Inspiration, Encouragement & Strength
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Fear is immobilizing. Where there is fear there is no action. I remember being consumed with fear, fear for my kids, fear for the future, or fear that there was no future. Fear is not good. But you are kind and courageous. The fear lessons as more things are completed in separating your life from his. I too saw a counselor during this point. I saw him less than five months. It helped to have third party to talk to and sort it all out. I was suffering from gaslighting and my memory and mind were running to fast and confused. I was nervous and not eating and not sleeping. I didn't take any medications but I needed to talk through what actions I was taking and why. I took counsel from a professional counselor, a church counselor, a pastor, my brother and my father and then of course a lawyer. Taking action keeps fear " in line". Fear is immobilizing. Action immobilizes fear. It is hard getting your mind actions and feelings all on the same page. I saw all those people and they were all in favor of the same actions. Knowing that made it easier to take action. They also oddly enough were all men. My mind was so scrambled and oddly enough I think I need the authority that some men naturally carry to get me to action. I read this blog and cried with you. I am so sorry. My prayers for you are that you have no fear and are encouraged to keep taking action. Cry it out, talk it out and take action. Your feelings will come full circle. The journal suggested by free spirit is a good place to start. It is not your fault.
Go out there and THRIVE! The woman who wrote that he gets off on you being single. Great! Two slimy cretins found each other. HOORAY! That’s not your problem. Say good riddance to them! Thank God! He has given you the best gift you could ever ask for; a second shot at true happiness! But it can only come from within. If you can't find it, then find a professional, therapist, life coach, whatever to walk with you while you look for and discover your true calling. His little placeholder wife wasn't it. But it's all out there waiting for you. Spend those nights in solitude working towards those goals. You won't be lonely. I guarantee it. You won't have TIME to be lonely because when you have something that you feel passionate about that you are working towards, you won't need much more. And if you have loving kids and friends … (read more)
I know how you feel. I was married to two narcissistic men. My second husband left me to back to his ex wife. Seven months later he begs to come back. I caved and took him back and vowed I would work really hard to make this relationship work. A few years later he hooks up with a girl and leaves again, only this time we lost everything and I was forced to start over. I felt worthless and began to doubt myself. I have lots of friends including his that have helped me get through this. I still have a close relationship with his family. You need to focus on you. When you start to feel down go do something, a walk in the park, a change of scenery does wonders. You have to be happy with who you are. Learn to forgive - it won't be easy but you will feel better in the long run. There is a website called meet up.com. It will give you a chance to meet and do things with people who have the same interest. It has been two years for me and I still have my moments. Keep the faith it will all work out. Remember to love your self. You are stronger than you think … (read more)
Hang in there! Everyone here says 'it gets better' but what I think happens is without the contact, going to a counselor, you actually begin to gain perspective, face the hard truth of what he is, always was. Somehow you must accept the brutality of it, the reality of if. I now recognize the things in me that made me vulnerable to the narc, but the good news is I am capable of insight, change, and growth, and I thankfully escaped! He is someone else's problem now. I am more in touch with me and whom I am without the raging oppression of the narc weighing heavily upon me. Give yourself time, maintain absolutely no contact in any way, find a good counselor, and learn what taking care of you really means. Like many of us here, you have endured a living hell, but that is over now, it takes time to adjust. It is time to leave it behind and walk away … (read more)
There were nights that I was lying on the floor in the bathroom crying and wishing that I could die, because I just couldn't take the pain anymore and then I felt a change in my mind. I thought, "NO! This can not go on like this because then he wins." At that point I chose to reframe everything in my mind. Now I do not feel sad as much as happy that he is out of my life. I do not blame myself for loving him and over looking all the red flags, but I will not continue to love him and over look his abuse. I didn't look after myself, because I was always looking after him and I knew that had to stop and I needed to nurture myself. I had no control over my living situation with him, but I could make my new space as girly and lovely as I could now. You get what I mean? You have to dig deep, then even deeper to get your life back, to get your groove back. You deserve happiness, we all do. We all make mistakes and you get back up off the floor and do better. I pray you stop all the negative self talk, I pray you get the strength to get yourself off that floor, I pray you learn to forgive and love yourself. I pray you will be your own best friend. You can do it, one day at a time, baby steps … (read more)