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My marriage ended in 2007, we separated in 2008 and our divorce was final in 2010.  In all that time I haven't been asked out to so much as coffee in all that time.  I feel completely invisible.  I am over 40 and thankfully doesn't look it, but I am getting no attention at all.  I smile, make eye contact but nothing.  I recently asked a guy to a movie that is on a committee I volunteer on.  While he was flattered he told me he was taken.  CRAP!

I don't drink so I don't go to bars.  Tried the online thing for about a month but it made me feel uncomfortable, I don't like the lack of face to face contact and I 'm scared of coming across a crazy person. From what I hear from my male relatives the idea in a guy's mind of what they can "get" now is so different.  With the video and internet chicks (thanks Beyonce and Kardasian :(  ) regular women are less desirable. Rather unattractive or heavy guys really believe they have a shot with the model type and that is what they are going for.  Men my age...a few too many pounds, loosing hair and all...they're looking for 20 year old looking women.  Not to mention now that interracial dating is no longer a death sentence, black men are not even giving me the time of day (a black woman).

Asking a man out is soooo new for me.  I don't know which is worse having a guy say no or be ignored and never asked at all.  My self esteem is shot.  Yes I'm smart and funny, cute (wish I were beautiful), interesting and caring but who gives a crap about that it seems?  Is it so bad to want to have male companionship?  I can hear my sister now saying, “You should be happy with the peace you now have at home and hanging out with your friends.”  Don’t get me wrong I love those things but there is still an empty place in me that would like having some testosterone around ya know.  I am not looking to be remarried or even a relationship, I’d just like to be in the company of someone I could flirt coyly with, to open my car door, to guide me through a crowd with his hand on the small of my back.  Is it too much to want to be seen by a man?

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  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 15 May 2011 03:40 posted by Guest

    I relate completely: Thank you so much for putting words to the way I feel exactly. Every point in your post resonates with me. I've been alone even longer though (since 2006), so maybe you can be encouraged to know that there's someone out here who's been "invisible" even longer than you have. I don't have any great words of wisdom or encouragement to offer you, just wanted to let you know that you're not completely alone. :)

  • Comment Link dola Saturday, 14 May 2011 12:45 posted by dola

    CONFUSED: dear u r going through the phase wich every woman goes thru after this sudden change in life wich is so emotionally devastating. we lose our identity, sumtimes our self-confidence & we start asking these questions 2 ourselves-hu r we?, y r we here?,etc
    we r not sure whether ever we wud b able 2 re-settle bcoz sumtimes we blame ourselves & sumtimes our fate the dreams with wich we had entered into our 1st relationship hv totally got shattered & neither do we hv the full free courage 2 settle again,nor r we so much unromantic as 2 not hv the will 2 love again .the xpectation of future possibl happiness & fear of possible failure again fight a severe conflict within our minds all the time. Our hopes & experiences clash with each other too much 2 let anybody win..

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 10 May 2011 10:51 posted by Guest

    Try to get over and move on: Start a new life and try to have fun. Ask also some advices. Hope it would help you. Best luck.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 09 May 2011 23:35 posted by Guest

    I think you just have to let: I think you just have to let go, not try to think about men or sex, and everything will come to you. They say love hits you when least expect it. Well, I think it's true. The key is finding the right mate. Obviously that's that hardest part. I just forgot all about love, and then ended up meeting someone who I never thought I could meet. someone I truly love... just keep positive and you'll find the right one...hugs