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From The Experts

We've gathered knowledgeable, dedicated divorce experts from a variety of fields to lend their advice and perspectives. Our experts include lawyers, healthcare professionals, certified professionals, and everyday women with insight into the topics that will help you stay empowered.

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Divorce is a complicated process emotionally, legally, and financially. Thoughtful planning and patience, however, can make your decision to divorce — and the process itself — smoother.

Planning should begin from the moment you have a single notion about getting a divorce. Trust your instincts that divorce may be in the cards and begin to plan logically while you still can. Take note, for example, that much of the business of private investigators comes from spouses engaged in pre-divorce planning. Savvy divorce lawyers tell prospective clients to find out as much as possible — as early as possible — before the papers are even served. Divorce lawyers Steven Fuchs and Sharon Sooho advise women to "win" the divorce battle with the ancient Chinese tactics of strategic planning, stealth, and deception.

So put an end to your natural inclination to be a "good girl" who only wants "what is rightly mine, fair and reasonable" — because you may be in for a big surprise. Men are used to planning, and preparing for battle is the key to winning. Don't lose your divorce because you enter unprepared. Plan for your divorce and learn what is needed to get the best possible divorce outcome.

Here are five critical financial actions you should take before you even think about divorce:

1. Make copies of all financial records and statements; compile your list of assets and debts. Know where your money is and what you owe. Make a list of all institution names, account numbers, title on accounts, balances, credit lines, interest rates, type of investments, etc. Knowing exactly what is at stake financially will alleviate surprise, hasten discovery, and avoid delays later on. Find a safe place to store everything confidentially.

2. Obtain a credit report on yourself and your spouse. Do you have access to credit in your name alone? If not, establish credit in your name alone. Open your own credit card and a bank account. Determine what financial resources you have access to in order to budget for divorce.

3. If you know that divorce is in your future, you should do all you can to decrease liabilities, such as paying down joint debts, the mortgage, and home equity line of credit. Not only do you relieve your marital stress with reduced debt in the short term, but you increase your access to available credit in the future should you need it during the divorce.

4. Make sure you have enough money set aside for at least three months of daily expenses (especially for house payments if your spouse leaves you), and/or for hiring an attorney. Know what it takes to live on, how much is available to you, and how you might have to adjust your lifestyle to make sure you survive financially.

5. Talk to a divorce financial planner who can educate you about the basics of money; explain the concepts of child support, maintenance, and property division in divorce; help you advocate for your needs with your lawyer; and help prepare tactical strategies for litigation, mediation, or settlement. Most importantly, a divorce financial planner can help you plan for financial independence and peace of mind.

Set up a starting position to create a favorable settlement. Build your skills in the financial arena and negotiate from a position of empowerment. Ensure your financial success with a divorce financial planning expert on your team and pave the way for your transition with confidence and knowledge.


Related content:

How Much Is This Divorce Going To Cost Me?, by certified divorce financial planner, Lili Vasileff

Don't Get Even, Get Smart — a video interview with financial expert, Maryann Kelly, explaining the importantce of keeping your cool, understanding your assets, and keys to a smart negotiation.

Click the following to return to the directory for Your Finances and Divorce.

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  • Comment Link Gwen parker Sunday, 04 February 2018 10:53 posted by Gwen parker

    Hi I'm looking at a divorce in my near future. How can I manage to get my hands on any finances. My husband of four yrs has had my bank card shut off w/o my knowledge .he made me think I was doing something wrong w card and couldn't access accnt. Then he switched banks w/o letting me know.and when I did use my card he accused me of stealing his money.. somethings very wrong here. Wat do I do now?

  • Comment Link Fralena Saturday, 23 December 2017 18:11 posted by Fralena

    I don't have access to any financial documents but I know the mortgage is maxed out and he has spent all our savings. He has a girlfriend who he supports who gambles and takes drugs. I have saved quite a lot but if we get divorced will I have to give him half of my money. I would like to take over our property but he says it's his as we are married in community of property

  • Comment Link carmel kavanagh Friday, 27 January 2017 18:42 posted by carmel kavanagh

    I am trying to get out of a very controlling marriage I am originally from England I have been married for 11 years I have a green card, I worked with my husband for 11 years he never paid me a salary I would always have to ask for money etc I never had a bank account or I never had access to his! I don't have good credit because I never had any credit, the only thing my name is on is business taxes!! But now I'm concerned because
    I left him and got my own job and bank account and have had the highest amount of taxes taken out hoping to get a rebate but I have just learned that he is behind in his taxes by 2 years!!! does that mean the Irs can take my rebate?????

  • Comment Link carmel kavanagh Friday, 27 January 2017 18:39 posted by carmel kavanagh

    I am trying to get out of a very controlling marriage I am originally from England I have been married for 11 years I have a green card, I worked with my husband for 11 years he never paid me a salary I would always have to ask for money etc I never had a bank account or I never had access to his! I don't have good credit because I never had any credit, the only thing my name is on is business taxes!! But now I'm concerned because
    I left him and got my own job and bank account and have had the highest amount of taxes taken out hoping to get a rebate but I have just learned that he is behind in his taxes by 2 years!!! does that mean the Irs can take my rebate?????

  • Comment Link Lindsey Saturday, 08 October 2016 22:56 posted by Lindsey

    My husband wants a divorce, I came into $150,000 from a wrongful death lawsuit from my mom passing... I bought a house. Is he entitled to all of it??? I live in NY. please help.

  • Comment Link Vanessa Jackson Wednesday, 21 September 2016 04:51 posted by Vanessa Jackson

    I am 57 years old I have a mental disability and my husband has left me and a very cruel way I was illegally evicted from my apartment with his help shares were not sure if they were dressed up like Sheriff's I have abnormal blood I've been abused by Independent Living one police officer illegal immigrant landlord who was a slumlord and my husband who has recently went through a $25,000 life insurance policy to a $300,000 life insurance policy on me I'm afraid I'm homeless in the street I've been sexy assaulted several times I've been robbed several times my identity has been stolen I don't know what to do

  • Comment Link Ruth Monday, 12 September 2016 05:10 posted by Ruth

    My husband and I have now been married for over 30 years. he is very cruel. We still have 2 children at home. One is 17 and the other 9 yrs. old. I have been home scholing my 17 for about 10 years now, ( he is a slow learner) I now am home schooling my 9 year old. My husband is a tractor Truck driver and is out of the house of weeks at a time. When he comes home he is demanding, drinks, and mis treats me and the children. he has no consept of what a father or husband is. Because of his hostility I have not wanted to have sex with him. he wants me to be his whore not his wife. he now has decided that I have no right to his money and says that I am stealing his money. He checks every penny used on the checking account. I have been for a stay at home mom for the the last 15 years. I take care of everything in the home since he is away all the time. I do not know what to do as things are getting worst day by day. Can you give me any advised concerning my rights? I am desperate. I live in the state of virginia.

  • Comment Link Kim Thursday, 19 May 2016 09:39 posted by Kim

    For the last two years I've been struggling the joint accounts my husband and I have because I look everything over and there's a lot of money coming o
    It of our accounts and when I ask my husband who lives three hours away about it he says he isn't. So I get concerned and go to the bank. But it is him taking money out. He denies it even with proof. He won't direct deposit either his pay checks and I'm guessing that's because I only see part of what he really makes. Tax time comes around and he sneaks off to do taxes without me. Yet when the IRS hits us for more money on back taxes my name is on it too and I'm not working. I have no idea what he does tax wise. I hear there's a form to submit called something innocent spouse ........ And I'm not then expected to pay my half of his trying to cheat the government. I got my credit report and noticed that my name is on bank loans he defaulted on. I sign for these loans. What do I do about that? My husband has me so poor right now it's made me sick. All the work on this house we bought in Sept 2014 I'm having to do myself I can't afford outside professional help. The other thing. This is our second home I'm living in and from the very first day I moved in my husband has been screaming daily about how broke we are. So he moved out of our other house and renters make our mortgage for us. He moved here with me but the commute was long so he lives 30 minutes from his work and slowly not coming out too much which is fine. He pays he says 500 a month to live at our friend Stacey's condo with her. I honestly don't think there's any romance going on there. She just lost her husband so it's nice my husband is there and he helps her with a lot of stuff but she's pretty independent and not at all his type. But who knows. I've been duped before. My question is banks don't give loans on second houses unless you got proof of making both payments correct? This sudden acting so broke is all an act I take it. Your thoughts id appreciate very much.

  • Comment Link Judy richards Saturday, 16 April 2016 00:50 posted by Judy richards

    I been married 3 yrs thus past nov.. out of the blue he divorced me. I don't work can't from health problems he is 11 yrs older I'm 56 . We bought alot after we were married but it was put in his name. This was the man I was going to live my whole life with. .he's good but not bcuz it's from love he acted like it the 1st yr. We never went out with friends except played cards w I think 5 or 6 others. But that stopped he started going to work around 5 coming j one 8 or 9 his a true driver. I'm alone he lives next door pays my bills offer me $5000 and pay my ins on my car and health. I need advice he's loaded and lied about selling everything.

  • Comment Link Vijitha Friday, 11 December 2015 17:05 posted by Vijitha

    My husband and I been married for 20 years. He have not financially support me for last 10 years. We have a small house his name in title not on the loan. We have a daughter, he never pay anything for her. He left us and went to China for about 1 year for work but didn't give me a penny to me or for his daughter. Now he's living in the house don't pay for anything but he wants to sell the house so he could get half. I work so hard to pay for everything and keep the family together, he did is sit around in the house all day didn't work didn't not take care of the house, now he wants to half of everything. I don't know what to do please help.

