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Why do some women feel the need to take over the married men and accept being the Other Woman?  I have known at least a couple of women that know the situation; they came across a married man at a club/bar, at work.  These women knew the man had a family and yet they don't seem to have the slightest regret on what they are doing.

I know in many cases, the man starts with a lie, but eventually they can't hide the wife, the family, the OW finds out and yet is ok with the married man staying married and just being that, the OW.  Some of these heartless women go on and have babies with them, accepting their life the way it is.

Just how does this keep happening?  How do you build your happiness over somebody else's' misery and heartache?  Do they ever stop and think about the children involved?  The many children that will forever have that scar and the memories of seeing Mom suffering and stressing over building a new life as a single parent.  Many of these kids go through depression themselves.  I just don't understand how any of these women are ok with this.

Is it a cold competition to them to see who wins the cheater/liar man trophy they proudly think they are getting?  There are no winners.  Is it jealousy for trying to get something they don't have?  Did this OW thought for a second they could walk in my shoes and be “me”?  The OW will NEVER be me.  They started off wrong to begin with, I did not have to hide my man, I was the woman the man proudly brings to his parents.

My STBX didn't cheat on me just once; he had many affairs until I got tired of it.  One of the women was even religious, always posting about being at church and was a single mother herself.  That particular affair didn't last particularly long.  I just don't understand, I would never put my eyes on a married man knowing that you are destroying a family, breaking a heart, and potentially destroying a marriage.

Another cold thought comes to my mind in these nights when I can't sleep. Is it that this time in the world we just live longer and marriage has just changed?  Can we even expect to live to 100 years old and stay with the same man?  I used to like to believe that was possible, that true love would survive. I just don't understand.

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10 comments

  • Comment Link Karrie Thursday, 19 May 2016 23:58 posted by Karrie

    I dont understand either ,I recently was cheated on by my husband with a woman who knew he was married and also knew our children . she is catholic and and a single mother ... She just didnt care . I have been struggling to understand how she could do that and how he could do that to me ... How can you cheat on someone you love ? Claim you still love them ?

  • Comment Link thingschange Sunday, 10 April 2016 14:04 posted by thingschange

    I will never understand. My husband had an affair with a woman who he met doing a play. She "played" his wife! She is 24 years younger than me and knew about me and the children from the beginning. I later saw emails she sent to my X early on saying how "She never in a million years thought she would ever be one of those women", yet she pushed onward, put thoughts of me aside, turned them into venom, moved in with my X forcing me to file for divorce. She does not care that he gives pittance toward their support. She does not want to let any extra money go to the children ever. Never encouraged my x to become a more supportive father. She simply cares about the 2 of them and nothing else. She doesn't care at all how difficult financially and emotionally my life has become as a single mother! Yes, of course my x husband is guilty of the same, but how a woman can so easily "screw" another woman is beyond me!And the topper? This woman went to Mass the entire time during their affair and went to Easter Mass last month! I find it so disgusting. She betrayed as much as he did. It takes two.

  • Comment Link Natty41 Wednesday, 30 March 2016 12:18 posted by Natty41

    I'm really struggling, after having an affair with my sons much trusted kindy teacher, and going through the hell of paternity tests for her pregnancy, the ex has now started a relationship with my ex flat are/friend/colleague of 15 years. We had lost touch for the last 5 years and then 3 mo this ago she moved to my suburb ... And if course you can guess what happened next. I just don't get it. Can anyone shed any light in why she would listen to his lies rather than be loyal to me? Or even check out what he's saying with me??? ( we both used to with in a donestic violence service). It's sending me crazy .

  • Comment Link Healing magic Monday, 28 March 2016 12:27 posted by Healing magic

    That sure is painful.
    I have had my ex narc been close to his much married gf from way before he married me, throughout he kept saying just Friends. I know he can't satisfy no one in bed n they don't sleep together but Her filtration didnt stop. She had hold on him in get togethers since she is marred to his aunt relative.

    I was humiliated for years but eventually stopped going to get togethers where OW present.

    Now kids go to his family events so she's still there but my kids don't know of the terrible baggage I have cause of her.

    Now I can't blame the ow alone but I sure don't get how they want to compete when they have their own marraige too?
    I am not the insecure jealous type but seeing her take over talk and me getting sidelined, it felt pathetic to fight her. I have a job but she doesn't.
    It was just so much pain for ex doing this and she being party to it.
    I can't ne sure who is to blame more but she does have some role to play.

