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For me, one of my biggest fears has always been that of the unknown. With this divorce, there are certain concerns that are obvious — loss of husband, change in school for my boys — yet the rest is so unknown.

I don't doubt my ability to make good decisions for myself, my children, and my life, but the unknown is so subjective. There aren't finite answers. I honestly think that's why I stayed married so long. I was afraid that if I voiced my yearning to be free, the consequences would be left too much in the hands of others.

I can't say that I'm no longer fearful of the unknown. I still worry about what will happen to the house I love so much. I still worry about the fate of my children — if they will remain in my care, or if my soon to be ex-husband will succeed in his attempt to "win" them. I still worry about the future. I really thought I had a game-plan that would last for eternity.

Every day is really a new experience. The unknown tempts me now. What will happen today, tomorrow, next week? I've been living day-to-day, knowing with confidence that I'm going to be okay. The confidence that I have in myself and my abilities has allowed me to be comfortable with the unknown. I will not let that fear take over again.

 

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3 comments

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 02 June 2011 17:55 posted by Guest

    It's Comforting : I have brought on my divorce. I am a people pleaser, a woman who never rocks the boat. Well, I guess I was wrong. I have hurt my children, my husband, and I know our families as I dare to jump of a cliff and pray I land safely. I often feel alone, ashamed, tainted, and a failure. Interspersed are days are confidence and a belief that I have done what is best for me, as I lean into happiness. I love the connection, knowing I am not alone and being encouraged by your words. Senior High graduation tonight. Grant me strength to face family with maturity and confidence, and love.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 30 May 2011 14:22 posted by Guest

    Thank you for your: Thank you for your inspiration and your words of encouragement. I am just about to start divorce procedings, I'm very scared and I'm praying for the strenght to get through this. Thank you

  • Comment Link Hudson Friday, 27 May 2011 18:07 posted by Hudson

    Not Afraid Anymore: I am also living day-to-day, trying my best to leave fear behind and "Dwelling in Possibility"