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Never did I imagine I could be here, and I want to share that you can get here too.  

Yes, my divorce was filled with awful, searing, exhausting pain.  Divorced and utterly alone at 60, lost, tired, hopeless, terrified, rejected, and discarded.  That was then.  My baby steps to learn to love myself, care for myself, find myself and my light again have paid off.  I will always be grateful to the women who were here for me when I came broken to this forum.  I want so much to help one or more of you now in the way I was helped.  So here is what your future can look like:

I am recently with a man who has taken me to sexual abandon and joy I hadn't known before. The same man asks me in the middle of one of those otherworldly sensual experiences to stop, to look in his eyes, and lay my head quietly on his chest for a few minutes.  He makes me feel not only seen and appreciated, but also safe, and is not the sort of man I ever imagined would have the capacity to love a woman like me.  He's a year younger than me, and his last beautiful girlfriend was much younger than me.  He finds me breathtaking.  This is what you will have if you do the work to heal and love yourself.  You can't have it until you truly do the work to be your own lover.  Start anywhere, but start.

I'm eating really well and carefully.  I work out and look good.  I'm making some friends.  I've explored what and who I want to be and love working on this in every realm of my life.  I'm not embarrassed to say the words "I'm divorced."  It’s just a benign reality now.  You are beautiful, desirable, worthy of love, and must not succumb to the defeat divorce can represent.  It is not a defeat.  It is just another part of your journey.  For all that I resisted and hated what happened to my marriage, I feel only gratitude for my ex husband now, because I would never, probably, have gotten here today had he not upended my world, my faith, my ability to trust, everything. I have not only forgiven him (don't remember doing this!) I'm honestly grateful that he set me free to fly again.  

Sending you big warm hugs.

(originally posted by a member of our communityWe are a secure network filled with women supporting each other through challenge. We are a free community, dedicated to empowering women through troubled relationships, divorce and other life challenges.)

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5 comments

  • Comment Link Rebecca Brown Thursday, 05 May 2016 16:09 posted by Rebecca Brown

    I am 57 and recently divorced. My ex told me he had to be independent and free only to turn around and remarry. He threatened me in order to speed up the divorce and continues to threaten me regarding some of my property to remain at the house we are selling. I feel I can move on because of threats which I feel are encouraged by new wife. He is not the man I married.I am alone. I try to motivate to unpack things in my new home but have little energy. Don'"t understand his taking things out on me still he is remarried. I fear being alone but I can not do this again. Help!

  • Comment Link HopefulinWA Wednesday, 04 May 2016 15:49 posted by HopefulinWA

    I read your post frequently to remind myself that there is hope for a wonderful life ahead. Thank you for sharing this with us.

  • Comment Link GhostGirl Friday, 11 March 2016 12:21 posted by GhostGirl

    Wow, you are an amazing woman. I hope that one day I can be as together as you are! I was married for almost 20 years. I found out that my husband had been to prostitutes, after he was arrested for solicitation of a minor. That is an ego buster. Your article gives me hope, I want to fly!

  • Comment Link poppyfool Sunday, 14 February 2016 22:32 posted by poppyfool

    What an amazing article. Finding out in my late fifties that my husband was cheating on me - left me feeling worthless and all used up. You give me hope! Thank you!

  • Comment Link C Mroz Monday, 25 January 2016 15:20 posted by C Mroz

    What a great message! I think so may women can easily feel defeated if they are not surrounded by a good support group. I like what you said about being set free to fly again. I'm sure my ex feels the same way. Being divorced is not a death sentence. Thank you for your amazing words!