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Divorce Doctor

Get healthy divorce advice from our in-house specialist.  Whether you need tips on choosing a mediator or you want an expert's opinion on post-divorce parenting, she has answers for your most troubling questions.  Ask away, the doctor is in!

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Dear Pam,
 
My ex and I have some friends in common. One of them is getting married and we are both invited to the wedding. I heard through the grapevine that he is bringing his new girlfriend. Apparently, she is gorgeous. I am still single. To be honest, I’ve gained ten pounds since we broke up six months ago. I’m working on that, but the wedding is only a month away and I feel blah. I don’t really want to go to the wedding, it’s depressing, but I don’t want to let my friend down. I don’t even have a plus one. I know that I am just going to be spending the evening glaring at my ex and his new girlfriend, and that will just make me look pathetic. My friend suggested taking a fake date to the wedding. She says that there are rent-a-boyfriends online. 
 
Fake it until you make it
 

Dear Fake it, 

Don’t worry about ten pounds when you’ve already lost about 200 pounds of dead weight. Revel in your single life instead of viewing it as a negative. Are you still interested in your ex and trying to make him jealous? If that is the case, hiring a fake date might do it, or your pretend boyfriend could be a complete embarrassment, which will make you feel even worse. The fake boyfriend scenario may work in movies, but in real life it can be a disaster. You’ll know he is a fake, even if no one else does. Craigslist is not the place to find a man for any occasion. 

Being single doesn’t mean that you are desperate, so don’t act that way. “Fake it until you make it” may work in the office, but it doesn’t apply to relationships. If you really feel you need to explain your status to your ex, lie. Tell him that you couldn’t decide which of the new men in your life to bring and the invite said plus one, not plus three. 

This can be a wonderful time in your life if you allow yourself the freedom. Go solo or take a girlfriend. Don’t let bitterness ruin your day, or the bride’s. You are a guest, and your focus should be on her. Have a few drinks, just don’t get super drunk because that will only lead to weeping and unpleasantness. You could have an amazing time! Look on the bright side – you aren’t a bridesmaid, so you don’t have to wear some ill-fitting seafoam green frou frou. Get dressed up, but don’t overdo it by trying to look too sexy, that is just obvious. If the bouquet ends up in the hands of your ex’s girlfriend, shrug it off on the dance floor. 

            Image source: Seupost.netImage Courtesy of Seupost.net 

Dear Pam,
 
My husband and I are in the middle of separating. It’s amicable. We are more like friends then we ever were husband and wife. Sean is great, but he is a bit lazy. We were renting an apartment so there is no house to split. Everything has been divided up without a problem. Sean is very easygoing, but the only thing we can’t agree on is who gets our dog, Mr. Blubbs. We picked him out together about four years ago and we both love him. We don’t have any kids. Sean says we should have joint custody, which sounds great in theory, but I just see it as a way for him to stay tied to me. I don’t want to end up as friends with benefits, which is where I see us heading if we spend any time together. Sean thinks the fact that he spends all evening lying on the couch watching TV with Mr. Blubbs means that he is the most loved.  I am the one who feeds and walks that chunky little darling. (Mr. Blubbs, I’m talking about.)
 
Emily
 

Dear Emily,

We can learn a lot from dogs. Notice how they often seem to prefer the person that kind of neglects them? You feed and walk Mr. Blubbs, but he prefers to hang with Sean. Women do that a lot, we fall for the men who don’t take care of us the way that they should, emotionally speaking. Why not give joint custody a try? Dogs are a great intermediary. You have a good relationship with Sean, why not keep it that way? Set some boundaries for your new life. Sean can’t just show up anytime he wants. A dog is a wonderful companion, especially now that you are going to be alone, but you will make a new life for yourself. That means you may be going out on dates or trying new things. You don’t want to give up Mr. Blubbs because dogs help you meet new people, but on the other hand, if you keep the door open with Sean, you’ll have someone who can take care of Mr. Blubbs if you want to get away for a weekend.

The Divorce Doctor has a soft shoulder to cry on and a no holds barred approach to dealing with those nasty ex issues. No question is off limits. Email us today: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .

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1 comment

  • Comment Link sunset.loved Tuesday, 25 August 2015 16:19 posted by sunset.loved

    Dear Fake it until you make it,

    Be happy and proud of yourself to go single to a wedding. It shows that you are not insecure and you can stand on your own two feet. If your ex husband found a girlfriend after only 6 months he is the one who should be embarrassed because he is insecure. It also does not mean in any way that his life is any better than yours. You don't need to lie that you couldn't decide who to ask. It doesn't matter that you don't have a date.

    Ask girlfriends and close friends who will be there to help you out by letting you sit with them and hang out with them. Also, walk right up to your ex and his girl friend and introduce yourself. Be extremely friendly. It gives you all the power and makes you look really good to have that much confidence. If you sit and stare at them from across the room it just gives them reasons to talk poorly about you and criticize you.

    Most of all relax, have fun, rise above and limit the alcohol consumption. Weddings are really fun parties!

    I had the most fun I have ever had after separating from my husband. I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted and spend time with whomever I wanted!