children, two from my first marriage, 16 & 11, and one from a subsequent marriage, daughter age 3. My youngest daughter's father and I separated about 8 months ago and she has had a really hard time with it. Her father was a SAHD since she was 5 months old. About a year and a half before we separated, he asked that I put her in daycare so that she could learn to be around other children her age, so I did. He and I have agreed upon shared custody of our daughter in that she is with him for a week & with me for a week. When we separated, my children & I left the family home & rented a house closer to my work. All of my youngest daughter's toys & things were left at his house. I have always been the "enforcer" with her because dad can't stand to see her cry. He gives in to everything that she wants & gives her her way. I feel that children need rules & structure. Once we were apart, he kept her out of daycare during his week & she had to go during my week because I have to work. He is still a SAHD due to disability. She almost never wants to come to my house when it's my week, she cries & cries & he steps in as the savior and says "You can come back whenever you get ready" or "Do you want to wait and go another day?" It infuriates me. He is destroying my relationship with my baby girl. He speaks ill of me in front of her, I know this because she tells me. He has a new live in girlfriend that my daughter seems to like. I am also dating someone, but he doesn't live with me. I just allowed him to meet my daughter recently & she told me that she can't like him because daddy said so. I'm just at my wit's end and don't know where to turn. I don't want to take her away from her daddy that she loves so dearly & limit their visits to every other weekend, but I also don't want our relationship destroyed ny his spitefulness. What in the world do I do?

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 28 November 2012 21:48 posted by Guest

    Such a horrible feeling: When we divorced 7 years ago, my former spouse told our daughters that it was all my fault, that he didn't want the divorce, that I was bi-polar and that I was trying to take all his money (all made during our 16 year marriage). He cried in front of them and then begged me not to hire a lawyer (he is one). I agreed and we went through mediation, but he committed fraud on his financial affidavit and when I hired someone to help me stop him from deducting moneys at will from my child support, he went ballistic in front of the children as well. My second to oldest daughter ended up going to live with him at age 14 because every time I said no to something, he would say yes. He doesn't parent them. His sister told him to make his house fun so that the girls would want to spend time with him. They live like slobs, clothing and things strewn everywhere, limitless TV & video games, no rules, bedtimes or curfews, no responsibilities, etc., while I have maintained the same level of rules and responsibilities, plus expect respect from them. Little by little, the last two have turned against me, treating me horribly, even in public. They did this at their eldest sister's college graduation and all left early because they were exhausted from staying up late the night before with him. I am at my wit's end because now even the baby, who just turned 13 is doing the same to me. I sold the family home this past summer and not one of them lifted a finger to help pack up their things. I am beside myself, but can not stand to be in the company of the youngest one, who yells and screams at me while I am driving her around, won't follow rules of the house and lies about picking up her room, makes all kinds of demands and then treats me like a piece of dirt. I have lost all feelings of love for her. No matter what I do, she is hateful and defiant towards me. I had never heard of parental alienation, but that is definitely what I am feeling from her and two of her sisters. My eldest daughter and I are on good terms, but she is not the same as she was with me before the divorce. None of the children received counseling because he claimed they were all fine and didn't need it. They are falling apart and having all kinds of problems, and our relationship, as well as theirs among one another have been destroyed and are full of toxic emotions. My former spouse ignores anything I say to him about the situation, so I have surrendered the third and now the youngest to him. I cannot live with that kind of hatred day in, day out. I want to know what my parental rights are? I do not want to continue to enable and endorse their behavior.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 20 November 2012 00:42 posted by Guest

    Hi, I too am experiencing the: Hi, I too am experiencing the feeling of loss - my daughter, whose father abandoned us when she was a baby, reappeared when she was around 15. He has a "family" and she now identifies herself with them. She even shares their last name. I am not even mentioned as her mother on fb. She defriended me (I messed up by commenting on my dislike of one of many racy picture she posts - what happens on fb, stays on fb right) She once took a swing at me, wrote me hate mail indicating that i was "dead to her" she lies and she cheats (not unlike her father). The only time she contacts me is when she is desperate and needs a place to stay, or to store her dog. Then when we (my husband) do help, she moves out when we are at work (without notice) Last month I refused to help her again. We haven't heard from her. I feel horrible, and the whole family feels weird about all of this, but I don't feel the need to have a relationship with her anymore. I'm done...

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 15 November 2012 12:14 posted by Guest

    Praying for you and me. I am: Praying for you and me. I am totally in the same boat as you with two of the three of my teenagers. My oldest son has seen through what is going on but my 16 and 14 year old are filled with hatred for me that their dad instills in them. It is so exhausting and I am emotionally spent.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 13 November 2012 23:58 posted by Guest

    Utterly ridiculous: PAS most definitely exists. This is a forum for adults to speak about their experience with this issue. It is perfectly reasonable for those faced with this issue to comment here freely.

    The fact that you reacted so incredibly strong to something you don't 'believe in' is very interesting to me...my guess is that the truth hurts.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 13 November 2012 14:47 posted by Guest

    Alienation - who's to blame?:

    When I divorced, my ex-husband was a very ill alcoholic. I was very naive and emotionally unstable. Both of us came from very abusive homes. After the divorce, my ex gossiped and spread lies about me; tried to undermine my new family life by being demanding, uncooperative, and unreliable; and was basically unable to care for our daughter during his half of the time she stayed with him. We had joint custody.




    I responded by screaming at him, invading his privacy, and pouring exorbitant emotional energy into a post-divorce continuation of the dysfunctional marital relationship.




    During that time our daughter did not like spending time with her father. She was aligned with me. Several times my ex expressed to me that he was jealous, but he did so in a roundabout way that I failed to notice. I also, in complete innocence, believed that he would get it together and that he and his daughter would have a great relationship. I didn't imagine it as a competition between parents.




    Things were not good, but somehow we all managed. Then my ex began a new relationship. He did not tell this woman about his drinking and she didn't find out until I had to call her to come and get him because he had arrived intoxicated to pick up our daughter. His new girlfriend simply didn't believe me when I told her that afternoon about his alcoholism. However, as time passed, she came to realize the depth of his alcoholism and did help him. Part of helping him was to boost him into "standing up" to me. It is true that I was emotionally abusive to him. It is also true that he was emotionally abusive to me. It isn't true that I was the cause of his alcoholism, or that the reason he was not as close to his daughter as I was with her was because I was alienating him.




    I really did think that things would get better if my ex could put aside his rage and be constructive in his life. I thought that his behavior was the reason I was always screaming at him. I didn't know anything about codependency.




    My daughter's home life was pretty unpleasant. However, once my ex began therapy and his new relationship, it was decided in his household that the reason that he suffered alcoholism and a poor relationship with his daughter was because I was alienating and abusing him. The gossip and backstabbing that my daughter had heard from him about me over the years escalated into a campaign to get her to see me the way he did: and to actively hate me. It was propsed that I was jealous of the new relationship and wanted to control my ex.




    I was actually happy that he was in a new relationship and that he was getting help. I was not jealous, I was hopeful, and I didn't want to control him, I wanted him to control himself.




    My daughter's behavior became more and more hateful toward me. I thought that it was due to the age, the new stepmother and their new household, and my own failings as a mother - which were many. Gradually my daughter began to sound like her father in her anger and eventually began to treat me with contempt. I was very unstable after the many years of dealing with my ex and my own unresolved traumas, and I transferred my emotional abuse to my daughter. I knew it was wrong and yet I felt powerless to stop it. She said the sight of me made her gag, if she saw a piece of my hair in the shower she wouldn't go in, she made sarcastic insults every time we were together, sneered at me every time she saw me... If I ever addressed her behavior or asked for an explanation she would say that she couldn't help herself from hating me because of "the way you are." I was beyond devastated and became more unstable. Eventually I had a nervous breakdown.




    As I was trying to reconfigure my shattered life I began to notice things that I didn't want to see before: When I first met my ex's new child, who was 3, she spit at me. How I was told by my daughter that dinnertime at her father's house was spent bashing other people in the most cruel manner, how an acquaintance had actually come to my house to tell me what my ex was doing and saying about me (I shrugged it off at the time), how my daughter at 8 years old told me regularly that I "needed therapy," how a friend turned against me when she began working with my ex and told me that I didn't deserve to receive child support (even though I'd never mentioned financial matters to her)...




    I looked around online and learned about parental alienation. Eventually I was able to talk with my daughter about it. The first thing I did was to change my behavior and truly apologize for the hurt that I caused. It was a hard thing to face but something I needed to do. The legacy of abuse that I was embodying had to end. I had to react with love when she treated me with contempt and disgust. It was excruciating. However, eventually things got better. I try to be kind and calm every day and to love in word and deed. Our relationship is vastly improved and my daughter learned a lot from my example in healing my emotional pain. We had a lot to forgive each other for. We are still working on it.




    I have a hard time not blaming my ex for what he did to me and to his own daughter. I have a hard time not being angry. I don't speak to him any more because our daughter is 18 now. I don't think I forgive him, but I don't judge him. I just want this awful episode to be and stay in the past. It's been 2 years since my breakdown and the healing began. I still have a hard time with it sometimes: regrets and anger, mostly. But I'm looking toward the future.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 06 November 2012 00:51 posted by Guest

    New to PAS: I am new to PAS as I have enjoyed a loving relationship with my son for 12 yrs until I divorced his father.
    Now I am victim to PAS as his Dad is being vendictive and is using my son to hurt me. I am sad. I am trying to be happy in my life I have now but at times I just want to break down....although it would do no good. I feel helpless, I feel I have lost my son and there is nothing I can do. Please pray for me- I can use all the help I can get.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 02 November 2012 21:19 posted by Guest

    I am not the pall: I am being kicked out of my own home essentially because I am the consequence parent (ie I took your texting off because you we're texting and driving) and my husband is the buddy parent (ie your mean mom won't let you smoke pot and have sex in the house). My kids are teenagers and they hate me but love him. You have mo idea how rotten some people can be. Right now I am moving out, my teenagers have their own place to s,ole pot and have sex and have no responsibilities (ie you got a d because your teacher is mean). I just got glared at by my teen and her friend, as they eat the food I bought and leave a mess for me to clean. Dad says they don't have to do chores. So pas exists.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 30 October 2012 21:18 posted by Guest

    PAS IS NOT BS: Parents should be able to post here as this forum was intended without fear of condemnation. Your post denies a palpable, very real syndrome by which all parties involved are affected.

    This syndrome is legitimate just as the parents who are affected by it have a right to support in said forum.

    You posted a non professional and uneducated title, referring to PAS as BS (translates to BULL SH*T - very nice use of language. How adult of you). It is apparent your time would best be spent away from a syndrome support group you feel is BS.

    There is no reason to generate hatred and accusations paired with alleged authority on said topic when you claim it does not technically exist. Very much a paradoxical stance to blow so hotly over.

    Furthermore, your comments are irrational, uninformed and erroneous at best.

    Look into your own ME syndrome and ask why you felt it necessary to slam those sharing support with one another with YOUR agenda.

    Clearly you have not been a parent of alienation. Your imagination, anger and uneducated stance on the matter is coming through with your angry post.

    Pot meet kettle.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 24 October 2012 14:00 posted by Guest

    abusive stepfather: This different from reading comments above.
    I have spent 20+ years tying to reconnect with my children. I now have hit and miss type of relationship. It has been a slow process but I have stuck with it. I got to see my kids for the first time this past summer. Boy are they confused about me and what to do. They are in their 30's and have families and I am just a after though.
    My daughter broke down and told me that she was beaten by the stepfather while her mother sat with her eyes on the floor and did nothing to stop what was happening. This was 4 years ago. And she has had no contact with her mother or brother since. She also told me that her mother comes home from work and hits the bottle and does that until bed time. also Does not eat in the best of health.
    I have tried to reach out to my ex-wife. Of course I get nothing.
    The ex-wife and hubby had and have done everything in their power to make my relationship with my children a living hell when my children and I were growing up. It was so bad the judge and I were on a first name basis.
    I am having trouble sleeping and eating because this is stressing me. I live alone and am retired. Also I am not in a relationship because I can not give my attention and love to anyone. I know it because I resent my ex-wife for what she and her hubby have done. A very, very small part of me feels that the ex deserves everything that has happened to her. But I know the heart ache of loosing my children and I do not wish that on anyone including my ex. I am at a loss of what to do and I really want to help my ex. I hope it would also help my children and myself to heal.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 22 October 2012 10:24 posted by Guest

    I disagree with you.: I disagree with you. Parenting plans clearly lay out all the guidelines concerning visitation issues. This is done to ensure that parents spend time with their kids. It is used so there is no conflict between parents who cannot put their personal issues aside. If a parent doesn't exercise his rights because she might not talk nicely to him on the phone, then that is a loss he can toss up to selfish pride. No way would a few minutes of unpleasantness with the ex keep me from calling or coming to get my children at my time!! On the other hand, a parenting plan is meant to be followed. Your rights to see your children shouldn't be looked upon as a choice for you. Your kids deserve your time. And you owe it to them! The parent/child relationship is for the benefit of the kids NOT THE FATHER, OR THE MOTHER, OR THE GRANDPARENTS! Why should a child be expected to accommodate this fathers wishes only when it's convenient for him to have him? It's not show and tell time. Dont expect leniency when you "can't make it " several visitations in a row, yet when the grandparents are coming for a visit that child YOU let down is required to go put on a show for you? It is not the other parents place to "encourage" her son to be treated like a doormat! If my sons father did not see his own child as important enough to visit or telephone I would not be negative about him to our child. But I absolutely would not make or encourage the child to "strengthen the bond" with someone who repeatedly let him down by not keeping with communications and visits and this time he doesn't feel like dropping everything for you? No way. Like I said, I wouldn't discourage my child from having a relationship with his father, but I will not "nurture and encourage" a bond between them. I'm not going to tell him how much you care and then explain, again, why you didn't pick him up this weekend. I will do nothing to keep my kids father separated from them. Ever. But BOTH parents have rights as well as responsibilities to their kids. If you choose not take on yours, don't expect me to grow the bond for you. That's yours!


  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 22 October 2012 06:41 posted by Guest

    Yeah, that's an effective: Yeah, that's an effective strategy. If you can't beat them join them???? While Mom and Dad are busy playing war and licking their wounds in public, I hope someone is really listening to this 10 yr old boy IN DESPERATE NEED OF HIS PARENTS ( both of them) to worry about how HE feels HE is being treated! So not good advice.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 22 October 2012 06:24 posted by Guest

    Amen: Amen

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 22 October 2012 06:20 posted by Guest

    PAS mostly BS: To all the alienated parents on here complaining about the exes. You are online for the whole World Wide Web to read your comments that are FULL of negative, degrading and hateful remarks about your children's other parent. All the while, portraying yourself as a victim of someone else's behavior. THE EXACT BEHAVIOR YOUR SHOWING IN YOUR HERE THROUGH YOUR CHOICE OF WORDS. One tends to wonder if maybe, just maybe, your children have heard such negativity from you in the past? Perhaps they were paying attention when you weren't! Besides, all I'm hearing is ME ME ME or MY EX MY EX MY EX!! Very little is being said about THE CHILDREN involved, and how BOTH parents behavior may have affected them! I honestly feel that in a majority of "PAS" cases, neither parent feels like they were good enough at being parents (perhaps because of the family/marital breakdown) and the individual guilt is projected onto the other parent in a vain attempt to be declared " the better parent"!! The only forms of alienation I'm seeing ( in most cases) is the parents alienating themselves from their own RESPONSIBILITIES to their children!!!!

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 08 October 2012 21:06 posted by Guest

    Seriously you have an: Seriously you have an attitude and even if so deserved - calling his ex a bunch of witch names makes you part of the problem. Get your act together and stop adding to the problem by referencing her in terms that are derogatory. HE picked her BEFORE YOU and it is obvious you are pissed off about it. They have to parent those kids together NOT YOU. You are not their mother. You are blaming shoplifting etc on her because she has a job past 7? Well lucky you got to marry someone who does not work after 7. Knock off the hatred and help these kids and STOP making it about YOU by pretending it is all her. He aint no saint either.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 26 September 2012 19:19 posted by Guest

    Good for you.
    I had never: Good for you.
    I had never heard of PAS until recently. It is a nasty form of child abuse but not easily proven in court but think it's another one of those syndromes that can be used incorrectly.
    I believe that undermining a parent to a child is so incredibly damaging and it does long term damage. Narcissistic personalities tend to do it. We have all these laws to protect children from physical abuse but not much for emotional. Just read some of the posts on this site. Hear how the parents denigrate each other and fight over the child like it was a possession. Children feel absolutely hopeless when faced with this. They do not know how to process it, they love both their parents and that's all they know.

    I wouldn't give up on your daughter, maybe send her cards and presents on her birthday. Don't get 'deep' on her, just let her know you care. Do it consistently over years and each time that card goes out, place your hand on it and ask God to bless her. You could send her a piece of jewelry, like one of those bracelets that you can add jewelry to (can't think of what they are called) and every year send her something to go on the bracelet. Write a poem in a card that dedicates the jewelry piece. Women don't throw away jewelry.

    Do this consistently for years and years - expecting nothing in return. Just do it. Do not write letters explaining what happened to you and her mother. It's too late for that. Just let her know you think of her. Don't give up. She will look at that bracelet one day when you are gone and think, you know - I think he really did love me and she will feel whole.

    Oh, and please wrap the present nicely and spend some money on the jewelry. You're a lawyer so you can afford it. (t-hee)

    God Bless...

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 26 September 2012 18:57 posted by Guest

    This advice is not good. This: This advice is not good. This person has some angst and they are projecting their frustration into your situation. If you tell your son he can't see his TOXIC FATHER, what you will have is a rebellious teenager who will hate you one day. If the father is a danger to the child, get supervised visitation set up or in the case of a very dangerous person, you should then seek a restraining order but your description of the situation doesn't not seem to be at that level.

    This woman needs her meds checked or something, not sure but I would not take her advise.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 26 September 2012 18:48 posted by Guest

    Your son feels helpless.: Your son feels helpless. Always remember, he loves both of you. What he wants most of all is the fighting to stop. Nothing and I mean nothing including BBguns and video games will take away his innocence more than his parents fighting over him. He does not see the world the way you do. He doesn't want to be fought over. He feels torn. The pressure of this situation is making him feel hopeless because he does not have the ability to figure it out no matter what you say.

    Take him out somewhere nice, like a walk in the woods and spend the day just hanging out and see if you can get him to feel open enough to answer this question - how is all of this making you feel. Don't correct him but just listen. Tell him it's okay and let him cry. Tell him how sorry you are about how all this turned out and that you are going to commit to making it better and then do it. Don't break your word either because if you do, he won't trust you to open up again. If he says you have done something to hurt him, listen and apologise and promise to change the situation. Is it hard? Yes, but it's the only way.

    If your ex gets under your skin, learn to not let it. Learn to just let it go for the sake of the child. You can learn to not let people hurt you because you are an adult but a child does not have that ability. He just want's to be 10 years old. Let him. He sounds like a typical boy and that's a beautiful thing.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 26 September 2012 18:30 posted by Guest

    You have to try harder to see: You have to try harder to see your children. They may not respond immediately, maybe act like they don't care but they do. These kids have been through hell - they have a father who has problems, they have to contend with a stepfather, they have a mother that needs to get over angst with the ex (in your heart). Remove from your heart all bitterness. Is all this easy? No but it's the only way.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 26 September 2012 17:57 posted by Guest

    Both parents need to do: Both parents need to do everything they can to live close to each other.
    If the parent is in violation of a court order, you can file a contempt charge. Research it. Remember that this 7 days on and 7 days off is going to grow thin on the kids. They are going to want to stay put, usually in the house that has the most 'stuff'. You need to get counseling so that you are not emotional in front of the kids and the kids should be completely shielded from all of this turmoil. It's not about standing up to your ex, it's about the children - first, last and always. They are most likely in pain and feel like they are being bounced around.

    Move back to the town your ex lives in. Just do it and if he ever moves, you move. Ask God to help you and He will.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 26 September 2012 17:47 posted by Guest

    Children feel very vulnerable: Children feel very vulnerable and confused when their parents are at odds with one another. We as adults assume that they reason like we do and depending on their age and personality, some do better than others. Parents often have to make the gut wrenching decision to protect children from danger - even if it is from the 'other' parent.

    I agree with this post in that counseling is vital and it should be based on learning how children (in general) tend to think about these upsetting situations. I suppose the most important thing to remember is the children tend to love both parents even if the parents are rotten to the core. That's just a human thing and it defies logic. When they are told their parent is bad - they get the message that they shouldn't love them. See the conflict there? They might say they don't love them and believe that but more than likely they do love them. This sets up an extreme conflict in their minds and hearts.

    When you truly love someone, they are a part of you and if you are think you shouldn't love that person, you end up not loving a part of yourself and can have extreme problems in life from that. No - it isn't logical. It's just a human thing.

    That's all I have to say and it's only a life observation so my advice is to not continually say bad things about any parents to children. Allow the children to love them but protect them from danger. God bless everyone!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 26 September 2012 12:32 posted by Guest

    fine line: I would like to just speak from the side of someone accused of this. There are times when a parent should be kept from their child and only allowed to see them in a safe environment. I am embroiled in an ugly divorce and neither one of my teenage children wants anything to do with their father because he is pathological, abusive and an alcoholic. I do my best not to say these things to my kids or around them, I go to the opposite extreme and tell them that regardless of his illness, he loves them and I do not condone them saying cruel things about him. Do I fall short....sure and I am fast to tell my kids that I was wrong and that I am sorry and that I need to work on that. 18 years of abuse and being human can do that.

    Just a thought....being a parent does not intrinsically give you the right to be with your kids. When you hurt them mentally, physically or emotionally that right goes away and "parental alienation" is being used by these predatory parents as a way to get their children back. My ex is welcome to have contact with his kids as court ordered and can increase it through getting help. His children would respect that and are willing to work on their relationship with him if he does.

    I wonder how much power we are removing from children by propogating that they MUST be with the opposite parent no matter what because, well, they are their parent. They are individuals. I am speaking from the perspective of older kids but the anger at either parent from the younger ones needs to be allowed and discussed. Divorce sucks and they are the innocents. I understand that there are so many confused and hurting children being used as pawns, but there are just as many that must be protected from abuse. They also need to be taught to recognize abuse and abusers so that they do not repeat these cycles themselves as adults. There is a fine line.

    Whatever side you are on, please, please get your kids into counseling through whatever means necessary. If you are not simply trying to alienate your kids, then you have nothing to lose and will listen to what the counselor says about your own parenting. They need a safe harbor in the storm and sometimes a trained, objective adult is the only one.

    Although I am being accused of brainwashing my kids, I stand firm in the knowledge that their father brainwashed them with his own behaviors. I am in the process of having God clean our hearts so that our brains may follow.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 13 September 2012 14:19 posted by Guest

    Please help: I know your pain!! 25 years, divorced at age 50, son 27, daughter 21. Husband wouldn't leave so I did. That was my first mistake. I think when I moved out the kids felt I left them also. We both talked about putting kids first but he lied. He told the kids, family even my family, neighbors, and my personal friends that I just up and left them! While going through this he allowed my daughter to totally disrespect me and would laugh about it. In the mist of all this I met someone and now remarried. Kids have come around but I don't think our relationships will ever be the same. Daughter still has growing up to do. I was faithful in my marriage but he wasn't. I had my father in law living with us, in his 80s, in and out of hospital. Was by my mother in law side while sick and dying, and took care of his aunt at times while he moved to another state to work. He came home maybe 4 times a year for just the weekend. Wouldn't meet me half way to visit. He still bad mouths me to the kids. When they need help his reply is ask your mom they have more money than me. Dad plays the kids for poor lonely dad. Feel sorry for me! I'm guessing kids will have to live life before they realize mom will never ever stop loving them, this love is unconditional and always will be. I always try and take the high road, but not so easy! I read an article soon after devoice that read " there is a special place in hell for a parent to take their kids to court and turn them against the other parent." I have to forgive him, but not forget, in order to heal myself!! Staying angry is not good for the soul.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 20 August 2012 05:09 posted by Guest

    reply to guest Sun, 05/06/2012 - 12:54am from op: To the guest from 5/6/2012.I am sorry you are experiencing this as well.I hope everything turns out better in the future for you and your child.Sometimes the damage is long-lasting or even life long.So,please mentally prepare for that possibility.

    As I feared it is happening again with the G-children.I have one Grand-child who is displaying the same behavior toward me as my son did when my ex started his PAS campaign.The child is giving me dirty looks,turns back on me literally,cries and screams like I am the devil incarnate who fears I'm taking her parents and sibling away.Guess who provides child care for this grand child?Yep,my ex and his current wife.My last visit recently was a catastrophie.My step grand children don't even behave that way toward me and they barely know me(due to distance).

    My Grand child laid on the floor saying Grandma(my name)who's that,who's that,who's that?!And then freaked out screaming she wanted her other Grandma....out of no where with no provocation.My son says nothing and does nothing to help change it other than he does allow me to see the children. But I fear my presence will damage the child and I don't want that for the child which is more important than the hurt it causes me.I can tell it bothers him but still he says nothing to soothe or calm the child either and he should for the child's sake when there is a reaction like that toward anyone.I try but the child rejects any comforting ,reassuring words from me.The other Grand child is fine toward me but is too little to understand any negativity spoke of me...if this younger child starts displaying the behavior I will know it is probably happening.I haven't experienced a child behaving this way toward me since my son.I am nothing but kind,loving and smiles with this child.

    If at all possible try to capture your child telling you what he is being told to him on video or recorder.Speak with an attorney(some will do pro bono or legal aid)to find out your options.And yes,past incarceration will make it difficult and you will have a long road ahead and a lot of work to do to but don't give up.Any improvements you can make in your life,make them.It is a years long battle incarceration or not dealing with alienation.

    Sometimes when it is a Father alienating after a few years or a change in their life(like remarriage or other children)they end up wanting the Mother to take the child back.And if that happens get your boy help immediately to try to undo the damage.Sometimes it can't be completely undone,sometimes it can.And if it is a long-lasting or life long damage trust me when I say as you age as much as it hurts you start accepting it as it is and try to go on with life in spite of it.The pain is always there but there comes a time where you do have to distance yourself if this continues into your child's adulthood.

