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Throw in the occasional box of tissues and maybe a glass of wine and this site will always be a soft blanket for me to cuddle up in. Depending on the time of day, FWW might feel like a pajama party. Some days it's where I come to cry or where I settle in for my therapy session. It's where I get heartfelt advice, encouragement and a dozen shoulders to lean on. Sometimes it's that thumbs up telling me I did good getting to where I am today. And if I've learned a thing or two on my own personal journey, then hopefully I can give back/offer a little encouragement or simply a morsel of advice that helps someone through their journey or simply give them that nudge that helps them to better cope with their rough day. But isn't that what we're all here for?  

My husband was served recently. I don't know if he will sign within the allotted time (thinking positive), but I stated that if he does, I would still and always be connected to FWW. FWW is everything I needed and I'm not too proud to say that when my divorce is finalized (whenever that might be), my intention, my absolute desire is to maintain my bond with FWW.  I was motivated to write this entry because of another bloggers' response to my own personal desire/choice to stay connected with all of you.  She told me that I would have to move on. She said, "They will all leave eventually" and "You have to leave or you are "stuck".

There are so many women on this site who are divorced and still stayed connected to FWW.

Some women choose to leave FWW. That is their choice. Pointe finale. We wish them well and they ride off into 'their' sunset.  I read so many blogs from women who are now divorced, some for many years who are still members and still share their stories here and now on FWW. Are they all 'stuck'? Some find they can walk down the street years later and having a memory trigger an unwanted emotion. Some bump into a person they associated with when they were with their ex. Maybe an ad for a vacation spot triggered an emotion or feeling about an ex. A piece of furniture we took with us when we moved out might remind us daily. What about meeting someone with the same name as the ex. 

There will always be something that triggers a memory or emotion but that doesn't mean we have to run for the hills to escape/erase everything and anything that is/was associated with them. Why am I am 'supposed' to say good-bye to the women who supported me through my rough times and share my life through the better times? Do I have to do what other women on FWW do to be able to live 'my' life post narc or am I going to do what feels right for 'me'?  Am I 'stuck' if I feel 'you' women are the best friends and support I never got from my family and/or personal friends? Am I 'stuck' if I feel that I have something to offer 'some' women whose circumstance might benefit from my experiences? Am I 'stuck' if I know for a fact that I will always have triggers, memories, experiences that bring my STBX to mind? Isn't that 'normal' for all, or at least most of us?

if I'm going to be 'stuck', this is a darn good place to be because this is where my life changed and with the people who helped me change it.

I think I'm being honest with myself. I'm not so naive to think that when /if he signs on the dotted line, I'm 'healed'. Most of all, is 'my therapist' wrong to tell me that if I find solace and positive energy and feedback from women on this site with whom we share all our experiences, then 'stuck' is hardly the word to label it. "Lucky" is the word my therapist used. I did what I was told my absolute whole life and it was only when I finally took my life into my own hands and did what I needed to do, made my own decisions, followed the path I chose that I have finally found peace of mind and freedom in my life. Who would I be if I travelled this road from the age of 4 only to do what I am still told to do, what someone else tells me I'm supposed to do? But it's my choice. Am I 'stuck' if I admit I don't want to leave FWW for all the wonderful women I have met here, and even for those who don't necessarily have the same experiences or beliefs I do but have always offered their advice. We can agree to disagree. The bottom line is I've lost family and friends along the way due to life with my narc (and those before him). I don't want to lose FWW.

Just because I'm finally free from my narc does not mean I have to be free from FWW. Some people need to move on, to get un-stuck. Maybe it distances them from a time in their life they want or need to forget, or maybe just to close that chapter of their life. It's 'their' life and their choice and who is anyone else to judge or dictate what they should do. What many of us have in common is a relationship with a narc, but the details, circumstances, children/no children, physical and/or emotional abuses(s) are not carbon copies of each other.  I won't leave my therapist who has become a godsend in helping me cope with my struggles in life. FWW is the next best thing. Do what's right for you! If you make mistakes along the way, there's still a lesson learned. 

(Originally posted by a member of our community. You are never alone here. Join our private community and find support, love and tons of TLC).

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1 comment

  • Comment Link VictoriaC Wednesday, 22 June 2016 20:08 posted by VictoriaC

    I totally understand what you're talking about. I'm still with my narc, but there's something else that your post brings to my mind. My narc and I are both cancer survivors. We were blessed with early detection and great medical care. I'm 11 years out - 11 wonderful years in which I rarely think about that horrible disease. However, I do walk in the Survivor's Lap in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life every year. It's really important to me. It's the one time of year I allow myself to remember the fear, the pain, the destruction of my naïve belief that cancer can't happen to me. It's also the time to remember the people that helped me get through that horrible time in my life, how important seeing the survivors in that walk was to my belief I could beat that cancer. So now, I walk to remember, to be thankful that I'm not in that same place anymore and to be there to support the other people who are newly diagnosed or in treatment. They need to see I survived just as much as I needed to see other people had survived during that terrifying time.

    I think I'll probably stay here after I am "recovered" from my narc too. Not to stay "stuck" but to be there for the other ladies struggling to figure things out. Kind of like a narc survivors lap lol