  • Comment Link Carolgibson Thursday, 03 December 2015 11:07 posted by Carolgibson

    My ex of thirty five years won't believe me that I saw a lawyer and she weighed everything up and said it was 55 45 he keep his 2000000 super and I keep the house I dont want to engage her I could loose all my savings to the layer he wants to seethe with out lawyers he's making me pay back 80 thousand and he keeps his super I have no super only9 thousand is he ripping me off or should I pay him I on a very low income his is very high

  • Comment Link Dinesh Arora Tuesday, 25 August 2015 12:00 posted by Dinesh Arora

    Dear sir,
    I put divorce petition 2 months back in Mumbai. I got married on 2nd Feb2013, my wife physically stayed with me only for 11 months out of 2.5 yrs of marriage
    During her stay with me she do lots of cheating with me along with her father. she initially said to take locker in bank in joint name in which she put her ornaments including our which was given to her at marriage. she told me to purchase big house after the sale of current small one as she will help me in loan which I did. As she was caring 2 months of pregnancy she said me before registration I want my name in new house registration along with me & my mom for security I done that mistake also than she changes . even bacha be abort keya due to sm issue in sonography . Please suggest me

  • Comment Link michelle Monday, 20 July 2015 07:42 posted by michelle

    Is this a UK based community?

  • Comment Link GLADYS Tuesday, 14 July 2015 17:20 posted by GLADYS

    husband came into marriage with nothing. i pay bond food electricity every thing. HE IS CHEATING ALL THE TIME. LYING SLEEPING WHILE I GO TO WORK LOTS OF PICTURES OF OTHER WOMEN ON COMPUTER. HE IS FROM ANOTHER COUNTR. I WANT OUT.

  • Comment Link Stan Tuesday, 26 May 2015 11:51 posted by Stan

    My wife and I just reconciled after separating. I have a feeling she is planning on divorcing me. She wants me to pay the legal fees that were associated with the legal action she took against me during the separation ($5000), while she pays for all of our bills.
    Should I be concerned that she doesn't want me paying any bills?

  • Comment Link Sherri Tuesday, 19 May 2015 01:46 posted by Sherri

    What if your disabled, do not have access to any money due to an abusive husband and the only place you want to get to is your family in N. C. But they have no room and need public housing assistance.

  • Comment Link atkins Friday, 03 April 2015 13:04 posted by atkins

    my daughters husband has moved out for space into a flat he says he loves her but has no feelings for her his office is in the house and his sister does to books he has changed the password on his accounts even though my daughters name is not on the business which she thought it was he has depression tablets off doctor and says he cant make up his mind about the marriage but likes living alone he pays her a small wage but she drives old car he has flach one is all this legalshe dosnt know how much is going in to the business now

  • Comment Link BSD Friday, 03 April 2015 08:37 posted by BSD

    Absolute BS. Too many people quit on marriages without making any effort to repair it! I am a man and my X tells me we all get dumped sometimes. Who the F says it to their husband? We were not dating. She had no reason to end the marriage. She said she was not happy...LOL She was on Facebook constantly. We had twins that had just turned 2 when she dropped the bomb. We went through hell having the kids. Fat F needed gastric bypass surgery. Special doctors and artificial insemination. She should have used a sperm donor. She used me instead. I can only hope she burns in hell! She never said she was sorry. She ruined my life. She cheated. Is it normal to find a text on her phone that said, "I want your big fat cock?"

    I could say more but you get the idea. I will always hate her. The kids will learn the truth and how much of a piece of shit their mother is. I look forward to that day!

  • Comment Link mary herman Thursday, 05 March 2015 03:44 posted by mary herman

    Really good advice, after 32 years, he has emptied our joint account, opened his own account that I'm not on. He has a po box, I have no access to anything. I am a stay at home wife. He even files our taxes without my signature and has them directly deposit into his account. I can't even buy groceries without him allowing me too.

  • Comment Link Jeremy Pate Friday, 20 February 2015 03:56 posted by Jeremy Pate

    So my problem is that I'm a Disabled Vet with ptsd! And she has decided that she can't deal with me anymore! My question is this since I'm on disability and she left me with all the bills and the house and I can't afford it! Can I get allommony from her? I helped her get on her feat with her business, now her income is very good! And she refuses to help me out!

  • Comment Link femi Saturday, 31 January 2015 03:15 posted by femi

    i will be 21 on apriel, my mom cares abt my elder brother more than me, i suppose to be in skul, but instead of my mom helping me he gives my elder brother any money she has, even now dat my elder brother is married with 2 kids, although we are not dsame father, i am a computer technician but i need connections for my work,am planning to leave home now cos i have no one to help not even my father, pls give me so piece of advice. thanx

  • Comment Link therasa Friday, 09 January 2015 17:53 posted by therasa

    When my husband divorced me we didnt go to a lawyer. He agreed to give me the house that was paid for. all the furniture and enough allomany to live on each month I GOT DIVORCED WITHIN AMONTH.

  • Comment Link Jan Thursday, 01 January 2015 20:19 posted by Jan

    So my husband and I have been talking divorce for about 2 years. Separated 18 months ago - he left for a while, moved in and we did separate rooms and then we tried to work things out. We've been going in circles but I am really concerned about our financial situation before I file for divorce.

    My husband and I have about $58,000 in various debt (loans, credit cards, etc). Much of this was taken out without my knowledge over than past several years, but not all of it. We have had issues over the years with my husband making financial decisions without my be knowing or agreeing to it, or not giving me the full picture. He also has about $70,000 in student loans (from before we were married) and I have about $100,000 (from after we were married). Our mortgage is at about $313,000 (outstanding) and he has been looking into refinancing to pull the equity out and pay off much of the $58,000 debt. The mortgage is only in his name. This makes me really uneasy with everything else going on as I am trying to make the best financial decisions for the kiddos and I’s future. I’m not sure what advice you may have in this situation on how to precede – do I try and sell the house and use that money to pay off debt? Would the refinance and paying off debt be a good option? It’s my understanding (and I could be way off here) that I should be in the best financial situation I can before filing for divorce. Would filing for divorce before anything else happens be best? Should I go see a divorce financial planner? While I do have a decent working knowledge of finance, I really am ignorant when it comes to how this works in terms of divorce, martial assets etc. We live in Colorado and he makes over $100,000 a year. I currently am self employed (6 months) making about $30,000 but was previously unemployed for 3.5 years before. We've been married 5 years and have a 4 year old son.

  • Comment Link Tracy Tuesday, 16 December 2014 15:48 posted by Tracy

    My husband and I had our own cars when we got married,he said we didn't need so many...he had he told me to sell mine,now we might be looking at divorce he said he's going to take the truck back that's in his name and then I have nothing...he has sence sold one of the cars but replaced it with a older car,but when he bought the olde car he put it in someone else name...he said he would give me the car.....I need the truck because he bought me a 5th wheel and I would have no way of towing it...what is the law on this?...and we are not living together for over a year now and I have had the truck this whole time...I'm staying with my mom because she's going thur a ruff time,so I will have no way of going back and forth to my house and my moms.

  • Comment Link Don Dressel Friday, 15 August 2014 15:34 posted by Don Dressel

    I am a man on this site and I am seeking answers. My wife has been doing strange things lately like staying out and on her phone all the time. Yes I know all of you would say she is having an affair but I do not think that is the case. She has told me she still loves me but does not know if she is in love with me. I tracked her cell numbers and she is not talking to anyone strange and has told me not to worry there is no one else and will let me know what is going on in a week or two. Her cell numbers are going to a financial institution and she is suddenly hiding her credit union statement from me. She has been pushing me to go on a dating site and go out on a date with another woman. I asked her why and her reply was I just think you need to! I think I know what is going on she is trying to buy another place and plans on telling me when the loan goes through and then I think she will ask for a separation. Men such as myself are sometimes blind to what is going on around us so maybe one of you women can give me an answer please?

  • Comment Link Norma Thursday, 14 August 2014 04:19 posted by Norma

    I married 3yrs ago, leaved with him for about 1 yr. Total of 4 yrs together. He ownes a dog grooming business when I married him. He never has let me work at another job. He tells me I already have a job and it is the shop. I been working at the shop for the 4yrs. With no pay check. He pays everyon else . He has always told me the to get money when I need it. Now that I am not helping him he does not want give me money. I am staying at home with no income.

  • Comment Link Annue Speller Saturday, 26 July 2014 19:25 posted by Annue Speller


  • Comment Link Karen Tuesday, 15 July 2014 22:45 posted by Karen

    I have been married for 21 yrs. He lives in another city in order to work and comes home 2 wk ends a month. One to mow and one to make a deposit at the bank. I am a cancer survivor and disabled. I draw disability less then 700. per mo. He is a union electrician and makes good money. The only bills we have are credit card bills and the normal insurance for cars. He only deposits 750. in our joint acct while he has another one that is only his in the city in which he works. He is an alcoholic and verbally abusive. I have had 27 surgeries and am not in good health. Behind my back he has cancelled the accidental death insurance that would provide for me should anything happen to him without me knowing about it. We have no children. Most of the bills are paid out of the joint acct in which the amt he puts in is about what he makes in one pay ck. My med bills are very high as I have a pump implant and oral meds alone each yr run 15,000.00 BCBS and Medicare pays for my health care except for the deductable at the beginning of ea yr. I have been taking on average of 40.00 in cash ea time I buy groceries and put it back. He lies so much I don't know what is truth and what isn't. I want out but know a lawyer is around 3,ooo. for a divorce. I consulted with one who told me most likely a judge would order him to keep me accustomed to the life I have been living including at least 3yrs of health insurance and alimony but unless he orders a bigger amt of alimony then the deposit he puts in ea mo, I won't be able to survive. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

  • Comment Link Jane Capewell Sunday, 13 July 2014 10:52 posted by Jane Capewell

    I've been married for 32yrs and been solely with my husband since I was 19yrs,once the children came along I only worked part time as a nurse to keep child care costs down,eventually in 2008 I had to take ill health retirement. In February this year my husband told me he wants a separation I was totally unprepared and my medical conditions increased. I'm trying to stay in the family home as long as I can as if I leave he may drag the financial settlement on as long as he can. He's now asking me to contribute towards the household finances something I have never done in 32yrs. Apart from buying furniture bedding and so on. I took out a large lump sum out of my retirement pot on his advice and this was shared between us into isa's as a result I now have a drastically reduced monthly pension,which he appearce to have forgotten about! Is he able to charge board and do I have to pay it?

