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Parental alienation can feel like a hopeless situation. When you find yourself cut off from your child because of your ex's manipluation, you can't help but wonder: "Will I ever reunite with my 'lost' child?"

Don't despair. You can regain a loving relationship with your child. In this second installment of my exclusive firstwiveswordseries on parental alienation, you'll get tools to navigate this challenging process.

Your patience and understanding will help your child see what is going on — eventually. In the meantime, you have to be strong and persistent. That doesn't mean simply waiting for that magical "a-ha" moment. Instead, take these important steps:

1. Don't take the bait.Your child may often come to you filled with accusations and anger. If you try to debate every petty flare up, you will only fuel the contentious flames. Avoid small battles and focus on building memorable moments together. If your child levels serious charges that you can counter — proof, for example, that you didn't steal the college fund — offer to show him documentation, but ONLY if you are asked.

2. Hold yourself to the highest standard of conduct.Manage your anger. Pay your bills. And follow the law. Don't give your ex anything that can be used against you by either your kids or the courts. Imagine that you are being videotaped and behave accordingly. Sure, it's unfair that your ex gets to bend — even break — the rules and still receive your child's glowing praises. But you need to focus on your ultimate goal: A loving and healthy relationship with your child.

3. Don't blame your kid.S/he is a victim too. Children who become detached from a parent because of parental alienation are affected into adulthood. It might feel convenient, for the moment, to channel your rage and frustration at your child. After all, s/he is contributing to your unhappiness. But remind yourself that your ex is really the one to blame. Your child is caught in the middle of a terrible struggle and doesn't really mean the terrible things s/he is saying about you or doing to you.

4. Show that you're different from your ex's portrayal.Is your ex implying that you are unsafe, unavailable, and unloving? Contradict him by your actions and be safe, loving, and available. This is a perfect example of the old maxim, "Actions speak louder than words."

5. Stick to your schedule. Carry out the plans you've made with your child, even if you think s/he will not be made available. The one time you are late or don't show up will be when your kids are waiting or your ex can have "proof" of your apparent lack of interest in the children.

6. Assemble a team. Legal and mental health professionals who understand your situation need to be at the ready. Be sure they are well versed in parental alienation and can advocate for the best interests of you and your child.

7. Say "I love you." As often as possible, let your children know you care about them. They need to hear you say that you want them in your life. And they need constant assurances that your love is unconditional. Text, e-mail, IM, or leave voice messages on a regular basis. It may help to think of your children as lost in a forest of alienation. Your little messages of love are the trail of bread crumbs leading them back to you. They need to know that you will love and forgive them — no matter what.

Check out Part One of the series:5 signs Your Ex is Turning Your Child Against You

Click the following for more articles and videos on Kids, Family, And Divorce

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286 comments

  • Comment Link lisa ingle Tuesday, 10 October 2017 09:24 posted by lisa ingle

    my son and daughter in law are seperated because she cheated on my son for the third time and moved her boyfriend into the home, she then tresspassed by barging into my sons home during his visitation and took the child, my son took charges out on her for tresspassing and now she is keeping my grandchild from my son, my son has a text message that she wrote saying as long as my son has charges on her he will not see his son,afyer almost three weeks my daughter in law has not been served the warrant therefore there has not been a court date set so even if my son wanted to drop the charges and get to see his son he cant, my grandson is only 2 and needs ro see his father. in the meantime my daughter in laws boyfriend is trying to play dad

  • Comment Link Lenora Quinn Friday, 29 September 2017 16:18 posted by Lenora Quinn

    What if the child is alienating themselves though because they are becoming old enough to see a clear pattern of neglect and un-loving behavior. I sympathize with the parents going through true alienation but after reading the comments on here it is quite possible that the best interest of the children could be the determining factor for some of the cases being mentioned. I have a stepson who just turned 8 and feels less and less connected to his own mother due to her poor choices that she has consistently been making since he was born. But at 8 years old he is no idiot and the contrast of life in his father's home verses her home is just too great for him to not see and understand. She is claiming alienation which is the perfect way for her to not take any responsibility for her own role in her damaged/declining relationship with her son.
    Anyone who has grown up with a mother that has NPD knows that sometimes no contact is the only way the child can be whole and happy. Living in a home with a kid that comes back a total nervous wreck after being at his mother's house for a few days knows what I'm talking about.

  • Comment Link catnaptime Thursday, 28 September 2017 15:14 posted by catnaptime

    This is a very painful, lonely problem to go through. Most professionals do not understand it, there is virtually nothing you can do legally, and most people do not know what to say. I have two close friends who know what I am going through. My 14 year old daughter always preferred to be with me, even though she went to both homes. I am very laid back, my narcissistic ex husband is very volatile, always screaming at the kids, nothing anyone does is right. However, he also makes 3x what I make, he was able to remain in the family home, because I could not afford to stay there, and he can buy the kids anything they want. A month ago, my daughter told me that "dad helped me to understand that you have been abusive towards me and you are the reason for all of my anxiety". (She suffers from anxiety and has ADHD, and OCD.). I knew he was trash talking me to people. but I never thought he would go this far. It really is gaslighting and a form of abuse. My daughter now barely speaks to me, and refuses to come to my home. I agree with one of the comments that some kids can take advantage of your unconditional love, and at some point you will have to step away and not keep being treated so terribly. I am not at that point yet, but if this goes on for years, I do not know what I will do.

  • Comment Link Carl Tuesday, 26 September 2017 02:42 posted by Carl

    We are divorced with one son 17 now with shared custody. The alienation is ongoing and has progressed to her making him ask her permission to see me.

  • Comment Link Bevie Sunday, 10 September 2017 05:10 posted by Bevie

    My son tries to call his daughter and the vex says she don't want to talk to you.? Nothing happened to explain this .

  • Comment Link Jacqueline F. Partin (BREWER) Tuesday, 01 August 2017 19:52 posted by Jacqueline F. Partin (BREWER)

    My Husbands EX WIFE tried to shoot me in the face about 14 yrs ago. We were robbed by here family while we were out of state. She held a gun to my head and made me take of my dress right in front of my house and kidnapped her daughter after being served a restraining order for beating her daughter in the head with a hairbrush. Well we now live 2 house down from them and have had nothing but trouble. My car has been vandalized on 2 different occasions, my sons bikes stolen, my mail stolen, and my belongings from my house were also taken. Then despite all of this, after me pleading with my husband to not let my three children over there. Well he waits untill I LEAVE, and then tells them that they can. Let them on the porch and in my house, and talks to them but claims not to when I'm around. He let his daughter scream and yell at me and lie about shit that made no sense. But then when they are not around he will swear he loves ,me. Put money on my fines, and put me to work. I feel he is doing this on purpose. What are my options legally.
    We have 3 beautiful boys together. But I am stressed, pissed, confused, sad and depressed about the whole situation.

  • Comment Link Joey Sunday, 23 July 2017 14:18 posted by Joey

    I have been doing everything I have had to do as a dad for my kids since both my children where born, all the way through oct 2016 when our separation started. I had given her everything in the divorce including our home that we had built just 2 years ago. I don't understand why I'm still getting so much trouble from her even though I have agreed to do everything she has asked for and even to the no overnight stays leaving me only 16hrs with my kids starting every 1st, 3rd, and 5th Saturday mornings each month which I realistically may only get one time out the month because she makes up excuses saying she heard I'm on drugs or that she thinks I have them around my girlfriend which I don't because if I do then I won't get to see them at all due to the morality clause in the decree. It's really contradicting that she would say those things on the 1st Saturday when I'm suppose to pick them up being her excuse as to why I can't get the kids and yet the 3rd Saturday comes around and she's asking if I'm going to get the kids. I don't know how to deal with an ex like her and I'm trying so hard to stay in my kids lives but it's becoming too much to deal with her. I have lost so much time with my kids because of her lies and controlling ways. She thinks that she is doing no wrong and that it's me who is the problem. I am just now getting things in my life the way It was before since I had given her everything. She is going above and beyond just to make sure that I have nothing to do with our kids and it's been going on since we separated and even after our divorce in march until this day. So recently I've decided maybe it's best if I just give up my rights and give her exactly what she wants. I've read all these "what do" and "how to" articles on dealing with ex spouses like mine and yet I've done exactly that and yet no kind of change. The courts don't care about the dads much less listen or look at the evidence provided by the dads. I don't want to give up my rights but it looks as if it's the only thing that I should do.

  • Comment Link Too Much Loss Monday, 03 July 2017 01:59 posted by Too Much Loss

    @Feeling Childless, I know just how you feel. I'm sorry, but to say there's no such thing as a victim here is just unfair to those parents who have been on the receiving end of emotional blackmail, bullying, Stockholm syndrome, PAS, etc. My ex was not only angry, controlling, and wealthy, he worked in the family court system as well. When he teamed up with a cold, even more controlling third wife who was a rich as him, it was all over for me.

    It just never ends because your child comes to despise you and has rewritten history in his or her brain. I don't know if that wiring can ever be fixed. I am heartbroken, and few people outside of communities like this one understand. In my case, my own family participated in my child's alienation against me, so I don't even have support there.

    I really don't know what I did to deserve this. If I could do it again, I would marry my ex or have children with him. The pain of loss without closure or resolution is worse than death. Where are my friends bringing me casseroles and helping me put my life back together? Nowhere. I look like Don Quixote tilting at windmills in their eyes. Slowly, they have all slunk away. The gaslighting even works on them, directly or indirectly (my best friend from college is still friends with my ex but won't speak to me, go figure). There should be a dating service for parents who have been through this--no one else will ever get it.

  • Comment Link Brianna Michaels Saturday, 10 June 2017 08:11 posted by Brianna Michaels

    All this information I have lived with my children and read over and over again Yet the court system does not recognize this? Does anyone know an attorney that knows PAS or the new diagnosis " Pathogenic Parenting"? I am a Mom, a Pediatric RN and I don't raise my children because of lies, lack of money and a bullying paid under the table unethical attorney.
    Mommy with no children in Charlotte NC

  • Comment Link dksmom Sunday, 28 May 2017 21:52 posted by dksmom

    What do you need to file in court if this is happening to you?

    Brainwashing
    No Visitation
    No Child Support

  • Comment Link Cecile Hunt Sunday, 21 May 2017 14:20 posted by Cecile Hunt

    I have witnessed this type of alienation in my family between my sister and brother-in-law....the victims/ collateral being three children...the father, the custodial parent,had nothing positive/good to say about the mother (and was thus supported by his family in this alienation)..2 children turned against the mother (one viciouslyh)...the third was troubled but 'balanced' to both parents...The 'children' are now entering adulthood...my Sister has been constant in her love whether or not it was received/processed as such through the years...and the relationships are improving.
    Thank you for your article...it is true...we have 'lived' it.

  • Comment Link Marlene Arias Tuesday, 16 May 2017 04:31 posted by Marlene Arias

    On April 11 2017
    My ex husband used our 8 year old daughter who has lupus and lots of chest pain and autism spectrum.. to serve me to court.. And our 15 year old daughter is living with her dad who is my ex husban
    We also have a domestic violence in the past.and my 20 year old son who won't talk to me he also has autism spectrum.
    He has emotionally hurt my kids.
    My 15 year old when she was 11 years old dad had sloped her hard in the face and other time he had left in the street late at night 11pm at my apartment. She cried all night. Mar

  • Comment Link feeling childless Friday, 12 May 2017 17:32 posted by feeling childless

    interesting. however, I tend to believe that sometimes, children can use your unconditional love against you. it can make them believe it's ok to stay away from you and unite with the abusive parent because it's more convenient and less stressful at given times. and you are the loving parent, so you won't hold it against them.

    as far as behaving perfectly so as to show rather then tell them that you're a good person, even good people aren't perfect. what if, for example, you have been forced into a lifestyle that keeps you from being able to pay bills on time, every time? is economic status really what we want our kids to use to judge us based upon? often the abusive parent is wealthy, and appearances are all that matter to some. those kind of people often appear to be successful and have control over every area of life; however, they often want and need to have control for negative reasons. sometimes, those parents who don't "look good on paper" are the more loving and healthy (mentally speaking) parents. while you certainly want to lead a law-abiding life as an example, and avoid being a drunk or a drug abuser, we cannot all be perfect all the time. I just think it is more important to teach kids that people who treat others with respect and are not unkind to others are "good people". Parents cannot be perfect.

    Sadly, I am unsure that some of us can ever "win" in a situation where we have been badmouthed and ill-treated by a wealthy ex who had all the power in court and out of it. Even when they have been downright physically and mentally abusive to their kids, those kids may become adults who revere the abusive, but wealthy, parent, and choose to ignore and put down the more decent, kind parent who really loves them. at some point, the pain becomes too much to bear, and I think that sometimes you must walk away from the abuse of a child who doesn't respect or seem to love you. you can always leave the door open, by letting them know you are there for them, but to continually put up with and even invite the cruelty seems self destructive to me.

  • Comment Link Marggie Tuesday, 11 April 2017 17:31 posted by Marggie

    My husband is currently going through a situation like this with his ex. She's clearly manipulating their son, brags he calls some other guy dad and all my husband wants is to talk to his son. He went from being happy saying I love you to straight don't call me anymore I don't want to talk to you, he is only 5 years old. He's so innocent that I nor can anyone fathom that a 5 year old came to this direct conclusion and so fast. What he says is exactly what she says and we can hear her on the phone telling him what to say. She says my husband isn't considering how her son feels not their son, but hers. She takes all the money she wants, takes child support, but does not want my husband to have any say in his life. She's made it very apparent money is her priority. All we can think about is that she's manipulating their son to hate my husband. How could a mother want to teach their son hate? We know she's doing this so she has pull in the courts saying see my son doesn't want to talk to him, but again he's only 5. It's really frustrating and disheartening and we do not know what to do. Legally she cant keep them from talking according to his papers, but he's so convinced and coached we can't keep a longer conversation than 2 minutes. I just want to help my husband keep a relationship with his child instead of having to treat him like a paycheck because that's how we feel, that she can use us for money and get her way. It's terrible.

  • Comment Link Ericka Crawford Saturday, 01 April 2017 21:10 posted by Ericka Crawford

    My grandsons father is painting a bad pic of my daughter so much now that every time he comes back to her after a visit that he is angry or disrespectful at times toward her, that it seems like you have to deprogram him.

  • Comment Link Denise Gardner Monday, 27 March 2017 18:51 posted by Denise Gardner

    My ex won't let me talk to my girls. I pay child support and have a court order but he won't let me contact them. I don't have the money to fight him in court. He has been married at least 4 or 5 times since we have split. He brings different women in and out of my girls' lives and makes them call her mom. He has even went as low as to tell my younger girl that I was dead. He has close contact with my younger sister but I feel that she pays him so she is able to do so. I need to be able to contact them. I need help to get them back.

  • Comment Link Denise Gardner Monday, 27 March 2017 18:51 posted by Denise Gardner

    My ex won't let me talk to my girls. I pay child support and have a court order but he won't let me contact them. I don't have the money to fight him in court. He has been married at least 4 or 5 times since we have split. He brings different women in and out of my girls' lives and makes them call her mom. He has even went as low as to tell my younger girl that I was dead. He has close contact with my younger sister but I feel that she pays him so she is able to do so. I need to be able to contact them. I need help to get them back.

  • Comment Link victory Saturday, 25 March 2017 13:12 posted by victory

    My fiancé is going through hell right now with his ex wife and their children. In the beginning things were going really good. She didn't give us much trouble and the kids were amazing. The behavior didn't start to change until we bought a new house. The purpose of the house was to provide a more comfortable environment for the kids...not for bragging purposes. Well the ex wasn't happy, and shortly after began keeping the children away from my fiancé. It started subtly..shortening weekends..then eventually eliminating them totally. When he complained about it she blamed him for being inconsistent and abandoning her and the kids. Time passed and the kids started coming over again...which was great, but they were different. The youngest who was always respectful and sweet started acting out something terrible. Bouts of uncontrollable crying if she had to come over..rudeness and just overall horrible behavior. She eventually straightened herself up and things seemed ok, but now the oldest has become defiant and totally out of control. Just recently he had a sitdown with her and the mom about her behavior and the mom seemed on board with them putting up a united front when it comes to discipline. Two days later she gets defiant again, he spanks her..she tells the mom..now the mom is calling him crazy and abusive! This has turned into a nightmare for both of us. The mother in my opinion is the catalyst to all of this. These children had a great relationship with their father up until November. Its sad that jealous, resentment and unresolved feelings have lead to this. Im trying my best to encourage him to not give up on his kids, but hes so hurt by everything that's going on..i think hes got 1 foot out the door already..

  • Comment Link JON Tuesday, 14 March 2017 01:13 posted by JON

    HELP ME PLEASE...!

  • Comment Link Stacy Monday, 06 March 2017 07:09 posted by Stacy

    How can we get help with this? My husband and I have spent 1000's of dollars going to court and mediations. We can't get ANYONE to listen to us. We just need ONE person to listen to us. To help us. We have gone broke and went through our savings, we are now trying to file appeals on our own. He feels hopeless, drained and emotionally beat up. If you have ANY advice of where to go to get help, we would GREATLY appreciate any and all help.

  • Comment Link cholder33 Friday, 03 March 2017 14:37 posted by cholder33

    how do you assemble a team when your children have the child attorney and he doesn't do a thing despite me bring this up over the 4 years of divorce. But its still happening now.
    How do I approach the children's attorney?
    How can I get rid of this court appointed attorney the children have?

  • Comment Link Melissa cosentino Thursday, 09 February 2017 16:38 posted by Melissa cosentino

    This has really helped me as this is exactly what my ex has done to my son at the age of 11 and is now done the same with my 11 year old daughter ' l thought l was going insane as l have been accused of things that is not true my ex has had great pleasure in making me feel so low as he knows my kids are so impotent to me

  • Comment Link Eileen Saturday, 21 January 2017 08:02 posted by Eileen

    It is hard to do any of these things especially when you do not have access to your child. Next # 2 holding myself to the highest standard of conduct , did NOTHING for me in the Courts. The Alienator made up Accusations while paying off the Courts and the Court Appointed Custody Evaluator.

  • Comment Link Luke Grabove Thursday, 19 January 2017 15:18 posted by Luke Grabove

    Powerful tools, I have been a single dad for almost 5 years. My ex has recently come back and tried to build a relationship with our 15 year old who has shown all of these tell tale signs, and I can tell you it's been hard to go through this.
    This will definitely help with the struggles.

  • Comment Link frustrated Sunday, 15 January 2017 23:01 posted by frustrated

    how in the world is alowing this to go on unaddressed at the source in the best interest of the children.

  • Comment Link Katherine Theofanis Monday, 09 January 2017 09:32 posted by Katherine Theofanis

    My 13 year old son has been separated from me for nearly 5 years, and is brainwashed.
    I need specificlly advice on how to handle post-separation resistance, since his father instructs him to run away and hide from me.
    Thanks

  • Comment Link Cynthia Pettey Wednesday, 28 December 2016 05:51 posted by Cynthia Pettey

    My husband's ex-wife is cutting off all communication between his oldest daughter who is 14. My husband and his daughter use to chat often on her cell phone but when his ex wanted us to pay the bill all of sudden he couldn't call her on her cell any more he had to call his ex's phone if he wanted to speak to his children.

    His daughter and him also liked chatting through social media like snap chat, insta-gram and facebook. His ex went through his daughter's accounts and removed him from all of them. Then his daughter went and made a new insta-gram and added him back to the account. A month later he was removed again.

    Now keep in mind his parents, even my mom and sister and loads of his family are also on her social media accounts but the only person removed was him.

    Then today we got a text message... not a phone call... nothing like that... but a text message that his daughter wants to be adopted by her step-father.

    His Ex texted us today stating "She came to us about 2 months ago asking if she could be adopted"

    The alienation started about 2 months ago.

    His daughter doesn't understand why her Dad doesn't call her anymore. His Ex doesn't let them speak. Even when he does call her cell.

    The other odd thing is she is only doing this with his oldest daughter... they have two daughters together.

    At 14 she can choose where and who she wants to live with... since she turned 14 things have gotten weird and with each passing month they cut her off from us more and more.

    We live in Georgia and the kids are in Kentucky. Is there anything we can do? The child custody agreement requires he speak to them 3 days a week... how can we enforce this?

    When my husband refused to give up his daughter to be adopted by her step-father... the step-father texted my husband and threaten to come after him. I don't what mind games they are doing with this innocent child but there has to be something we can do.

    As with most people we are not where we can afford a lawyer right now but is there any child groups or someone who can step in and protect his daughter from this kind of physiological abuse on the part of her mother and step-father. What can we do to protector?

    Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated

  • Comment Link Dad Wednesday, 14 December 2016 14:42 posted by Dad

    At first i thought my wife was a vindictive cunt because of what she put my child through. Then after many hours of research i realize it can only be BPD. I feel for my wife because she wont get help and is angry almost every waking moment. My daughter refers to her only as the devil. I told her its not moms fault.

  • Comment Link Justin start Friday, 09 December 2016 19:41 posted by Justin start

    tryingtogethimback my heart goes out to you mate i cant believe just how much someone can be let down sold short and ripped off. I left my narcissistic wife 5 years ago and the bullshit started 2 years after i left because the kids wanted to live with me ...i haven't spoke to them in 2 month and i am just about to lose it or hurt myself im a good dad and i love being that man for them im getting my ducks all in a row to go back to court now and i will never give up your story is one more reason as to why i see myself as so so lucky. .im so sorry for the pain you have to go through because of your exes short commings hang in there mate i will be telling your story and how much of a strong man you must be

  • Comment Link tammy Sunday, 04 December 2016 16:53 posted by tammy

    What do you do when you give your child everything she needs and you let her stay with her friends on your weekends and she calls your ex to bring her home.every weekend you have her.then she makes you sound like the crazy parent because she keeps calling you ex? And he believes every word that comes from her mouth.he keeps telling her she will be living with him soon when he gets his self apartment. What can I do with my daughter. And my ex my heart is broken both ways.

  • Comment Link waiting for tide to turn Tuesday, 29 November 2016 23:15 posted by waiting for tide to turn

    i am the one with full custody with the onslought of my sons chaos thru dad. i dont blame him, ive become very quiet, the life is draining right out of me. the severe outbursts after visitation that goes on for hours only to leave him in my arms sobbing till he falls asleep. at 13. i hold my head high. tonight we caught him taking our personal documents out the door to dad with my phone. omg this is getting so insane and scary.

  • Comment Link tryingtogethimback Saturday, 12 November 2016 16:33 posted by tryingtogethimback

    My ex and I broke up when my son was 6 mnths old. out of spite she moved and kept my son from me for 2 yrs. after I finally convinced her parents to let me back into his life ( she lived with them and was using again) They went to court to gain custody of my son. I tried to fight it but didn't have a lawyer and did have a tainted past. they also used the 2 years I couldn't see my son against me. The judge was a personal friend of the family as well... I asked for a new judge but that was also denied. I didn't understand my rights as a father and wish I had fought harder but ultimately they were awarded custody and I ended up with supervised visitation!! its been 7 years and I have tried three times to go through the process of testing and paperwork to get more time and unsupervised with my son. once I was told the funding for my case had run out (?) once they lost the paper work and once I unfortunately let the ball drop. both times they denied me it was late in the process and very frustrating... but once again I am trying to get my son back. his mother is in jail again... and has been multiple times. she has also been to multiple rehabs and has also lost custody of her second child that also went to her parents, which doesn't matter to her because she also lives with her parents. I know I should have a lawyer but I cant afford one. I guess I'm just wondering what I can do to assure I don't get a raw deal again. I have been actively involved in my sons life since the day I saw him after the 2 years she kept him from me. I am a month ahead on my child support and have never missed a weekend. They (the grandparents) let me have my son often and never worry about "supervised" anymore, but still maintain all control over my sons life and our relationship. When I told them I was starting the process again they were ok with it at first until their daughter called from jail and freaked out. then they begged me not to and even acted like she and I should get back together!!! his mother called while I was dropping him off and started screaming and cursing at me. I just want this to be done with. any advise? I know I should have a lawyer but I cant afford one right now. I just want my son. I'm his father and I have a right to raise my son without someone over my shoulder threatening my right to him.

  • Comment Link Michael Sunday, 06 November 2016 20:12 posted by Michael

    My Name is Mike. I have a case where my son was taken away from me while i was away he was 3 yrs old at thr time .i saw him once in person when he was 7 his mom didnt give him a good imptession at that moment since the i only have telephone an Postal comunication.
    My son is now 18 he doesnt say much or speak unless i say something his phone that we have contact on has never had a voice mail set up, His mom to me to Court for child costudy which was grandted to her as costodial parent we live in two different States VA & NY.The House phone is monitored whenever i call. His mom uses that same phone to prank txt as thou it was my son asking for stuff. This is a major case of calculated Alienation & abuse my son is hearing impaired with a coclear implant. Whats the legal step to take with this issue

  • Comment Link Cindy Delorme Friday, 28 October 2016 17:28 posted by Cindy Delorme

    A very uplifting message of what to do when we feel the fear of being alienated from our children. Thankyou. I have done this over the years-taken the high road and not letting myself be beaten up by this terrible vengefulness. I always tell my boys I love them, I am there for them no matter what and then I let it be because the truth will come through one day.

  • Comment Link Greg Tuesday, 25 October 2016 08:38 posted by Greg

    Well no affense and not really angry just sick of everytime I type something on i the internet my whole life mostly recently for help now that my 20 year old son died and I'm a 45 year old man who had custody of him for a while and went back and forth between him and his mother mother and I are getting along great now thank God now I can't get along with my wife I've changed completely not that I was a bad person but everybody has bad things that they can work on we have just very minor two things that can be fixed so easily communication wise with that aside I think I got off track I'm so very upset that everytime I go online all I see is everything about the woman I've just about had it now I'm fighting for my son's rights lost half of his Ashes to a psycho almost ex-wife but she wouldn't sign the papers now we will lose everything and I'm losing my business for 20 years that he was supposed to take over I just want to die not including the massive migraine headaches I have 24/7 a day for 10 years I have taken my life alone along with burning on fire in the head I'm sorry if my typing is bad I'm talking into my phone and I really don't care I'm going to try to go back and read this I just wish somebody would put aside up a whole page when you type in men that would just come up as men you guys don't realize this sucks search New Mexico laws and everything else oh and let's not forget the fact that I type in it my son passed away and I'm a father and drug rehab comes up really well

  • Comment Link Clarence Geirge Saturday, 15 October 2016 23:08 posted by Clarence Geirge

    This advice pretty supposes you have access to your child. What I'found alienation has gone on for years before the alienator ex husband uses his full influence at the teenage time? Using a one off argument to remove kids on temporary basis...stay with dad for a while. ..then moves their school cos he has PR and I never see them again? Yes tried mediation twice...in UK. ..he refused. Kid are gillie competent and too old for court. My family are estranged too. Hey loved my dad who attended all fathers day parades when ex refused. Ex never interested until after ten years divorce I met someone! Kids never spoke to me or family on three years now. Yet I bought thru up. They now 16 & 20. I feel I have no hope and can't relay all cruelties my ex has displayed since I left violence in 2002 as it would bore readers. So I am sorry for my holden who don't have a Mum. Sorry we lost a great relationship over one teen argument....no violence used...but ex doesn't update me. I don't see kids. Worked part time to bring them up. Small pension and ex has whole pension n money. He has never met anyone else. I have no knowledge of kids as too old 3 years later. All advice give supposes the alienated parent still has contact. I have no contact yet have never abused anyone. Obsessed alienation is unrecoverable I'm told. No hope then?

  • Comment Link SANDRA NOLAN Monday, 26 September 2016 17:11 posted by SANDRA NOLAN

    CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN HAVE CUT US OUT BECAUSE WE WON'T ASSOCIATE WITH FATHER AFTER HE RAPED AND BEAT THEIR MOTHER AND HELD CHILD SUPPORT FOR 20YRS, AND MARRIED A STRIPPER . GRANDMA CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE,...GREAT GRANDCHILD IS KEPT AWAY AND MOMS SISTER IS TAKING OVER BEING GRANDMA.....PLEASE HELP ME

  • Comment Link Michelle Monday, 26 September 2016 04:29 posted by Michelle

    This may sound weird but my ex has alienated my adult children from me. I have six sons. Five of them want nothing to do with me. For the past 6 years they have hardly seen me. Their father remarried and has four young kids. My sons are always at his house helping him out and babysitting the kids. I understand that they are their half brothers and sisters and they need to have a relationship with them too. But why does it have to be a choice, me or him. Sometimes I feel suicidal about this. I love my kids and I was very close with them. As holiday times come closer it's even harder. The boys buy gifts for their step mother and even visit her family when they reject my sisters and all their cousins on my side of the family. My mother turned 86 yesterday and not one of my kids even called her to say happy birthday. She hasn't seen most of them for years. Yet they visit my ex husbands parents regularly, at least monthly. I'll never understand what happened for things to turn out this way. My ex cheated on me and walked out when the kids were little. For ten years I mostly raised them on my own. I think I've given up on hoping they will come back. I just hope I die soon coz I hate living this way.

  • Comment Link Mark Anker Wednesday, 21 September 2016 21:24 posted by Mark Anker

    My ex-wife has turned my 2 girls against me, I having seen them in nearly e years now. I message them on a daily basis to tell them none of this is their fault and I am not mad at them, I also let them know how much I love them and would come back home if I could have any sort of anything with them! I drive truck and stop in town every chance I can, they are in Minnesota.I often wonder if I should quit and have a job closer to them, but it kills me being there without ANY communication from my kids! ANY ADVICE! I have spent thousands of $ on lawyers but only to get my child support raised, which leaves my stuck driving truck to pay her!
    ADVICE....PLEASE!!!! THEY NEED THEIR FATHER AND I NEED THEM! We divorcedbecause she had multiple affairs, my kids were with me about 90% of the time, no exaggeration, and wanted to be with me, but 7 yrs after we divorced, I started seeing a woman, and EVERYTHING WENT TO HELL!!!!
    AGAIN....ANY ADVICE???....PLEASE???

  • Comment Link Momma against Parental Alienation Wednesday, 14 September 2016 02:10 posted by Momma against Parental Alienation

    I was alienated from my child for over a year. There is a child abduction recovery unit in every county. They enforce the court order free of charge and will recover your child. This is how I finally got my child back after almost a year of coached failed attempts to retrieve the child blocked calls you name it. The Family court system is a joke and child advocates Minors Counsel in this case seemed to close their eyes and support the alienator. I was in court 10 times in a year and not one time did the court order my children back. I had done nothing wrong. The Family Court System was of no assistance until the DA stepped in. 10 court appearance and the children were never returned. The DA recovery unit now these are the people that get it. Their job is to enforce the court order and they will do that and get the child back to you. This department specializes in this and enforcing the orders. I have attached a list for all your parents who are at your wits end with the court system. I am hopeful this list will be a benefit to some of you. No one told me about this I searched and found the info by an act of God. Good luck hold on tight your children need you and want you despite the things they state to you at the alienators request. Remember it is not your child and every encounter you get with them tell them you love them and never blame them. Just keep telling them you love them even when they refuse you stay calm and tell them you love them and they will be home soon. They are innocent little victims. God bless -

    State Wide Resources

    California District Attorney Child Abduction Units by County

    Who should call & why

    Victim Parents– Report missing child, Update case status
    Law Enforcement- Report missing child, Update case status
    General Public- Prevention information
    Non-Profit Organization- Report missing child, Update case status

    Phone numbers can change without notice. If you cannot reach the county's child abduction unit call 411/information or contact the District Attorney's main office and ask for the child abduction unit or investigator. If there is no investigator, you may be asked to contact law enforcement directly.

    *Indicates District Attorney's office does not have a child abduction unit, however may have investigators assigned to child abduction cases.


    Alameda
    470 27th Street
    Oakland, CA 94612
    (510) 267-8800 ph.
    (510) 267-8809 fax

    Alpine*
    270 Laramie Street
    P.O. Box 248
    Markleville, CA 96120
    (530) 694-2971 ph.
    (530) 694-2980 fax

    Amador*
    708 Court St., Suite 202
    Jackson, CA 95642
    (209) 223-6444 ph.
    (209) 223-6304 fax

    Butte
    3-B County Center Drive
    Oroville, CA 95965
    (530) 538-6540 ph.
    (530) 538-2124 fax

    Calaveras*
    891 Mountain Ranch Road
    San Andreas, CA 95249
    (209) 754-6330 ph.
    (209) 754-6645 fax

    Colusa
    346 5th Street, Suite 101
    Colusa, CA 95932
    (530) 458-0545 ph.
    (530) 458-0518 fax

    Contra Costa*
    900 Ward Street, 4th Floor
    Martinez, CA 94553
    (925) 957-2200 ph.
    (925) 646-4683 fax

    Del Norte*
    450 H Street, Room 171
    Crescent City, CA 95531
    (707) 464-7210 ph.
    (707) 465-6609 fax

    El Dorado
    Lake Tahoe Office
    1360 Johnson, Suite 105
    South Lake Tahoe, CA 96150
    (530) 573-3100 ph.
    (530) 544-6413 fax

    El Dorado
    Placerville Office
    515 Main Street
    Placerville, CA 94667
    (530) 621-6472 ph.
    (530) 621-1280 fax

    Fresno*
    2220 Tulare Street, Suite 1000
    Fresno, CA 93721
    (559) 600-3141 ph.
    (559) 600-4401 fax

    Glenn*
    540 W. Sycamore St.
    P.O. Box 430
    Willows, CA 95988
    (530) 934-6525 ph.
    (530) 934-6529 fax

    Humboldt*
    825 5th Street, 4th Floor
    Eureka, CA 95501
    (707) 445-7411 ph.
    (707) 445-7416 fax

    Imperial*
    940 West Main Street, Ste. 102
    El Centro, CA 92243
    (760) 482-4331 ph.
    (760) 352-4474 fax

    Inyo*
    230 W. Line St.
    Bishop, CA 93514
    (760) 873-6667 ph.
    (760) 873-8359 fax

    Kern
    1215 Truxtun Avenue, 4th Floor
    Bakersfield, CA 93301
    (661) 868-2340 ph.
    (661) 868-2700 fax

    Kings
    1400 W. Lacey Blvd.
    Hanford, CA 93230
    (559) 582-0326 ph.
    (559) 583-9650 fax

    Lake
    255 N. Forbes Street
    Lakeport, CA 95453
    (707) 263-2251 ph.
    (707) 263-2328 fax

    Lassen*
    220 S. Lassen Street, Suite 8
    Susanville, CA 96130
    (530) 251-8284 ph.
    (530) 251-2692 fax

    Los Angeles
    320 W. Temple Street, Room 780
    Los Angeles, CA 90012
    (213) 974-7424 ph.
    (213) 613-2702 fax

    Madera*
    209 West Yosemite Avenue
    Madera, CA 93637
    (559) 675-7726 ph.
    (559) 673-0430 fax

    Marin
    3501 Civic Center Drive, Room 130
    San Rafael, CA 94903
    (415) 499-6450 ph.
    (415) 499-7015 fax

    Mariposa*
    5101 Jones St.
    P.O. Box 730
    Mariposa, CA 95338
    (209) 966-3626 ph.
    (209) 966-5681 fax

    Mendocino
    P.O. Box 1000
    Ukiah, CA 95482
    (707) 463-4211 ph.
    (707) 463-4687 fax

    Merced
    550 W. Main St.
    Merced, CA 95340
    (209) 385-7381 ph.
    (209) 725-3669 fax

    Modoc*
    204 S. Court Street, Room 202
    Alturas, CA 96101
    (530) 233-6212 ph.
    (530) 233-4067 fax

    Mono*
    P.O. Box 2053
    Mammoth Lakes, CA 93546
    (760) 924-1710 ph.
    (760) 924-1711 fax

    Monterey
    P.O. Box 1131
    Salinas, CA 93902
    (831) 755-5070 ph.
    (831) 755-5068 fax

    Napa
    931 Parkway Mall
    Napa, CA 94559
    (707) 253-4211 ph.
    (707) 299-1448 fax

    Nevada
    110 Union Street
    Nevada City, CA 95959
    (530) 265-1301 ph.
    (530) 478-1871 fax


    Orange
    401 Civic Center Drive
    Santa Ana, CA 92701
    (714) 347-8569 ph.
    (714) 834-4344 fax

    Placer*
    10810 Justice Center Drive, Suite 240
    Roseville, CA 95678
    (530) 543-8000 ph.
    (530) 543-2550 fax

    Plumas*
    520 Main Street, Room 404
    Quincy, CA 95971
    (530) 283-6303 ph.
    (530) 283-6340 fax

    Riverside
    3960 Orange Street, 2nd Floor
    Riverside, CA 92501
    (909) 955-5659 ph.
    (909) 955-4271 fax

    Sacramento*
    906 G Street, Suite 620
    Sacramento, CA 95814
    (916) 874-8750 ph.
    (916) 874-8749 fax

    San Benito*
    419 Fourth Street
    Hollister, CA 95023
    (831) 636-4120 ph.
    (831) 636-4126 fax

    San Bernardino
    412 W. Hospitality Lane, Suite 301
    San Bernardino, CA 92415
    (909) 891-3532 ph.
    (909) 891-3528 fax

    San Diego
    330 W. Broadway, 12th Floor
    San Diego, CA 92101
    (619) 531-4345 ph.
    (619) 685-6665 fax

    San Francisco
    850 Bryant Street, Room 322
    San Francisco, CA 94103
    (415) 553-1751 ph.
    (415) 575-8815 fax

    San Joaquin
    222 E. Webber Avenue, 7th Floor
    Stockton, CA 95202
    (209) 468-2400 ph.
    (209) 468-3642 fax

    San Luis Obispo
    County Government Center
    1050 Monterey Street, Room 450
    San Luis Obispo, CA 93408
    (805) 781-5800 ph.
    (805) 781-4307 fax

    San Mateo
    400 County Center, 3rd Floor
    Redwood City, CA 94063
    (650) 363-4636 ph.
    (650) 363-4873 fax

    Santa Barbara
    South County
    1112 Santa Barbara Street
    Santa Barbara, CA 93101
    (805) 568-2300 ph.
    (805) 560-1049 fax

    Santa Barbara
    North County
    312-D E. Cook Street
    Santa Maria, CA 93454
    (805) 346-7540 ph.
    (805) 346-7588 fax

    Santa Clara
    70 W. Hedding, 3rd Floor
    San Jose, CA 95110
    (408) 288-7400 ph.
    (408) 297-9910 fax

    Santa Cruz
    701 Ocean Street, Room 200
    Santa Cruz, CA 95060
    (831) 454-2400 ph.
    (831) 454-2227 fax

    Shasta
    1525 Court Street, 3rd Floor
    Redding, CA 96001
    (530) 225-5483 ph.
    (530) 245-6319 fax

    Sierra
    100 Courthouse Square, 2nd Floor
    Downieville, CA 95936
    (530) 289-3269 ph.
    (530) 289-2822 fax

    Siskiyou*
    P.O. Box 986
    Yreka, CA 96097
    (530) 842-8125 ph.
    (530) 842-0150 fax

    Solano*
    675 Texas Street, Suite 4500
    Fairfield, CA 94533
    (707) 784-6800 ph.
    (707) 784-7539 fax

    Sonoma*
    600 Administration Drive, Room 212J
    Santa Rosa, CA 95403
    (707) 565-2011 ph.
    (707) 565-3104 fax

    Stanislaus
    832 12th Street, Suite 300
    Modesto, CA 95354
    (209) 525-6930 ph.
    (209) 588-4046 fax

    Sutter
    446 2nd Street
    Yuba City, CA 95991
    (530) 822-7330 ph.
    (530) 822-7337 fax

    Tehama*
    633 Washington St., Room 33
    Red Bluff, CA 96080
    (530) 529-3590 ph.
    (530) 529-6724 fax

    Trinity*
    11 Court St.
    P.O. Box 1310
    Weaverville, CA 96093
    (530) 623-1304 ph.
    (530) 623-2865 fax

    Tulare
    221 S. Mooney Blvd., Room 224
    Visalia, CA 92391
    (559) 636-5494 ph.
    (559) 730-2658 fax

    Tuolumne
    423 N. Washington Street
    Sonora, CA 95370
    (209) 588-5450 ph.
    (209) 588-5445 fax

    Ventura
    5720 Ralston Street, Suite 300
    Ventura, CA 93003
    (805) 662-1755 ph.
    (805) 662-1770 fax

    Yolo
    301 Second Street
    Woodland, CA 95695
    (530) 666-8400 ph.
    (530) 666-8399 fax

    Yuba
    215 Fifth Street
    Marysville, CA 95901
    (530) 749-7770 ph.
    (530) 749-7363 fax

    Back to Top

  • Comment Link CAR Saturday, 27 August 2016 14:24 posted by CAR

    Edwin Walker take her to court before it's too late!! You do not need a lawyer to go to court, you can be self represented. My boyfriend just went through a though divorce and still going threw some tough things with her alienating their oldest son. If you open a case before she does, most of the time judges like that. We made the mistake in waiting and then finally she opened the case, the judge favored her and readily admitted to my boyfriend that if he would have opened the case, he would have favored him and actually granted him 50/50 custody right off the bat.

