This post will be addressing a topic that strikes fear into the hearts of most women over 40. Just thinking about it right now is causing the sweat to pool across my hair line and heart to race. It is another unGodly, heinous thing that cause midlife women undue stress and heartache. It is: THE BATHING SUIT.
Like most women over 50, I assumed the days of bathing suit wearing were over. Sure I live in Florida, so what? Haven't you guys ever heard of board shorts? A pair of board shorts with a cute tee, is perfectly acceptable beach wear...in my opinion. Very appropriate for a woman my age.
As far as actual pool swimming...no one does that down here. Yes we all have pools, but we don't use them. They are used as scenery for our "lanais," something to stick our toes into while we are waiting for our steaks to cook. I do think I stuck my foot in there once, after inadvertently stepping on a lizard.
Anyway, I thought the whole bathing suit issue was water under the bridge, until tragedy struck: M, the man in my life, bought a boat. With a SWIM PLATFORM. Happily, he already had our first excursion planned. We would head out to a little island about an hour from here where we would anchor up, have lunch and then jump into the water to cool down. I think he was picturing the two of us splashing around like Brooke Shields and that guy in Blue Lagoon, happily playing footsie under the water. I believe Brooke was wearing a bikini top made of coconut shells, not a collared Polo shirt. Whatever.
So, off to Macy's to do the unthinkable, bathing suit shop. Believe it or not, I found a cute little Kenneth Cole number with a halter top and a bottom with a little ruffled skirt. Right, I said skirt. Yes, it has come to this now. Anyway, it was passable.
The day arrives and the boat is here. I immediately fall in love with the little sink and built in ice chest where M has thoughtfully stored my favorite bottle of Chardonnay. Also, there is a little table where we can sit and eat our lunch. How adorable is this?
I put on my new bathing suit (outfit, getup?) and was very pleased when M commented, "You look great!" Perhaps all is not lost, I mean if I can pull off a skirted bathing suit, there is still hope! I climb aboard with my new found confidence, empty Solo cups and Publix sub sandwiches. I love boating!
An hour later we are at our island paradise, (along with a boatful of drunk Gator fans..ew.) I am sipping my Chard and enjoying the pleasant rocking of the boat with the sun beating down on my heavily sun blocked (#70!) face. "Let's jump in and cool down," M says. I head for the dreaded swim platform when M says, "You're probably going to want to take that skirt off and just swim in your bathing suit, the salt water will ruin it."
"THIS IS MY BATHING SUIT!" I inform him, before lowering myself into the murky deep.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't realize that was attached." Smooth. Very smooth.
You gotta love a man who can skirt around an issue like that....and I do.