Inspiration, Encouragement & Strength
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You have been an inspiration to all of us on this site. We all know what you are feeling as we have all been there ourselves. You are a very strong women and it will all work out for you! The exes proclaim to be happy, but deep inside they are just as troubled as they were when they were with us. As everyone has mentioned, the OW will soon find out what your ex is really like, it's only a matter of time. The right man will come along as well, just give it time. God has a plan for each and every one of us and we must continue to hold our heads high, and think positive through it all, as it will get better ...
Fear is more fear than anything else. Take a deep breathe. I bet your two year old is your “everything.” You will live a long and happy life and not be alone. Fear is irrational. Don't listen to your fears. Your future has not been written yet. He does not have your best interest at heart nor your son’s. You have family support. I am sorry he broke his promises to you and is mean to you. It is hardest in the beginning. But it gets easier to navigate and fear becomes less when more is settled. (((Hugs))) honey. It is time for a good long cry and then some action. Your son will need you and that is very nice to have him.
DO NOT LOSE the memory of how you felt before he left. For me it was not good. Be honest, write everything down that you can remember feeling, and then ask yourself if it was REALLY better. Don't get stuck in the familiar. We all want to be in a familiar space. It feels better to be attached than unattached. But that doesn't mean it was the right place to be. Write everything down as to what was bothersome or upsetting about your relationship and what was good. There's always good. It's easier to remember that. Your heart is looking for something happy to hold on to. You need to remember the things bad, then decide to create some good things for yourself for your heart to hang on to. Once you do that it will get easier. Right now you need to find your crown. It isn't easy, tip toe if you must, but keep moving forward.
You are still in the great abyss. You are on step one: get divorced. You are sitting around waiting, but next year you will get things done. This year is the year that I like to call "the lost year." Just regroup every day and try and cross things off your list. You don't need to be efficient and perfect. Shoot for good enough. You can be perfect and efficient sometime later. Putting energy into a paycheck is always good. You'll get there when you get there. You'll love tomorrow and tomorrow is tomorrow. Enjoy your show and your "me" time. You are still in the phase where you need to forgive yourself often.
Letting go just takes time. For me missing him (or the fantasy he promised anyway) stopped after about six months. They put on a great mask for us in the beginning and THAT'S what we fell in love with, NOT the real man hiding underneath, cause that guy is selfish. Once it really sinks in that the man you thought he was isn't even real, it'll become easier to let him go. That was just a mask he used to lure you in but he couldn't maintain it long term. You loved him and you committed yourself to him. Loving and missing your husband doesn't make YOU broken or co-dependent or anything else. It makes you a loving and loyal wife. Cut yourself some slack and keep up the good work. You are right where you need to be (even though it hurts like hell right now) and you are doing exactly what you need to do to heal ... (continue reading)