Inspiration, Encouragement & Strength
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Encouraging Words From Your Peers

Excerpts from Our Community to You

Give yourself time.  In the mean time, focus on you and not on him.  Treat him like a drug and detox.  Even if someone tries to tell you about his life tell them you would rather not hear about it unless it threatens your life, health, or well being.  Find out what in you attracts narc type men and begin to fix it.  Pray a whole lot and ask Jesus to lead and guide you. Not saying that there is anything wrong with you but you mentioned that you had two narcs so there is a pattern going on.  I heard someone say that we should be as kind and generous to ourselves as we are to others.  Treat your self-well because you deserve it.  So sorry you had to lose your home in the process.  It seems that you were more invested in the relationship than he was.  Follow the man's lead in the relationship next time … (continue reading)

Learn to live alone was the biggest thing for me, and learning to trust that you are whole, that is hard after years of abuse.  Therapy helped me greatly allowing me to get out of my own head and have an objective third party.  Why did it happen?  You can be smart well educated, but still have a big gaping hole in the relationship arena.  Is it family of origin?  Doesn't really matter, you had things to learn about yourself, what you would deal with what you couldn't?  And you needed to learn the hard crappy way, but you will come out the other side stronger, more self aware and happy in your own skin.  At peace!  Good luck to you.  Please remember that you will get through this and will be happy .. (continue reading)

There is NOTHING lacking in you.  You were NOT an enabler.  You didn't stay because anything was wrong with you.  You weren't stupid not to see, and you weren't weak. You were NOT codependent. If anybody suggests that, he is wrong. He did not want you to know.  He hid himself, that creature with the face, because he needed you.  He recognized you for what you indeed are: Loving, Loyal, Forgiving. He knew you would give him the benefit of the doubt.  You wouldn't hide your vulnerabilities, so he could see and use them!  He was subtle.  He was cunning.  He worked to undermine your self-reliance, to make you question yourself, and to increase your attachment to him.  Please do not fault yourself.  What you are feeling as "wrong" is the aftermath of abuse: yep, there are structural changes in your brain.  I felt it too.  Some of us have an odd form of PTSD.  You learn to be afraid, your body learns.  It's not forever; you will rediscover you and heal.  But you and I will also be forever changed.  Innocence and trust lost, but it's OK to take time to put you back together again.  Giant HUG  (continue reading)

I also try to reframe things.  I never say I am devastated, because if I say that then I will believe that and act that way.  I try to reframe thing in a positive way; instead of I am alone, I say I am free.  I try not to buy into all the sad things about breaking up, but look at all the great things about not having to put up with him and his moods and abuse anymore.  I do hate having to have contact with him, but I am trying to say to myself, "This is another time you can show him what you are made of, that he has no power over you, that you are stronger then him."  So I sort of make it a game, to be one step ahead of him, to be wiser, to only deal with him about the kids, to smile, to hold my head up high.  To always take the high road and not feed into any drama.  It is true what you said we can be our own worst enemies, we just have to get our thinking straight, which is all part of learning and becoming better people.  We have the power now, to change our lives into something wonderful.  We can be single and fabulous and empowered and wonderful examples for our children and other women who are stuck in sad, unhappy, unfulfilling marriages.  We are not broken, just knocked down and we are just rising again … (continue reading)

Sorry you are going through this, but you need to get your affairs in order.  I don't know where in the world you live put you need to start making copies of bank accounts, putting money aside and preparing yourself.  Whatever you do, don't let him know what you are doing - this is the time to protect yourself.  I had to go to counseling, see a lawyer, set money aside, get copies of everything and prepare for what I knew was going to happen.  I am sorry to say but your husband is most likely looking for a new women.  My first husband did the same.  Started to work out, go tanning, listening to younger music, buying new clothes.  It is a sign.  One day mine was playing happy family with me, and the kids, and the next day he was "off on a business trip" with her.  Now you have to start thinking about yourself and what you are going to do with your life.  You really need to do it quick and smart.  Let on nothing to him, because they can be very nasty if you do.  You need to protect yourself as much as you can.  Arm yourself with knowledge about the laws and what you need to do.  Be strong and know that you are not alone … (continue reading)