  • Comment Link Kim Monday, 23 June 2014 18:47 posted by Kim

    These things are s mart things to know even if you aren't thinking divorce. I've seen many wives totally lost when suddenly her spouse dies or becomes seriously ill. It's smart to have set aside some money in an account of your own. You don't have to be headed Down the divorce court isle to just plan for the future of your sanity!!!

  • Comment Link susan driggers Friday, 20 June 2014 18:04 posted by susan driggers

    my husband divorced me because i became disabled. i live only on disability which is nothing. i have rent, cable, electric and taking care of my little children. i barely have food to feed us, and we get food from churches. my ex gets money every week, and i get it every month. He seldom helps me feed the kids. i dont know what to do since we have joint custody. but he still owes me alimony but didn't cause i had no attorney, he also instead sharing custody with me, he leaves them with a neighbor. also he is 49 years old, and still lives with his mommy. he has lived with her his whole life. even made me move in with the witch. the main thing since i'm disabled he will try to take the children. he can afford an attorney and i can't. Legal aid doest help. So men are the devil. maybe the woman cheated because he SUCKED in bed! women put up with so much shit, men should pay out the butt hole.

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  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 05 April 2013 17:24 posted by Guest

    Okay, been married for 12 years, kids are his and grown (23 year old lives with us) I have been the sole supporter of the household for 4 years. He is behind on child support so he has no drivers license; he is overweight, with a hernia and severe dental issues. He really has given up and he is pulling his son down with him. I can't make him want to live but I actually would feel bad just kicking him out. I have tried talking to him about equitable distribution of duties; working as a team, etc. He is better for about 2 weeks and then it's back to same ole same ole. I can't take this much longer. The house, the car, and the checking account are in my name only so his ex wife can't access my accounts. Should I just kick him and his son out? Can I? I am at my wits end even just trying to figure out what my next step is. Anyone got any suggestions?

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 01 February 2013 23:16 posted by Guest

    Confused: You have children and they watch everything. Is this how you want them to be treated or treat their partners when they are married? I know that you don't. Do not tell him you are going to go, you have to think and plan. If you have a friend or family member that you trust have them open a bank account in their name. If you do not have someone to depend on, open you own at a different bank and do all of your transactions paperlessly. Keep your password protected. Every time you buy anything at the store (grocery, walmart, target, home depot) and use your debit card, withdrawl extra money. $20.00 at one store, $40.00 at another. He won't notice little bits of money leaving the account, but a chunk of cash will send up flags. Sell anything you can and get that money into your secret account. Don't worry about the house, it's full of bad memories. You and your children will start fresh. Do incognito searches on the web or erase your history and contact any free legal aid you can find. Contact shelters and ask what you can do. Do your research. You are planning an escape so you need to think and act smart. Figure out where you want to go and don't go to a place he can easily find you. Once you have enough money that you can afford find a rental, get your kids and go. He will hurt you if this continues and then he will turn on the kids. You are the mom and it is your job to protect them. You can do this. I know it is scary but you have to. They are depending on you.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 01 February 2013 22:54 posted by Guest

    Disrespected Wife: I have been married for 25 years. My husband recently left me and my two children for another woman. He spends all of his time with her. He barely calls my children much less sees them. They are both extremely hurt and angry. He is a selfish bastard and is concerned only with his happiness and fun. I would be overjoyed to have him take the slightest interest in them, but he doesn't.

    Please understand that your husband has a lifetime with you and his kids will grow quickly. You both need to cherish this time with them, you won't regret it. He will love you more for opening your heart to them. This is a fight that you cannot win, because if he changes for you he will always resent you for making him chose.

    There are two abandoned children in my house who would love to have a father who cares as much as your husband does. For everyone's sake don't be selfish, and love him for the man that he is. You are very lucky.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 30 January 2013 07:27 posted by Guest

    I wouldn't agree to anything: I wouldn't agree to anything with a man who "acts" like he has your best interest at heart. At this point he has the typical male reaction that everything is his, in spite of what he is saying. Would you trust Walmart to act in your best interest? This is business, my advice get a lawyer, believe me you can trust a lawyer more than a spouse that failed to do their part in making the marriage work.
    Men, see divorice as winning. Irregardless of all the time together, kids, years together. There is no sentiment in a man, that I have ever seen. Money, is all they want, and they get married with no clue of sharing anything. Get a lawyer or at the least consult one or better a financial advisor. However, be warned while you are trusting a man to be "fair and reasonable" he is hiding assets, and trying to put himself in the best position to "sweet talk" you into settling for less than you are entitled to.
    Do not fall for the "he wouldn't do that to me", Know he will.
    Thirty five year marriage, where throughout the marriage, he failed to protect us (the family) but never failed to protect self.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 21 January 2013 02:33 posted by Guest

    I disagree with your: I disagree with your statement. I am a married man (divorce proceedings started by her) that did everything I could to keep our marriage going. She has stated that I am a great husband and a good father and yet she is divorcing me. She will not give me a reason why. I have been loving caring helpful and for all of this, this is how she treats our marriage and family.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 13 January 2013 13:32 posted by Guest

    Alimony for a wife who has: Alimony for a wife who has supported a husband for over two decades - as I did- is absolutely fair. Let's not put everyone in the same sack, shall we???

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 13 January 2013 12:51 posted by Guest

    You are too important to stay: You are too important to stay in a bad relationship. Don't let him tell you that no one else will ever want you. Even if that were true (and it isn't), being single is far better than being with an abuser. You need to value yourself and not make yourself a martyr to him. I had a sister-in-law once who did just that. No matter how ridiculous my brother-in-law acted towards her, she hurried to do whatever it was that he wanted. He shamed her in front of us many times. She was a sweet person, but he obviously didn't value her at all. He was physically abusive but she probably would have stayed with the marriage except that their son called the police on his own dad. After they split, she lived hand to mouth for quite awhile, and she never remarried, but she admits that she's lots happier now than she ever was married to him.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 13 January 2013 01:13 posted by Guest

    No self worth=health problems: Why would you marry him knowing there were already indiscretions? What is it about you that has such little self worth that you tolerate being treated like total scum? I guarantee most of your health problems are being caused by your marital stress. Divorce this idiot before your life is over!! There are no do-overs in life and you treat people how to treat you.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 03 January 2013 16:30 posted by Guest

    I think this is me too: I think I am in the midst of trying to get away from Narcissus too. I need help. I have no $, no job, been a SAHM (on his orders) for five years. What do I do? He even shot a hole in my phone with a gun. Everything is in his name. I don't want to run to my family and endanger them. What do I do? How do I get out?

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 31 December 2012 08:54 posted by Guest

    Maybe open a daycare and put: Maybe open a daycare and put it on Craigslist. My friend makes $3000 a month. I also have a friend who paid $300 a month for her son to go to a preschool and the lady taught him 3 times a week for four hours. She interviewed and took only the kids who listened. A total of 8 kids. Just an idea.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 26 December 2012 16:43 posted by Guest

    No, it does not seem like a: No, it does not seem like a good agreement. You're entitled to 1/2 the equity in the house, 1/2 retirement, and 17 years of spousal support. Do the math. $100,000 does not add up.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 22 December 2012 11:07 posted by Guest

    disrespected wife: I take it that you don't have kids...because you truely don't understand what it means to be a parent. This has nothing to do with you. And I think that is probably the problem. You are very lucky to have a husband who cares about his children. This is a sign that if the two of you have children that you can expect the same thing. You need to think about this one, if you don't want children and a family its better that you get out now and give him the opporunity to find someone more suitable.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 16 December 2012 08:32 posted by Guest

    Lots of Great Resources: I feel so sorry for all of you who have suffered abuse at the hands of your husband. Having been one of the lucky ones for most of my married life, I didn't realize how many women were having to endure the unthinkable until I started reading some of these websites. I do feel you are lucky in a way, because you are facing these problems at a time when there is a ton of information and support available at your fingertips. I've discovered that there are tons of websites authored by professionals who can give you the expert advice you need to either revitalize and save your marriage or get through a divorce. My heart goes out to you all.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 14 December 2012 15:07 posted by Guest

    Divorce, in bad health, no job: I met my now husband in 1998,within weeks he asked me to marry him(but didn't ever buy me an engagement ring). We were together til Oct 2001(after a few indiscretions on his part), I had to finally tell him since he would NOT make good on the promise to marry me we should take a break from our relationship and give him time to decide if I was what he wanted. Within 4 weeks he was sleeping with a girl he had just met, she told him he got her pregnant,(of course the kid is nowyears older and isn't his kid). He married this girl 4 months after he and I broke up. The kid was born 8 months after he met this girl, as a "full term" baby, she got pregnant 2 more times in 4yrs, then ran off with another guy. 2yrs after she left him he returned to my door *BEGGING ME* to give him another chance. Told me I was the BEST thing that ever happened to him and he should have married me. I was overwhelmed with all of this and I was STILL SOOOO IN LOVE with him even after all the crap he had pulled. I lived in Texas and he lived in FL. He said since he pays $1200 a month in child support that I would have to quit my job and ruin my credit and give up everything I had going for me, but that if I would just trust him and give him a chance to make things right, he would fix everything in time...all he wanted was to marry me and make things right....yea, right! I feel so stupid now, we got back together in '08, is child support kept a marriage in the distant future, I have no high school diploma so getting a job here in this small and jobless area was impossible. He told me to just be a stay at home wife and later when we can afford it he would let me get a HSEC and go to school for an associates degree. We married in '11 and almost immediately I began feeling like I was dying. I had ALL the classic symptoms of menopause, and much more...months later, a doc finally diagnosed me with Hoshimotos disease(autoimmune disease), but the doc didn't know how to treat this. Instead of asking a doc to consult with her, she miss treated the problem and essentially did nothing to stop the progression. I finally slipped into a coma and nearly lost my life. This caused about 60% of my long beautiful hair to fall out, what didn't fall out, broke off at my chin. My husband and I watched in horror as I gained 35lbs in 9 weeks, even though my exercise and eating habits did not change. I also developed a huge swollen face and aged about 15yrs over night. Since I was not getting proper treatment from the doc I then became bed ridden, barely able to take myself to the restroom. NOW, the NEW doc is telling me my adrenals are shot from all the damage done to my body during the time with the old doc...I have days where I seem mostly fine, but some days where I can barely hold my head up. Doc said it will take about a year of treatment to bring my body back from the edge....SO, my problem is, my husband is NOT the same great man I had been so in love with even while he was making a family with another woman. He is now verbally and sometimes a bit physically abusive. He lies every time he opens his mouth. He refuses to allow me to have access to his money/bank acct, he makes me go a day or two with no food in the house. He doesn't provide me with clothes so I had to sell one of my dogs to buy myself larger clothes after I gained the 35lbs. I had a nice truck before we married but his threats of putting me on the street, he made me trade it for the truck HE wanted, even though my tuck was worth $25K and the truck he made me trade for was only worth $8K....I now have BAD credit for my efforts at true love and nothing of value left to my name. I can't get a job for many reasons, not just no diploma, I grew up without family, except my sis but she is in no position to help me. His family lives all over this area, they are lawyers and a judge here. How, in my situation can I possibly leave? I have nowhere to go, no money to get there on and no hope of being able to get another job, much less a job where I can make enough money to support myself. People I have talked to, tell me I should just let him have everything and go live in a women's shelter....REALLY? I should further reward him for destroying my life?? And for those men out there who think a stay at home wife/step mother doesn't "DO" anything....I keep this house even on the days I can hardly walk, I do my BEST to keep him in a nice clean house, when I have GOOD days where I can work even harder, I do as much maintenance, animal care, yard/pasture work as I can before I collapse, not to mention sex upon demand, and thanks to my disease I do not have a libido....but I still have to give him sex! So don't sit there and think I should just go crawl into a ditch and die because I don't get a paycheck!! That's exactly what my husband told me to do when I told him I am miserable and want a divorce! Is there any hope for someone in my position? I prayed for death today and now I fell desperate. The laws are all wrong, he wanted to put me at his mercy, now I am trapped and have no way out.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 14 December 2012 13:12 posted by Guest

