Inspiration, Encouragement & Strength
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You have experienced the trauma of divorce. As with any trauma, it takes time to recover. It is a life-changing event. You are taking steps, such as joining the church, to meet new people and socialize. Good for you for doing that. You also have the extra pain of his family being "your family". I too was in the same situation once and it increases the losses tenfold. Lost and out of place in a new environment is completely normal, but yes uncomfortable initially. They are all experiences that make us feel like a fish out of water. That will pass in time so persevere! Perhaps try and allow yourself some pleasure time during each day like reading or cooking or whatever you enjoy without thinking about the past; just an hour or two. Encourage yourself and be your own best friend because you will always be able to depend on you! It is a process and as cliché as it sounds it does get easier.
What is good that is coming out of this is with this and many other blogs that I am reading is that I'm not alone in this pain, and neither are you. I read all the other comments and you have given my hope the pain will eventually get better. I have also discovered the love of family and friends that I didn't know existed and many people have now shared that "he was not ever good enough for me." I only wish they told me sooner! Yes, we are devastated, hurt to the core, and changed permanently, but I believe we WILL come out of this better in the end. Unfortunately, we have to go through this to get there, and, as for our ex partners? Well, I agree they will be worse off. Hang in there! We will get through this together! You are in my prayers too ... (continue reading)
Hang in there. It's good you have found a Therapist who sees through the charade of your Ex. I too started to see a psychologist after my 'narc' told me to "go see a psychologist to sort yourself out, so when you come back, you're better" whenever I disagree with him. I'm glad I did. What I want to share with you is, you're not alone. We are all in the same place. You don't have to revisit his words anymore. By doing that, you're hurting yourself. Reach out to old friends and new. You need people who will support you, people who will tell it to you straight, and put you in your place when again, you are mouthing off words your 'Narc' has told you - 'you are (usually wrong)' or 'you do wrong.' Be strong for your children, but be stronger for yourself. Lastly, rant if you must. Cry if you need to release the pent up emotions. It's going to be ok. Honestly, I’m writing to let you know there really is light at the end of the tunnel. I was not even sure I'd survive after the divorce would be finalized. It did after 2 years of pure hell, but I can seriously say I'm in a better place ... (continue reading)
There is hope, but it takes time. I know you are sick of hearing that, but it takes time. We can't understand why they feel no remorse because we could never do that to another human being so of course we can't understand. As days go by you will find yourself smiling and realize hey, it's been half a day and he never entered my mind. You will start to find joy in small things, and then you will be so proud because you did something you weren't sure you could do. It's hard, just enough money to pay bills, but nothing left over, even sometimes for food. Despite that, you find a way because there is no way in this world that you will fail because of him. You are the better person, and you can rise above. One night you will realize you fell asleep not wishing he were there. There will be set backs and yes it hurts like hell but you will survive. Friends are godsends, and family is always there. I have been divorced now for several years, and sometimes it's still very hard and heartbreaking, but those times are shorter. I still think about him everyday, but I will not let him destroy the life I am trying to build for myself. Please don't give up. There is a light at the end of the long tunnel ... (continue reading)
Have hope! You will heal. That is exactly how I felt a year ago. What you are feeling right now is "normal", but it won't last. You will become stronger and so much better if you let yourself. Embrace the emotions because that is helping you heal. I kept my friends and family close. They were a blessing and I found so many friends along the way. I also went to a counselor who helped me understand what I was feeling. Don't worry about him; just take care of yourself! I let the emotions come and if I needed to cry, I did. And now, a year later I feel so much better. It is a process and everyone is different on how they go through all of this. You will heal and be so much better! I will never be the person I was before the divorce, but I feel I am a much happier and stronger woman who can handle anything. Who wants to be with a person who doesn't care? You deserve more. You are stronger than you think ... (continue reading)