  • Comment Link Edwin walker Friday, 05 August 2016 00:11 posted by Edwin walker

    My ex is court ordered to bring my son to fl, but she is hiding in ny somewares and won't let me have any contact with my son he is only 1 years old and I can't afford a lawyer anymore what can I do to get my son back in my life . She is keeping him from me to hurt me

  • Comment Link Rachel Friday, 15 July 2016 19:58 posted by Rachel

    My parrtner walked out with my son after a incident which was not nice there was a lot of problems in the house with myself and teenage girls he moved in when they were 7-10 things changed drastically with the girls and I was terribly UN happy so was the girls his controlling ways affected us all he never physically hurt me but I was scared of him he had away about him and a look...he is also very clever and done things in a way anyway I've not seen my 7 year-old son for nearly a year he just keeps telling me that he don't want to see me I tryed seeing him Christmas day but he ran away and barricaded himself in his room it complete devasted me and still to this day my heart is completely broken I just don't understand he dosnt want to see any of my family Nan grandad auntie uncle he hates us all all I want is my son back just don't know how

  • Comment Link D Price Saturday, 25 June 2016 13:00 posted by D Price

    I am assuming by your omission that you do not recommend discussing the other parent or his/her actions with your child. (Even though it is hurting your child?) Please elaborate.
    Thanks.

  • Comment Link Patricia Thursday, 23 June 2016 15:45 posted by Patricia

    This is happening to me now. My ex husband's brother and his wife (childless) are enticing my children with money and working hard to cut me out of my children's lives. My ex mother in law did the same thing to her husband. And her son (the childless one) helped her to hurt and belittle and alienate his father, to the point of physically beating on his father.
    It helps to post.
    I remind myself that my ex's family can never take my love for my children.
    I raised my children and struggled financially. I'm still working hard, for myself and for my children (all adults now, living on their own).
    I'm trying too, to build a life for myself, that hopefully will include a significant other. It's been a long time. All my time and energy went into raising my children; surviving financially and getting them into extra-curricular activities.
    Remember that the best thing you can do for your children and for yourself, now, is to care for yourself. Exercise, eat healthy, have contact with positive others.
    Time will tell, what will unfold next in your life.
    Walk tall through the storm.
    Write; keep a journal. It's good for you. And your kids may read it some day.
    Work on your spiritual side. I find spending time in natural surroundings helps immensely.
    - Take care of you.

  • Comment Link Dave Tuesday, 21 June 2016 08:18 posted by Dave

    A few weeks ago my 13 year old son turned against me overnight. One day I picked him up from school and we came home and joked around and had a lot of fun like we have all his life. The very next day I picked him up and on the ride home he didn't say a word. We got home and he just looked at me like I was an axe murderer and went outside and stayed there till his mother got home. This continued everyday for a week or so and I was at a loss what happened. So I sat him down I talked to him and all he could do was look at the floor and mubled something about that I didn't ask him what he was doing which I think he meant I wasn't asking him about what was going on in his life like school and other activities. My heart broke because I had not changed and was the same dad I was since he was born. Needless to say my wife left me 2 weeks ago saying she needed a break and needed some time. She took him and is now living with her Uncle who raised her most of her life after not having a father and being abandened by her mother. We will be married 18 years next month and her uncle has never liked me from the time we first started dating. This overnight change took place at the same time my son started spending a lot of time at her uncles. I believe her uncle poisoned his mind against me and then used him to get my wife to leave me. My wife is still very angry with me 2 weeks later and I don't know what's going to happen because she won't talk to me but the little contact I've had with her she just says she needs time. I am afraid that her uncle is now poisoning her mind against me more and more everyday along with my son. I fear that both of them are being pulled father away from me everyday by this poor excuse of a human being called uncle giving me less and less of a chance of reconciling with my wife and getting my family back. I have texted my son and left voicemails several times and telling him I love him and am here and if he feels like talking to call or text me anytime day or night get no response. I called to try and talk to my wife but her uncle answered and he wouldn't put her on the phone. I talked with her uncle a bit and said I am very hurt that my son won't text me back. I told him I just asked my son to text me "I'm OK" and nothing more but he won't even do that and all I asked was for was 2 words. The uncle says that I should know he's ok and says "as a matter of fact he's better than ok and is doing fine and I haven't seen him this happy in a long time". What he didn't understand was it wasn't what the 2 words meant but instead told me that if he did text those 2 words it meant I might be starting to break through. So I asked again if he could just ask him to do that and the next day I get a text "Hi dad I'm ok, in fact I am better than ok and doing just fine". Guess the uncle thinks I'm pretty stupid. The only thing is I am hesitent to text anymore because I was told that the texting was pushing my wife farther away which I don't want to as the agreement was I was to give her space and not contact her until she is ready. I don't want to lose my son but it's so important to put my marriage back together and don't want to destroy any chance I have at doing that at this time. I am confused and my life is so painful everyday being without both of them.

  • Comment Link Scarlet Monday, 20 June 2016 23:40 posted by Scarlet

    My husband has been dealing with this from his ex wife and his children with her. She left him for a married man( his wife busted them ) moved the three boys into an apartment the married man owned. Lived as the side piece and the boys were collateral.

    She acted as a court representative for the divorce ( which took 8 years to conclude. He wouldn't divorce his wife )

    We married one year after their divorce was final. We have a stable home, have always accepted the boys, buy their clothes, furniture, education, sports equipment, cars, gas money, etc etc etc. The ex got a quarter of a million dollars in settlement money and 3,000 a month in child support. The kids resent us because they feel they didn't get enough money / or stuff. (?)

    Now, the ex and the ex's bf are both filing bankruptcy, they speak horribly about us, alienate my husband from his children. For example, they choose to be with the married guy for father's day and don't send a card or call their real dad.

    My husband, the real Dad is terrified of therm, thinks that if he doesn't rock the boat they will still come around. They dos, but when they do they steal and ask us for money. they accuse us of not caring about them and being selfish. They say that we are rich ( we're not, but we are well off. We work hard ) and we owe them.

    The ex wife makes up cruel lies about both of us, how we spend money on ourselves and ignore the kids. This is actually laughable because we are the ones who buy them everything. The ex wife sent the one boy to college with a dog soaked urine matters from the barn that a dog slept on. He didn't even get a nice new mattress. We found out and express shipped him a new mattress.

    My point is, parental alienation is out there. It is a nightmare to deal with, especially if you are the second wife and you care about helping the children and the mother is highly dysfunctional.

    It is horrific and sad and anger inducing and simply a nightmare.

  • Comment Link Christi Saturday, 18 June 2016 18:31 posted by Christi

    My husband took my kids to his parents without my knowledge and won't bring them back. I was srved divorce papers the next day. He says I can see them there. But if they want to come home with me, how can he stop me?

  • Comment Link Tracy saphiloff Thursday, 02 June 2016 04:51 posted by Tracy saphiloff

    I have been struggling with parent alienation for almost ten years. It wasn't until recently that I was able to put a name on this behavior. I want more than anything to be in my sons life again. After several different court battles and exhausting all my resources, the end result has been the most traumatic experience of my life. Long story short is that after telling my ex husband that I would have him held in contempt for the second time if he continued to keep our son from seeing me, he turned around and had me served with papers to completely terminate my parental rights. At the end of the final hearing, the judge made us all believe that I would get what I was asking for. All I wanted was for my son and I to start counseling and to regain the visitation we were denied by my ex. When we came to court for her decision, I was appalled. My ex and his attorney were laughing and celebrating in the hall before the decision. Once we were in the court room, the judge did a 180 and placed a no contact order on me until my son is 18 years old. I am at a loss for anything more I can do. There is no basis for her decision. I am a very good and loving mom. I have never and would never do anything to harm my son or any other child for that matter. I love children and they love me. I'm not sure if the judge was paid off or what happened. All I know is I am devistated.

  • Comment Link SAD RAY Sunday, 15 May 2016 06:55 posted by SAD RAY

    Been going to court for over 18 months wife got me out of my home by lying o gt Restraining order told court I was verbally abusive and my 5 step kids and one little girl over the year have taken second place she as rough A450 boyfriend moved in who had problems with cps
    Janes been seeing me on Thursday 3-8/at 9-6 on Saturday/following week 9-6 suday
    its 56 ours a month and I did nothing but love hem
    janes acting strange withdrawing and talking a lot more sexual is she getting molested

  • Comment Link jo Tuesday, 10 May 2016 17:59 posted by jo

    I had a custody from helll in the 90's to 2005 which left my kids suicidal now I am labeled crazy mom. There is an article "mother's interrupted.

  • Comment Link Shannon Denton Monday, 09 May 2016 06:10 posted by Shannon Denton

    This is happening to me and I don't know how to stop it. It hurts beyond belief. My ex-husband has totally brainwashed all my kids against me. Even though they are older teens, they have been totally poisoned against me by their father. What can I do. This is easier said then done.

  • Comment Link C.c. Friday, 06 May 2016 21:20 posted by C.c.

    Ex won't let me check my son's phone and he's on FaceTime face chat Facebook and this little girl he's dating is it's gotten really bad

  • Comment Link G Beals Monday, 04 April 2016 13:31 posted by G Beals

    I am a support person to a mother going through this.
    What legal action can leverage the alienated parent through the family court.
    What resource can be used to connect to experts willing
    to provide services at discount for insolvent litigants?

  • Comment Link Sarah Sanborn Saturday, 02 April 2016 19:47 posted by Sarah Sanborn

    Hi
    I'm a bit heartbroken that my son has been gone for a month now to the alienating parent dad and stepmom using parental alienation and are allowing my son to decide to not come home. If I get full custody which I feel is needed to regain the reunificationwe`ll have to have. Do you have any suggestions about winning custody back? My son is 12.5 and has written a Dec. Stating so many hurtful untruths about my fiance and I are hurting him and causing his stomach pain...
    But I think he's stress Ed about not being near the alienating parents for fear he`ll get in trouble for some reason.

    Any tips? We have a court hearing where by the dad is in contempt for violating the 50,\50 custody. I am looking forward to bonding with my son but apparently he's threateningly to run away...if he is to come live with us. I don't understand what is going on...
    Thank you,
    Sarah Rachel

  • Comment Link ang Tuesday, 22 March 2016 17:39 posted by ang

    I would like to ask if there are any rules for a parent ho is at her wits end because her ex husband has cause quite the rift in their parenting relationship. First of one of their sons died in his care due to utter negligence and then proceeded to demand that she need gain his trust back. Also after primary care was given to her she feels punished for his mistakes. Not only was a marriage broken through adultery but she was texted by her ex letting her know that her son drowned. Yet each and every day that her other son does not want to be with his dad she has to swallow her pride and tells him that it is not right and he only has one father to love. Not sure if this would be the proper forum to address this? But it does get to be alienating.

  • Comment Link Linda Tuesday, 22 March 2016 16:22 posted by Linda

    His ex wife is turning their son against me. What can or should we do? I love and care for his son and have never done anything bad to him. It breaks my heart that she is doing this to us.

  • Comment Link Holly Bignell Tuesday, 15 March 2016 18:51 posted by Holly Bignell

    Im the targeted parent and my husband is the parent alienator. We have been divorced since 11/19/008. My x husband went camping every year with his father and mother side of the family so i allowed my children to go with their dad so we could keep it simple as possible for my children and so he picked them up on friday 8/28/2008 and never brought them home 8/30/2008 at 5pm so I was given hand delivered divorce papers that following Wednesday and my children were kept from me til I signed the marital settlement and I only saw my children for an hour 10/2008 than he left. I didn't get to see my children again til 11/19/2008 and 12/8/08 was when I started getting my children on a regular everyother weekend basis than that stopped. My x boyfriend gad some serious criminal charges he was facing because of me being around there they thought I was part of it and had me arrested. 1/12/2012 my x husband made my nightmare a reality and suspended my visitations with my children....

  • Comment Link Corilynn Wednesday, 09 March 2016 19:54 posted by Corilynn

    What if your ex refuses to let you see the children, changed their numbers and emails and won't allow family counseling to help with any unresolved issues that he didn't create. I tried to take my life because the children ages 16 and 17 were saying things only their dad would say and I couldnt take it anymore. Now he holds this against me and still will not allow me to see, talk or have any knowledge of the children medically or education despite the court orders stating joint 50/50 custody.

    I don't know what to do I am losing hope.

  • Comment Link after 14 years im over it ! Wednesday, 09 March 2016 16:20 posted by after 14 years im over it !

    My ex is currently doing the same thing to me and my daughter. She is so brainwashed literally choosing her dad who was in Jail since the moment she entered the world and for 8 1/2 yrs after over me on a vicious way . Me being a good person allowed. Them to bond since being released from prison , which has now resulted into a full blown alienation toward me the only parent she has known all her life I kept her in private school from prek _ 8th grad on my own with no help from her father haven't received help in now 14 years , when my daughters around him she is a different person sneaky manipulative and a liar , has called me everything under the sun and no matter what always sides with dad. The desperation she has to have a relationship with someone who doesn't Care about her baffeles me She has absolutely no loyalty to me as her mother and seriously looks down on me and puts him on a pedestal

    Now she is on her way to another Private highschool thanks to me however, she wants to live with her father who will not spend a red cent on her let alone keep up with the tuition i have paid all alone all these years never received a dime in child support nor been to court I just handled it and made something out of nothing everytime

    After going thru her phone i witnessed extremely brutal conversation and attacks directed twoard me coming from him and her , and when confronted she says "he's only bad mouthing me cause she doesn't have a problem with it ouch

  • Comment Link danielle Friday, 04 March 2016 23:21 posted by danielle

    My friend really needs help.. Her husband that she has separated from an is working towards finally getting a divorce has her two little girls and lives with his parents.. He does not let her see them or have them an so does his mother.. If she does have one of them they then threaten to call the police if she does not bring them back on time.. There has also been false accusations about her boyfriend now.. So the husband has been making threat to the new boyfriend an now has completely stopped her from seeing their girls.. I really need someone's help to help her..

  • Comment Link Lyn-Marie Herden Sunday, 21 February 2016 06:39 posted by Lyn-Marie Herden

    My ex has done all of this to me. My children treat me like a stranger even though they are all grown up. The rare times they will talk to me I get accused of things that I never did or accused of causing situations I didn't even know about. They even knew about their father having an affair on me before I knew and thought it was funny. I have even been accused of having an alcohol problem but I barely drink. I love my children and just want a relationship with them but nothing I do seems to work. My heart is broken.

  • Comment Link Chad Monday, 08 February 2016 12:16 posted by Chad

    Hello,

    I am a single father with 2 children, an 18 year old boy and a 16 year old girl. I dont know if you are interested in my experience but I have to tell you that I am on the front lines of a war that I didn't know I was in that I can now see can be absolute destruction of my life and both of my children's. I was awarded sole custody of my children in 2007 after a nasty marriage with a very abusive woman that was and is still willing to "take it all the way". I dont want to say I am a survivor of this awful awful war because I don't feel as if I am surviving. I have done everything known to help my children and I literally mean anything and I have been willing to take it all the way but in the opposite direction. I have spent over $484,000, my entire net worth, paying professionals to help admittedly a situation that I knew was bad but I never could have thought that now at this stage in my life that I could be where I am. I view myself as a good person, with a good carrer as a research and development chemist in the oil industry, was making a good living and had all the major challenges as any single parent, but although I had this terrible life with a bad person I still thought that no matter what if I do the right things I will always be alright, well that was before I figured out what was really going on and believe me, I'm still finding out everyday and as I look forward it's so sad to tell you I see nothing a head of me and never thought I could ever even fathom the word quitter well that is where I am. The first 2 years after the kids came to live with me, my son went from C's and D's to the number 1 rank in his class out of the district and my daughter did better but still had her struggles. I got all of us into as muchildren professional help as possible, knowing that I had to focus on my own short cummings that had led me into such a tumultuous relationship with such a bad person. I have again tried every type of professional help in industry, including the entire IEP system of my children's school districts. My son was finally put into a residential level 14 treatment center and as of today I'm in a live and death struggle to get my daughter into the same level of treatment as my son was in. I have found that the harder I fought back to get them help the harder the system fights back to stop my efforts and it's criminal to say this but all I've been fighting for was my childrens mental and physical health, that im horrified to report I am losing. I no longer have relationship with my father or 2 sisters, my ex has completely abandoned our daughter and now that she cannot manipulate my son she wants nothing to do with him. I feel like everything has been categorically taken from me and my children and all I found is all the professionals I have gotten involved only either believed these just awful things the kids say and when they realize that they were wrong and caused worse damage they only shored up there malpractice insurance and walked away with not really even a sorry or just walked away. I dont know what to do and I could go on for hours telling you all the things I have tried to do for my family but I am left with absolutely zero, except to make this last huge push for residential treatment for my daughter. It really seems on the page I read of yours that you know what you are talking about and I know I am a stranger with just words from your website but if you have anything and I mean anything that could at least help first stop the destruction and at least help me get a footing I would be so grateful.

    Thanks,
    Chad

  • Comment Link a dad Friday, 05 February 2016 13:26 posted by a dad

    My ex wife has alienated me from 2 of three of my children so far. The Queens County Supreme Court Judge Jackman- Brown is a horror and displays the typical ignorance of parental alienation and all of its components that plagues our court system. My ex has held a petition for full custody over our entire family for what is now 1,497 days. This has affected my children horribly, as well as me, the rest of our family, grandparents, etc.

    the means to and end do not matter to a narcissist. Any judge that doesn't have the common sense to notice this does not belong on the bench. Any judge that Is not willing to listen or review a child's self-made, crying videotape about the fear of losing her dad should be impeached.

    This is worse than "emotional neglect." This is outright human cruelty akin to "depraved indifference" and must recognized and stopped.

  • Comment Link Juliana J. Friday, 05 February 2016 00:56 posted by Juliana J.

    Hello everyone! I think this will be a book when I am done writing but here it is where I am at ....
    I was abused by my ex husband(psychically mentally), his mother(mentally and physically sometimes * on video recorded twice * and brother (mentally).
    My daughter was kidnapped from me when she was 6 months old! I got her back 20 months later!
    My story is this. My ex husband found me, knew I had money at the time from a car accident case and he lied about everything. He is a good compulsive liar and manipulator,egotistical and if he wants something he will get it without any remorse and no boundaries. His friends are just for use if he needs something and he then gives help in return, but they are just friends for interest! Everything is calculated with him!
    I thought I was in love since I was abused the first time with a ex- fiancé and never got help ( big mistake ) and very young. I fell in love, I got married after a month not even! He lied about his status in Canada and I got pregnant when I went to follow him out of the Country!
    When we got back I still did not know that only people with Croatian passports can only stay 6 months and then go back unless they have a work visa or any other visa. I did not understand those things.
    During my pregnancy I would ask sometimes, " Are you just having this baby with me for papers? " and he would answer " I would never do that !!! You are sponsoring me why would I make a baby for papers?."
    I believe him, every word , he was my husband and very manipulative a very good liar. HE was completely different then! BEFORE the baby came along.
    Once the baby came, he changed. His mother came to " HELPPPPPP" with the new born baby, instead she took over my life my apt., my marriage even though he did that himself, and my DAUGHTER! To the point she told me to take back clothes I BOUGHT my daughter commanding me to buy no more dresses.
    Example : I come back from shopping because my daughter was growing like a tree. I bought new one zees, dresses, shirts and pants. I come back and she's like NO MORE DRESSES WE HAVE ENOUGH! take this back this back this back this back!! she doesn't need this! ... Understand me that I was abused by them to the point I had no "ME" left. I was a robot who did what they told me to do even if I did not like it! I gave my opinions and did what I wanted to do with my child but she always had to say no like this! even though the way I did it was better and I researched, read , even called the doctor for help when she had constapation and I said I would get depositories then the problem was so bad a month went by with my daughter in pain and me crying because I cannot do anything and she non shalantly says " OH lets get depositories!! "like that was her idea, even though a month before that I called the doctor and she told me to do just that, but she said no because she would " GET USED TO THE DEPOSITORIES."
    Long story short..... One day I wake up with the baby all three of them come in.. my ex husband, ex mother in law and brother in law and tell me the grandmother back home is dying and her last dying wish was to see in person my baby! I said NO RIGHT AWAY! .. I argued with them and they said ok ok ok we won't ask again! then a week goes by again.. another week again. kept saying NO! I said only if I can go.. but my ex husband would say but they could call me for my interview and you have to be there for my permanent residency! I said I do not care I will come back in a week! He said no! ANY DAY NOW THEY WOULD CALL! .. was not true!.
    I called my mom she came over with my brother and said no she is not going anywhere! TWICE! that did not help because they made up stories about me to my mother and my mother did not want to mix in my marriage!
    A week before my daughter left ... and they said it would only be for 3 weeks, that my baby would be over in a diff. Country. They did it again and I said No... then I said are you sure just 3 weeks!!!!! I had enough... I signed on the kitchen table some form for my daughter to leave UNDER DURESS!!! The 3 of them behind me, yelling sign it sign it how it says on your birth certificate. My hands shaking I signed it but I signed it wrong. They yelled NOW WE HAVE TO PAY FOR ANOTHER ONE! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!!! and more. They came back with a new one and I signed it and my ex husband and ex brother in law took me to the lawyer to make the travel document. I was crying in the waiting room. All i can see is them three, that is plus the lawyer popping their head out looking at me weirdly but I was so sad!.... Apparently. that lawyer is a friend from back home, went to school with my ex brother in law and did things badly. There was NO RETURN DATE ON THE DOCUMENT!!!!
    My ex husband cheated on me while my daughter was over there about 5-6 times that I KNOW of, and I skyped with my daughter. I asked and said " the grandmother looks good and fine!" they said "oh because she is on really strong medication!."
    When she wasn't coming back he kept saying ok wait for my permanent residency so in early JUNE he got it and finally put his wedding ring back on for the interview! After that he said" I talked to my mother she will pay for you to go get the baby now!! Go get with your mother two pieces of luggage but SMALL MEDIUM because the big ones are over!." I went sooooo happy with my mom we were so happy we got the exact luggage that was for the trip a nice dress and shoes to go get her and hold again. I come back I sign onto Skype and I tell the grandmother" GUESS WHAT?!??!?" so excited! she asked what! I got the luggage!!!!! she said what luggage.... then I was so confused and I said ... the luggage to go get my daughter finally... where you are suppose to pay for my ticket the one you said you would and to go get her now! . She said who told you that!! and THAT is where I went nuts!!!!! I said she had a heart like a black rock! my ex said well that is what his mother said he doesn't know what is happening!
    He then went onto wait for my promotion then you will go get her, then lets get a new apt. for a new start! but you go to your mothers and I will be with my brother * IN the same building * I then said why can't I be with you. You are my husband why am I going to my mothers? His brother said because there is no room for 1 extra person! I said what are you talking about we used to live all three together for over a year!!!! how is it now TOO SMALL! ?!?!?
    I went to my mothers I still was married I had dates everyday then every other day then more lies every time ..... I realized it was a kidnapping that DEC. when he called me for the last time ... He called to ask if he can have the luggage I bought when I was going to get my daughter in JUNE when they tricked me. I finally STOOD up for myself and said you have enough money now go buy your own, how dare you even ask me for THAT luggage ! On her 1st birthday, I sent a huge box of clothes and money for my daughter and said please do not open the package until I come onto Skype! They didn't listen. I went over to his brothers I saw all my furniture there and new pictures of my daughter grown up even more everywhere in my own picture frames and got SOOOO mad! I SAID WHY ARE MY DAUGHTERS PICTURES WHERED THESE PICTURES COME FROM! They were sent to me my ex brother in law said.... he then gave me 4 pictures of HIS CHOICE blurry and bad. I screamed and said shame on you and slammed the door and went home.. I couldn't believe it.
    So I went to in Jan. to go get my daughter! I went to the Canadian embassy and they took me into a spin into NO WHERE! they even laughed and smirked like this was a joke!!! through the glass. if there was no glass I would have punch her out! They were jealous because I had a Canadian Passport! but the kidnapping of my daughter is funny?!?!?!?!
    If I had gone to the exact place my baby was, I would have been murdered.... so thank god I did not go.
    When I got back to Canada I then tried to get a lawyer and went to the rcmp. Very nice lady who also talked my language said that interpol can go get my daughter because I still have custody of her of course and all I have to do is for the judge make a timeline. I started right away! I did the timeline and I typed it out, 10 percent almost done I got into the door and my mom had told me sit down you were served with papers.
    He wanted full custody, money, everything!
    I couldn't believe it I thought finally interpol will get my kidnapped daughter back!
    So , I had help from a friend to get a very expensive lawyer who delt with child abductions! and he helped me get her back to Canada. I had to wheen my daughter off the grandmother because when the RCMP flagged the grandmother( ex mother in laws) passport and my daughters I got to see my daughter first because the constable, the great RCMP constable let me see my daughter first if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have gotten to see her at all! I got 3 hours with her she called out mama and I said I am right here! but she wasn't calling out for me.........
    Now this woman(ex mother in law) from a baby to now, from pinching my daughter, from changing her and saying she would kill her and all recorded on the computer!!!! My daughter was programmed ever since she was kidnapped. My ex husband helped and ex brother in law. ( who at 4 told me she was being touched by him and it sounded like him I saw a lot of crazy and sick things in my marriage that was blocked out in my brain because it was too ..... bizarre is not the word... sick... and .... delusional and not RIGHT for a family of 3 in any way possible, the relationship is gross and sickening psychologically physically .
    When my daughter came back I struggled with her hair unkept it was naughted all over nape area everywhere it was either shaving off her hair or taking all kinds of professional oil and brushing it all out slowly!!! So I left some oil in her hair after we were done me and my mother( ex hairstylist ) and it took a hour poor thing :( Then CAS called said they got a complaint by my ex that I have no food in my home and police are coming to check my fridge and so on! JUST because I tried to ask him to buy conditioner and what I had done with her hair and why but he got veryyyyyyyy abusive and violent and we left ASAP me and my mother! .... Police came we had a fridge full of food a cabinet fulllllll of food even on the kitchen table because there was no room! He kept on calling CAS he had them on speed dial. next was i was on street drugs so I said I would take a voluntary test the next day because its getting out of hand the false allegations and then they closed the case, right away literally!
    I was parental alienated from my daughter since she was taken from me, kidnapped. She is coached and everything. Now it is worse because she is 5 years old , this year SEPT she is 6!
    CAS never did a investigation on the sexual abuse allegations from my daughter which I KNOW my daughter she would not lie, they lied because I heard the interview with my daughter and saw how she showed her how he touches her through a reflection from a old tv that we had to throw out on the curb.
    2 years ago when I took her to counselling she said they hit her on her face and bottom! Her father and grandmother!
    With all this said...
    I do not have her right now..... at all......
    WHY?
    Because she was coached into saying I beat her up! .... I dropped her off clean, since I give her a bath every time before I bring her back because I know they don't take care of her! clean clothes shoes everything... all her apps. done . took her to dentist... I even taped that day!
    IFFFFF she had anything red on her face or bottom ( by the way the investigator showed me picture her face all black and brown and her bottom her hips and two sides of her legs and I know who's nails are those nail marks down her legs * grandmother * ....
    Everything happened so fast.... I waited for her at the bus stop her first day of school..... I cried of course... She held hands with Bella her friends and got on the bus.. the next day too.... the last day SUN i took her on the swings I still have to teach her to swing! because they don't teach her anything! .. anyways.... If there was any redddddd marks or THAT why i saw in the pictures and belt MAN belt marks !! that I used to buy him... My ex husband would have called the police ON THE SPOT!!!!!! and my recording which my lawyer says the judge won't see any video as evidence at all..... I said I DID NOTHING ... its like somebody taking your child away saying you robbed a bank with her and they take her away......but that never even happened!..... NOW I GET SUPERVISED VISITS ONCE A WEEK FOR A HOUR !!!!! and they don't write anything down so I RECORD! they are suppose to write... at the beginning she was scared of me..... I was so confused..... a week ago she was my baby my child my everything she loves me.. and now she runs from me crying..... now its different today her tooth in the front fell out while eating pizza and It was a nice moment even though she was crying and holding onto me and crying her eyes out saying can you put my tooth back in.........I said awww hunnn nooooo that means you are getting bigger!!!! and look at mamas teeth seeeee you will have these kind of teeth you are getting bigger baby! ...I miss my daughter.... I did nothing wrong.... this is a kidnapping again.... but... legally.... and they can get away with murder......
    There is still coaching and everything.. like now she is scared to even see her family doctor who she never was scared of before!!!! she used to run up and down the halls talk to people say hi ask for lollipops shed be all happy even SICK! and ... she was clinging to dear life the doctor said .. she said my daughter is very different now....... why can't I stand up in COURT and tell my story and bring back my daughter and take her to her apps she's very malnuritied she doesn't eat like before got skinnier she's very dirty!!!! I am scared for her well being... She is only now with them because the judge didn't have ALL the information and I didn't have time to get a lawyer, now I have one but everything is going so slowly... I never thought one day I would be in a CAS building having supervised visits with my own daughter...... I feel like some criminal... I LOVE CHILDREN~~~ and he knows that.... I don't get it.. I don't get this life... half of me is gone... the other half... is suffering mentally and psychically by the hands of the abductors and abusers and sexual assulties..... I hope the truth comes out one day or really.... I don't know anymore I don't know what to do ..
    Concerned Mother That Loves Her Daughter, her TWIN, her OTHER HALF.... my little fighter .. that has a mother that fights for her... till the end..

  • Comment Link d  beaumont Saturday, 30 January 2016 02:07 posted by d beaumont

    Thanks for giving help my son was with me for 8 years now his mom has turned him against me I'm going crazy but this helps me out with my situation

  • Comment Link lavina Monday, 25 January 2016 19:07 posted by lavina

    I am struggling with Parental Alienation right now. I lived in an abusive and controlling marriage for 10 years and when I saw that the abuse was simply being carried forward to my baby daughter, I called the cops and quit. It took me 2 tries but I made my way out. thinking like the social workers told me I was the brave one and now I would get rewarded with justice. My ex would have nothing to do with me or my daughter. To my extreme shock not only does the court insist that I give my now 4 year old dfaughter to a man who used to abuse her by denying her formula and clean diapers but who was not bothered to see her for the 1st 2 years of her life. It was up to me to force a screaming child to go off with a man who I was afraid would hurt her. Well that was 2 years ago. My Ex now employes an even more sinister strategy. outright lies...about everything. Why he cannot buy her good food why he cannot buy her good clothes. he accuses me of taking his money. I started collecting 200.00 child support 3 months ago after paying him a year of spousal support because I had the teremity to work full time all through my marriage while he officially worked only part time but was working on cash the rest of the time. I could not prove anything so even though he was making decent money I had to pay him even though I have sole custody of my daughter. I survived that and the bad mouthing that he has done of me. I have been accused of ebverything from being the cause of his loosing his job because he could not get along with his female boss to killing his even more abusive father..who died of insulin shock because my ex forgot to get him his insulin.

    Every alternate week-end I have to listen to my normally loving 4 year old come home from access with the father and tell me how much he hates me for troubling her dad.

    She is 4 years old too young for anything but for me to just hold het close and tell her its not true. Everytime I speak with the lawyers I am asked to "prove it" How do I prove it?? What do I do. I have asked for supervised access but have been told that unless something drastic happens the courts would not support me as they are sooooo busy ensuring the fathers right to his child...Well what about my rights? Why should I continue to be the victim of this man and more importantly why should my innocent daughter have to suffer having a "bad father and role model" in her life when by any definition 'No father is better than someone actively working to emotionally and pschol;ogically control you.

    This is the most insidious of abuse and the most difficult to prove and so in a system that places the burden of proof on the victims rather than the abusers..we will continue to be victimized by this man. ...

    So all these owrds are great...but what action is being taken to keep an abuser away from the people he abused instead of a concentrated effort by the 2nd wives club and the abusers families to criminalize the mother...And what about the most innocent victim of it all..the children. Who is protecting them from their abusers when the courts say the mother cannot do it.

  • Comment Link Lewis deLacey Saturday, 23 January 2016 02:48 posted by Lewis deLacey

    This is all very good advice but what about parents in situations like mine where they can't have any contact with their kids due to PA and court orders and who haven't seen them for years? I've lost my daughter physically and emotionally due to PA.

  • Comment Link malayna and ruri orozco Tuesday, 19 January 2016 01:38 posted by malayna and ruri orozco

    My husbands ex buddy decided she didn't want him in her child's life because he didn't want to be involved with her he is now 4 years old and my husband has found them again and the mother doesn't want him to be in his child's life what do we do this is serious

  • Comment Link Erica Saturday, 16 January 2016 02:41 posted by Erica

    Thank you for this insightful article. My 15 year old daughter has been distancing herself from me for the past year. I believed she was grieving from the loss of my younger sister whom she was very close to. However, she has become ever more disrespectful towards me and has unofficially moved in with her dad, stepmother and 1 year old half-brother. If you look at her Facebook page you barely see any reference to myself or my family except for pictures with comments like"Had a decent time with the family" (that was our Christmas photo) or "Happy mothers day to this loser I love you." That one hurt especially when I read the long heartfelt post to her stepmom thanking her for everything and always being there.
    Finally she told me last week that I've never cared, never around, never listened and she doesn't have memories of ever being together. I was extremely hurt because I did have to work so much to support her but I was never an absentee parent. School/sporting events, a birthday trip to Disney, weekend trips, movie nights, homework...I couldn't understand how she could forget all that. I feel like I'm a horrible parent and failed her. This article has now given me some perspective on the situation. Thank you so much

  • Comment Link Lorna Thursday, 07 January 2016 13:33 posted by Lorna

    Thank you for this. I loved reading about the "breadcrumb trail". I hadn't thought of my very few short emails to my son in this way. It's been 5 years, and I won't allow myself to give up hope. Common sense tells me that he has not estranged himself from me because I did anything wrong - the behaviour pattern above is like reading about him - it is more about an abusive parent/partner taking even more control. This is the first article I have found that doesn't bame the parent. Thank you.

  • Comment Link vivian Monday, 04 January 2016 15:38 posted by vivian

    My ex has won primary custody of our sons. Due to his narcissistic ways and his families money. I can't afford an attorney he alienates my kids from me every chance he gets. Leaving them with his family while he works when I've said many times they should be with me when he can watch them. I'm lost and no money no place to go. I was a stay at home mom for 10 years. I left him not my kids

  • Comment Link Christine upton Tuesday, 29 December 2015 05:57 posted by Christine upton

    How do I tell my 13 year old daughter who left to her dad and step mom whom she calls mom 3 months ago. I have raised her 70% of time. She told her school cousellor she's done with me

  • Comment Link Maryanne Tuesday, 29 December 2015 05:24 posted by Maryanne

    Thank you. Part 1 is exactly what I am going through.

  • Comment Link Jacob Saturday, 19 December 2015 07:46 posted by Jacob

    Thank you! This page confirms that Ive been already applying these steps. However, I do stuggle with step 2 cause its hard to hide the pain even though I show no disrespect nor animosity back to the alienating parent. Im tired of haveing our daughter see the pain of both parent's and her feeling criminalized for showing me any love back.

  • Comment Link Pamela Singleton Saturday, 12 December 2015 11:25 posted by Pamela Singleton

    This is fantastic to read, This is exactly what has happened to my daughter, but when she tells her sons aged 8and 9 that she loves them, she gets a nasty email saying a psychologist they are seeing said she is causing them trauma. The email is sent by her ex's girlfriend of just 12 months if that. She has warned our daughter if she says anything like " I miss you" I love you" The monthly 5 min phone call will stop. The Gf wants contact to completely stop with our side of the family and is succeeding. Her ex was the one that cheated several times before walking out and taking the boys to his mothers two years ago, He has had several different women in his life who all dictate to our daughter, and he is a compulsive lier( to gain Sympathy) from others. Our daughter has just been accepted for legal aid in January. Your advice is wonderful.

  • Comment Link Aziz Meliani Saturday, 12 December 2015 07:59 posted by Aziz Meliani

    My ex wife have custody of my daughter since she left New York to Texas a corrupted judge in New York gave castedy of my daughter to her since she was 6 months old for all the the years she have lived with my ex wife and a her step father when she turned 16 years of age she allowed my daughter to live with the grand parents in Texas ,my daughter claiming she have unexplained problem of abuse with her step father and she shose to live with the grand parents in Texas , she used to come to visit me in New York till the age 16 after she lived with the grand parents she stops visiting me ,when she was 18 I went to visit her at her grand parents house in Texas there was a problem with the grand father that he didn't like me visiting her he have issued with race the men his a racist from that time I never head an aportonity to visit ot to see my daughter they , have worked on her brainwashing her against me now she is is 27 years old she never contacted me for my birthdays or I was not able to contact her for her birthday or spend her birthday with her the only time she ever called me is to use me asking me to send her money to her bank account , I don't knew where she lives I was told in Austin Texas but I don't know where . Any advise how to handel this setuation or to bring them to justice by filling a law suits against the mother and the grand parents for poisoning my daughter mind against me and causing me pain and suffering and pre meditated plan from the beginning to cut a relation ship Between me and my daughter .