    alimony should be a crime: Florida is the state know for Alimony whores. No-fault means the wife can leave for another man and the husband will pay permanent alimony even with no children involved. The one with a job will be ordered to pay all fees or face jail. Attorneys love it.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 13 December 2012 20:31 posted by Guest

    Should I stay or should I go: I have been married 23 yrs and have been called every name in the book, I hate the C word.. I have had my cell phone shut off texts, blocked, data blocked, so many times it makes me hate cell phones.
    He had the sprint family locator locate my phone saying I was with in several miles and showed an address so he assumed I must be with some guy, I have been falsely accused of cheating,seeing some one,trying to set him up.. He has called me, text me non stop when I'm sleeping and threatens to shut off my phone.. Shocking.. When he works out of town he calls me all hrs accusing me of cheating.. Paranoid I'm cheating,even asked our three grown daughters if mom is seeing some guy. He has always self medicated with meth every once in awhile but now it seems this yr is the worst.. He has been self medicating with meth every two weeks, for the last 4 months? from what I have started to keep track of. He is very hyper sexual, watches porn on Tv and his phone when hes high or manic. But he lies, lies, lies, lies about everything then accuses me of lying. He has taken my keys, gone through my purse phone.. Says everything is his. We rent don't own,because of bad credit,his gambling and poor money decisions. The bank account is in my name because of his check writing history,so his check are deposited in my bank but he has a card to it. He has had his checks sent to him out of town instead of deposited into the bank to pay bills. He always drains the bank account but makes 100,000 a yr... Yet we are always broke. He says very mean hurtful things. He thought I was lying when I said I was on my period and wanted to see if I really was...He has always been verbally abusive when the girls were young, but I thought he was just being a jerk. His father verbally abused him and physically abused him. I used to fight back but that one time landed me with a broken nose.. When he is normal he can be amazing, fun,giving, loving,tells me I m the world to him, he says I'm beautiful, he's lucky to have me then flips a switch and says hurtful things. One of our daughters was diagnosed with bipolar 1 so I'm guessing he is bipolar too. He was diagnosed with adult ADHD after a physical fight, he went to jail took a anger management classes and they said hes ADHD. He is the one that works and pays for everything so he holds that over my head. I have worked in the past but with a daughter that was diagnosed bipolar 4 yrs ago makes it tough. She cant work,sometimes cant sleep, gets very verbally abusive and angry and that's hard enough knowing suicide rate is high for bipolar rapid cyclers.....I'm in hell living in a house with a 22 yr old bipolar daughter and I believe a ADHD/Bipolar husband... He has gone out all night and has come home the next morning with some lie of where he was. When he is high or manic he lurks around the house thinking hes going to catch some guy in the house. I'm 46 yrs old and don't have time for these games. He demands all my emails and passwords,constantly goes though my phone,changes my voice mail password, and if I get mad he will quit his job and drive home or not deposit the check into the bank. He always seems distracted and doesn't listen very well,hince the ADHD... very messy, disorganized,forgetful,loses everything. pees on the toilet seat, doesn't clean up his messes wherever he is.... couch,kitchen, bedroom exc...
    Sad thing is I love the guy but can't handle the control anymore... It's enough stress having a bipolar daughter,but dealing with the manipulation,control, anger is too much. He says he has never cheated on me but has played wicked verbal games saying he has with who and in detail,then says he only does it to see if I will come out with if I have cheated... wicked mind games..
    He can be very negative, like I'm walking on eggshell not knowing which one of the two evils I 'm going to deal with today. So with this said I hope someone else out there reads this and makes up her mind to either stick it out with the mental illness or move on....I seriously see it getting worse not better.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 08 December 2012 17:53 posted by Guest

    A dad who loves his 4 year: A dad who loves his 4 year old daughter and try's to keep communication with her and you call your marriage a sham because of it? I have heard some self centered things in my life before, but this one is tops. You should be ashamed of this type of attitude. Do you know how many kids are out there that have dad's who don't give one crap? You should be encouraging him and not putting him down for it. It sounds like you got married in hopes that he would spend most of his time focusing on just you and not his other obligations. If you really love him, try to understand that he is being a good man, and try supporting him instead of bringing him down. I'm sure you will be rewarded much more richly in acting this way prior than before. Best of wishes.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 02 December 2012 23:06 posted by Guest

    You need to get out of this: You need to get out of this relationship before it is too late. It is only a matter of time before he begins physically harming you, and it sounds like he already is. And the children are already being harmed by all of this. You are in a good position since you have a degree of financial security, your own job, which makes you less dependent on him. You will have to give up things to make this move. But it will be well worth it for you and especially for the kids. Don't believe for one second that you are anything less than a battered spouse...and he should have very little contact with the kids, if not absolutely none at all. Look into women's shelters for battered and abused spouses. You may not need to move into one, but they can give you the advice and guidance on leaving this abuser. I know that a part of you loves him, but that is not enough to change him. So take the love you have for your children to build up your courage and strength and get away from him. Do it before his abuse escalates, it will.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 02 December 2012 08:28 posted by Guest

    Please Read: I am a mother of five been married for 4 years and with my husband total 10. He is physically, mentally abusive to me. And Mentally abusive to our children. Hes very smart and calculating. We are starting our divorce and I do not have the money for and attorney. I tryed to get help through legal aid they denied me because my husband was still in the home. I did not want to file and injuction he is in law enforcement. I am scared for my life and my children because he has told me countless times my life is nothing to him. So I was steered away from the injuction but I am going this Monday to file it anyway now. He bought all 3 properties in 2006 and we did not get married till 2009 I have been told and read that purchased property previous to marriage is not marital property. So he knows what he was doing I had no idea. We are 15 years apart and he is older he is so smart and comes from money his family is already helping him with a attorney. My family does not have the means to do that. I also have been a stay at home mom our whole time together. I am so lost on what to do he bought everything before we were married and I feel so betrayed I dont know what I will do I have no vehicle or money I am not on any account he made me take myself off eveything I feel helpless its a horrible feeling. If any advice you know of I can do on my own to help my case I will be so thankful for any info to help .

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 01 December 2012 11:02 posted by Guest

    married an wan out: is it a good idea to get a bank account after separation an before filing for divorce?

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 27 November 2012 08:52 posted by Guest

    You should have never Married: You should have never Married a man who has a child! He should have stayed with the first wife, or the mother of the child. He is a MAN WHORE! Only a real man can make a relationship last no matter what the case!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 27 November 2012 00:15 posted by Guest

    for Young Mom: You need to make $300-400 more a month to afford the mortgage. Learn to sell on eBay. I am not kidding & it is very easy if you are honest and a little bit organized. A friend, teacher for 30 years, made as much on ebay selling used clothing as she had salary. You don't have to make that much. Test out how to list by selling a book with an ISBN on it. eBay will walk you through the process and it will cost you about 5 cents, possibly 25 cents, no more. They usually have a stock photo so you won't even need a camera for the first try. Amazon is also a very good place to sell books and other things like cookie cutters, kitchenware, etc. Do test this out. If you can substitute teach, you can certainly sell on eBay and it's much less stressful. Also something to look forward to doing at night and on weekends. When you get that first email that says, "Congratulations, .....just purchased your Black Wool Sweater and sent instant payment of $32" you will be thrilled. People have all kinds of things lying around that will sell. I sell old tin cans and it's just amazing the prices they bring. Good luck.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 18 November 2012 03:09 posted by Guest

    Get out... Im a nurse also: Get out... Im a nurse also supported my
    Husband and 3 kids for a
    Great number of years... He took a substantial amount from
    My 401k in settlement. Now wants
    Spousal support.. He may get it. I support all 3 kids- (he pays nothing for them)and myself. And wants me
    To pay him while he hangs out all
    Day. It's not fair and you may have a fight on your hands-
    But the rest of your life- is it worth to put up
    With someone you don't respect for the rest of your life?

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 17 November 2012 22:19 posted by Guest

    Disrespected Wife: I have only been married for a 19 months and on more than one occassion I have felt this is a mistake! My husband has a daughter (with his ex, before marriage she is 4). He allows her to call whenever she would like, cause problems in our marriage (his family is helping her) he knows all this. The last time she called our home at 6am just to be calling, I told him he needs to put a stop the constant disrespect for me and our marriage......he gets upset with me! We haven't spoken to each other in weeks!! I need to get out of this sham ASAP!!!

