I got lost somewhere. I keep trying to retrace my steps, but it’s hard to remember exactly where I took that first wrong turn. I just kept telling myself that if I kept going, I would end up in the right direction. There were times that I knew I was really lost.
A sudden panic would take over, like when I would swim in the ocean as a little girl. I would get swept up by the waves and the tides and come out and not see my mother before me. My heart would start to pound as I scoured the beach looking, that panicky lost feeling.
Other times, I just kept going forgetting that I was lost. Similar to driving long stretches then suddenly realizing you haven't really been paying attention to the road. How is that even possible? But it is and people do it all the time.
So here I am trying to figure out where I'm going. I'm trying to remember who I am. The fact that I got lost isn't important anymore. It’s this journey I'm on that matters. This time I'm going to pay attention to signs. This time I'm going to ask for directions. I'm going to trust my instincts. And this time, little by little, I'm going to get there.
We are each a house of four rooms.
I read somewhere that we are each a house of four rooms, a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. We are supposed to enter each room everyday in order to be a complete person. If that is so, I am locked in my emotional room. The act of betrayal, the process of divorce, the stress of my uncertain future weighs heavy on me. For now I exist in this room, trying to find ways to break the lock that binds me.
My emotional room can be very dark at times. I have noticed that as I begin to allow myself to feel again, it becomes lighter. As I begin to focus on what I need to do for myself, the sun streams in through the windows. As I regain my power and my strength, I begin to select the things I want to keep, and purge the ones I don't. While in this process, I come across something I thought I had lost. I smile. I found a key.
Sometimes the act of getting lost becomes the path to finding your way.
There are many paths; paths to heaven, success, happiness. If that’s the case, what do you do when you figure out you're on the wrong one? Perhaps your path has been obstructed from an unforeseeable obstacle. How do you handle a path that has led to a dead end?
You just keep going. If it’s an obstacle, find a way to overcome it. Figure it out. Climb over, go under, and get around it. Realize that an obstacle is just an opportunity for you to do things differently than what you have been accustomed to doing. Dead ends can make you change direction or forge new paths. Sometimes getting lost leads to the path to finding your way.
I'm forging a new path. I'm following my instincts this time. Like little breadcrumbs, they're leading me. When I'm unsure, I patiently wait. The universe will provide.
Down the rabbit hole.
Before Alice found Wonderland she had to fall down a deep dark hole. I liked that. It made me smile because that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm free falling (cue Tom Petty song) my way to Wonderland. I didn't exactly stumble and fall, or slip and fall. I was pushed, shoved, forced to go down that big dark hole.
At first, I hated that dark hole. It was scary. Where the hell was I going to wind up? What was it going to look like? What would I tell people? What would I do? But I had nothing else to focus on but my "falling.”
I learned how to handle the dark. I decided I would only wind up exactly where I wanted to go. I would tell people the truth because I don't like to lie. I would do anything and everything that suited my fancy. It was my call.
At some point, I began to notice a change. I had stopped falling. I could see light; things were becoming clearer and clearer. I had made the choice to leave Wonderland and the Mad Hatter behind. I chose freedom.
(originally posted by a community member)