This will be my final blog about this gnawing, persistent issue that has become nothing more than that annoying fly you just can't seem to get out of the house until one day you realize that it's just gone.
You have choices. I have choices. I feel stronger and more empowered day by day. I have to say that my sense of self-worth and confidence are just becoming more evident in my life these past several weeks. I know well enough that 'wanting' to feel that way is not enough. It has to come from a place deep within. The journey to freedom from a Narc is nothing less than debilitating, stressful and overwhelming and while one is 'in it' it seems like life will never be whole again. Like 'we', will never be whole again. You know that is just your fear talking, but it is still very real. But when you are in the eye of the storm trying to navigate your way through the cyclone that is thrashing you about mentally and emotionally, it's impossible to see the light while your world feels so dark. It's a long and rocky road, but it definitely smooths out the further along you travel.
I used to think that once I was free from my Narcissistic Sociopath, my life would be smooth sailing.
But I've learned that there will always be something we have to deal with, something that might have seemed insignificant in comparison to life with a Narc. Things and situations can be dealt with a lot easier than people. Especially when it's people who you know are going to be in your life, to whatever extent who will not want to see you happy, not want to see you thrive, not want you to achieve all the good that comes your way. Competitive people. People who feel threatened by you for whatever reasons consume them. One of the few joys in my life is my passion to motivate and inspire FWW members. I'm no different than any single one of you, but we are not clones, so in that way I 'am' different.
Every comment, every blog comes from my heart, my journey, and my experience. I don't post websites or list books so everything comes from deep within. I know what I lived and what worked for me. I also know I'm not an exception to the rule; I'm just not that special. However I'm so fortunate to have found my light, my freedom, and my peace. For all the thousands upon thousands of women in this world who are searching for freedom from a Narcissist, there must be one or two out there who could benefit from my experience, my words, my advice so I won't, I can't stop being a part of this wonderful site that helped me get to where I am today.
If/when I offer advice revolving around circumstances I have not personally encountered that I believe could be helpful, I always and unequivocally state that those words, are just 'my opinion'. And you can re-read just about all my comments/blogs to see for yourself how many times I've said "only in my opinion". I do not profess to know it all or know more than anyone else. Personally, I don't believe that a book or a website (or two or three) has the answer to our problems. That's "just my opinion". If you read all the books, view all the YouTube’s and websites, you can certainly condense it and see the commonalities that could be of great value.
My life is better, richer and more peaceful than it's been in many decades.
But at least in my life, I find that people who can relate to me, people who have walked in my shoes, people who can empathize is where I get the greatest knowledge and advice that helps me in my life and situations. I have done a great deal of introspection these past several weeks. I know my imperfections, my shortcomings and weaknesses, but I am also learning that I can, that I am allowed to acknowledge my positive attributes and strengths as well. Some days I feel invincible. Other days I'm not so strong, but what I do know is that my life is more peaceful than it's been in a long time. More than a few times I've mentioned these mini-miracles that happen in my life. I had (what I consider) one this morning.
I was watching a YouTube of someone I absolutely respect and adore a great deal. She spoke about how someone in her life, albeit not very close in relation, consistently gnaws at her. Lies in waiting for her. Her reaction, her response was a gift, a mini-miracle because it gave me clarity, understanding and insight that I truly needed, when I needed it most. That's why I call it a mini-miracle. Something I was grateful for and I thanked her for it. She said publicly to the person who spends so much time and energy trying to break her down, "Thank you". She said for all the time they try to hurt, demean, insult or take away what they see as her accomplishments or power, she said "Thank you".
She went on to say, have you ever noticed how people who think so little of you generally just ignore you? How they have no time for you. How you are invisible to them. But the more time they invest in you, the more they (her words) stalk you, the more they are in 'your' life, the more they want to be like you, to some degree. The more they feel you have certain attributes, accomplishments, qualities they secretly wish they had. She referred to the person in her life that is obsessed with her as her #1 Fan. It makes perfect sense. They just can't let go and move on. While you're just living your life, they're so consumed with you that they're not living their own life to the fullest.
They just have way too much on their hands. You become a part of their life. An addiction, a habit they just can't kick. They need to break you down to make themselves feel better. It's human nature for insecure people to do those things. That's typically a bully, many of which are Narcissists themselves. I stumbled onto this 'gift' this morning, from out of the blue and hence was able to put things into perspective. To all of you who have a relative, friend, sibling, co-worker or a FWW member whose mission, for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with who you are, gets pleasure out of 'infecting' your life, don't let them. They have issues they need to deal with. It's not about you. You're the one going about your life while they're so busy keeping an eager eye on you.
Never believe that you are less than anyone else.
Know who you are. Know your strengths, acknowledge your weaknesses, and believe in your self-worth and contribution in this life. Be who you are no matter what because there will always be someone who doesn't like you. Be the person you can be proud of. I said earlier that I'm no different than any of you, but I realize that there may be a smidgen of untruth to that. "I" have a # 1 Fan. How many of you can say the same? And to my #1 Fan, all I can say is THANK YOU! Thank you for making me such an integral part of your life:)
Originally written by a community member here at First Wive's World — a supportive community that cares deeply about your experiences. Register today to share stories about your struggles and victories during divorce.