  • Comment Link robert revelle Sunday, 06 December 2015 17:15 posted by robert revelle

    My x is claiming that i show up un announed at the house to see my son, she accuses me of trying to come around her but none of these things are true! im not stupid and would never show up out of the blue, i have no desire to be around her and i am floored at this accusation! I get my son on tuesday nights from 6:30 till 8:30 and fridays after school till sunday every weekend. I call him every night at 8:30. Recently i purchased my son a phone so i could have more communication with him but last week my x sent a text stating that i am not allowed to contact him any other time but at 8:30 since our court agreement "temporary" says only 8:30. There is no communication between us and since she has another man in her life now things have gotten even worse. I was in the hospital awhile back and my son wanted to come see me but she told him she didnt feel like taking him to see me. My issue is with the courts, she can make all these accusations without consequences and i have to show the burden of proof that they are false. Im tapped out financially and no longer can afford my attorney but some how the state of illinois is representing her for free? I am behind on my child support because of my job, i have a letter from them stating that my truck is down and that i have no been working much utill it is fixed. I do pay what i can every chance i get, i never have not gotten my son on the times we agreed on and we are very close. I do things with him and we have a great time. I am always the one picking him up and taking him home which is a 45 minute drive each way. I want my son full time and was fighting for that, at the minimum i want 50/50. But now i am without an attorney i am scared.... I do not trust the court system and this bs about her making false accusations but yet somehow i have to defend myself against them, let me say something and it becomes harrasment! has gotten out of control. Her free attorney is a real jerk, my girlfriend past away a few weeks ago and my attorney asked for a continuance on our court date as that was they day of my girlfriends wake. Her attorney refused to do so but i could no longer afford my attorney so she showed up in court for me and filed a motion to releive her as such which also allowed me to go to the wake. I feel things are going to go very ugly for me soon and I just love my son and want to be in his life, im finding the courts reallly dont give a damn about neither me nor my son he has expressed to everyone that he does not want to live with his mother. He is 7. Like i said, i am not a stupid man but im scared to go into court pro se and expect any fairness. Is there anything in or anyone in illinois that can help me?

  • Comment Link anne Monday, 30 November 2015 18:23 posted by anne

    I was emotionally abused on a day to day basis by my ex and finally got out. However I have been forced to give my ex graduauted access to my 3 year old son. My son is now having major meltdowns at access exchanges, refusing to go, kicking, screamimg. He says daddy told him to punch mommy and it makes him feel sad. How can I prove he is emotionally abusing my son now? Can a professonal assess the situation and know this is what is happening? My ex says I am telling him to do this? Oh my god!

  • Comment Link Michelle lariviere Saturday, 28 November 2015 07:44 posted by Michelle lariviere

    I am currently still married to my 2nd husband. At the time of my child's birth they would not put her fathers name on birth certificate. When her father and I seperated I let him take her because I could not financially support her. He has now decided I may see her once, sometimes twice a week for a few hours under his supervision. He lives with his mother and she will not allow me in the house, so if she comes home I must leave immediately, I've seen my child 2 times in 3 weeks 4 1 hour b4 the mother came home and kicked me out. I have no money to pay an attorney and he will not allow me to pick her up and drop her off. He has also made it clear that I will never be allowed to.

  • Comment Link Jill biggs Saturday, 28 November 2015 03:11 posted by Jill biggs

    Is there anybody that can help me in indiana, I am without counsel, victim of parental alienation, for 3yrs & 3 months now

  • Comment Link Corey Saturday, 14 November 2015 07:38 posted by Corey

    I keep looking at sites for this and they are very informative. Now how can I change it? Nothing works, my ex has some serious issues. She lies to my children constantly about me. She posts on Facebook constantly about deadbeat dads and makes sure my kids read them. She tells them outright im not a good father and I just can't get it right no matter how hard I try. She tells them I was dishonorabley discharged from the military which I most certainly was not.

    We have been divorced for 14 years. She cheated on me when we were married and partied while I took care of the kids who are 15 and 16 now. Since our divorce she has tried to take me to court for child support I not only paid, but over paid. The Judge saw my evidence and threw her case out after giving her a good ass chewing.
    I've had to take her to court for her forcing the children to call boyfriends and step dads "dad" and me by my first name, among other similar issues. Again, the judge chewed her a new one after catching her in many lies and court ordered her not to do it anymore. She ignores these orders and the issues keep getting worse over the years.

    I pay my child support and for years I voluntarily did it through the state to avoid her false accusations. I have worked two jobs most of the time and have gone without groceries and shelter to make sure she got her money. I pay a hell of a lot of money for insurance on top of it. I always make sure they have good holidays, provide them with laptops, game systems, tablets, and what ever else they need. I live pay check to pay check doing this.

    I currently hold a security commission through the police department, work for a childrens hospital, and have a second job at another hospital. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs and take care of my current wife who is a stroke victim. Everything I do in life is to help others and I'm happy to do it.

    She doesn't work and when she try's she gets fired or quits. She gets married and divorced for a living, drinks and cheats on her husbands. This is not opinion from anger or resentment, it's truth. I keep her at arms distance and though I slipped I couple times, I don't speed poorly of her to my kids.

    Now she has brain washed my kids so bad I haven't seen my son in two years because he refuses and I feel my daughter slipping away. I have never been abusive to them in anyway. I couldn't even spank them as children and don't yell at them. I always listen and try to figure out what ever issues they have with them so they learn constructive ways to solve problems. I have never done anything to deserve this. She yells, screams, throws tantrums and lies about me daily. I go day by day not give her a second thought and going on with my life, yet after all these years she dead set on destroying me for no reason. I don't retaliate because if I do my kids are the first to hear lies on how I did. Terrible lies.

    I am no saint, but I feel I am a good man that sees the good in others. I could not see my life being in a position where I don't help others. And I definitely can't see my life without my kids being there. I allow her to move have way across the country when she married one of her husband and couldn't stand being away from my kids so I packed up and moved to where they are having to start all over again.

    I do not have money for anymore lawyers and I feel if I did take her back to court somehow my kids would even hate me more because she would make them be a part of it and portray me as the villain.

    So please tell me what is ther to possibly do? She is either pure evil or has developed some serious mental illness issues. Again, not said with anger, this is sincere. I am truly at a point where I no longer know what action to take. My heart breaks everyday for my kids and I'm worried sick about the people they will become under her parenting. Can anyone steer me in the right direction?

  • Comment Link Letty Friday, 06 November 2015 18:19 posted by Letty

    Hello my ex wants to show my 14 year old all court papers and expose all the negative crap we said about each other in court , I think is very wrong I believe my daughter has enough to worry about growing up and shouldn't worry about the past , I think he wants to proved a. point and show to her how he lost custody of her , I'm so afraid all this may affect her , she's only 14 , not sure if what he's trying to do is legal and how spcologicly how this my affect my daughter

  • Comment Link PJ Christoni Tuesday, 27 October 2015 20:40 posted by PJ Christoni

    I am so lost, hurt and discouraged... I cant take the pain any longer. I just want to give up, its easier. I have spent 2 years trying to win my son back over to me (Know that I did NOTHING in the first place)... why continue to subject myself to his misplaced rage????

    His father wins. I give up.

  • Comment Link Ray Tuesday, 06 October 2015 16:22 posted by Ray

    I have 2 grown daughters that have nothing to do with me.. their mother disappeared with them while she was pregnant with the second child and never let me see them.. Everytime I would find them she would move again, by the time they were 8 and 9 years old i gave up, the heartache was unbearable. The oldest showed up when she was 18 filled with hate towards me, asking me why i had abandoned her and her sister. I had written my daughters at least once a month for their entire lives, all letter were returned. I kept writing the letters and just kept them in boxes, along with cards for various occassions, birthdays, Easter, Christmas, etc.. My oldest really loved me and stayed with me for about 6 months, but her mother disowned her and wouldn 't speak to her because of it and my daughter was miserable. She would be in my life now but her mother won't allow it even though she is 21 yrs old.. I paid child support of my own free will, even though i didn't have to because when she remarried her husband adopted them. I paid anyway and she hid it from the girls until they wer 18. I am sad to say that this is a battle that i will never win, my daughters have interest but they love their mother and as long as she threatens with disowning them for contact with me, they will not come around.

  • Comment Link oneill Friday, 02 October 2015 05:15 posted by oneill

    hi,
    im an divorced father and have a 2 year old daughter who lives with her mother.
    for the last 3 weeks i have recieved emails from my ex wife stating that my daughter is in a miserable and foul mood once i dropped her off at home. i only have her for day visits over weekend's and i never experienced her to me like that when she is with me.
    i noticed that the previous 2 weekends she runs away from me when i want to pack her bags and she becomes " sad " when i tell her to come get dressed or we we going home.
    i cant say for sure that she gets difficult, but the mother says that? what can this be? can it be that my child doesnt want to go home and want to stay longer?
    regards
    oneill

  • Comment Link Alaa Tuesday, 01 September 2015 03:23 posted by Alaa

    My wife turned my kids against me she living at her sister home and my son start lying at me he is very smart and when I told home who is told you that he didn't say how can I get statement talking from him because his mom used him to threat me and get money I can't see him
    Within 26 months just 10 hours

  • Comment Link Bumblebee08 Sunday, 23 August 2015 22:33 posted by Bumblebee08

    Currently going through all this and it is so hard!
    My children are still quite young being 8 and 6, for me I'm holding onto the thoughts of my future in having my children returned to my care and being happy once again. It's a long road ahead but one that will be worth it.
    A child will always live their mother no matter what the circumstance! I will not allow this monster to ruin my precious little people and will do all in my power to show my love and trust to them and hold no anger or speak illy of their father.
    If the bond between you and your child was strong before it can be once again for all is not forgotten.
    Hold onto hope ladies and be the stronger parent... educate yourself of your situation... Knowledge is power! Don't beat yourself up over something you cannot control...
    Most importantly DON'T EVER DOUBT your child's love for you!

  • Comment Link Dan Abshear Sunday, 05 July 2015 15:45 posted by Dan Abshear

    Parental alienation has been happening with me for over 5 years. In that time I hand write my daughter beautiful long letters, and I mail those to her with a nice card. And i mail those to my ex in law's house because I do not know where my daughter lives. She does get my letters but she never writes me back. It's amazing the amount of anger she has towards me due to this parental alienation

  • Comment Link madeleine Saturday, 20 June 2015 23:32 posted by madeleine

    Help my son pls!Parental Alienation! Best philosologist and lawyer in Australia

  • Comment Link Rose Friday, 12 June 2015 23:28 posted by Rose

    "parental alienation" I have to ask, is it really June 2015, and do I live on Earth?

    It sounds like a movie. Horror movie to be exact!

    This is absolutely not acceptable to me. What in the world is the justice system doing to protect relationships in regards to families, whether it be mother or father or sons and daughters?

    I am a mom with a 15yr old daughter. Right now I can not talk to her, I can not get email from her.
    Dad has completely turned her into him, like a robot.
    I can hear it in her voice.
    I was a stay-at-home mom for 11 yrs.
    Complete lack of respect and uses and abuses system to his advantage, meanwhile giving her everything she wants and treating her like it is Christmas every day.
    It is inhuman and wrong, parents should not have to take these back into court. Why?
    It just goes in a circle and hurts the child and the loving parent, whether emotional, financial.
    Alienation needs to be grounds for jail time, then these abusive parents will stop, especially the emotional and verbal control, the "silent" abuse.

    This country needs to help our children and now!!!

    Rose

  • Comment Link Helper Sunday, 26 April 2015 17:26 posted by Helper

    Your suggestions do not work. When your child is manipulated to fear you, give up on the fantasy, that your child will return. Alienating parents who manipulate their own children, are Narcissists who will enjoy putting their hate for you, before the well being of the children, and many are patient, covert and cunning.

    They win because the break the bond of attachment, and the child feels they only have one parent who will protect and love them.

    I can relate to all of your comments. My ex is wealthy and wins people over with his intelligence and success. The court, the therapists and former friends of mine, are gone. I don't completely blame them because I don't know when I will break down and sob or avoid people because I am afraid I may break down.

    Their advice is to move on. I have somewhat, however, I find it so difficult because it's as if my children have died, but they are living their lives without any hint they'll ever return. It's been almost 9 years.

    I wonder about them all the time. I wonder what they like to eat now, if they are dating, if they are well and happy, or any aspect of their lives.

    I sometimes cry so hard, I howl like a mother bear. I miss them so much, pain is constant, and it is deep down inside from grieving. Please see Dr. Childress videos on YouTube or his webpage. He is the first and only Doctor I've heard who truly "gets it". I just found him on You Tube and he makes it clear what alienation is all about.

  • Comment Link Janie Smith Wednesday, 22 April 2015 06:44 posted by Janie Smith

    What can I do? My sons are adults now and have been poisoned with so many lies by their father for so many years that they won't even talk to me. My heart breaks for this loss. They saw his abuse, but have been completely mind controlled to believe I caused his narcissism. I left his church and they don't believe that he was living two lives, one outwardly as a good standing man of God and the other a deep, dark, depraved, sex addiction I tried to sheild them from without letting it come to light. My heart is breaking.

  • Comment Link doing it all Tuesday, 14 April 2015 15:06 posted by doing it all

    I see that most articles are written about the man doing the leaving..well I'm here to tell ya that I am a father who's. Wife ran off with her boyfriend and left me and our 2 daughters age 9 & 11. They refuse to speak to their mother and she wants me to make them call her. She blames me for not forcing them to call her. She took them to her boyfriends house on x-mas eve and they all came home crying. ( their sister from her previous affair was withthem) How is this my fault!? Am I supposed to force them to call and talk to her!?

  • Comment Link JSM Wednesday, 08 April 2015 04:22 posted by JSM

    Hello, I need Help!!! The situation is so hard and so bad for my son. He is 16yrs old with down syndrome. His mom and I split before he was even 1 or 2yrs old' we never got married. She is now on her second marriage and also has a daughter from her first marriage. My Ex has always done things to exclude me from as much as possible. however, since His mom moved into her 2nd husbands house things have gotten progressively worse for my son. His step father seems to have made it his mission to make my son love him more than me and treats it like a competition. I mean my son comes to me saying he is told I am not his father that his step father is and his family is his family not my family. The fact that my son has downs makes this so much more despicable and disgusting. I have tried so many things even getting it in our court order that we go to co-parenting counseling and that my son goes to one as-well but his step father winds up putting a stop to it. I refuse to give up it is just getting very hard to tread lightly and keep cool. A big moment for a son and his dad is learning to shave; I looked forward to that for a long time. Finally the time comes and because I do still communicate with his mom no matter what; i told her I planned on teaching him that next weekend and expressed my anticipation and excitement. So of course My son comes the next weekend and he is clean shaven; telling me his step father taught him. It was so hard not to show how angry and hurt I was. His step father has actually mouthed things at me about the whole shaving thing behind our now Councillors head when she was looking away from him... like a little child trying to get me to react. My son says things like "I cant come daddy i have to stay and make; "his step father" happy." or he will say to me on the phone "I cant come I have to spend time with my family" and also says with that..." I haven't seen; saying his step fathers name... haven't seen him enough or it's been to long so he has to stay there. I could go on and on; the worst thing I think is knowing that my son is living in such emotional extremes and he seems to feel so responsible for how his mother and step father feel. I feel that way because one day I was dropping my son off and we where saying good bye and he was hugging me in their drive way, while hugging me his stepfather drove up to the house ready to pull in the driveway. Right when my son saw him he jumped back off of me and seemed to become very worried or uncomfortable. so i at first didn't realize why he did this so I first asked whats wrong buddy; then i looked around and saw his step father pulling in the drive way so i asked my son again; "whats wrong; you can't hug me when he; meaning his step father... when he is around. My son with increasing discomfort and almost nervous action and tone in his voice, he said; no no daddy bye daddy while he grabbed his bag and rushed away from me into the house. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!! They have also made sure all the people in my sons life are so well informed by them as to how much my son supposedly gets confused and have discredited him and his word. My son is not progressing as he could and should be; he is very high functioning but the narcissistic world he is forced to live in is causing him to be frozen and robbing him of his independence in every way.

  • Comment Link CK Friday, 03 April 2015 08:44 posted by CK

    Where can I find some advice and help for a blended step family where parental alienation and sibling alienation is occurring from an emotionally frustrated ex?

  • Comment Link Eugene Sunday, 01 March 2015 03:17 posted by Eugene

    Reading all these comments I see heartache and pain.
    I see what I have gone through and still do.
    My story is very similiar.
    My ex wife alienated me from my son's.
    The 11 yr old doesn't buy into as much as the 13 yr old.

    Even at the age they are now, she forbids them to call me on Skype ( I live over seas), unless she is home.
    In the end the hoops I've had to jump are the same.

    Of all the advice I whole heartily agree with its love.
    showing we love our kids. Telling them we love them.
    And understanding we aren't controlling everything.

    Tonight both my son's talked with me for a good 40mins each.
    A year ago I would have never got even that.
    If nothing else will work. Love never fails! :)

    How long may we have to wait?
    It took years to get to this point For me.
    But...its all worth!

  • Comment Link cc Friday, 27 February 2015 03:03 posted by cc

    First of all, I'm a father. I believe this is a site for mothers, but I couldn't help writing a comment as I am currently going through a similar situation as many of you. My heart goes out to anyone being affected by these circumstances. Been divorced for about 2.5 yrs with 50/50 custody. My ex recently filed papers for more custody based on a lot of unsubstantiated and way out there lies. All of a sudden I'm hearing my kids say things and act in ways they never have to me. I have always been there for my kids as a positive male figure from being nurturing, caring, loving, yet with firmness I believe kids need to succeed in life. It seems to have escalated since i found a great woman and started to date her seriously and after my ex wife married her girlfriend........no, not a typo. After receiving papers and paying closer attention, I've discovered that my 12 yr old son started keeping a journal on me filled with nothing but exagorated negativity and no positive things we've done thru my weeks with them. My ex texting my so and telling him to lie to me. My ex reported me to child protection for abusing my daughter.......which was found to be false, unfounded and unsubstantiated. In the report, the only reason my son could give the c.p.s. agent for not wanting to be with in his interview was that I'm more rigid. His example was that I make him do dishes while his mom gives him a choice between dishes and cleaning cat box. It has progressed to both my son and daughter saying things that kids their age would never think of and them telling me that they don't want to talk to me on the phone (with voices in the background telling her to say she doesn't want to talk to me). And even when confronted with facts, my ex denies any wrong doing and tries to push it on me. I've looked at numerous alienation sites and can give examples for each and every sign of alienation. So, I sincerly sympathize with anyone going thru this

  • Comment Link t.wee Thursday, 19 February 2015 14:56 posted by t.wee

    My sister went through a very traumatic time and has been alienated from her son and daughter for 2 years.
    Recently she met up with her daughter and they are building their relationship back up very slowly.
    However it is really positive.
    Her son who is 18 this year does not speak or reply to any texts.

  • Comment Link Emma scott Wednesday, 17 December 2014 17:30 posted by Emma scott

    What happens if you are too late ... My ex husband has alienated my daughter so much she now says she wants to be with Him and does not want any contact with me at all. He won't even let me talk to her. He is now going for full custody of our daughter and because she is 13 the courts will listen to her and place her with him. I have a solicitor but the facts are there. No one will believe that I have concerns over parent alienation.

  • Comment Link Debra Wheeler Monday, 27 October 2014 10:15 posted by Debra Wheeler

    Someone please help me.
    I am engaged to an amazing man. He's been divorced ten years and still experiences the horror of parental alienation. His divorce was horrible. The kids lived with him for a long time until he was remarried several years ago. The ex sprang into action right away and that ended in divorce too. She couldn't take the drama. The ex pitched a fit to get them back then because he didn't have a stable home....remember she destroyed it then the court destroyed him by giving them to her.
    That was a few years ago. The sick cycle repeated two years later...all exactly the same. Well he stayed alone and tried to appease her to see them by having no life other than work and carrying due them when she actually decided Not to hold them hostage every other weekend.
    Note were to me now. Christian with values, rules and morals. When we first met, we skirted awhile before introducing them to me to make sure we're permanent. I finally meet them at my home and everything goes fine. But then she kept them away fight three months. We get a home close to them to alleviate the distance...across the street. I know now, MISTAKE. We did it and they're here everyday and live being with their dad. Of course now all heck is breaking loose daily because of her. She's jealous, manipulative, deceitful and verbally abusive. She posted several derogatory comments on Facebook. I screenshot and saved them all. I was hysterical. She said things about my son, me and my fiancee. The kids were here with us when I found out about the posts. They saw them and were shocked. (2-10year old twins and 13year old)
    The twins were shocked bit I could tell the older one already knew. He smirked as I cried. He went and told the ex I showed them the posts and a few hours later(after her and friends ranted and escalate into an all out encouraging demand for my head apparently) she drives into our yard sends the oldest to the door demanding his father. Add sin add he steps out the door screaming, cussing,threats and orders are being barked. Screaming how bad of a father he is...DINT FORGET WE MOVED TO HELP WITH THEM, 900$ a month child support, all their insurance needs paid for and an exuberant amount of time with them on a weekly basis. Oh did I mention now we have 400$ extra a month costs to drive to work in another town. My sin has to be driven because we're out of zone. We doubled our cost of living to be there for them but it still isn't good enough. Nothing ever is with her.
    In the morning I have to go to local law enforcement and finish my restraining order...amend my statement because I had no idea she had those kids in the car while all this drama unfolded right before their very eyes. The sheriff doesn't know. I didn't know. I called because we had to file something on paper to get this under control. She's fine this over and over for ten long years.
    PLEASE I love my family. I've never been shy half with someone...He's my soulmate. But at what cost...His children. She won't let him see them now I am sure...unless it'll benefit her. She'll keep making jer pitypot and whirling to dissolve us in any way she can.
    She needs mental help. The kids are trapped. We can't take her to court. We spent every dime we had fixing up this house. Were screwed. Is there anything we can do to shut her terrorism down????
    Miserable in Homerville

  • Comment Link Frustrated Tuesday, 01 July 2014 15:37 posted by Frustrated

    My ex was mentally/verbally and sexually abusive to me for years - although he will completely deny it. He cheated on me several times. Two of my children knew this. We finally separated and he forced me out of the house with his sexual abuse/harassment. He then brainwashed 3 of my kids. Told them I abandoned them for a boyfriend (that I met AFTER separation) and that I didn't love them and only wanted them for money - something the kids told me only to deny later. 2 of my kids have told me to go kill myself and will have nothing to do with me. I did not call my ex names nor did my boyfriend but he called us every name in the book. Long story short, we went to court. My kids have now learned that you can lie in court and get away with it. My ex (with no evidence!) got the court to believe that I was the one having multiple affairs, had his mother lie and say that not once in 17 years did she hear me say I love you to my kids or hug them (which I do several times a day) and had my 2 girls go in and say that I was verbally and physically abusive to them! How do you even fight lies? My evidence for things was dismissed and ignored. I have not seen or spoken to the 2 in over 6 months. The oldest and I were very close although she will completely deny this now. I don't even know what to do anymore. I ended up with $40,000 in atty fees, 50/50 custody of 2 of my kids, partial of 3 (2 of which won't visit), no spousal support (I was a SAHM for 18 years with no education or work exp and currently having a hard time finding a job), no child support (he makes $130,000/yr and I'm on state assistance) The judge literally stated her opinion that I was a liar, cheat and a fake. I submitted evidence that he was the liar - obviously didn't matter! I had a biased judge but not enough where my atty felt I could prove it. So now here I sit every day and cry for my children. I am frustrated because there is nothing I can do when my two youngest come to me and say they want me to have full custody of them. My ex's house is filthy (my son had mold on his feet when he got out of shower, tables/counters not wiped in over 6 weeks) they wear the same clothes I send them in because they have nothing clean there, they go several nights without dinner, at times days without showers or brushing teeth with the same underwear and socks. They say they are afraid to call me because they are afraid of their dad and he and their sisters harass them when they want to call or tell them no. They have told my boyfriend (who I've been with for over a year) that they want him to be their dad. Their is so much love in our house and so much yelling and stress at their dad's.

    The system needs to change! There needs to be help with parent alienation! Especially in my case where the kids just want to be helped! - But then again, I'm the one brainwashing! With what? My money? oh wait, that's the ex! The only thing I can afford is love!

  • Comment Link Tamera Scearce Thursday, 19 June 2014 19:21 posted by Tamera Scearce

    I just want to see my son, and his dad is making it almost impossible. I am so depressed.

  • Comment Link robert cabrera Friday, 30 May 2014 02:31 posted by robert cabrera

    Wow im going through this with my wifes 3 older kids ,they have turned there backs and completely disresecpt her in the worst ways,omg god they words tget say the things they do is forbidden...my wife is a verry good true strong mother ...All of this is of me they say ...my has 5 kids ,her 2 youngear daughters 9 and 7 leave with us ....im her for them and do as much as I can to bring them up as best as I can ,I put more into this ever befor my owen 3 kids and srill the 3 plder kids hate me and hate there mom for being with me .I have provided a home for my wife and her 2 lil ones and my door is open fot tge 3 ,olders as well still no good enough..they have out that I stold there mom from there dad who is curently in prison and has 10 more years left.. we dont no what to do the disresecpt to thete mother is out raged

  • Comment Link Koos Meyer Sunday, 25 May 2014 08:24 posted by Koos Meyer

    My two daughters have no contact with after my wife left me as she had an/still is with this guy. I have not or seen my daughters in 4 years. I promised myself l will never write them off, l contact them very month by email mail, their return mail is they want nothing to do with me. They lived in the same home as the mother and her boyfriend. We were married for 24 years and my daughters are of age 27 & 24 un-married

  • Comment Link Jessica Saturday, 24 May 2014 18:14 posted by Jessica

    I am going throught this now. My 14 year old son just recently told me I was a bad mom. I have been devorced since 2004 and I put myself through college and I had to work two jobs at times to make ends meet. Their father was not consistent in their lives until Orion was in the middle in the 5 th grade. grade. He is now in the 7 th grade. He has been living with his dad for less then two years. My ex husband informed me that I was a negligent and abusive mother and that I worked too much. My son just told me I never had him take bath s or brush his teeth. That I never changed his sheets and I never was home. I was a mess after this. My son falls under the autistic spectrum and he was in pt, or, speech therapy, social group counseling, a behavior coach to help him with his meltdowns at school and social situations. He has never had a cavity in his live. I used to sit on the floor while he fel asleep because he would get scared. My daughter does not have problems with social situations or school and even feels like I paid more attention to her. I'm at a lost in words. When I asked him what he wants me to do. He just tells me to apologize for being a bad mom but I was not. It's so confusing. It's like his reality has been skewed by his father. I never thought that his dad would be like this to me.

  • Comment Link Robert Chambers Monday, 12 May 2014 20:58 posted by Robert Chambers

    My ex wife stopped the children from seeing me, then blamed me for not being in their lives, and even convinced them that I will kidnap them if they see me. They therefore have said, via court and Cafcass, they dont want to see me. They are 13,11,10 and 7, and are home educated.

    Social services have done a section 37, and a Psychologist has assessed the children. Both say the children are fine, and that the Children have been influenced by the mother, but there is nothing they can do.

    How can a mother do this to her children? how can it be legal for one parent to be excluded from a family? what can I do to help my children, left with such a psychologically troubled mother - their only influence in their lives?

  • Comment Link Maurice Sorbie Friday, 28 March 2014 13:02 posted by Maurice Sorbie

    Hi I have been in a ralationship for 22 years and married for the last 14 years of that. I had decided to leave my wife as I was always working hard and had raised my now 7 year old son from the day he was born with his mother having no interest in him but his older now 17 year old sister. The mother and daughter were always fitting with each other she had gone to a private school from prep till she reach grade 8 when she had her mothers permission to leave and go to a local state school which lasted 1 month into grade nine, I did not agree with the discission the mother had made but I always had no say as I was the dumb one that formed a succesful business that turned over $2.8M a year go figure.
    So from the time my son was born we did everything together we were the outsiders or family was so disfunctual always argueing basicly my wife won'ted to be write all the time I never won an arguement against her in 22 years but I could take on the tuffest builders makes no sence. My daughter left home at the age of 13years and shacked up with anthor boys family it broke my heart but I was blamed for it the two of them would always fit I would try and keep the piece fool me then they both would turn on me. So I got closer and closer to my son we did everything together he had nothing to do with his mum and when she tried to stamp her authority he would bark up to make things worse he has ADHD and was put on Ritilin at the early age of 5 years a year before they are suposed too. My wife only after 5 years tried sometimes when he was dosed up to interact with him but a little to late. In short I had another proerty on a farm outside of brisbane by 140klm so me and my son would go after school friday and return on monday morning this went on for years untill 2013 end of school term grade 1 for my son. I enrolled him in the local school and took him to school the first day he was so happy we hadnt heard from his mother for over 6 weeks only the night before school saying he has school tomorrow later that morning the first day of school his mother fronts up on the verandah of farm house with my daughter thick as thieves now and started ranting on and on I called the police she left they then fronted up at the local school a very small town after they said there piece and the police came they left. That afternoon I went to the school early to get my son screard something might happen the local police officer acompinied me to get him, I couldnt take him to school for two weeks untill we got a protection order on both of us, my wife then went to the courts to have the son returned to her strait away well after $28000 the judge just gave him back to her when I have been the primary carrer since he was born just like that so now he has gone from seeing me in morning taking him to school and picking him up and playing till dark to every weekend. My wife and daughter told so many lies when we had an interveiw with the lady at the courts who prepares there draft for the judge when we went to court he only read the two pages she wrote and not the afidavid from my solicotors and barister because he was so slack even the baristers have tried to have him removed from the courts because he doesnt read anything, I had to take my son to court and hand him over to her the look on my sons face he didnt wont to go I will never forget that look nore will I ever forgive what she and my daughter did to me or said. My daughter is gelous of my son always has been she self harms because boys dont show her attention or things are not going her well the fun will now stop with my ex wife and daughter because my son is back in the house it wont take long before she snaps and hurts her brother like she has done before like throwing a spoon and it lodged in his head and the mother mentally and thisically abusing my son but the courts just gave him back. My barister and solicoters have told me it is a grave injustice and they are trying to get to a hyer court but at the moment it doesnt help me or my son they increased his medication at the mothers request at school in the first week when I picked him up at school last friday he couldnt hold two words together and drible out of the side of his mouth it ripped my heart out to know they are druging him up to deal with him. I went to the principle that wasnt aware of this he put a stop to it and went back to his normal dosage every day once a day but they cant controll what the mother does outside of school I went to his peadutricion and he just looked at me and said I will have to speak to the other half not that he will ring the school to find out the truth.
    So you make it aware to every legal person about what is going on but none of them can do anything about it, I bet if the shoe was on the other foot they would. I am at my last straw dont know what to do with myself as my hole time has been spent with my son since he was born and I am screard they will hurt him or worse do damage to his little body he has lost so much wait if he is on medication it represses his apitite very badly after all these years I could deal with it we did everything with each other he slept eaither in my bed or when things got worse at home he would sleep on lounge just so he was close to me because his mother would always go rank on the pair of us I just dont know how to deal with this I cant stop crying am all over the place what do you do when you have something taken away from you. Sometimes I think about ending my life and I cant say I wont if things dont get better the thought of my son growing up without his dad who loves him somuch. If anybody could help me get through this would be appriciated because every way I turn the doo is closed I have shut my business up and my ex wife is vishious and my daughter have never seen people like them before the are spitfull she will do everything in her power to destroy me they live in the house I own outwrite and I live on one of our investment properties and paying all the bills. She damaged one of my cars slashed tyres and put dints up side also poored water in fuel tank about $7000 all up and that is only one car she even had put a riffle behind the seat of my car that was left at the house were she is when we went to court both of them were there so I had car picked up when I got it home I cleaned it as they filled cab up with grass clippings and pulled seat forward to find the riffle and a sharp knofe I rang my solicotor to inform them all they said is hide it and that she was trying to set me up for if I went to house she would of called the police and made freats they would of pulled me over and found the weapon behind seat eand of my visit with my son, how do they keep getting away with it. Well I could say more but I am so upset now just dont know what to do I miss my son so much he would be doing it so tuff there.

  • Comment Link Liam58 Tuesday, 11 February 2014 07:33 posted by Liam58

    I'm going through this as well. I am a Dad and have a sixteen year old daughter, soon to be seventeen.

    I have always done more for her than just monthly child support, which I have NEVER been late paying. Computers, phones, gymnastics classes so she could make the cheer team, Cheer uniforms, weekly allowance, phones, time with her if she will just take the time to see me, which she refuses to do because she is just too busy.

    Now I am getting insulted, talked in a way that would have caused my Parents to slap my face off had I spoken to them in the way she speaks to me.

    I divorced my ex when my daughter was 18 months old and because of my ex's actions I quit seeing my daughter on two separate occasions for up to a year each time. I had my fill of my ex.

    Each time I picked my daughter up at the sheriffs office, my ex met me outside of the office and I endured being slapped, poked, kicked, shoved, screamed at etc...I got tired and fed up with it and tried to poke my finger in her eye.

    I missed and stuck my finger in her hair instead. She had earrings on for pierced hears. She grabbed her ear, scratched herself with her earring, then blinked up a couple of tears and stepped around the corner of the Sheriffs office and told the dispatcher that I had hit her with my fist. Not true.

    The dispatcher asked me if I had hit her and I told her that I had certainly tried, but I missed. I went to jail and had to be bailed out!

    Court time. I hired an attorney and asked him to request the DVD from the sheriffs office on that specific date so that I could prove that my ex wife had slapped me and poked me before I tried to poke her in the eye. She claimed that she had not.

    My attorney told me if I was willing to pay him $2500.00 he would do that for me. I did not have the money at that time. I had to plead no contest and still had to pay him $500.00.

    I decided that if that is how the court system is going to work in this town, my ex can say anything she wants and put me in jail for several years. I quit seeing my daughter.

    I managed to see her about three times after a year had passed and I had to get an attorney to be able to do that. I also had to make sure I had a witness with me each time I picked my daughter up to make sure there was no trouble.

    At any rate. She has managed to keep my daughter from me, for birthday parties, swimming parties, slumber parties, pizza parties, special visits by her family etc...me thinking I was doing my daughter a favor, while all along my ex was intent on keeping my daughter from me. she has done a very good job of it.

    I bought my daughter a car. I told her that she could have the car when I felt comfortable/confident that she could safely drive. That meant she had to visit my home and drive her car with me in her car for several weeks before I let her have the car.

    she refused to do it. The car is still in my driveway, rotting. Its been there a year. I refuse to give her a weapon that she can kill herself with or someone else. tonight I told her that I am tired of waiting for her to come drive the car and that if she did not do so very soon that I would sell it. She said, "go ahead, I did not think you were going to let me have that car anyway."

    That came directly from her mother. So, now I have to let that car sit in the driveway and rot, rather than sell it, whether she ever decides to comply with my requirements or not, to prove to her that I bought the car for her and intended to give it to her only. Another set up by her mother.

    It never ends. I don't set around and plot things like that, my ex wife does.

    I have my daughters college expenses set aside if she ever decides to make grades good enough to get into college. I told her that I would extend her child support if she went to college in addition to the other money I have for her college tuition, books, fees etc.

    None of it strikes a chord with her. I am an AZZ and she does not want to be around me, ever.

    My ex defaulted on her home loan because she does not know how to manage her money. I bailed her out so she would not lose her home. I bought them new refrigerators, freezers, TV's, Stereos, all because of and for my daughter...still I am the AZZ.

    I have given up. She refused to talk to me on the phone, she quit coming to visit unless it was time to get her allowance...etc...

    At her age, there is no way out of this. Your seven part plan is not going to work. My ex is an evil, evil person. I will NOT help them the next time they come to me for help and for money, which they have done on several occasions. I intend to be the AZZ they think I am.

    BTW...I am re-married and I could be spending this money on my wife and myself. I've been married to my current wife for ten years.

    Tonight was the last straw for this. I refuse to be krapped on any longer. If my daughter wants to believe her mother, let her mother give her the money that she has been getting from me over the past 16 years. That wont happen. It might wake my daughter up, but I doubt it.

  • Comment Link Justice For Leah and Trenton. Bring them home to Florida Wednesday, 05 February 2014 05:04 posted by Justice For Leah and Trenton. Bring them home to Florida

    My ex is trying to do this to me. It worked for 1 1/2yrs until they came to Florida to see me. They told me of abuse. My son is autistic n my daughter reported detailed sexual abuse. I have great evidence to back me up from police n counselors in Florida n Michigan refused all the reports. I even have an ER report proving my daughter had a severe vag n bladder infection that the dr said she had for a ver long time when she 1st got to my home. She stunk n she was 8. My son was 5. I refused to return them n the police in Florida tried to help. His friend is the chief of police in the small town in Michigan he lives in. They grew up together. Guess who went to jail??? ME! He put out a federal kidnapping warrant n Florida said the warrant was false, but Michigan extradited me anyway. Plz visit their support page. It's for parents like us n supporting our kids who r going through this. It's on Facebook called "Justice for Leah and Trenton. Bring them home to Florida" feel free to post your story or to just help support them coming home. God bless all of u parents n our suffering children

  • Comment Link JBird Monday, 06 January 2014 02:20 posted by JBird

    I am going through the same right now. I guess its time to get my "team" together. God forbid dad has to move out of the 4, 6, or 7 bedroom house again and sleep in "one" of his cars with the "other" to be a co-parent, its easier for him to maintain control of the whole situation and weed mom out........he is more expensive than his wife.

  • Comment Link Brently Monday, 30 December 2013 20:07 posted by Brently

    wow I am going thru the same thing and I am the dad, it is over my 16 year old daddy's little girl.

  • Comment Link i cant believe it Sunday, 15 December 2013 14:13 posted by i cant believe it

    All this sucks doesn't it? By the way I'm a father going through this... its kind of different though, my own mother is helping my ex with alienating my 3 year old daughter. I don't think there is anything more wrong than to pray on a vulnerable 3 year old. My mom lost 2 cases in court when I was younger, I was one case she lost and my brother the other with his dad. I don't have a stable place of my own right now so I have the kids at the ex's house while she works. She and my mother ended up bringing 'OUR' old neighbor into it even. He came and asked for milk one night, I turned to the fridge and said yeah she has some... he said "aw never mind!." When he left my daughter stood their with change in her hand. I proceeded to say "that was nice he gave you money, let's put it in your piggy bank." She only wanted it in her coat pocket, not 5 mins earlier her mother had called and asked me to bring the kids to her work and get them ready... anyways a while later o caught my 3 year old sticking money in my 6 month olds mouth, almost forcing it... of course her mother says I'm crazy, says my daughter is 3 she's acting out.. being told I'm crazy is a psychological tool as well trying to get me to believe it after she says it 1,000 times a day. Anyways good luck everyone, I can not have my kids for a visit until after court unfourtunatley, but I'm taking full 100% custody with supervised visits.