    Some people may think that is cold-hearted but it becomes self-preservation as it is soul killing and beyond painful.It is the same for the alienated child too but when there is nothing you can say or do to heal it...leaving the child(now grown)be is all you can do.What is troubling to me about my ex other than alienation...he was alienated from his Father and had little to do with him until 2/3 years before his death.My son doesn't remember his Grand-Father because of it. Yet my ex is repeating the pattern learning nothing from his own experience or possible regrets with our son and most likely the grand children.In my case(and my son's,his Father)this is a generational dysfunction.That is hard to fight against.It is a deep-seated problem that will never be resolved it seems.


     

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 15 August 2012 17:36 posted by Guest

    Me case con un hombre mayor: Me case con un hombre mayor que yo, para ser exacta 20 anos mayor que yo, al principio todo era maravilla, cuando nos fuimos a vivir juntos todo cambio, ya estaba embarazada y las cosas fueron de mal en peor, hubo muchas veces maltrato físico y moral era constante, luego todo fue peor cuando nació mi hija, el me la quito y luego fue legal a trabes de los tribunales, hoy ya mi hija tiene 6 anos y el no me dejaba verla ni menos hablar con ella, ahora estamos en procesos judiciales, hace una semana me dejó ver a mi hija, incluso la pude traer a mi casa y estar juntas, todos los días la llamo y hablamos de lo mas bien, hoy cuando la llame la sentí diferente, me dice que no me quiere y que no quiere verme por supuesto que me sentí a morir y mientas hablaba con ella sentí una voz de mujer que le susurraba al oído las cosas que ella me iba diciendo mientras hablaba.
    Estoy segura y es mas que obvio que el padre esta influyendo en este cambio tan repentino.
    Algún consejo por favor

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 11 August 2012 07:47 posted by Guest

    There are options for you!: I am sorry you are going through this. If you have little or no income, there are still services that you may obtain for legal help. Here is some information on Legal Aid in your state:

    Tennessee

    Legal Aid of East Tennessee
    Program Phone: (865) 637-0484
    Legal Assistance: (865) 637-0484
    http://www.laet.org/

    Legal Aid Society of Middle Tennessee and the Cumberlands
    Program Phone: (800) 238-1443
    Legal Assistance: (800) 238-1443
    http://www.las.org/

    Memphis Area Legal Services, Inc.
    Program Phone: (901) 255-3447
    Legal Assistance: (901) 523-8822
    http://www.malsi.org/

    West Tennessee Legal Services, Inc.
    Program Phone: (731) 426-1311
    Legal Assistance: (800) 372-8346
    http://www.wtls.org/

    If your court papers say that you are the domicile parent, take a copy of your papers to the police station in the county in which the order was made. They can and will do something because your ex is in violation of a court order. It is also against the law for him to not send the children to school.

    You can also go to the court house and inquire on how to file a contempt of court charge on your ex yourself.

    Also, you should contact Support Enforcement Services and apply for child support. Their website can be found here:

    http://www.tn.gov/humanserv/cs/cs_main.html

    I hope this has been of some help to you and God bless.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 07 August 2012 22:49 posted by Guest

    My children are now 7 and 6.: My children are now 7 and 6. I divorced their father 2 years ago after 8 years of verbal, mental and some physical abuse. My children now seem like they are pulling away from me but yet their father can do no wrong? We have joint custody, him 7 days, me 7 days. I am their primary residential parent. I have never had the nerve to stand up to him whatsoever, not in the beginning or thru the divorce. I am finally able to stand up to him. He doesn't like this at all. And of course now since I've started standing up to him is when I've started having problems from him and my children acting different. The only reason I didn't fight him in the divorce is because I couldn't stand up to him at the time so I agreed to the half and half schedule. That was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I don't get any support from him, financially, nothing. If I mention anything about the kids behavior or the way they speak to me, he will say that's my own f-word fault. I don't have the money for an attorney, I feel like I have pleaded my case to any and everybody that will listen. Now what I'm going thru with him is, since I am primary residential parent my address determines which school they go to. (we live in Tennessee). Well I informed him when I moved (which is less than 100 miles like our papers say) and what school they were being registered. He said okay meet you there Monday morning. I said okay. Monday morning he didn't bring them to school and wouldn't answer my phone calls or text messages. Finally he did answer later in the day and said he had registered them and put them in school where he lives. They went yesterday and the principal informed him they can't return there so he just didn't send them to school at all today. I called my divorce attorney and of course he won't do anything without me rehiring him as my lawyer and giving him a retainer fee. I called the police and they can't do anything because this is a civil matter. I am fed up and don't know what to do? I am a single mom without any financial support from my ex husband or anyone else. I don't know where to turn? Is he doing this to hurt me?, I don't know but it does. It doesn't hurt me directly but it hurts me because it hurts my children....

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 02 August 2012 20:26 posted by Guest

    Your ex is very sick and if: Your ex is very sick and if at all possible keep your kids especially the 10 yr old away from the father as much as possible, altogether, if possible. I was advised this from a very good teacher of my daughter 8 years ago when my daughter was 11. I was already so vilified by the family from whom I kept all the hell that the abusive drunk was putting us through for years. I was deathly afraid if I tried anything against the "good" father legally I'd lose my 11 yr old daughter and 19 yr old son for good. I've prayed, hung in there still under the same roof with him and our now 19 yr old daughter. Just a few minutes ago, when I asked my 28 yr old son if he agreed with me that his sister should stay away from a friend, Emily, of hers who was in rehab and has an ex-boyfriend who has a gun for "hunting" but the boy was flipping out cause some16 yr old girl druggie went and said things to the boy that infuriated him about his ex-girlfriend, the one my daughter is friends with....my daughter commented to the girlfriend do you think he'll do something (meaning use his gun in anger) the girl said she was afraid he might hurt himself....to me this is all red flags and I told my daughter to stay away from people like that ...I want to tell the girls mom what I know and ask her if she knows about the gun....the mom asked my daughter to actually stay at the (in danger and worried) friends house for a week while the mother is away....I told my daughter no way...her father says she's an adult, she's 19, tells me I'm exagerrating and my son chimes in on their drunken fathers side ....again.....after so many years...it only gets more dangerous and difficult and I'm still the crazy psycho according to my son and his father....WHAT A MISTAKE TO HAVE STAYED IN THIS HELL OF A DYSFUNCTIONAL, ABUSIVE MARRIAGE TO A SELF-INFLATING DRUNK WHO COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT THE SAFETY OF OUR KIDS...HE SAYS THEY'RE NOT KIDS...THEY'RE ADULTS.....PLEASE GET OUT....KEEP YOUR KIDS AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE FROM THE TOXIC FATHER...IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE....I TAKE MEDS FOR ANXIETY, PANIC, DEPRESSION AND TO SLOW MY HEART DOWN....HE CONTINUES TO PLAY GAMES ON THE COMPUTER, DRINK IN EXCESS, SMOKE, READ NOVELS AND SMILE....THAT GOD HE'S ALREADY 68 YRS. OLD......33 YR MARRIAGE (OF HELL) BUT I'M ABOUT TO GET OUT AND IF THE KIDS WANT TO DISTANCE THEMSELVES FROM ME (I'M THINKING FINALLY LATELY, THEY MAY NOT DISTANCE THEMSELVES FROM ME) MY 32 YR OLD WANTED ME TO SPLIT YEARS AGO...I THINK MY DAUGHTER DID TOO BUT WAS ALWAYS AFRAID TO SAY SO ...I'M SURE SHE IS SOMEWHAT IF NOT ALOT AFRAID OF HER NASTY DAD AND BROTHER (AT TIMES , AT TIMES...THEY'RE "NICE")........I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU DEAR....WHAT A HEARTBREAK....YOUR TEN YEAR OLD IS PROB EXTREMELY UPSET WITH THE CONFUSION....WANTS TO LOVE AND OBEY YOU BUT HIS MISERABLE "POWERFUL" DADDY HAS "POWER"....BUT IS MORE TOXIC THAN ANYTHING.....YOUR SON/SONS WILL HAVE PEACE AWAY FROM THE TOXIC FATHER.....GOD BLESS'

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 21 July 2012 03:05 posted by Guest

    Help: Dear Kimberly, I read your letter and felt like I could have written it myself. My main goal in life was to be the best mother I could possibly be so that my child/ren to become the best and happiest they could be. Although I honestly feel that I tried my best to be a good wife, my husband was verbally and emotionally abusive. But, I stayed for 20 years thinking that would give my child (I have one daughter) security. She and I had a wonderful relationship. She told me many times over the years I was the best Mom ever, etc. When she left for college my ex and I separated. He refused to leave the house, so I moved out. I actually moved 2,000 miles to the state my daughter was attending college in. I moved about an hour away from her so she wouldn't feel like I was suffocating her, but I was close enough that she could come for a weekend away from school occasionally - get laundry done, a home-cooked meal etc. I could only afford an apartment at the time, but I got an 2 bedroom/2 bathroom apt. so she could have a room of her own. She never came. That was in 1999. It seems that every time I see her she ends up exploding at me - she is now 31. She has hinted at several things her father said about me early on and I have defended myself time after time. He was not involved in her upbringing spending all his time with work. I was almost not even invited to her wedding this year. My husband and his new wife sat in the mother of the bride seats. I was shunted off to the side. Now we have no contact. I never even considered it a possibility that my relationship with my daughter could ever be hurt. Now I hurt all the time and I don't even know why this happened. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I'm trying so hard not to obsess about this, but it hurts so bad. I didn't think any other parent out there might have experienced the same thing. I am so sorry you are hurting this way too, but I am glad you reached out in this forum. It made me feel less alone. Thank you for sharing.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 July 2012 03:37 posted by Guest

    Alienation but not complete estrangement: My children are 18 and 20 and have been living with their dad full time for the past 4.5 years. Prior to that time, ex and I shared 50/50 parenting time but were often in conflict. We both tried to impose our will against the other during the children's time with them, making it very difficult to defend our own home rules. He had very few rules while my husband and I had what we considered 'standard rules' (take your shoes off at the door, tidy your room once a week, do your homework, etc.) One of the biggest issues was bed time. I'd find my son sitting up well past midnight on a school night either texting or playing video games. According to my son, his dad would allow this at his house. Regardless of what the rules were, they were different than at Dad's and met with opposition.

    About a year before the kids finally moved to dad's full time, I got a call from my ex, explaining that I could finally have my wish. He was ready to pack the kids up and let me have them full time. Now. The kids were very upset when they arrived at our house but with a day or two, they were speaking to their dad as though nothing had happened. My daughter took a little longer to thaw out but did so when her dad talked about getting a Jack Russell Terrier puppy. That never happened but the suggest of a promise was enough to make the kids eager to return.

    Over the next year, a number of things went bad for my ex. He had already been unemployed for two full years and was running out of money so he took a loan out on his house with about $100K cash to use for living expenses. In addition to the home loan, he ran up over $100,000 in credit card debt. I can only guess that it had something to do with drugs and gambling but will probably never know the full story. Needlesstosay, he wound up in drug rehab for a month, then began preparation for Chapter 7 Bankruptcy immediately following his release from rehab. He also let the house go into foreclosure. Ten months later, he was discharged of all debt through the BK and about another 5 months after that, the bank evicted him from his home.

    He and the children now live in a rented town home not far from the house they lived in and my ex father-in-law pays for it, as well as signed his name to the lease.

    Back-tracking a little to the time ex was released from rehab, the children became cagey when they were with me and my husband. They were worried about their dad, since they weren't there to keep an eye on him. The relationships were strained and the children began to speak disrespectfully to me until one night it came to a head. My husband stepped in and pushed my son back, telling him he couldn't speak to his mother that way. He pushed a second time, which was when I made my way across the room to separate them. As my husband turned, my daughter swung her fist as hard as she could and struck the side of my husband's face. I was able to separate everyone until cooler heads prevailed and that was the end of anything physical. The kids called their dad and asked him to come pick them up and on the ride back to their dad's they told him what had happened earlier. Dad wanted to call 911 but son said "No Dad - don't do it. If you do, we'll never be able to go back there again." And they haven't, other than brief visits and one or two sleep-overs for holidays or pre-camping trips.

    For the next several months, I only saw my kids three or four times; usually to take them out for dinner somewhere. My ex took me to court for an emergency custody hearing, claiming child abuse but the judge disagreed, even though he DID agree it was unfortunate that my husband 'laid a hand' on my son.

    Now, 4.5 years later, I still rarely see them and the relationship has been extremely strained. Most recently, my daughter has cut off contact (including getting a new cell phone number that she has not shared with me) and thinks I'm bitter because I didn't "win" custody. I fought to retain the 50/50 parenting time; not full custody. She's also discovered that I posted something online that puts her dad in bad light, stating: "You've stopped talking bad about Dad around me and my brother but that doesn't stop your rants online."

    I have no idea what she was looking for or what she read but whatever it was, it was my outlet to express my frustration and hurt; not something I thought she'd be reading. I've searched my public posts and don't see anything "bad" out there. Regardless, just because I've refrained from talking about their dad when the kids were within earshot, does not mean my opinion of him has changed or that HE has changed. I'm just sorry she read whatever it was she did.

    I miss my kids terribly and it feels awkward now to try to hug them (like we always used to do). Things literally changed overnight and have never been the same.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 July 2012 01:31 posted by Guest

    Divorce is not easy - your: Divorce is not easy - your mum is and always will be your mom.

    Try not comparing your parents- your mom is your mom and your dad is your dad. Also - don't compare child rearing as each parent is different. Be sure your mom knows you love her and are willing to work with her to build a relationship and that you will forget about the past if she will forget.

    Seek help - a mediator sometimes gets things out in the open. Each person has their own truth and their own issues and you need to separate - don't only think that you have to love the people you get along with perfectly. Sometimes you must learn to love someone that it isn't easy to get along with.

    The important thing is that sometimes parents don't need to say anything to alienate - they just keep saying the wrong something over and over again. The best thing is to tell dad not to talk about mom - good or bad - what he did for her or whatever and to tell mom the same thing. Those are ground rules for contact. Ignore what she says to others that is your father's problem with your mother not your business - you should not be defending dad - that is not your job he is a big boy.

    Focus your time with your mom on having fun and working on your relationship and put aside the drama you are hearing about - ask others not to share what she says about dad with you. She is obviously having an issue with him but that is not your concern. Be neutral - and never defend one parent or another. Each parent is a parent. That is your job when your parents divorce but it sure does seem that you over defend your father.

    Your father's girlfriend will never be your mother - you should be friendly and respectful to both of your parents friends - that is a given and the respectful thing to do and has nothing to do with the unconditional love you have for your mother.

    No matter what she does she is your mum and keep fighting to make the best of it - just stay away from comparisons you have made was too many in this post - it is not a competition and maybe your mum feels that it is because she will never be as great as your dad.......and that is not fair.....tell her that you love her and want her to be her.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 July 2012 01:10 posted by Guest

    This is what alienators do -: This is what alienators do - they let you do all of the dirty work and then they turn the kids against you.

    Bad news for the kids is that they lost a parent. It is all very sad but it happens to so many that it is insane.

    Here are some resources. Hold your head up high and live your life to the fullest.

    http://www.pas-intervention.com/PASI/Home.html

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 July 2012 01:06 posted by Guest

    Kevin - As I said to others -: Kevin - As I said to others - stop right now! You must force yourself to be happy, healthy, prosperous and successful - PERIOD!

    You owe it to your son - you need to prepare for his return and if you fall apart how will you be there to fight for him.

    Go on with your life and hang in there - try to make contact. Do not allow an alienator to win!

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 July 2012 01:03 posted by Guest

    Kimberli,

    Hi - first NO: Kimberli,

    Hi - first NO SHAME - you have done nothing wrong.

    Second - do not fall apart - you must stay healthy, happy, prosperous and successful - because when your kids come back you want to provide them with a good life - you can't do that if you are falling apart.

    You are dealing with Parental Alienation and you are probably dealing with a Narcissist. They are very convincing in a pathological way. He feeds off your pain - so from now on NO MORE PAIN.

    The happier you are the more confused your ex and your kids will be. Be sneaky - try to contact them - or not. Remember they lost their mother and it is just a matter of time before they realize how dumb that is or not.

    Tell the whole world - don't be ashamed - someone will talk to them one day and tell them how wonderful you are and how stupid they are.

    Join a Parental Alienation support group - look for sources here - https://www.facebook.com/StopCourtOrderedParentalAlienation
    or http://www.pas-intervention.com/PASI/Home.html

    Smile laugh and be happy - your kids need to see that - you are doing exactly the opposite of what you should be doing.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 July 2012 00:53 posted by Guest

    CCAM - hire an attorney that: CCAM - hire an attorney that knows Parental Alienation or if none exists educate him and ask if he believes in it before you hire him

    check out resources here:
    https://www.facebook.com/StopCourtOrderedParentalAlienation
    http://www.pas-intervention.com/PASI/Home.html

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 July 2012 00:49 posted by Guest

    Eric - evil is evil - there: Eric - evil is evil - there are men that are evil and women that are evil.

    Those statements are inappropriate. As for your son, you can fight and fight but the one that doesn't discipline wins even if he will be in severe pain.

    The legal system is out of control and these kids grow up with not guidance and you can't report it to anyone.

    It is all very insane - but it is what it is and one day when he grows up he will be sorry he didn't floss when u told him to - and other things of course......as for your ex - she will learn that children grow up, have kids and the tables get turned because not having a father present will create a gaping hole in your son's heart and he will fill that hole with anything negative he can get his hands on - most kids do.....and then when he realizes that mom did this to him well I don't have to tell you what will happens.....

    Hope for the best and keep up your spirits.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 July 2012 00:41 posted by Guest

    Heather,

    You cannot do this: Heather,

    You cannot do this by yourself. Get a therapist that knows Parental Alienation involved and be sure to have an attorney with that experience ready to help you should you need it.

    Do your research - your son is young and the signs of PAS are serious - you need to know what they are - see resources at

    https://www.facebook.com/StopCourtOrderedParentalAlienation

    Sounds like if not stopped your ex will alienate your son. Regarding what to tell your son - basically your son has to understand that no one in the world should tell him EVER why you did something. He should never believe anything that anyone says about him.

    The fact is you love him and if anyone says anything bad about you then they making a very bad mistake - he needs to know that it is wrong to tell any child that his mother or father is bad. So when he is a daddy no one should say anything bad about him or his wife to his son. If someone does do that your son should tell you immediately and you will handle it - but he is never to believe it even though what the person says makes a little sense.

    You are his mommy and you will love him forever but sometimes there are things that adults must do that don't really make sense. There are lots of books out there to help you - look on my site and others. http://www.pas-intervention.com/PASI/Home.html

    Good luck and keep your eyes and ears open.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 July 2012 00:31 posted by Guest

    Yup - I am a woman too and I: Yup - I am a woman too and I have 4 alienated kids.....these people are Narcissist and the kids will either hate them or hate themselves or both. Nothing good comes of this strategy but it is still done.

    The Courts are being negligent. They don't know what they are doing and causing a lot of damage.

    https://www.facebook.com/StopCourtOrderedParentalAlienation

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 July 2012 00:28 posted by Guest

    Longing,

    You will probably: Longing,

    You will probably never stop his madness - it is for him to stop and he most likely won't.

    You though can stop allowing it to affect you. Laugh it off - here he goes again - he is pathetic - he is a joke.

    As for the kids - therapy - but only with an expert in Parental Alienation ONLY
    As for you - get an attorney who handles Parental Alienation ONLY

    He will use his money against you that is why you must have a great attorney to get lawyers fees for you.

    No matter what be happy, healthy, successful and as prosperous as possible and don't let it out if you are upset.

    Read up on Parental Alienation and PAS - I have lots of resources here -

    https://www.facebook.com/StopCourtOrderedParentalAlienation

    Be very very careful PAS kids can become dangerous quickly. You might be put in a position that you are damned not matter what you do - nothing you can do about it - shrug it off and move on. Again, feel bad for these kids - it is them he is hurting not you.

    Good luck

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 July 2012 00:21 posted by Guest

    Charles,

    Under no: Charles,

    Under no circumstances should you allow this to break you either emotionally or financially. You can only do your best with what you have to fight for your kids. Do whatever you can. If you still have legal custody then use it - be a part of their lives and keep trying but the key is that you must be happy, healthy, successful and prosperous because your kids might come back to you one day and you want to show them that you have a life that you want to share with them.

    PAS can go both ways - some kids are salvagable and some are not. Either way - keep your head up - stay proud and keep marching on. If you fail, laugh it off and try again.

    See if you are happy your ex will feel stupid and then act stupid. Eventually her true colors will come out.

    Hang in there - check out many facebook pages: https://www.facebook.com/StopCourtOrderedParentalAlienation

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 July 2012 00:15 posted by Guest

    Michael,

    Hi - there is still: Michael,

    Hi - there is still hope for your daughter you never know as an alienated child I came back to my mother and realized that my father was deeply troubled - I wanted nothing to do with him for what he did to me - he had no right to badmouth about her. Good for you for turning your life around. At least the Alienator doesn't win that!

    Regarding your plans on the federal level - you might want to contact Joan at http://www.pas-intervention.com/PASI/Home.html as she has similar plans.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 July 2012 00:09 posted by Guest

    Be very very careful: What he is doing is called Parental Alienation and eventually if he keeps up your son will develop parental alienation syndrome. He is grooming this child to be a monster who will eventually turn on you. Sounds like your ex might be a Narcissist or suffer from NPD which makes him very dangerous.

    Take your child to a Parental Alienation Psychologist and get the name of a Parental Alienation Expert attorney. Be proactive and ready. You can try to handle this on your own but good luck with that - if you aren't careful he will turn your son against you.

    Regarding your discipline - be very careful - he will use it against you - honestly don't play into it - it might mean that you will need to be less strict. My son stole from me because Dad told him to - my older sons hit me when I tried to discipline them. Get help fast.......and do your research.

    Understand what is going to happen next.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 18 July 2012 09:27 posted by Guest

    Parent alienation: Wow. You really did good for yourself. My issue since July 2010 I have barely seen my 3 children last time I saw them was July 18,2011 1 yr today with supervised visit. My ex wife has made it her business to stop any contact with my 3 children In order to sign the divorce I had no choice in new York to take 1 yr oop against ex and 3 kids lawyer said either that 30000 in legal fees I gave up joint custody! What a mess. Any suggestions. I love my kids this parent aielnation is really getting
    Me sick

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 09 July 2012 10:54 posted by Guest

    Only in America!

    Here in: Only in America!

    Here in Europe we don't feel the need to mutilate young boys by circumcising them.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 30 June 2012 12:18 posted by Guest

    He's trying to win my son's affection.: I'm in a dilemma that maybe some of you can help me with.
    After nearly 10 years of being apart and 6 years of divorce, My ex is STILL extremely vindictive and will not stop at nothing to try and hurt me.

    He has done everything in his power on trying to make me miserable but yet has never accomplished that. I had left him because of his controlling and abusive behavior. Yet, he projects all the issues on me as if everything is my fault still. In his eyes, the whole world is screwed up but he's ok! I can go on and on about the things he does but that would be pointless. All I can say is that there is always a new surprise from him the next day about an ridiculous issue. The big joke is what's next?

    But getting to the main reason here. He has found a way to get under my skin. He is using my youngest son to get back at me. My youngest never really bonded with him because he had left for jobs out of state and decided to leave us to marry another woman who ended up dumping him. He came back and I tried to work it out. After two years of hell, I decided to leave him when our son was 2. I never kept our kids a way from him but he will say otherwise. I have always kept an open line of communication for the kids to connect but he finds ways to make it look as if I am keeping them away from him. Always one excuse after another.

    So my rule in the house is no violent games, movies or toy guns in the house, period!!! Well, my ex knows about this rule and decided to win my youngest sons affection by allowing him to play with BB guns, play violent Xbox, games and so forth. I am not happy! Last night, my son told me he hates his life and wants to commit suicide. Mind you, he's 10!!!! I monitor what he watches, and what he does on the internet. Believe it or not, I am very laxed with things but I have my limits to protect they're innocence. The man cannot find another way??? Why does he have to use that as a way to hurt me?

    Do I have any rights? What do I do about this? I am dealing with a very angry man who promised me (the only promise he's ever kept) that if I left him, he'd make my life miserable. So he can't touch me, but he's brain washing my youngest son against me.








  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 28 June 2012 19:14 posted by Guest

    Justice: Good for you. Someone that is finally doing something about the unfairness in our court system. The bias against father's needs to end. Children have the right to enjoy both parents equally, those that try to interfere with that right need to be punished.

    Jen V.
    Single Mom of 3

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 26 June 2012 21:27 posted by Guest

    Services: Any advice for a Dad who is actively training his children what to say in court against their Mom.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 25 June 2012 16:00 posted by Guest

    Father's Day and Pain: Dear Micheal,

    My heart goes out to you. I have been dealing with my divorce for the past 5 years, after 12 years of marriage. Today, I just received an email that Dad purchased a car without me with out oldest son. I am ignored, put down, and yelled at. I am manipulated and my kids are suffering the most with 50/50 custody. He uses money to control because he can . No matter what I have tried, he seems a step ahead and I do not know what to ask for. I am a good Mom and I keep praying to know what I can do to stop his cruelty.
    He has started trying to turn the kids against me, by putting me down. this Father's Day I was told how I ruined his day by trying to confirm plans via email and picking the kids up from work. We have had mediatars, parenting coordinators, and attorney, but is all comes down to money. He has far more.
    I have had numerous health issues, to which he says he does not care and tries to turn it against me.

