Now that you are divorced or in the process of divorcing have you thought about reinventing yourself and your life? Have you wondered where to start?
“Let’s start at the very beginning, ” recommends the up tune classic, “Do-Re-Mi,” from The Sound Of Music.
It does make sense, practically speaking.
Thus I have broken down the instructional lyrics and applied their principles for women forging into their new futures.
Are you ready, ladies? Do-Re-Mi-Fa-So-La-Ti…
- Doe, a deer, a female deer: Yes, does are a vulnerable breed. But according to different spiritual beliefs, the doe symbolizes gentleness (with itself and other animals), the ability to move through life and obstacles with grace, and intuitiveness.
What actions can I take today to be gentle and graceful as I learn to trust my instincts.
The doe represents heart energy.
What actions can I take to protect my heart, physically and emotionally? Are there changes I need to make in my diet and exercise or the way I handle stress and other negative feelings?
The doe stands for wisdom, fresh perspectives on old issues.
What actions can I take to revise and reverse patterns of thought or behavior that no longer serve me?
The doe is very vigilant, has the ability to change directions quickly, and is constantly on the lookout for predators. She has a tendency to be overly cautious.
It is important to protect yourself and your children but are you unnecessarily pushing away other people and relationships?
What actions can I take to move forward enough to trust someone or feel safe again in my environment?
Here are some more attributes associated with the female deer: Benevolence, Kindness, Spirituality, Renewal and Connectedness.
What opportunities can I find today to add these qualities into my life?
Reinvention begins with your self-care. You are the foundation on which to rebuild the rest of your life.
- Ray, a drop of golden sun: How many drops of golden sun are you adding to your morning? Develop a sound spiritual habit of belief and faith to defeat the hovering gray clouds of your past or present events. Clouds are dissipating vapor and not permanent—-just as are circumstances. No matter how gloomy your world now seems, it can never remain dark when there is light. If you focus on the negative, then it is time to form the positive-thinking habit. Yes, it is a habit just as are your thoughts of disappointment, fear, anger and guilt. When a despairing phrase enters your mind, immediately meditate on self-empowering phrases. They will eventually take root, and you will find it easier to be positive than negative.
What are the disabling thoughts holding me back from my re-invention? What enabling phrases can I focus on instead?
Spark the flames of that golden sun and soon you will have ignited a fire in your spirit for your life.
- Me, a name I call myself: Are you focused too much or too little on yourself? Either way, make an honest assessment and find a balance. If “me” is on your brain too much, then your world becomes increasingly smaller, your circle of friends fewer. Soon me is only myself.
How many times in a conversation do I mention myself or turn the subject to my problems?
Conversely, there is the “martyr me” who is guilt-plagued at even the hint of her wants, needs or desires. This “me” attends to other people’s agendas and ignores her own. But “martyr me” is actually hiding behind her self-sacrifices. By making everyone else’s dreams a priority, she doesn’t have to pursue her own.
What is my true motive in saying “yes” when I really want to say, “No.”
Keep in mind that where the “me” thinketh, the “me” follows.
- Far, a long, long way to run: Are you in this life reinvention project for the long haul? The journey to a better horizon is far and there aren’t shortcuts. Along this newly chosen path, however, you will encounter visible potholes--ones that catch you off guard, causing you to stumble and fall. So fall and fall often. Whatever breaks will eventually heal. The measure of your success will be how many times you get up on both feet again. Limp if you must but don’t use it as an excuse to sit on the sidelines.
Sometimes you might lose direction, but prepare yourself ahead of time with a map of where you want to end up in life and how you are going to arrive. Similarly, avoid detours from your destination. The detours will only lead you to dead ends where you will get stuck.
What actions can I take today to design my reinvention map leading with my goal and the steps I will take to reach it?
You only have one chance to participate in this human race—-and it’s the only race where it’s best to finish last. Compete only with yourself and you’ll never lose. However, do arrive for the race trained and prepared.
What actions can I take today to train and prepare to finish well in my race?
If you want a memorable finish then follow “that road less traveled.” You never know what you will find at the end of it.
- Sew, a needle pulling thread: You are the needle pulling the thread that holds together your life’s patchwork quilt made from many different fabrics. Whether they are colorful, stained, torn, worn, or smooth, each piece is dependent upon the other to form your design. Every fragment has its own story to tell so don’t disparage any scrap of cloth. Stitched together you will see how they all fit into place and complete the beautiful, unique blanket to keep you warm.
What does my life quilt look like and what does each piece represent? Draw a picture or visualize it in your mind.
From now on when you look at your piecemeal collection of life experiences, don’t think “So?” Sew!
- La, a note to follow Sew: Strike a new chord by adding different notes to your daily routine. If you drive the same route to the store or to work day each day, then take an alternate path. Find fresh ways to approach the same old tasks. Add new hobbies, groups and clubs to your schedule. Stop at that Zumba studio you usually pass by.
Or how about greeting the day by singing? Grab your hairbrush microphone and retro your teen years in front of the bedroom mirror. Loosen those inhibitions (they’re for old people)!
Sing while you make your morning coffee, dress, drive or whatever. Don’t worry that it’s off key. Singing is good for clearing your sinus and throat passages first thing in the morning.
Singing helps keep your vocal chords limber. (Vocal chords need exercise to stay in shape and fight the crackly effects of aging.)
What matters most, however, is how uplifted you will feel in this natural expression of your inner self. Even singing a sad ballad can relieve your troubled heart. Pretty soon singing will give you the courage and skills to find your powerful, confident, true voice.
What song is waiting on my lips? I will create my own vocal playlist and let loose.
If anyone complains about the quality of your voice, hand him or her some earplugs.
- Tea, a drink with jam and bread: All this reinvention work requires a tea break at the end of every day. The British and Japanese cultures celebrate the healing and restorative powers of this delicate beverage. Most teas are loaded with antioxidants (and you can find many in decaf versions). According to some studies, tea contains small amounts of natural fluoride that helps dental well being. It also contains polyphenols which are considered to have cancer-fighting effects and could inhibit Alzheimer’s, among other benefits.
Even if you can’t make a ceremony out of teatime on a regular basis, at least enjoy a refreshing daily cup or two. And set aside one day a week for a special tea ritual with friends. Not only will you enjoy the advantages of tea, but you also will gain the health benefits from socialization.
What actions can I take to set aside teatime today? What do I want my special daily teatime to include? How would I plan a tea ritual with my friends? When will I schedule it?
Enjoy your tea party privately or with guests. And don’t forget the jam and bread!
Now this brings us back to Doe, reminding us that reinvention is a lifelong process done in steps and stages. You just keep going back to the beginning and it has no real ending. That is, not until your song is ended.
In the meantime, it’s never too late to begin again. Because…“When you know the notes to sing, you can sing most ANYTHING!”
Coach Tracy Sherwood offers women’s group and individual coaching packages. She specializes in helping divorcing and post divorce mid-life women suffering from Facebook Depression. She is educated by the International Coach Federation accredited Institute of Life Coach Training. Creating New Waves backs its service by a 100% money back guarantee if you are not satisfied after the first session. Catch the wave to your better horizon. Call today for your complimentary 20-minute Discovery Session.