I know you won't believe me when I tell you that you will make it through your situation in life, if you just hang on. Things will get better, you will get stronger and you won't miss him at all. I often think now of how devastated I have been over the past several years; yet I recently read the things I wrote in my journal early on, and I realized that I don't know that person anymore. I am stronger, I see him clearly and I have moved on in my life. I am happy with the decisions I made, even when I was at the lowest point in my life.
There were times I felt completely broken.
I had weeks where I couldn't pay bills, couldn't buy my kids school clothes, barely scraped enough money to get by. We have struggled, but I have finally reached financial stability. I made small goals because I didn't want this to be my life. I worked toward those little goals and then I got really lucky in being able to sell some assets that has freed me from being flat broke for another couple years.
The relationship with the ex was horrible as he cheated, and I learned the hard way. He was cold, heartless and downright cruel as he left. The kids didn't deal with his behavior or the OW, so his actions really caused so much heartache and pain for all of us involved. He didn't want to deal with the pain and suffering, so he essentially disappeared out of our lives. Even worse, he eventually started a court case alleging all sorts of false things. I hired the best lawyer I could find even though I could not afford it. I really felt I was headed toward bankruptcy. It was all just pure craziness and stress.
Then, one day he ex decided he was done with the craziness. He wanted to be involved with the kids and suddenly was the nicest guy you ever met. He actually acts like the person I was married to except he is much nicer now that I am not being blamed for his every failure in life. I don't consider myself bitter; but I do consider her a complete piece of trash that has no value in my life. She may have gotten my husband but she didn't win. She now is the one that has to deal with his lack of responsibility and she still has no relationship with his children.
Mentally, I am much stronger, and my favorite word is resilient.
Above all, I never imagined that things would work out so well for me. Yes, I took the destruction of my marriage very hard. I cried all the time, I was horrible at my job, and I found joy in nothing. Now, I have learned I am strong enough; I am really a much better person than the ex ever gave me credit for and I am a great mother. I learned that it is not getting knocked down that matters; it is how you recover once you have been knocked flat. I am resilient. I bounced back better than I was before, I am in control of my life and I actually make far better decisions on my own than I did with him.
You decide how your story will end.
I guess my message to everyone is to never lose hope and faith that you will end up somewhere good when you make it through the tough times. My life got better and my anger disappeared with every positive step towards goals I had set for myself. I read so many stories, and we are all versions of the same pain that destructive behavior of others has caused. My heart hurts for every one of you because I understand the pain. I understand the loss. I just want you to know I also understand my value. I deserved so much more; my story didn't end with a cheating, lying jerk that couldn't love me. I will never accept less than what I deserve again.
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