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 17 November 2012 21:23 posted by Guest

    Abused but not beaten: RE: Confused

    I too went thru the same with my husband of 15 years. I share the same observation when you noted that its like he can't handle day to day stress. My husband has had anger issues since we started and it only got worse. Unless he enters an anger management program, he will not see that his behavior is abusive. My advice would be not to leave him abruptly. Plan in advance but give him a chance to get help. If he feels that he doesn't have a problem and he blames you or whatever he is going thru at the time, then you need to leave him. The children will grow up not knowing what a respectful tender relationship is. They will only copy your husband's behavior. I hope this helps. I've been separated from my husband for longer than a year and he still can't admit that he has an anger management problem. We are now divorced. He still begs me to go back to him. But he still verbally abuses me when I'm late in dropping my son off to school or something else. But, since we have separated, I've noticed my son is more calm and relaxed. He does not get anger fits and crying spells. He (my son) now lives in peace. My son no longer is woken up to bickering by his parents. I know I did the right thing. And you must also try to do the right thing for your children and yourself.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 14 November 2012 03:03 posted by Guest

    I'm terrified of this very: I'm terrified of this very thing as we've been married 7 years and husband hasn't held a job in 5. I paid for him to get a second degree and he basically refuses to look for work. He blames this on depression but won't put effort into getting treatment. I was a 6 figure earner but got hit with 2 different autoimmune diseases this year and am on temp disability leave and he still won't work. I'm done, I want out and I'm filing this week. I'm terrified he will try to get custody of our 3 little ones.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 10 November 2012 07:46 posted by Guest

    Married for 10 years. Now my husband wants out!: I have been married for 10 years, we have two little girls. The last 2 years have been rocky. My husband gets angry for nothing on anything and anybody. He is yelling at the girls, say bad words to them and calls them retardes. We have had a few blow ups the last year but that is because I speak my mind, but then he freaks out! Now he wants a divorce. We where doing great going on dates, having sex once a week. (that is good because he was sexually abuse as a child so it is hard for him) He does not want to discipline the girls. He does not do any home work with the kids, picks them up from school and then let them do whatever they want. (they are 5 and 7) The younger one has problems in school. He tells me I can go and F my self and now he wants me out of the house. We own the house together it was given to us when his mother passed away, already paid for no mortgage. He tells me everyday he loves me, but one day he does not love me and he does not want to be married to me anymore. He said he is going to take everything from me. I told him if he wants out he can move but he said NO, he is not going anywhere and neither I'm I. I am not from this country, what should I do. Can he take everything from me?

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 07 November 2012 22:36 posted by Guest

    See A lawyer right away: The longer you wait, the more you may have to pay him. See a lawyer as soon as possible. I let mine sit for 8 years total though I put him through school for fours years and I am going to have pay him child support and spouse support for at least a few years and yes - I have three minor children that I am raising. He will get them half time because the Michigan courts sees anybody sitting on your couch as a Stay-At-Home Parent. There are no standards at all that he has to meet. I do think he has several mental health issues but that doesn't come into play either. Also emotional abuse does not count. If he can show he lived in your house and did not work, he is considered THE stay-at-home. BE CAREFUL ladies and gentlemen.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 07 November 2012 22:15 posted by Guest

    Look at What is on your Couch: I made the mistake of putting my my husband through school and then believing him when he said he could not find work for 4 years. Since we were married 19 years total, I have to pay him child support and alimony - and now I have to find money to GIVE him to move out (he has sat here for 6 more months waiting for the divorce to be final).

    I understand that I let him get away with it for 4 years and I have to pay for my stupidity but it sure seems that he should have to contribute something to raising the three children. That is not the way it works in Michigan. My advice is this: Unless he is doing a phenominal job at staying home - which mine was NOT - taking care of the house and the kids, divorce him NOW. Get out as fast as you can.

    Every year he can convince you that he can't find a job or at least can't find one that is worthy of him, you are going to pay for him for several more years. I feel so stupid that I have to give that worthless nit part of my paycheck and yet there is absolutely no pressure on him to work.

    The fact that I put him through school doesn't matter either. He has not actually worked in 8 years and so I might have to pay him for 8 years. Think about it if you have someone spending too much time on your couch! I wish I had.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 07 November 2012 14:57 posted by Guest

    he wants to be alone: Married 25 years, going thru menapouse. He thinks I had a affair 15 years ago. I did not. I am guilty of writing notes to some else. Wondering what if. At that time I was suffering from depression and on meds. Our children were small then . And was everything. Wife. Mother, doctor,cook, maid,appt esetter. He does not want to go counceling. I am not working. When things get tough he is always telling he has to leave. We are losing our home. We are renting. Are kids stillive at home. Ages 25 and 22. The 25 will move soon. I have a lack of libido. Cannot talk to husband becasuse$

    He know everything. Emotionally I am fine most days, but at time I pray something would happen to me, so he will know what life would be like without me. I tried to get closer. Suggest we have a special word to let me know he wants to spend time together. I suggested date night. He refuses. I am at the point to give him what he wants his freedom. Even though that is not what I want. I would love for us to have a real honeymoon. Since our honeymoon was only a weekend trip. Help please.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 07 November 2012 14:54 posted by Guest

    he wants to be alone: Married 25 years, going thru menapouse. He thinks I had a affair 15 years ago. I did not. I am guilty of writing notes to some else. Wondering what if. At that time I was suffering from depression and on meds. Our children were small then . And was everything. Wife. Mother, doctor,cook, maid,appt esetter. He does not want to go counceling. I am not working. When things get tough he is always telling he has to leave. We are losing our home. We are renting. Are kids stillive at home. Ages 25 and 22. The 25 will move soon. I have a lack of libido. Cannot talk to husband becasuse$

    He know everything. Emotionally I am fine most days, but at time I pray something would happen to me, so he will know what life would be like without me. I tried to get closer. Suggest we have a special word to let me know he wants to spend time together. I suggested date night. He refuses. I am at the point to give him what he wants his freedom. Even though that is not what I want. I would love for us to have a real honeymoon. Since our honeymoon was only a weekend trip. Help please.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 07 November 2012 12:25 posted by Guest

    You are the victim of: You are the victim of domestic violence. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help. 1-800-799-SAFE or look at this website.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 01 November 2012 03:25 posted by Guest

    Dear Guest,
    Thank you for: Dear Guest,
    Thank you for your Voice of Experience. I have been nothing but a loyal girlfriend to my ex for 5 months. I love him unconditionally until I broke up with him because I found out he was "hanging out with an ex to tease her". I told him I was jealous, he never apologized, and when I said I wanted to work things out, he blamed it on having "financial concerns". I only asked for money once and that was $30. He spends money on his friends and never complains, but with me it's always a problem. To make things worse, his previous exes were losers and he was with them LONGER than me. One only worked 2 times a month and he is still friends with this ex he was with for 5 years who cheated on him (this is the one he wanted to "tease"!!!) Here I am, I have a stable State job and work full time with a pension and benefits, supporting myself through my final year of law school, and he has the nerve to tell me he is "Protecting His Interests", when he is a struggling actor in LA. I find this very offensive and false. He places his friends on pedestals and treats jerky exes better than me. I have no debt except for a car payment (just wanting to build my credit) and he bashes that I live at home for being 33. He says he is proud living on his own (he has a roommate so does this really count----NOO!!!) And besides, I'm Asian and I pay rent at home to help out my mom. He says it's an excuse. It just seems he wants to make an argument out of everything just to find a way to breakup and make me feel like a loser. I figure this is what it means to have an emotional, verbal, and financially controlling ABUSIVE partner. He blames being cheap because he is "half Jewish", yet he treats "friends" who treat him like crap better than me. He has NO LOYALTY whatsoever because he conveniently forgets I was there for him (the only person) who helped him move and when his car broke down. His guy friend was just his roommate, but didn't really care. Oh well. He knows this is the truth.......I'm not going to be the dummy to fall for him anymore.....He'd have to apologize BIG TIME.....I bet he was cheating on me with that trash ex who cheated on him....He just cannot admit he has LOW SELF ESTEEM

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 27 October 2012 16:32 posted by Guest

    confused: Me and my husband have been married 5 years. I love him but am no longer in love with him. We have 2 children and due to them i have opened my eyes to the fact that my husband is mentally and physically abusive. I dont want to hurt him and i dont want him out of my kids lives but i cant take it any longer. He isnt the kind of man that beats a woman to the point of black eyes or bloody noses but he has grabbed me by my throat and thrown me through a door once, slapped me, picked me up and thrown me, and ripped my clothes off of me all in anger at different times. He is constantly cussing at me and I could take that but he cusses at my kids horribly and calls them names. he also calls me a wh*** and other bad names when he is mad at me. He has accused me of cheating numerous times and if i say hi to a guy co worker friend from school etc he calls them my boyfriend. If i eat to loud, fidgett too much or pretty much anything i do he tells me how much he cant stand it. I feel like im never good enough. Ive begged him to seek help for his anger issues. I beg him to talk to me about our problems instead of yelling. if our bank account gets low he goes off. Its like he cant handle everyday life and takes all his problems out on me. im at a breaking point. I need help figureing out what I can do because i know hes gonna refuse to watch the kids so i can go to work. he has ruined my credit so i wont be able to keep the house. and im afraid if i take my money and have work deposit it into my own account or tell him im gonna leave what he might do. i dont think he would hurt me but sorry i know im talking a lot im just confused. please any advise on how i could get help with child care and a house would be appreciated.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 26 October 2012 09:39 posted by Guest

    stay at home mom, divorce: I wanna know more

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 24 October 2012 22:59 posted by Guest