  • Comment Link TMS Friday, 13 December 2013 07:20 posted by TMS

    Isn't it good to know that you are not the only one going through this. You feel helpless that your children are heading down the wrong path. My ex won't even talk to me about anything and bars my son from the internet and takes his phone from him. Us mothers can be detectives and my 13 year old son has an alias name on facebook and swears and cusses on it. I cannot discipline him or he will know I know. And the father...........just doesn't know or just doesn't care.

  • Comment Link TMC Monday, 02 December 2013 23:27 posted by TMC

    My husband and I took in my 13 year old niece 7 1/2 months ago. The mother is constantly teaching the kid to lie to us. We went on vacation to Florida wanting to bring my niece with us and were informed that her mother told her she should stay with her grandparents and be with her family for Thanksgiving. However, my niece packed everything in her room she could possibly carry and roll-out and my husband caught her at the door without saying goodbye! I got home from work and looked in her room and thought this isn't right she took everything! So we went to her grandparents to see what was going on. My niece was not there so we called her while we were with her grandparents in their house. My niece told us she was at her grandparents house and further embellished the lie. We told her we were at her grandparents house and she was silent. The mother got on the phone and told me that it was not that serious that she told my niece to say that. We found out the mother got an apartment and my niece lied to us for the past month about it. Then she blew off the visit with her dad this past Sunday. I received a text from my niece 4 days after we left saying "I love you Auntee and I can't wait to see you soon". I am distraught. My husband (my nieces uncle) doesn't want her back in the house because he feels like what is their next plan? If a 13-year old was deceitful about this what's next? And the lies haven't stopped. I am torn. We wanted to save this child but I don't think we can - only God can and I am not God. We gave her a good life and lots of love while we supported her but the mother continues to teach her to lie and we can't stop it. We can't win against this evil. I feel bad for the kid that she will be living in squalor again, no food, no bed, etc. but what can I do?

  • Comment Link cantdothisalone Tuesday, 19 November 2013 12:37 posted by cantdothisalone

    My ex husband alienated my now 20 year old daughter even during the marriage through undermining and bribery. When we split he took her with him (she was then 15) and the courts would not help. I was absolutely dumbfounded that they would let him do that. He had no permanent home, or means to supervise her. She ran wild and did not speak to me unless she needed something. This escalated into a second custody trial involving my son, who is now 13. My oldest testified against me and they awarded residential custody of my son to my ex. My son had to change schools, and is unsupervised most of the time. Over the past 8 months he is growing increasingly distant and has not returned texts/phone calls in over a month. He has missed visitations and goes back to his dad's early when he doesn't 'get his way' here. I have addressed it with his counselor, my attorney, and my ex. No response. I have one daughter (10) still with me, but she is so sad and divided. Her peer relationships are strained and she is struggling at school. This is the very same pattern my other two followed, and my heart is shattered watching her suffer. the advice I get is from people who have not experienced this. Their opinion ranges from "cut them off, they made their own choices, they will see the truth someday" to "don't give up, just keep trying". The truth is...nothing is working. My oldest has completely shut me and her entire extended family off. My son is heading that way. My youngest is in turmoil. I am utterly destroyed reliving this nightmare again with my daughter. Part of me wants to call the court/my ex and just say "Here, take her so we don't have to go all through another custody battle". The other part of me wants to call Dr Phil. How does it do any good to try to hang on to them when they really do seem to hate me, or my presence in their life fills them with so much anguish I can't bear it myself? Why would the courts allow kids to be taken from the person who loves and is actually parenting them? Is there anyone who can help?

  • Comment Link Linda Wednesday, 13 November 2013 03:44 posted by Linda

    I am a mum that has only spoken once to her 15 year old son in the past 12 monthds due to my ex's manipulation and alienation. I have tried all the above and was making some progress but what happens if the control they are under doesn't allow you to text, email or fb anymore.

    What upsets me the most is that my child is so angry over made up stories fed by his father. How do I communicate the truth to him?

  • Comment Link Greg Saturday, 09 November 2013 14:59 posted by Greg

    I am a man experiencing this issue myself. M wrote of his situation. I am up to almost six months with zero parenting time. Indiana prosecutors and child services have failed. Next, wait for the courts to fail me too. I am ready to snap. I am remarried, with a new baby girl, so suicide doesn't cross my mind, but the thought of everything being over, no more pain and suffering and dealing with all of this bs, sounds so nice. My ex has even got my boys to call to say they don't want to come. This woman needs jailed. Let her sit in a cell for six months, no time with her kids and see if she gets what I am going through!

  • Comment Link Blessed Too Saturday, 26 October 2013 22:33 posted by Blessed Too

    I am the grandparent who has custody of the young child of my daugther. The father is a deadbeat psycho, my daughter is biopolar, depressive and a master manipulator. She is practicing HAP during her visitation, making it really difficult for me with the child. Fortunately, the little one is well adjusted and the chaos is unfortunately normal to her. She has other family members that love her and she loves them. It is a battle for this child with these two parents who live strange lives involving self medication, alcohol, altered realities, multiple jobs, lost jobs, etc. God is blessing this child

  • Comment Link Do I deserve this Friday, 18 October 2013 04:59 posted by Do I deserve this

    Almost Broken,

    Are you me or am I you?
    I don't remember writing that post but it sounds like I did

  • Comment Link Almost Broken Friday, 09 August 2013 15:08 posted by Almost Broken

    I always knew that there were issues with my wife....baseline neurotic, anxious, overly insecure, etc..., but I always believed that I should and could stand by her...for our love and for the love of family. We never had a very close relationship...the type I believed in and wanted us to have, due to the attachment/abandonment issues that accompanied her, but I still hung on for our three kids, picked up the slack when she was depressed and generally loved being a family man...always sacrificed myself for the greater good. Sure, complaints arose after prolonged periods of sadness and depression and we both began to drink to deal with our respective issues on different levels (mine being a feeling of lost sadness at my wife's distance). Maybe we each married the wrong person and that was an under pinning cause of our issues. But, despite the shortcomings of our relational dynamic, we chose to have and love our three children. I soon came to understand that my wife, a stay at home mom, so closely identified with her role that she had no identity of her own. It then followed that her relational dynamic with her children appeared to replace her relation with me...if there ever was one. The mere ages of our children (all 3 years apart, within 30 days of another), the manner in which we initially got pregnant and a variety of other seemingly validating facts ( fight against full day kindergarten to her kids could be with her more, seeking a first home in a lesser school district to be closer to her family, ALL of whom lived within 1/2 mile of each other, always sleeping in the same bed, etc...) all seemed to further suggest that she NEEDED her children in her life more than anything, including me. We used to fght more than our share near the end as a result of the continued strain of or lack of "us." She cheated...caught her in an affair...she said I pushed her there. When she finally said she had enough and could no longer live this way, she moved into our daughter's bedroom (in a 5 bedroom home) and said we were getting a divorce, but did nothing toward that. She proclaimed to the world that she was a strong and independent woman, but played the victim...a stay at home mother with three kids and no job. She proceeded to become even closer to our oldest daughter while they roomed together...one whom I had always had an outstanding relationship with (soccer coach, friend, available dad...I was always there and available...never missed a play, event, etc...). Now, I began to watch that relationship devolve...slowly. My wife and I fought even more throughout this strained live in separation circumstance. I tried to reconcile...suggesting counseling, retreats, etc...nothing was received well. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and filed for the divorce that she wanted. She said she would ruin me...emotionally and financially...said I would be "done." I couldn't understand how that could benefit anybody. The woman I once loved was now hell bent on ruining me...ruining me for eventually agreeing to give her what she said she wanted. But, what I had realized...too late...was that what she really wanted all along was her children, not me. She then embarked upon a course of conduct to utilize the court system to drag things out...hired an attorney that appeared to have nothing more in her favor that "a plan to get things done." Essentially, make allegations, drive him out and he will tire, emotionally and financially. As time passes, you'll have the kids more and more, his money will run out and he'll eventually have to give up hope....especially if you further assist the children in believing that their father is also to blame for how their lives have changed. I watched in great sadness as I always played from the defensive side...my children growing more and more distant. On the few occasions that I would get to see them, I would here borrowed descriptive phrases...parroting of terms that they should not have known or been made aware of. They began to express fear while in my presence. I had to volunteer to have supervisor's present just to see my own children. My wife would not accommodate anything or communicate with me at all. My extended family was treated equally as black...a once loved grandmother was now being called a liar...as was I...all without corresponding reason or cause. She was winning....but was she? The children's college funds...our life savings was being spent on lawyers and court costs, therapist, etc...just to go through this unnecessary fight that I realized was more about her than anything. She was not protecting her children from anything significant...I had done nothing to warrant the treatment I had received. This was about her,..her need to hurt me, for whatever reason...and her need to be with her children...at any cost, even them. This was hurting them. They were losing a father. Who does that? Who does that to anybody, especially their own children? All I desired was what was fair...what was in their best interests. In the end, we'll pay (I'll pay) for psychological evaluations and continue the fight toward a custody trial. In the meantime, I'll hope to continue being able to survive, financially and emotionally...fight to save my home...the home I was fighting to save for my children. There will be nothing left and possibly even less to gain. As I have been advised, even if the evaluations come back in my favor...what do I win? Alienated children? The damage may well have already been done. A woman had set out to accomplish the most horrible of tasks in the most horrible fashion imaginable. The process, as slow and arduous as it was, appeared to facilitate her plan...the plan embraced by her attorney...one without need for legal skill or integrity, but one crafted merely to win...at any cost. What ever happened to the Best interests of the children? How does this equate to that?

  • Comment Link M. Friday, 02 August 2013 00:57 posted by M.

    I am going through mental hell because my x has moved and I haven't seen my kids for months. I don't know where they are and I'm at my wits end. I've been to a lawyer but she says its a long process and because she does not no where they are. I think about them every day have sat and cried. I know they are been brainwashed against me with her and her mother. I can't stand being without them any longer and have even thought about suicide.

  • Comment Link Robert Peters Saturday, 27 July 2013 13:31 posted by Robert Peters

    This story has very much hit home with myself. I have seen this sort of behaviour in my 3 children over the last year and it is getting worse now that my wife and I are moving forward with separation, leading to divorce. Personally, I didn't know what to do about it, and about all I knew is that whatever damage was being done could not be fixed overnight.

    One of my problems (and some of them none to do with the ex) is that I am not home 50% of the time to even be with my kids. Children don't always understand why another parent might have to go away for work and have to miss certain events. So, maybe they would have grown into these feelings naturally without assistance from a seemingly vindictive ex.

    What is being said on a daily basis is being said without control by anyone. My family are not even allowed to visit their grandkids/nephews/etc. when I am not around. My wife has done a very good job of controlling and manipulating what the kids hear, when they hear it and who they are hearing it from. Even to the point that she told them that we were getting divorced without me present.

    I am not sure what to do, and how time will heal their wounds, or my own. I would like to say that a change in career would be of benefit, to be there more for them. But, in doing so, the problem of being able to provide the child/spousal support becomes a problem, and the potential for another excuse to throw onto the fire.

    As Bill Gates said, life is unfair, get over it. I am more saddened that a person I loved, that I thought loved me, could be so vindictive. I am also ashamed that all comments so far have been from women, I guess it's more a case of the other way around and men do this sort of thing more often. Sorry ladies.

  • Comment Link Tom Monday, 08 July 2013 00:06 posted by Tom

    I have personally encountered this evil behavior from my ex wife and this truly a diabolical form of child abuse!

  • Comment Link judith Thursday, 04 July 2013 11:41 posted by judith

    My ex husband was abusive to me and i left him years ago and we have 2 children together but when I decided to leave him he left my kids no birthday calls or visits nothing at all now my oldest is 13 and I was a teen parent having her at 15 my ex was 27 anyways even though he was grown he abandoned his kids and I finally got divorce 10 years later cause of the fact could not find him ......now my daughter 13 she wants to know why he don't cone around I contact him and said why can't u act like u care I'm going through it she a teen I need help well biggest mistake ever now she hates me cause he blames me for not being in there life he is not helping telling her lies I already had a bypass in my brain and im so stressed I don't know Wat to do he abused me I left him he never tried at all now he saying send her give im chance to raise her but I don't trust him he claim if she go his 18 year old stepson will watch over her when he working that threw a red flag .....Help

  • Comment Link victor Monday, 10 June 2013 04:52 posted by victor

    I'm going threw it with my daughter who is 12 she is on her phone the whole time she is with me and and texting mommy if its ok and I feel that she only calls me when she needs things never get a text back from her or a call I text and text nothing bran washing my daughter I just think its bad parentting on her part and its hard on me she's 12 now and hope my daughter will pick up on it yes and I have always payed my child support and more I never was a bead beat mybe the X needs court papers sent to her and have a child sicaligist talk to my daughter the courts will not like what they hear I'm just saddend by it all

  • Comment Link bmc Monday, 20 May 2013 12:27 posted by bmc

    When we are entering the throes of subtle or overt signs that our ex or husband, wife, spouse, partner is alienating us from our children it should be stopped as soon as possible. But hindsight is golden.

    I agree with so many posters here. But we still all have unique situations. My husband and I divorced but due to economics and him saying he wanted to get back I moved back into the home I designed, helped pay for and build - 5 years ago, thinking it would all eventually come around. Not so, it has just got worse for me and our eldest daughter.

    10 years of her being over indulged by her father and him mixing up roles of her rights in our home, as if she owned everything has caused enormous damage to her and me. After several moves away and not finishing University, Now she will be a single mom from the looks of her disastrous marriage and her dad is there as if he is the husband. Very sick. And I can't imagine this life without being with my children or part of their lives.

    The problem lies is the parent who will suffer the alienations usually very vulnerable at the time of a split or upset in the family. My husband was rarely hands on with raising the children. He was the "play dad" when he felt like it only. If given any responsibility he would lash out at me. He wanted me to raise the children ,clean the home, gardens, do all the finances, paperwork, and the whole shebang. But he ends up stepping in as a hero, undoing or undermining good parenting for young children and teens. What teen will listen to a parent if they are getting everything they want from Dad?

    The out of control spending in our home and lack of discipline when I was very ill, was outrageous. But that is just the beginning. I lost my oldest child to that parenting style, and it was cruel and unjust. Each time I rally to bring energy to get a functional family, the tri-angling occurs again, and my ex husband is crying on our eldest shoulder how hard it is.

    He chooses between her and I. As we are living together and things went really well with our youngest daughter. I caught things with her as she was still young enough. But the ensuing tri-angling of our eldest who is always reacting and has used our money, resources and energy to come and go for years has caused enormous strife and predominantly for her and I.

    I was ill for a period of time, when the parenting and household management was no longer happening, as when I was out of commission, my husband just went to work and figured it all just happened when he was away. But as I got better and started reading more, I could not believe all the signs were clearly parental alienation, but in a subtle way. Without telling a huge long story, for this has been 10 years of this now, it is devastating. Our family on both sides knows and exclaims that I was a good mom, wife, homemaker.

    They saw the effort put into healthy young girls, educational opportunities with fun interspersed. Age appropriate discipline and did not hit them. Maybe few spankings with the eldest at most. They were hugged, loved, allowed to experiment with cooking, sports they liked and lots of days where we just had fun at parks, the beach.
    Days of exploration and allowing them (within reason) choices that were age appropriate.

    My husband slowly undermined good parenting, but handing them everything or allowing them to do things behind my back as if mom was a meanie. The list can go on. I made sure I cultivated good relationships with my mother in law and our large family, so our children would have a loving trust and relationship with not just me.

    And now my eldest is a mother of 2 and in and out of her relationship with her husband running back home but hating to be around me so my husband turns circles, spends tons more money and energy to capitulate to her dysfunction to avoid me. It is scary and cruel to watch. But because we have a beautiful home and it looks good to everyone else he gets away with it saying he is just a good dad looking after his children. For example, I don't actually know what she is even doing this time coming home from 4000 kilometers with a 3 month baby and 2 year old. I just got the final, final letter that her education funds are now totally expired and the account is closed (that was the interest and bonus money from investing in education funds). Then I get a letter in the mail that she has applied for student loans? I said she is going back to school? I never knew, so I would have one more time wrote a sob letter to the Education authority holding the invested bonus to extend her funds. But that is 6000 dollars down the drain, because my husband keeps this all away from me because she tells him too. It is very difficult to even write it, because it seems so incredulous.

    Even my youngest daughter age 23 is duped thinking it is all her moms fault that it is just conflict of personality. I then try so hard to improve myself, my words, my actions and it seems like a nightmare, that if I even say a kind word to my granddaughter and show her where the toys are on one of her second visits in 18 months, I get berated to leave her alone. My daughter or husband did not even tell her who I am. But the cruelty ensues when they are enjoying Christmas or just spending time always without me. That happened only once and I said never again.

    I am shut out totally. My daughter came over with my grandchildren, of whom she will not let me hold, and shuns me while in our home. I have apologized sincerely for anything that she felt had been terrible for her as a child or teen. I don't know what it is, she never says. I have sincerely held back and given her large chunks of time to think about how I love her and only wish the best and to be a family and in her life as appropriately as a mother to an adult daughter. She asks for time and then a year will go by with no word. My patience of this pattern as we all know is very entrenched after 10 years. And the person responsible is my husband for keeping one hand on my chest and one around his daughters arm, to keep us away.

    The conflict and healing would have long ago taken place had he not stood in the middle of all this. I had my conflict with the younger daughter acting as if she owned the house and was a woman of the world, living off our money and resources. Young people these days especially are immature in the ways of worldly costs and living, for lack of better word. They have no clue of how long it took us to get where we are, and they work 1/10th of the way we worked when young. But the roles are mixed up, my husband's culture treats them as if they own everything and they have more rights than me. My husband berates or maligns me in front of the girls on occasion or he argues about something in front of them, that we need to discuss and agree on behind closed doors, then come in with our decision that impacts our finances or efforts.

    What a lot of work it took to help my younger daughter understand her role, her responsibility and my love for her was ever lasting. She threw full blown tantrums when I was consistent about her filling out her own forms for her school or medical. I helped her incrementally and prepared her for the transition for her doing things for herself and still she threw a tantrum. But once it was over, she eventually did what she had to do and was pumped up with confidence for doing it herself.

    Whereas, my husband pays for everything or lets them get out of their responsibilities too quickly. As for my eldest daughter, he is so afraid to lose her he does not see he is causing the damage and harms. But the problem one sees is that this causes suffering for her, and harms all around.

    I agree with so many posters here. But we still all have unique situations. My husband and I divorced but due to economics and him saying he wanted to get back I moved back in 5 years ago, thinking it would all eventually come around.

    Now she will be a single mom from the looks of her disastrous marriage and her dad is there as if he is the husband. Very sick. And I can't imagine this life without being with my children or part of their lives. And the added fact of constant humiliation when others talk about or ask about your daughter or son. Wow, that is crushing to lie all the time. Or to hear what your daughter is up to without knowing a thing. Excruciating.

    The people who say get on with it and live without hope or as if they are lost forever, are not in my situation. The love of one daughter who is in my life and sees clearly I am a good mother is holding me together, but she is not responsible for my happiness or to fix this.

    And when one is living with the people who are hurting one severely, and economically bound that is tough too. I am always "running away" only to return because I am living in abject poverty due to my age and a small disability where I am limited with types of work to perform.

    Yet I run a beautiful home, gardens and a very successful vacation retreat. Which I have done each time I pull myself up to say I must get healthy and energized to be all I an be, but this loss or hope, just throws one to the ground each and every time the lost child comes back to the fold in this dysfunctional way or one hears she is alone when she had her second child and suffering. And she tells me I cannot go to her.

    It is like telling a woman who is getting beat up to get on with her life and just stay there and remain in that abuse. Excruciatingly cruel, but my husband and daughter do not see this cruelty.

    Sadly, the stats say 80% chance that alienated adult children will have their own children alienate them, because that is what they learn.

    I pray, go to church, try to have positive thoughts and ask God continually to help me let it go, to help me know my part, how I can improve.

    But I defy any grown woman, mother to put up with being shunned while in her own home, and those shunning enjoying revelry with each other to not be affected.

    I defy anyone to put up with blatant insults and damage in their own home when that wayward child comes being indulged by the other parent.
    I have wanted to end my life, but I know the harms on my youngest daughter would be for a lifetime. But the pain, I so understand to try to escape that pain.

    It is debilitating, it is like telling a person in a car accident to just get up and walk when they have fresh wounds and get over it and on with their life, without appropriate healing time. But if they have an accident over and over? That is how the yo yo of an alienated child (adult child) works in life.

    God help us all.

  • Comment Link Mimsy Starr Wednesday, 10 April 2013 22:35 posted by Mimsy Starr

    RE - Ex Husband Has Endangered My Sons Life!

    If you are really concerned with your ex's behaviour towards your son, then you should seek legal advice. Voicing your opinion on this forum only makes you sound controlling and jealous. My husband's ex wife has made similar allegations against us, and is trying (without success) to turn his their son (who I shall refer to always on this forum as P) against us. The similarities in your accusations are remarkable! : except we apparently we 'kicked P out' and made him sleep at the local school, and we don't feed him or clothe him, and he's abusive to his son, and I'm a slut... blah blah blah. None of the allegations are true - the truth is she is an angry person who can't move on, and sees P as an extension of herself. The only person she is hurting is her son. My husband and I love P, and the boy loves us. You can't hide or stop a loving relationship. Be supportive of your ex instead of disparaging. It will make all the difference to your child's mental health.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 23 February 2013 21:16 posted by Guest

    16 yr old daughter : I feel ur pain oh so well. I'm n the same boat with no paddles drifting out n the water alone. My world is not complete without my daughter. After 14 years of raising her alone. One weekend she desided after his house that she hated me and called me trash. So she lives with him now (long story short) and its been almost 2 years and she refuses 2 talk or see me. He doesn't make her go 2 schoool nothing. Its crazy. Now my mother is sick with cancer and she refuses 2 see her I believe because of my ex. Idk my heart will 4ever b broken

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 21 February 2013 08:23 posted by Guest

    alienation: ...
    Hi
    I have gone from the two week new boyfriend moving in being called dad, to the constantly badmouthing ex, to the screwing the schedule up to benifit from time ex, to the full out usin g the kid a s a pawn ex.
    all fueled by her psychological issues and insecurities.
    now I just dont trust women as they appear to be brought up t be like this all day every day ... if the child came from her utereus than it belongs to her.
    Mike

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 09 February 2013 03:49 posted by Guest

    Not everyone handles a: Not everyone handles a situation in the same manner as others. It is rather naive to say that anyone, including a mother, SHOULD be this way, and SHOULD act that way. I personally feel persecuted by my ex for reasons I will never understand. I love my daughter but I am human and sometimes the pain is just debilitating. Everytime I have to face that emptiness, I die a little more. Everyday, I wake up and wish I were dead. I do not want to hurt so deeply everyday but it happens and you either accept it or you don't...I cannot accept that my selfish, conniving, abusive, no-good ex pushed my buttons so hard, I caved. I couldn't deal with the pain & I attempted suicide which made things worse. These feelings are real & not even remotely close to being easy to change. Wake up. Do not condemn others.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 03 February 2013 09:36 posted by Guest

    Ex Husband Has Endangered My Sons Life!: Need Advice Please. I got divorced 2 years ago. Shared custody with my ex. Recently My ex got remarried to a stripper and distasteful and scary things starting coming out of my sons mouth that put his life endanger when sleeping over by my ex husband. As well as my ex has stopped paying maintenance for the Last 3 months. Facts below are. 1. The fact that my son sleeps in a car alone in the car park at night at lollipop stripper lounge while my ex is inside with his wife, while was alone in the car and needing the toilet. 2. His wife sleeps all morning while my ex is out shopping and son is left in her care, and my son goes running around in the complex unsupervised. 3. When he is with you, you are busy on the computer while Ashton is left alone to entertain himself with Movies and PSP only. 4. My son has mentioned distasteful (sexually related) DVDs that my ex has been watching in front of my son 5. He Holds back the maintenance and it shows me what my son means to him and it is proof he has no interest in him, as he is the one that will loose out on a better education where the money could be used on, extra murals and better activities, better schooling and clothing. (Hockey, cricket, earth buddies etc.) Which all cost money. 6. I didn't stop my ex from seeing my son, I only held back and made all visits supervised, as I don't want my son in that environment and being endangered again. Where or what else can I do?

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 02 February 2013 18:25 posted by Guest

    My Kids Will Not Have Anything to do with Me: After 14 years of marriage, I came to grips with the fact that I was gay. I came out to my wife and we went through a six month grieving process before I finally knew I had to move out. At the time my son was 10 and my daughter was 8. I will forever hear my son screaming "Noooooo" when we sat down to tell the kids that I was leaving the house to try and figure some things out.
    I was advised by the councellor who we had hired to work with us, to not tell the kids why I was leaving. I was also advised to break off contact with the kids for awhile soas to see what it would be like to live without them. It was terrible advice. This councellor has been oblivious to my role as a Dad in this relationship with my kids, and sided only with helping my kids move on without me. I was promised by my ex that when the time came that the kids should know I was gay, that I could tell them. In both instances, she went ahead and told them, without me.
    We lived in a small community and I felt it best that for the kids to avoid ridicule, that I moved out of the community. The kids and I continued to skype every week and I attended as many of the kids events as I could. I left my kids with my ex so that I did not disrupt their lives any more than I already did. From all accounts I felt my ex was a great Mom and she agreed that we both needed to be a part of our kids lives.
    I owned a very lucrative business at the time and I sold it 6 months following our breakup. However, my e claimed that for marital asset splitting, that the business was worth far more than I sold it for and we ended up in a bitter court battle to settle the financial part of our divorce.
    Despite all the courses that told us that we were not to share our bitterness towards each other with our kids, my ex took the time to continue to belittle and drag my name through the mud. Her family disowned me and over time my kids started to want to be with me less and less. They stopped coming to my family gatherings and when my son recently graduated high school, I was not invited as a parent to the celebration. When he was introduced, they indicated that his Mom and her boyfriend were his parents.
    All along I have tried to take the high road. Whenever they did not want me to come to an event to see them play or participate, I honoured their wishes. When I asked to spend time with them, my ex said my kids did not want to come to see me. Over the past 8 years, my kids have had less and less to do with me. They no longer return my texts or will not even meet to let me give them Christmas presents etc.
    I am truly a loving parent and want to be a part of their lives. I have never run down their Mother in any communications with them ever (even though I dearly wanted to). I refuse to do the blame game or say...hey...I am not the bad guy here.

    I do not know what to do nor who to turn to. My family was all very supportive of my coming out as a gay man. I have never taken my partner with me to any of the kids events so not to further embarrass them.

    My last communication with my daughter was almost two years ago now...when she bolding told me that it was not the fact that I was gay that she wants nothing to do with me, but rather becuase of all the things that I put her Mom through in the divorce. This is such a terrible load of crap. It was because she wanted to argue to take move than half of what we had was the reason we went to court. I always was willing to give her half...continued to pay support as required without complaint. My ex even took me to court when I moved back closer to my kids and took a job that paid less than I was getting...she claimed I was underemployed and should have got a better job so that her support was not affected. The judge laughed her out of court.

    But...every chance that anything happens...no matter what...I am to blame.

    I am so tired of this and many times in anger I have said to myself...fine...you don't want me in your life...I don't want you in mine. But I never do it...I love my kids dearly and want to be able to spend time with them.

    Oh...the reason I did not move forward with visitation rights or scheduled visits was due to the fact that when I did press for that (all I was asking for was a weekend a month...one of their choosing soas not to interupt their schedules) I received two letters, each from my kids, mailed from the councellors office...that told me that I should grow up and that they did not want to spend any time with me.

    I could have gone to court and won easily to gain access to my kids, but if they did not want to see me, I figured, should I force them to be with me.

    It is a very sad situation. I do not know what to do.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 01 February 2013 20:11 posted by Guest

    Been there done that.: Our stories are somewhat similar, feelings are TOTALLY the same. Only I have a boy and a girl, both late teens, I know where they are and they know where I am. I was just out-of-my-mind-sick-wish-I-were-dead for SO long.i had the same deal with 'grandma' totally in on the ' keep the kids away from their Mother' life-style. Oh my God, I DON'T GET IT!! How can someone who is a MOTHER themselves, participate in such a horrible crime against the CHILD? Are they so frikken messed up that they think it's a GOOD THING for the child to live in a world of lies? When little children are taught from the beginning that lies are BAD!? And now, being that I am from a dysfunctional family, my very own SISTER is also contributing to the culture of SHAME. ' YOUR MOM is a disgrace, she doesn't have a job, no home of her own...'. Not spoken words, but a CULTure.

    Don't even want to go there. Sometimes I wonder "What the hell did I do to deserve this torture?". Stop myself. Bad thoughts, stop obsessing. Because the anguish anger hatred becomes YOU! And you will drive people away, even your DEAREST friends begin to avoid you. BIG CLUE: I start talking and my friend interrupts with a totally obscure different topic. Kinda reminds me of when I was married to Path, he would always start in when we were all trapped in the car. Verbal abuse, harangues, whatever, boiled down to 'Bitch, waste of space, why don't you kill yourself?". And GRANDMAW would chime in "So, how is your MICROWAVE working?" . Not lying.

    Damn, I am going there, but pulling back right now because it's coming and becoming me again. I can't stay THERE! Run away. Yeah, I have run away before, but you MUST run away from this reality as your life . I mean, you need to find another definition of yourself. It is so GODDAMN sad, alien.

    Cold, hard fact is you need to move on. So VERY difficult to disengage your self from a role you have dreamed of and desired since you were a little girl, the role that nature created for your body to fulfill. All around you are images of Mother and Child, families, HAPPY families every time you see these images it feels like another FRESH knife wound twisting in your heart, just as painful as the first of the millions you have suffered daily constantly never ending...

    Reality. Your child is not the same child you were raising, will never be that child EVER AGAIN. You must accept this, your dream is dead. Absolutely grieve this loss, get help for this. Otherwise, it will rule you, your ex and your changeling child controlling YOUR life. And if you think they give a damn about you, or even really THINK about you, forget it. I read something from an expert on alienation of a child which was a real eye-opener. That is, you think about your child all day long, but by the time they are a teen they rarely think about YOU. Which happens even in normal circumstances. How much did you think about or worry about what effects your behavior was having on your Mom when you were 17? As for me, the answer is virtually NEVER! I did whatever I wanted to do, I was a problem child because of my circumstances. I was not trying consciously to hurt my parents, they did the best they knew how. Sadly, they came up short which has had profound ramifications. Long ago, I made peace with this. But I know I did hurt them deeply with my bad behavior.I guess it's true, Karma IS a bitch.

    So you need to move on. You need to harden your heart, I am sorry but this is what is necessary for you to heal. Intellectually you know that you have no control over other's behavior. As a mother, it is extremely difficult to accept you no longer have control of your child. When your mother-role was abruptly and cruelly ripped away from you, your child was still at an age where you were supposed to exercize control and apropriately discipline your child for unacceptable behavior. Those days are dead and gone, this is a fact of life. Work on letting go of the mother-role, in your head and in your heart.

    Here comes the same 'Dear Abby' advice which is absolutely cliche, but absolutely spot-on to your future well being. You need to create a new life for yourself that doesn't involve motherhood. Unless you feel that perhaps working with other children in a mentoring way is something that will bring you joy. I think in the future I might be interested, not ready yet.

    For now, I try to avoid situations that are about children/families like the plague. TV shows, even commercials, shut it down. SO thankful Holidays are over, my birthday falls during this period. The first time since my daughter was born that I didn't even receive so much as a frikken TEXT message to acknowledge the day of my birth. Add to that, the first time in my life that my own mother was not present, she died last February. Foolishly I expected my daughter would take that into consideration as I was extremely close to my mother, devastated by losing the one person that loved me unconditionally. Foolishly one believes that one's children will love their mother unconditionally, that is how I felt about my mother and father. They screwed up as parents in many ways, but I NEVER did not love them or say awful, disrespectful hurtful things to them.

    Our reality is TOTALLY different than how we, and most other people, were raised to expect, different in a sick unnatural way. That is because our child's other parent is actively, purposefully, successfully working to destroy us, and teaching our children that they should scorn and be ashamed of us, to avoid us at all costs, that we are BAD. This is happening due to our former spouse's deep-seated mental illness, these are deeply DISTURBED individuals. Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Sociopathic Personality Disorder, pathological liar, they have no ability for empathy, to feel for someone else. They either don't realize or don't care if they are hurting others, if I would give the benefit of the doubt, I would probably say a combination of both. Sick and tired of being screwed over by giving *everyone* the benefit of the doubt. So I prefer to think and in fact have solid evidence that this was a well-thought out plan, executed over a number of years and with the explicit cooperation of mommie dearest. These twisted types are motivated by a couple of completely selfish, evil, destructive ways of self-preservation. Because SELF-preservation is of the utmost importance, others are just collateral damage in the pursuit of self-gratification and aggrandizement. For my ex, it was all about the Benjamin's- the last thing on earth he wanted was to give me any of what he considered HIS money.

    Regardless, what's done is done. I am penniless and childless, an empty husk of the bright, vivacious, interesting person I used to be. But I WILL scratch and claw my way back, this is the year of ME. And I suggest you join in. I don't know where you live, but I am fortunate to live in a major metropolitan area of the U.S., there are support groups for everything and anything. But even if you live in a more isolated area, there are a lot of Internet groups as well. Explore 'Parental Alienation Syndrome' on line. Most people have no idea of what this means. They CERTAINLY don't understand the horrific reality you are living, it's as if your child has been killed and you wish to be dead yourself just so the unbearable pain would STOP!

    I was very mentally ill for about 10 years, so ill for the last 6 or 7 years I required numerous hospitalizations because I had no will to live. I still struggle mightily, I HAVE TO CHANGE! Hard to leave the house, hard to have energy to do anything due to the Depression plaguing me. Baby steps. Letting go of dreams, accepting reality. We must accept we are POWERLESS! Over others. The only power we have is over ourselves and as long as we continue to make our losses define who we are, the person who stole the most precious thing in our lives is in control. I REFUSE to let that bastard to control me any longer.

    My attitude toward my children is that of, not indifference, but trying to disengage my emotions related to their treatment of me. It's so difficult, but it must be done. The fact is our children have been terribly damaged, they are victims as well. People say"Oh, don't worry, they will come back when they are older! You are making too much out of this, they are teenagers after all." I have a couple of thoughts on these 'words of wisdom'. I will be kind to start out.

    There is truth to the idea that a teenager's developmental job is to become separate from their parents and find their own identity, a sometimes painful process for all concerned even in the most un-dysfunctional families (are there any?).

    My real feelings? I want to SCREAM " YOU have NO F-ING IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!" I have been reading and researching PAS for a couple of years. People are sick and tired of hearing me trying to explain what I am experiencing. It is obsessive and it takes over your life. Others WILL shun you, trust me. Really, who wants to listen to the same thing time after time, about your agonizing suffering miserable existence? It becomes even worse as you learn more about PAS. They will come back eventually? Well considering I have missed out on my children's teen years, never gonna get that back. Damn the undertow is pulling me HARD! Trying to drag me out and drown me again, and I have spent the whole day writing this. But journalling is supposed to be helpful, let it out, GET it OUT! I am going to focus on getting back to accepting and moving on with my life, gonna steer back to the focus of getting healthier, getting a life. Being helpful to you who are reading this so that my experiences can hopefully benefit and have worth for the good of others.

    So I need to conclude. It will not be like in the movies or TV, wrapped up in a pretty package, happily ever after. We know that real life can be very ugly and very unfair. Accept the hand that has been dealt you. It has taken me too long, wasted too many years with why me, this is not right, not FAIR! Do I have a right to those feelings? Absolutely. I am 53 years old. Do I want to spend the rest of the years I have above dirt feeling THOSE feelings? HELL NO! As stated before, no control over others. My children, your children, may NEVER come back. If and when they do, they will be messed up, no way they cannot be. I already have heard incredible stories of the horrible things I have done. Let me tell you, one TINY bit of truth in there, like I went on a vacation. But the rest is complete pack of lies. Ok, come back, don't get upset, be succinct, just the facts of possibilities and not about you personally, wasted far too much time there.

