I picked out my next engagement ring this morning. I was flipping through a magazine and turned the page to a De Beers ad and there it was. Nothing like my old engagement ring that I recently sold to help pay bills. This ring was new. And beautiful. It had a different shape and style and a completely different look. I just knew that it would feel different on my hand and that the person that gives it to me is going to be different. I sat at my patio table, drinking a cup of tea, staring at that De Beers ad and allowing myself to think about the possibility of a life after divorce.
Truth is, I am not interested in getting married again. I can barely wrap my mind around being single and raising a child on my own, forget about the thought of another man inserted into this world that I have struggled to create and maintain for myself and my daughter. Not to mention intimacy and trust and sex and scheduling, or how exhausted I am, or how my body looks or how I even feel about all of that.
Point is, I am in a new place today. A switch flipped and I am able to imagine a future filled with a new and different person in my life. This is huge. This is new and huge and I am so thankful that I am here. I have been working myself to death trying to move through the stages of grief and get to a more healthy place in my heart and mind and soul. I have done it for me and I have done it for my daughter and I am making real progress.
Being able to admire and desire that engagement ring this morning wasn't about jumping into my next relationship, it was about the first real glimpse of acceptance that I have seen. I am not completely there. I have a lot more work to do and many more miles to go on this journey through my divorce. But I ripped that page out of the magazine, and I have it folded up in my journal. Not to show the first poor bastard that takes me on a date, but to look at and to remind myself that there is life after divorce. That I am moving toward a more healthy future full of hope and the possibility of what will come next.