    I have been married for 15: I have been married for 15 years, I have an 18 yearold daughter (previous marriage) a 13 yearold daughter, and a 12 yearold son. I am the only one working (I'm a nurse for 25 years) and my husband has not had a job in years. I support everyone. I have decided that I've had enough of this and I want to file for divorce and sell my house. My husband has said multiple times that I am going to have to "buy him out" and that he will not sign the divorce papers if I don't. Can he do this? Will I have to pay him alimony even though I am, have been, and will be the only one supporting our children? Please help.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 24 October 2012 13:58 posted by Guest

    divorce support and no equity: I am 42 been married for 18 years in a very rocky relationship. My husband was controlling and mentally abusive I never recognized it until it was really over. I always blamed myself and tried to fix our problems for our family. I told myself for my kid's I'd stay make it work because I had them and they didn't ask to be born into a broken home. My husband had been married once before when we met had 2 children form that marriage. I had 1 child from a high school sweetheart never married. We only dated briefly and alot of crazy stuff happened I ran but he gave me an ultimatum so I took it and left. He then married another lady 6 months later and she left him pregnant with his 3rd child crazy huh. But a few months after that she ran also and he called me stupid me I started up again with this man. We married a few years later and I again had the same things happening this time I left but tried to do it secretly. Long story short We got back together again but after he had gotten his second wife pregnant maybe no blood test ever done. We had our daughter soon after that and things went along fine for about 5 years I was very unhappy. He always controlled everything didn't let me do anything expected me to cook clean take care of his mine and our kids together. I did everything doctor appts dentist school functions sports conferences holidays all by myself I was basically a single parent of 4 kids. After 5 years I wanted out again I always new in the back of my mind this was wrong but blamed myself believed what he said was true. We seperated again and I began a relationship with another man became pregnant and my husband found out and started mind trips again. I really thought I loved him and wanted back together so we did. He was there the day my daughter was born she has his last name and for 8 1/2 years he was her daddy. He changed even more started watching porn and wanted nothing to do with me. I felt like he got back with me to punish me so I stayed swore I would never leave again nomatter what he did or said. The abuse got worse so bad that I still cant talk about it without crying and it's been 1 1/2 years since I left. So we have been married for 18 years 3 of which totla seperations that really doesn't mean anything. He filled for divorce has stayed in our family home this is our second home together He has maxed out the mortgage claims he owes more than it's worth. I moved to another state and that has helped me I havent even spoken to him in this 1 1/2 years We communicated at first thru text messages. He agrees to custody of our daughter who is now 15yrs old to be with me and child support according to oregon guidelines which are figured with myself working full time at minumum wage. I am not working I'm going to school have severe depression and helping to care for my mom who has cancer. I want spousal support and something for all the money and time I put into that house it may not have any equity now but someday the housing market will bounce back and I can't believe I loose out. He has an attorney of course I can't afford one so I'm on my own. Legal Aid is a joke and there is nothing to help out a stay at home displaced housewife who gave up everyhting to raise children half of which weren't even mine. I feel so helpless and sad

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 19 October 2012 22:37 posted by Guest

    entitlement: wife is working. making $400 a week.
    i have 2 retirements and social security. at present we are separated.
    i give her half of the 2 retirements (not social security) and pay her car payment and insurance.
    am i entitled to anything like half of what she makes or is it one way in her favor?
    this is in san patricio county texas.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 18 October 2012 23:41 posted by Guest

    we have 15 year old not 25: we have 15 year old not 25

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 18 October 2012 23:40 posted by Guest

    Miserable wife: Wow...Its sucks to say this, but I am relieved that I am not alone. I am 40 and my husband of 18 years is 48. I have been unhappy the past 16 years. I did not realize this until I started to do things for myself and he wasnt supportive. I helped raise his daughter from the age of 7. I put my life, school and social life on hold, as I should. I put up with being hated by his family while he stood by and dif or said absolutely nothing. We have a fantastic 25 year old that I would never leave. We are in a sexless, loveless marriage and he never wants to communicate, date, discuss anything. I am sad, miserable,resentful and I feel unappreciated anddisrespected the majority of the times. He will say, I am sorry and keep it moving. I will leavr him after my son leaves for college. He will not change because he does not want to. He puts his daughter Nd grandbaby before his household. I understand him wanting to see the 4 month old. That is not my problem. When his daughter calls hr jumps. My 40th bday. Nothing. Our 18th anniversary. Happy anniversary. We couldnt do anything because the football game was on . i am not happy and i will not spend the second hald of my life unhappy.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 17 October 2012 13:15 posted by Guest

    Thank You Voice: I'm thankful for this posting. i am starting the divorce process. i have been married to a narcissist for two years, But we have been together for 12 years. He was diagnosed with these traits a year ago. of course i didn't find out until earlier this year because i never seen the paper work until i started looking. Prior to that i had no idea what was going on with him. i kept questioning myself about what i was doing. Until some co-workers told me to look this trait up and get myself educated and i did and every word that i seen in the description fit this man. Now that i know more i can see how he manipulated me all these years. at first i felt down on myself for allowing this to go on for so long always thinking i needed to do and be better, but i have learned it's not i who needed to or do better it was him. then reading more articles on the subject he can't do any better. to make a long story short i have been on a mental roller coaster which has affected my health and possible the mental stability of my daughter who is six years old.
    I'ts time to go as the comments and statements made up above you are really on the mark when you say to stay is a suicide mission. and learning that he will never change and things have gotten worse. My children and i need happiness, peace, love and a home filled with love not just a house.
    thank God the house is mine since i bought it before we got married and by only beinig married for two years we reallly have nothing to divide. But i know i have to be careful because he at this point he could be very ugly, since he's so possessive of me and i'm going against what he wants he may make my life more of a living hell then he has already. Oh i can't forget the countless times that he used the suicide card with me and i found a blog where their people use this to manipulate other people and that was a big eye opener for me. after i read a few of those and someone suggested calling his bluff and calling the police i did just that the next time he said he was going to do it. Sure enough as the sky is blue he told me and the police that i didn't think she cared i was just saying that. It takes a sick mind to play games that this with people. I thank God that i am getting out of this mess, and when i do i will have my own web page or book sharing all this with other people out there who are and have gone through this mess like this. thank you so much for this site and the postings. it really confirms that i'm not crazy. thanks

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 11 October 2012 22:01 posted by Guest

    Same Boat :(: I am married to a Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde. We met at a mortgage company 18 years ago and ended up starting our own Brokerage but in his name only. I was so naive. He told me it was for my own protection in case the company got into trouble blah balh blah. So we end up moving to 400 miles away to be near his mommy when the real estate market crashed ( near my dear mother-OUT-Law). She is the devil... she has a lot of $$$ as well and pretty much is a control freak. She drives by our house at night to see if we have the garage door shut or if she can catch my husband smoking outside. Anyway... My husband is a control freak as well, imagine that! I have lived with it and he filed for divorce twice, cancelling my own personal bank acct. online and my credit cards, AND filed a restraining order so I could not see our daughter 2 yr. old or my son (he adopted at 17mo. old now 17 yrs. old). I was out of town and he got upset that I did not answer my cell phone and automatically assumed I am having relations with the whole city so he impulsively filed for divorce the next day and cancelled all my stuff called me a whore then apologized 5 days later, I came home and then it happened again (2nd filling of divorce) when I went to visit my Dad in East Texas on his Birthday. I was 400 miles away visiting family. He called the next morning and said don't bother coming home you didn't answer your cell phone, click....Before all that happened I was so emotional and screwed mentally. Now, 1 year later I have a little more evidence on him and I will still end up getting the short end (screwed financially) of the stick but at this point.... Living a peaceful life vs. walking on egg shells is bliss. He will probably order a "mail order bride" when I am gone, that is how selfish he is. He only wants someone to please him. He is not willing to please the other. I know what traits to look for now. I have become skilled at identifying a psycho without the degree :( but at least I know what NOT to fall for. Good Luck to all of us who were manipulated, belittled and abused. You are not alone. It easier said than done, but do not take their words personally. It's really about their need of control. Love, Mother with two pennies

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 11 October 2012 02:43 posted by Guest

    Divorce: Been married 26 yrs still luv him cant hardly stand him 13 yrs age difference, he's younger I'm 64 miserable, still have 17 yr old adopted haven't worked much since we married, my son killed himself ten yrs into our marriage my husband freely admitted he cheated for 2 yrs( couldn't handle it) really! Me either marriage never the same lots of good qualities in him But I'm 64 need to live we r overburden with debt with debt because fighting for granddaughter. We live in expensive house too big too much also falling down for ack of care.
    At 64 I want out of debt need simple life .He is also a hoarder which makes our life misery.. All I wanted was out of expensive house, we can't care for, easier,cheaper life he won't budge. My health isn't great just want out to finish living my life best I can. What can I do in Texas? Hel

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 29 September 2012 01:38 posted by Guest

    I wanted to say I am sorry: I wanted to say I am sorry for your pain. Be careful with the fraud and the IRS. Look it up on the IRS official website under spouse, and fraud. The IRS has all kinds of ways to drag you in the mud whether you were responsible for the fraud or not. The spousal support is not there; in Washington state. It was not worth more financial pain. Trust in your instincts, do what you feel is right for you.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 26 September 2012 09:59 posted by Guest

    Voice of experience. : Divorcing a narcissist is not for the faint of heart. Staying with him is a suicide mission. Research, plan, do like Katie Holmes. Get everything ready: ALL in secret. No traces. Lock your phone, dont research or communicate on a shared computer or phone bill. Learn about emotional and verbal and financial controlling ABUSIVE partners. I beg you to take domestic violence awareness courses. Become a client of your nearest agency (if he does it first you are screwed) interview the baddest bad ass divorce attorneys -- so he can't use them. Do your best to find one who specializes in narcissistic (high conflict personalities) (The domestic violence shelter will have a referral list for you). Narcissus is incapable of truly returning your love. You must realize you have grown increasingly more into Echo. STOP. He will not and cannot change. Rescue yourself from this toxic relationship and you will find yourself!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 19 September 2012 15:04 posted by Guest

    Stay at home mom-16 years-married a total of 16 I GOT SCREWED: Mediation is not always a good outcome for both parties. It's not as easy as it sounds. I was pressured into an agreement that unfortunately now I see unfair and unjust as well as immoral. My ex father in law is a multi millionaire and his wife withholds approximately 2-300k per year from the IRS. She in turn hides this inforbation from her husband allowing her to provide my ex with 5k cash per month on top of the 5k he brings home. Without all of the drama his mother has put me through as well as losing everything (accept for my children bc she is a controlling nut as you can see it was revenge on me. I came out with hardly a pennny! As you can see this needs to be heard! I was getting $1885 for 2 children and $700 for spousal since Texas is pro alimony now when you have been married 10 yrs. or longer. Bottom line. My ex INLAWS hate me and they took me back to mediation with a 20k retainer fee for a new bad ass attorney . The outcome ? I receive 1k per month for 1 child, my daughter who is 8. Since my 16 yr. old son chose to have my ex's address his primary, this made my ex primary conservator over my son, this eliminates 12 1/2% out of the 25% for two children. My son stays with me all of the time as my ex travels a tremendous amount of time. I receive NO spousal support even though I was married for 10 yrs. and a stay at home mom for 16 yrs. I only am receiving 30% of his retirement when rightfully I'm due 50%. That is $14k! That's it. Unbelievable. Im 42, i have a 4 yr. degree and i have no opportunity bc now i am a single mother of 2 who hasnt worked in 16 yrs and our economy is screwed. I need to make a mimimium amount of 50k per year to even survive.I needed more retirement money that I was entitled to as well as the other things discussed. I had plans to open a boutique. Now i am stuck with only mental torture from my ex and his mother. I am very very close to turning them into the IRS for fraud and yes, selfishly just as they were ll of the mental head games. Its obvious they SCREWED ME. I married his MOTHER! Omg..they give me extra on the side for me to hush hush but its not a ton. The amount of cash is barely enuff to get by. I receive $440 every two weeks for child support. How messed up is this?