    Make a life that doesn't involve your children, find other things to focus on, help others. Do things that make you feel better, heal. Get therapy, a big thing in mental health now is called 'Mindfulness'. Basically, it's learning to quiet your mind, easier said than done. It involves focusing on breathing, it's meditation. There are CD's out, one I really liked is Ken Cohen's series, on Amazon, 'Qui Gong Meditation' not sure of the spelling. If you can't afford to buy, the library is free. I have done it in the past, takes time before you can stop intrusive thoughts, but really IT DOES HELP! It does make you feel more peaceful, less frantic, less like you are dying of a broken heart. I need to follow my own advice, went to one Buddhist meditation and it was great! The gist of what I am trying to communicate to those of you experiencing the rejection of your children is let go of your expectations of what should be. Get involved in positive ways to live your life without them, the reality is you ARE without them. You only have control over your actions and reactions. Take that control BACK! Do not have any expectations of what SHOULD happen, how you taught your children to behave, because your influence has been gone for a long time. Truth is, the main influence in their life is an evil, sick person. So heartbreaking, but it is what it is. I am going to steal from the Army ad, but BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE! More cliches to come. You only live once. Start living again, for you. That way, if they do come back, you will be strong and healthy, better able to help them if that's what they want from you. But also, stronger and wiser to recognize if what they are really looking for is 'revenge', it's not about you. Maybe you will be able to steer them in a better direction. No one can predict what life holds for us in the future, or for our loved ones. So get a grip...on yourself!

    and maybe they won't do not have expectations move on find something else that brings you the feeling of fulfillment

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 25 January 2013 17:47 posted by Guest

    Parent Alienation: I live in Aberta. Canada and this is my story... We had been together 23 yrs....In 2011 my ex started a new job. He met a woman and told me about her saying she was in a bad relationship and had few friends. Said he would like us to get to know her .. gut feelings started then, he had cheated on my before. He brought her and her 2 young kids to our home and I met her she, he brought her to become friends wow. I started watching his cell bill and saw that he was calling and texting her 30 plus time a day, that was just out going. I knew then he was having an affair. She tossed her husband out in Oct 2011 and by the end of Jan 2012 he told me to get out. I ask her to her face if she was having an affair with my husband, she hugged me said no we are just friends he thinks of me as one of the guys and I do not have feelings for him at all other than friends, needless to say I did not believe that load of s***. So when he told me to get out he told me he had already been talking to our then 15 yr old daughter and she was fine with it. I said we should have both talked to her that is so wrong. He said to bad.I have no idea what he said to her and she would not say. During the time it took to get the house ready for sale we found a paralegal to draw up a separation agreement, he turned out to be a nut bar and I said I didn't want to use him, the ex said we were using him hes cheap. Long story short they bullied me into signing an agreement I was not comfy with. My ex is very controlling his way or no way. He controlled with mental abuse manipulation and threats. He has a explosive temper and freaks out so bad all the time both my daughter and I are afraid of him. The whole time our daughter stayed in her room avoiding the now very harsh abuse and fights. He went after her so bad one day she was crying so hard she came to me told me she does not want to live with her dad he was such a jerk, but she wanted to stay in her school and did not want to lose her friends. She is ADD and had been in 4 schools already to help her and this one was her last school before graduating. I could not bring myself to move her so agreed to her staying with her dad for school as long as they lived by the school. Told her if she ever needed to get out my door was open and we would work something out. We cried and hugged each other like we didn't want to let go and I told her how much I loved her and how sorry I was that this was happening she told me she loved me so much. I can not afford to live on my own so I moved back with my dad who is old in bad health and needs someone to help out. They were to live with his mom or get a place close to the school. I wish I had never agreed to that. With in a week of spiting he moved in with his girlfriend and her 2 kids from work who lives over 45 min from from her school and left our daughter to live with his mom. She had been in on the plan from the get go. To this day they all deny that he is living with his girlfriend. Funny he was served divorce papers at her place at 6 am on a week day on his time with our daughter. I had been friends with his mom from the start she told me she loved me like the daughter she never had I was her best friend only friend and confidant. She used this to help manipulate me into signing the contract and has been helping him the whole time. I was so stressed I lost over 70 lbs from Feb to April. I could not eat or sleep. While we were working on the agreement I spoke to legal aid found out that we could do mediation for free instead of paying this jerk to do it. The ex just said his fav saying ... f*** u ... told me that is I went to alimony or anything he had a lawyer and he would let then go nuts leave me penniless on the street and I would never see my daughter again. Here the alienation begins he started telling her that all I wanted was money that I was getting all the money from the sale of the house. My daughter told me this, also that he was giving me money every month, I get nothing from him but BS. He paid me a portion of his part of the sale of the house to make me go away. Over the summer my daughter came to me every other week his mom went out of town those weeks and they needed someone to look after my daughter, other than that I got her every other weekend when he did not interfere with my time with her. Getting her to lie about hanging out with friends to be with him and his GF on my time. I caught her in the lies. He leaves her with his mom and tells her she cant tell me or he will be in trouble. Then Halloween night I go see a friend that lies 2 doors down from where they are supposed to be living and the neighbor that lives in between comes over sees me and said .. whats up with your mom in law I have not seen the truck there in over a month and a half I did see a moving truck. MY heart sank I went to the house where my daughter is to be living and its empty, I burst into tears wondering where my child is they stole her, I felt physically ill . The moved her almost 2 months before and to this day have no idea where she is and whom she is living with. So because of his crap I moved on with filing for divorce and named the paralegal as a third party in the case because he did things illegal. When they were served the paralegal went to my ex and did exactly what the threatened me with they made up lies about me and told my daughter now it has been over 3 months since I have seen or talked to her. They told her that I am telling people that her dad is not her real dad and that all I want is money. She has 4 people telling her the same thing so why should she not think it true...right? I had a escape plan set with my kid so if things got bad with her dad because of his insane temper she could get away she planned most of it with a friend and her mom with my knowledge. Now I am the bad person because he told me if I got a lawyer went for alimony or did anything he would make sure I never saw her again. I kept a journal the whole time documenting conversation between him and I or should I say threats. The paralegal was helping me at one point took me to a good lawyer but he harassed me so bad I asked the lawyer if he got a referral fee, the lawyer told him I asked this and he came unglued threatened me with calling my ex telling him whatever and backing him up I was going down and he did just that. He has made a deal with my lawyer now in exchange for his co operation to have the charges I was suing him with dropped because he knew he was in huge trouble. But he did his damage already. All I have ever done is want to spend time with my baby I love her so much and have never done anything to hurt her .. I stand corrected I did by leaving her with him and his 2 faced mom. I text her that I love her everyday, she used to hug me like no tomorrow and tell me she loved me to .. now my heart is broken and he sits back with his shit eating grin laughing. He used her as a pawn to get his way and now she is the one paying for it. The pure hate I have felt from him from the time he said .. we need to talk I'm done you have a week to pack... is evil and insane. Worst part is his GF and mom are backing him how can a mother feel right about doing this to a child and mom .. makes me sick...I know now what it feels like to be one of those parents whose child is missing .. at least I know mine is alive just not where she is... I don't know how I'm going to deal with this the fight has just begun money is running out and I do not want to give up ... my daughter is my life without her I have no life :(

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 25 January 2013 16:39 posted by Guest

    my 16yr old daughter: I have a 16yr old daughter who refuses to go to school, she will not listen to me and i have no control over she lives with a member of my family and she and her grand mother have all the say as to what she does. I have told the socail worker that I wipe my hands of her but they seem to think it is a big joke no matterwhat I do for her it is thrown back in my face. I love my daughter but she has no time for me. I have now been called into the school because of her attendance record and I dont no my rights as I am sure I will get the blame for all of this. She has a two year old child which is my real concern, her behaviour will her future.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 25 January 2013 16:16 posted by Guest

    daughter: I have a daughter just turned 16 she wont live with me her mother but lives with a family member. She will not go to school and I have no say in her up bringing, I have washed my hands off her as social service dont want to no she does her own thing and I have no control over her she has a 2yr old child which is my concern at the moment I love my daughter but she is ruining her life. I have now been called in to the school to sort this out, but how do you sort out this problem when my family have interfered and in have no say what my daughter does. do I have any parental rights at all.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 23 January 2013 23:40 posted by Guest

    Access denial for no apparent reason: Hi, I can empathise and sympathise. My partner has recently lost his children due to his ex of 4 years suddenly becoming bitter now that he has met someone else. We have tried the nicely nicely approach and now too will have to go the costly court route. However the children don't want to see him and we are not sure why or how the courts will view this. The mother has done nothing to help them under stand or make them visits their father. He is in bits he loves and misses his children. The children are 8 and 12. The oldest sends him abusive text messages and the youngest wont speak at all. He has asked their mother to play ball with mediation and she is refusing. We are at a loss as to where to go now as she won't answer calls or the door. The children are children and are not old enough to be allowed to make these decisions in my opinion and should be made to talk it out with their father. However it suit the mother as now she gets more money and has applied to the csa after 4 years of a friendly arrangement. My partner has done nothing and it breaks my heart to see this happening. Surely the law must be able to force th mother to attend mediation with the children?

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 15 January 2013 20:15 posted by Guest

    ex-took total control violated money and parenting time orders: My Ex is creepy! He has turned my 17 yr old daughter totally agianst me ..she acts just like him, I have never seen such deep seated hate. My lawyer said I need to put a motion in as she will not get involved with parenting time. My daughter works and he has ll her money. My ex sai she will be 18 in may and I am a terrible mother ..the courts will consider her choice over mine...he has been turing her againt me for the past three yrs...i have said some nasty things about him in front of her but...come on..move on

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 13 January 2013 12:02 posted by Guest

    not allowed any visitation or communication at all: i have a problem...not sure how to deal with it. My fiancé went to court in november for visitation of his child. His son is ten. His ex has kept them from having any communications for two years. We were very concerned at this point that she had poisoned the son against my fiancé. We hired the WRONG attorney. Paid 8k and he was way too new. He didn't know how to present evidence and the other attorney walked all over us. Our attorney didn't know how to dispute anything or even enter evidence. Every time he tried, the other attorney objected and he didn't know what to do. Long story made short, the judge told us we are not to email, or try to call or send cards or anything to this child until further notice. This is wrong. A son needs his dad and time is slipping away. We are not rich and can't afford another 8k but this was just a temp trial and we need to find a better lawyer so Liam can see his son. He has not done anything wrong and is sad and cries all the time. This is all taking place in NC but we are in Az...can anyone give advice?
    thanks

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 07 January 2013 02:38 posted by Guest

    parent Alienation: we are exactly the same . My father Etienne from school as she cried kept her away ,died his 3Rd wife then was given custody as my relative. I don't know or talk to her judge have her custody and new wife have my child to someone right after. My kid says I abandon her but when say I didn't and would she like tao visit she says she's she is busy she doesn't respond to anything I do. sy

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 January 2013 18:17 posted by Guest

    Hi, My fifteen year old old: Hi, My fifteen year old old lives with his dad. he won'r see me speak to me or even text me. He hid from me when he saw me in town and just returned his birthday card to me. He wouldn't take Christmas presents from me. His dad lies about me constantly but says I lie. My other kids see him and tell me what he says. My youngest hates the way he talks and doesn't want to stay with him anymore - so my ex blames me for it! My middle kid cries when he comes back to me - probably becaus he's confused and upset. I won't say bad stuff about their dad as they should love whatever he has done to me.

    Its hard, really hard. when you are the care giver for all those years and their dad shows no interest, suddenly he can do no wrong for the fifteen year old. But I get it, he's got his dad's attention finally and if that means dissing me that's what he has to do. He is a victim and I hope one day when he's older he'll understand he's been emotionally abused. Till then all I can do is be here and keep hoping and praying.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 03 January 2013 02:55 posted by Guest

    My x¤wife left my 9 month son: My x¤wife left my 9 month son and I for a binge. In 3 states, then joined army. No calls, no letter, 2 years, didnt know until she had been back home and seen friends who
    Said they had talked to her but she was already gone again. Two months Later, I get ahold of a sergant, with garnishes her wages FINALLY A LITTLE HELP!! And the $ means now shes around saying she can take
    Care of him now that he can wipe his own butt, and that they shared a bond when she was on the dope trying ro give a hungry Baby 3 months old,cough syrup, and now shes Mad because Step 7 on her 12 step program isnt working when hes lost 6 yrs now? Muste cause
    Im very crazy. Just like every dude who gets custody of his kids, in court. Just like lotta this stuff says.. I mean On thisit site I mean sounds like rants if ppl who really want forgiveness...

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 02 January 2013 17:51 posted by Guest

    Parent Alienation: I was married to an abusive man and had 2 children now ages 26 and 18. My son is still in high school and about to graduate this May but not he has a major problem with me. He hates me stated I was the cause for the divorce and screams at me during therapy session. We had made attempts in the past to go to therapy but somehow did not find the right person but since he was caught with DUI at school I took him to therapy. During therapy I found out that when I divorced his father was calling me whore and all sorts of names because I dated. Now my son felt that I should of spent time with him.. which I did and I had to work 2 jobs. I think I gave him too much and now he is the most ungrateful child I ever know. My daughter I put her through college and when she graduated became very close with my ex and started to hate me and acting out saying she did not want me in her life. I was so hurt because all those years I had no clue she felt that way. I am so hurt but I am strong and I know God knows my heart. I worked so hard to provide for them and tried to show them support and love but I guess it was not enough....the evil bastard is looking good and got the reaction that he wanted. 26 years down the drain but I will hold my head up....

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 25 December 2012 22:51 posted by Guest

    I am also married to an NPD: I am also married to an NPD who has been systematically turning my adored 16 year old son against me. we are still living in the same house and I refuse to leave because I fear it will get worse (that my son will be turned more against me). this is a living hell, I have only one child and this is breaking my heart.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 23 December 2012 05:48 posted by Guest

    Hi i just found this site. I: Hi i just found this site. I didnt know thete was s name for what myex husband was doing. I didnt understand whywmy kids were acting like this. We had an unbreakable bond so i thought. I hav
    e almost given up. I have let my i have let my son slip away more than id like to sdmit, but money has been agsinst me. I have severe anxiety and ptsd and im on disabilty. My ex hasfamily with money and had good lawyers while i had noone. He isa monster. He told me he did all this cuz i divorced him. He got me at a timehen i was at my lowes and struck like a thief n the night. He has my kids so low like h%m. Oh it hurts so bsd. Now its been 7 years :(. Im feeling sohopeless.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 22 December 2012 05:23 posted by Guest

    I know what you mean: I know what you are saying I lived that for 14 years an NO one helps woman like us. My ex is self employed claiming poverty an he is trying to force my kids to see him he is a trucker that wasnt there much for them growing up. I cant afford a lawyer an barely holding on to what I have left he made me loose my home an stole half my belongings from my house an wont return them. I am working a crappy job making under 10$ per hour an my kids too had the world like yours all the best games an clothing shopping at the mall an xmas was always crazy spending thousands. I am so heat broken for them an his girlfriends kids are mean t mine when they go see their father they are all forced to sleep in living room. I hope I can put all my wintenesses in front of a judge an get what I deserve my husband has a business an it grosses almost 200,000$ a year I should get half of what its worth, but not having a lawyer is killing me...good luck cause mental scars never heal I have learned that the hard way!!

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 21 December 2012 13:04 posted by Guest

    DON'T GIVE UP,YOUR EX IS NASTY: DONT GIVE UP,YOUR EX IS NASTY AND MY GUESS EMOTIONALLY ABUSED YOU IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. No mother can play god,you are just as detramental in your chids life as she is. Her actions show me that she feels you, the father, has little need in there lives makes it even more apparent that she thinks she is the ultimate ruler. If she has pure unconditional love for her children,she would not make it difficult for you the father to be in there lives rather, regardless of her personal resentments towards you, she would iniciate your relationship, because a father is just as essential in a childs life as the mother. I could never look at my babies and say you can not see daddy or manipulate them into thinking there own daddy is bad, why, because i have unconditional love. It sickens me to see mothers say there love is unconditional and them manipulate there thought tearing there fathers away, its sick its discusting and it makes you wonder how else are they distructing there children. My advice, fight, do the papers dont give up, it will pay off and if by the time you win tehre visits, remember the kids may then not want to see you and do you no why, because there beautiful mother has manipulated them. Still do not give up you win the rights for visits,they must come. Once with you prove to them by your loving unconditional love that you are a good man who will love them no matter what. Eventually any brainwashing will slowly disipate and then an unbreakable bond will grow and as they grow they will see the truth, do not give up. If you still love her give your head a shake, move on any woman who tears a father and child relationship up does not deserve any part of your heart, open your eyes see her for who she is, are you a better person, then seek out a better woman, and never give up on your babies. Be strong.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 13 December 2012 19:25 posted by Guest

    Parental alienation: My husband lives with an evil woman who is turning my son against me... He was adopted by my husband who is always gone out of town for work, and now is staying with the girlfriend while my husbands out of town! He refuses to come home, and I will be the bad guy if I force it!

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 07 December 2012 01:40 posted by Guest

    I'm in Philadelphia and going: I'm in Philadelphia and going through the same nightmare. I am trying to get all the help I can - for me and my 3 kids. Anyone in the area needs support, I understand, email me. Take care.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 02 December 2012 13:25 posted by Guest

    Where are you located?: I am in Philadelphia and am experiencing the same thing. My sister even caused some of the Alienation. :-(

    contact me

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 01 December 2012 17:21 posted by Guest

    missing them: i havent seen my kids in 127 days
    i lost my job right before my birthday, my wife decided she didnt want me in our home anymore, her mother accused me of abusivness in a way that seems like she was trying to bait me into some kind of retailiation, i ened up just calling the poilce to remove her after she refused to leave. Later that night while everyone was sleeping i was working in my garage and got frustrated with events and what i was working on and took it out on the garage door.
    Also keep in mind that ive never been in trouble with the law before and ive never hit anyone in my life, i never yelled at her, im not a violent person.
    The following day she had me areested for mischeif, and filed for emergency custody, apraisal on the house and draining all the money to her own account, all before i was released from custody.
    i cant go home, cant find a job, winter is here and i dont even have my winter gear. I breached the court order when i sent flowers and apology to my wife and mother inlaw (not that i should have apologized to inlaw) spent a week in jail for it, and still have to answer for it in court. she wanted to maintain no access but her lawyer talked her into some access. 1 hour bi-weekly, supervised, even before court was finished tet day the access was on the table i started making calls to get things rolling on seeing the kids. 2 months later im still trying, everytime i think im gonna move forward someone else wants more papers, putting the brakes on. I missed the summer with them, sons first day of school, his birthday (wasnt even allowed to send him a gift), thanksgiving, and at this rate i will miss xmas to. It feels like ill be lucky to see my kids before they graduate highschool, and they are 3, and 5.
    turning 35 is the worst thing to happen to me.
    im lost, and frustrated

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 30 November 2012 21:32 posted by Guest

    Get Counseling, then you won't feel punished...: Hello I am La Glenda,

    I am in the same situation as you are only that after five years of not
    being able to bond with my child who is 9 years old. I find that he does not want to to be
    around me as much and it is because his Dad has convinced him that
    he is the better parent. This has been very very hard and painful and
    the only way I know how to get through it is to tell the world about PAS
    so that the abuse can stop and get counseling.

    Counseling helps give you hope that with time things do get better
    and your kids do love you they just do not know how to feel right now
    and it has nothing to do with you.

    I am praying for America and my story is America's Problem.

    Take Care and pray to God for understanding...

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 27 November 2012 19:12 posted by Guest

    alienation: I am being to go thru this process. I have 2 kids under the age of 8 and he is doind his best to keep them with as little contact as possible with me. we have 50/50 custody. But they never want to talk to me when they are his place and disrespect me when they come with me. I have to be stern with them so that they react and realize i'm "mom" then its like they don't want to let go of me. They need me to be with them for their every move. and its a vicious cycle.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 23 November 2012 03:06 posted by Guest

    child alienation: this has happened to me with my oldest daughter and as of yesterdy he convinced my youngest to live with him.
    i am so upset she was my world. my ex is psychopath. he even had me lose my good friends. so is anyone
    close by me and we can become friends? its so hard all alone

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 21 November 2012 21:43 posted by Guest

    Parental Alienation : Hi, we have the exact same issues, you and I. Can we chat together off this board? It would be great to have someone who understands perfectly the hell I live everyday.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 17 November 2012 10:25 posted by Guest

    alienating: Oh my god, I am not alone.
    My ex has nothing to do with my oldest daughter
    but has brainwashed number 2 who has lived with her dad and his `new` family for 2 1/2 years.
    She left and never came back.
    My son still sees his father.

    It is something i can`t allow myself to think about or discuss because it hurts so terribly

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 15 November 2012 18:25 posted by Guest

    I would go get nanny cams if: I would go get nanny cams if I was you. I would set them up when nobody is home and that way you have proof of how he acts. Id also say- crazy as it sounds, remarry your ex. That way you can have a do over divorce- if you are married again, and then leave., the previous order will not be binding!

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 12 November 2012 01:03 posted by Guest

    Yes, a parent can kidnap: Yes, a parent can kidnap their own child if that parent does not follow court orders. In fact, if a parent who has not been in the child's life tries to come get them, they have to take that parent to court to get to them.
    I feel so bad for the parents who are going through hell.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 12 November 2012 00:52 posted by Guest

    getting child back: My ex took my kids from me for two months after he had his now wife, a child molester, fill out the paper work. he is NPD. You have to play his game with a good heart. Write him on a messenger like yahoo and get what he thinks down. He can be forensically diagnosed with what he writes. I have had many therapists and psychiatrists who back me up on keeping the kids away. You have to have proof, you will do what you can do get it!!

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 08 November 2012 04:16 posted by Guest

    my kids are small 9 and 11,: my kids are small 9 and 11, it scares me that there dad will do this to me. have my kids hate me. i feel like giving up cus i dnt know if i can handle the pain of being rejected from my kids. i love them very much, but there dads hate for me is overwhelaming.. he wont even let me see my kids. i havent seen them in a 1 1/2 .. its horriable with out them.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 08 November 2012 03:54 posted by Guest

    Im going thru the same thing,: Im going thru the same thing, my exhusband is in the military... he was getting deployed and i thought i was getting my kids. he sent them to his familys. they wouldnt let me talk to them or send them bday cards. i havent seen them for almost year in half. they was soppose to come visit me, but his family screwed it up by sayin i was going to steal my kids. say horriable things about me. My kids love me very much and want to see me and spend time. but it ends bad all the time. He lies and promises them i will come see them when its my time to see them he picks a fight and its the end of talkin to my kids for a long time.. i go with out talkin to them for months at a time. i almost lose it everytime. my new husband and i almost broke up cus he thinks its his fault that i cant see them. cus my ex always says to me when we fight " that i shouldnt of go married" or i would of got to see my kids. I love my kids so much, i also love my husband. tonight i got into it with him, cus he was disrespectful to me on the phone when i was askin about my kids books and what they like to read.. he was being so rude, i have talked to him many time before without a problem.. then i found out why he was being an asshole to me cus a women was there.. I flip out and txt him cus he hung up on me. i have been hold on and trying my best to keep myself together.. at the end of my relationship with him end bad i had a nervousbreak down meltdown. He left me in the hospital and filed for divorce, and took the kids from. im heartbroken i want my kids so bad. im there mother and i dont ever get too see them. But every one eles can, and random women. i hate him so much right now..ughhhh!!

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 08 November 2012 03:14 posted by Guest

    im going thru the same thing,: im going thru the same thing, i went to the hospital in hawaii cus he is in the military there. instead of helping me he left me in there and filed for divorce. to my kids away from and has them in alaska now. i havent seen my kids sinces july of 2011. i cry and stress out about them alot, cus he is careless and wants to hang out with his friends all the time. and my kids are his tag alongs. he throws money at them to take the focus off of me. now he has random women around my kids. and when i talk to my kids they wish they can be with me. i try to hold my togue ever time. but today he was so disrespect to me when i was tryin to find out about what they like to read he started to snap at me. he was showing off to a women that was there. i pisst me off, cus i didnt do nothing. he hung up on me .

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 05 November 2012 06:25 posted by Guest

    Maternal alienation reply: My three children have been alienated from me and interestingly I notice exactly the same pattern you describe in how they behave. The eldest is emotionally cruel and sadistic towards me and has avoided contact with me for years. She lived with me until recently but never had friends over and was always gone. I have given her the most and yet she is evil towards me. She has also stolen from me and lied to me on numerous occasions. The youngest boy is a puppet of his father. He only comes to my house when his father drops him off and it is only to "take" something from me or have me buy him clothes, toys. The middle daughter has moved far away for school so as to remove herself from the situation. She is now the only one I communicate with but she is guarded and distant.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 02 November 2012 22:36 posted by Guest

    brainwashed: I know exactly what you're going through. I left my sons father because he is an habitual liar, thief, pot smoker, not to mention cheater. He stole tons of money from me and my family including our son! I was working and going to school while he sat on his a** and smoked dope. My son did end up with him because I wanted to make a better life for my children and that back fired on me! That man had brainwashed my son so bad that he actually believed what he said because it started at a young age. I could not believe the bulls*** that came out of his mouth and none of it was true. If it were, I would admit it. Misery likes company so he was trying to make me look bad because he's a loser. Then my son started to repeat the things he heard come out of his fathers mouth. I was so hurt. My son wouldn't come see me, nor talk to me. I tried and tried to bond with my son, but it didn't happen. Then I started to think maybe I should just avoid the whole situation, and figured as my son was getting older, he'd start to see his fathers true colors and the real me on his own. It worked. I don't say to much about his father to him because he's finding out on his own. I see my son a few times a month now, and he tells me what is going on. But "NEED HELP," don't stay with this man. He's trying to make you feel guilty because he knows your a better person and he's afraid your son will turn on him. A bad relationship like that won't make your situation any better, for you, nor your son and he will see that as he grows up. I know it's hard, but your son will learn the truth on his own. You just have to be patient and hang in there. Trust me it will pay off. Don't criticize the idiot infront of your son because it won't make you look any better. This man is trying to manipulate you. But be the stronger person and get the hell away from him! I have the same custody order you have. But my son is 17 now and has his own car so he comes around on his own. I did tell him that his father won't ever get a legal job because he couldn't nor wouldn't pass a drug test! My son agreed. Things will get better for you. It seems like eternity, but time has a way of working things out. I hope you can keep me updated because this sounds like me all over again.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 02 November 2012 08:19 posted by Guest

    You might consider checking: You might consider checking elder abuse laws in your state. I would not take action on it per se, but you need to be aware of what the law says. I would also not spend much time revealing things about yourself. Keep conversations focused on him, his kids if he has any etc. if there is a way you can be of help to him (babysit grand kids, cook a good meal) offer it. Good luck.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 02 November 2012 07:54 posted by Guest

    I know how you feel...: I understand. I got my son into college and now my 15 year old daughter wants to live with her Dad. Since you only have about two more years, I suggest you hang in there. Show your love and care. Try not to be a doormat but I wouldn't stand up too much either. You have a better chance having a long term impact if you show love and not take their bait. I got so hypervigilant on trying to help my daughter with school issues and reducing behavior like her fathers that while I was loving I don't think she could see it well compared to his Disney dad routine. Hang in there.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 01 November 2012 15:28 posted by Guest

    Abusive Ex-Husband is now asking for child support: I was abused for eight years and have been separated from my ex for four. He has hardly let me see my children and he also used a fake address to obtain guardianship of my oldest daughter who is 11 and not his biological child.

    I have no problem with paying support and I am glad this is finally going to court. I am hopeful that at the case managers meeting visitation will be discussed and I will get to see my children once again. I am also hopeful that the guardianship he was granted can be terminated and my oldest and be home wit her family once again.

    He refuses to answer the phone and any time I see the children everything has to be completely controlled by him. Any gifts or money I send he insists the children not know that it is from me. I just want to see my kids and don't understand why he is doing this to me.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 29 October 2012 10:53 posted by Guest

    Ex has everything including eldest daughter: It was 3 months after I left before my now ex wanted to see our 3 children. I had barely started adjusting to life as a single mother, after 15 years of living with a man who has NPD. Our eldest, 13 years old at the time, I was told complained so much about how horrible a mother I was. He told her to write a letter, which was emailed to me. I was shocked, the words weren't hers. I knew she didn't write it but it didn't make it any less devastating, she said she wanted to live with her father. I let her go. It was the biggest mistake of my life.
    She is now 15, and has been to see me twice. Once on her birthday, and once for Xmas. I have not seen her for almost 12 months now.
    Settlement has still not happened, we owned a business and he takes a huge amount of cash from the business. He takes his new fiancé and her 3 children away on holidays, overseas. He can't even afford to pay child support for his two children that live with me, as the 'business' makes less money than I make working full time to support my children. Our 3 children used to go to private school, dance lessons etc etc. Since I left I sometimes have trouble even paying the bills. I can't afford much for the children, but I am happy and they are happy too. The two younger kids see their father every school holidays.
    He keeps threatening me with court, which is what I want. He also questions the kids about living with him, he tries to buy them. I only want to be able to afford loan repayments on a home of our own. I am still scared of him, even now. I sometimes think if he had hit me, the scars may have healed faster.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 26 October 2012 07:33 posted by Guest

    Stolkhom Syndrome... people: Stolkhom Syndrome... people side with their abusers because it ensures their own safety

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 26 October 2012 07:32 posted by Guest

    This is what I am: This is what I am experiencing as well. My daughter's father was extremely emotionally towards me throughout my pregnancy and after and continued to use drugs and alcohol. When i finally got the strength to leave, that just infuriates an abusive person and they do everything they can to win power back over their victim. People in the courts however accuse me of being the looney and want to listen to NOTHING about him being a bad and higly potential dangerous person. I found evidence of him google searching "young teen porn" and I tell them... they say "that's personal life... we all live in glass houses". Don't give up. and just remember that everything is in God's hands and just pray for Him to bless your child. You're going to experience shitty things and you're going to grow stronger and stronger. This is a really good quote someone told me... he'll "paint his own picture". Just know the truth eventually comes out...

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 26 October 2012 07:25 posted by Guest

    I can not even imagine what: I can not even imagine what you are going through... I just can't but you need to get some HELP...you need to be a Mama Lioness... and do EVERYTHING to get your kids back. Do not let this woman do this to you. You need to gather up the utmost strength and get your children back from this vindictive woman. GET A LAWYER. Its going to cost $$ but the results could be priceless!

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 26 October 2012 07:19 posted by Guest

    Stay strong: get a lawyer. unfortunatly it is really hard to prove emotional abuse and the courts really just don't want to hear it. my daughter's father is also emotionally abusive and what I find in the court system is that there is still a lot of societal hate for women. so do your best to be positive and the best person you can be and know that everything is in God's hands and believe in God that everything at this moment is as it should be and will wind up exactly as it is meant to be. Just don't give up. Emotionally abusive people are draining...they are like black holes, sucking the energy from everyone's life they touch... I just remember to keep looking how far I;ve come and not how far I have left to go... and always remind myself to be a mama lioness for my daughter. I will never back down again to her wretched father. He is a sick, demented human being and I just pray pray pray to God.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 24 October 2012 14:58 posted by Guest

    Been around the Block: Omg! So sorry when I read your story! I have been going through rough times myself where I have walked out before I blow up! I have three chiildren all in their 20's but my middle child (daughter) has been a problem for years from drugs to alcohol. Name it I have been there! I have tried to help her from day 1 but it hasn't worked! My husband on the other hand has always been an enabler (and she sees it and takes advantage of it).
    As of today, she states she is clean (u know what I think)- def. the drinking has not stopped. Tried to tell her to go AA and NA but that hasn't happened either. Her boyfriend who's muh older is also a loser (in my eyes).

    My marriage is so strained due to her lately because we are not on the same page. Been married for well over 27 years. I told my husband we need to set boundaries with her. He needs to allow her to grow up and not be her Best Friend or ATM (like he was in the past).

    Am I right for explaining this to him - that he needs to be strong and (even lock up his heart temp.) as long as she is OK (working) otherwise this cycle will carryon forever!?

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 22 October 2012 05:16 posted by Guest

    i need help getting my twin girls: well i really do not know where to start but i will try so here i go i lived in new orleans la. i meet a lady how became my girlfriend one night me and her went out and i went to her home that night we did the deed and she got big and then we move from the apartment in another place in new orleans then in her 5th will the girls in her we had room mates and they was talk to her and told her to get me out and she did that and i lift and once my girls was born i try and try over and over to help and see my girls she wouldnt let me then she told all her friends she wishs i was died and killed so she had one of her room mates try to kill me but it didnt work at all and that happen for a long time until i moved and then i try ever day and night to see and have a relationship with my girls but she told everyone i was a sparm donor and i have no rights to my girls at all then the big storm came to new orleans and i lift and i was thinking she would to but my friend told me she stay in new orleans with my new borns and i was told that the home that she was in was very very bad and she told my friend she wasnt going awhere at all but my friend told her if she wasnt she was going to take the children with her and the she went to and it was high water they went throw and they got to my friends home and then they had to get food but she got thing for her self not her children at all my friend had too get food cloth and other things for the children and i try for years to find her but it was died ends so i found my friend and try to get her to talk to my ex and when she did my ex told my friend the i will never ever see or have no relationship with my girls ever and the girls will never know me at all and after the storm i try for years to find her and it was hard but i found her this year and on the internet this is how i did i remember her first and last name but remember make sure its right because its only one thing some one can do is change a letter in the last name and hid from you some if you go out the internet you will find everything on that person and all her family see in other states she put her last name as walker not welker so i found her real dad and put the real last name and found all the place she went and i tracked her and found the real place she is then i remember facebook i was on so i put her name in and found her remember that i told yourll about not seen my girls in 7years i was so happy i found pics of my girl they was big and i asked my wife to message her for a friend on facebook so me and wife told her that i was died so she can talk to my wife so she got pissy and told my wife all bad things about me so i had it with her so i send a friend to her and all hell broke out she told me that i have no rights to the grls and i was a sparm donor and she was going to adoped my girls to another man she gets with and i was never a father and i do not know anything about beening a father at all and remember i wasnt given a chance at all for 7years ok so i started to messages her on facebook about all the things she try doing to me in new orleans and what she is doing right now andits illegal for her to lieve with out telling me where my children are and then she started to say thing to me its not good at all so once she talked to myfriend about her phone number she gave it to me so i called my girls and my girls started to tell me thinking they wanted to know why i wasnt there but she stops them and she stops me verytime and now she nows say the she is coming of 7years back pay and my rights for the girls see she is blank blank blank nlank that i found her see she really do not what my girls to ever know all the bullblank i went throw because their mother so she will not call my home for the girls she siads it up to me to call sorry here is some remember my messages i told your about she read everything to my girls and told the girls that they didnt have to talk to me if they didnt want too and she did tell me why i wasnt put on my girls borth papers because her mother did it to her and she told me she can do anything and get away with it and tell me what to say to my girls and do her rules and if i do not do what she tells me to do i will never ever talk or see my girls ever and she told me she will make sure i will never see my girls and now her friends helping her to get my girls againsed me and she tell my girls lies about me too and she crys to my friend to get her againsed me and she cryed about me not giving her my number so i did but she didnt call me at all for the girls and now she tells me she did but im on a cell phone with caller id and nothing on my phone so i messages that its was a lie and then she told my girl that i do not love and care for them because i didnt pick up but i didnt get that call i think about that she called or dial the wrong number so she can get my girls to see me bad and i try to get heere to cscall me for the girls put nothing nows the girls are my girls too and she wants money frommeforthe7years back pay and she told me if i do not pay her she will put me in jail for good and take my rights from me too so all i have to say one more thing i am looking for a lawyer but i have no money to pay some one because all my money gos to all my bills and to my other girl i have in my live shes 9years old girl my baby heart i have how truly loves and cares for me thats wheres my money gos too so get with me and please help me out everyone thank yourll aka tiger real name terrence

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 21 October 2012 22:48 posted by Guest

    Abandoning your daughter?????: What is the lesson you are teaching your daughter??? Fight for her!!!! Custody Battle??? Is there an order???? File for contempt??? You say he took her from you?? Are you the primary???

    If you leave her, she will then learn that she isn't worth fighting for. My son went to dad's for a shirt time ( few days) and decided with dad not to return. I called, texted, went to therapy, fought on the phone. He took me to court to stop child support...I filed for contempt...

    He may go to jail in Feb.. BUT I have my 17 y.o. son back in my home. Yes, he hates me and is angry, but he knows he is worth fighting for!!! I felt like committing suicide all summer due to non communication from him. I thought my only son, who had been my life, was gone from my arms. That was when I said to myself...I'm not running away. Everyone said the court would say, he's 17, let him stay with Dad, but the court said..." He's a minor and he is to go back with mom"

    My son and I are going to therapy and Dad may finally learn the lesson that all Narcissist's need to learn. If you break the law, you go to jail!!!!

    Good Luck...

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 21 October 2012 22:22 posted by Guest

    Are you the primary custodial parent??? DO SOMETHING: What does your custody order say. Sorry for being straightforward, but it doesn't sound like you are really in control of this at all. No wonder they are playing these games. You are acting like a helpless person.

    Pick yourself up and PROTECT YOUR CHILD!!! Do you want him to turn out to be a liar and a cheat??? Do you want him to end up hurt somewhere you can't find him??? Do you want him to starve to death next time Dad has an issue and doesn't take care of him???

    You can always call the police and say you can't find your son and are worried. too. BUT DOING NOTHING IS WHY THEY ARE DOING THIS!!!!

    This is what you need to do. Go to the Family Court in your town and file for custody with limited visitation or supervised visitation. Document the hospital situation where he hadn't slept or eaten and this situation where dad is having him lie and be mean to you. File for contempt and file NOW. Comtempt of custody.

    Say:
    Father is endangering the health of our child. ( took him to the hospital with him when he was admitted and kept him there for
    ( however long) and did not provide him with a place to sleep or food or proper environment. GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND FIND OUT WHY THEY DID NOT CALL ANYONE TO GET THE CHILD OR IF ANYTHING IS WRITTEN IN THE CHART ABOUT YOUR SON STAYING THERE. PROOF!!!)

    Father is not appropriately parenting the child. Explain this story about him not communicating. You don't know where your son is.
    .....

    I WARN YOU , IF YOU ALLOW TOO MUCH TIME TO GO BY, AND DO NOT GO TO THE COURT. YOUR EX WILL ASK WHY YOU DID NOT GO AND SO WILL A JUDGE. THEY WILL MAKE IT LOOK LIKE NEGLECT.

    GO without a lawyer if you have to or go to legal aid or women's orgnizations.

    BUT DO IT NOW!!!!! If you are the primary custodian...and something happens to your son...you will be to blame.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 21 October 2012 21:58 posted by Guest

    I feel for you. : I feel for you. I have the same type of situation. Almost exactly. My son is 17 and has also been brainwashed and manipulated. His dad convinced him to stop his meds he needs for his ADHD too.

    The only thing we can do is know that we did the right thing by our kids. I think you are wise for cutting off the money. How dare they use you like that. My ex never gave him anything. He used me for my health benefits and kept us from divorcing for 7 years.

    Just remember this. What goes around comes around and you are the one going to Heaven!!! Your kids are more immature due to the horrible home situation and will "grow up" and figure it out. My son too hopefully.

    Long story for me as he was living with dad for several months in contempt of order and I took dad to court.

    We'll see how that plays out.

    All of the best. Stay strong. Just keep sending kids cards and remind them you love them. Meditate..It helps. I dont do it enough. But I will..and it helps the mind slow down, which is what we all need. :-)

    Take care

    exhausted and praying

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 21 October 2012 03:52 posted by Guest

    12 is the age of majority.: 12 is the age of majority. You can request a modification of custody order through the court. State the cause as being a personal request from the child to change homes, and provide evidence of what the mother is doing. Get you kid in counseling because the counselor can give evidence in court. Get a guardian ad litem appointed for you son (like a lawyer for child) the child's choice has a lot more sway now that he is 12. Go for it, if you truly believe it is for the best.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 21 October 2012 02:39 posted by Guest

    I too am fighting for visitation: I would like to say firstly how I feel for you, secondly how I'm going through the same. Child Safety here in Qld removed my child when she was 4 and a half after false notifications from family and my so called friends.. I trusted them.. now I'm devastated. My daughter then 5 I was told didn't want to see me,very strange unless been coached. She remained in that foster home where the dept waited till after all the trauma and loss, I decided to put myself in hospital for shock treatment as antidepressants made me dozy. Then when I was getting treated, the Dept made a long term court order,and I never new about it. I saw my daughter on two occassions, when we bumped into each other,she and I got on and one time the foster carer told my own daughter NOT to talk to me, my child told me that Then I got only two birthday visits with her,for one hour, supervised by department but also the foster carer right there, so no bonding or talking occurred with my girl,she was told her dad was dead too. I saw my daughter for last time age 8. I begged to see her, like I said, the Dept kept saying No, She doesn't want to see you, still,I couldn't ring or anything My letters were returned back. Try a foster carer as an alternator cause it happens.. I was in ICU at one stage, nearly died from ARDS,and because not their for my child,dept used against me. Fast forward to this year, my girl was moved out of foster home for something and she found me online, we added each other on Facebook, she talked with me only one night,and the Dept found out, they let us speak 3 times on phone,for one hour, I was in heaven but the 2nd call my child told foster carer who went off and scared her as my girl wanted to see me, they said not a good idea to see your mother cause all horrible memories will come flooding back (their are none.. all time was fun and she is so brainwashed its what's been planted.