    Waiting to bring my shattered pieces into stained glass beauty.
    ~J.C.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 21 June 2012 12:53 posted by Guest

    it's not just women that do this by the way: I included that comment in my subject line since the blogger below is accusing women of doing the majority of parental alienation. I am a women and I haven't seen my children since 2006 and my psychotic ex promised me that he would destroy my new family after I re-married and as a result completely alienated both children. The judge in Hillsborough County FL - Monica Sierra was a joke and said that she couldn't make the children come to see me. As a result the longer he kept them without the court support, the more justified he was in asking for child support. The judicial system is broken here when bright people who sit on the bench and make decisions can't recognize what is happening to children. I am planning to re-unite with my children as soon as the youngest turns 18 so that there will be no issue with making contact with them.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 17 June 2012 14:33 posted by Guest

    PAS: After ten (10) years of marriage, my former spouse left with our 26 month old daughter on Friday, January 18, 1991. My daughter has had 440 hours contact with me, her father, since then. Today is Fathers Day 2012. 440 hours of contact with my daughter. No contact with my daughter for nine (9) years. I do not have knowledge whether or not she is alive or dead, where she lives, etc. I have been incarcerated three (3) times by the local authorities for using the court system to try to obtain, legally, visitation with my daughter back between 1991 and 1997. Each time my attempts failed and I was punished by being awarded with an increase in child support. Although allegations of domestic violence were made by the former spouse, the actions never occurred. The allegations were made a matter of record to allow custody by the courts for our daughter to be in favor of my former spouse. My daughter hates me with all the gusto one can muster up in ones mind. Starting at age fourty six (46) I have suffered two heart attacks, May 1997 and September 1998. I was not to live by my former spouses wishes. But I have survived. I went back to school and earned BA in Legal Studies/Criminal Justice, a Masters in Forensic Sciences, thesis : Parental Alienation Syndrome. I have two (2) years of law school under my belt. I have been happily married to an outstanding women for over nineteen (19) years. My law practice will be limited to federal court civil rights violations and abuse by state employees dealing with children. These individuals are not above the law and there are no statute of limitations in federal court, federal civil rights violations. The millions of children that have been deprived their rights to be raised by BOTH parents will have their day in court. I cannot help my daughter, she is beyond hope. But, I can destroy those that prey on innocent children and in their greed, destroy that which they say their helping. Oh, by the way, there is no real money in what I wish to do. I will be bucking the entire family state court system.


    Michael Goldwater, HMl, USN (ret) BA, MFS, 2L

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 15 June 2012 22:38 posted by Guest

    Understood: While I believe everybody has the right to their own god, forcing your false beliefs on others is a poor way to get your point across. Neither your god or any god has the power to change free will. People will be evil and vindictive however they want. Most of the time it is the parent's fault for the poor up-bringing. Do me and everyone else a favor and pray to your god to change the court system process of how divorce actions work. Instead of lawyers making big bucks because the two parties can't co-operate, have the judge listen to the individuals involved and if possible, have the children involved in the final decision, it is their lives that are getting affected the most, not the two divorcing. I hear all too often "in the best interest of the children" being said, yet it is the furthest thing from the truth.

    Here is another one for those of you whom are GALs ..... investigate and stop sitting on your duffs collecting a paycheck for doing nothing. You are supposed to be our "children's advocates" not money grubbing slackers.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 07 June 2012 04:25 posted by Guest

    No its NOT eric!!!! Men: No its NOT eric!!!! Men have found that the fathers divorce advocate defense can be used and it is sorely abused by the system. My sister has been the victim of the courts because of her vindictive controlling ex husband for more than a decade and its heartwrenching!!! Because my sister is the mother everyone wants...dedicated to her kids and attentive to every need
    My heart is breaking too!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 05 June 2012 19:48 posted by Guest

    You are warped! Doctor!

    This: You are warped! Doctor!

    This poor girl suz is the meat in the sandwich between her selfish parents , she obviously does not want to be disloyal to either of them, she points out how her father does not say nasty things about her mother
    however her mother does not afford her father the same respect (the wagging tongue of an ex fish wife)

    your comments are full of spite and are not helpful to this girl , you are injecting your own bitter situation here
    clearly you need help .. consult your doctor !


    Suz tell your mother NOT to say nasty things about your father in your presence , you are an adult now at 21, you need to stand up for yourself, make it clear to your mother that when she says these things about your father it hurts you and makes you feel awkward , if your mother cares about your feelings more than she is self absorbed by the hatred and jealousy she has for your father .. simply because YOU love him

    if your mother does not respect your wishes and continues to insult your father YOU will learn the TRUTH
    about your mother, and can progress from there

    how much your mother and father are in your life is up to you NOW
    you get to decide as you are an ADULT
    do not let either of your parents bully you

    good luck

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 04 June 2012 17:02 posted by Guest

    Breaking my Heart: It is a sign of a weak and selfish parent that would do this. My son is 7 and his father has been poisoning him with lies about me. There once was a day that I was loved and adorned by my son and now he only wants to be with his dad. He is too young to understand his dad spending more time in the casinos and draining his college fund. I would never tell him of this because I will not drop to that level. When married I would joke that I was a single parent with better resources because his father was never around by his own choice. Now, his father has no choice but to spend every other week with his son and my son is soaking up every last hateful word about me. What makes matters harder is that I let him stay in the home because I had family in the area to move in with and my son is under the assumption that I left them because his dad has the house. Got off on a venting tangent... Sorry. I have no idea how to show and tell my son that I did this not only for his long term happiness but my own as well. I'm afraid what his dad is telling him will carry over for years to come and that I will ultimately lose the love of my son. Tear.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 28 May 2012 23:15 posted by Guest

    Any pointers on how to talk to my lawyer about issues of P.A.S.!: ubmitted by Ccam (not verified) on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:05pm. I have Aspergers Syndrome! Each Aspie as we call ourselves...is different! Yes I'm emotional! But very docile! For 10 years. I have faced being bullied my daughters mother, her family and her friends! Which some are police officers! Over a year ago she had one of her officer friends assault me and it put me in the hospital! They lied and stuck up for each other and all charges against them were dropped! I really want that my lawyer will help with this issue really help! If anyone who understands the law as to this issue of parental Alienation syndrome...please! Please! Get back to me email me call me! Anything! Oh, how I want this to end! My phone no.# is 541-622-9859 Thank you all, so very much!

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 28 May 2012 23:05 posted by Guest

    any pointers on how to talk to my lawyer about this issue of PAS: I have Adopters Syndrome! Each Aspie as we call ourselves...is different! Yes I'm emotional! But very docile! For 10 years. I have faced being bullied my daughters mother, her family and her friends! Which some are police officers! Over a year ago she had one of her officer friends assault me and it put me in the hospital! They lied and stuck up for each other and all charges against them were dropped! I really want that my lawyer will help with this issue really help! If anyone who understands the law as to this issue of parental Allentown syndrome...please! Please! Get back to me email me call me! Anything! Oh, how I want this to end!

    My phone no.# is 541-622-9858

    Thank you all, so very much!

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 28 May 2012 22:42 posted by Guest

    parental alienation syndrome!: Not it's Not just women! But it is 95% percent of women who act out this way! It's pretty much her way it the highway! I don't know or care about you anymore...showing that she is all that matters!
    When I'm talking about 95% I'm not saying world wide! I'm talking about her in the states and that is for this specific
    issue. This weekend my daughter spent with me at first was really great! And the yesterday out of no where she changed went cold and disrespectful! Telling me no! And I embarrass her screaming at me in front of everyone while stand with her friends. Made a big scene and it was demoralizing I felt like crying, helpless, and embarrassed! Her mom invaded on my time my daughter...surrounding her with her family and their friends! She was sitting on her mom's lap and hugging her...laughing and talking as if I didn't exist! Like I could, see them... But they couldn't see me! I was totally alienated...humiliated...crushed! Like I said demoralized! The soccer tournament is my time to be with her! And feel close! The last two years have really exploded with her mom! She puts our daughter in the middle of everything! Sharing and exaggerating on our arguments and conversations we have! Revealing text messages to my daughter she receives from me to communicate! This is worse than anything I have ever had to face! I'm going to court June 7th. I pray, with my heart that Y.H.W.H. SPIRIT and help guidance and protection would would please help me right now! As I pray that he also would help others according to his will ...as I pray He dose for my daughter and me!

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 28 May 2012 16:38 posted by Guest

    I can sympathise with: I can sympathise with everyone on here, I am a single father of 3 girls, my wife walked out on me 2yrs ago taking the girls with her, at first she would not let me have any access to them at all, then her grip failed on my 2 youngest when I finally got to see them, but only after I had been to my solicitor over access to them, my 2 youngest told me they wanted to live with me, I took her to court & got full custody of my 2 youngest daughters, my eldest had her own choice, but her statement read nearly word for word as her mother’s did in court. I never once stopped her from having any contact with them, unless the girls told me they didn’t want to see her, then we would sit & talk about why they didn’t want to go, but nowadays they very rarely want to go see their mother, they would like to see their eldest sister, but she is now 15, and her mother & her new boyfriend let her do anything she wants, they even buys her smokes & booze. I can count on one hand the amount of times I have seen my eldest since the split, it is very annoying though, cos she was always a daddy’s girl but now she doesn’t even class me has her dad anymore, which does hurt, but what none of them have ever thought about, is the affect it has on our 2 youngest daughters, 13 & 11, they are at the age where to me they take a lot more notice of things than most people give them credit for. But now since my estranged wife does not even answer their texts or calls, they are starting to treat her like she is doing with them, yet no matter how many times I have told her that the way she is treating them is pushing them further & further away from her, all I get in reply is, your turning them against me, it all your fault, I have heard that from her so many times now, that it does not even register with me anymore, but it is still annoying because I have tried to sort things out for her concerning our kids, even to the point as to let her sit in my house with them on her own and I would go out while she is here, but nothing has worked. All I feel like doing now, is just giving up on her, but I don’t want my girls to think I am the nasty one by no longer trying for their sake, it’s a bit of a catch 22 scenario in a way, even though she has not spoken to me properly since she walked out & just acts like I never even existed (17yrs of not existing is a long time), If I don’t do anything it will affect my kids later in life & when I do try, all I get is ignored or told it’s me stopping them seeing her. It just goes to show, that no matter what you do in life to try to help someone, they will always use what they can to turn it around or to turn someone against you, has she has done with my eldest, all I can do, is hope that one day she will realize I have done nothing wrong, I text her all the time letting her know both me & her sisters love & miss her, but never get a reply anymore, now I am just out of ideas has to what to do and just have to wait to see what father time will bring in the future

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 27 May 2012 15:01 posted by Guest

    I dont agree: My comment to you is - perhaps your mom does not mean to say all those bad things about your dad to be evil. I am sure that she has her reasons, and perhaps throughout the marriage there has been something that your father neglected to provide your mother. Your mother probably voiced her feelings to no avail, and handled her emotions the best way she could. Be careful as to how you express yourself because perhaps your father did things to your mom in subtle ways, then made them appear as if your mom was the guilty and evil one.
    I am sure that there are two sides of the story, and neither your mom or dad are excluded, they both played a part to the demise of the marriage. They are both at fault.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 25 May 2012 09:28 posted by Guest

    That is exactly what is: That is exactly what is happening to me!! My son returns from my X and is putting me thrugh the same. That is unbelieveable. I am the worst parent for making him to his homework or chores. My x despises the fact I have moved on and makes the most derogatory remarks about me.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 24 May 2012 17:49 posted by Guest

    Wow! I perfectly understand.: Wow! I perfectly understand. I am going through the exact same situation, and yes it is heart breaking
    Only a person who is going through the same situation can perfectly understand. But what comes
    Around goes around. I believe in the justice of God. I encourage you to also believe and trust in God.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 23 May 2012 13:08 posted by Guest

    It isn't just women, Eric. : It isn't just women, Eric. My ex has done this with my 11 year old daughter. Exactly like you, my daughter now hates me, and my ex is constantly stalking me and trying to get me back, and I am getting remarried! His mother is on my side, and tells him that I am never coming back to him because he is emotionally abusive. He has heart problems and told my daughter that he will dies of a heart attach if he sees me with my fiance, so my daughter doesn't come home anymore because she is afraid he will die alone. My ex is alternately begging me to come back, texting, phoning me at work, and my daughter thinks he lost custody of her because "the judge was white" (my ex is African American). I have full legal and physical custody, but she wants to live with him because she says he doesn't yell at her and I do: she is going through puberty and I make her shower every morning. I also make her do homework, so I am the bad parent in her eyes. I am heartbroken.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 23 May 2012 02:09 posted by Guest

    Are You Serious : Omg ! Alot of ppl don't do it because of their religion they r not really worried WHAT FREAKIN GIRLS SAY !!! The REAL concern you should had pointed out would be the fact that they tend to get infections and much more bacteria related diseases! But Boo Woo she didn't have it done you should think about ur answer before u put it down !

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 22 May 2012 20:48 posted by Guest

    The silent treatment!: Well my son lives with my ex. He will be 15 on New Years Eve. I am a disciplinarian when he is with me. I get on him about things that a dad should especially hygeine which can be a battle with him. I always tell him to brush and floss his teeth. Well it turns out my ex calls me one day and says that he has "nine" yes "nine" cavities. She told me how much everything would cost to get them filled ect. before insurance covered anything. I went balllistic. She is one of these mothers that has a touch of Munchausen Syndrome according to my mother. She enjoys my son going through all of this just to get attention and say how much everything will cost because she is all about money. Well she didn't want him to know what the dentist had to do to his teeth. I called the dentist and spoke to him myself to get the exact story. When the dentist told me everything, I immediately called my son and told him everything that would be done to his teeth. My ex called my cell phone about 20 times in a row but I wouldn't answer. So then the text messages started one after another. She was calling me all kind of names. That happened in March and my son hasn't spoken to me since and it is now May 22nd. I text him every so often to let him know that I'm thinking about him. I hate to say it but these women today are just simply evil!!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 22 May 2012 12:32 posted by Guest

    What ended up happening with: What ended up happening with your daughter? Mine is 12 and acting the same way yours was at that age. And I agree with you that I will not be treated like a doormat -- why should I spend my money, jeopardize my career, lose friends and twist myself inside out to give her dance lessons and sports activities when she is so horrible to me. Any suggestions?
    Thanks so much!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 22 May 2012 12:19 posted by Guest

    You are not very nice to your: You are not very nice to your mother. She is the only mother you will ever have, so think twice about how you are treating her. It sounds like you need counseling.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 13 May 2012 18:18 posted by Guest

    I feel your pain: My ex has my son and she has not been letting me see my son. She lives in Budapest, Hungary (long story) but she said that she would always let me see my son because I am his daddy. Now, she met someone and is trying to block me from his life. Nothing means anything to me anymore. All I do is think about my son. I can't find passion in anything. I am like the walking dead. I pray that things get better but have a sigh of relief knowing I'm not alone. Stay strong!

    Kevin

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 13 May 2012 02:24 posted by Guest

    Please help me: Girl I know how you are feeling I remarried 22 years ago my
    Youngest of three girls was 7 my first husband was an abuser and cheater
    After 13 years I left and when I remarriedy life became a living
    Hell with my ex the thing he would say about me to the children
    And do to the Children. My new husband took my children in like
    His own bought them cars, houses and anything else they needed
    Help with , the girls were always momma girls until on day
    Everything started to change two don't speak to us and
    Will not let us continue our relationship with our first born
    Grandchild we have mourned like a death what do we do

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 11 May 2012 15:54 posted by Guest

    That's ridiculous. Many boys: That's ridiculous. Many boys are not circumcised these days, ever since doctors' organizations in the 1980s publicly announced it was completely unnecessary for good health. My son is uncircumcised and when I asked him, now that he's in his 20s, what he thinks about it, he said it is not a problem on any level. It may be harder if you live in a small town atmosphere, but in larger populations, it is simply a choice a family made based on medical information and because of a wish to avoid painful procedures.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 09 May 2012 08:26 posted by Guest

    Always alwasy circumcise: Always alwasy circumcise boys. They will hate u if u dont. Girls make fun of them. Whats wrong with u. Why would u do that to them. Ur wrong for that.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 08 May 2012 22:57 posted by Guest

    Shafted Mother: I am a mother and my son was turned against me. Not only was his Dad responsible for making him a very angry boy he never even played ball with him as a child, I was the one that took my son fishing, camping, swimming, friends overnight, bikeriding,in other words I did everything with my son to make his life happy and his Dad destroyed it to the point he doesnt want to go anywhere with me. He is 17 and Ive lost him. He says hateful things and tells me continually everything is my fault and Im a horrible person, because for six months I left during the seperation and he didnt pay bills and the house was lost. I know what happened and I also know I am not a horrible person I was the best mom I could be and I am too old to fight for something that cant and wont ever be there again. (his words not mine)
    I had two children and I now know what the bible means when it says "Those that have no children will be luckiest
    of all because these children living today have been brainwashed into deserting thier parents. I wish the next generation much luck because if children can ditch their own mother what kind of parents will they make. Will they ditch their kids too? Thank God I have Jesus and that is all I have. And pretty much all I ever had
    Mom went from Hero to ZERO in six months (thought leaving was better than fighting everday in front of our child)
    Guess i was wrong again : (

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 08 May 2012 20:46 posted by Guest

    Please help me: I do not know where to start. Three of my adult children have exiled me permanently. I am so devastated and perplexed at this time that I cannot go into detail. I am crawling through my daily life routines. It feels like someone has stolen my blood. Somebody throw me a lifeline. Only two people know of this shaming and heart rendering situation I am in. I was a devoted and loving mother.I met my ex husband on a blind date in high school. Our marriage was twenty years. All of my life, all I ever dreamed of was being a mommy. All four of my children were purposely and timely conceived, delivered naturally, breastfed, two girls, two uncircumcised boys. My oldest is 30, my youngest is 20. My aching never subsides. I need somebody within this forum to reach out to me. I am a 54 year old woman who feels like my skin is rubbed raw and falling off of my bones. I NEVER abused my kids. I am not in a cult. I could not lay my infants in their cribs at night unless I sang twelve lullaby's.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 19:39 posted by Guest

    Alienation and Concern: Thanks for everyone for putting your comments in. Its interested from my perspective that both Mothers and Fathers are affected.

    So here is my part:

    I have a beautiful daughter Charlotte who is now 7 years old. I separated from my ex-wife when she was 3 years old and even though there was a level of turmoil between us, we agreed that we would do what was best for our daughter and try to make it work. So, initially, I saw Charlotte every 2-3 days and had her every 2nd weekend. Everything was great. Charlotte revelled in having time to play with Dad.

    About 6 months in, my ex-wife started to minimise communication with me and the result was that I didn't get to see my daughter as often as I wanted, so I did the logical thing and asked for a mediation to formalise a parenting plan for us to agree to. My ex-wife did this and I got to see Charlotte on a regular basis. Charlotte loved this, she was always excited to see me and always was pushing my ex-wife to see me more. This worked for 2-3 months and then I got an email from my ex-wife stating that she wanted to change the plan as Charlotte was not sleeping well and was upset when she wasn't around me. She thought it was in Charlotte's best interest to minimise the interaction. I was not comfortable with this as Charlotte and I had a great relationship and so I pushed back and disagreed with her.

    The result was that my ex-wife closed up on me and started to argue with me. She sent vindictive emails to me and I reacted by sending formal notices to her on the parenting plan (admittedly I was quite pushy in these communications). During this time, I had just lost my job and was in the process of looking for another. She out rightly refused me contact to my daughter and I didn't have the money to pursue it. I spoke to a psychologist and she said I should give my ex-wife time to get to grips with her life and then when the water had settled, have a more informal conversation with her.

    So I left it for a month and then tried to contact my ex-wife to organise this. She said that I was doing the right thing by Charlotte in not being in her life and that I created stress in Charlotte's life and that it would be best for her if I just disappeared. She then barred my mobile, home phone and email.

    Its now been 3 years, I have the means now to pursue my daughter and so I contacted my ex-wife through a 3rd party mediator and requested a new parenting plan. My ex-wife begrudgingly went along, agreed to the plan and we kicked off a re-introduction with my daughter. As part of the parenting plan, I requested that a Child Psychologist saw Charlotte to get an understanding of how Charlotte perceived me, what she wanted and also how she wanted to see me.

    In essence, Charlotte said that she wanted to see me. She wanted to spend time with me, she wanted to come over and stay with me and wanted to see my family and she wanted to introduce her friends to me. I was over the moon.

    So I started to see Charlotte. Its been 1 month since we first saw each other and I ahve seen her 5 times during this, although I got an email from my ex-wife saying pretty much the same thing as the earlier plan, that Charlotte wasn't sleeping properly and that she was stressed and that it would be in Charlotte's best interest that I didn't see her as much.

    Am I going through the same thing again? Is my ex-wife poisoning my daughter by her own anxiety about having me around in her life?

    I am at the point of just saying, bugger it, I am going to Court for an arbitrary order.

    What to do....








  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 04:25 posted by Guest

    You need an attorney today: You need an attorney today right now. Document your efforts and his refusals in a spiral notebook

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 04:22 posted by Guest

    Don't give up: It you give up your just reinforcing her bad mouthing to your children. Stay and they will see, give up and the excuse that mom was too difficult to deal with WILL NOT be good enough for them.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 04:20 posted by Guest

    Get a spiral notebook ( must: Get a spiral notebook ( must be spiral) Keep a hand written account of your children's behavior and what's the father says to you in fact make all communication in written form or dont communicate with him. This will protect you and hurt him in the long run or he will at least curb his words since they are documented. Then if you can put your children in therapy then it's not you or word against his it's his words against a professional that has more credibility than either of you. Be involved with schooling let the teachers see they can testify. I may not have helped read so many the questions are starting to blur together.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 04:14 posted by Guest

    Where I live it is required: Where I live it is required by law the parent offer the other parent opportunity to watch the child if needed before doing things like babysitters. You need to get yourself an attorney really they are the only ones to tell you the rich answer. After all they did go to school for that very reason

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 04:09 posted by Guest

    Your X knows this harsh: Your X knows this harsh treatment only exacerbates your condition that's why he does it to
    Maintain control. date during the weekdays your date or friends will understand. I know it's not the same but you gotta do what you gotta do. I understand wanting a life outside your home but do that when you don't have your child and the. Cherish your child when you have them. Even if it means being single until they are old enough to stay home alone while you're out. Youre child will recognize your sacrifices one day.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 04:03 posted by Guest

    Child suPport and custody are: Child suPport and custody are two different entities. Child support cannot establish custody for you you are asking he right questions just asking the wrong people. Go for custody

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 04:00 posted by Guest

    Damn skippy you tell em.: Damn skippy you tell em.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 03:58 posted by Guest

    Not to mention it only takes: Not to mention it only takes one phone call true or false to make child services involved. Tell you what I'll even give you an example. My cousin has been dealing with vindictive ex in laws whom have grandparents rights since their son thought it would be a good idea to molest my cousins daughter from a previous relationship. This of course is her fault in their eyes. Whatever. Regardless her son had surgery for a hole in his heart and because they are four ordered to not call cps ( they've been doing it for five years now). What's odd is about a week after the surgery cps went to my cousins home for a call claiming her child had had surgery and wasnt being cared for properly. Another odd thing about it the call came from north Carolina, seeing as my cousin lives in Texas how did this happen? I'm sure it has absolutely. Itching to do with he ex I laws having a relative in north carolina. Couldn't be that you see because every one in. Irth carolina knew my cousins son had had surgery. The allegations were unfounded but once a claim is made and investigation HAS to be opened and it takes 30 to 45 days to close it. Don't ask dumb questions.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 03:50 posted by Guest

    I would have thrown him out: I would have thrown him out too and people who haven't had bad experiences with child services have no idea the damage they can inflict. My child is so sweet and loving then he goes to his dads and I get the exorcist toddler back. We are the ones who have been there from the beginning not his father. But no one seems to care about that. He can say I'm difficult to deal with but how would he know there are many weekend I offered him time with his child practically begged but he refuse because I would be there. How horrible it must be for me to sit in the car while he plays in the park with his son. Oh wait he never showed. Now I'm supposedly a bad mother my ex has tried using the police the courts and child services to STEAL my child from me. I say my because he didn't help I did it alone he saw to that. Notice said tried to steal. I'm a damn good mother always knew I would be always will be. But as soon as his sister moved next door now he is interested in seeing the baby why because he has a babysitter? Regardless you Pass judgement but you don't know you were. It there and remember this site is for support not naysaying. Go back to Facebook since your so keen on drama. We have no need for it here.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 03:38 posted by Guest

    Read the letter head a coo unity of SUPPORT ya jerk: So it seems you have decided cheating justifies systematically damaging your children. Say what you want and yes I did hit that jerk. Wouldn't have happened if he hadn't put me through three years of it first. And no the police would not help before when he left marks on me almost ran me over with a car that's okay but I hit him once and bam a free one way trip to the slammer. Your judge based on your own or what seems like lack of experience and verbally kick someone while they are down. As of this moment you are no better than the bad mouthing exes

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 03:31 posted by Guest

    Wow!!! You're a jerk: Sounds like you need anger management. Since you wanna be such a jerk. I find most comments helpful as it gives me extra insight in what to possibly expect. People are on here looking for help or comfort. Maybe you should take a mixology before you respond so harshly to someone who is already hurting. Kick em while they're down that's a wonderful idea. Douchebag!

