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The following is what I have learned in the last three months about my post-divorce self.

I am beautiful.  Not Cosmo beautiful but I am unique and beautiful.

I am resourceful. Yes food has just become a medicine that keeps me off of medicine.  I can handle the air being off.

I am not perfect and that is more than okay.  I am not supposed to be perfect, perfect people are boring.

My outlook on life is funny and entertaining.

I like music and it is finally back in my life.

I am not a perfect Mom and that is okay.  My son now laughs and sings more when we are home. Now it isn't just my responsibility to make sure everything is done it is my son's responsibility as well.

I don't need to be taking drugs for anxiety.  If I am angry, I am just that angry.  If I am sad, I am sad.  If I am happy then I am happy.  If I am nervous I stop and look around and find out why.

I am not here to please anyone and I do not have to answer for being who I am.  My contract is with God and his wonderful universal creation.  He made me; therefore I do not have to change for anyone except myself.

I like flowers; so once a week I made a promise to myself to spend 5-10 on flowers for myself.  

Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business.

I sat down a few months ago and decided to do a little soul searching, and this is what I discovered.  Fear of the unknown has held me hostage.  I went through all my what ifs and answered them all.

What if I loose the house?  Answer:  I will find another place to live.  I have lived in my car before and survived.

What if I get laid off?  Answer: I will find another job; I will probably find something better.

What if I get sick?  Answer: I will get better or I will die, either way it is a mute point.

What if no one likes me?  Answer:  I have two beautiful sons and friends I did know I had and I talk to the god that made me every day.  I am not alone and they all love me for who I am.

What if the power goes off?  Well I know how to cook on a fire and I know how to make fire.

What if my ex gets married?  Who cares, it is none of my business and I am not expected to buy a gift anyway.  Double bonus.

What if my house is dirty?  If you are coming over to see my house then you can clean it to your standards.  I will talk to you when it meets your standards.

What if my car breaks down?  I am smart and I will fix it. YouTube rocks.

What if the water heater or HVAC goes out?  I will fix it, if not I will make sure I have an emergency fund set up.  Amazing how 5-10 dollars a week builds up.

What if I make someone mad?  Is it something I could have done differently then I will apologize and make amends.  If it is something I had no control over then they will get over themselves eventually.

What if I fail?  Well it took me several months of falling down before I could walk.  Secret is getting back up and trying again.  I am good at picking myself up.

What if I am not good enough?  I am Enough.

20-plus years of trying to make things better for someone else has taught me something really important.  Unless that person is a helpless child then I am not responsible to make someone else happy.  I am responsible for my children and myself when our needs are taken care of I will/can help others, if I feel moved to do so.

One last tidbit:  all of the things I worry about I give it energy to come about.  Where are you putting your energy?

Order of Operations: Love yourself. Love your children. Show gratitude for all the wonderful things that happen everyday.  Forgiveness.  Everyone is human and therefore we all make mistakes and have moments of stupidity.  Forgiveness isn't for them as much as it is for you. Accept compliments and help when it is offered.  If help is offered chances are someone thinks enough of you to want to help lift you up. You are a wonderful person, give back when opportunity arises. Compliments are free; find something to make someone else feel good about themselves. This is your life; it does not belong to anyone else.  You are the one in control of this ship so sail on, the ocean is wide, choose your destination, open the sails and move forward.

Written by a community member here at First Wive's World — a supportive community that cares deeply about your experiences. Register today to share stories about your struggles and victories during divorce.

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4 comments

  • Comment Link Clarity6871 Tuesday, 08 August 2017 17:00 posted by Clarity6871

    I am not perfect and that is more than okey.

    I am resourceful and that is useful to the community.

    I am beautiful and Unique we are not all the same. I enjoyed reading The Love you think you've lost: How to heal my lonely heart.

  • Comment Link BiancaRose1983 Monday, 05 December 2016 02:36 posted by BiancaRose1983

    Thank you for sharing this with your readers! I am sure there are so many out there who can relate and empathize (including myself).It is so wonderful to read such inspirational words. No one expects to get divorced but it happens, a lot. Rebuilding yourself afterwards is oftentimes harder than the divorce itself. This really reminded me of a book that was recommended to me called, "The Accidental Divorcee" by Laura Scott. It is a unique guide on grieving and tapping into the healing power within yourself so that you can move on. I also thought it was particularly unique because it is written from both the perspective from the leaver and the person who was left. After reading this I felt recharged and I have been telling everyone about it. I really hope you and your readers will check it out. Good luck to all during this difficult time.

  • Comment Link Cindy roth Wednesday, 30 November 2016 16:01 posted by Cindy roth

    Wow that's truly amazing I so admire your courage and commitment thanks for the inspiration

  • Comment Link Lunar2015 Tuesday, 08 November 2016 18:18 posted by Lunar2015

    I'm going to print this out and put it in my journal. You make excellent points, especially about taking care of myself and my kids before even thinking to help someone else. Love it. You go girl!