    I had a visit prepared, the dept organized it all, then bang,cancelled because they were moving her again,back into this foster carers again. I got a lawyer for a bit as can't fight too much as cost thousands.. I was told my daughter doesn't want to see me again, asked why, said sorry, its private. After my daughter saying she loved me and all the positive talk we had the dept are saying she has a mental disorder and in best interests of the child, she doesn't want to see me,that's it. It stinks of PAS now because this has been allowed to go on for years.

    I took this to court,review the decision,they begged me and payed all my travel fees when I wanted to do by remote video, I was refused and told to go.. up at 3 am and home 10pm same night.

    There was 9 against me, no lawyers allowed,but shocked as my daughter was their,her beautiful smile greeted me as we saw each other first time in 8 years. She's 17 now. Before court Dept promises me another go at visits for her 17 th birthday, I was weary as they pulled out last one.I got letter from them saying it was all organized so could I take thing out of court, I said would see,when saw her face smiling at me, decided to fight harder.. everyone in the court told me to pull out, I panicked,cried, stood firm and said um taking to hearing.. bang that was it, lost my visitation for her birthday, down in writing. When I was leaving I asked if could hug my girl,they ummed and ached, she said of course,a big hug and kiss from my only daughter, but they have her saying no to visits but her actions are saying different.

    I left in tears.. Now my friend and a family member as well I asked if they wanted to see my child,yes they said,my friend is meant to be my witness and hardly talking to me because he has approval to see my child.

    So all the people that mattered to me have turned on me and my beautiful baby is stuck in this PAS..its not her fault...so yes I understand your pain as I'm fighting alone,told I won't win and somehow my two witnesses have gone... I will say this.. NEVER EVER give up the fight..when I was telling my child in court that I love her and am never going to give up,never and when your looking at a mirror of yourself in a court room,it makes you fight more,especially when your child looks straight ahead at the adjudicator and says NO I don't want to see mum,I'm sure after smiling at you and hugging you..why would you give up..I may not win but I will fight and this is a hearing where I will get heard...go for it.. fight ok

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 15 October 2012 01:43 posted by Guest

    Please do not let go of hope.: Please do not let go of hope. Continue to exercise your parental rights in whatever capicity you can. Please do not let your children chose whether or not they want to see you, under the circumstnaces they will likely chose not to see you anymore. The best way to get rid of a shadow is to shine light on it. Show your children that you are a happy person and be authentic about it. If your emotional wounds are too deep right now then 'fake it until you make it'. Tell, do not ask your children to respect you and then make yourself worthy of that and explain to them that there will be consequences for them if they do not. Ignore their bad behavior but do not ignore them. Be in control not controlling. Never bargain with your children or bribe them, and tell them that you will not. Always follow through with what you promise. Stand firm on all counts! These are YOUR children and it is YOUR right to guide them in the way that YOU see fit! Continue to set good examples and show them you have feelings and let your children see them. You are a human being with feelings so be that, but make certain you are never overly emotional. Leave them little notes around your home to let them know you are thinking about them. Read about their latest age group fads; toys, fashion, sports, games, music, even hip words or phrases, and communicate to them about these things. Children are no different when it comes to wanting other people to be interested in what they like. Ask them questions and share your thoughts and opinions. Example: "Hey! I was reading about that new (whatever it is) and I think it's really interesting! (or, that's cool, or the bomb, etc...) And what do you think about it?" And if they yell, scoff at you, or give you the dreaded cold shoulder treatment, then brush it off. Every child does that to their parent at some point anyway! Make certain to keep the perspective that you are always a parent, and in control, before you are their friend. Children crave boundaries from a parent, at any age. Formulate support and buffers for yourself when your childen are with you. Invite trusted family and friends over when you have care of your children and create an atmoshere of fun! Grill outdoors, play interactive games, whatever choice is YOURS! Give them lots of oportunities to join in the fun. Use your body language. Move in closer to them when they are in the room. Make eye contact and give them a quick smile or a quick hello to acknowledge their presence to entice them into your orbit. Think to yourself, how would I communicate to my children that I love them and that they are special to me if they were blind and deaf. Your gentle hand on their shoulder or a light pat on the back. Big round and snug hugs are the best for both you and your children. If they are resistant or even angry to your touch then that means you should sneak a touch of some sort in there! Give them a 'my bad?' look, if they act nasty, and brush it off. Touching is necessary to bonding with your children, at any age. Toss a camera to someone and have them take pictures of you and your children, and don't be afraid to be goofy looking or silly in them. All the better if you do! This will be proof to your children later that you do share good times together. Your children are the victims. What is happening to you is unfair as hell but you are no victim. There is no easy way through this and there is no simple solution either. It's a painful process but you must keep at it. You and your children are worth your trying. At some point you will reach through to your children. That is a certainty!! Your childrens inate desire is to have a relationship with you. Their genetics are your genetics. Your childrens other parent who is alienating your children from you will likely be more wrapped up in their own self absorbing campaign of hate to ever know or really care about who their children are. But, you will, and, your children already know that your love is unconditional. Believe this and keep showing your children that you do. Love and truth win. Throughout history there have been tyrants who seem for the moment to be invinceable but they always fall. Think about that. Always.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 13 October 2012 19:14 posted by Guest

    My husband has brainwashed my 12 year old son: Hi there! I have a problem. My husband has brainwashed my son from me. He takes my son with him every where he goes. He takes my son with him on jobs that require to operate heavy equipment and my husband allows that. I had filed for divorce in december of 2011. I left for 6 months and they begged me to come back. I came back to work things out and the same thing is going on but worse. THe court oder stated that I had joint legal custody and he had full custody.I had every other weekend when I didnt live there I LOVE MY SON VERY MUCH and dont know what to do. I feel If i leave again its bad on me. My husband is a emotional abuser.

    Please someone advise

    Thank you

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 12 October 2012 14:23 posted by Guest

    forced by exhusbands attourney to put 5 year old through therar : I recieved a phone call from a marriage family therapist who asked me questions, didnt ask for consent, then a week later i recieved a letter from my ex husbands attourney threatning me with a exparte hearing if i didnt consent. I called therapist and advised that i wanted to be presant for daughters 1st session, I advised i will sign the consent for one session for a evaluation. I then recieved a phone call from exhusbands attourny secratary saying i have court in 3 days for ecparte hearing.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 12 October 2012 03:06 posted by Guest

    step grandmother and her daughter keeping my kids from me: Hi everyone. i know everyone has problems out there. and there is a saying, be thankful for your problems , because someone out there is having it worse than yourself. Well i see that. But my situation is horrible. I married the wrong man. Dcbs got involved. And I wasn't charged with anything, yet my children were placed in relative custody; with my ex husbands new in laws, since i had no relatives in the state I live.
    I got my divorce and the judge said I have to wait 2 years to petition for them to come back home with me.

    Everything was going great, until their step mom came in from another state and took them for the whole summer. Since then I haven't seen my kids, talked to them... their step grandmother has kept me out of the picture. Not even a phone call or text msgs...in regards to how my kids are doing.. I call, leave msgs and text her constantly.... and save everything for the courts... I still have my parental rights, and she has broken the court order...( no contact with father due to outstanding bench warrant for drug trafficking)

    I've missed my sons birthday due to the step grandmothers fault... sending me a text message, stating, we will see.. you did this to your self.. etc..., yet sent him a birthday card, wondering if he even got it....My daughters birthday is coming up in November... I fear it will be the same....

    Before they left to go with their step mom and fathers for summer vacation, they would call me every day, i would see them all the time, and they would tell me how much they love me and want to come home... Now nothing.. Im losing my mind. my kids are my world.... i do not get along with the step mom due to her harassing my phone via text and voice mail. I've changed my number twice, due to her taunting me and saying my kids are hers and they don't love me and want nothing to do with me... I fear they are being brainwashed and bribed with everything under the sun... My son tried calling me and i heard his step grandmother take the phone away from him... I honestly believe she is alienating my children from me, due to the fact her daughter and i dont get along...
    is that even right to do? I feel its a form of abuse to my children... I am never going to give up. I pray for them every day and their wicked step family... I just don't understand. i know my children love me... How much can a parent handle with this? What actions need to be taken or filed? Please help!

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 07 October 2012 01:39 posted by Guest

    Actually a contempt order can: Actually a contempt order can be filed against the ex for not obeying court orders.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 05 October 2012 06:38 posted by Guest

    Take the high road. Don't be: Take the high road. Don't be beaten by your pathetic ex's hanis acts. Prove your better -- at being, the better person, not the better parent! I'm so traumatized I can't even file my paerwork needed. Every day I feel I've failed, but I haven't. One day my child will realize how much time it took trying just to have a simple realationship, when I couldve focused my energy on her instead! Whatever it takes do wbat u gotta do I know u have it in u. Remember the court only listens if you truly prove yourself and show how far you will go to prove how much you care. Take pictures, transcribe voicemails and contact only via text/email etc. Good luck. Remember hold your head high & stay 2 steps ahead and u can't Loose!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 02 October 2012 16:03 posted by Guest

    My x is an itiot. He is very: My x is an itiot. He is very controlling fought with three of my older kids when they were adolcents and keeps my only biological child which I gave birth at fourty to. The x has mocked me within our community. He use to fist fight with my oldest son when he was 15, my eldest daughter whom is now 24 has told me that when she was young he slammed her head into the wall, and she started yelling for me and he slammed her head in the wall again and said don't you dare tell your mother. She just told me this along with other incidents. My divorce took 4 years to finalize because of custody and financial issues. I raised 5 children, 4 which we adopted at toddler age's and one at 4 years old. I was a wonderful Mother and wife. As time went on, I seen how him and I were so opposite, life in general, and in raising children. He makes himself look so high and mighty due to his money, and makes me look like I am a second class citizen. I have been so beat down by him I have lost about all of my self confidence. I have a difficult time walking with my head up. I am a childhood survivor of an ugly divorce as well as now I am divorcee of 20 years marriage. I am lost for words. Along within the past 4 years my Mother whom was my rock, passed away on my birthday 2 years into the ugly battle of divorce. Then my Dad passed 9 months later. My x could care less. He has no compassion for me, nothing. He is very cold, when I look in his eyes there is a look of nothing just blank. He is remarried, I am not. I don't feel I will ever re-marry again, why should I? These events in the recent 4 years is enough for me. I just can't take it anymore, i can't fight him anymore. I give up with his cruel behavior. I don't know what else to do. I have done what I can to please him and follow his program just to see my youngest whom is the biological son, but nothing I do is good enough. I can't afford an attorney at this time, and I am afraid to represent myself due to lack of knowledge with the court system and I really feel inferior. Help me

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 26 September 2012 03:20 posted by Guest

    I know how you feel. My ex is: I know how you feel. My ex is also a narcissist. He has been inconsistent with my boys (now 16 and 17) with regard to visitation, has put himself first. Now that dear old dad is getting divorced from his second wife, they feel so bad for him and make excuses for his behavior. I am now suddenly the bad guy and dad can do no wrong. Dad is laying it on thick now, the ultimate Disney dad. My boys are now rude and hurtful to me. This is breaking my heart. My boys just want me to do all the work (feed them, help them with things for school, drive them where ever they want, give them money, etc) and dad is all fun. I feel so dumped on and taken advantage of. Part of me wants to throw my kids out of the house and make them live with their father. But they know he won't care for them the way I do. But they will also say its not his fault, but everything is my fault. I really am ready to just walk away.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 22 September 2012 20:06 posted by Guest

    You cannot kidnap your own: You cannot kidnap your own child, even if you see them outside of your court order.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 22 September 2012 11:36 posted by Guest

    I was sure who u were: I was sure who u were responding to, but I agree with you... Im the stepmom Of a 12 boy yr old and 7yr old girl from different mothers.. And the girls Mom is doing the same thing. It was about three years since he separated From Her, and she is still resentful with him and creating divisionary lines between the child and father. My husbands a great dad, calls the mothers phone and texts all the time without getting a response. He's talked to his daughter several times about calling him but she rarely does. Shes a loving girl but the emphasis from the mother is key stablish a relationship. I come from a united family, which separated only by death. I had a great dad who always instilled the values of family unity. So I therefore cannot advise him from experience but simply tell him to talk to daughter when possible. I think the daughter is turning from him cause she doesnt call,him unless she wants to buy something or go play. I loved being with my dad, so again I dont understand..He has free time to be with her so Im not in interfering. But when Im not there she asks for me and wants me to come over. So Im not the problem.. Can someone give me some suggestions?? I know he's suffering and I feel once she hits the teenage years she'll really be disconnected.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 21 September 2012 06:16 posted by Guest

    i am a mother whos child will: i am a mother whos child will not see her father because of things he did/does.
    i find that i could fit myself in to the 5 points of alienation. yet i know i am not. i try endlessly to avoid bad mothing my ex - yet am accused by people and professionals for doing it. and to prove im not, what am i supposed to do. THERE IS NO HELP OUT THERE FOR THAT. we are all bunched as bad ex- partners and some of us are not.
    it appears that mental abuse from her dad is allowed, and i am not allowed to worry that in her later years the drug abuse caused by this.
    there are no systems out there to help, just the attitude of point fingers at people, accuse whoever for the childs alienation (usually the residential parent) and then have judges with an approach of - get on with it and tuff luck on the child.
    i know i will be callled by many for this- but you judge me as others, without my case history.
    there is enough help for parents that are restricted from seeing their children. but what about the genuine cases, where the child fears a father that has treated badly.
    this throw away society allows marriage to fail and children used as obsticles, that get passed fro pillar to post - and you can guarantee that their children will be exactly the same.
    HELP THE CHILD THAT NEEDS TO HAVE THERE RIGHTS HEARD.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 17 September 2012 23:21 posted by Guest

    The experts are right. The: The experts are right. The judge decides where the kids go and can order your ex to comply. You seem to be well-spoken enough that with a little lay help and free advice you could take the case to court if money's an issue. Many people do. And the threshold with most judges is really low. If you wear a suit, act politely, and testify truthfully, you'll probably get some type of visitation enforcement.

    It's not obvious that you can't go to court. My judge repeatedly disallows my 13-year old daughter's testimony, both in a dismissed domestic violence injunction (it was so farcical that the judge dismissed it after only hearing my ex's side of it) and repeatedly in ongoing modification and contempt procedings I've initiated. Even if you child were to be compelled to testify, it's usually in a private meeting with the judge (the technical term is "in camera"), with only officers of the court present. They do this for a living, so it's not like they would take a child's testimony without a big grain of salt. If the child seems coached, it looks really bad for the coach. I had a cop testify about something like that, and the judge took notice, even though it was before the divorce was finalized.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 17 September 2012 23:07 posted by Guest

    You can't withhold child: You can't withhold child support because an ex is interfering with custody, and vice versa.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 16 September 2012 10:04 posted by Guest

    Maternal alienation: I understand exactly how you feel. This happened to me too. My ex husband physically abused me and sexually abused my sons and now at 23, 22 and 20 they hate me, not him. He is a narcissist as well and had been working on them for years. By the time I finally left they were 18, 17 and 15 and were beginning to abuse me too. They see me as powerless and in the marriage I was and there was no one around ever to help give them a positive image of me and to support me. I have been grieving since I left and no matter what I do, what success I achieve it never makes up for the loss. For the injustice. My sons are not independent and are enmeshed. I see the youngest about once per month for dinner and a movie but he always has to go home with something material. The oldest son is perverse in his hatred of me and in his open desire to cause me suffering and pain. He has said to me, "it wouldn't matter if I died next week", and yet he derives pleasure out of taking my money or putting me in a position where I will have to suffer. I have to avoid contact with him now, for both our sakes. My middle son is neutral and trying to survive this between his sick father and sick older brother. But in his survival it requires he keep his distance from me. My youngest is brave, I don't know how it survives it but if he returns home empty handed he panics..he has to show them that he took me for all he could. I understand and love them all but the grief and the loss is something I fight everyday to not drown in. It never leaves me even in my sleep.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 11 September 2012 14:01 posted by Guest

    gave up: my ex started the parental alienation years before the divorce....He is a narcissist. My children are 18 and 20...I just gave up, totally gave up. They love the abusive monster who makes the jump thru hoops just for food. He has tossed them aside for his new girlfriend and her young children. The damage was already for me, its toooo late. They see me as evil for the divorce and that it was fine for dad to 3 or 4 girlfriends at the same time while married to me. I just walked away and I cry all the time. I am better though, I realize maybe after his death they will come to me. They don't see that I fought the good fight to keep them fed and clothed...nothing left to do............I have tried and tried with my kids for the past year but it of no value anymore..it always ends with them hating me....they run to me for money though, I have cut the money out now so I won't ever hear from them again. Its a shame , they were my heart and soul.

  • Comment Link Addyly Thursday, 06 September 2012 08:05 posted by Addyly

    :D: Well said!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 05 September 2012 10:14 posted by Guest

    it is illegal for children to: it is illegal for children to be on facebook until 13, he is breaking the law. Get legal assistance and if he won't remove their facebook accounts, the court will!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 22 August 2012 21:03 posted by Guest

    To Mind Your Business: R U: To Mind Your Business: R U kidding me! Do you have any idea how much involvement most step parents have in children's lives? Those kids are shaped by everyone in their lives, EVERYONE. If you are expecting a step parent not to care, you might as well be digging that huge rift in the family now. If everyone in the family is not all in, there's problems.

    I am speaking from a marriage to my husband of 9 years, his 2 kids from previous marriage (1 1/2 years married), 7 court battles, me as step mother and a step father who is accused of abuse toward the kids. The "justice" system can't seem to prove it, and the kids fold in front of their mother, even though they've told GAL, home study persons, lawyers, cops, detectives, etc... that they do not want to live with their mother full time, but instead us.

    I, as step-mother, have my entire life invested as much as a "bio" parent does. To tell anyone that they should butt out is completely offensive and hurtful. Our lives are affected as much as everyone in the situation.

    And to add one last thing... it sucks that you women and men out there can not possibly move passed your own insecurities and BS in order to parent your children together. YOU should be in counseling if you still think that bad-mouthing anyone else is ok. Someone said it earlier, you made the children together. Do you forget that you are the adult here? Are you so blind/stupid to mess with your kids mental state for your own reward. For shame!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 21 August 2012 22:02 posted by Guest

    am I overstepping: I just saw on my Facebook account in the People you may know section my sons names. I was furious. My boys are 6 & 7 years old. I see no reason for them to be on there. I asked their dad to remove them & he refuses. He says they are only playing games & he gets all the notificationbs to their accounts. They have DSs they play on already why would they need to play on FB as well? He says he will not remove them & I am being unreasonable & he won't discuss it any further. He won't discuss anything unless it benifits him & his time with the boys. Am I being unreqasonable? Is there anything I can do to make hime remove their FB accounts? Help

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 21 August 2012 18:54 posted by Guest

    Husband's ex-wife: I understand the need to pick your battles, to be loving, honest, patient, etc. Its extremely difficult when a child is refusing to go along on a visit, begging to stay with their mother, who has been poisoning them with lies. My husband told the kids, its fine if you don't want to come, I understand. The mother is pushing them into the vehicle, screaming at them that they have to go, and also that she will be calling the police because he is driving while angry. If she really felt he were unsafe to be with, she wouldn't shove them in the car. Then the whole car ride home and the whole weekend we got to listen to 3 kids calling us liars, saying we never do anything with them or for them, and singing their mother's praises the whole time. When she has something to do its expected we will keep the kids extra. If we ask for extra time she defers to the court order. When we go on vacation, we are required to give written notice, an address and phone number. When she goes, well either we never find out about it or she refuses to do so, then tells the kids their father is trying to ruin their vacation. She has punished the kids if they don't want to talk to her on the phone, but then refused reasonable phone contact for my husband. She has punished her 4 yr old for loving me (her step-mom) and instructed her not to love me. So now the child walks around singing, "I love my mommy, I love my daddy, I don't love you." Its horrible. It makes me so sick and stressed out that I have gone to the hospital with anxiety attacks. It hurts so bad to see how much pain my husband is in and that he is losing his children to this monster. She succeeded in alienating her oldest son from my husband and the kid told my husband, in front of me and his mother, to never contact him again (he was 4 when they married, 16 when they divorced. My husband was the only father he ever knew). I know being the bigger person is the right thing to do. I know the kids are not to blame. I know the woman has serious mental issues that only make matters worse. But when the heat is on and the kid is screaming at her father, calling him a liar, saying she hates him, saying she doesn't want to visit us.... what to do right then?? My husband lost it, started yelling and telling her what a horrible thing her mother had done to them by lying to them etc.... I had to interject and be the level headed one. But it was soooo hard. I just don't know how much more of this I can take. We really need help and I don't know where to go for it. My husband already pays an outrageous amount of child support (that the kids are also convinced he doesn't pay) and we really can't afford lawyers or counselors. I just don't know what to do anymore and we really need support.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 21 August 2012 11:23 posted by Guest

    Losing Hope: I am losing hope. I have four children who lie to me and keep secrets from me. For years they would not tell me where they go to school or where they live. As a parent I was very concerned because these are things a parent should know for emergency purposes. I know its my Ex fault but the oldest are already 16, 17, and 19. I believe that they are old enough to know what is going on. I do not understand why my ex is purposely ruining our relationship. She seems like a monster and a bully because I only pick them up where she wants and whatever time she wants never at her house. I missed one of my visitation weekend because there was a hospital emergency. I came out ok from the hospital a day later and when I told my kids they could not believe it. They will call me and tell me that I went with my girlfriend or I went gambling to waste their money. They even told me that their half brother is a paramedic and he is going to investigate if that was true. I just do not understand why they say mean things. I know is my ex guiding them to these awful phone calls and messages but they are becoming young adults and they should know that through dinner in nice restaurants, constant trips to movies, and trips to the museums, camping, and hiking in the mountains they should know that I love them. I not only tell them constantly but I actually show them. About23 years ago, my little one was accusing me that I did not care about them because she saw their mother struggling with paying the bills especially the rent. The fact was that for about 3 years, I have been paying a little over my half checks for child support leaving me only with gas money. I had to move with my parents house and even ask my sisters for money to pay for insurance and other necessities sometimes not even paying them back because I had no more (which my sisters understand and I am bless to have caring siblings) but its not the same as having your children love you. There was a point in our relationship where they used to hide a phone in their teddy bear and just hurt a lot. After 3 years, I finally know where they live and go to school only because my ex was force to tell me by the court. Now that I know and I thought I got closer to my kids, I decided to talk to them but 3 minutes into the conversation they said they did not feet comfortable and call their ex to pick them up. I felt horrible and sad because I just wanted to communicate with them to nourish our relationship but they told me that I am liar and that they do not lie and keep secrets because I knew where they went to school and where they live (but it was recently that I found that out). I just don't know what to do anymore I feel like I should go to court and ask if there is any way I could still pay for child support but not force my kids to come and see me because they do not want to stay with me even the 17 year old told me that she could not wait till she was 18 so she would not be force to see me. I just think is better to let them choose if they want to visit me rather than pick them up and save the sadness as they march out of my mom's house hours later. This is situation is very difficult and just breaks my heart. I am just starting to lose hope.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 19 August 2012 23:00 posted by Guest

    I am coming to the area and: I am coming to the area and am needing support as I will be leaving my daughter with her father who has taken her from Me. We are in the middle of custody battle and I just cannot afford to live here without any support whatsoever. I am terrified.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 19 August 2012 07:33 posted by Guest

    Dear hopelessly lost: That is kidnapping. He will lose his portion of custody if you report it and he continues to do it. If you do t report it and he asks for more custody he may get it based on being allowed over time to have your son more then your current agreement states.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 18 August 2012 14:14 posted by Guest

    mind your business. whatever: mind your business. whatever is happening with your fiancé and his child and her mother is none of your business but you sure as hell have a lot of "we"'s in your comment. smh.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 18 August 2012 00:42 posted by Guest

    Hopelessly Lost: Hopelessly Lost
    I don’t know what to do. My Ex manipulated me throughout our marriage and now he is doing it to our son. He has visitation every other weekend and I have primary custody. I work full-time and our 14 year old usually stays home until I get home from work. While my Ex has always been disrespectful toward me, he has become more so in the last year. He doesn’t allow me to talk to my son when he is with him and has started picking my son up from school without telling me. He even pulled him out of school without my knowledge (I found out when the school called to say he had missed is afternoon classes). The worst part is he has convinced my son to lie to me about his whereabouts. When I’ve confronted my Ex, he tells me he doesn’t have to tell me when he picks up his son. Recently, my son has been distant and evasive about his activities. Three weeks ago, while he was visiting with his father, his father suffered a serious injured and was taken to the hospital. My son was taken to the hospital with him. It was a day and a half before anyone called to tell me that my son had stayed in the hospital with his father the whole time so he could “take care” of him. Once I knew where he was, I went to pick my son up from the hospital. When I arrived, I found a tired and hungry young man. He had gone without sleep and had only eaten some food from his father’s lunch tray. I checked on his father’s condition and told him I was taking our son home. He told me I couldn’t take him because he was taking care of him. Needless to say, I did take him home so he could eat and rest. Later when I asked my son why he didn’t call me, he said he was told he couldn’t use his cell phone in the hospital. His father recoverd and was released a couple days later. Last week, I became concerned when my son was not answering the phone and was not returning from practice on time. Today, I called to check in and once again he didn’t answer the phone. I tracked his mobile phone and found that he was not home and was at an address I didn’t recognize. I called is father to see if he where he was and he said, “No, I haven’t spoke to him since this morning.” So I left work to go home and look for him. I started knocking on doors in the neighborhood and found out that his father had picked him up a couple of hours earlier. While I was home I received a texted reply to my calls asking my son where he was. It read, “I’m home.” Obviously, he wasn’t at home. I asked him who he was with and to please call me. He replied, “I’m with Dad” “Can you call him.” When I finally reached his father, he told me that he had just picked our son up a few minutes ago and that he was on the other side of town and didn’t have time to talk to me.
    Not only is he lying to me but he has convinced our son to lie to me. Can he really just show up and take my son whenever he wants without calling me? I’ve never told my son that he can’t see his father. The only thing I’ve asked him to do is call me to let me know where he is. What can I do?

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 17 August 2012 15:10 posted by Guest

    don't know what else to do with my son's dad is threatening all : don't know what else to do with my son's dad he is threatening all the time, we have been separated since march '11 and divorce by november 11, he started saying that he would accused me of fraudulent marriage since i'm from another country (we were high school sweethearts in my country) he wanted me to get back w/him and every time he say something about it I told him no, after 7 yrs of a not happy marriage there was nothing else to rescue, since he found out I meet my now boyfriend, he keeps using my 6 yr old son telling him that I don't care about him anymore that i love my bf more than him, i put my son in therapy since march 11, after a bad marriage and his dad anger issues he needed , he keeps brain washing my son, is really sad because he is damaging my little boys heart and feelings, he became so insecure and now he is coping his dad aggresive behavior, slaping doors, throwing things and just angry, i don't make much income, and i ned legal assistance i wish the court makes him go and take therapy to be able to see our son (he was suggested by a therapist to take anger managment classes) i'm looking for a pro bono lawyer in las vegas to help me, someone please help me

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 15 August 2012 08:00 posted by Guest

    First, BIG HUG. You know we: First, BIG HUG. You know we get mad at our cat or dog sometimes, but then realize it's just a stupid,little animal, that's what animals do? Well, your kid is still just a teenager - and that's what teenagers do. I suppose by "poisoning" you mean metaphorically, not physically. He'll come around. Don't push him. My kids are 13 and the more I push them to see me the more they hate it, but when I don't call them, they call me and miss me and come around after a while. I am working on getting them back through the court system now. Anyway, don't insist on seeing each other. When you have something in mind, just invite him; like, "I am doing X this Sunday with Tom and Jen." Then let him process the information. Then add "You can come if you want." People like to feel honored by an invitation, not smothered. If he likes some special dish that you make, food is an excelent bonding tool.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 15 August 2012 07:49 posted by Guest

    I just learned of PAS, so I: I just learned of PAS, so I am not an expert, but I'd say in your situation, firmly and authoritatively let your son know in no uncertain terms that he can't talk to you like that or treat you like that. Maybe he should be reminded that you won't be around forever. Also, he doesn't have to communicate with you if all he has to say is bad things.

    I can feel your pain and my heart is breaking for you. Stay strong sweetheart. Try to find a moment of softness to talk to your son and confide in him that you've been hurting a lot because of the way he's been treating you.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 06 August 2012 10:31 posted by Guest

    "cannot bear" response: Much of the content I see here is with divorcing couples. I have two children (16 and 10) who my sister manipulated the courts to get...and my boyfriend fed the smear campaign...3 years into it my son got in trouble and hurt my little girl...6 years and state corrections wouldn't let me have HER because they do not remove victims from their "home"- though with me is all she ever thinks about... so my son was released home.
    my sister is 10 years older than me, resented my dad marrying our mom, and I suffered for it. my daughter and son are manipulated exactly like I was- only now she is 52 and more venomous. buying their attention and making them feel like all her $ problems are for them. make them hurt for the things they want. and speak badly of me, and pay for judo lessons or concert trips...to consume more time and distract them. SO TO MY POINT: RESEARCHING FOR OPTIONS relating to "dirty pool" (how I refer to the underhandedness) I discovered most states have similar legislation regarding CUSTODIAL INTERFERENCE. Custodial interference is not only contempt with visitation schedules, but is also well prescedented with vastly arrayed verbally derrogetory statements that bash or berrate the other parent, lies and lures which have specific, swift and far reaching consequenses for the perpetrating parent, which in many cases can reverse custody and control of residential schedules. But you have to prepare to fight cold and direct, and it is essential to document any statements from the children about anything said against you, or that make them feel badly for their wanting to see you or live with you. If a child is being made to feel wrong and ugly for the love and longing for an absent parent, it is custodial interference...good luck

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 28 July 2012 13:35 posted by Guest

    Hi,

    If your job allows, and: Hi,

    If your job allows, and you have a good relationship with your kids....I'd follow my kids if I were you! Joint custody SHOULD have a court-order saying she can't move them more than 3 counties away. However, your domain is your home state where custody was established. So you have joint custody at their new residence.

    Drive, fly, walk, crawl to your kids.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 28 July 2012 13:22 posted by Guest

    Hi,

    We live in Texas. My: Hi,

    We live in Texas. My stepson wants to live with us when he turns 12 so we plan to petition the court to get primary custody. I don't know Washington laws, but fight for your son!

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 July 2012 02:28 posted by Guest

    LEGAL TERRORISM
    Fighting war: LEGAL TERRORISM
    Fighting war against terrorists in Iraq, Iran, and Afghanistan is a diversion to keep the citizens of the United States distracted about the terrorist psychopaths in the American Legal System.
    I have discovered that there is no access to the United States legal system for the middle class and poor of the United States. I came to these courts asking for justice and I left further ...injured. When I asked the legislature and the administrative system that is set up to oversee the legal system, I was sent a curt response that no laws or ethics had been violated. These administrative personnel have condoned the use of terror in our court system. The administrative personnel and/ or pathology personalities have colluded with the crooks of the system and have become supporters of terror (tools of the psychopath). Our courts have become tools for the wealthy to oppress the poor.
    I have recently discovered that there are administrative laws on the books of each state. Although these laws are not available to the public, you must have access to the legal search engines to find these laws. You will need to go to a law library and use the legal search engines to find the laws of your state.
    This is another aspect of terrorism, keep the rules secret, and run by a secret organization that is not monitored by public citizens.
    I am not an attorney and after I have seen what attorneys do, I would never become a part of this terrorist organization which support techniques of abuse used by pathological personalities. You must adhere to the rules of the crime boss to continue to practice law and if you decide to “spill the beans to the public”, you will fear physical and financial death.
    The terror system that I faced was family court. This court claims to assist families in the state break the state contract of marriage. They actually post the motto: “Helping the families of Florida”. While in reality, they are torturing and committing Florida families to a life of torture and grave danger; financially, physically and emotionally.
    I am unable to afford an attorney and the system wants me to go away and accept the crimes they have committed. This court system has caused complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, an injury that many terrorist organizations skillfully employ to damage and keep the victim lifeless and quiet.
    The same occurs all over the nation. Our system of justice plays favorites; you are a favorite until the money runs out or if you have more money than the other spouse. Divorce to a personality disorder is war and there are disordered attorneys who also have no conscience. I hope that one day we will all be able to heal and join together to stop the legal torture of vulnerable citizens.
    Without a dispassionate and objective justice system based directly on the Constitution there can be no justice. Individuals must know they can have justice despite income or condition. Without these conditions being met no free market is possible. We provide tools for the accomplishment of this, the true justice, enacted by the people.
    As always: FOLLOW THE MONEY



  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 16 July 2012 02:07 posted by Guest

    Help my 12 year old doesnt want to go home: My 12 year old wants to live with me not his mother. She is remarried and picks on him and calls him names. He crys all the time and ask to live with us. What can I do, I am in the state of
    WA and have joint custody?

  • Comment Link Vanessa L. Stock Stuckey Wednesday, 11 July 2012 12:51 posted by Vanessa L. Stock Stuckey

    Your life is mine exactly: I grew up with my ex. Knew him (or thought I knew him) since the first day of seventh grade. The ex which will refer to as "Liar" for the purposes of this reply to your posting.
    1. you are experiencing Parental Alienation. My opinion: it is a punishable hate crime. No. There are NO laws, no regulations, nothing in place to control/counteract Parental Alienation. This is because there are no APA (American Psychiatric Association) professionally/medically mandated categorizations accorded to NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER or NPD. Your ex is a narcissist. Welcome to my world. Educate yourself about narcissism, you will be fully equipped to understand how you and your children have been rendered victims of emotional manipulative hostage-taking vampires like my ex.
    2. In answer to your well-considered questions and remarks..you asked/posted including, "Can anyone attest to this?" Yes. And I KNOW EXACTLY what you are going through and it should be a hate crime as I stated above.
    2.a. Ad Litum attorneys appointed for the children are worthless money grubbing zero cash inflow losers who rob you of your money, fake their way through PA cases, and laugh ALL the way to the bank. They are, after all, attorneys. Attorneys are liars...like your ex...like my ex. I can understand why you cannot aford to pursue this horse droppings circus in court any longer. The courts, judges, attorneys, so-called CPS lie to your face while their hands are in your checking account. These people lie, too, which is how the Law of Attraction applies to negative evil people inasmuch as it applies to positive genuine individuals like you and me. The children are tools, pawns, used and abused. But don't tell the abusing ex and their team of liars that bit of truth. They will predictably go crazy on you....because you are aptly correctly describing their evil plans founded on lie upon lie. As long as Parental Alienation is allowed to occur without ONE single law to quell/counter it, there will be guaranteed cash inflow for the courts, government services, attorneys, psychologists, psychiatrists, everybody but for the honest parent like you and me. Why would doing the right thing compel these evil doers from their ill-gotten revenues? After all, you and I are helping these judges be re-elected! These attorneys make partner! The answer: do not engage in the courts when it comes to Parental Estrangement/Parental Alienation. Look out for yourself with the money. The ex wants to run your into financial ruin while maintaining division between you and your dear children.
    2.b. YOU are not an unfit parent. THIS is how the ex orchestrates vile plans: they KNOW you are the better loving parent. Your children and everyone else knows this fact, too. However comma you must be stopped or you will prevail, reveal the lies and mayhem of the narcissist, and, Heaven forbid...win....as if you care about winning. You don't. You want happy humans, your children, shared custody. But forget that fair equitable plan. If your ex has to SHARE the tools (aka: children) with YOU, THAT'S not going to happen. As a result, you are lied about and character assasination about you abounds. That's just the beginning...
    2.c. "I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy." I have said the exact same thing a million times. I totally agree with you here, too.
    2.d. "Is there any recourse for the actions of the mother?" No. None.
    2.e. "The "experts" couldn't do anything except say - take her to court but she will put your daughter on the stand. I obviously can do that. Thoughts?" You can put your daughter on the stand but you will be labeled a jerk and manipulator when indeed your ex is the jerk, the liar, the manipulator. You will lose, too. Guaranteed. After all, YOU earn money; your ex does not. The courts, the attorneys, the ex LIVE to kill the Golden Goose. You are just one victim to the many they have victimized and plan to attack. The kids are just tools; just used to hurt you on every level.
    Signed, Vanessa L. Stock Stuckey, MBA

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 10 July 2012 21:30 posted by Guest

    Feel like Im losing the battle, father aleinating my girls: I want to first say that thank goodness Im not alone. I have two girls ages 12 and 9 and have been done with their dad since June 2009 his choice and I ran with it. Anyhow things were very rocky between us and things came to a head in Nov of 2011 he showed up started to argue with me about the girls and where my oldest one wanted to live ( now I realize he must have been working on her a while). I didn't feel comfortable with him taking them over night being the mind frame he was in but decided to refrain me assault me and take the girls. I called the police but of coarse they do nothing in these sitiuations but say you need to go down to the court house on Monday this was on a Friday and well he never brought them back. The next thing I know Im at court trying to file an emergency motion and he beat me to it. My biggest mistake was not setting custody and visitation in the first place but me being the nice ex wanted to work things out amicably and boy did that back fire. The allegations in his order were so horrendous and outlandish I could not believe what I was reading. They said a little something like this, i beat my kids with paddles and belts, I have weapons such as knifes in my house, I have no food and I live in deplorable conditions. So we were set for court and this whole time it was in DV court which included a court clinician. From the that day forward my kids have told the courts that I abused them and their dad had temporary custody. My oldest refuses to talk or see me and I have supervised visitations with my youngest 2x a week. For a while it was going really well with her then I noticed she became more withdrawn and not a happy little girl. We were all ordered to counseling which I have complied with, we each have our own therapist but her I am 8 months into this and still cant get any justice. About 6 days after this happened CYFD shows up to my house and does an inspection and tells me there is nothing wrong with where I live and also said they interviewed my kids and there was absolutely no signs of abuse or neglect. Shortly after that I recieved a letter in the mail stating there was to be no further action that this was all about a custody dispute. So you think this would help right? Wrong we were in court a couple more times and my visitation got to be longer with my youngest and thats it. I recently met with my kids therapist and expressed my need for family counseling. The longer the kids are with their dad the worst they have got. The last hearing was in March and the court clinician said and I quote "If there is not a break through in the next couple of months then we need to look at manipulation by the father" ok really well how in the heck does someone prove that. My daughters also expressed that they were afraid of me and I was taken back I could not believe it.
    I just dont feel there is stability for then, in fact he was in about 5 different relationships since we split and had the kids around each person. The most recent was with a lady he knew for a couple of months I just found out they got married this past weekend after being together 6 months. I feel that my kids haven't been given the opportunity to heal and reconnect with me and BOOM he gets married how confusing for them. He has moved the girls a total of 2x never notifying me of an address I have to find out from my youngest who by the way is to well versed in court language and it makes me so mad! Why should they be involved in this way so frustrating. I feel that my kids haven't been given the opportunity to heal and reconnect with me and BOOM he gets married how confusing for them. I also feel very nervous and anxious with my oldest daughter because you see she's more like a boy then a girl and I love her no matter what but he is forcing her to grow her hair out ( which I always allowed her to keep it short) making her dress a certain way and pulling out of her school and away from kids shes grown up with since kindergarten. Its more convenient for him since he moved to move her out of her school. I don't know if she has a gender identity issue or is going to be gay but I don't care she will always be my daughter and I will always love her no matter what. To make matters worse Im going through a forclosure had to file bankrupcy and my fears are this will look really bad in court. At the end of the day I know what kind of person and mother I am but I want everyone else to know also, something has got to give here. There is so much I can write about but I've had a really tough day Im so confused, sad, mad, frustrated and the list goes on and on. Ive spent $4000 on a lawyer which was terrible I need help if anyone has any suggestions please let me know.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 09 July 2012 00:08 posted by Guest

    disagree: My ex attempted to alienate my son from me as she moved in with her boyfriend, the problem was my son and I had an excellent relationship. I have daily told the kid he was loved and that I was proud of him. When we lived together I was the one he spent all of his evenings and weekends with. I never changed my behavior and early on when I seen how things were going as hard as it was I did not speak bad about his mother. During this period my ex would bribe me in front of my child telling me I would not be able to take him unless I provided her signatures or money etc. She even prevented me from seeing him for nearly 90-days finally caving after his behavior became unmanageable for her. After the divorce was completed she even started taking him to child therapists - his response was he started speaking up at 8 years saying he wanted to live with his father - then 9 - years he was still stating this with each attempt and now at 10 - years they got into a fight and she kicked him out, week later apologized and his response to her was if you are sorry and you love me you will let me live with my Dad. This is without Dad saying a word, just doing what a Dad should do and that is spend time with his kid.

