Inspiration, Encouragement & Strength
join a community of support ›

Community Talk

Community Talk makes it easy for you to find relevant, informative articles from First Wives World's leading contributors, all in one place. All content is hand picked by First Wives World and covers a wide range of topics important to you.

Back to Article List

Filter Articles By:  

It never ceases to amaze me how we can all be going through the same thing in our lives, being married to a Narc, yet our circumstances and experiences can be so varied and in some instances, even “unrelatable”.

For example, I never, not for a nanosecond during the decades I was with my Narc, did I ever even have a fleeting thought that he could be cheating on me.  I admit I was naive, but in my own defense, I obviously didn't realize how skilled at being a Narc my ex-Narc truly was, but then those were the days when the word Narcissist wasn't even in my vocabulary. I look back at my 'then' ignorance as bliss. Of course I'm not proud of it, but it's just how I was and there's no changing the past.

I'm writing this blog because even through my own personal struggles I have shared, and still read, feel and deeply empathize with the struggles many of you are still going through, and all I could think to myself is how brilliantly amazing you all are. I say this because I didn't see how strong and brave I truly was when I was on my journey.  Just like so many of you. Like I've said before, it's all about 'perspective'.

What I did see was how focused, determined and insatiably unstoppable I was.

I did see that with every step forward I took, come hell or high waters, I was one powerful step closer to freedom! I saw it; I felt it. I knew it was within my grasp and so long as I focused and plowed through the worst of those days (which was pretty much every one of those days) that felt like I wanted to stop and drop, I didn't because my freedom was coming closer with 'literally' each and every step I took.

With each and every tear I cried. With each and every mini breakdown (kicking walls, pulling my hair, cursing and fighting with the higher powers that be) I had. And with each and every negative thought I acknowledged and then tossed right out of my head. We can't pretend what is really happening, isn't, but it's how we handle it that matters. Acknowledge it; process it however you need to then 'get rid of it'. Do not let it chain you down.

I received a beautiful gift from a FWW friend the other day. She shared, and we discussed a difficult situation she was having. She later thanked me profusely for helping her not only to get through her situation but also to rise above it!!! That was a gift to me because she it was so liberating and helpful for her. But truth-be-told, she did it all herself.  All I did was help her to take a step back and a deep breath. She was then able to view the situation objectively, to get a clearer perspective on what was already right in front of her but she was understandably too caught up in it to see what was right before her.

Well, let me tell you she got right back up stronger than ever.

I get shivers still thinking of how powerful she felt and how elated I felt for her! I joined FWW roughly 3 years ago) I was already at a point of desperation. I had family, but no one to really turn to. I had friends, but no one who could relate to me. There were people all around me but no 'unconditional' shoulder to lean on. I'm still on a journey because life itself is a journey, but my roads just aren't as rough anymore.

This FWW friend (and so, so very many of you) made me realize how easy it is to give so much, yet it takes so little when it come from the heart. When it comes from a place of love, compassion and purity. I truly love each and every member here because together we 'are' FWW. Every comment, every blog carries so much weight so while we always need to be honest, we need to speak with kindness.

Thank you to you all for all you give me.

Thank you to those who care and thank you to the one(s) who don't because in life, there is a lesson to be learned from everyone we come in contact with. Every lesson teaches us something. The ones we find most difficult to encounter are often the ones that make us so much stronger and that too is something to be thankful for. Thank you to all you beautiful FWW ladies! I am forever grateful for finding you. 

(originally posted by a member of our community)

Back to Article List

Leave a comment

1 comment

  • Comment Link Healing magic Thursday, 09 February 2017 00:43 posted by Healing magic

    What a heartwarming message to read attest struggling many nights to sleep, felt urge to come share my feelings. This got me see that Gdt 3.5 years of Nasty divorce proceedings with ex narc whilst living in same house, now 6 months divorce and no contact - I truly have been strong. Yet I dread how he will react when older one will ask for university help that he agreed in court order but not any amount. I am spending all wages to keep house going. Have to build my girls confidence. I don't diss their father so they don't lose hope but I do get scared as narc won't magically change. I have been naive too long. Do miss the innocence and bliss in me. Just don't want him to have more kids nor ignore my kids. Also don't want him to teach them to disregard me. I know I cN only do what I can do. Yet with these fears in me, knowing you all relate to the fears that others may feel irrational Is so comforting. Thank you for reminding me of my strength and also any tips to how to not be anxious for ex dreaded reactions as such gat was my past for 20 years but I get stuck. Would love to be unstuck now. Wish you all healing and joy.