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 03:08 posted by Guest

    Hmmmmmm...: It's funny. Ecause I agree with you wholly save for one instance, mine. If it wasn't for course ensuring family connections my ex would not have the opportunity to bad mouth myself and my parents to our now very confused and lashing out three year old. This is why I hate blanket laws.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 02:54 posted by Guest

    What do I do for my baby: What could your mother have done to help you against your fathers naysaying towards her. I agree some kids can make up their own minds and that what I want for my son. Even though he is three I tell him to love who he wants. It makes me ill but I lie and tell him I like daddy and daddy loves him. Because of the damage the other words would do. What age do you think I should tell him all his father did to us. It's not just me or just my son he is damaging it's both of us. It insane to me that I have my toddler scheduled for therapy. Any advice from your perspective would be wonderful.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 02:43 posted by Guest

    Sometimes it's just wanting: Sometimes it's just wanting to not have rules makes the kid want the other parent. Simple as that, sometimes they think if they live with their parent that will make them loved by said parent. I am the stricter parent and half way expect him to want to live with his father as a teen considering his father sticks around that long given his history.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 02:37 posted by Guest

    I would find someway ANY way: I would find someway ANY way to let my girls know I try and want to see them and be in their lives.mom can't get the mail everyday. One day all these things will show them they are loved even if you couldn't be there physically.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 02:33 posted by Guest

    Sometimes...: I'm sure this is not the case but sometimes these behaviors are brought on by substance abuse. Could be worth looking into. If she wants tO know why tell her flat out she is either being told lies about you or on drugs because that is how she is behaving.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 02:23 posted by Guest

    Bad Signs!!!!: These are the SAME behaviors my three year old son displayed not long before I found out hIs father was saying bad things about me and even encourages him to call another woman mommy only two mOnths after our sPlit. I now you don't want to believe it but it sounds like you are being talked about badly.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 02:16 posted by Guest

    my son has been turned against me: I have an ex wife that has turned my 18yr old against me because she couldnt handle the fact that i wanted out of the marriage and that i got residential custody of my 16yr old. and the house. She loves to blame it on the girlfriend and she wasnt even in the picture. I just wish that she would grow up and stop being a perpetual victim and start realizing that what she is doing is hurting the kids. I also have been made to feel like i am the bad guy cause i stopped my 16yr old from hanging out at his mothers apartment with his older brother because they were drinking in the apartment, and when i told her on the phone she says to me she is going to call the cops on me for being at her house, well i told her that i will report her to the police and get a police report that underage drinking is going on. What an Asshole she is, you would think she would be happy that i am trying to stop our son from making bad habits. Well any advice is helpful. Thanks

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 02:15 posted by Guest

    ????: Is it really failure when someone is trying to sabatoge you.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 02:13 posted by Guest

    This why I hate blanket laws: You need a therapist to testify to your step kids and it will give you more results. In my state the fathers have what seems like mOre and more rights everyday more than the mother. This is largel due to the slew of shitty moms surfacing over the last few decades. I have witnessed it first hand how ever in my case I was left to care the baby alone even without a local support system and he knew it. He tried to have me abort the baby when I was right months along. And now he is using fathers rights to his advantage and try to take the baby. He has tried to say I hit our child in the face after hitting the coffee table with his poor little face and gaining a nice shiner on his cheekbone( the police say the bruise was consistent with my story along with three other witnesses. He had
    Me investigated by social services for drugs, I now have a letter stating the allegtions were unfounded. There is more. My point is I believe in fathers rights but to what extent in some cases. In florida the statute states that equal time sharing is beneficial to children as young as 6 weeks. I do not believe any 6 week old should be away from their (loving) mother overnight, PERIOD. It is cruel that I don't know what happens to my child ( or if he's even alive) from we'd at 5 pm til sun at 5. I never thought I would ever think m child would be better off without his dad but now that he has been granted visitation all my fears then are coming true now. he moved in another woman less than two months after he kicked us out. He has been encouraging my child to call her mommy my child is left with a stranger I know nothing about. All because of fathers rights.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 01:54 posted by Guest

    I'm so afraid of what's to come: Your comment terrifies me I am at the beginning of this horrible journey and cannot conceive my baby boy doing these things I am so sorry you experienced this in such a way. I will pray for your son to see the truth and desire your love more. It seems in this day and age the ones who do what is right turn up as victims in the end. It is beyond me how some people can wade through poo and somehow manage to come out the other end smelling like roses. MY ex abused me for three years more emotionally than physically. I tried to report him the police refused. I defended myself and I was incarcerated by him of course. Even though his father did not want him he has discovered if he can take the child then I will have to pay him child support. He does. It allow our child to call me when he has him. And I know he is speaking ill of myself and my parents because my child is repeating it to me. He has even told me his father has said I'm a bad mother. Luckily he is three so he doesn't really know what he is telling me. Through all he has done i have never said a bad word. But when he is old enough to understand i will show him the photos of bruises his dather put on me. Im not sure when that will be but i imagine his therapist will. I will pray GOD fixes yours and prevents mine.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 01:33 posted by Guest

    Your children: I wish I could reply this to every post but here is a solution to PAS parent alienation syndrome( why its a syndrome I dunno) in my state a minor cannot testify due to parents trying to manipulate. I do what I can to assured three year old that I love him and he is my world. Most of the time he gets it. I bet you can guess when he doesn't get it considering his father has visitation. Regardless what my attorney has told me is....
    Put your child in therapy! The therapist can then decide if PAS is in fact occurring, and then help you undo he damage your ex is causing them emotionally and mentally. This is considered a form of mental abuse to your kids and he can have his visits monitored or even revoked. Involving a therapist not only will help you help your child/children but then it is no longer your word against his. And let's face it for the parents of teens their attitudes are already bad enough without someone helping them create more animosity. Also never forget that children sometimes use their parents resentment toward each other to their own advantage.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 01:22 posted by Guest

    Your mum: These things you mention about your mother are classic symptoms of mental disorders, if anything you could say or do for your mum it would probable be to seek treatment for her problems seeing as they are intense enough to cause problems in most facets of her life. Unfortunately most people with social problems involving romance, careers , and family points toward thugs like schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder. I hope this helps

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 04 May 2012 22:54 posted by Guest

    Breakthrough Parenting Online Courses & Consulting: Hello,

    I am a step mother and having gone through and still currently fighting through parental alienation along side my partner in his litigation, we have been successful in fighting PAS, parental alienation. We have two girls who are 11 and 13.

    Over the course of the last year I have under gone hours consulting with lawyers, and psychologists and experts in the field including a training course of Dr Jayne Minor's work. My partner and I are certified parenting instructors, we teach groups of parents how to over come high confict with their kids and get back to peaceful parenting. Will skills, knowledge and good judgement.

    I am especially interested in using my clinical skills as a Nurse Practitioner and my experience in PAS, I can help other parent's currently in the court system or who wish to litigate (Canada and US) . I will help you obtain the Certification for Breakthrough Parenting a widely recognized 20 hour course and letter of completion to prove to the judge you have superior parenting skills. This is the first step to a successful court case. It takes about a month to complete. It takes a committment to practice.

    Breakthrough Parenting is offered mainly in the states, you may have a local instructor, or please feel free to contact me, I provide coaching and courses via skype, and GotoMeeting online. This is part of a powerful defense against parental alienation. I also provide editing for parenting plans and 1:1 coaching. I am a masters prepared nurse and I offer professional coaching and consulting. I can provide the parenting course on a slide scale for those who are on a budget!

    I look forward to hearing from some of you,

    Please email me for more info-frontlinenp@gmail.com

    Jenna

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 23 April 2012 21:06 posted by Guest

    evil people...: "...all these men?" Are you kidding? Do you have any idea the statistics regarding the number of dads who are denied visitation and given the shaft compared to women? Men and women have about as much in common as republicans and democrats, who are both strangely important to keep a balance...just like moms and dads. However vast the differences, the good of the health, opportunity and freedom of the general population (or children in a fighting family) is only accomplished when basic values are put before petty issues of control and personal preferences. When there is a irreconcilable difference, the vastly superior solution (historically) is to let God and His Word break the tie. No matter how much we disagree or don't understand it, anyone who is reasonable and accountable will agree that probably because God likes to help us see His glory, He blesses our faith in these situations with peace and happiness. There will always be those who don't see the plain truth, but in my experience I always do if I am willing to accept the truth irrespective of the implications that accepting it might have on me personally. Good kids do...and are generally blessed in so doing.
    Not always easy, but always rewarding (both here and hereafter).
    oxo

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 22 April 2012 17:53 posted by Guest

    there are some evil people in: there are some evil people in this world that do this sort of thing, not because they love the spouse but because they are crazy and usually had a poor relationship with their own moms, so, are jealous of the relationship their child has with the mom, and will stop at no odds to turn the kids against a happy/healthy relationship with the mother.

    If only we could put all these men on a ship and ship them off to an island together!!!

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 22 April 2012 09:31 posted by Guest

    Vindictive hateful dad, torn heart, empty home: "Teacher"
    Very good advice!
    Im sorry for your pain
    I revel in about the same crap with my controlling ex but I , like you , decided to just move on.

    No amount of coaxing and pleading and arguing is going to convince our children that we are the one who gave birth to them, fed them, loved them, almost worshipped them, took them to the doctor, cared for them, got up nights for them, pay for their activities, throw them parties, do whatever their little hearts wish,,,,,yet somehow we are still the evil villian mother who somehow to them through their dads evilness are "nosy"

    The best thing we can do right now is LET THEM GO! They will only make us more miserable . Never give up on them, but dont pin down an evil devil that is stronger than the angel insided of us. ONE DAY , our time will come back.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 22 April 2012 09:22 posted by Guest

    Poisonous vindictive control freakin dads: OMG , I actually could have WRITTEN this! All about the same date, too. WOW!
    Im so frustrated, sometimes i just lie and cry for my sweet precious baby boy turned bitter image of redneck dad. My heart wont let me die, but my soul is already dead

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 22 April 2012 09:09 posted by Guest

    vindictive powerful poisonous dads: My heart goes out to you! My advice to you is to just let go. I know its the hardest thing in the world. But down the road you will see.
    My 13 yr old son , my ONLY son and my baby, recently told me he hated me when i told him to do his homeword and removed his ipod. He fought me tooth and nail, and called his dad, who (against the law and court order) came and got him. I have had a hard time since seeing him! My ex takes my kids on my time, my weekends, my holidays ,,,and my own family rarely get to see them! My 15 y[r old daughter enjoys all the priviledges i give her , of taking her shopping with her friends, movies, etc. YET IM supposed to be fine when she tries to hide from me in the mall, takes deliberate steps to defy me in front of her friends , and even poke and make fun of me!! My very heart crumbles into when I see her evil father erupt in her! It makes me violently ill to see my beautiful children destroyed by a spouse whom I truly loved but never once showed me love. My advice to anyone who decides to take a leap and dive into a marriage of conveniance. DONT DO IT!!!!! Especially when all the signs of abuse and control are there .. The OP is correct. The kids pay! The parents pay. The whole famiy pays for actions you do in haste . Do your best to keep loving your kids and years down the road , your time will come . Kids dont stay kids forever and they do wake up to what reality is. I have 2 beautiful older kids to prove this point. Your ex will pay in time

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 22 April 2012 08:51 posted by Guest

    I feel your pain!: I pretty much at this point , can guarantee you that your dinner with your daughter didnt yield the glowing results you had hoped for ?

    I have a 13 yr old son and 15 yr old daughter who were the sweetest children God ever put on the face of the earth! But since day one , their dad has welded his redneck, 4-H demanding and grueling meetings, schedules and control over them , demanding they attend "mandatory" meetings on MY TIME, Pushing them if they ever wanted HIM to buy and provide the many junk vehicles he has scattered around his PARENTS, (yes parent) farm, that they best never support the brands I like and only what HE says is good must come from their mouth. This includes the clothes they wear , (i buy them preppy , designer clothes, he farashes trash from every one who will give it to him, plus confiscates it from homes he tears down)!! To the music he listens to....to the church he attends, to the people he associates with. No matter what I do or say, and Ive always been a pillar to my community,,,IM THE BAD , and hes the HERO! (even though he demanded I abort both of them and threatened my very existance if I didnt...)

    This is what you call POISONING their minds. YES he does it. ANd to top it ? He accuses ME of "playing games" RIGHT!
    I always give in to his demands and threats and can never get support or help from authorities due to his parents owning half the county, community, courts, .....

    If God answered prayer

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 22 April 2012 08:37 posted by Guest

    You, Suz , are the perfect example of the OP's story!: You are so much trying to defend your father and putting your Mother down , that you are just the Prime example of the child that has been poisoned.

    The vindictiveness in your dad's whole being is reverberating the very article and bouncing around .
    You protest , in fact so strongly of a "love" for your father to the point of hero worship.

    My teens dad has wiped out all respect my kids have toward me. I am the most loving mother you could ever want and wish for, and have 2 older children also who adore me. There's never a weekend I dont do something special with and for my kids and every day is geared for their happiness.

    You sound like a child who feels betrayed, left out, rejected , and trying to get back at her mother the best way you know how, hurting her to her very core, and you know sticking up for a low life is the best way to hurt her. If your dad is a good dad, that's great, but I see a whole story underneath your shell. You have a Mom who is most likely waiting for you with open arms, while you are spitting in her face, openly, publicly and trying to humiliate her for some reason. Please for your own sake and your families. STOP the insanity!! Try your best to get your relationship back on track. You were only born once. By one person who bore you with love into this world. and you should never forget that fact.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 20 April 2012 00:26 posted by Guest

    Alienation: Alienation

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 16 April 2012 16:09 posted by Guest

    I don't agree: As a daughter who is experiencing parents separating now, i don't agree with this. Maybe my mum read this and she thinks my dad is influencing me to go against her but its not true. Im 21 and i believe i can give valid reasons y im not being influenced by my dad. First of all, my dad never says anything bad about her, he even asks me to learn to love my mother because she is my mum. He still takes care of her and helps her when she gets into trouble. I act like the above is because i am disgusted with my mum's doings. She goes around spreading vicious lies about my dad to his friends and influencing other people to think as if she's the victim. In over 20 years of marriage, my dad has been unhappy but he still tolerates her, takes care of her and give in to her. My dad was the one who took care of my bro and me while we were growing up. He did all the housework and provided my brother and i with the best he can. My mum was hardly around either working or something else. Even if she was home she'd be busy with some other things and will scold us if we were hungry and disturbed her as to her we were suppose to take care of ourselves even if the kitchen was empty. Now my dad has a new friend which he enjoys her company and i feel happy for him. Sometimes i feel guilty of this and i pity my mum for losing everything she did not treasure previously but sometimes i feel that she deserves it for all the evil things she's doing now. To her she's always right and always the best, and that was what ruined her career and her family.

    On a side note, is it normal for me to like my dad's new companion cuz she really takes care of him and makes him happy? I feel so guilty about it when on the other hand seeing my mum sad (i tried to help her make things right but she did not want to follow my advice instead she made things worse) im really in a dilemma now about how to feel..

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 16 April 2012 12:35 posted by Guest

    Sound like you need to get: Sound like you need to get your shit toguether. It is much more complicated than that. All parents should have the right to see their children as long as they are not been harm PERIOD.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 13 April 2012 07:54 posted by Guest

    My 11Yr old Daughter Turned Against me: I've spent the last2 hours reading a lot of the posts. This morning when I woke up I had, pretty much, decided to turn my back on my once loving daughter. I gotta get to work right now. But, OMG I NEVER realized this was a problem for so many and that there was actually a name for it. I have decided to take my daughter to to dinner tonight and just love her for the little time she wants to stomach with me. I'll post the whole story later. But I just really needed to say THANKS to everyone one here.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 10 April 2012 19:24 posted by Guest

    Children and Parents: It's not just the one that has the most money that gets the kids. We are in Oregon, and my spouses ex was awarded kids when she shouldn't have been. She was proven to be bi-polar/manic depressive by a court ordered doctor, and that she would be vindictive towards my husband. They don't give the spouse with more money the children. My spouses ex didn't even have a job after they were divorced and the children were still awarded to her. She was awarded their marital house and vehicle. Since then, she has had their car repossessed, almost had their house taken away, due to the fact she didn't bother to make payments on either one for more than a year after their divorce. She eventually sold the house, because there was money tied up in it..you don't think she would throw away any money, do you?? Hell no. As for the vehicle, my husband was forced to pay for that and we settled for $3k. We then filed a contempt of court on her, plus lawyer fees, court costs..the judge basically threw the book at her because she failed to even show up in court. He also awarded $5k in damages for damages to my husband's credit. It took us a year to even get her served for this contempt of court (and she sent back every attempt from our attorney to contact her). When she was served she tried to deny who she was... Then it took us about 9 mos. to find out where she worked (she wouldn't tell us even when we asked her point blank) so we could even garnish her wages, as she's never even acknowledged that she owed my husband anything. We garnished her for 3 mos. then had to re-apply. We were getting ready to re-apply when we got notice that she listed my husband as a creditor in her bankruptcy case. Then at the same time, she also filed to modify child support. My husband was ordered to pay her $42k over 2 yrs after their divorce in spousal support. Plus she pocketed $15k on the sale of their house. And soon after their divorce she was also working full-time at a job (though, she has a masters degree and works in a call center..don't get me started) so why the hell the need to file bankruptcy?? My husband has a great job, but at the time he was paying her spousal support, he was bringing home $800 a month (4 teenagers eat that much in groceries!!) And HE managed to keep himself out of bankruptcy. Now, she just gets to walk away with no debt and demand more money from him.

    My husband was awarded 3 weekends of every month with the children, plus every Tues night with the kids for an overnight. The parenting time worked out to 45/55 split..with my husband receiving 45% of the kids' time. He quickly found that the Tuesday night visits were not beneficial to the children as they kept forgetting homework or books, and their uniform for their school..and used being at the "other parent's house" as an excuse to do so...So, he let them just stay at their mothers house for Tuesday nights, which has been happening for just about a year. Which she is now using to extort more money from my husband, claiming she has most of the time with the kids, she should get most of his money.

    Don't get me wrong, the kids DO need money to help support them. I do support him paying child support. However, she has proven that she can't even live within her means. And we are the ones to buy them all shoes, coats, haircuts, some clothing and for a while there every other week underwear and socks! And we buy toiletries they bring to their mother's house. These things are expensive for FOUR teenagers! And we are buying them, because we have the resources and we don't want them to go without...we love them..both of us. I am usually the one buying these items for them. But if she is awarded more money, the kids will not get these items we buy them anymore from us..the necessities in life..and they won't get them from her either, because obviously she doesn't know how to manage her finances if she has to file bankruptcy, enough to give her children the necessities. The court ordered that she would be responsible for taking kids to Dr. appts. Yet, it is my husband that takes them to most of them, and pays all the co-pays associated with them. Even my step-son's out-patient drug rehab. She has never showed up for one single appointment. How do you think that makes the kid feel??? I have been there, and met his counselor. The kid even gave me written permission to call his counselor to check up on his progress if I want to. He knows I care. Though, before any of you go and assume I am bad mouthing her, please don't. I made a promise to all four kids that they would never hear me speak ill of their mother. And I am proud to say they never have. Actions speak louder than words anyhow. Though they would never admit that their mother is a money grubbing $itch and that she doesn't take care of them.

    At one point she asked us to take the children for two months because she was going to be homeless because she had no money (That was after my husband was finished paying the spousal support, she rented an expensive house after their divorce to "show" my husband..lot of good that did her). Then she ended up living with one of her friends while she secured another job and found a suitable apartment for her and the kids.
    The courts don't seem to care about the fathers, it's all about the mothers. The court treats my husband horribly, even though they garnish his check and he is ALWAYS current on his child support. My husband had to bring to their attention that he overpaid the spousal support. They didn't want to believe it at first. And it appears their computer systems are so screwed up they can't even figure out a simple math..(Ordered to pay $42k...I paid $52k..do you see a problem here??? DUH!!! They forgot to stop the garnishment of the Spousal Support timely.) They don't want to believe anything about the father and they don't want to believe the mother could ever do anything wrong. Helloo...the people in these cases are not just numbers...get to know the people and the cases, you idiots. Ugh!

    I was a single mother for 15 yrs. My ex and I were very civil to each other. Infact, I was never the "witch of an ex-wife" my husband has. Mine was a civil divorce and I didn't try and get anything more than I needed. Infact I agreed to take a lower child support because I knew my ex would be unemployed soon (at the time he was in the oil business and layoffs were inevitable) and I didn't want to make it tough for him. And, I fully expected to take care of my daughter on my own..and did. However, if I needed anymore support for my daughter, as what usually happens with older children (just school fees and dances and stuff alone)......my ex was always willing to help out. I just don't get these dirty, grimey sorry excuses for women who try and take advantage of men and not do their share in being financially responsible. She always reminds my husband whose kids they are when it comes to money...but they're her kids when she wants anything else. Let me tell you, she also works a job that she has to be away from her kids until after 7pm at night. This allowed two of the kids to get into legal trouble with drugs and alcohol and shoplifting...they have also stole her cigarette's and booze (the hard stuff) that she didn't lock up. I just don't get it..why does our court system allow this??? The court system in Oregon is seriously flawed.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 08 April 2012 18:42 posted by Guest

    I'm glad you said this the: I'm glad you said this the way did. My ex and I have two together, a girl and boy. We were together their whole lives. I also have two boys from a previous relationship, but their father didn't act that way. I ended the relationship when I became ill and started losing my vision. His behavoir really got worse when I became ill because I couldn't do everything for him anymore. He wasn't there for me at all. His sister and him tried to make the situation worse by ganging up on me. When he moved out of our apartment, I thought he would move further away, but he moved in the same apartment complex. This has made my life so miserable. My daughter really doesn't like me anymore. Her father, sister, and grandmother did a great job at brainwashing my daughter. Her father acts like he's dad of the year since we broke up. Before that, he spent more time with his friends and cheating around. I'm so upset! My daughter acts like she likes me because I do take good care of her. I pay attention to all of her school, personal, and all other needs. I've became really depressed and ill because of this. I pray for them. Thats all I can do.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 08 April 2012 18:41 posted by Guest

    I'm glad you said this the: I'm glad you said this the way did. My ex and I have two together, a girl and boy. We were together their whole lives. I also have two boys from a previous relationship, but their father didn't act that way. I ended the relationship when I became ill and started losing my vision. His behavoir really got worse when I became ill because I couldn't do everything for him anymore. He wasn't there for me at all. His sister and him tried to make the situation worse by ganging up on me. When he moved out of our apartment, I thought he would move further away, but he moved in the same apartment complex. This has made my life so miserable. My daughter really doesn't like me anymore. Her father, sister, and grandmother did a great job at brainwashing my daughter. Her father acts like he's dad of the year since we broke up. Before that, he spent more time with his friends and cheating around. I'm so upset! My daughter acts like she likes me because I do take good care of her. I pay attention to all of her school, personal, and all other needs. I've became really depressed and ill because of this. I pray for them. Thats all I can do.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 06 April 2012 16:14 posted by Guest

    Lack of Empathy and Compassion: I have twins a boy and girl aged 12. I left my ex and took my children with me when they were only six months old after I could not take his violence anymore. He lives in a symbiotic relationship with his mother and father. His mother has never been able to let him go of her apron strings and together the three have continued for 12 years to relentlessly alienate me from the children. During the 12 years I returned to higher education to position myself in life whereby as the children get older, I do not become dependent on them. I am an older mother and as I am aware of this fact also means how important self-care is. Unfortunately, together the children's father and their grandparents have continued to try and control the thinking decisions of the children over the years to the point I personally consider their behaviour has caused developmental damage from psychological abuse. Sadly they have been able to carry out their agenda to alienate the children from me in implicitl ways in order to what my ex said he would do to me when he left, and that was to bring me down and to do that they have throught financial resources continued to make me their scapegoat. In order to protect the children from their scapegoating behaviour, I have had years of counselling, cognitive behaviour therapy and joined womens support groups, attempted to get the kids in therapy which my ex put a stop to but in order to feel that I am a good enough mom after years of trying to stop the alientation, mentally has a way of taking its toll in every aspect of my life as a mother, parent, and women. A court parenting order has helped in little ways because as narcissists do, they have no regard for anyone other than themselves and have continued to breach the orders since they were finalised in court over a year ago. The biggest issues is that my children stay with three narcissists with the grandfather also a violent person. So inter-generational narcissim is what I am trying to put a stop to. My ex husband has strategised over the years to involve the children in so many sport at the expense of their education in order to keep control of them and to get access to them as I do not have a protection order, which allows him to see them in public. I have a trespass order which he has breached on several occasions but really the police don't want to know about it and have basically told me to take matters up with a lawyer if my ex keeps misbehaving and breaches the order.

    When I go to the children's sports, they completely ignore me as he completely takes over the children and its as if I don't exist. Even when I make an effort to talk to them, the father is there and has a way of puttiing his arms around my daughter and children and wallking them off in front of me. The father, and grandparents are never apart, this is how symbiotic their relatiionship is. They do not have any friends and the family culture is closed and secretive. My daughter sleeps with her grandmother and my son sleeps with his father when they stay over every second weekend even though a parenting order states they should not. It's almost as though I see two personalities in my daughter. Whether this is a strength she had to adapt to the two different parenting styles, I suppose so but when the two parenting styles meet together such as a sports events, school events, etc., its as though the two clash and the dominant cold, compassionless daughter comes out and I am completely alienated. I do have grave concerns for her psychological development.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 04 April 2012 12:47 posted by Guest

    It can extend to Grand-Children as well.: My ex husband did everything on the list in this blog.Our child is grown with children now.My relationship with my child exists but it has been damaged.My ex is the parent our child turns to the most to this day. Even with the knowledge my ex alienated among other things.I don't even think my grown child realises the ex actually did alienate.It is largely ignored.Our child is an adult and can make choices.I stay out of those choices now that adulthood has been reached.

    I never say anything negative about my ex(although I could)to my child,my child's spouse,or in front of my Grand-Children.

    The ex inserts himself into my family situations,plays games,makes appearances at bad times,etc to this day. He uses the G-Children at times to hurt me.If my child allows it,there is nothing I can do but avoid the ex,the situation as much as possible.I avoid the subject of my ex as much as possible.

    I know when those children are old enough to understand, speaking poorly of me will happen again.Some of the old signs are present that he is positioned to do it again only on a smaller scale.My child will most likely allow it to happen.Things have already been said to my child's spouse but I'm not aware of what has been said only acknowledgment things have been said against me.My child goes along with what my ex wants to prevent the ex from throwing a fit to get his way as he has done for years.

    I explained once(to my child's spouse)in a way my EX would not be maligned or thought ill of ,there was a divorce,ill feelings that obviously haven't been resolved for him and his family,the marriage ended a long time ago and to take what is said with a grain of salt.I am now silent on the subject for the sake of my G-Children.

    There is not much I can do but to be myself,keep in contact with my child,love the g-children when I am able to visit(I live long distance from my child,G-children),acknowledge their special times,speak with them on Skype,etc and hope my ex refrains from repeating the pattern or my child puts a stop to it if so, to protect his children.

    In the meantime,I go on with my life,remember what has been done to not only me but my child and am very careful to be positive about anything I say about my husband's ex-wife to her children.I also encourage my husband to do the same when she is brought up by their children(or g-children).We keep responses short but sweet,then guide the conversation in a different direction.We stay out of her business.We have no idea if she does the same, but we do.