    My experience if both parents spend time with their kid, no matter who is right, if a parent speaks ill toward the other than the parent doing the talking looses in the long run. That is why it is repeatedly said not to fight in front of your child.

    At 7 years old I did ask the child when he was living with me who did he want to live with. At 7-years old he said if he could keep seeing me on the weekends he wanted to live with his mother as he thought she needed him more. Just imagine how thoughtful this is for a kid this age. Now he is telling everyone at 10-years that he wants to live with Dad because he knows Dad will not stop him from seeing his mother and he knows Dad will never let anyone throw him out.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 08 July 2012 02:05 posted by Guest

    Take your ex to court for: Take your ex to court for contemp of court due to violation of child visitation. List in your motion the same things you mention: your attempts to reach the mother and your child for visitation, no responses from either of them, and your emotional status. With this your ex will have to give a legitimate excuse as to why she not following with court orders and can possibly throw her in jail. Always call the police and file a report afterwards if your ex continues to do this and keep taking her to court. Eventually she'll get the picture and good luck!

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 05 July 2012 04:31 posted by Guest

    Do you have an agreement in: Do you have an agreement in writing? If so, does it specify anything in there about one parent removing the children from the territory you live in? If so, does it specify a time frame to give notice of such a move? I would suggest you look into that. Cops usually don't get involved in custody issues. Lawyers like to string you along and play on your emotions and drain you monetarilly and emotionally. Ex's like to punish each other by using the children as pawns and to turn one against the other. Fight fire with fire. A call to children's services saying that you are concerned for your children's safety would be a good idea. The simple fact that your ex moved away with the kids is a total denial of your rights. But then again, when you get stupid in a court room you never win. Good luck.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 05 July 2012 04:22 posted by Guest

    Do you have joint/shared: Do you have joint/shared custody? If so, go see her at school at lunch one day. Sign up as a volunteer at the school. Complain to your lawyer. If you don't share custody, tell your lawyer you want that. Withhold support payments until your ex agrees to joint custody, and get it in writing. Once she signs, pay the money. If your ex violates the agreement, then you half something on her. It's nasty, but after all, she's a bitch anyways.

  • Comment Link Lawrence35 Monday, 02 July 2012 02:12 posted by Lawrence35

    My lost daughter with no contact : I have. A 15yr old daughter I have a 50/50 custody. I have been too. Court I discipline my child not in any way harmful. Jus being a father told her too sit in a chair an look at the wall. When her mother came too get her she got in the car an left an. Was crying all of a sudden I get a phone call at sunday 2:00 am. She called the police on me they make. A report an so forth. Then Monday came an then tue we'd no show of. My daughter. So theen I hear a knock on the door a guy hands. Me a court paper. For me too be in court on thur morning so I go. The mother has filed emergency custody for me disciplining my child so I go she tells the judge she wants full custody the judges denys her request. An appoints us. Too. Mediation now. It's. Been about a 2 week I haven't heard from. My. Child since court. I have no contact with her I call. Her. An. Leave a message. But I don't know if she is even tellin her I called. To make matters worst I have a 10 yr old. I had. Too tell here that she may not be comming over so that way she can adjust. I go too court on July 17 for mediation I'm not. Sure what too dO. At this point or what to say please. Help. Thanks.

  • Comment Link jhmom Sunday, 01 July 2012 14:54 posted by jhmom

    Help! My ex is starting to poison my son.: I'm feeling really, really low today. My divorce was finalized 2 days ago. A couple of weeks ago my 19 year-old son with Asperger's decided to live with his dad full time. Partly it's due to the fact that he wants to live in the home he grew up in. My ex is keeping our home. But the other part is that my ex is poisoning him.

    Ex is officially diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which means he has no ability to empathize. He's never had anything to do with my son until I filed for divorce. Now my son doesn't even want to see me. He's 19, so it's his decision. There are no visitation rights.

    Today I told my son that I wanted to see him. He wasn't so sure and when I asked him why he said he wasn't sure what we would do. I said, get together for coffee, go out to dinner, see a movie. He said he'd have to think about it. He said he wasn't mad but told me but was clear that there were "other reasons" for not wanting to see me.

    Two weeks ago he and I came home from a family vacation. He picked a regular "teenaged" fight with me and ran away from me while we were changing planes. He switched seats so we didn't sit together and told them that I stole a blanket. Then he texted his dad and told him he wanted to be picked up. It was 12:30AM! My ex drove out to pick him up. My son apologized before he was picked up and said he hated me but loved me at the same time. Well now my ex has had those 2 weeks to continue to poison him. This is just an example of what my ex is doing.

    My son is the last thing he was to steal. And it's working. I miss my son so much. I can call him, but that's about it. He waxes and wanes about things, so I'm hopeful I can do something before everything goes off the rails. My son's therapist told me to make sure we do things together, but I can't force him.

    Now that he's living with Ex, Ex has to parent, which he's never done. He has to get my son ready for a trip to Iceland. The group he's going with has been told that it's very cold at night and that he needs quite specific things. Ex has done nothing. He doesn't care if my son freezes. He doesn't want to spend any money. And I don't have it. I could buy a new sleeping bag but that's about it.

    I've been crying all day and feel so lost. I thought I would feel happy and relieved that the last 8 months of horrid, stepped up abuse was over. But no. I feel horribly depressed which is why I turned to you.

    What should I do?

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 15 June 2012 20:51 posted by Guest

    Character Assassination: What do you do when your children are in their 40s and still listen to your ex blame you for everything? My son is in a control situation. He helps me financially because I am 66 and on Social Security. He constantly yells at me about spending money, which I don't spend, and tells me how I never should have gotten a divorce from his dad. Because he helps me out, he tries to control every thing I do. I should no see men, I cannot have a dog I should not buy clothes. He might have to pay for something. I am a wicked mother.

    I am a mother who was always there to help and support my kids. I was the one who took care of them financially when their dad would not do it. I never kept anything from them they needed or wanted if I could afford it. They don't even remember the things their dad did. He was verbally abusive and called them names, told them they were stupid, and even hit my son with the truck in the garage. My son says he doesn't even remember it. He things he is justified in belittling me and yelling at me and telling me what a lair I am. He refuses to take responsibility for his mouth just like his dad. It has been 10 years. How can you help me?

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 09 June 2012 17:48 posted by Guest

    Really???: Well, YOU young lady are not on the other side.. The children don't have the option of not seeing you.. It should be handled as if you lived in the same home. You see your kids on a regular basis, so should he. They should not or never should have been given a choice. When you gave them that you made him the heavy, the bad guy.. He loves and misses his kids and if they were given no other choice they would accept it. That is what a normal alienating ex spouse says. ( I didn't do anythng) The laws will change... for the childs best interest is to have a relationship with both parents. Too bad.. if they have things going on, they only have two parents and he is one of them. IF the shoe were on the other foot.. I expect you would feel the same, but how could you know. One day those kids will be searching for the security of a male in their lives and YOU will have been the one to take it from them. They are not old enough to decide for themselves.. Consult a professional if you don't agree.. See what he or she says. You have created this problem. I have been on both sides of the coin.. IT is not pretty.. and the kids are the ones that are hurt and it will be your fault as the custodial parent... if you don't grow up and be the parent they deserve. One that makes choices for them and takes the weight off of their shoulders.. Michelle

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 02 June 2012 02:34 posted by Guest

    Maybe you should have been: Maybe you should have been encouraging your "boyfriend" to make time for his wife and children. You are so self-absorbed that you don't see the irony and absurdity of your post. Well, when he leaves you foe someone new, you can look back and see how clueless you really were.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 31 May 2012 22:04 posted by Guest

    Alienation - what's the recourse?: My ex of 4 years has completely warped my daughter, now 13. it is to the point where my daughter has not told me she loves me in over 2 years. I provide for her and her brother in every way but it is now to the point where she doesn't want to come and see me (I live out of state). I do the driving to and from their mother's home but she has been enveloped in a web of anger and volatility. My daughter has told me that she knows who is to blame and that her mother told her everything. This beautiful girl, who I would give my life for, has a perceived reality that has become her world.
    The "experts" have said that they can see what is going on (Parental Alienation) but cannot legally force the mother to do anything. The lawyers have just stolen the money, as have the so called "experts" (my ex had a GAL appointed for the children because she wanted sole custody and she tried to say I was an unfit father).
    I have tried co-parenting counseling but the mother refuses to adopt the ideas of the counselor. I can't afford to pursue this in court any more and, honestly, it would hurt the children more if I did. we have joint custody but she manipulates the children's time and, with her family close by and in on the act, I have the odds stacked against me.
    I try to understand that my daughter is not to blame and I text her and call her every day, without reply. I am told that she will come around. Can anyone attest to this? I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
    Is there any recourse for the actions of the mother? The "experts" couldn't do anything except say - take her to court but she will put your daughter on the stand. I obviously can do that.
    Thoughts?

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 29 May 2012 09:11 posted by Guest

    I'm sorry, but you sound just: I'm sorry, but you sound just like my husband's ex wife. She views everything just like you. But it is just another manipulative task. Maybe Dad has to "work" to pay child support and that get's twisted that he is not available. OR "pushing to meet the OW" could be possibly he wants all the people in his life that he loves to get along in harmony because he has moved on. Unless this OW is mean to your kids, you should accept he has moved on from you. Too many ex wives try to pretend they are not angry...........but they are and don't think the kids aren't affected by it. YOU at least have an ex that tells your kids he loves them and they mean the world, be thankful. Why don't you start ENCOURAGING the relationship with their dad, that would be the right thing to do.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 22 May 2012 14:25 posted by Guest

    Blame is easier than looking in the mirror: I'm on the other side of the coin - my STBX constantly blames ME for the alienation he's experiencing as a result of his own actions.

    I've done nothing except to encourage our older kids to see him. I've never stood in the way of visitation, yet he blames me when the kids won't do what he wants (they're old enough to decide for themselves and they have busy lives). Unfortunately, rather than listening TO them and doing what THEY need right now, he continually pushes his own agenda, uses guilt and money to get them to do what he wants, and of course blames me when they refuse.

    I can clearly see how he's digging his own grave by blatantly putting 'his' life first and cancels or makes other plans during scheduled times, adamantly telling the kids they they mean the world to him and they'll always come first (empty words). Pushing the kids to meet the OW so he can legitimize their relationship (even though we're not divorced) - putting them in an even more uncomfortable place than before. Oh and that's my fault, too. Ugh. It's easier to blame someone else than look in the mirror and actually take responsibility for the choices we make, I guess.

    At the end of the day, I can't change what he did or is still doing. I can only change myself. So I accept him as their father and expect they'll continue to have a relationship with him on their terms. Their relationship is between THEM, and I'm staying out of it. I continue to take the high road, keep my mouth shut, avoid saying anything negative about him, and watch as his actions continue to speak volumes.

    I TRULY feel horrible for those of you who are dealing with real parental alienation. And I'm very sorry for what you're going through. Your kids will figure it out someday. I've seen it happen. Just keep BEING the supportive and loving parent (have patience, I know it's very difficult!) that you WANT to be for them, that they deserve. REMAIN in their lives as much as you can, even if only by email or a card or note - remember their birthdays and special occasions, and BE there for them no matte what, and eventually, hopefully, they'll come around.

    I wish I could spare all our children this heartache.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 17 May 2012 21:44 posted by Guest

    You have done the right: You have done the right thing, its very difficult to let go I understand and its very difficult to let go when your ex is a head case (probable personality disorder) You son will come back to you. its just a matter of time. If you can stay in his life, keep calling and saying you love him. You can't help who your parents are and children, no matter what they are dealt with need both of them in their lives. As they grow they begin to see clearly and vote with their feet. Perhaps ask to have him on the holiday period, you might find he won't want to go back. In every case do not bag the mother to the children. The kids will love you for it!

    Good luck and carry on the good work!

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 12 May 2012 01:59 posted by Guest

    Wow i can totally relate. My: Wow i can totally relate. My story is too much to write from my phone but I'm reaching put becausei thought i was the only mother who was going to be alone on mothers day because of an evil ex. My eleven year old son hates me and constantly says I'm mean, though i only see him every other weekend because of court agreement. Similar to you o have him to my ex years ago bc i thought it was best but he's now turned him against me and my son refuses to come with me for last three months. I'm trying to petition the courts to order counseling and to enforce my rights. But I'm afraid the damage is done and I've lost my son forever. I am so sorry for what you are going through and i will pray for you. Its sad that these things happen and to make matters worse people judge us and don't understand out side. I may not be perfect but i don't deserve my son to hate me and I'm passive neither do you

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 06 May 2012 01:07 posted by Guest

    support group in Charlotte: If there is a support group in Charlotte for this type of alienation, please contact me. My ex has totally turned my son against me to the point that my son (who turned 15 on May 2) will not talk to me at all, and doesn't want to see me. This is my nightmare come true. I know my son is not getting the support, love, or discipline he needs. Thanks in advance.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 05 May 2012 18:00 posted by Guest

    my 2 sons: my ex wife left me for another man when my first son was 6 and my youngest was 4. she got custody of them and i turned from a full time dad (love it) to a part time dad (hate it). She would tell my boys that if they dont act good at her house they would not be able to visit with me on the weekends and holidays.

    I informed her she could not legally keep them from my weekend visits, but all she did was get mad and she could never understand why it was wrong to tell our children that?? plus she would talk bad about me to the kids ect... blah blah blah.

    So she married the guy she left me for, he went to jail for 5 years ( she supported him) and she moved in with his sister during his locked up days. my oldest started talking bad to her and causing trouble over at her house when he hit his teenage hormone years and so he wanted to move in with me when he was 12 and he moved in with me

    So my sons were split up ( something i did not want) and my oldest started improving with me at my house( he is fine now and does not really talk to his mom at all).
    so we still shared visiting and 5 months before her hubby got out of prison she divorced him. while on vacation to texas ( to see her family) she met a new man and she moved out of her inlaws house into her own apartmant and the new man moved in, my little son ( now 10) did not like him and would talk bad to me about him.

    so now my ex and her new man have moved to texas and took my little son( now 11) and i miss him dearly.
    but my issue is she split up our children by being a head case. i have custody of my oldest and she has custody of the youngest. but my question is that when my youngest starts to be a teenager will he act out as my oldest did, and will she have him live with me?? i sure hope so, i miss my son.
    i let my little son move out of state with her because he wanted to, i figured if i stopped it then we would be in court until he was 18 and he would resent me for things, and i only have a couple more years with him until he is on his own and id rather spend them happy ish and not fighting

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 02 May 2012 03:48 posted by Guest

    turned my child against me.: It has been over a year since me and my ex broke up. At that time I had to leave our house that we shared because it was an abusive situation for me,however my ex was always really close with my son,so because I did not have a stable place to go at the time I felt like it was a good idea to let him stay with my ex until I could get on my feet and find a stable place. I then met a great guy and started dating him,we became very serious and moves in together. Since that happened there was an,agreement that me and my ex had, and that agreement was that I would have my son every other weekend. The only reason why I even agreed to that is because if I pushed any harder my ex would cause trouble at my new house. Now my ex is telling my son that I don't love him and my boyfriend comes first to me and my son dosen't. Now my son won't come with me anymore and alwaya ask's my ex why I don't care about him anymore this is killing me...

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 30 April 2012 03:47 posted by Guest

    PARENTAL ALIENATION: I am 50 years of age and have 9 year old daughter, whom I haven't seen for a period of 1 year. After 5 years of coming to my house and everything was ok, all of a sudden, she started to say that she does not feel comfortable and stop coming altogether. She refused to talk to me, write to me, or do anything with me. I had lost all contact with her and I am very hurt. When she was only 3 years of age, her mother accused me of child molestation. We went through the court system and investigation, and nothing was found on me. The child services even recommended that my daughter continues overnight visitations. I, on the other hand, decided not to have overnight, and for a period to have one day every other week. Now, I dont' have anything. I am hurt emotionally. I carry a huge scar in my hart. My ex does not return my calls and I do not know what to do anymore.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 24 April 2012 03:45 posted by Guest

    theres hope: Im going threw the same issues. There is hope in every situation. We as fathers have rights to be fathers to our children . If those rights r being violated fight for ur fatherly rights. Ive been up and down with cops,lawyers and judges. Ive looked into Fathers for rights. It has help me tramendasly with giving me my fatherly rights. Always remember you are the father and u have rights to. Fight for your rights.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 20 April 2012 00:18 posted by Guest

    help: I have been divorced form my ex since our child was 2 I gave him primary care because I had no job no place to live. over the years I have had to fight to stay in her life in/ out of court. some I did with a lawyer some without. the last year 1/2 my daughter has grown meaner & meaner to me saying things I've heard her step mom & her dad say, but because she is 13 turning 14 & get honor roll her lawyer thinks she is too smart to fall for PS.. however she has been told if she ever lived with me they would treat her like she died.
    they dont let me call, she has to hide it when she emails me ( which she stopped just a few days ago), she has no respect for my visitation.. she is my heart I am truely sad & dont know what to do I am scared its only a matter of time before she tells the court she dont want to see me & they listen because shes "old enough" although over the years she has been alienated from me not even allowed to call me mom. what can I do to stay connected to her? note I continue to sending her loving emails even though she has stopped emailing me.. how can I prove ps without sounding like I am bashing her father, as I've been told not to do- 4 those not being allowed to see your kids fight for them legal aid, represent yourself do whatever it takes they need you.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 April 2012 09:57 posted by Guest

    cant bear not seeing my kids: hi there,i know exactly how you feel and what you are going through,i am at this very moment going through the same thing.I have 2 children ages 8 and 3,boy and a girl.i left with my kids back in aug last year,my husband was violent and cheating,i was advised by police and domestic violence to leave with the children,when he found out he called the police and within 2 days he had been awarded a resedency order as he told told the judge i was going going to run out country,even though police new where i was and that he had the passport they believed him. Since then i have been fighting for my kids,he involved social services,told them loads of lies and instead of them investigating they took his word for it. As a result i was only getting my children 2 days a week supervised and no over night stays,since then we have been in and out of court,the judge has removed the social worker from the case as he agreed they didnt fulfil they duties,but that hasnt repaired the damage they already caused. At the moment i am only getting to see my daughter who 3yrs and not my son as his father has continuosly interrigated him,scarred him,i have not seen or spoke to my son for over a month,even though the father has been told he is to make my son available,i write letters to my son i call the kids twice and week and very rearly get to talk to them,at the moment my ex refuses any contact with my son and is now trying to do the same thing with my daughter. My ex is always making out to our son that he gets left out not wanted his feeling dont mean anything but im am always demanding contact to take place,the father is totally turning my kids against me,i know have to see a psychologist to prove i can take care of my children and there are no risk,even though i already proven this before but it all comes down to my ex continuos lies,the fight for my kids continues,it is heart breaking as he disrespects me to the kids,its very difficult.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 18 April 2012 22:46 posted by Guest

    THIS HAS TO STOP: When I tell you my story you will not believe what vicious ex's could do! for 18 yrs I lived with my husband who 4 1/2 yrs ago out of no where started accusing me of cheating, for 2 yrs I dealt with him hiding recorders in my car, my house and even inside the lining of my purse when I went to work...I was warned not to speak to anyone of the apposite sex, however I had to since I work in a very large Company. Well a little over 2 1/2 yrs ago we went to a party at his sisters where she insisted since I was not driving I should keep drinking shots to celebrate her birthday and my husband went to sleep 3 hrs into the party because he was too drunk something that never happened before because he will always be the last one to leave any party...at some point into the party a totally blocked out and some hrs later was woken up with my husband screaming what did you do! I had no bottoms and was laying on the couch in the basement where supposedly my husband was sleeping on the floor next to the couch...well it turns out his 21 yr old nephew rapped me but because I was unconscious and could not say no, the police took it as consensual no matter how much I tried to cry for help...that's when my nightmare started 1 mth later I was thrown out in the street with an order of protection from my ex. He kept my house, my kids and my dog. 3 months later he had his girlfriend living there and they were all playing house and has turned my daughter and son so against me, that I feel like I'm a stranger and no matter what he does he is always the victim, arrested for DWI, stabbed in a bar fight...but all he has to do is play victim that even the court system gives him what he wants...I keep thinking God has forgotten about me because my whole life I have been a loving and loyal wife, mother and now grandmother but always get the worst end of the stick. Sorry so long but had to share it is killing me inside.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 01 April 2012 00:05 posted by Guest

    why just mothers?: No. Alienation is not just for mothers. It can be for dads who stayed at home raising the kids.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 31 March 2012 19:48 posted by Guest

    There Is Hope: My situation is so similar, however I had my children live with their father for schooling purposes when they were 5 and 7 years old because of a very bad neighborhood. That's a long story in itself, however, neither the father nor step mom wanted them on weekends, holidays, family, gatherings, etc. On weekends we were involved in speedskating, so they'd be somewhere else besides in the same horrible neighborhood. I so loved them, and still do. So I dedicated my life to them, and when my daughter was in 6th grade, and my son in 9th, they came back to live with me full time, when I finally started my own business, and found a place to move out of the city of Detroit. Things seemed to be fine, but ever so slightly they began to pick at me, and criticize me. I didn't pay any attention. Then, as time went on, I met another man and moved out onto a farm. Of course our visits were limited. But, my son would come with his girlfriends, and we all had really wonderful times. Well, now my son met the final girlfriend, who he has married. She would never come to meet my father, nor lunches I would have with my son, then when they got married, they'd come out, we had a great time, and I thought everything was fine....until she became pregnant. Then, all of a sudden, I felt being shut out by them, and especially the father and step mom, who never had children of her own. One day I made a fatal comment on a social page, that I so regret, however, next thing I know the step mom is making all kinds of totally false accusations, saying I did things in the past that are not true, then said I don't love my children, want them all to myself, said I robbed her and their father of being with them when they were young when neither she nor their dad wanted them, and that she is now going to "tell the truth" to my children, which she did. This is a nightmare. I am heart broken. Why would this woman do this? She wants to be called grandma, and wants to BE the grandma, and does not want me around, and I've found she's the reason the distance between myself and my daughter in law. I gave them a gift when I stupidly made a comment, but what kind of a woman says to children of any age that your mother doesn't love them and wants her son and wife to split? I do not know how to handle this except to let them go, and maybe one day they'll know what this woman is saying is just not true. I talked to my son who just doesn't want to hear any of it, but says "we each have our own truth"...but I do not do that. I have facts to support what I am saying, and this step mom, who I once thought was a godsend, all has made things up either out of thin air, or from what my children's father has been telling her...pitting one against the other, all this time, throughout the years. I feel like such a fool as I told and still tell my children that their dad loves them, and the step mom is still the best I've ever known. This is just unbelievable. She destroyed a lifetime of love and total care, putting my children first at every turn, in three paragraphs. I think getting involved with other children who appreciate our hearts is a good and sound solution. Thanks for listening.

  • Comment Link katyv Saturday, 31 March 2012 13:48 posted by katyv

    Prental Alienation: My heart just aches for you. My fiance is going through the same thing. I try to not to judge his ex but after a conversation I had with his oldest daughter (she is 8) and I heard the things she was saying about her dad, it was as if she was a mini-version of her mom. Her words were ugly and full of hate about situations and events that not only was she too young to remember but were twisted and changed to make him the bad guy. I tried to explain how much her dad loves her and that everybody makes mistakes, and that means mom's and dad's. She wouldn't hear it and insisted that, not only was her mom perfect and right about everything, but that her dad doesn't love her like her mom does and she wishes she never had to go over to his house again. All this despite how hard he has worked to provide for them, the fact that he never denies them access to their mom and has made many, many sacrifices to make sure that they want fior nothing. His daughter even took an innocent situation, lied about it and blew it totally out of proportion to the point where the authorities were involved. The good news is any complaints were groundless and the family services worker totally supported their father; however the wounds still remain, the trust is gone and the actions of his daughter have hurt the whole family. Now we are trying to heal and at the same time trying hard not to blame the daughter because she is the one caught in the middle. No matter what, we never say anything bad about her mom. We try to be patient, remember the source of the ugliness coming out of her mouth and do everything we can to avoid engaging his daughter into any conversations having to do with her mom. Instead we reply "That's nice" or "She sure is a great mom" or "I'm so sorry you feel that way but we love you." It is very hard and to be honest, there are times when I am so upset I can't look at her. Her level of deceit and constant negative attitude is exhausting and I know that I watch my treatment of her for fear she will twist my actions into something their not. But hopefully, with time, patience and consistency in our treatment of she will come to understand who the real bad guy is in this situation. Then her mother will understand that karma truly exists.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 26 March 2012 15:59 posted by Guest

    There is HOPE: I appreciate your story as I am going through the same thing, I moved from MI to NC for work and allowed my daughters 12 and 14 to stay with their dad for school purposes. Since my move, which was almost 3yrs ago, the first 2 yrs were ok, they came for the summer, but would call him every 2mins(on cell phones I pay for) to keep him updated on what we were doing. During the year I would take flights back home just to visit them, my last visit is when I started noticing the tension. Even though I wasn't there they would still visit my family EVERY weekend, now they no longer are interested in my family, wont call me, wont return my calls and have been told by their father I no longer want them in my life, which is not the case. Now, if they do call me its for financial request. This situation is so hard to bear, I thought I was going to lose my mind. This is where hope steps in, although my situation with my girls is not the best, there are many children that need mentors, Big brothers/sisters or just positive people around them. I started dedicating my time to organizations that have children that need help. I have grown many relationships with these children, and although they are not my own, I love them like they are. IT HELPS ME KEEP MY SANITY. Instead of spending time crying over my own, I pray for them and go help someone elses. When you are a loving parent it is just embedded in you, and believe me, the children you help are forever grateful. Volunteering has allowed me to still love, give and nurture children, even if I didn't give birth to them. I know it doesn't solve my own personal issues with my girls, but it will help fill that void. I hope life gets better for you, and everyone else on this site, but don't give up hope, everything will work out the way its suppose to.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 20 March 2012 15:58 posted by Guest

    my ex is doing anything possible to put my kids against me : he is not pitting your children against you he is terrorizing your children you need to to call children services ASAP you need to take them to the doctor i usually dont write to people i always second guess my self but thats a little to obvious you will know when the kids fight you not to go with him i would keep going back to court get physical exams, take them to a counclers they are a big help, their are free ones so dont let that stop you keep on, your children need you help them even more now

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 20 March 2012 02:13 posted by Guest

    Lost my Kids: My ex wife took of the entire way across the country. We have joint physical custody. I have not seen my kids since Christmas. Her mother is trying to keep them from me. My kids love me and I do not want to alienate them from their mother. I just way to touch them read to them, hold them on my lap. I am going crazy!

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 19 March 2012 00:42 posted by Guest

    Reply to lost my daughter: PLEASE PLEASE let your daughter know you never stopped loving her and still care about her. I believe you stated that her Dad had a big part in not allowing her to be a part of your life. All 14 year olds can be selfish and I would be willing to bet she doesn't think you care about her. I am from a divorced home and I am divorced. No matter what you are her mother and that love should be unconditional, because if your mother can't love you that way, who will????

    I say this because my son has only spoken/ seen his Dad once in a year. I don't like his Dad at all, but I know it is in my sons best interest to have some kind of relationship with him. My son used to come home and the words that came out of his mouth were straight from his Dad's mouth. I felt that he was trying to pull him away from me and I still think he was trying, but it back fired. My son is 16 and I think he realized that his Dad was being manipulative and using guilt tactics to turn him against me. Like all 16 year olds my son doesn't always like me, but if he did I wouldn't be parenting. My son doesn't think his Dad cares about him anymore and that breaks my heart! No child should ever feel that their parent doesn't love or care about them! My ex is a control freak and when he stopped being able to control my son's thinking by being manipulative or using the guilt he felt he had lost in some kind of game. He now blames my son and me and takes no responsibility for his own actions. I know I haven't kept my son from his Dad. I have told my son and his Dad that I didn't break it and I can't fix it. They have to work it out. Me being in the middle would only make it worse I fear. His Dad hates me! He has married and divorced 3 x's and had a child with each wife. My son is the middle child. I tell my son that I believe his Dad loves him the only way he knows how and I truly believe that. His Dad is an all or nothing kinda guy. I think it makes him feel better to blame me and his own son than to have to take responsibility for his own actions. I don't care who he blames the end result is the same my son doesn't feel loved by his own Dad and that is WRONG! Do I have reservations about the relationship? Yes, because I know how selfish his Dad is, but I know that I will love my son no matter that and having to share him with his Dad is better than him not feeling loved. No mother should ever want their child to not feel loved or cared for even if it means being the one that gets the short end of the stick sometimes!

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 17 March 2012 14:25 posted by Guest

    Separation happened 6 years: Separation happened 6 years ago. We were able to get along very well with each other for the kids. We shared custody of both our children. Over a year ago my daughter was at my ex house and came home high on marijuana. They had a huge fight and he told her to get out of his house and not to return unless she told him she would never smoke marijuana again. My daughter expressed she wanted to live with me. I encouraged my daughter to call my ex. I encouraged my ex to call my daughter, to talk to her take her to dinner or coffee. Over a year has gone by and they have only spoke a few times and maybe have seen each other 5 times. My ex blames me, although I continue to tell my daughter that your Dad loves you he is just hurt. During this time my son was very rude and disrespectful towards his sister. Tell her to shut up all the time. He started to get disrespectful towards me aswell he would say things like why should I listen to you, you let her do drugs and drink alcohol. I do not want my daughter to drink or do drugs of course and I wish her dad had a better relationship with my daughter.

    I asked my ex if he could help me out with money as having a 15 year old there are many expenses. He provides $60 in gift certificates every two weeks. He makes 65,000 a year. He told me if I wanted anymore then I would have to take him to court. Why this has taken my lawyer over a year to get a court date and cost me $12,000. Right after the pre court meeting in front of the judge who told my ex he would prob have to pay, my ex told me our son was going to live with him.

    Since then my son will not respond to my calls text messages emails. It has been 4 months and have have only seen my son a few times. My ex lives a block away. My son is on his own for most the week while my ex is at work. He also has two daughters that do not speak to their own mother. One of them has become very close to my son. This same one does not speak to me or his sister.

    I have invited my son over several times for dinner and he says that he will come and doesn't. I am completely lost without my son. I can't sleep. I feel sick to my stomach all the time. I am on stress leave at work. I have tried to tell my son how I feel. He just keeps saying quit laying a guilt trip on me. I don't want to lose my son. I have accepted the fact that he lives with his dad but I can not or will not tolerate not having a relationship with my son. I want to be apart of his life. How do I make this happen?





  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 17 March 2012 14:24 posted by Guest

    14 year old son won't talk to me: Separation happened 6 years ago. We were able to get along very well with each other for the kids. We shared custody of both our children. Over a year ago my daughter was at my ex house and came home high on marijuana. They had a huge fight and he told her to get out of his house and not to return unless she told him she would never smoke marijuana again. My daughter expressed she wanted to live with me. I encouraged my daughter to call my ex. I encouraged my ex to call my daughter, to talk to her take her to dinner or coffee. Over a year has gone by and they have only spoke a few times and maybe have seen each other 5 times. My ex blames me, although I continue to tell my daughter that your Dad loves you he is just hurt. During this time my son was very rude and disrespectful towards his sister. Tell her to shut up all the time. He started to get disrespectful towards me aswell he would say things like why should I listen to you, you let her do drugs and drink alcohol. I do not want my daughter to drink or do drugs of course and I wish her dad had a better relationship with my daughter.

    I asked my ex if he could help me out with money as having a 15 year old there are many expenses. He provides $60 in gift certificates every two weeks. He makes 65,000 a year. He told me if I wanted anymore then I would have to take him to court. Why this has taken my lawyer over a year to get a court date and cost me $12,000. Right after the pre court meeting in front of the judge who told my ex he would prob have to pay, my ex told me our son was going to live with him.

    Since then my son will not respond to my calls text messages emails. It has been 4 months and have have only seen my son a few times. My ex lives a block away. My son is on his own for most the week while my ex is at work. He also has two daughters that do not speak to their own mother. One of them has become very close to my son. This same one does not speak to me or his sister.

    I have invited my son over several times for dinner and he says that he will come and doesn't. I am completely lost without my son. I can't sleep. I feel sick to my stomach all the time. I am on stress leave at work. I have tried to tell my son how I feel. He just keeps saying quit laying a guilt trip on me. I don't want to lose my son. I have accepted the fact that he lives with his dad but I can not or will not tolerate not having a relationship with my son. I want to be apart of his life. How do I make this happen?





