Thank you sweet ladies, friends, and fellow warriors. Each one of you given me such great of wisdom. Most importantly, I did not feel alone when each time I read the through responses you all share here. It feeds my soul to say how I am feeling and have a world of people who GET IT. I do not rejoice that you are in this with me because that means you have experienced abuse and pain. The joy is in being seen and understood.
You all get me. We all get each other.
I love my friends and family, but there is only so much they can understand, and it is not their fault or burden to carry. You Get ME. I don't feel like a psychopath on here. My stories sound a bit less crazy, my head spins a little slower when I read your responses to my pain and searching: "I could have written this myself", "I completely get you", and then healing, encouraging words of truth: "Dwelling on the past prolongs suffering"," like a prisoner of war, tired, battle weary, a little jaded and then one day the war is over and we are released, out into the light," ask Him daily, "God, please help me honor this day as the gift that it is."
Be grateful for every blessing. The fact that you reach down and put your shoes on in the morning even though your back may hurt in the process or your arthritic fingers have a hard time with the laces. At least you have the ability to have pain and have feet upon which to wear shoes. May God bless us all! "I have accepted all the emotions that keep coming in, but I choose to ride the waves of emotions. I choose which ones get to hang around me. There are those sneaky rip tides and do pull me under, but I'm a swimmer. I get my bearings and swim upward.
Remember, you are most excellent! You were created by God.
His fingerprints are all over you! Choose to be happy! I know you can do it! You're a WOMAN!!!!!!" "Someday we will be past this...we have to believe that, it's easy to fall in to despair, but then you have you, the person that survived him, the person that stands in front of your kids, the parent that didn't leave, the person that didn't give up."
And so tonight I get to quote my friends, my friends and family, on FWW. I can come here and spill my guts and heart on the page and soon read, "you ponder things familiar to me". This is a safe place. The world hasn't felt safe in a long time. I feel like a fox cowering in the woods waiting for the dogs and hunter. Everyone is the enemy. My mom always told me, Honey, trust is painfully made and easily broken. Right now, I will trust God and He can work on the rest.