    These patterns can go on forever,people.Some of these alienating parents do not change,emotionally mature,or suddenly realize it is harmful to children and stop.They are too self absorbed to think of that instead of their own twisted agenda.If your child is being alienated,please if you can, get your child to a counselor and get help to put a stop to it before it becomes a life long problem that crosses generations.And no matter how you feel about your child's parent..don't do it!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 04 April 2012 03:02 posted by Guest

    Children and Parents: I can only say that people we need to put our petty differences aside and stop playing games with our kids to make our ex up set. I have a child and i don't see him because the courts thought it would be better for him to be with his abusive father and ''why'' you ask?. ''Well'' it is simple he had a job, car, and a place which was are place until he kicked me out with a no contact restreaining order, which i might add that anyone can get. He made false statements about me so he would look like the better parent. This man got arrested for battery i did not press charges. Today's society is so messed up and what sucks is the root of all evil is coming from are own goverment. They are the one's that are messing all of us up, we no longer have any rights to our children it has become a ''rat'' race from ''hell'!. Now who ever has more money has the keys to custody and power and the other parent even if innocent is put in enternal hell. We need to bring back the old days let the mother take the kids in a break up and if the dude did not marry well then why should he get any rights at all. My son is in Nevada and my judge a woman she gave my ex custody it is all just a bunch of crap.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 03 April 2012 18:47 posted by Guest

    Oh yeah, about the tattooes: If she's really taking showers with your ex, then wouldn't that give them a chance to be washed away? Or is he just fondling your kid the whole time sans soap?? Think about it.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 03 April 2012 18:44 posted by Guest

    Whatever. Your main concern: Whatever. Your main concern is if they're talking poorly about you. We all have a need for positive feedback, and I think it's killing you to get "some dirt," since you obviously doubt yourself, and are prolly feeling lackluster about your own performance as a parent. Get over it. Stop needling your kid.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 03 April 2012 18:41 posted by Guest

    Sounds like you're lying.: Sounds like you're lying. Everything you "hoped" he would be.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 03 April 2012 10:28 posted by Guest

    Parental alienation: I am guilty of all of the above, it was not my intention. I do not know how else to be, for years I stood up for him no matter how many times he let her down, I never let her hate him, but I constantly get kicked in the teeth. I'm tired of covering up all his crap and being made to look lie the bad guy, so I just stopped. Then she started seeing him for who he really is & now she's damaged. I have failed as a mother

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 31 March 2012 17:22 posted by Guest

    also a child of divorce: I am also a child of divorce. In some ways Im lucky that my grandparents took me in after the divorce, as my grandma was convinced that BOTH of my parents were trash and said horrible things, like that my parents didn't love me, about them both. It taught me that people say terrible things about others when they're hurt, regardless of the damage it may cause. When I finally moved in with my mom, the divorce agreement had to be re-done and my parents both took off the gloves. They started saying the same things about each other that my grandma had said and I knew what it was and that most of it was baseless. If I learned anything from the experiance, it was how important it was to a child to be allowed to form their own opinions about their parents. No one is infallible and children should be protected from the bitterness of divorce. Please take this to heart.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 24 March 2012 17:35 posted by Guest

    Andrea, thank you for being: Andrea, thank you for being brave enough to comment in this column. It's good for all of us who are parents to hear your perspective. Sometimes we parents can't move beyond our own pain to realize what our children are experiencing. I'm sorry that you feel your Dad has abandoned you. I felt the same way when my parents divorced. I didn't see my Dad for several years...I didn't know where he was, if he was alright, even if he loved me anymore.
    Later, in my 20's, I found him. We talked and he told me he felt like such a failure that he believed my sister and I would be better off if he got out of our lives. I think some parents forget how very important they are to their children. All of us want to know that we're so important to our parents that they would never purposefully leave us or stop loving us.
    I was able to help my Dad see that he was important in my life, that his being in my life made me happy. It took me a long time to get over my hurt, but I did. I hope with all my heart that, in time, you find peace, forgiveness, love and reconciliation with your Dad, too.


  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 23 March 2012 14:31 posted by Guest

    Help response: I am going through the same thing with my 13 year old daughter. My Ex just got a divorce from his now second wife, he has never had her on his list of priorities. She fought Liver failure and never showed up to the hospital or even showed concerned. I lost my job, and all by getting her through this illness. We have also gone through a cancer scare with her, and a hearing loss with her, and her father never showed any support through any of it. But now that her health is under control, and she is a teen, so the rules are strong, I'm the bad parent now. with the laws saying she can choose who she wants to live with, now that she is 13, their is nothing I can legally do, and he lives in a 1 bedroom apt. Unfortunetly the courts don't care about anything. He has a history of alcohol abuse, and was even jailed for it., also abuse towards me, also a history of not protecting the children, as my oldest got into drugs and alcohol when she was omly 12 years old, and under his supervision. Anyhow, what I'm trying to say, is my now youngest child with all those health issues now lives with her father in this one bedroom apt. and there is nothing I can legally do about anything. So Good Luck!!!!!!!...If u find an answer please let me know.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 22 March 2012 21:24 posted by Guest

    Child behavior: Ever since my ex got primary of our daughter, her behavior has gotten real bad. she i s always hitting and kicking and very deffiant. i took her to a behavioral specialist, they diagnosed her with ADHD. i have been trying to get her to stop with her behavior but nothing is working. i don't know what to do about it. anyone have any advise on what i can do?

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 19 March 2012 23:56 posted by Guest

    Ignorance is Bliss: I just read a reply to you by someone who is very ignorant. Relationships are lead by perspective of the person. If I am on one side of the house and you are on the other, we both could argue about the view. It may be beautiful with sunny skies on my side but cloudy on yours. My point is, the facts of the situation are the same no matter how someone sees it. Children do not have all the facts when choosing between parents. They choose based upon which side looks better at the time. My son was led by my ex to vandalize my boyfriends property, view me as someone less than the mother that gave birth to him and never once looked back. My ex was mentally unstable and tried to kill himself in front of my son and perpetrated similar acts around my grandchildren.

    These episodes only happened when someone was around to see it and feel sorry for him. He had to be a victim and as long as he kept me isolated he somehow felt victorious like the manipulator he was our whole marriage.

    I want to let you know these things. Be happy as a person knowing you did everything you were supposed to do. I know you miss your child. I still miss mine. We have to let go. It's a process of grieving just like death. Your perspective has to be different in the future. Let go of your child, live life and be happy. If you had never had that child you would be living life without worry. Every day you worry, every day you miss joy. I struggle each day too, but I am learning that I deserve to be happy and I have to view life different, you do too.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 19 March 2012 13:33 posted by Guest

    diabetes?: Pass out from improperly managed diabetes? Was the marriage for you or for both? was there understanding about his illness? help sought? I am curious.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 19 March 2012 13:22 posted by Guest

    turn against: Hear, Hear! Thank you.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 19 March 2012 13:05 posted by Guest

    Karma: Karma is a bitch. For everyone.

    No one likes cheating omission is an act of betrayal. I have found it is not uncommon for lies and manipulations. Thank you, for writing that I have not been bias against either gender. I hear talk about equality, choices, decision, and seem that people make them the best they can. However, I am not admonishing the frustrations of everyone. It seems though an opinion is neither right or wrong unless you think it is.

    I am glad to learn on here about what I am going through. And figure out that it does not hurt to say I do not know.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 19 March 2012 12:52 posted by Guest

    Really.: No. I have not blamed the mother. Both are not in the right.
    In the best intrests true interest of the children, both should realize that the relationship was as much of a sucess than a failure.

    I am not going to argue with you. I learned that finger pointing leads to nowhere . If someone calls a person on their own stuff and they take offense then seriously emotionally how can the forest been seen through the trees?

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 19 March 2012 12:13 posted by Guest

    out of the blue: I am sorry to hear that. No, I do not believe he left out of the blue. I presume he thought about it and was tired of perhaps hearing negative comments or gossip or treatment about his other parent. I do not know how a parent who is learning will learn that sometimes not having a responsible attitude applies to themselves.

    Did the Dad really put Everyone else before his son? Or is that a misunderstanding? Perhaps it seems like your son thought Dad put him first?

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 18 March 2012 17:19 posted by Guest

    I am so glad to have read: I am so glad to have read this comment. I stumbled across this website as my ex IS upsetting my 3 year-old by telling him that me and my new partner are going to leave, that we are not his family and that he is a 'baddie' if he is on 'our team'.

    I listen to him tell me he is upset with his daddy for saying this and that he has told him to stop but that he will not; it all generated from him calling my new partner daddy - completely on his own accord as he lives with him, he does the school run with me as often as possible and plans a family day out every weekend for us. We still encourage him to be respectful and polite to his father and tell him that although he is young it is for him to make his own opinions of who falls within his family and that it is for him to decide to be a good person and not to lie or say hurtful remarks to people.

    I was so worried that eventually these comments would make him hat my partner and I and our soon to be extended family. It appears, so far, to be having the opposite effect and having read your post I feel a renewed hope that being the bigger person and sticking to my morals by not badmouthing his father, as he does to us, will work out fine!

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 17 March 2012 08:13 posted by Guest

    losing my child hurts my heart: I am going through the same thing. My husband and I are now separated and my 16 year old son who i was once his bestfriend up until alittle over 8 weeks ago has turned his back on me. it is so heart breaking, he wont call me, see me, text me and when he does text me he sounds exactly like how his father speaks to me. I just go day by day and it is very hard. I do get so depressed that I can't sleep or think clearly. My business has suffered from me being depressed. I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I don't even know who you are and have never done this before, reaching out to a total stranger. but after reading your statement i had to reach out. I hope everything gets better for you and your child. Everyone keeps telling me that time heals all wounds, it just seems as if the clock is ticking extremely slow. :( All I can say hang in there and hope to hear from you.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 16 March 2012 21:35 posted by Guest

    Help!: My daughter has lived with me for the last 13 years and after years of not wanting to go visit her father she now wants to up and go loive with him. He has never been one to put her high on his list of priorities and has recently gone through a divorce and I think my daughter feels that he might finally have time for her if she up roots her whole life and moves in with him. On top of things he has a history of alcohol abuse, domestice violence and cutting. I am going to do everything in my power to make sure she doesnt go there but I know she will hate me for it. Any advice?

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 10 March 2012 13:52 posted by Guest

    my son: I feel your pain and empathize with you. However during the traumatic expeiernces of divorce and hearing quite possibly how the other parent was a schmo did not sit really well with your son.
    It is his decision. I think his father maybe estatic to finally get to be with the child he made with you.
    Having your child on your own for 12 years is quite the time. Now is it not time for the other parent to give it a try?

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 10 March 2012 13:45 posted by Guest

    my 3 year old.: Why not try asking.
    The child and trying to believe that the other parent is doing they're best as well as yourself.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 08 March 2012 13:28 posted by Guest

    my 3 year old.: my 3 year old has recently been saying that she is taking showers with my ex's fiancee. She points at my chest and she thinks it is funny to try to touch. I am not sure if they are teaching her inappropriate things. She has had these child tattoos on her arms for the past 2 weeks so I am not sure if they are helping her wash herself or if she just wants to keep them on. She doesn't seem to care if they are there or not.

    My daughter has been throwing extreme fits and kicks at me as well as talks back and screams. I already know that they baby her over there. I am not sure if they talk badly about me to her I would like to think that they don't. my ex also sends me articles of parenting to me. I am guessing because he thinks that I am doing something wrong when in fact I am doing the best that I can. My ex has controlled my life even after we split up. I am happy and have a beautiful family but he seems to always have something hurtful and disrespectful and uses my daughter to try to bring me down. My daughter has a problem with eating things that I make her, she doesn't want to eat what I make her and she wants junk food instead so I am not sure if they are feeding her and spoiling her to what she chooses to eat. I am trying to get other opinions so that I can think that I am not crazy. I am worried about my daughters well being, growth as well as her development.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 01 March 2012 11:39 posted by Guest

    Pain : The Common Bond.: I appreciate the Time & devotion you expessed to your child and this forum. I am a father & our situation is a lot alike , except, I have a son. I feel your pain & strangely I find comfort & a deep sadness in the common bond. I appreciate the words of everyone... because THIS IS my & everyone else's therapy. Please everyone don't let the pain stop you! Carry your love high , like a torch because too carry it low, is to not celebrate the victory that is ours.....you know who you are.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 26 February 2012 15:02 posted by Guest

    this is true however..: Just as you are saying that based off of your own personal experience, you feel that this website is complete crap, take a second to think that maybe in someone else's situation is completely happening. I am a child of divorce, and now a step mother. My parents did do all these things to each other. So its a little unfair to call out an entire theory just because it did, in fact, not happen for you in your situation. It is real, and it happened to me.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 24 February 2012 07:32 posted by Guest

    Daughter who doesnt want to know me: First off i have to say i didnt have a child so i could walk away from her. My Hannah is 17 now she passed her driving test last week (we live in the UK) i was so proud as her dad could i go and hug hersay well done "spud" no because for the last 5 years i have only spoken to her twice the first time she had her exam results and i knew where she had a saturday job so took card and a gift round to her not knowing whether she would accept it or throw it at me. Well she chatted i was so happy phoned all my friends she was talking to me great stuff then following week twin brother dropped bombshell she asked me not to go see her OUCH hurt started again big time.

    What did i do to her well to be honest i dont know she got nearly everything she asked for and wanted without going overboard with it.

    Yes i walked out on my ex did i leave her abandoned without house home money no damn well didnt i walked away from a loveless marriage where as a truck driver i worked away so we could have a nice living. Weekends were fantastic with my girl i still love her as much today as i did the day she was born and will always do.

    My ex moved the plumber who put our bathroom in 18 months before i left within a week NO i wasnt bothered i didnt know to start with so few months had passed i was paying all the bills and had no money for me but i didnt abandon them yes i was in a new relationship with a lovely woman i am now married to and god it was hard for her as she had to keep me calm and take all the crap from allways .

    My last decent words from ex were "lets make this as amicable as possible" as in you give me all your money and illl run your debts up. Now money isnt everything but when you have £27000 debt from her you realise that yes it is letters from people demanding money etc courts she wanted half mortgage payin as well as money from child support yes i did have my child but cant see how skinning me alive helped her.

    Looking back this must have been how it all started ie look Hannah your dad does this does that etc i didnt ever once badmouth the ex in front of Hannah but boy did i cop it in the street and phone calls from her slags of friends especially 4 of them who im happy to say there husbands saw the light and there all divorced and saved so much money when they asked me what was best thing to do when it turns shitty.

    I love my girl she doesnt even acknowledge me at all what broke the camels back was me cooking dinner (no didnt burn it ) as a matter of fact it was a success what she asked for she got then procceded to hang her head in her dinner refusing to eat it my parnter went away i said to her eat it you asked for it but no brought it into me as i did dishes said didnt want it (i then swore at her) i know i shouldnt have done it told her to go upstairs and not to come down until her attitude changes. I had notuced the few months before this avent that i made comment to friends that she was turning more like her mum all the time as in attitude etc.

    Ten minutes llater knock at the door ex is there with big ears baldy plumber man and daughter has bag packed smiling at top of the stairs ex smirking thinking yes its worked yep it did when she went i collapsed on kitchen floor in pieces that girl broke my heart that day and many days after.

    What did i do wrong my ex never worked i supported provided averything tried my best at evrything but i just think ex wanted to be a Lady but there was no vacancies worked 7 days a week we never wanted for anything.

    She married plumber and good luck to him he cant work as one now so whats going to happen when he cant provide like when i got injured at work 20 weeks in total off work left arm and leg in plaster and being a trucker obviously couldnt work got into bath same night said can you help me wash what did she say I excuse my language now so sorry her comment was """""OH FOR F@@@ SAKE"""" I looked up said what!!!! oh i dint mean it like that oh so just how did she mean it.

    Well people there is a lot more to this and yes i take the b lame for many things but one thing i wasnt was i was not a bad DAD my daughter loved me and i was her hero so where did it go wrong well i always say YOU CANT CHOP A TREE DOWN WITH ONE HIT BUT YOU KEEP HACKING AWAY AND IT WILL FALL .

    thanks for reading


    Hannahs dad

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 20 February 2012 16:10 posted by Guest

    Andrea,
    I understand your: Andrea,
    I understand your resentment towards your father for what he has done. The feeling of abandonment from someone you truly looked up to in life. However, as a parent myself, I ask that you pray at night and ask for God to give you guidance in a situation such as this. Don't come to a conclusion based on your perspective of things only. And while there is no excuse for having cheated or put a child through a divorce, the truth is that parents will always love their children unconditionally. And nothing hurts more than wanting to discuss the situation but not being able too. Nothing hurts more than loving your child more than anything in this world and that child not wanting to have anything to do with you. I know how you feel because as a child, I went through the same thing when my parents divorced. I resented my father for leaving me and my two sisters alone with my mother. And while I tried feverishly to reach out to him during this time, he blatantly shut the door on me.
    I promised myself that I would never put my child through anything like this and after 15 yrs or marriage and my daughter being 12 yrs old. I did just the opposite. I was unable to reestablish a relationship with my then wife. We had grown apart and I was no longer in love with her. We had our share of problems early on during my daughters childhood and our being together was just the cause of me not wanting to abandon my daughter. As with you, she too was daddy's little girl. We thought alike, we did everything alike.
    After 3 yrs of being divorced now, my daughter hates me so much that she will not talk to me. I still send her gifts through the mail at Christmas, Valentines, her bday, etc., but still do not get a simple thank you. I write her letters but hesitate to send them to her. Rather, I keep them in a box and only pretend that she is listening to me.
    The point I am trying to make is that no matter who your father may bring into his life, no matter what things look like on the outside, the truth is that he still does and always will love you. Whether you believe this or not, I can assure you that he is always thinking about you and waiting for the moment to hear your voice once again. He is praying for the day that he can hear you call him daddy once again. And believe me...when/if you decide to make contact with him, he will not bring up all of the bad feelings you demonstrated to him.
    Trust me on this one as I am exactly in that predictament as I type this to you. My eyes are filled with tears because I am in the exact situation right now. Yet I pray for someone in my very situation to have better chances at reestablishing a relationship with their daughter the way I wish I could with mine.
    Give things a chance; after all...our time together is limited. Love your father like you loved him before.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 18 February 2012 21:08 posted by Guest

    Divorce : Im sorry you feel that way of your father, im sure he loves you dearly and has had numerous sleepless nights. Sometimes people choose to let go until some of the friction can be settled. I have a son who refuses to acknowledge me, i was a good mother, and i never discuss any divorce issues, or his father, but hear the words his father has said to me in our relationship come right out of my sons mouth. There are thoughts by children on who to side with and you can't say you weren't torn by either parent. The problem is the parents cannot act as adults as if they were still married and leave the children out of the picture and let them enjoy both parents. When adults speak of the divorce thru their children thats when things go wrong. I hope some day you can forgive your father and learn to love him for your own sake of knowing how to love unconditionally as well as real love for your future companion. Parents love their kids more than anything and that will never change ever no matter what the circumstance.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 17 February 2012 05:11 posted by Guest

    bite your tongue: been divorced 14 yrs. remarried 12 yrs now. still the ex wife is in my life and in my face. I told my current wife that if i had to do it all over again i would just bite my tongue and smile and in 40 or 50 yrs i would be dead and find her, my current wife, in heaven.
    i could not stay in my marriage the ex turned out to be a pig.
    i could not get romantic with her and her personal hygiene was awful
    she also packed on so much weight she looked like a 50 gallon drum waddling around the house
    but divorce is so much trouble. so many get hurt. the kids never seem to over come it
    i would just smile, and say yes dear, bite my tongue, we would have to live like room mates and soon i would be dead and then set free. the kids would be happy and finally the ex would be out of my life.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 14 February 2012 14:21 posted by Guest

    Amen! Even though our: Amen! Even though our situations are different, I know about the quick change in behavior and standing your ground. My two girls are 13 and 11 and when I first noticed the problem, attitude, disrespect all began to roll and it continued for months. I made many efforts spoke with a paster who I still met with, professional counseler in which the mom and two girls do not want to go and the excuse is they are fine. I totally agree with you, I said my peace and did everything that I could do, its not longer up to me to be a father. I hold out hope that one day and WHEN that day occurs I will be ready and we will work to fix the problem. Yes I do believe that one day it will come. I feel sad for my two girls that they do not feel an importance of a father in their life and how their mother feels a Christian man will be better. I hope so, if not, I have told them my door is open and its not but 3 minutes away. One day they will see through the words and they will have to put blame where blame lies. With my two girls, they will remember several things I had done over the years, the good and maybe the bad, but they will have to remember I did try and I was there and still am. No child should have to choose between parents. Keep your head up, your one day will come, I am very certain of that.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 14 February 2012 14:11 posted by Guest

    Andrea you made a lot of: Andrea you made a lot of sense and as a father I am sorry he did this to you. When I divorced I wanted to be civil and sure at times it got a little ugly, remember its natural when two people split. I am not taking your dads side, he was wrong, we are humans and do make mistakes. He moved far away and did bring a lot of this on himself. In my situation, I admit I made my own mistakes, made comments here and there out of frustration, etc. Yes there is parential alienation out there, I am in the midst of it. I have asked for forgiveness and tried to change, but its not working. I have spoken with the mom on many occasions to work together, doesnt mean we have to agree, but there must be an effort. In any divorce there is some alienation going to occur, its human nature because any form of breakup let alone a marriage there is going to be high emotions. After those emotions are dealt with and contained, some damage may have occured, but a time of healing is present and both sides give respect to the other parent for being a parent. This is a must to ensure a child is growing up happy. Does it happen, yes my own brother is a living example of this. It wasnt easy and it wasnt all roses for a few years, but when the dust settles healing begins and relationships can continue, BUT that takes cooperation from BOTH parents and respect to both. From your persective Andrea, your dad did not do his part in this and he has had enough time to do this and you should feel this anger. The key words it takes effort, more effort than when they were married to make it work for your best benefit. I am sad that your father abandoned you and did this to you, you did not deserve such treatment to call him a father, I pray that you are able to deal with this betrayment he caused you and that you are able to be a strong independent woman and your father does not hold you back in life. Thinking of my own daughters, 13 and 11 I write this thinking of them in my entire different situation. I pray one day they have a independent mind and see things for what they truely are. I have told them, I am not perfect nor was I, but I can safely say I loved them, cared for them and was a dad to them. I pray that if they ever needed a safe place or to reconnect, my door is always open, and I am only 3 minutes from them for that. I do still see them at school functions, but there is no relationship and yes this all came about quickly, very quickly. I hold hope that one day they will be like you and put it all in perspective.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 13 February 2012 23:21 posted by Guest

    am so sorry to hear: am so sorry to hear this...and am also going through the same...pray and ask God...I am too until I get an answer

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 13 February 2012 15:30 posted by Guest

    In the same boat: My ex is exactly the same. He is a controller/mind gamer/manipulator as well. My daughter lives with h im out of state. He took her when she was 4 years old. I had no job, no car and no $$ at the time and when he left he said, 'I'm taking our daughter and if you ever try to take her away from me, you'll be sorry." Well being mentally abused and having major depressive disorder; I allowed him to take her. I didnt get to see her until court ordered visitation when she was 9 yrs old. When I finally got to see her on a regular basis, it was like our mother-daughter bond had never been broken. Then, when she turned 13, she totally changed. She decided she didnt want to come visit when it came time and always had excuses like "I have other plans, or I want to spend time with my friends ect..."i gave her the benefit of the doubt and thought of it as her experiencing the changes teens go through at her age. But last summer when I suggested that she sounded like she was letting her dad influence her,she exploded and yelled at me saying it had nothing to do with him. I havent seen my daughter in almost a year, and she is 14 now. However, up until now she has kept contact with me via online and cell phone (which I pay for every month cuz her father claims he cant afford it).

    I had gotten her a kitten when she was 10 years old; and a couple months a go the cat(now 3yrs old) got sick and I either had to put her down or give her to someone who had the money to spend on medical care. So I gave the cat away, and when I told my daughter what I did, she got very angry at me for not "consulting her first." She began to sound like her father by saying things like "Now I'll never get to see her again as long as I live because you gave my cat away." My daughter hasnt spoke to me since,a month now; my calls and messages go unanswered. I am heartbroken. I thought I was alone but after reading all these posts, at least I know there are others out there too. I have no idea what to do next.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 13 February 2012 10:31 posted by Guest

    same thing happening to me: I am going through the same situation right now. I have physical custody of my children and am still going through a divorce for 2 yrs now from a monster. He is constantly destroying my relationship with my children. My 12 year old hates me now and constantly states that she wants to live with him. He has now filed for a change in custody for all 3 kids. My 12 yr old doesnt even seem to notice what he is doing or remember all of his abusive ways which is why we moved out in the first place! I dont know what to do and Im scared that the law guardian and the courts will just listen to kids that have been brainwashed and manipulated. Has anything been working out for you?

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 05 February 2012 22:26 posted by Guest

    I'm sure it's because he can: I'm sure it's because he can have his way there...They will make it as easy as possible...I've been thru this if you ever want to talk ...I feel so bad for you...OMG...You sound just like me when this was first happeniung to me...and it usually starts when they are becoming teens...grass always looks greener on the other side...good luck...i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers..stay strong..

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 05 February 2012 22:11 posted by Guest

    im going thru the same: im going thru the same thing..My x has pulled every alienation stunt possible..When my daughter was 12 she really started acting up, in school, outside of school...wouldnt come home, running away, being disrespectful...I'm not a door mat and will not be treated with abuse by she, and her father...Talk about parrot behavior..im not putting up with it...I was devestated three and a half years ago, she and I had a great relationship always prior to this, then she wanted everything her way, calling me filthy names and talking disrepectful...if she wants to act this way then so be it...I was always good to this child, and im going to give the same respect i get...If she wants to act like her father, she can have atit...She's not going to tear up my car kicking it,...and running up my cellphone biill...I was an excellent mother, and always good to her...she had love, the best of everything, and this is what i get for being good to her...well she knows, and i know what i was...she will be an adult in nine months...just like one lady said...she and her father will get theirs...karma is a bitch...I've been thru hell for being a good mother, and ijust cant take anymore...I wont beat myself up anymore...I never dreamed this would happen, but it did...I'm glad I only had one child with this xhusband monster...Omg, I can only imagine u poor ppl out there with 2,3 or more...I was devestated enough...She doesnt talk that much too me...Oh well, I did the best I could...The best advice i can give, is to forgive yourselves...remember where the toxic lies are coming from...and pray that someday these kids will see it all for what it really is...PAS I will say a prayer for all on here going thru this...I've been fighting a very serious medical issues....I really think stress brought alot of it on..I love my daughter with all my heart...but she's acting just like him...im not a doormat...beleive me ...if you let these kids treat you without respect...im not walking on eggshells anymore...ive had it...she's old enough to know better...i just hope someday she wakes up...the whole situation is pretty easy to read...I'm so glad like i said, i only had one child with this monster..and he is a monster, beating me when i was pregnant, and treating me like adog...all i can say is that i hope she wakes up, and gets out of that situation...I love her, but pray for her and him everyday....Hang in there people...were only human, and can only take so much...Just do the best you can, and know you did your best...good luck to all!