  • Comment Link Allyoopz Saturday, 26 March 2016 13:44 posted by Allyoopz

    When the OW and I were "fighting" over my ex husband I kind of got to know her in a weird way, just through phone calls, never in person. At the time I absolutely hated her. She was so entitled and the things she'd say just made me want to strangle her. After she "won" and he left the kids and me to be with her I was a total jealous wreck for a solid year. At that celebratory year date she was planning to move in together and he dumped her cold. She'd left her young husband for mine only 8 months after they'd had their first child. She started seeing my ex when her baby was only 6 months old. Even my ex was telling her not to do do that for his sake because he knew he wasn't that serious about her. So, now a year later, her ex husband and his entire family hate her guts, and she's suddenly a single mother too. Just like me. Apparently, she flew into a drunken rage when he broke up with her and literally tried to claw out his throat. After all this, I had a really good first two weeks laughing at her (and his) misfortune until my compassion kicked in and I saw how she'd ruined her life for a man who didn't give two shits about her. I'd even tried to warn her but she was too busy "winning" to see him for who he really was. Now she's an alcoholic mess, getting arrested for assault and forgetting to pick up her son for visitation. She's clearly falling apart at the seams. I guess the moral of my story is that the women who do this aren't mentally healthy. They feel desperate. It doesn't excuse what they've done, but I think it stems from fear and weakness. That's why I am able to feel sorry for her now. I may not be rich, but I'm stable and responsible. My kids are healthy and well adjusted. They know how much they are loved and I know how much they love me too. I have wonderful friends and family in my life. She had to sit in the drunk tank overnight because she had no one to come pick her up and my ex, who started this whole mess in the first place, wants me back. She probably hates my guts, which will eat her up from the inside. I don't hate because that makes my stomach hurt. I hope, for that precious little boy's sake she can pull it together one day.

  • Comment Link Kasey Saturday, 26 March 2016 04:12 posted by Kasey

    I thank you so much for putting into words my feelings and thoughts exactly. You are so right that the OW knows about the wife and children;and I know of women that have said "what does his wife and children have to do with me. When we are together we are happy." It has been more than 10 years since he left and went with the OW then made her wife #2. She had been having an affair with him since our daughter was three and our son 11. I remember a "friend" telling me that I should not be upset with the OW because he went to her. I still can't get that excuse in my head. I have a firm belief that women who will stoop so low to be with a married man are really worthless human beings. I do not know if thee will ever be answer to that question in my life time and if there will ever be any justice for the hurt and destruction these OW's cause.

  • Comment Link GhostGirl Saturday, 26 March 2016 04:00 posted by GhostGirl

    I am not sure that there is such a thing as "romantic love". I believe in parental love, and lust and desire and loneliness, forever love - not so much. I think this is a fantasy that was created to sale romance novels and CD's filled with love songs.
    My STBX was lazy and sat in his comfy chair - surfed porn and went to Craigslist to find hookers. Nasty ones at that. Thank the LORD he didn't find me attractive enough to to reach out to me for 6 to 8 month before his arrest.

  • Comment Link GhostGirl Saturday, 26 March 2016 03:53 posted by GhostGirl

    I am not sure that there is such a thing as "romantic love". I believe in parental love, and lust and desire and loneliness, forever love - not so much. I think this is a fantasy that was created to sale romance novels and CD's filled with love songs.

  • Comment Link Karyn Wednesday, 23 March 2016 03:37 posted by Karyn

    I have lived through this situation a few times...
    Once engaged to one man & years later married
    to another. Ultimately it's true. Some women
    feel that they are destined to be happy by betraying
    their trust, in my case, onced married for only a year & a half, my "bridesmaid." Two people that I trusted.
    She would seduce him in ways others would see &
    "he" would deny it. He was best friends with "her"
    boyfriend...so it became a vicious circle for me.
    But "my" morals & convictions still stood strong...
    "Was I willing to put up with the lies & where-
    about(s)?!!" Hell no!!! Happily ever after!!

    Signed..."Divorced!!!"

  • Comment Link AllMe1959 Monday, 21 March 2016 15:41 posted by AllMe1959

    I don't think these women even think about what they are doing. It is all about them and what they are getting, or at least what they think they are getting. If they had one ounce of self-esteem, morals, or care they would run from this situation, but they just don't.