  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 08 March 2012 10:27 posted by Guest

    I can relate to your story.
    I: I can relate to your story.
    I too married a woman that her own parents warned me about. Being "young and dumb", went ahead and married her, had two children together and divorced 8 years later. Tried marriage counseling etc, then she didn't want to go anymore and found out she was cheating on me. Her own mother said she was no good, in those words!
    If only we could turn the clock back eh?
    Divorce is one thing, but when there are kids inviolved, makes it much worse. It also makes it much worse when the Ex is a headcase and her "current" spouse is an instigator and says things to my kids about me.
    My oldest child has not returned my calls, notes, cards, gifts in over 3 years now. Havent even seen her. All I can do isd try. My youngest still comes around and I see every other weekend, holidays etc..but now she is being "turned" against me. Yes, kids grow up and have friends, interests etc and eventually become distant. We can only hope as they get older, they get wiser and realize that we love them. I love my children, but just wish my ex, was not their mother. She truly is no good.
    I should have teaken her mothers advice and ran.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 08 March 2012 00:12 posted by Guest

    lost my son: to lost my daughter:

    I feel like part of my story is in with your story. I separated from my ex last year in February 2011. I have two kids. Now a 18 year and a 12 year. My son was 17 then. I was living in the house for a week and then told him he could move in and I will stay with my father so that he could live in a steady place. I found a place 3 months later. During our year separation my son hasn't had much to do with me what so ever. I was torn, hurt, sad, crying, and shocked. My son said this is my home and I 'am not leaving til I turn 18 and graduate. He has only come to see me 4 times in a year since our separation at my house I'm renting. He has a room that has been vacant since I moved in. His father fills him up with crap and then tells me "mom don't you think you can buy Hailey's clothes because dad is paying you this and he doesn't have much money to be spending on our clothes". I had told our son that the money concerns are not his concern that is between your father and I. What ever Sam and I discuss he goes right to the kids and tell them. They don't see me telling them what their father tells me. The kids shouldn't be involved in our matters. Yet he involves them. My daughter has been with me and him 50/50. He is never around to be with her. She is pawned off to her brother, uncle or uncle's girlfriend. Yes, the uncle moved in from being evicted his 4th time from his place. The ex has his son her brother watching her at times bringing her places. When the brother can't do it then he either has his brother or brother's girlfriend shauffer my daughter around. He is never home to be with her. Now he is more so feeding bad info to my kids. So since I pretty much lost my son and that was a hard pill to swallow. I just don't want that to happen with my daughter. I need to watch out for her safety and health. I just don't what you can really do when you have an ex parent alienating your kids against you. Like I said I want to try and stop it with my daughter before it gets to far. Asking for your input.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 07 March 2012 17:20 posted by Guest

    Parental Alienation : This sounds very familiar and it is going on now. My child lies so much to me now I can't believe a single word she says. Even when confronted with cold hard facts, she still maintains the lie. She is a carbon copy of her mother all the way around. I feel like I have lost her.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 01 March 2012 18:57 posted by Guest

    lost my daughter: When my kids wanted to go and live with their dad; I thought it was a good idea; my daughter was a becoming disrespectuf and rebellious towards me, so we were fighting all the time (she was 14); my son was quiet and went along. As the tides changed; my x did not insist on regular visits; blamed me for being mean to my daughter (and it was basic parenting) and then ensured they were not at my family gatherings, rock concerts became more important. I cried alot; but it's 4 years later, and I say she's 18 and can now sow what she has reaped. I love what I remembered my daughter to be as a little girl; I don't know who she is anymore, besides selfish. So I can only let go and let god (yeah, program stuff). She intentionally tried to hurt me in the beginning; then she didn't care anymore because it was all about her. I mean I wouldn't keep a friend who treated me like shit...why do we keep family who does this? So I set her free; and I set me free. Tommorow she's 18 and I will not be there; I will not be there for her grad or when she goes off to college. It is so sad, cause i was a good mom; not a rich mom, but a good mom. I thank God for my son; cause he still comes to see me, and I love him so much. Sometimes, this just is the way life is. It's hard to make something whole...when it comes from brokeness; or when you have an x who is just as selfish. My heart has cried so many tears by letting them move away to another city; i just didn't think it would end up like this... or maybe i did know, i just wanted it to happen to him; and not me. i tell myself that crying is cleansing for the soul...so i am pretty squeaky clean. on a better note; god did send me a wonderful man to love, and i am so blessed.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 15 February 2012 15:05 posted by Guest

    support group in charlotte: We are very interested in your support group. Please give more info...maybe news media on the group would also get awareness out....we are going through this and so many people don't know about this

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 08 February 2012 16:46 posted by Guest

    19 Yr old Daughter suddenly hates me!: My ex wife and I have been divorced for over 15 years. We have 2 children together and they lived with her most of the years. She tried and tried to alienate my children from me and for years, it didn't really stick. The kids would come visit and have "concerns" but then the loving household would win them over. When questioned about why mom did things a certain way, I would just tell them that she and I just did things differently and that she wasn't trying to be mean. All the while, I knew she was working hard to alienate. She had groups from her church surround my children to tell them how bad their dad was and tried telling them details about arguments she and I had while we were married. This did confuse them quite a bit but they didn't really bite. However, the damage became much deeper for my daughter. She and I were extremely close when my ex left the state with her and divorced me. She stuffed her anger and learned to manipulate her mother and myself in very unhealthy ways. Regardless, I continued to consistently express my love for her. She has been difficult from that time though with most people....kind of hardened and unable to express genuine love to her mother or me. When she was 16, she came to live with me and did so through the rest of High School. During that time, she told me many stories about mean things her mother had done to her. I insisted that regardless, she needed to maintain that relationship as it would be important for her in future years. She went through a period of not speaking to her mother at all during her first year of college. During her second year of college, she started talking to her mother more...much of which came after my insistence that she must not alienate her mother. When she got close to her mother again, she suddenly announced that she basically hated me, wanted nothing to do with me and that she was dropping out of college (she was failing) and moving back with her mother. That was 4 months ago and she has only spoken a few very brief words to me since and only then because she had to due to something she needed from me. At the same time, she announced she is pregnant and the father is a complete loser. All these things were things I had warned her against, strongly. I believe her mother has used all of my good intentions against me and the two of them are now manipulating each other to get what they perceive they need from each other. My daughter needs a place to live with little or no responsibilities and my ex-wife needs to have her daughter back in her life at any cost.
    Personally, I have been devastated by this sudden hateful attitude from my daughter and disappointed by her failure in college and pregnancy and a host of other things that all parents try to protect their children from. But in the end, there is nothing I can do. The pain is not nearly so bad now. I continue to express my love for her when I have a chance. Either she will come around or she won't. Regardless of my ex wife's efforts to divide, my daughter is an adult and needs to take responsibility for her own actions. I cannot control how she interprets my ex-wife's misinformation or anything. All I can do is love. I'd like to tell both of them how I really feel, but that would not solve anything. My daughter has to come to grips with her own hateful actions and find her own way through those emotions. I hate to know my daughter is in such a mess with her life, but stepping in to pander to her would only serve to continue the dysfunction. So, regardless of my desire to jump into the drama, I am lovingly sitting on the sidelines.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 07 February 2012 20:37 posted by Guest

    Why just Mothers?: I am in Kannapolis, and am going through the same thing, my ex lives in Augusta Ga. and not only has she alienated my children, she harasses me and refuses to allow the correct visitation, that the court has ordered. I would be interested, if it were for more than just Mothers.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 03 February 2012 12:37 posted by Guest

    This has to stop: My x is a living nightmare!! What he tells my son it's all your mom's fault I never wanted a diviorce, but he had a girlfriend. My son has to tell his dad whats goes on in my house, does mom have a boyfriend? ect.. My son records me for his dad and his dad and new step-mom records me. I had welfare called on me for spanking my son w a belt NEVER happened. Had to go to court for that!! And when I won I had his gf and him texting me to the point I had to change my number the courts made me give it to him and they told the gf not to text me, she kept it up. So I called the police and had a report made on her!! This time I changed my number and I didn't give it to them. My son is 12 he lies, steels and I try to tell his dad and I end up in court. My son tells me nothing about his dad's visit I ask him did u have fun, what did u have for dinner? And he turns ugly w me. He yells,fights with me and his brothers.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 29 January 2012 23:45 posted by Guest

    Support group near Charlotte, NC: Please contact me about your support group for mothers being affected by husbands alienating their children. I am interested in attending. Thank you

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 25 January 2012 16:49 posted by Guest

    Victim of parental alientation: My son and I are going through this right now. It breaks my heart to see my so hurt so bad for the things his ex has taught his 3 and a half year old daughter to say to him. "I don't love you, I don't wanna go with you, you're not my daddy, etc." I feel so bad for anyone having to go through this. Hope the court recognizes and puts a stop to this evil practice!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 24 January 2012 00:20 posted by Guest

    Me too!: OMG...mine too, hunny, we need to talk. I am going through it too...please email me...Penny

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 17 January 2012 10:36 posted by Guest

    Im so sorry you have to go: Im so sorry you have to go through this. I wish I had advice but I'm experiencing the same thing with my two year old son. I have shared custody, my lawyer was not a good one. My son has started coming home, hiding under tables and while he hasn't said I don't love him, he has started saying to me "don't leave me. Don't go away mommy." All I know is to always tell them you love them and will be there for them. Document document document. I wish I had better advice but wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this. Best of luck.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 10 January 2012 11:27 posted by Guest

    In the same situation but just a little different. Hang in there! I do have to say this was good reading. I cried when I heard a name for it! I felt so Wow I'm not going crazy! This is real and something that happens!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 03 January 2012 15:34 posted by Guest

    My ex is doing anything possible to put my kids against me!: I need help. I have my 3 year old boy and my 2 year old daughter. My ex recently took me to court and won over night weekend stays with my kids. But here is my major problem, when the time comes for my ex to pick them up he tries anything to get me upset. He has called the cops twice making things up to get me writen up. I dont know what to do. My kids come home mad, aggrivated, sensitve. i asked them whats wrong, and they say nothing. My lil boy is mainly the one who has started to act up with me. He yells at me, when i tell him "no" he runs under the kitchen table, or under a chair, or just tries to hide to cry. He tells me i dont love him anymore. I dont know whats wrong with him. I want to help my son, i want us to have the same bond we used to have. After some time passes by he then starts warming up to me. But i dont like to see him like that. I need help, can someone give me some advice?


    Thank u.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 02 December 2011 15:10 posted by Guest

    Re: Alienated them: Hi
    I just wanted to say thank you for your story, Im going through pretty much what you are and it's painfull my daughters are 8 and 9 and it hurst when they tell me what a bad mom I am etc........... they have no idea what is really going on, there has been times I would go to the location where we exchange them and he just would not show up and then later the girls would blame me and say that I didn't even care to see them.
    I have been to court and even had a mediator talk to the children and they told the mediator that they are scared of me I have no idea why they would say that I NEVER hurt them.
    I don't know why it is that the courts don't look into these kinds of things further, I keep a journal now.
    My daughter last night told me that all they do at my house is watch t.v and I didn't know what to say because I know it's not true I take them places when they are with me, but my ex husband and his new wife now sit in the room with the children and have me on speaker phone when I talk to the children and it's almost like I don't even recgonize my children over the phone.

    anyway please don't give up there is allot of parents that are going through this and it's painfull but I have to believe that the children someday will see the truth and we can't give up.
    god bless

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 28 November 2011 19:36 posted by Guest

    Ex Played The Age of Decision Card: For half a decade I have watched my husband's ex-wife continue with her compulsive lies, as their daughter grew closer to age 12. Now she is 12, and it was not so long ago that a Protection From Abuse Order was slammed against my husband on behalf of his daughter from his ex! Imagine my dismay seeing words that I would never utter, abuse allegations, allegations of looking at a pre-teen child dress or bathe! It was out of the blue! My husband and I had no idea of what the source was.
    Then, it was court day. His daughter took the stand, as the ex wife sat puffed up and proud on her plaintiff side with the pro bono attorneys surrounding her. The child stated she never wanted to come to our home again, and stated the allegations were all true! My husband nearly passed out. Since then, he has lost a piece of his soul. His daughter lied, obviously with the prompting by the mother. Now, the family we built together, my children and his has been interrupted by tragic lies. We are all in pain. But, she's 12, the age of decision,,,she can decide whether or not she even talks or visits to us. God help us.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 09 November 2011 14:11 posted by Guest

    Similar Stories: I hate to hear so many similar stories. I know the pain, as I am going through this myself. I wish there would be more support groups for this. This happens so often. The offending parent believes that they can get away with this. It can hard to prove, however, they often are unaware that they CAN lose custody over this. Most of the offending parents have a history of anger issues, domestic violence, and manipulative behavior. In many states voicemails are allowed in court, as the caller is aware they are being recorded. So, any threatening voicemails..be sure to keep them. If you can text your child, keep those. Some phones allow you to take pictures of the texts. I have over seventeen pages of text messages from my son telling me how he fears his father. Most teens rather talk by text, which is good. I kept every single one. You could see how he went from wanting to live with me to saying he was being treated bad by his dad, then he completely stopped communication. Caution: Have a code word if possible. Your ex can get the phone and pretend to be your child. Find a lawyer with a history of dealing with domestic violence. Go to counseling, have it documented that this is hurting you and your children. The truth is, it is about control, and money. If you must talk to your ex, email them only. On the phone, they can say anything. My ex would text nice messages, then call me threatening me that I would never see my children again. He did not start withholding the boys from me until I got into a relationship. The boys really liked my fiance. They were saying they wanted to live with us after we married. My 8 yr old told me that "Daddy said you forgot about me", then said "Momma, I know you didn't". My 14 yr old told me that he was told by his dad that I "did not care" about him. He also said that I was unable to care for anyone. That is my job, I am caregiver for the elderly, and have strong references to attest to my character and caregiving abilities. My son said his father was moody, and had a bad temper. I am lucky, my 8 yr old does not believe his dad, and stands up for me. My ex is not married, and sleeps all day from a night job. They just wanted a family atmosphere. Well, two weeks before I was married, I got a call out of the blue from Child Protective Services. There was a report of abuse that supposedly happened at my house from another family member. That was over a month ago. I have not been able to speak or see my children in over a month now. The stress and heartbreak affected my relationship with my fiance, and we broke up. I have been abused by this man for over a decade. Verbal and physical abuse. It is time to take a stand against this. I want to live and be happy, free of abuse and manipulation. It is my right as an American. I refuse to let him manipulate and lie to our children.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 05 November 2011 11:07 posted by Guest

    CANT BEAR NOT SEEING MY KIDS- FATHER ALIENATED THEM : I read all the posts here and I can say one "good" thing, Thank God I am not the only one going through this. I don't know what to do, I feel the court system and the children's law guardian has failed me and that the system is very biased. I was married for 14 years and have 2 kids, 9 and 13 yrs. old. 8 yrs into marriage my husband started sleeping on the couch every night, our sex life was nill. He would tell me to go find someone else, go get a boyfriend, he started to not work as much as I worked 2 sometimes 3 jobs. We started to get in debt and I had to make choices such as shutting the tv off to pay another bill and he would tell our children" Mommy is a failure" The kids knew every bill in the house as he would tell them everything. I had a great relationship with my youngest but my oldest was a little feudal (teenage girl) we did fight. She favored her father. This went on for years and things got worse. Finally it came to a point, where he wouldn't talk about the relationship, wouldn't go for counseling. So I left. My biggest mistake was leaving without the kids is what I am finding out now. My kids were not in jeopardy (at least so I thought at the time), I couldn't disrupt their school/home life in such a time of uncertainty. I was seeing both my children as agreed by their father and myself a fewe nights a week and a day or o on a weekend. My kids were happy, they came willingly, all of a sudden I received a child support petition and a custody peitition in the mail. My husband wanted child support and full custody. All of a sudden my kids stopped wanting to see me. We went to court and I wound up with supervised visitation!!?? What the hell is that? I have never abused or neglected my children He looked like roses and I looked like a criminal all because, from what I was told, I left the house without hte kids and since my kids were old enough and he brainwashed them so much that they were able to make the decision to not see me. My life has been hell since then. Supervised visits went on for a few months and by th eway that was only with my one child as the other did not want to see me. Then that endeed as it was too far for my husband to drive. This man has harrassed me, followed me, had my children in the car with him and yelled eew or slut out th window at me. I am now seeing someone and they have harassed him, I call and they don't call me back, I write and my letters get returned and ripped out, I have no communication with them at all. I even went as far as showing up at their house to get ignored or told I was tresspassing and to leave. I have no idea if they are sick, happy what they are doing, I can't get through a day without crying for hours when I see kids, go to the grocery store and walk down the juice isle, look at pictures. I have been notating and documentating, taking pictures, etc of everything this man has been doing to me but yet in everyon'e eyes he seems to be the saint. Now my children do not want to even talk to or see their grandparents on my side. I have not seen my kids in over 5 months and grandparents on my side is has been 2 months. I have no contact at all. We are suppose to go to trial and I feel helpless as it always winds up being that I feel I am never heard and no one seems to take a look at the whole picture and everything this man has done. My kids hate me, have sent me hate letters. How do you repais a relationship with your kids if the father is always trying to prevent any relationship from happening and if you cant see them, what is this man telling them " that their mom doesn't want them"? This is the thought the wakes me up in the middle of night as I love my kids, I want to see my kids, I pay my child support and I want a relationship with my kids. I am not this horrible person he is drilling into their heads., I literally ran into them one day in a local store and they all turned around and said loudly "EEEEW there she is"? what type of father allows their children to do that, where is the respect? How is he a good father in everyone's eye's, why does the court not see this? I feel like I want to run into court one day and shout at the top of my lungs, what is wrong with you people???? I can't be happy, I am miserable most of the time. How do you go on every day kknowing you have children that you cant see, touch, hold, love, talk to ? I hate to wake up somedays. I do talk to a psychologist but no one really understands this. I have been told to just go on with your life as you don't have kids because apparently your kids have moved on and they are happy, why are you allowing yourself to be miserable. HOW CAN YOU NOT???? How do you go on living? I have become very accustomed to living my life in denial, just to get through a day anymore. I can't bear the thought of the holidays coming and not being able to talk or see my kids. No one knows this pain and there is no solid answers and I feel like I am living in pergatory every day. Parental alienation has been discussed but it seems to be looked away from. Why doesn't anyone take this serious and better yet, why doesn't anyone force this issue? I need something to hang on to. This is one time when I can honestly say, I know what you all are feeling as I am feeling the loss, the void, the unbearable pain as well.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 24 October 2011 16:42 posted by Guest

    Children turning against you!: Get an attorney now. Parental Alienation Syndrome is happening. Stop the abuse now.
    My boys are 17 and 14 now. The last 5 yrs I have been going through so many sorrows please look at the symptoms. Do your children act this way towards you. It is not normal unless you are an abuser yourself. I tell you normal children love their parents. They do not hate parents who love and care for them. I can tell you something good is going to come out of my situation and maybe telling you will help you to know that you are not alone. The alienating parent is threatened by you. Stop them now help your children they are brainwashed.


  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 24 October 2011 16:36 posted by Guest

    I am a non- custodial parent: I have been the non-custodial parent for almost 5 yrs now. I can tell you it hurts and it has been an emotional roller coaster. I felt like a failure as a parent and that my children really didn't love or want to be with me anymore. Then I discovered alienation syndrome. What a relief to know that my Ex is such a sad person to hurt our children. He has caused mental issues that will affect them the rest of their lives.. It is not my fault and I know that now. Anyone that gets to read this and is in the same situation. Do not blame yourself the children will come back to you and the other damaging parent will one day realize what harm they caused. My sister recently experienced her children coming back after their father lied to them for 18yrs. I can tell you it was complete joy knowing they love their mother and see there father for the liar he really was all along. So to all of us non-custodial parents hats off cause day of reckoning will happen. Until then be strong and hold on to a belief that karma lives. God Bless us all.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 13 October 2011 13:11 posted by Guest

    Support Group in Charlotte NC: We are starting a support group in or near Charlotte NC. With so many people suffering with this, I am surprised there are not more support groups. Is there anyone out the in the area? My X has brainwashed and alienated my teenage daughters - I have only seen them for a few house over the past 6 months.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 05 October 2011 06:51 posted by Guest

    Steps against Parental Alienation: Generally and overall these tipps given above are not bad...but.............!!!
    1. What if you live in a different country and you were at the MERCY and GRACE of the ALIENATING parent?
    2. What if you, did everything you can do, but your child refuses to talk with you...
    3. Should I now commit suicide?
    4. My child is now a grown-up, planning on getting married, what am I to do 8000 miles away??
    5. My Ex sits in a glashouse and is throwing with rocks, he is in his third marriage now, to terrible women has tax warrants on his butt and so on...my father-in-law who was always supportive of me, is now to old and fragile to continue fighting his son, my mother-in-law is deceased since a long time
    6. I always told my child throughout the years, despite her nasty ways of confronting me that I love her, but now she won't even give me a chance to talk
    7. Any suggestions, anyone perhaps in the USA living in Wisconsin able to help me establish contact??
    8. Likewise if anyone of you, the other affected parents has an alienating parent living in Germany I am willing to help...


    PLEASE write TO ME and HELP me....

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 09 September 2011 07:23 posted by Guest

    I cannot believe how common: I cannot believe how common this kind of thing is. My ex turned my son against me. I broke up with him after being together for years. We have one son who is nearly 15 now. He was 13 when this began. He bad mouthed me to my son for a year and a half while we had to live in the same house. I was afraid to leave in case i lost my son forever. I eventually had to move out for a while for my own and my son's mental health. The emotional abuse and sometimes physical made me want to end my life. I am a good Mother and never thought i would see the day were i would have to leave my child. It's only when you've experienced this type of abuse and how another parent manages to use your child in order to have that control over you, you begin to realise how powerful that abuser is. I was advised to move back in a few months later if i didn't want to lose my son forever as there was no way he was going to leave with me. So I did much to the anger of my ex's family. I have been pushed around by my ex's Father, gotten abuse off him and my ex's sister, they've damaged my car a few times. And what for??? When all I did was break up!!! It's not a crime!! The thing that made this more difficult for me was that my ex had been vistiting my Mother and family almost daily and lying about me for months. He had used his Mother's death for sympathy. My family sided with him and even sat over tea bad mouthing me to my ex. I had noone to help me. He had manipulated everyone. I see my family now and some of them have even apologised for everything but I will never forgive them for what they did to me. If my son had agreed to move far away with me, i would have and would never have looked back at my family who betrayed me so badly. With the help of my Mother's family, I got some professional help and a safety order against my ex from court. He moved out, disgusted that I had begun to gain back the control of my life. He keeps threatening to come home every so often and everytime my son visits him (5 minute walk away) he (my son) comes home angry with me after having to listen to his Father and his Grandfather bad mouth me and his Father acting like a poor lost soul left out in the cold by me. I just can't believe how someone can do this to a child and get away with it. My son has suffered enough. I would love to keep him away from his Father and that family but obviously I can't as my son has the right to a relationship with his father. His family just want me to leave the home and let him live here. I can't because I will lose my son. And in the beginning if my ex had compromised, I wanted to move out and sort something with my son but the fact that my ex turned my son against me and wouldn't compromise, I had to move back. It was all my ex's doing but he's convinced people that I broke up and wanted him out of the house. I just want my son to be happy. It's awful to think how one parent can destroy a child's life to get to another parent. I appreciate any advice. I very grateful fot this website. Thanks.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 05 August 2011 20:20 posted by Guest

    My soon to be ex wife is mentally ill: When I tell her she needs help she becomes so venomous that its scary. When I asked her parents for her hand in marriage 23 years ago they both said horrible things about her and that I shouldn't marry her. I though they just didn't like me and they wanted me to go away from their daughter. My Father in law said that "My daughter is decietful and she will do or say anything to get her way. She cant be trusted. Don't marry her." Her mother said " Don't marry her. Someday she will make you a very unhappy man". Well 20 years and 2 kids Boy 12 and Girl 7, later they were right. The only sex we've had in the past 15 years was to concieve the kids. All she talks about is divorce and how she wants me out. My "best Friend" follows her everywhere she goes yet they deny there is anythig going on. I can't afford a divorce. And any time the subject comes up she changes the whole story. One day it will be She wants me out and we'll sell the house. The next day she'll deny saying it. When I tell her she needs help she goes into a tirade. If I had the money I would hire a top notch lawyer to get the divorce and custody of the kids. Even though she has them brainwashed that I'm the bad guy. My life sucks. I should have listened to her parents. Never being married would have been better than the mess this turned into.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 02 August 2011 02:03 posted by Guest

    Wife turned son against me over 15 years: I had a horrible divorce, there where no assets to sell due to housing crisis, it went down in value. we did not share the marital bed for the last year of being together. When I left there was no attempt to reconcile, it was just is that it , have you gone ?
    She then refused my access to our son until a satisfactory maintenance payment was agreed, one which I could not afford but had no choice to pay. My ex father in law sold us the house at a reduced price and therefore kept a second charge on it, one I could not pay. She then proceeded to deny access, not allowing my son in the house when I found a new partner, all the usual. She accused my new partner of sleeping with lawyers son (who was out of the country and did not even know my new partner). If my son came to me he came with horrible clothes yet had Nikes and levis etc when he was at home. If he spoke to me she made it difficult and the experience became associated with problems. In short my son’s life was made hell if he contacted me. He is now coming up to 18 years old and is estranged from me. I lost 3 businesses and could not pay the maintenance for a number of years. I left and moved to Spain and finally have a business for the first time in 15 years that works. I went to meet her after not seeing her for several years to offer to help and ask to speak to our son only to be re-buffed. She let me speak to him but his words where not his and he just said he didn’t want anything to do with me and his reasons did not add up, again her words coming through. I was set up and what more despite the fact she has a (financial) court order against me (to keep me away) it was never really about the money it was the rejection she no doubt felt and despised me for (her parents have money) so she set about, with her mother, in erasing me from our sons life and memory. What does a Father who still loves his son and has tried by letter, phone call (all no's are ex directory and they change mobiles),e mail, facebook do to see his son who is now an adult (almost) legally although is mentally immature due to the way he has been protected from all of this.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 02 August 2011 02:01 posted by Guest

    my ex wife planned to alienate me, over 15 years from my son: I had a horrible divorce, there where no assets to sell due to housing crisis, it went down in value. we did not share the marital bed for the last year of being together. When I left there was no attempt to reconcile, it was just is that it , have you gone ?
    She then refused my access to our son until a satisfactory maintenance payment was agreed, one which I could not afford but had no choice to pay. My ex father in law sold us the house at a reduced price and therefore kept a second charge on it, one I could not pay. She then proceeded to deny access, not allowing my son in the house when I found a new partner, all the usual. She accused my new partner of sleeping with lawyers son (who was out of the country and did not even know my new partner). If my son came to me he came with horrible clothes yet had Nikes and levis etc when he was at home. If he spoke to me she made it difficult and the experience became associated with problems. In short my son’s life was made hell if he contacted me. He is now coming up to 18 years old and is estranged from me. I lost 3 businesses and could not pay the maintenance for a number of years. I left and moved to Spain and finally have a business for the first time in 15 years that works. I went to meet her after not seeing her for several years to offer to help and ask to speak to our son only to be re-buffed. She let me speak to him but his words where not his and he just said he didn’t want anything to do with me and his reasons did not add up, again her words coming through. I was set up and what more despite the fact she has a (financial) court order against me (to keep me away) it was never really about the money it was the rejection she no doubt felt and despised me for (her parents have money) so she set about, with her mother, in erasing me from our sons life and memory. What does a Father who still loves his son and has tried by letter, phone call (all no's are ex directory and they change mobiles),e mail, facebook do to see his son who is now an adult (almost) legally although is mentally immature due to the way he has been protected from all of this.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 20 June 2011 07:10 posted by Guest

    The other side of the your story: as much as I feel your daughters pain, I gotta call your BS. Why didnt you be a part of your daughters life? I read your 'blame' here that it is your ex's 'fault' ......but I hear this from my grandsons father all the time and know it to be untrue-- He always is claiming "I couldnt see my son because his mother ......" when the fact is, he just has moved on with a new family and new kids and cant cope with his past. He literally denies his son time as he "is doing things with (the siblings) right now".

    HOW did it happen that your daughter is in high school and you dont know her better? Blaming the ex only works till they are teens and the damage is already done by then with the child having no one to turn to or trust so they wind up in these dangerous acting out situations. If its been 5 years since you saw her, ask yourself why WITHOUT the blame game? jus sayin...

    And why do men only take interest if they can get custody? Look the anguish of a 'break up" or betrayal may hurt for a while, but the kids did not do it and do not deserve to take the pain for either parent with this type of story. I am sad for all the kids who's parents are too ignorant to put the kids first. just wondering how to help all these kids who are no longer kids, but mixed up confused adults who wind up in dangerous illegal situations with no one to care or trust. ! It may be very tru in your situation that the mom is totally screwed up, but that was YOUR job as the bio dad to make sure she knew she could trust YOU. No offense intended and not "blaming". Just a fact. With SO MUCH info out there, how are we all repeating the mistakes of the past?


    Grandma

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 20 June 2011 06:55 posted by Guest

    Grandsons Alienation Need Input: I came to this site looking for ways to help convince my Grandson's father that alienating his son is hurting his son more than it is hurting my daughter.........but I am seeing the other side of it here. But since you seem to appear to be experiencing the other side of the situation perhaps you can help this one.

    In this situation, my daughter (the custodial parent) has consistently tried to keep father and son connected and her son emotionally stable since she herself was a child of a broken home and knows the therapy it takes as an adult to 'fix' the damage we parents do (intentionally or naively doesnt matter) . But as my grandson (I will call him JD for john doe here) grows up, he is forming his own opinion and emotions about his Dad and its so sad to watch. The trust and bonding is changing. My daughter has tried to communicate this to the father but the more she tries, the more he withdraws hisself from his sons life because he knows it will crush her . My daughter knows the pain (and joy) of being in a blended family and knows the adult psycological aftermath so she encourages "JD" to call and shares funny stories of his dad from happier times so he knows he was conceived of Love, not the hate he feels now, but again, JD is 8 now and the more his dad alienates him, the less he reacts to the positve input. The dad has 3 new children (2 bio with 2 diff women and one he is aopted now) and will literally tell his son he cant skype as he is busy with the other two. My grandsons body language says it all. It is a two state living arrangement (texas and florida) so that makes it even harder as Dad can visit every month but chooses not to.

    Since you all have been on exactly the opposite side of that.. can anyone tell me HOW to stop the madness? My grandsons dad declares he wants more time with his son and keeps my daughter in court all the time for it, but once its over, he just doesnt follow up. My grandson is 8 now and Dad has only attended one birthday. Never met any of his teachers. Attended one or two of his Sports exhibitions however grudgingly, and refuses to let his son be a true part of BOTH families or keep in touch with his son while he is here in Florida. That creates so much alienation that by the time my grandson leaves for Texas for his parenting visiits, he is going to a stranger and scared again. My grandson likes his new stepmom and step brother, half sister and half brother but his dad won't keep the kids connected unless he is with them. Its really hurting my grandsons confidence and trust. ANY IDEAS how to help make this stop? Articles ? There is an open invitation to ANY special events here but when she asks to be told when / what her son will be doing in Texas, is told : "We will let you know if there is anything you should attend"... I feel so helpless as a Grandmother. ANY IDEAS out there? thanks.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 30 May 2011 00:14 posted by Guest

    I really feel your pain I: I really feel your pain I have gone through this for 12 years the manipulation and the lying me and trapping and then for five years I didn't see my daughter all. And then now I only see my daughter one day a week since 2006 but this Christmas I got her for two weeks because she shoplifted a Wal-Mart with her homeless friend that goes to her high school because the mother said I'll place you in your dad's home but now my daughter makes excuses not to see me which I feel this is alienation of the mother which she has done all these years. At one time she said I'd moved away when my daughter was little and could not check. My ex is a rat hole and should not be a good use of skin. Anyway you get the picture my poor daughter is taking the brunt of it plus she has been knifed at by the stepsister, molested and raped in the mother's care saw him filing a custody battle and I will win unless the state of Washington is totally screwed up.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 29 May 2011 18:53 posted by Guest

    My Ex Turned My Kids against me: I am a 47 year old Dad who from has a 16 1/2 year old son and a 14 year old daughter. Me and there mother divorced about 12 years ago. Since that divorce off and on she wanted my son to leave with me because of the problems he gave her. Even though I personally don't like my kids mother because of her being a lying, deceitful, selfish person that she is, I've always supported her when it came to the kids. I must say I love my kids very much. Growing up I saw how my dad was always there for us and tried to teach and give us a good life, so I naturally took after him. Well the first time my ex gave my son to me he was six years of age. I thought he was to young to be seperated from his sister so I talked his mother into taking him back within two months, especially since at the time she lived of North and I leaved in Atlanta. The next time she gave him to me he was the summer after he left 3rd grade. At that time she resided in Georgia also. I took him in and taught him the basic again(respect for Adults, independents and respect for his self). During the beginning of 7th grade she I gave him back, because between his sister himself and his mother constantly begging and harassing me I let him go back. I told him that she would regret it because if she thought she had a hard time and could not control him at a younger age, just wait until he becomes a teenager. Well it happen again. I received harassing phone calls and text messages about her putting him on my door step soon. I asked her to at least wait until school was out. So I kept him his eleven grade year. I planned for him to go to college and was teaching him to make choices and leave with the decisions he made. You know , just trying to prepare him for the world. Well right before he started the 11th grade him and his mom had decided everything was back okay between them. Well by then I had move and was now paying two hundred dollars more to lease a house and utilities had increased. I tried to make everything confortable for him. Well from day 1 his mother was in his ear. They were plotting the whole year for him to some kind of way go back to her. He had a very bad attitude for a year. He refused to interact with me my live in girlfriend and her two young boys. He told me that he purposely tried not to interact and that he interact with his mother and her new husband and stepson when he visited their house. Well it got to the point a couple of times when he would challenge me in altercations but of course I stayed in father mode, trying to just wrap my arms around him to keep him from swinging blows. I feel that his mother instructed him to produce his bad behavior. To make an even longer story short, right before school ended , his mother was begging me to let him go back, but I refused. I reminded her that she said she couldn't do nothing anymore for him and had know plans for him in her on words. She said she would take me to court. I said that was fine. She then kept asking want I just give him back. Well the weekend before school let out I took both him and my daughter to the mall because they wanted some summer clothes. I couldn't figure out why they had attitudes after I purchased them these items. By the evening it turned ugly. My son again challenge me by trying to walk over me when I took his phone and asked him to go to his room and both he and my daughter I felt attacked me. I stayed in father mode to keep them from getting hurt. I did go to the police station to get it documented. Well the next week his mother called a social worker to the school and I met with her at my home and she found know marks or signs of abuse like his mother claimed. The day before that she called the police to my house, which they saw know sighs of abuse and which she claimed I owned 2 guns in the house and they apologized to me. She was so desperate to get him before June which I felt so she could claim because she was trying to purchase a house and wanted to claim him on her taxes at the end of the year. She did a desperate move and took him from my house the last day of school when he got out early. I feel very hurt about this ordeal. It's very depressing and make you angry and sad at the same time. I since blocked them from calling my phone. I didn't want to deal with being what I feel betrayed by my kids. I expected it from the more, because that is her MO, but not my kids.

  • Comment Link Rebecca Dubreuil Saturday, 19 March 2011 13:41 posted by Rebecca Dubreuil

    did i post this correctly: also i read the suggestions i am doing just that i am letting him know i understand he is upset but also i love him so much n it will never change... also i was not giving up on our relationship. i would continue to call n write n be there for him. i will be getting this evidence of adccusations.. i was told his father worked at a certain age when we lived together i will n its all there thank you reading all the suggestions n posts n replys gives me hope... i know the son i love is there .... inside of all the hurt n fathers n inlaws influences......



    from a greatful mother for this site,
    Rebecca Dubreuil

  • Comment Link Rebecca Dubreuil Saturday, 19 March 2011 13:37 posted by Rebecca Dubreuil

    I can relate and need advice <3: Wow I knew that many were going through parental or child custody issues but this describes my situation to a "T" i will just briefly describe it but i will not have to do much since it is written up there...

    I raised my son as a single mom with 2 boyfriends through out my sons life. he was born December 27,1997. i was just turned 17 and yes as a teen mom i was still in high school not to make it a statistic teen mom story it is about the custody. we then broke up me and his father when he was about 2. I have been dealing with mental disorders since i was 14. i have been diagnosed 4 times bipolar to this date. i am 30 now. well i had never talked bad or denied my son child 1 we will say to his father. dad1 we will say. He was in and out of my sons life there was one year when i was bringing him to his father on saturdays and that was it over nights but it was verbal no court orders i never gave him a hard time even when he wasnt consistant with visits and child support i knew it was more important for him to have occasional visits.. i just loved my son so much it didnt matter how i felt and especially how i felt about his father.. if only it was the same for him but this is my delema...

    I resectly needed help i had a hardships and became homeless he had become involved again due to a new relationship he is in a new relationship with a woman 15 years his senior maybe even 20 i am not sure.. well he got custody by lying and more lying and lying he has turned my relationship i had with my son and my families into lies lies lies as he said i never involved my son in my turmoils since i felt he did not need to at his young age any parent would feel this way. but also he says i kept him from his father never had i done this.. i can pick this aprt but this is rediculous i spent a hour on the phone with my son in how he just is so mad about being lied to but i never lied to him i just felt at 3 or 5 he need not know i was going through a depression or manic episodes.. :9 he forgets all the nights of book reading days and nights at the beach and rides at night just the 2 of us... the dinners and picnics.. the songs we sang every night all ths pictures we have together of love and our family outings.... He only sees and hears my flaws and mistakes yet everything his father has done or did was in perfection. We borke up since he was into drugs and not working but he was told when he was a baby he was working for his job.. not true i was with him he was not working yet. he started working when he was 21 or so maybe 20 and he was 3-4 .. any ways everything that was said is whati am going through .. i am so frustarted i am going through a group to help i have to pay $100 up front and then payment plans but i have no other support in what else to do. He my child 1 says he doesnt need me or my family... it was never a your family my family :( i am so sad mad and frustrated. and i know me being in my sons life is just as important as his families all his families. both his mothers and fathers. even throguh all this i want his father to be in his life but also myself.. isnt that sick i cannot be angry with hi and not want him in my sons life because he loves him... how can i take him frm him how can another keep him from his mother and all the love we have .... ugh am i crazy or what :(

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 18 March 2011 05:10 posted by Guest

    Adult son has been manipulated by my long ago ex: I've raised my son, alone, for 30 years - I don't claim to be a perfect mum but I was always there for him, was always on his side and loved him. Having only had the most sporadic of contact with his son, my ex of 30 years has now been in my son's life for the past two and my son can barely talk to me, seeing his father as the victim. I feel utterly betrayed. He can happily forgive his father all the wrongs he comitted but I get no forgiveness. I've begged and pleaded for us to sort things out but have been told he will never discuss things to do with his 'father'. So I don't even get to defend myself - the trial has taken place without me being there, and I've been judged, hung, drawn and quartered.

    I'll never get over this. It's destroyed me.

    Thanks Dan.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 18 February 2011 23:38 posted by Guest

    alienation: i'm going through the exact same scenario w my sons soon to be x wife. She constantly tells our 3yr old grand daughter untrue and bad things about my son to her. Can the law be involved? She is doing this out of spite and it is killing me inside because my grand daughter is so sweet and loves everyone so much. But when i watch my grand daughter sometimes she'll say, ' mommy said daddy is mean and is a bad daddy". I'ts just heartbreaking.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 13 December 2010 11:23 posted by Guest

    My ex has turned my 16 yr.: My ex has turned my 16 yr. old daughter against me and is working on our 10 yr. old som. He was abusive, controlling, and manipulative to me for 22 years. I finally got out with the help of family and friends. However, he has now told my children that I abandoned them...along with other terrible things. We shared custody of them and he absolutely hated that so he told them they didn't have to come if they didn't want to. He started planning family get togethers, pool parties, road trips, etc for the specific weekends that I was supposed to have the kids to make them not want to come with me. He put more chores on my daughter and blamed me for leaving that she had to do them. When I began dating again he blamed my new partner for the break up so they would dislike him....It has been a complete nightmare and now my son is slipping away and showing more and more signs of anger and controlling behavior just like his father....I am at a complete loss as to what to do. I've done everything books and the court and my lawyer have said to do, but it's just getting worse. I'm afraid I will have to wait until they grow up to have any decent type of relationship with them again.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 17 November 2010 17:14 posted by Guest

    I am a non-custodial mother: I am a non-custodial mother going through the same thing with my 15 year old son. All of a sudden he advised me to not call him, e-mail him and he refuses to visit me any longer. This has been going on since July. Needless to say I think about him all the time and have been fighting a severe depression due to this, My ex-husband hates me and I know he is behind this by "downing" me and calling me a loser in front of my son. The only advice I have is to hang in there, be with supportive friends and hopefully our children will come to know the truth someday, sooner rather than later. Be strong...life goes on no matter what and even though the holidays are coming up and it is a rough time, you can make it through them knowing that you still love your children with all your heart. Maybe try sending them a Christmas card of Hannakah card letting them know you love them with all your heart and will always be there for them no matter what. Good luck to you. I feel you pain.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 20 May 2010 09:24 posted by Guest

    ex husband and wife turned my sons against me: I have a problem with my ex and his wife. He has turned my two sons (27 & 20) against me and tried to work on my daughter. I have not seen my sons in 3 years , I call and email them to tell them I love them and would like to see them. I have had no response except from the ex telling me they will never speak to me again. Not a day goes by that I do not think of them and wish I could see them. The ex has not stopped at the kids he also has contacted my friends old and new trying to turn them against me also. It appears my house has be bugged and I can not find it even with counter measures. He knows all conversations that go on in my house word for word I set up cameras to the dvr only to find after a week the dvr will record not play it back. A disc error. I can move but the problem will just follow me, I need the problem to end. I had to get a restaining order because he follows me from my work to home just to try and scare me. God only knows what he tells my sons. How and what do I do? I am lost and feel like I will never see them again I have already lost 3 years and we were really close.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 08 May 2010 22:48 posted by Guest

    3 year old - victum of parental alienation: My son has a 3 year old daughter.......his ex is constantly emailing him saying horrible things about him. Tonight his daughter said "Daddy you are disgusting". I know she was parrotting what she's heard her mother say. But it broke my heart for her and for my son. What can we do? How can this mother do this to her own daughter? Has anyone been through this?

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 11 February 2010 03:05 posted by Guest

    I feel so sad that what I am: I feel so sad that what I am going through so many others are having the same battles. My ex manipulated my thirteen year old daughter so much that she doesn't even want to speak to me anymore. My son called me a S**t one day and told me thats what other people think of me. I found a new partner after a year and now that I have moved in with him my ex gave my son an ultimatum that he either lived with him or me because he wasnt going to put up with my sons carrying on, he is an eleven year old boy. Why does he feel the need to make me miserable by turning my children against me. Revenge gets you nowhere.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 30 October 2009 20:49 posted by Guest

    5 signs ex is turning kids against you : this is exactly what i am going thtough with 2 teenagers 13 and 14. It is very hard and i feel like im under a microscope and my life is not my own. The 2 people who should love me the most dispise me and it makes me feel like crap and i dont know how to fight it. I need help!!!!