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 05 February 2012 14:16 posted by Guest

    my son has out of the blue left me to live with his father : I dont know were to begin .. I have had my son for his 11 of 12 years on my own .. and lately being in school full time and working part time and running around with my sons baseball practices and games.. my fuse has been short from over exhaustion ... but this past monday my son threw me a curve ball from I dont want to be at my dads.. and come pick me up from here I hate it here .... to MOM I WANT TO LIVE WITH MY DAD FULL TIME.... yes we had an argument in the morning but I nor anyone ever thought he would want to live with his dad ... he always put everyone else before my son .. and it totally has blown my mind... I was so shocked that I agreed as I cried thinking he won't last but as the days go buy the ex's wife makes sure to let me know how happy my son is and that he is doing so great .. I dont know what else to do but to reach out in the ciber world for help with this situation ... I am afraid of loosing my son and that is the last thing in the world I want to do...

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 31 January 2012 22:23 posted by Guest

    My name is Andrea. I'm: My name is Andrea. I'm seventeen years old and my parents got divorced about four years ago. Throughout those four years i have been caught in the middle of too many fights with money, custody, hours spent with what parent, and so on and so forth. I have been emotionally, mentally, and physically damaged in every way shape and form known to me. Four years since the divorce, i finally start to believe I'm finally getting my head back on my shoulders and moving forward from that horrible event in my life. Then here i am sitting on Facebook and i come across this link my father decided to like. I read the title and am intrigued to why he would think this website applies to him. After reading the points the writers have made and the comments people have so kindly made, the only thing I have left to say is this website and all of these ideas in complete bullshit. Being the child caught in a divorce, I feel as though I am one to be obligated to comment on this, unlike most of the above people who themselves were involved in the split. Those two are very different perspectives on the situation. As the child I can reassure that my mother had no input on how i feel about my father. What my father has failed to recognize is that HE left US. He was my hero, my role model, and i was his little girl. Despite all of that, he had an affair for several years and not only cheated on my mother but put her through complete hell during the divorce process. I have always been an independent thinker, so no matter what my mother had to say about my father, I would still think what i wanted to about my dad. What he put me through personally, such as trash talking my mother and putting me personally through court for custody battles, which i had absolutely no say in, i have learned to feel absolutely no sympathy for him. Not because of what my mother has said about him, but because my heart broke when he abandoned me and I wasn't going to ever love him the same way. After he left my home, he moved across the country to California where he'd hang up the phone on me to talk to his mistress/girlfriend. This website is ridiculous. Maybe in some cases, one parent feels anger towards the other parent and shows it through his or her child to influence their feelings, but this website suggests that all parents who feel their children no longer love them after a divorce is because of the other parent. I have my very own experiences to prove that theory wrong. I am extremely disappointed in my father for liking this on Facebook for me to see because that is simply just another one of his attempts to try to make me feel sorry for him. I'm sorry dad, you have out me through way too many tears for me to ever love you again. I can never be Daddy's little girl again because my daddy has a new daughter that he can coach her softball team instead of mine. Anyone who has taken the time to read my point of view, i appreciate the time and I do apologize if i have offended any person in any way shape or form. As i said before, I am an independent person and along with that, I feel the need to voice my opinion on subjects i feel strongly about. This website should be re-worded for the convenience of the children who have experienced a parents divorce because it truly does offend me and how society would blame my mother for my own feelings against my father.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 30 January 2012 21:34 posted by Guest

    Is this cult worship: Need some solid advice! I am a father who wants to be involved in my childrens lives (13 and 11 daughters). Been divorced for almost a year separated almost 2 years now. Obviously the children struggled coming to my house and sometimes had to force them from the car. Things got better, but my oldest began not speaking to me when I ask what is wrong. Things got better with me and the kids, met someone, got married. The marriage has never been an issue and has been helpful actually according to my ex and her parents. My ex began dating and told me she was seeing someone. Her parents strongly disagreed because he was not divorced yet (they are active in their lives). My ex began offering me my new spouse additianal parental times and things were running smooth. Then comes end of November and I seen changes in my ex. She was short, her tone with me was clear and soon followed with attitude. I asked some questions regarding medical information and she let me have it in and email. I had enough of her control and bs and gave it right back. I was precise and to the point. Then followed attitude with my children with me, they went to Florida and never heard a word from them when I even tried. They came home and continued with the attitude with me as well as thier mom giving me the same attitude. She began to have her dad come pick them up for school ignoring me like she does on a lot of things such as school, information, etc. I spoke my peace to my children and they are gone. My ex (on the advise of her new bf that is serious) came and talked to my ex. My ex didnt want to hear the truth when I spoke it and the entire conversation went pointless. My problem is a 12 year problem with my oldest, what I was told and I needed to fix it (mind you 10 of those years we were married). So I talk to my ex mother in law for advise and help who is very close to my oldest. I find out that my oldest has made comments that she hates me and that I am not her real father (2 years prior to my separation which I just learned this was said). I also hear that she basically wants to disown me and be fathered by the new bf. I am disturbed that she was not put in her place for saying these things. My ex mother in law said its her feelings and it was my fault I left, yet these feelings were happening 2 years prior. I was pointed out how wrong I was. I asked what will happen to my 13 year old..immediately answered with bf is a wonderful man. I stopped with that seeing where this was heading. I asked where is my 13 year old heading making these choices, was told she will be fine. As she left, I was told to hang in there that maybe one day they will come back to you. (as a side note, my ex and her relationship with her parents was a big problem in the marriage, too involved). According to my ex mother in law, the children loved the vacations and time spent, now they dont want contact and dont love me. Another reason given was because way back then working 3rd shift the children had to come in and wake me up when they got off the bus, and when I came back as if that was an excuse, Phil (ex father in law) never did that. When I questioned that every parent is different and deserves that respect, it was clear that is not the case when it comes to that family. I have no authority with my children and I seriously feel that Im out of their personal life. I see the changes happening, am I wrong that this is nuts to allow these children to believe these things. I learned that its their way and thats it, do it as they are. I almost feel as if this is a cult and my ex father in law is the leader. (he is the leader of the family I couldnt deal with no more). Help, I am out of rope I believe. My only option from my mind is to keep in touch and hope for the best that maybe one day. Advise please

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 21 January 2012 22:35 posted by Guest

    I feel your pain. I have two: I feel your pain. I have two daughters, almost 16 and 14. They are so disrespectful and nastey towards me. My ex and I haven't been together since Oct. 2008, divorced May 2010. My ex and I have 50/50 custody. I started dating a man that my ex knew (as well as I). My ex has filled our childrens heads with so much lies. It hurts me everyday I have them beacause when I have had my boyfriend over, they treat him horrible. They have cursed him and accused him of breaking me and their father up. They won't give him a chance. They listen to everything their father tells them and won't let me defend myself. So, now my boyfriend has asked me to marry him. I hate the fact that I only get to see him everyother week because he refuses to come around when I have them. I can't say I blame him. I don't know what to do. My kids have just packed their bags and said they are moving out to their fathers and that they want nothing to do with me (because I am choosing him over them). Not to mention, it is ok for dad to bring every girlfriend around our daughters within the first week of dating them and sleep with them with our daughters rooms right down the hall. I cry everyday my kids are with me. I feel like their father puts all these lies in our kids heads so when they do come to stay with me, they give me hell and this is his way of getting at me. I can't live my life, but its ok for dad to. My ex is so sick, he even dated my now fiance's ex wife just to get at us. Please, HELP I feel like I'm loosing my world. Just thinking about them moving to their fathers tears me apart. :-(

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 21 January 2012 13:04 posted by Guest

    HELP: I feel your pain. My husband and I know all to well going on 9 years the pain and suffering of PAS. My advise is educate yourself. This will not only help you cope with this horrible abuse inflicted upon the child/step-child and the target parent and step-parent but will help you find proactive and positive outlits to channel your emotions. There is some good information on the internet re: PAS and one site PAS awareness where you can share your story that will be shared with others and help get the word out about this horrible crime of abuse. If we all band together and use our painful experiences to take steps in bring awareness we can and will make a difference and that will help in our continued need for healing.
    A vilified and scapegoated step-mom

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 January 2012 15:00 posted by Guest

    Surprise of Suprise Can't believe my Son Called??: I had just about given up any hope of hearing anything from either my Daughter or Son?
    Maybe there is Hope!!
    I sent another of many Txt Messages off during the Holiday's Never talking to him on the phone in over a year and a half.. He Calls out of the Blue.. As always, I'm in a spot that I can't hear a dang thing and had people in my car..I was totally caught off guard.. We talked a bit when I could hear over the noise of the car.. I asked if I could call again back to him when I was at home. Sure! He said.. So He just txt'd again so Hopefully I can talk to him again tonight.. I have to say there is a God! It just made my day.. Maybe this is the start of more talks.. Others reading this, I hope that this may give you Some Hope! No mater if your the Mother being cut out of their lives or Father. One day I pray that you too get your call..your still their parent.

    Funny thing everything is Brighter!

    Thank You for your note to my Situation also..

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 12 January 2012 14:21 posted by Guest

    Not Alone: I am so very sorry to hear that you have been dealing with this for longer than my partner has. It is hard to take comfort in that fact knowing that there are more people out there going through it, it is hard to know that there are more people like his ex-wife out there! But it is comforting to know that there is support. I can only hope that one day there is support that can fight these people to ensure that family connections remain in place during divorce, no matter what either parents opinion is.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 11 January 2012 20:29 posted by Guest

    I'm having the same problem. : I'm having the same problem. My ex will call my house only to scream at me or to scream at our grown daughter ABOUT me. He calls me a "whore" and worse to her and claims all kinds of ridiculous things about me. Once when she tried to defend me, he actually told her that he doesn't believe a word she says because my "whole family lies" and she "shares blood" with me. As though I have some kind of weird lying gene on my side of the family. She hates talking to him and invariably ends up in tears. She keeps trying though for the sake of her little brother. My ex will generally not ask to speak to him and on the rare occasions (like once every 3 months or so) that he does he talks to him for only a few minutes. Meanwhile, he claims to everyone he meets that I "stole" his children from him. He conveniently forgets about the abuse he heaped on our grown girls (he never laid a finger on our son) and when he's reminded of it, he justifies it by saying things like, "Well, I wouldn't have had to punch you if you just did your chores faster." He cries to everyone that I've taken his son away from him and have moved across the state just to "punish" him for "imagined crimes". He claims to everyone that I'm filling my children's heads full of lies and hatred of him but I've done no such thing. Even with all he's done to the girls and to me I STILL haven't tried to make our kids hate him but he refuses to believe that. He's even gone so far as to threaten my fiance if he dares to act fatherly to our son. It's crazy. HE doesn't want to be a dad to our boy, but no one else is allowed to either. He claims he has no money to visit the kids or be visited (unless I send the kids with a huge wad of food money) and yet he's more than wiling to spend a bunch of cash on alcohol. Do I point this out to my kids? No. I wouldn't want to hurt the kids that way. If they don't like him it's entirely his own fault. But how can I prove that???

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 10 January 2012 23:37 posted by Guest

    I am so sorry to hear that. I: I am so sorry to hear that. I am a woman and am primary custodian so I have my kids most of the time. My ex still pulls off what you are describing. It's mind blowing really. My kids say things and generally act like they don't want to be around me. They act like I am worthless. I hold them accountable, treat and care for them well...I just can't seem to fight the destruction on our relationship that the ex inflicts......and I LIVE with them and am their mother! It happens to women and men. It is so sad. I feel like giving up fighting for their love.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 29 December 2011 09:09 posted by Guest

    Wow! This sounded bad at: Wow! This sounded bad at first for you, and then towards the end sounded as though it was for the best of the child. Teen agers are the most difficult of times, and they say or do the worst things a person can do. You show true love to a child by not rejecting their emotions. Allowing them to feel these feelings, but reitterate that you love them regardless, and are here for them no matter what. You can not show a child an "eye for an eye". I know you hurt for the behavior she is displaying, but you are giving her the impression that you don't love her by rejecting her. I am so sad for the way you have displayed your hurt. You are putting the blame for her behavior on the wrong person. You are harming her by the way you are acting. I feel that you are wrong, and are causing more harm then good by your reactions to her hurt and confusion. I would know, because I was very confused as a teen, and acted out in every way towards my parents. I was made to believe that my father was a piece of crap, and just wanted me out of the picture. The more my dad rejected me or my feelings, the more I believed what was being told to me. Being a parent is not easy, and not always fun. It hurts beyond belief at times. I would know, I am a mother of 5. One child a step child who I began raising at the age of 5. My youngest boy goes back and forth between my ex and I to make the other one seem as though we are mistreating him every visitation. He tells many lies, or makes the stories more then they are to seem that he is a victim. He tells me he hates me and wants to live with his father when he doesn't get his way. He even acts out towards his other siblings at times. This is probably no where near the things you have had to go through with your child, but all I am trying to say is these behaviors are telling us that they are frustrated, or confused and need to be reminded of your love and commitment to them. Your daughter will rebel, until you meet her need for love. Until you convince her you are not going any where. She will reject you, but you are sealing your fate when you reject her. We are the adults and need to behave like one. We are not allowed to behave as a child, and react in anger to their behavior. Children will always run from us, and rebel, then come back when they need us. That is their way of experiencing life on their own terms. I understand your pain, but feel sorry for your daughter. You need to face your pain, and stop acting as though it doesn't bother you. You will face what you are doing one day to your daughter to the one above who created us, as we all will. It is better to make amends with it all now, then wait until it can't be undone. I am so sorry you have had to go through such a hard time with your daughter. When she is grown, and can get out of the box, she will figure out what is real or not real. Just remember not to prove her right though. Go back and make it right, be the bigger person. I will be praying for you on my end! I too have some things to correct in my parenting also. We are all human, but it takes a real person to face their wrongs and make them right. God bless, and Happy new year!

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 23 December 2011 17:37 posted by Guest

    No Fight Left!: I understand this is a women's support group. But, I have to say as your partner has been fighting for the right to see his children for 8 years.. I have been in the same boat as your husband and still into it, all these many years since 96. Here, it is almost Christmas and I have the same feelings as your partner. I'm just done. Physically and Mentally, Financially.. she still accepts the CS with no problem.
    My 2 kids now 17 girl and 21 boy, They were 2 & 6 at the time of our Divorce. I haven't seen them close to two years and never talk to them on the phone since the Ex will give me another story why their not home etc. I call their Cell Phone or Txt they never pick up! The Ex checks the cell bills for #'s that called.

    My Ex remarried quickly and moved 4 hrs away and this guy has taken up the New Daddy and the Ex wants to keep it that way.. My daughter is calling him Dad now and the last time I have seen of my daughter she didn't want me around her friends because in her words I'm a REDNECK and TALK LIKE ONE..
    I have to say, I Graduated from college with a BS in History/ Pol. Science.. I never laid a hand on my Ex. I had a Job,I wasn't a drug person or some type of drinker.

    I Divorced, after I found my Ex cheating for the 2nd time. I have no family at all the only person in my life is my soon to be wife and if she wasn't here I just don't know what I might do? Holidays are extremely difficult..

    It looks as if you are a caring person. These times are hard on everyone except the one causing all the heartbreak for your partner and myself. If your partner is Moody it's just because "What's left to say about a issue like this?". He is dealing with the pain 24 and seven..
    Thank you for being understanding of his situation. It's going to get even harder once the kids get older.. They have been programed against him totally when the kids are under this type of environment..
    It's Very Heartbreaking for your partner and myself.. People can be so selfish. It's about them not the kids or their Dad's or Mothers going through this.
    Just can't believe after 15 years this is still going on?? Merry Christmas! Tell your Partner he is not alone..

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 22 December 2011 23:24 posted by Guest

    I can relate to you. My ex: I can relate to you. My ex was abusive and controlling and threatened to take the kids if I ever left him. I stayed for 7 more years and there were six kids involved. I finally took the kids and left to a safe place and filed for divorce. My ex begged me to get back with him and to work it out but was bashing me in front of the kids so I booted him out. I later found out that he had actually devised a plan to set me up. He cause a fight and got it on video and played Mr. Victim and had alienated the children and got them to falsely scream abuse so that he could get out of child support, get them into another state and further turn them against me. I am allowed phone visits but they don't seem to want to talk. I am not going to fight for them anymore. I have no more money and he is just using them as pawns in his game...he is hurting those kids more than he knows and when they are grown up and realize they got cheated out of a mother I know they will hate him. The sad part is that I loved those kids and tried so hard to protect them from the abuse. There is nothing more I can do. I love them but it seems so pointless to keep trying or to keep calling. PAS and parentification is an awful thing and yes, I am dealing with a narcissist. Narcissistic people are like dealing with someone who had their brains blown out. They have no heart and they do not care. They stop at nothing to get what they want. They do not care who they destroy. I just cannot keep fighting for the children. It is a losing game. You do not sound like a parent that doesn't care. I know that you care very much. Sometimes in life there is just nothing more that you can do and not only that, the alienating parent will see to it that they further the alienation. You just realize one day how sad it all is and you know that no matter what you do it will not matter. It is like trying to shovel snow off of the sidewalk during a blizzard. All you can really do is pray for them and also pray that God will heal your broken heart and help you to go on. You feel dead inside and it feels like you could go on a lot easier if your kids were really dead and not victims of Parental Alienation Syndrome. I know it hurts and the ex will only continue to hurt you by using the kids. The damage that is ebing done to those kids is unreal. Pray God will help you to go on. It hurts so badly inside my heart. There is a raw and burning ache that never goes away and sadly my kids have only been gone for a year and one half. What a sad world this is. What is wrong with parents who do this to kids? The system is so messed up and actually helps the abusers. I know your pain and will pray for you. I have come to the realization that I may never see my kids again and that they will grow up thinking mommy doesn't love them and will probably hate me. That awful man stole my kids. He abused me day in day out and then took my kids and turned the table making himself look like he was a victim. God sees is all though and I promise you that God will keep His Word. The sinful abusive ex will pay for what they have done and God says, "Vengeance is Mine," sayeth the Lord, "and I will repay." I am leaving this up to God. God does not make bad things happen but He knows that all things happen for a reason and even though it seems awful now...in the end something good will come out of this. I believe it, but it hurts so badly now. Hang in there! You are not alone. My ex does not love God and I do. He played the same game...acting like he is a Christian around others but at home it is a different story. I am so glad God is watching everything and will someday set the record straight. I just have to trust Him. I wish I could give you a hug because I know your pain. You are a strong woman and must go on for the other people in your life. Please remember that God loves you!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 21 December 2011 11:47 posted by Guest

    Advice: My partner is currently going through this. In a nutshell (because I could fill a novel with everything that has happened), they divorced 8 years ago when their son was 1 (they were only married for one year as well). She refused all efforts for reconciliation at that time and they have basically been in court ever since, she always trying to ensure that my partner has very little opportunity for a meaninful relationship with his son. Last year him and I decided to move forward with our relationship and move in together. We sat and discussed everything with his son and he was very excited and then we sent him home to his mother where she filled his head with nonsense about how "daddy is leaving them" "now we will never be a family" etc. Since then, we have received horrible emails and letters from the child (in many cases quite clear his mother dictated the letters), he became a danger to himself and had to receive therapy. The mother told everyone that she was trying to encourage a relationship between the boy and his father yet refused to allow them to talk, encouraged the child to cancel visitation and much more. The therapist, several sessions, could not get anywhere with the child because after he would leave therapy, the mother would just undo any good that was done. She encouraged the child to be defiant to his dad and the last time we saw him, she had called the police on us because dad gave the son (and his cousin) a 10 minute time out for not listening. We then found out that she had gone so far as to convince the child that daddy was hitting him (because she claimed that my partner had hit her when they were married). This of course was ALL a lie and the police were able to conclude this. We have now not seen him for 7 months and my partner is at a point where he just wants to move on with his life. He is done with court and spending hundreds of thousands of dollars fighting her, therapy didn't help, Family and Children's Services told us they could do nothing, and most of all, he can't take the pain, he has fallen into a depression and is trying very hard to live his life and not just cope.

    Several people have noted to me that he should go to his lawyer and have his visits reinstated and request supervision for the visits (maybe even reduce time to a few hours a day) to ensure that the child does not feel like daddy abandoned him.

    I definitelty think that we should do something to avoid the child thinking he is abandoned but the mother will undo everything anyways and I worry for the emotional well being of my partner who after fighting her for 9 years has no more fight left!

    What on earth do we do?

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 19 December 2011 09:25 posted by Guest

    Ive been alienated as well: I have three kids: an 18 year old boy, a 16 year fully disabled boy, and a 13 year old girl ( with some disabilities). I left my ex in 2001. In 2010, I had to get a PFA on him for sexual stalking. He stalked me all of those years, but told me if I told, I wouldn't get the small amount of visitation that I did.
    In 2010, I became single for the first time since I left him and took the kids with me. All the sudden, he started trying to hang around. I reminded him I had a PFA on him and to stop it or I would call the police. He targeted my daughter telling her all sorts of lies about me. He actually TRIED to target my 18 year old first, but he didnt fall for the lies at ALL. My ex actually told him " I wasn't around for ten years because I can't stand your mom!" My son almost hit him. Immediately after that, he ran straight to our little girl. He told her the same things and she fell for it. He became daddy of the year after not even calling these kids for CHRISTMAS or birthdays or ANYTHING. Of course he couldnt target the 16 year old, he's disabled. In september of this year, I had brain surgery. The surgeon messed up and caused me a stroke and quite a bit of other problems. My 18 year old son was there for me. My 13 year old daughter just said "what are we doing this weekend". Daddy involved himself in taking her to church and manipulating her. Heck, he even got SAVED- imagine that. Unfortunately for him, daughter is manipulating him back- she only went to church that much for a little boy, Andrew. You know just right before he walked back into her life, she had written a poem about her Father and it WASN'T NICE. She had also written one about me and it was lovely.
    Just a few days ago, after mediation and a recommendation to the court, I lost custody of our daughter. I was given custody of my disabled son though ( what the heck... but he didnt FILE for him, he only filed for my daughter, telling our daughter that Richy doesn't like it at his house so he would be better off with me). My daughter laughed at me for losing custody, publicly laughed on facebook, and will not speak with me.
    Consider me different and unusual, but I am not going to fight for my one and only daughter. I am not going to hurt over this. I am not going to put up with the rude comments from her. I deleted her off my phone, email and facebook and made my life pretty much private. I want nothing to do with her. Why does that make me sound like such a cruel parent? Sometimes, I have mixed emotions.
    Look, she knew to some extent what the real truth was and was blinded by someone TELLING her it was different and that she must have lived with me for ten years in some huge dream. She still knows what she is doing. If you read about parental alienation in depth, it says that usually the child is AWARE it is happening. That didn't make my decision though. What did is me. Him, grandma, her, anyone can say I don't matter.
    The truth is, I know the truth- I lived it. I'm not going to live the rest of my life trying to PROVE the truth. Why would I do that? Why would I keep giving into the abuse and control? Thats what he wants, and thats what she wants. Nah, I have a life to rebuild now and memory boxes of all her stuff to put away, and a disabled child to take care of the very best I can, and a stroke to overcome, plus financial difficulties to sustain. I never did need a child to complete me or love me and maybe that sounds harsh: but all I can say is I love my daughter, I won't fight for her, and I won't fight against her. According to me, she is as dead as she made me. Perhaps I need counseling to teach them to have me feel BAD over this but I don't. Whats wrong with me??????

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 11 December 2011 22:49 posted by Guest

    I can relate: yes I have been through the same thing but they grow up and see right through that manipulative lying ex with all of their lies and they make their own choices as to who is genuine or not

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 11 December 2011 22:28 posted by Guest

    Shame : Shame on these parents for poisoning their children against the other parent it only harms the children and its wrong. I can relate to that kind of poisoning to my children and pain, but only God can heal the poison and the pain and forgiveness can heal also.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 07 December 2011 12:01 posted by Guest

    WHAT!!!!: Really? You are going to blame this woman for leaving her husband after he cheated on her, she did the right thing. A marriage of lies and betrayal never works and is not good for the kids. She shouldn't have guilt or remorse, sounds like her ex is the one that should get down on his knees at night and pray for forgiveness for what he has done to this woman and their kids. I hope everything works out for her and that her kids will see that their mother has their best interest at hand.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 13 November 2011 03:38 posted by Guest

    the pain is too much: I am so sorry about your situation. I know the pain that you are talking about. I have an 11 year old. He is my only child, and I am unable to have any more children. He was absolutely my reason for existing. After enduring a verbally abusive 14 year marraige, I decided to leave with my son. He still had contact with his father, but after every phone call or visitation, he would come back to me saying exactly the same mean, hateful words his father would say to me. Despite the abuse, because I work a 2nd shift job, my ex has been awarded custody of my son. So its not just a few nights a week he hears bad things about me, but constantly. I think my son still loves me, but I know its just a matter of time before I lose him completely. And the worst part is, I am worried he will grow up to treat his wife and children in the same abusive manner. And my hands are completly tied. There's not a thing I can do about it, and it's killing me a little more every day.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 09 November 2011 13:17 posted by Guest

    Get a Life: I have read your varied responses. The sentence "When have you found out that your involvement for having him want to have a place with the children then let us know", makes no sense at all. Most women say "my own children", because yes she went through a pregnancy, labor, nursing for the child. By the way, in modern society, it is the choice of the mother to have the baby. Some women opt out, and refuse to have a child with a man that is abusive to her, and simply has an abortion. Or in some cases, the man wants and demands that she have an abortion, and she refuses. Honestly, you write as though you are a man that was thrown out and taken to cleaners in court. What happened? Did she make you pay child support? When you say "let us know", are you referring to the voices in your head? Take ownership of the crap you spill on here, and get some serious therapy. Take a course in English. Get a life. There is a saying, "When you are judging one person, someone else is judging YOU". Think about it.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 09 November 2011 13:02 posted by Guest

    Get a Life: First of all, adultery is a valid reason to end a marriage. He ended the marriage when he had the affair. Period. If you would take the time to read her story, you will learn social services was called in response to false allegations of abuse. This is very typical from parents involved in a bitter custody dispute. She was cleared of any abuse. The false report was a way to manipulate her and the system into making everyone believe she is a "bad" person. I am a victim of this type of manipulation. It is very real, and it is devastating. Empathy is a virtue. Perhaps you could find some along the way. Oh, it is "Karma is a Bitch", NOT Karma a Bitch. Instead of making these women feel even worse; go find an English class to take. It sickens me that you would get on here and add salt into the wounds of these women or even men. It can happen to men too. Your twisted wisdom is not welcome. Who are you to judge them??