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 16 September 2012 21:26 posted by Guest

    4 years of marriage, short sale pending: I have been with my husband for nearly 10 years, married for four. The first few years of our courtship were a whirlwind of lust and love. We were obsessed with one another and I wanted a commitment. He showed signs of physical aggressiveness in our first year of dating: irrationally flipping out b/c of loosing a key, punching a hole in a wall after a fight between the two of us. I knew inside, that this side of him was going to be a problem. 2 years into our relationship, with no engagement, I moved to 5 hours to be with him. After a year I purchased a condo, thinking that this would make me appear more attractive to him. After my home purchase, he started feeling like I didn't need him and he proposed 8 months later. I remember wanting to tell him no as he proposed, because I was filled with hate that he had made me wait so long. He has been possessive all throughout our relationship, texting me incessantly when I hang out with my friends. He has to be the center of attention and hates it that I no longer outwardly adore him, as I once did. I have found emails with naked pics of girls that were written a week after we were married. I confronted him about this and he promised that he would never do it again, yet he stays up nearly every night doing god knows what on the computer. After finding this on our computer, I am completely turned off by porn and pretty much refuse to watch this with him. Our sex life has been non-existant ( 4-5 X a year) for a number of years, at least four, so since we were married. I feel like he wants me to be more adventurous than I care to be with him. My hold back is because I don't trust him, because of the emotional cheating that he has done with the girls on line. I feel like he instantly looked at me differently after we were wed, like I was no longer a sex symbol, but "his wife". When he was away on a 6 week work trip over seas, I did a boudoir photo session for him, thinking that this would get him to think of me as sexy again. He barely looked at them, stating that he blushed when he saw them, b/c I am his wife, like I can't be sexy because of it. We have little to no communication and he is short with me when he speaks, offering no patience. He becomes enraged multiple times a week by normal day to day problems. He has been physical with me a couple of times, pushing me down to the ground and pulling my hair. We have both thrown out the "d" word on occasion, when we're fighting. He has called me the worst wife a guy could have although I cook, clean, do all of the housework while working a full time travel job. We can't even go on a overseas vacation without fighting. I feel like he barely lives in our house, like he just uses it as a landing spot to drop his clothes, to watch his sports, never wanting to talk with me, to discuss the plans for our house, let alone our future plans. It's always social plans with his friends. I feel like I am just waiting around for him to tell me what we are going to do next and I have to adjust my schedule to accommodate his. We have started going on separate vacations, mine with girlfriends to go skiing, his to the beach with his guy friends.l
    We do well financially, especially for our young age ( early 30's), bringing in >$150K a year. We are both well educated, both with masters degrees and good jobs. Other people see us as a perfect couple, he is outgoing and charismatic, attractive and tall, but they don't see the side of him that I do. The side that has no self control, that's ugly inside, only wanting money, power and possessions. I want to start having children, but he is entirely too selfish to ever love anyone more than himself. I feel that he fits the mold of a complete narcissistic, withholding sex because he isn't happy with how his body looks, always has to be the complete enter of attention, hates it when I am called beautiful or sexy b/c it competes with his status, instead of enhances it. He grew up in a house that encouraged this egotistical behavior and his mother continues to dote on him, all the while calling his father "the king of the castle", always belittling herself to the men's satisfaction. I do not want my children to be raised in this kind of environment, to think that this is acceptable behavior.
    The condo that I purchased prior to our marriage is currently on the market as a short sale. It is only in my name, so once it sells, the damage will only be to my credit. I know I want to get out, that at some point I may not be in a safe environment. I worry what would happen to me financially, if I left him, especially considering the short sale. I'm afraid of what he would do to me if I started the divorce process. I know it would be the ultimate blow to his self esteem. I feel like we just don't have enough love to continue, our relationship is riddled with hate and resentment. He is away now, on business for a week, and I dream of packing up all of my stuff, finding a rental.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 15 September 2012 20:47 posted by Guest

    repeater: I have been married for 39 yrs. I am 60 yrs old. My husband had an affair 8 yrs ago. It took 4 yrs for him to end it...Now his old girlfriend has joined our gym and has been seen with him. I put a gps on his phone and found out he has been lying about his whereabouts. I am so sad and confused because he denies having anything to do with her although phone records show she has been calling him from a "throwaway"phone. After a pocket dial to me on his cell, I heard him talking on another phone to her...this, he admitted. Now he totally denies having anything to do with her. I will not have sex with him or communicate much because he says I am trying to run his life. I'm ready to boot him! Any advice?

  • Comment Link Kelly Tuesday, 04 September 2012 14:56 posted by Kelly

    He wants the house: We have a house in both of our names and I want a divorce and he wants to keep the house. At this point I don't care because I just want out. Won't he have to buy me out? can I just take my name off the house? What are my options? HELP!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 04 September 2012 05:20 posted by Guest

    I have been married for two: I have been married for two years but we have been together for 9 years. We have two children (5 years old and 3 year old) together and own our home. We have been seperated now for 4 months (he's living at his parents', I'm staying in the house with the children). He works a full time job in addition to a side job working on a farm. He pays me $400 every two weeks for child support and his half of the cell phone bill and his truck insurance and motorcycle insurance. I have always worked full time our whole entire relationship in addition to going to school full time. I was completing my student teaching (non paid) when we seperated. I had enough money saved up to support my lost income for 6 months (my student teaching and then the summer). I was not able to get a full time teaching position this fall but was placed on the top of the substitution list were I can make at max $375 a week. In the mean time I am babysitting my nephew and making $100 a week. We have decided that a divorce is in our best interest. Right now our mortgage is $605 a month. I have been paying that on my own from my savings and the money I've made watching my nephew. I would not be able to live anywhere else for less a month. A two bedroom apartment in town is $550/month where our house is a 4 bedroom house with a yard and garage and were are kids have lived for the past two years. My husband wants off the mortgage (rightfully so) or he wants to sell the house. How can I refinance the house when I don't have any set income right now? I also have $55,000 in student loan debt that I was able to defer for a year but will cost me roughly $650 a month. I just want to be able to stay in the house and continue paying the mortgage until I can maintain a full time job status. Even if I can't keep the house, I will be unable to rent from anyone without proof of income. I'm so scared that I will have to sell the house and not have any place to live. Any advice please?

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 03 September 2012 15:31 posted by Guest

    divorce and mortgage: I am unhappy married for 10 years now, I signed a prenup stating that all his property including our home and financial assest will ramain his, I also signed my name on the two property to lower the cost of our mortgage two years ago and I want take my name off so I can buy my own house.
    He doesnt work for 15 years now,he just turn 65 years old and ready to collect Social Security. Am currently working and making a decent salary. I've heard to one of my friend that I can give at least $5,000.00/year to my son (previous marriage) without getting audited based on community property if I file a divorce. Is that true, and can he take 1/2 of my IRA too? I also invest a lot of money in our home renovation. Also worried that he might ask for support too, but he has more money although he doesnt work for so long. Appreciate your input. thank you. julie

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 02 September 2012 13:05 posted by Guest

    Don't feel alone. I: Don't feel alone. I understand where you are coming from completely. The strong feeling you have when with anyone but him? Thats the real you. You sound like an emotionally abused woman, which can be just as bad as physical abuse....but nobody can see your pain. I understand it's a complete mind flip. Try to remember what you really think and feel when you are not with him. Listen to that. Get away as fast as you can. Work on it every day. If he has become physical with you, it will probably happen again, but each time worse. Get out now. Run as fast as you can, or at least take a few steps every day. His words are subconsciously, or consciously trying to control you. Don't let him. LEAVE ASAP!!! Make plans and start doing it today.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 22 August 2012 15:32 posted by Guest

    He owes you alimony - and if: He owes you alimony - and if you have been married 22 years - he will owe atleast 10 years of alimony - and if you have children child support - if you have been a stay at home mom you may also be entitled to him having to pay you for educational expenses so that you can get back into the job force...this varies by state...........and you will have to get a job and help support yourself........GL

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 19 August 2012 22:46 posted by Guest

    you can do this: You can work through this. Practice loving yourself instead of crying. You are better off.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 19 August 2012 22:44 posted by Guest

    Take it: This must be a very difficult time. I am coming up on 20 years of marriage and just realized that I have always been extremely unhappy. I only wish that my husband could offer me such a deal...I would take it and run. You have what you need to begin again and the settlement will make this much easier.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 07 August 2012 17:36 posted by Guest

    If you both win.... Cheers!: If you both win.... Cheers!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 07 August 2012 17:33 posted by Guest

    be a "good girl": "So put an end to your natural inclination to be a "good girl" who only wants "what is rightly mine, fair and reasonable" — because you may be in for a big surprise."

