For me, one of my biggest fears has always been that of the unknown. With this divorce, there are certain concerns that are obvious — loss of husband, change in school for my boys — yet the rest is so unknown.
I don't doubt my ability to make good decisions for myself, my children, and my life, but the unknown is so subjective. There aren't finite answers. I honestly think that's why I stayed married so long. I was afraid that if I voiced my yearning to be free, the consequences would be left too much in the hands of others.
I can't say that I'm no longer fearful of the unknown. I still worry about what will happen to the house I love so much. I still worry about the fate of my children — if they will remain in my care, or if my soon to be ex-husband will succeed in his attempt to "win" them. I still worry about the future. I really thought I had a game-plan that would last for eternity.
Every day is really a new experience. The unknown tempts me now. What will happen today, tomorrow, next week? I've been living day-to-day, knowing with confidence that I'm going to be okay. The confidence that I have in myself and my abilities has allowed me to be comfortable with the unknown. I will not let that fear take over again.