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 November 2011 15:58 posted by Guest

    I feel your pain. I have been: I feel your pain. I have been a single mom for 10yrs with my youngest son, which is now 11. Dad has been in the picture, 11 days out of the month for 10yrs. Now all of a sudden he wants to have ds 50/50, really?? After I sacraficed my job, my income, so that I could stay home with our son that was diagnosed with a rare disorder at 2mths and brought him up pretty much on my own, he now wants to be part of his life and have all say in medical, religion, etc decisions. I do not have a problem with that at all, it's about time he got his priorities straight. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, we went to court, judge pretty much laughed at his proposal but gave him another night during the week. Took me a little to get use to but it's in the best interest of ds to be with both mom and dad. However, in a few mths I noticed my son being very rude, back talking, telling me he didn't have to listen to me I wasn't his boss. Telling me that he could only get the things that he wanted if he lived with his dd. Ds was ridicruling everything I did, but when asked about all the times that dd wasn't there, in ds eyes dd did nothing wrong. I understand that all this could be his age also, however it only happened when he returned from his dad's house. I monitored this for a good month, maybe 2, very consistant. I spoke with ds to find out what was bothering him and letting him know that his behavior was not exceptable in our home. After he realized that I was very hurt by his actions and this was just not the way he was brought up, he confessed to me that he thought that I was being very rude and disrespectful to his dad. I asked him how he would even see that, we communicate through email. His response made my mouth drop............dd has been showing him our emails! Dd was expressing to ds that dd was never allowed to see him, that dm was the blame. WOW!! That's all I could say. Then I called my attorney, went to judge, judge was appalled by dd behavior. DD gave judge this "wose me" speech and how dm never gives him any leadway with more visitation, blah, blah, blah. Oh lied to judge, telling him he never showed ds emails, then decided that he better tell the truth. All communication is done through ds from dd, big no no, but dm is the badguy. At dd request ds now has to attend counseling because dd thinks something is wrong with him. Hello.....should not be ds taking the counseling should be dd, who does that to their own child. Looks like it will be a long battle for the next 7yrs for all of us. In speaking to my ds all he wants is for everyone to get along, but until he actually tells dd this it will never happen(dd says they have a very open relationship but ds is not willing to talk to him about any of his real feelings). Oh did I mention that this all came about when dd got a girlfriend(now wife), I am assuming she has some underlaying insecurity issues that she needs to deal with on her own, not bring my ds into her faults. DD speaks to me only when dw if not around, is pleasant and cordial, tells me that dw only wants what we want for ds, but I haven't seen that at all. You know that old saying "words will never speak as loud as actions", sums it up for me! Either way I have always and will always be there for my ds, he will grow up and realize how he has been manipulated by the 2 people he thought was looking out for the best interest of him, and as always I will be here for him. It's tough but I have to be strong for my ds. That's the only person I owe it to. Things are going fine now, we have weekly disscussions on anything that is bothering him. I put it in the Lords hands and know that ds and myself will never be put into something we can't handle. Get yourself a good attorney and take dd to court, it is against the law to do this. Best of luck and I will be praying for you and your family.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 04 November 2011 06:33 posted by Guest

    Karma a bitch: You threw him out.

    Really? pissed? yes, he is, and yes they are.
    Why is social services involved? Were they ever involved before you threw him out? Or after?
    Think about it. The betrayed with the betrayer and both of you could not understand the impact it had on your children.

    I wish you luck in it. I wish you heal from the guilt shame and remorse you have.


  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 04 November 2011 06:27 posted by Guest

    pain: Pain of deciding to break up a family and not get help?

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 04 November 2011 06:22 posted by Guest

    Face it: Simply you cheated.

    That's Why the PAS.

    Probably went in like a victim into court too huh? instead of a adult saying what you did had been wrong It was blame and accusations on him. Perhaps you were abusive back to him, sound about right?

    Perhaps you wonderful husband you have now is scarfed to death of you but cannot bring himself to say it.

    Let go of agendas.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 04 November 2011 06:14 posted by Guest

    grow up: That really stinks! When have you found out that your involvement for having him want to have a place with the children then let us know.

    I know it is only half the story. What makes you think you are right? I think the words "my own children" paragraph says it all. when will women understand and learn that kids are not born because they just want them?

    Yes, meet boy, fall in love, marry boy, have kids, toss boy/girl to the curb because you got what you over all wanted. Because you feel that way.

    Take ownership for your own actions and then it will be come clear.

    I do not understand why mothers seem to think they corner the market on children (perhaps because men cannot carry them inside themselves) . I can not imagine that.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 02 November 2011 17:26 posted by Guest

    OMG! You mean there is more: OMG! You mean there is more than one of them out there! My husband was married to one of those and we know EXACTLY what you are talking about.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 02 November 2011 17:11 posted by Guest

    I Feel Your Pain: I understand EXACTLY what you are talking about. With the exception of your husband meeting someone else and leaving you (I don't think he will ever find someone else since he is a control freak), your story is very similar to mine. I have 5 children who he one by one systematically turned against me. My youngest still answers my calls, texts, emails and genuinely loves me. I know the day will come when he too turns away from me. I don't know what he tells them or how he makes it happen. Nobody will tell me. It hurts so much cause I was the one who stayed home to raise all 5 for 18 years. It hurts so much. He is the one with the money and with the power, so they have no choice. I don't have the job security or income that he does. In fact, I have to return to school to make myself employable after all the years I remained at home. I escaped from this controlling monster but couldn't take my kids with me. He scill controls them and uses them against me. I'm not sure what mothers like us can do to try and fix any of this..... Stay strong!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 02 November 2011 12:47 posted by Guest

    Extreme Ex: My husband's ex wife has not only filled their children's heads w/toxic waste against their father both before and after their divorce, but now, 15 years later she is manipulating her son (the father of 2, a 3 year old and 3 day old baby) into divorcing his wife. I don't see my husband as an innocent bystander in this mess; he gets to isolate himself and avoid intimacy - and come off (at least in his own mind) as 'Mr, Good Guy" gratefully divorced from an awful beech. I see the entire family system as corrupted. And the corruption began generations ago on all sides of every family involved in this system.

    For myself, I'm on the threshold of deciding whether to stay within the family as my husband's wife or leave. My beloved son died suddenly just over 2 years ago. I no longer have room in my heart or any part of my life for nonsense. Losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a parent. Losing a child w/in the context of a crazy step-family only compounds the loss.

    I've recently withdrawn what I call my application as family scapegoat -- which has a lot of family members disgruntled and looking for a new scapegoat. For now, I'm just waiting and watching. I have no intention of participating in the familial hunt for a new scapegoat. The only thing I can really do is become more honest w/myself and others. And if this entails leaving, that's what I'll do. I'm not interested in another marriage, I'm only interested in having an honest life lived w/the greatest amount of peace possible. Spiritually crazy people enjoy being spiritually crazed. I don't. I prefer peace.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 31 October 2011 08:21 posted by Guest

    How can this continue to happen: OMGosh. I sat here this morning reading everyones stories and all I could do is flash back to the pain I suffered with my older children and the pain that I am going through right now with my youngest. It is unbelievable how many of us are out there that go through the same thing and think we are alone because no one will help us protect our children from the monsters that are right under our own roof (once). My ex told me that I would pay for divorcing him and believe me he meant it. I didnt know what he meant until I filed for divorce. He broke me arm. I wish that had been the worse of it but he knew my children were the most important thing to me. He turned my daughter against me. He called social services (an evil group in itself) on me and told them that I was abusing the kids and doing drugs. They took them out of my home and gave them to him where he turned around and took both of them in different directions (with the help of his girlfriend) and admited them into psych wards. He promised my daughter a car, clothes, cell phone, ability to smoke without punishment and all the drugs she wanted as long as she helped him not have to pay child support. He would spend the money on her. And at first he did until she testified in court against me and then he stopped giving her anything. She was out partying (on a school night because he says she isnt smart enough to get a good job with an education so she needed to get a good man) and got raped. When she was 17 she got pregnant, when she was 7 months pregnant he beat her up. Social services said "they knew he was lying but there was nothing they could do until my daughter told the truth". My daughter would throw herself on the wall or floor and hurt herself and tell them I did it. My daughter go caught with a bag of pills at school that he gave her and when they were getting ready to take her to jail he told her to tell them that I urinated on her so they took her from me and gave them to him. This all happened while I was sitting in my daughter's couselor's office trying to figure out what to do. My daughter told me all the time that I didnt love her that I never did anything for her and that I never helped her in any way. Daddy was the only one there for her she would say. My daughter is 23 now and she still hates me. We talk but she says sometimes that she just wants to put it in the past and forgive me for what I have done. I feel like my daughter is not my daughter. I look at her and see only pain. I suffered a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital at the age of 35 because of all the stress. Now I have a blood clot sitting on a anyersum in my heart due to the damage from the heart attack(s), Im unable to work and most days I can barely get up my stairs.
    I now have a 3 yr old and her father is starting to do the same thing to me my ex did. My 3 yr old came back from her father's yesterday and she said that I get my money from her daddy and her name is ***** and my name is "the B word". Dear God I can NOT suffer this pain again!! If there are websites out there that know about parental alienation then why is no one doing anything about it. We know the signs, we know what they are saying and doing to our kids an apparently Im not the only one this is happening to so why is no one doing anything about it. Sometimes I pray that I can win the lottery and move away so she wont see him so much and he wont have as much time to influence her, sometimes I imagine him not on this planet anymore so she can imagine him a "hero" and we wont have to suffer like this. This is so sad because so many of us live through this on a daily basis and so many know about it but wont help. If the same people that wont help had this happening to them they would holler how unfair it was.
    I pray for the people on this site and all the ones around the world that are living with this hell!
    My God hold you (us)

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 23 October 2011 10:33 posted by Guest

    The pain is too much: I have two kids, 18 and 15, and an ex-husband with whom I am supposed to have joined custody for past 8 years. Over my kids lifetime he cut me off any decision in the most manipulative way, throughout the marriage he was psychologically abusive, extremely controlling, taped me and had me followed for no reason. If I had no kids I would have left US to get rid of him.
    Despite the joined custody he prevents me from making medical, educational or religious decision about my own children. My ex got the judge to force my children to judaism (they were even taken away from me on my visitation time to go to synagogue) while I was baptized in reformed church when I was 21 and was extremely against assigning any religious affiliation to my children until they would have a chance to decide on their own. I am not allowed to make any medical decisions about them and have to wait for my ex to find a doctor who he thinks is right to treat my own children and he always chooses schools for them ignoring any input (and telling the children mommy doesn't care and doesn't get involved). Now he got the judge to dictate how much I have to pay for out of town private school my daughter is choosing based on my ex's recommendations against my wish. Of course I can tell the kids that I will not be able to pay for the choices their father is making, but they will think I am lying because he tells them there is plenty money. I have immigrated to this country when I was 20, have family to support living in poor country, have barely made it myself since my ex took me to the cleaners when we got divorced.
    I guess you can say I am lucky compared to some of you, since my kids still "visit" and say they "love" me, but for any decision they turn to their dad and I feel like a puppet. I cry, I get angry, I blame them and than I try to make up for it.....It is a matter of time they will not want to be around me since I am acting awkward out of pain.
    Lately I am not doing mentally well, being nobody, just a person who once gave them life and now have no weight in their lives is killing me and I have thought of a suicide if I was not too scared. I love my kids to death and know their life has been a living hell just as much as mine because of this schizophrenic dad and double standard house situation.
    My life has been a failure, the one thing that was the most important to me -being mom, went terribly wrong and the pain is just killing me.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 10 October 2011 16:28 posted by Guest

    My kids hates me and they are scared to be with me cos of my ex : my evil ex and an evil father of my kids hates so much n my kids hates me too,my kids are scared to come in my home cos my ex who is their father scared them by telling them every day that i am a very bad mum who left them on the street for my boyfriend and i have dangerous friends and i do illegal things,all this accusations has turned up my kids against me,in my kids eyes i am an criminal mum and very bad influence for them,i got the chance to see them only on sun day only 4hrs and monday 3+30hrs, its not anough time for me to make my kids love me like be4 when they where with me,i am living through hell cos i hate to see my kids scared of me when im innocent and i have proved wrong my ex for 5 to 6yrs and i am gone fight till my kids love me again cos i love them so much and i can do anything for them,i will not give up on my kids all my life !!!!!!!!

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 19 September 2011 10:15 posted by Guest

    PAS: My daughter is 22. I also have a son, 17, and another daughter 14, and my ex is their father.
    I am remarried to a wonderful man and we have a 2 year old!
    My 22 year old has cut me out of her life completely, along with her step father, and precious baby sister (who she claims to still love but i wont let her see which couldn't be further from the truth). She will not talk to me or respond to my invitations or text messages. Her father opens up his home 24/7 to all her friends and treats them to everything under the sun...including VIP passes to concerts and sporting events, vacations, private plane travel, limo and driver etc. My beautiful first born child accuses me of horrible things with no evidence, tells me she doesn't trust me and, "lets face it mom, you stopped loving me a long time ago, dad has helped me through the pain of all of this, calling me every day to see if i am okay" What is she talking about..I have adored her and shown so much love by ALL of my actions, not just my words.
    My ex despises me for leaving him, after 18 years of living with an emotionally abusive child (him) and also my husband,,,he is so jealous. When i left him he threw law suits on me and my husband, and used the legal system to drain me financially and ruin my reputation along with my husband. That did not work, however, because I am strong and resourceful , I got amazing lawyers, and my husband is very smart and supportive...not to mention handsome!!My ex suffers from narcissistic personality disorder and now i am fearful that my 22 year old has fallen victim to his disease. He refers to me as "the cancer he cut out of his life" I miss my daughter so much but worse is i fear for her emotional and physical well being!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 14 September 2011 09:17 posted by Guest

    Parental Alienation: I'm so glad i found this site!! I'm not alone... My story is much like everybody elses. I'm 44 and had my first son at 16 and second at 18. They are now 27 and 24.I was married will be 25 years.I left last year because there was no more relationship.To much resentment,and just no more respect for each other.IAll those years it was all about the kids,and when they got older and moved on we were left with a relationship that wasnt really attended to all those years. I ended up with an old boyfriend who I was dating before I met my ex when we were 15.Funny how life turns out.I couldnt be happier with this relationship but its always clouded by the issue with my kids.They to will not talk to me,I can email,text,or go on facebook and they wont reply.I have a 7 month old granddaughter who I'm no longer aloud to see.I had contact with my oldest,but we just fought and fought because he was being thrown in the middle by his father.Nasty words he would say to me.We didnt have a great relationship before I left and my ex played on that.My other son just got out of the Marines.Came back from Afghanistan to this mess. Things were ok for awhile..Then the ex started on him to.I resent that fact because he has ENOUGH issues to deal with from being over there.I leave him alone and dont push him,we always had a better relationship,I know someday he will come around.At least I pray but it doesnt make the silence any better right now. My ex has a girlfriend got her a month after I left,ummmm,so upset I left "he says"What kills me is she is more of a grandmother to my granddaughter than I am.I have never been able to babysit her in her 7 months of life.When my ex has and his girlfriend.Might as well stick the knife in.I have NEVER in my life experianced pain like I have this last year. My whole life was my kids,I did everything right,and just wanted to be happy finally and all they can think about is what I DID to them. I cant believe my ex would do this.Hes so worried about being alone and his own selish acts are destroying my kids and now a baby.I cant believe it somedays. I have tried to explain to the kids whats going on but I get yelled at and nasty things get said. they wont see it. In this last year I have lost sooo much,my kids,my granddaughter,my mother,and a job I loved....Sometimes I wonder why I get up in the morning...The pain is unreal somedays,at night I just sit and cry uncontrolably for hours.My kids were my life,we grew up together and all I think is what a waste of 28 years,I will never get back because my ex wants to be selfish.. Amazing.... Galad to know Im not the only one and not alone.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 11 September 2011 16:05 posted by Guest

    Im going through the same: Im going through the same thing. My kids are 19 and 16. They have become so hateful towards me. ( hateful, like their dad ) They have deleted me on FB as well. When I call I get hung up on. This has gone on for some time now. It hurts SO MUCH. I know my X wouldnt be able to seperate from his mommy for no more than a day. But, thats what kind of person he is, sellfish, immature person who thinks of no one but himself. They are NOT looking for the kids best intrest. Im waiting for them to grow out of the hating phase, that gets you no where. Child support program only cares about $$, not the parenting plan or best intrest for the kids. For the parents who pay and dont get to see their kids, because the father acts like an ass. Its not right! I wrote a letter and a phone call expressing my concerns.........
    Keep your chin up, I know its so hard. Sometime I dont know how I do it.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 11 September 2011 15:51 posted by Guest

    All of this sounds so: All of this sounds so familiar to me. My x and his "mom" my x mother-in-law have done wonders on my two kids.( put lies into their heads) The sad thing is, the kids wont even give me a chance to defend myself for whatever they were told. They are just ok with it.( I also dont feel they should be in the middle of it either) We went through a horrible divorce, meaning he harrassed me, threats make my life hell, I will never seemy kids again. uses kids to punish me. (I had to file...police reports, restraining order against him) My kids wont answer my calls and when they do I get hung up on. It HURTS so much. He is a very controlling, angry man. He has turned our kids to be him. :( His motto, his way or no way). I cant believe how evil and immature some people can be.
    Sometime I feel like... am I the only one who has an evil x and now hateful kids?? The pain is unbearable.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 29 August 2011 20:06 posted by Guest

    Same situation: Hi,

    I'm sorry to hear of your situation, however I am in the same. Were you able to find any resolve, if so, care to share?

    Thanks.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 21 August 2011 22:06 posted by Guest

    Try getting invovled with other needy kids be a Mentor: Hello, I have been there and still am 29 years and I have told my kids that rejected me I love and forgive you and please forgive me for what ever I did to you. You need to go help others, find someone you can be a mentor to someone that feels like you do and you will begin to feel better helping other people in need. I had God and my faith in jesus Christ to give strength, maybe you should consider.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 21 August 2011 21:47 posted by Guest

    X wife X Grandparents an Grandparents Turn kids against Mom, Dad: My x would get me on the phone and have kids talk to me then she would get back on the phone and argue with me about nothing turn on the tears and my kids thought I was being mean to mommy. I had to stop talking taking calls no real healthy communication with X wife or kids for several months. I hired a lawyer got joint custody and she has worked top destroy my relationships with 3 of my 5 now grown up kids for the last 30 years and is still at it. My daughter told me if she were to visit and bring the Grand kids to see me she would never hear the end of from my X wife I kid you not. I could make a movie about my life, it has so many wild and bizarre twists and events. For example my soon to be x called and wanted to discuss the joint custody I filed for shortly after she filed. I originally was going to file do to a third party involvement by her. I was told by my Minister to let her be the one to file as she was the one who wanted to destroy the family. Well she came over came on to me and I fell for it. She left we never talked about joint custody but 1 hour later her Doctor called and said he would be a witness at my trial because my wife as we were still married went and told the doctor I raped her. Well I had set up a tape recorder in the living room with the thought of protecting me from threats and to verify our agreeing on joint custody. I was lucky I told the Doctor that would be fine as I had tape the willing consensual event, he the Doc hung up, end of that chapter and 29 to go. I could tell you many events that almost drove to the end of my rope and the stress it put on my new wife and I. My current wife also had lived at home and at 24 with one child, she was a victim before and after our getting married. Her only biological son has been turned against her by Family members. My current wife I found out after we were married had been raped by the closet of family member possible, the guy should be serving life in prison. We both recently went for advise from a professional and he said my wife and I were walking miracles, couldn't believe we were now married for 29 years and have nev er been separated. Praise be to God.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 21 August 2011 05:07 posted by Guest

    Parental alienation: I have 3 children with my ex partner of 15 yrs, in january 2010 i found out he was cheating on me and threw him out. I am living next door to his parents and they have given me hell, they constantly slag me off in front of my children and when it is my contact time they cause trouble in the garden. Ive had my oldest son taken away by his father as stories were made up about me hitting him, when all i tried to do was help him with his agression (his father refuses to see he has anger issues), i proved to cafcass that my son was lying about me hitting him and they do nothing but support the abusive father. I havnt seen my oldest son since february and write him letters to which he never replys. Last wk after a row with my 11 year old daughter over tidying her room, she took her clothes round to her grandparents and then i had social services claiming i had hit her too, my own daughter was saying this too which is shocking as our relationship has always been close anyway social services had no problem with me as this was made up lies. now he is refusing to bring my daughter back saying ;she will come back when she forgives me' she is 11yrs old and he shouldnt be using her emotionally like this its shocking he is letting her get away this behaviour and seems to continually support feeding lies to his own child. I currently have my 6 yr old boy with me and im refusing to let him go to his father, this is very hurtful as i had no problem with contact unitl he started messing around but im terrified the same will happen to him and the father will slowly turn my little boy against me. Im up in court tomorrow morning with 3 sole residency orders, a court order to bring my daughter back and a harrassment order as he keeps coming into my garden when its my turn for contact. Has anyone been through this kind of situation how did you deal with it please? x

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 19 August 2011 18:45 posted by Guest

    Oh my gosh,
    I just read your: Oh my gosh,
    I just read your post and it just brought me to tears. I totally EXACTLY feel the same way. When I have described what I am going through with friends I say the same thing. My two oldest boys have already been poisoned. My youngest daughter who is 7 is the only one who hasn't been influenced yet and that is because she has been with me the whole time. I am currently in a court battle where I am being made out to be a terrible person. I can not even imagine surviving if my youngest one is taken away and forced to hate me too. I won't make it. I know it.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 11 August 2011 06:57 posted by Guest

    I hate to tell you this but: I hate to tell you this but you are letting your ex control your life. It's going to hurt but cut it off. I assure you the laughter is endless on the weekends when you have your son.

    You don't need a therapist to stop this. Trust me...I've been in your shoes.

    Your son is 15 and despite what people say about kids at that age, he knows what your father is doing. But how can he have respect for you if you let your ex walk all over you even though you are no longer together? And what man will want to be with you?

    Go to court and modify the custody. Every other weekend with your son for you. Let your ex feel the pain of less time on the weekend. Plus he's not going to want to hang out with either of you as time goes on.

    If you don't make it a point to cut the cord TODAY, I'm afraid that the consequences may be more than you can handle.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 02 August 2011 01:25 posted by Guest

    So One Please Help Me The Pain Is Getting to be TO Much!!!!!: Divorce is something i don't take lighty(I'm guilt) I made some mistake! But why must the kids always have to be the one that really get HURT?????.... 23 years of marriage alot of great years and some not so great 2 wonderful Boys the oldest now 19 and the youngest 12. My 19 will have nothing to do with me clearly he has side with is mom! And I never wanted Side's. He has erase me from is Face book account and when i text him he pretends its not his number I'm really hurting about this one because I don't no how to fix it. and now T. the youngest is pulling away and if that happen to tell you the truth I will JUST DIE. !!!! I will have nothing to live for. I will not be able to go on knowing my kids hate me!! It would be better not to be on this earth with that type of PAIN.....

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 19 July 2011 21:24 posted by Guest

    I feel your pain : I just wanted you to know that I feel your pain. I have to deal with the same issue with my ex H. My six year old son lives with him for school but every since my son has been staying with him, my son has begun to throw tantrums when I come to pick him up. Once my son is out of his dad's presence he begins to calm down and act happy with me. It's only when he is around his dad and my ex in laws that he acts up when my name is even mentioned (or so I've heard). Now his father doesn't want me to keep him on weekends overnight because he claimed myson's therapist advised against it and that I should only pick him up and drop him off consecutive days in a row. I have requested documentation of this from my son's father. I'm hoping to get it soon so I can understand why the therapist would say such a thing.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 07 July 2011 13:39 posted by Guest

    Ex Controlling Me by Parental Alienation: I have been divorced for ten years but still I cannot free myself from my controlling ex-husband as he uses our son as a weapon.

    I have had two relationships since our divorce - each time I have had one my husband has 'removed' my son (who is now 15) saying that my son is unhappy and it affects his schooling - however I think it is his treatment of my son that have caused these difficulties, he was very abusive to him for years, shouting in his face, slapping him, constantly calling him an idiot. We went to an educational psychologist who more or less laid responsibility at ex H's door for sons 'learned behaviour 'and then ex H refused to go again.

    He always wanted a one to one relationship with me and resented our son - now he is the best parent in the world and I am just selfish and rubbish (or so he tells me). As my sons school is within walking distance of his house he stays there Mon - Thurs and I have him the w/e but have to have him every weekend, I am not allowed to go out nor to have anyone else in the house. If I want to go out on a Fri or Sat he will just threaten to take my son away as I am being selfish and a crap parent by wanting to have a life. However he would be quite happy to have our son taken care of by his mum if I was going out with him (the ex H) for a meal or something.

    It's just being going on so long I am sick and tired of it. I have got a chronic illness which he also uses to smother me. It got so bad I had a breakdown last year and have had to have 6 months of intensive therapy - I have tried to tell him this abusive behaviour has been a contributory factor but he won't acknowledge it. My psych therapy was covered by a family insurance policy he has and every time it was going a way he didn't like he would threaten to stop it.