    There's that women against men thing again and it's further perpetuated through media, lawyers, family and friends. "Get HIM for everything you can" they say!

    I'm a "good guy" and am DONE being taken advantage of. I cannot believe how easily some of you women will STEAL a mans life, children, money and possessions then sleep ever so soundly at night. By steal a life I mean make me pay pay pay while enduring the heartache of not being able to tuck my son in at night, see his face when he wakes up etc etc etc. It takes time to EARN money and current liabilities to ex equates to DECADES of my remaining dwindling working life while she lives her dream on MY back/dime. How fair is that!

    She can work /chooses not to. Entitlements. One child. Time to get a lawyer (that I cannot afford) I'm thinking. Been separated over 4.5 yrs. For me it's not easy being nasty to people, especially my son's mother - she knows this and is taking SO advantage of it.

    If I do nothing I will die the lonely, miserable, angry, financially challenged old man that I feel like today... and sooner than later.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 24 July 2012 20:12 posted by Guest

    stuck in my marriage for 23: stuck in my marriage for 23 yrs. only my kids are 16 and 8.. wish I could be given a deal like that. TAKE it. Start over .Enjoy life again.. BE Happy !! You deserve it..

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 18 July 2012 04:01 posted by Guest

    lump sum settlement in MA ?? HELP: We have been married 17 years, two children 15 & 18 - He makes roughly 60,000 a year I made about 10,000 last year. Marriage fell apart three years ago. I am not working, seeing a doctor for depression. House is worth about 140K ( 73k after everything is taken out) 401=60k claims of no life insurance or other stocks. I deal with my debts he deals with his. I will leave most of the household things here, due to the 15 year old.

    He has offered 100K - with no alimony or health insurance. he keeps the house, the youngest will stay with him.

    I am not hiring a lawyer as I can not afford one, he also does not want to hire a lawyer. We figured we can sort it all out and then have someone write up the papers for a non contested divorce.

    It sounds like a lot, I know it is not but this has been going on for three years now - it is the closest we have come to agreeing. I want it to be over, he wants it to be over.

    Do you think this is a good agreement? I know you can't actually say but I am just looking for a gut feeling
    thank you

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 04 July 2012 15:43 posted by Guest

    Help! What do I do: You said he is abusive all the way and now he left you, well, then count your blessings, why cry about it!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 29 May 2012 02:24 posted by Guest

    divorce : I have been married for almost three years n getting a divorce now want to know how r if I can get support from my husband I don't work right now n need some support for a couple of months until I get a job. What should I do.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 16 April 2012 17:40 posted by Guest

    divorce and mortgage: He could easily sign a quit claim deed and get his name off the deed. If his name is on the mortgage, he will still be financially responsible even when his name off the deed. The only way to get his name off the mortgage is for you to refinance the home in your name only. He probably won't be able to finance a home until the mortgage is paid off. If you are really badly upside down, it is a real problem. Reselling may be very difficult.

    I want to let my husband keep the home, but the only way to get my name off the mortgage is for him to refinance the house. I am not sure he will be able to do that. That puts me in a very bad place. I want to move to Florida, where my family lives, because homes are so cheap there now. I may be stuck living in the house I have with a divorced husband. I am not leaving until I get my share of the equity and it is refinanced. We also have two credit card bills that need to be paid off, so our credit score will be higher. Mary

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 13 February 2012 19:17 posted by Guest

    Help, What do I do: I been married 6yrs and known him for 9. He is abusive in all ways and always say that i am cheating. We don't have any kids together. While I was out of state to visit my children he had moved out (took everything that he bought). It has been 7 months and I can't get over the fact that he left me. He did call me one time and said, "he wants a divorce." But, no papers yet. Is there a way that he could be charged with abandonment? and stress. I'm so stressed out, I cry everyday, night and everything I look at or do I think of him. Help me what should I do?

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 25 September 2011 15:08 posted by Guest

    help: what do I do first? want to get a divorce after 22 years - but have been a stay-at-home mom nearly all that time, what can I expect form the court in regards to what "he" has to give me? I'm trying so hard to find employment - but money is the only thing keeping me here. I want out now!

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 17 July 2011 06:15 posted by Guest

    Love him: In my opinion you should try to love him not divorce.
    Have you made sincere effort to love him and make him feel good.

    Guys are soft hearted. Try it.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 03 July 2011 16:23 posted by Guest

    Divorce possibility and liver cancer: I have been married to my husband for 33 yrs. In that time our marriage has never been great. We have fought off and on for that entire 33 yrs about anything and everything. We do love each other.....we both agree with that fact....and that is about all we agree on. I was diagnosed 4 yrs ago with vascular liver cancer. He has been there for me the entire time. But....we still argue and fight. I am so tired of it I could scream. I'm worn out from it quite honestly. I want peace...but I don't know how to get it in this marriage....other than getting a divorce to get away from him. Problem is, I don't know if I could survive financially . I get a disability check each month, and that is my only source of money. If I divorce, I wouldn't have health insurance , and having cancer, I need it more than ever. As far as him having to pay me alimony, I'm not sure if I would even get anything. As you can see, I am really torn and uneducated on this topic. I need advice from anyone out there that is willing to advise. Thank you ~

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 11 June 2011 17:54 posted by Guest

    Is it only me?: I think I am facing a divorce after 25 years, my husband has been abusive towards me verbal and emotional. (he does not think so, he fells he is a stand up man and I hold onto the past issues which keep us trapped in a bad marriage) The way I started to deal with it about 9 yrs ago was to sleep ( I could not do anything right anyways ( cooking, laundry , taking care of or son, do not know how to talk publicly the list goes on) He denies it all and blames I am too sensitve and just want to ba a victim). 3 months ago he pulled me to the ground during an argument. I told him before we were married if there was any physical abuse I would leave him ( my dad beat my mom and I knew I could not live that way). I asked for a divorce he is now telling me he will not be punished for 1 incident in 25 years..............I can't think straight ( I feel I might fail going out on my own).
    I do go to counselling, am on a antidepresant and antanxiety . I feel strong while talking to my counselor or friends that I can make it on my , but get sooooo weak when I talk to him ......................................ADVICE PLEASE

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 08 May 2011 12:35 posted by Guest

    Need a good plan before I file for divorce: I have been married for 13 yrs and have 3 boys in these 13 yrs I have been verbal abused and physically abused. Three years ago my husband was diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar Disorder. This answered alot of questions and I chose to stand by him knowing that he would be taking the proper medication. The medication made him feel like a zombie he stopped interacting with the children and became very dependent on me for every thing on top of that I worked a full time job and my children also depended on me. I was under alot of stress and to make things worst he became addicted to cocaine and this really but a strain on our marriage and our finances. He became violent with me and the kids. I have left him three times and have come back this last time to make sure we do not lose our home and with intentions for filing for divorce once we got everything settled with the mortgage company. I quit my job because of one of my children acting out on all of this craziness and not being able to make it to work on time. I am planning to find another job soon. I'm waiting for my retirement distribution check so I can hire a lawyer and get the ball rolling but on top of that I have a lot of signature loans, car loan, and personal loans that ar piling up I am not sure if filing for bankrupcy would be a good idea although it would relieve alot of stress. Right now I am able to have control of all the money but after the divorce it will be just child support and my income once i start working.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 22 March 2011 09:23 posted by Guest

    I feel for you: Sharon,
    I feel for you deeply. I can understand to some extent what you are going through and it must be extremely tough. I don't have any legal advice for you but I do want you to know that someone is thinking of you during this time. Like I said I feel for you but please know that you can pull out of this and you are stronger than you think. All you need is legal advice to help you figure out what exactly your rights are and what you can do. Right now that is important and I hope that you get that from an expert. Again please know that I am thinking of you and hang in there!!! You can do it!!!
    Take care.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 03 February 2011 17:46 posted by Guest

    Divorce Advice needed: Hi I am in an extremely unhappy marraige and have decided after many many years of depression and 3 failed suicide attempts, that its time I left him. I have a aproblem tho. I have been a stay at home mum, and have been supporting my husband becoming self employed living factory work to build a business. He now earns twice per week what he was earning. I have been suffering with devere deprassion for many years and am under my GP, have been reffered to an Neurologist as it s supected I have MS. I have had sever depression sinced Ihad my last son, have had two emotional breakdowns and have sepent 6 weeks in hospital folllwing my wanting to take my life. y husband has not been emotionally supportive ever, since I fell ill and had resented my needing any help.

    We are now divorcing and I have no idea what to do as am waiting for treatment options etc and it loooks as tho I probablyw ill never work again as I am becoming more and more disabled as time goes by.

    The mental abuse is not obvious, but he knows he is doing it as he understands how I feel about stigma and he knows how hurt I feel that others have judged me for not being able to work. He says he will not be paying any maintenance to me for me, and that he will provide for the kids how he sees fit. He has left the home, and has no intention of paying any bills. I am now going to get into so much debt as there is no way i can work and I cant live on family allowance and tax credit of 130 per week..... What are my rights, can I take a legal order oujt on him to ensure he maintains the family home until our divorce is settled or do I have to go into debt, having been supported by him our entire marraige, I want to work and am crying now as I write this, but I have been so intimidated by his arrogance, and silent bullying. He shows no remorse or emotion and never has done, he hurts me by neglecting my emotional needs and has done ever since my first son was born. I have felt like a baby making machine, who has been cast asisde now I cant cope and wont be able to work. He has no interest in my mental health. I have been suffering for so long and he finds it bemusing. he uses it against me at any opportunity. Today he told me that if I think he is gonna support me while I sit here all day, living a life of riley then I can forget it. I have no life, I am so ill and I go nowhere without it being massive for me. The last night I had out was December 8th 2010, before that it was November 2009! I live with mental misery and just want to get back up on my feet and be well again! What wiloll I do. and do I have any rights?

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 26 July 2010 20:15 posted by Guest

    Husband wants his name off morgtage-: I have been supporting my husband for three years. He is on disability. He now wants a divorce and wants his name off of the mortgage- we are upside down. This is a recent developement since the economy has had an effect on my employement. I have so many decisions to make, I am hurt and overwhelmed.