I remember the immense pain when I lost my brother at a very young age, and my Father not shortly thereafter; and my mother a little later in life. It was all so Intense and horrific. One to an accident and two to long, long, ENDLESSLY long terminal illnesses.
Then came the divorce. I wished more than anything that it could be a death because death is so RIGHT NOW. You face it, you deal with it, and they are no longer answering their phones. HE tried to ruin me. None of my family members had done that. He played with my emotions. None of my family members had done that. He took our friends aside and spread the nastiest of rumors that I did not hear because I was locked away in my room grieving.
Death would have been so much easier.
I could go outside and feel the sorrow of my friends as they came to spread a mantle of love over me. Instead I had odd looks and pointing fingers. Instead of pride and loss I felt humiliation and the theft of who I was. It would have been so much easier. I prayed for it to happen so I could emerge from this fog intact, untouched, and strong.
But when it all fell down I had no choice other than to stand tall and believe in myself. If I was the only one who KNEW what had really happened, that had to do. I could not rely on anyone but me so I was determined to do it with dignity. I held my head high, I met eyes; I carried myself with a false sense of self-worth. I had told my children a million times to 'fake it till you make it' and to visualize the rosy future, now I had to put those words into practice. I put him away in my mind. I refused to react to the barbs, the jabs, the rumors. I carried myself as though I was the Queen of the Universe and I started to believe in myself. It felt amazing.
My revenge is the sweetest in the world.
Death is too good for him. My revenge is living well, living independently, knowing that I have done it with integrity and a strength that I didn't know I had (and that he never imagined to be part of me.)
I am elatedly happy. He is nothing to me but an irritant when he tries some slick move with one of the kids, who see right through him. I gave him respect, I still do. I gave him the benefit of any doubt because that is what I would do with any stranger. I cut off all emotional ties to him because he is not good enough for my emotions. I no longer hate him because to hate him, I'd have to love him. He is the father of my children, but aside from being a sperm donor of excellence, he is a void. It is good.
Let it go. You don't have to prove anything to him, only to yourself. Now that you've achieved all of those wonderful things you need to stop, take deep breaths and look within. THAT is where you will find the key to moving on.
Find your peace.
(originally written by an FWW community member.)