Inspiration, Encouragement & Strength
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Congratulations on finding the board and joining. Everyone here is incredibly supportive and can relate in many ways to what you're going through. I think the best thing to do is find a therapist. It can be temporary, but they will help you gain perspective, lose the guilt and build up your self-confidence. You did a very brave thing, maybe the hardest thing you've ever done in your life by leaving your husband. You just need some support. I think that would be an excellent gift to give yourself … (continue reading)
I am so sorry that it hurts so badly. Stay strong, it's going to be tough for a while. Someone on this site once told me the following and it resonated with me for a long, long while: "You never really get over someone who once meant so much in your life, you just learn to live without them because they have moved on and so must you." Just don't contact him. Every time you do you are taking a step backwards and will have to start all over again. I'll be thinking of you and sending you good vibes.
Some days you just HURT, and it seems like you can't breathe, or will never be better. Then, you have a good day and it seems as if it will all be ok; then back again. I'm tired of hurting, sometimes the scope of what my ex has done to me and our family just takes my breath away, but I know that eventually the pain will recede and go away, and as long as I was with him it just kept steadily increasing. We will survive. We will heal. We will be ok. How do I know this? Because of all the ones here who have; because we were the goodness, the strength, the glue in our marriages, and we took us with us. They were the stink, the problem, the hurt, the ugly, and they went with themselves. Sometimes when you take the trash out the odor lingers in the kitchen for a while, that's what we're experiencing, the lingering aftermath of the stench they brought to our lives. I hug you right now; I hurt for you my sister... (continue reading)
Forgive yourself and try again. No contact helps you to detox from him. You are drawn in for two reasons. 1. You are looking for reasons why it went the way it went, looking for closure, and looking for validation that you did the right thing. You did do the right thing and he will not be apologizing or admitting to any wrongdoing towards you. 2. You have been trying to please him for years. He rewards you every now and then for pleasing him. But for the most part he has demanded attention from you. You are so use to him being the center of your universe that you don't know how to live any other way. Detox from him. Live your life and be happy. Anyone who has lived with a narc knows that they can be very charming. That life with a narc is up and down. The ups don't last long but the ups are exciting. Stop living for the "up". It is addictive. Break the habit and go no contact until you get it right… (continue reading)
I still feel like this sometimes too, but if you do, he wins, so don't let that happen. We've given so much that our bucket is empty, and curling up inside our self doesn't let anything in. We've been deprived so much that we've lost the ability to receive, because we've given up the hope that we WILL receive. You won't receive anything from him, but you will receive from us. Much love to you right now! Wish I could hold your hand, hug you, and buy your dinner. Wish I could tell you jokes and make you laugh. Wish I could listen while you tell your story and know that I get it and care. You will heal. You will live again. They tried to get everything, but we all survived...and the sweet things of life will begin to filter back in in increasingly bigger streams if we just don't give up. Make a cup of tea, smile, and remind yourself how sweet the revenge is if he ever sees you out truly happy, head back laughing uproariously, or looking into the eyes of a man who truly ... (continue reading)