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I'm struggling with taking all of the bad things that have happened this year and trying to turn them into something useful or helpful to me.

But, I admit — it's hard. I feel burdened by my own feelings. I've always tried to maintain control of certain things in life, but right now I just don't have much control over anything and the lack of input makes me squirm. I've been attending women's empowerment groups for victims of domestic violence which have been so helpful to me. We've explored anger, resentment, children issues, boundaries, etc. All of this has led to much introspection on my part, which is why I feel so buried by my feelings.

Some days are challenging, as I reflect on the good and bad times in my relationship. The staying power for me, in trying to turn things around, is that I know I'm a passionate person. I have motivation and drive. I just need to unpack it and use it. I need to show my kids that we're okay, that we'll work together and find peace and happiness.

This is in the back of my mind, all the time, but I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not feeling it today. I'm just thankful that at the end of the day, I'm in one piece, everyone is fed and bathed with brushed teeth. I'm relinquishing control, which has lifted weight from my shoulders, but I'm still apprehensive and anxious about what is to come. I guess that makes me human — and hopefully genuine. You never know what emotion you're going to get!

Okay, I'm going to meditate now.

 

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