    If it wasn't for keeping my son stable in school I would just want to pick him up and run, I wanted to 10 years ago and so regret I didn't.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 04 July 2011 10:19 posted by Guest

    Seeing the light: Wow I just can't believe they have a name for this...I feel like I've just seen the light AMEN! I've been wondering the last 8 years what's going on, why my boys won't say they love me, why they won't hug me, why they have no respect for me, and right here was the answer all along. He has been trying since the beginning to keep them from me, we had our little custody fight, I got 48% he got 51% they stay with him during the school year Monday thru Friday then with me on the weekends, summer it switches with me through the week and him on the weekends. This is not at all what I wanted however I didn't not have money to fight him, I remember years back after we signed the papers, he had a babysitter for them she had 4 kids of own that she couldn't control and my two on top of that, I would beg him to let them stay with me instead of her, I offered to sign a paper saying I didn't want support, nope he just kept saying over and over they are better with her....WOW what man would want his kids with someone who has four of her own that are running the streets, doing drugs, how would this women have time to give mine love and attention that they needed? I found out just the other day that he told my oldest son that the reason we broke up was because I was always cheating so he threw me out....flat out lie....I was no such thing, I was a loving mother, who worked, held down a house, and did everything, cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, took the kids to all their Dr appts he never helped with anything, the only thing the did was work and come home sleep...when I left, he told me to move and get settled and come back and we would talk about how we were going to raise the boys..2 days later I went back and he wouldn't answer the door, I didn't see my kids for 4 months until we went to court for custody. He is always putting me down, calling me names hoe, slut, tells me I'm the worst mother ever, says my kids hate me, that I'm stupid, I have been dealing with this abuse for the last 8 years, however I didn't think that he was doing this in front of them, now I see how stupid I really was because he clearly was painting a picture for them of me that wasn't nice. I would notice little things they would just eat at me because I didn't understand it....I would tell my youngest I love him, no response back, I would say I love you again, nothing back....I was always a loving mom, sure it hurt but I blamed me the fact the he is a boy and telling your mom you love her isn't cool...I would try and hug them, they would stand there almost emotionless, now all these years later I know why.....how can I expect my kids to respect me when their own father doe not. I am taking him back to court in a few months....I plan on using this...because it's clear this is what he's doing. Any advise I would welcome...God bless all of you....for having to endure this nightmare.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 01 July 2011 19:55 posted by Guest

    daughter: I have an 18 year old daughter and a 16 year old son and they have been turned against me in so many ways and they have been alienated from their only living grandparents and the rest of my family, how sad for this insecure, manipulating ex to do so much damage to these relationships for the sole purpose of feeding his ego and gaining the kids unconditional love, he spoils them beyond his means and expects that I help out now that I have alimony, not child support, meanwhile, I was a stay at home mom for 18 years and have no job, I have alimony yes, to pay off debt, live day to day, save, set aside an emergency fund for when my ex decides to be late or not pay me at all....I have to now be more responsible than ever with my money, try and find a job and start all over.
    It is so unfair but I have no answers other than try and stay calm with your daughter but do not let her bully you like my kids try to do to me, they want money from me or signatures or financial documents but want no part of me or my family, insane!

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 01 July 2011 17:45 posted by Guest

    posting: Wow, so sorry. My ex is now with a woman who is 33 years younger than his age, 56.
    I was married for 17 years, great mom, stayed at home, volunteered at school, really a mom
    like me is rare and my husband bragged about me to everyone but ever since he asked me for a divorce
    I am an out of control and overly emotional woman who doesn't love her kids
    My ex thinks that my alimony is suppose to go towards our kids affluent lifestyle and though I have been fair in
    giving my kids money I can afford to give them, they continue to ignore me and use dad's words as to why they are choosing
    not to have me in their lives. Also affected, their grandparents, my parents, my siblings my nieces and nephews, they have all been
    alienated from my ex as he continues to control their every move by money, money, money.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 01 July 2011 17:39 posted by Guest

    alienation: Sorry to hear your story, I have an ex and he has done nothing but throw me under the bus
    and tell lies, my son is 16 and my daughter now 18 and though I was the perfect stay at home mother for 17 years
    that did everything, I am now an out of control and overly emotional mom and I have no one to blame for
    my problems with our kids, how sick is this! He hates that he has to pay me alimony and he only wants to hurt me
    through alienation. Until a person walks in our shoes, no one can understand the pain we are feeling, yet we are suppose
    to carry on and forget our kids until they one day can comprehend the damage that has been inflicted upon us.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 25 June 2011 18:54 posted by Guest

    My ex wife has the whole: My ex wife has the whole system beliving her.Shes a wackjob.Good luck ma'am i know your pain.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 25 June 2011 18:52 posted by Guest

    I've been divorced 8 years: I've been divorced 8 years and my ex is using the alienation thing on my kids.I've always paid my support,got my kids whenever she allows it,and when she keeps them from me i haqveto take her ba ck to court and they wont do shit to her.Wonder why so many dads give up on their kids.Im love my kids to death and she feels nothing about using them against me.As a matter of fact it makes her laugh.How sick is that?

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 29 May 2011 18:52 posted by Guest

    Divorced since 2007: My name is Andrea and I'm so emotional!!! I was married for 15 years, I had 3 children . We were happy but had a lot of problems we still stuck together. Jan 2006 my husband met an 18 girl and he left me for her I was shocked cause he is 20 yrs older than her. We didn't get divorcedd till Oct 2007. Well ever since then I've been in pain .The stepmom and My ex husband turned my two of my children agaisnt me they told my children I was a looser, I didn't love them, and through out there life I wasn't there for them. which that wasn't true at all I even volounteered at the schools just to be close to my kids. I haven't seen my daughter for two and galf years and my younger son for two months, I really don't know what to do anymore, I have begged, pleaded and even shiwed up at their door, I'm depressed and I want them in my life.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 29 May 2011 18:29 posted by Guest

    Divorced since 2007: I understand your pain, All you can do is tell your kids how much you love them and you will always be there for them no matter what. Also start writing letters to them reming them of everything you have done together nothing negative make a copy befor sending them the letter, keep the copies in a sheet protector and put them in an album so when they finally grow up and want u in there life you can show them all the letters.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 26 May 2011 10:06 posted by Guest

    My life is a disaster: I honestly lost hope... the words my children use towards me and my family and friends are so hurtful and I wish I had my little boys back they are 7 and 9 my 7 year old is coming back home tonight and my oldest son is coming home next week we have shared custody with week on an week off deal but my children and so out of controle I fear for my daught who is 13 months old turning out like them. I have no support from my family and friends they are telling me that I am doing the right thing by removing them out of the house when they treat me like this.. I feel like I am abandoning them.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 26 May 2011 02:05 posted by Guest

    parent alienation: I'm so sorry. I can totally relate. What a horrible thing for parent to do. My ex husband had turned my 18 year old daughter against me. This is all over a post high school expenses law siut my new husband and I filed against him. We also have two older son's with disabilities and my new husband and I have been supporting them. My daughter lives with her father in a very affluent area. My daughter has been very spoiled. My new husband and I live a very simple middle class life, yet she expects and feels entitled to an expensive college education that we just cannot afford to give her, We're happy to help with a junior college education, but can't afford a university. Her words to me are venemous and lately do parrot what my ex says about me. Tonight she kept telling me that I am "lazy and crazy." She told me to "go to fu----g hell" and to never speak to her again. The signs of parental aliention listed on this site sound exactly like my situation. This has been going on for about six months now. I am so emotionally drained. It's just not fair to my new husband to have to deal with me like this. He's so patient. His ex wife has done the same thing to his children. He hasn't seen them in six years now. Is there any hope for this? I have to admit; tonight I did show a lot of anger towards my daughter in a texting war.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 25 May 2011 23:25 posted by Guest

    alienation I understand: My ex is doing the same thing, he told my children that I wasnt a good mother because I am replacing them with my new life this isnt true but apparently it is working....I dont have much money and he buys my children things that I can not buy them and now my children are so spoiled I cant do anything about it. it is so hard and I do feel alone now because none of my family or friends are around to help. I wish that my children would just realize what is reallly happening.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 25 May 2011 23:19 posted by Guest

    My life just became a disaster: I have been seperated since 2006 and my ex didnt care about our children when they were born I stayed with him for 6 years and out of the 6 years he held my oldest probably 1/2 a dozen times and the same with my youngest. When I left he didnt even bother with them untill 3 months after when he realized he could no longer controll me. I finally got into a relationship 3years ago and now I am getting married for the past two years my children dont talk to me they swear at me all the time they tell me that they want to go to dads house when I say no to them. My children are now hating me more then ever.... there are so much more that is going on with this but it doesnt matter what i do or how calm I stay or how much I tell them I love them they talk to me like im crap on the ground. Dad is god in thier eyes it is so hard for me. My babies no longer need me. What do I do..?

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 24 May 2011 22:44 posted by Guest

    alienation: I wish my ex would let my kids just love me. We were together 18 years, our daughter is 18 and our son is 16.
    They both ignore me, their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Before the divorce, we all had a very close bond.
    Usually it is the woman who alienates kids from their father, in my case, it is a very insecure man who is buying our kids love.
    Very sad and it breaks me daily.
    Good luck to you.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 23 May 2011 21:20 posted by Guest

    I am

    Email me if you: I am

    Email me if you wish

    It hurts tremendously. As much as you want to despise the other person in reality you should just feel sorry for them. Your child will know one day when older. And yes if they state best interest of child there is nothing a court can do with a manipulator as they tend to fool everyone

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 28 March 2011 09:48 posted by Guest

    It REALLY hurts: Unfortunately I'm going through this also. My wife left me with a mountain of bills and took all 3 of our children. For the first couple months my children loved spending time with me (what little the soon-to-be-ex would allow) but as of recent they have nothing but mean things to say to me. What hurts me the most is not that my children are treating me this way, although that hurts a lot, but that she doesn't understand what long term effects this will have on our children. All I can do for now is try to continue to spend as much time as I can with them, letting them know I love them and as a parent this love is unconditional and that I will always be there for them.

  • Comment Link Rebecca Dubreuil Saturday, 19 March 2011 13:28 posted by Rebecca Dubreuil

    I can relate and need advice <3: Wow I knew that many were going through parental or child custody issues but this describes my situation to a "T" i will just briefly describe it but i will not have to do much since it is written up there...

    I raised my son as a single mom with 2 boyfriends through out my sons life. he was born December 27,1997. i was just turned 17 and yes as a teen mom i was still in high school not to make it a statistic teen mom story it is about the custody. we then broke up me and his father when he was about 2. I have been dealing with mental disorders since i was 14. i have been diagnosed 4 times bipolar to this date. i am 30 now. well i had never talked bad or denied my son child 1 we will say to his father. dad1 we will say. He was in and out of my sons life there was one year when i was bringing him to his father on saturdays and that was it over nights but it was verbal no court orders i never gave him a hard time even when he wasnt consistant with visits and child support i knew it was more important for him to have occasional visits.. i just loved my son so much it didnt matter how i felt and especially how i felt about his father.. if only it was the same for him but this is my delema...

    I resectly needed help i had a hardships and became homeless he had become involved again due to a new relationship he is in a new relationship with a woman 15 years his senior maybe even 20 i am not sure.. well he got custody by lying and more lying and lying he has turned my relationship i had with my son and my families into lies lies lies as he said i never involved my son in my turmoils since i felt he did not need to at his young age any parent would feel this way. but also he says i kept him from his father never had i done this.. i can pick this aprt but this is rediculous i spent a hour on the phone with my son in how he just is so mad about being lied to but i never lied to him i just felt at 3 or 5 he need not know i was going through a depression or manic episodes.. :9 he forgets all the nights of book reading days and nights at the beach and rides at night just the 2 of us... the dinners and picnics.. the songs we sang every night all ths pictures we have together of love and our family outings.... He only sees and hears my flaws and mistakes yet everything his father has done or did was in perfection. We borke up since he was into drugs and not working but he was told when he was a baby he was working for his job.. not true i was with him he was not working yet. he started working when he was 21 or so maybe 20 and he was 3-4 .. any ways everything that was said is whati am going through .. i am so frustarted i am going through a group to help i have to pay $100 up front and then payment plans but i have no other support in what else to do. He my child 1 says he doesnt need me or my family... it was never a your family my family :( i am so sad mad and frustrated. and i know me being in my sons life is just as important as his families all his families. both his mothers and fathers. even throguh all this i want his father to be in his life but also myself.. isnt that sick i cannot be angry with hi and not want him in my sons life because he loves him... how can i take him frm him how can another keep him from his mother and all the love we have .... ugh am i crazy or what :(

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 12 March 2011 16:23 posted by Guest

    Nasty Ex girlfriend Manipulating : We are having major problems with my husbands ex-girlfriend trying to poison their 4 year old son against his Dad. Its really awful to watch on as you can see the child is torn and totally confused as to where hes told by his mother his loyalties should lie. Both me and his Dad try and protect him from the hurt of the break-up of their relationship by not badmouthing her and talking normally and at ease about his family life with her, trying to keep things as normal as possible. She on the other hand seems to delight in telling the child that his Daddy is a bad man who 'tells fibs' and has no problem at all screaming and shouting and arguing in front of him. The child has been privvy to everything bad that has gone on during the last few years, she just doesnt even try and protect his feelings. Its emotional abuse and shouldnt be underestimated in the effect it has on children.
    Now she has decided she wants to change the childs surname to that of her new boyfriends and the child is really upset and just doesnt know whats going on, its so cruel. Surely something should be able to be done to stop this emotional manipulation of a toddler, its just wrong on so many levels. Added to this, the mother tells the child to call the new boyfriend 'daddy X' which adds to the confusion for him.
    The child also has medical issues that are being ignored by the mother and as a result the child doesnt use the toilet as normal and has developed a phobia of it, which is quite serious to his health and creates problems as he is due to start school in a few months time. She has told his Dad that the childs medical issues are down to our house being dirty and she has no problems at hers, this the child that she sends to us for the weekend wearing ladys sanitary protection (as he is to old for nappies) and that i would put down to anxiety/stress due to the circumstances she revells in putting him in to spite his Dad.
    What can you do? There should be a law about mother manipulation of children under 16. Its as criminal as physically attacking someone and the effects on chidren last alot longer. Frustrated.Annoyed.Upset.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 17 February 2011 16:44 posted by Guest

    ex claiming you have turned child against him: Your son will be soaking up all your anger..whether you express it or not. You already have an opinion on the boys Father having him while his parents are visiting! I would be encouraging that contact. In reading what you say above, it seems obvious to me that you have alot of bitterness towards your ex husband.
    I find it strange that you say your son has voiced that he does not wish to go!! I take it you asked him IF he wanted to go rather than actually making it an exciting time and something to look forward to.
    Perhaps with your attitude, the father feels uncomfortable ringing. You need to have pleasant and cordial relationship with the boys father, whether you like it or not...children are not stupid, they can see through pretense... Give up the control and start encouraging a relationship. I have been through this myself and only ever encouraged my son to see his Dad as often as he wanted. I NEVER rubbished his father anywhere near him and I now have a very well balanced 25 year old who has a good relationship with his Father, it's not perfect, but he can make his own mind up in regards to that. By not encouraging your son to spend time with his Father, you are alienating him from not only him, but his Grandparents as well. You may not even be aware that you are doing it, but i can see it just by reading your post.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 26 January 2011 18:48 posted by Guest

    ex claiming you have turned your child against him: My question is this: If you are NOT manipulating your child against your ex...how do you prove it? My child never mentions his father, doesn't seem to care if he calls or not. My ex does not call (its now been a month since he even called to say hello to his son) or visit. I have not bad-mouthed or alienated my son from him, I have given him every opportunity to see him and call and my ex CHOOSES not to. Now he wants 2 weeks in the summer because his parents are coming to visit. I believe this is to try to prove to his parents he is a good father (they don't know he never calls, etc)..My son has expressed that he does not want to go and I have told my ex this and he is now claiming I am putting words into my son's head and have influenced his decision. I have done no such thing, my son is bright and I think has just had enough. How do you convince an ex that you have had NOTHING to do with his decision. I suppose you can't. It's very aggrevating and now he is going to court to try to get out of state visitation..I have told him to ask his son himself what he would like to do and he refuses to even call. This to me says it all. He is not interested in the best intrest of his son, only how he looks in front of his parents. It's disgusting.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 01 January 2011 13:13 posted by Guest

    I am going through the same: I am going through the same thing with my ex. He takes my daughter, tells her awful stuff about me, which isn't true. He makes awfual accusations about me and tells her to go along. I have 50/50 custody with him now, but I was afraid to go to court to get full custody because he is the master manipulatorand I fear that there is a samll chance that the courts might belive him. He also teaches my daughter how to lie and change the facts around. Has anyone else been in this sitation before?

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 21 December 2010 22:57 posted by Guest

    Parental Alienation: Well, for what I have read so far, this is all about the women on here. Im a father of a 9 year old and Im going through the same thing with my ex-wife. I was wrong for not contacting him in a coupe of months so I could get myself back on track but when i did contacted my son, we talked all of the time on the phone. We had a very good thing going on until his mother started to monitored his phone calls while he and i was talking. She knew thats all he and I had was communication. I guess she felt left out or something because i didnt want to have any conversation with her what so ever. Maybe she was just jealous. Anyways, I tried contacting him for two straight days and no answer. I didnt want to do it but I text his mother to tell him to call me. When i finally contacted him, he said he was spending the night over his friends house. He always have his phone with him until that day. He said his mother had the phone because he didnt have a signal. I explained to him that it was important to me that we kept the communication going because thats all we really had. She claimed that I was fussing at him and hurted him which I didnt at all. She said that he didnt have to call me all of the time, etc. so, she and I had a few words and told her that I WISH SHE WAS DEAD. I guess she got heated and wanted to tell me dont call this number(his number) anymore until I grew up and hung up the phone.. I tried calling him the next day to apologize IF I hurted him, the phone was disconnected. I even texted her and apologized to her as well. I guess she feels like if we isnt together why have anything to do with the child. She is letting him decide when to talk to me. If she wants him to be in my life or I be in his she would convince him to call me. If he is ready to talk to me, she isnt letting him fall through. Im not going to call her and beg etc. She wants that type of power. My thing is she got the divorce she hould be happy but dont use the child for revenge. Why is she acting so childish? Someone let me know whats wrong with her. Email me at sambeck33@yahoo.com

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 21 November 2010 11:30 posted by Guest

    Parental alianation???: This is terrible and tearing my family apart! My ex has full custody of our 3 girls...we were together for 5 years, separated for the last 5. I had them on my own for the past 5 years. Never gave me more than $50 in all that time. Neglected to call or visit for months at a time. I used to comfort them and tell them daddy couldn't come because he was working or his car was broken...whatever just so they would not hate him. Recently I have met someone new...the girls loved him, before dad found out. He had hopes that we would get back together...now the girls are with him and saying that we locked them up all day and forced them to watch us have sex everyday! He keeps coming up with new stuff they supposedly told him all the time! I have seen them once in the 4 months he has had them...just got a call from my daughter yesterday saying she doesn't ever want to come home and to leave her daddy alone. What happened to the little girls who loved me?! This is ridiculous and no one can do anything about it! He has gotten them to sound so convincing. Things they say are so clearly made up, I can't believe that they would repeat these things and say it really happened! There has to be something I can do to get them out of this situation. They loved me and missed me, wanted to come home and now they never want to see me again! I had to file contempt on him because he won't let me see them...now he says he's going to sue me...nice

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 14 November 2010 11:43 posted by Guest

    Losing 'ME' please somebody help.: I am going through the same thing with my husband, except that we are NOT divorced. I feel like my husband does not accept me for who I am. For many years now he complains when I go out with friends, or when I engage in my interests or hobbies. He criticises me for my faults constantly and has never made an attempt to hide his frustrations or express his negetive opinions about me to our children. I feel like I am being 'attacked' in my own home. Recently my daughter has become very withdrawn from me and rarely talks to me. My husband told me that last week she told him all the things that bother her about Mom and to my horror they were an ECHO of all the things my husband has complained about for years - minor character flaws and my interest in native culture and arts, things that shouldn't really bother anyone to any extreme, let alone my own daughter. She called me OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) an echo from my husband as well. AND he can not see or can not admit that he has influenced this in any way.

    I try be different to please my husband. I have few friends now, rarely engage in my hobbies and have even contemplated removing my beautifully handcrafted dreamcatchers and rattles and drums from my home because he (and now my daughter) complain so much about them. But now I feel like 'me' is slipping away. The more I try to please him the more I lose myself and my spirit. I feel almost broken now and like I have hit rock bottom.

    I could handle my husband being unhappy with who I am but now that he is alienating me from my daughter I can barely keep my head above water. I wake up each night after only 4 hours of sleep crying and then can not get back to sleep. I am for the first time in my life really depressed and don't know what to do.

    Please, someone help me.

    Leanne

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 31 October 2010 18:50 posted by Guest

    I hate being nice.: I very much care for my ex but I had to leave because he was being too abusive and I was tired of wasting all my energy on trying to keep him on the "up" side of his clinically diagnosed bipolar. Anyway, now I'm trying to abide by the laws that say I should encourage a good relationship between my kids and their dad. The problem is, when I'm trying to say that he loves them and just wants them to be happy and healthy (which I think he does most of the time) he actively tries to manipulate them into thinking I don't love them or at least that I don't love them as much as he does because I don't give them absolutely everything they ask for and because I have rules and expectations and because I (gasp!) put them in time out or make them do chores or whatever. When I'm always the only one that makes them do things they don't like and my ex talks badly about me while I talk well of him, how can I make sure they don't reject me and say they want to live with him at some later point?

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 19 July 2010 14:05 posted by Guest

    Same thing here...: This describes my situation perfectly. My daughter is 12 and has chosen to go live with her father and new stepmom. Since she has went to live with them, she no longer tells me she loves me and talks so rudely to me. On my weekends, she is not like that at all. Just when she is with them.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 02 May 2010 21:38 posted by Guest

    My ex has been doing this to: My ex has been doing this to me for the last 6 years...recently told my son(17 years old) that I am a dried up crazy menopausal bitch (my son nearly decked him) -- his new wife is 25 years his junior and looking for a green card...all the behavior + the south asian child bride, has made my son lose respect for his dad -- or as he now calls him "my mom's ex-husband". From the day he was born I told him I loved him eveyday, listened to his joy, sadness, hurts, and triumphs with rapt attention. My ex did not do this...so really if you are showing your kids that everything the creep says is not true by virtue of your actions it will be OK. Anything beyond this contact your lawyer...oh my ex's family (parents, sister, etc.) also bad-mouth me...it has all back -fired on them. When my son turns 18 he told me he is done with the lot...they lose the company of a great kid.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 30 April 2010 00:42 posted by Guest

    I havent been married but: I havent been married but engaged and we have a 23 month old daughter together. Now that we are separated I have my daughter in daycare while looking for work and he spends more time with her than I do. She cries when he drops her off to me and gets so excited when he comes to pick her back up. She shuns away from me when hes around and just completely favors him. It kills me that shes grown apart from me like that when I was always super mom to her. I was always involved in whatever she was doing and he sat on the couch and watched or went to work. He's also not very nice to me. I left him, cuz he's a complete A**hole. We were fighting all the time, could never communicate and we were getting to the point of violence, just yelling and screaming at each other. I made the decision to remove me and my child out of that situation. He loves our daughter so much and i used to think he was a good father, thats why we have shared custody. But i'm not so sure anymore. I dont want my child being subjected to such manipulation and meanness!

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 26 April 2010 13:01 posted by Guest

    in my latest opinion?: wow... i'm suprised this was even posted... as a person, not only as a parent i'm disgusted to read this from anyone, Shyli... i hope no one takes this advice.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 12 July 2009 21:35 posted by Guest

    Parental Alienation...: I am living thru this right now, the only difference, is my six year old is bright enough to manipulate each of us. This is probably the hardest thing I have had to live thru. My ex refuses to allow my child to go to counselling, and I have exhausted all avenues to go down, so now I go to court for this.

    Glad I found this site...

  • Comment Link Debbie Thursday, 25 June 2009 10:00 posted by Debbie

    Wanda: Thank you for your mature and thoughtful reply. I am negotiating my divorce now, and dealing with a lot of bad press from my husband. (unwarranted) My attitude has never been confrontational or accusatory, and I also want to protect my children and set an example by my behavior. The answer that you gave, that the children did not have to worry or defend you, is the key that I have been looking for. Something to relieve a little bit of the children's stress and yet demonstrate that I am rational and caring.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 28 May 2009 15:16 posted by Guest

    In my latest opinion...: I think the only way to fight this is fire with fire...be overly into the one who talks about you to your child (bad)... act like you love them so much and you are so into them confuse your child make your child despise them because they are getting all of mother's love... this will make the child in turn hopefully make your child lose interest in anything they have to say or anything said about them works with any age "reverse psychology methods"...do all this whiles still giving your child love your normal amount of love just a bit under it, just make them(your child) sick with talking about how much you want to spend time with this ex. Make up things like what he does for you behind the your child's back and how he lies to (your child) so, they won't get jealous of what he gave you...be sure to pinpoint things your child very much wanted from them, that they have not done for them... so you can shove it in your kids face if that means you have to rent or buy then do so... (to gain back your child interest) then when your child really starts looking hurt by all of it, tell your child not tell them and give all of the made up treats you said the ex gave you to your child...say this will be our secret and tell your child that you understand how it feels and become they're best friend (listen to them from there on out always, have fun with them and talk about how mean he was to try and play you both)..not just their parent... soon, I pray your child will lose complete interest in anything the ex is saying(period) making you appear the most valued resource once again ...a little conniving and crooked, but hey these my friends our crooked times we are dealing with... sometimes, even the healthiest and greatest wholesome cakes gotta put a little spice in they're mixes just to make the plan bake properly...feel me ...or not your call....Goodluck!+)

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 23 February 2009 11:11 posted by Guest

    I don't think this is nearly as common : as people would like to believe. My ex constantly accuses me of "poisoning" our daughter against him. In reality, I say very little to her about him, and what I do say is neutral 99% of the time. I save my "stupid ex" diatribes for private. But it's easier for him to believe that I'm causing problems in their relationship than to admit that she has seen him drunk, seen him pass out from improperly managed diabetes, seen him do countless thoughtless, dangerous or stupid things on his own. Hell, I wish he were trying to build a good relationship with her, and I'm sorry that he's not, for her sake.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 23 February 2009 09:34 posted by Guest

    Yep - been there, done that: My ex had a terrible habit of talking negatively about me to the kids. It's a tough one to deal with because you are divided about how to react. On the one hand I wanted to tell my son and daughter all the horrible things about their father to defend myself and his words against me, but on the other hand I did not want to make my young children feel anymore conflicted than they already did. So, in the end, I let them "off the hook." I told them that what their father said about me was just his way of showing his hurt and dissapointment in our failed marriage and that they should not argue or defend me. They were so relieved to know that they did not have to worry about my feelings in this. It's been three and a half years, and I would say that in the last year, their father has come to terms with the reality of our situation, and he is far less prone to speak about me to them at all. Wanda Woodard