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A recent visitor to the site wrote to us directly and was kind enough to permit us to excerpt her letter and post it here in our Community section. While the beginning of her story is an all too familiar story to many of us, we felt her journey was incredibly inspiring, in that she has managed to move beyond the bitterness and is now enjoying the process of rediscovering herself.

She wrote:

"I lost my husband to a third party...his company and then other women. We met at work, he was married and I was seeing someone as well. After a year of working together, we realized we wanted more.

Long story short, he got divorced, we got married and within nine years we had five kids. I lost myself, my health and had a full hysterectomy which partially led to a depression.

No one knew that my husband prioritized his work over me and our family. They saw how much he traveled and how involved he was with work, and how lucky we were because of his success. They never knew how lonely I was and how uninvolved he was with the kids in private.

When we moved to Florida, away from the protective cocoon of friends and family, the problems multiplied and he made it obvious that he was having an affair. I never suspected, and I feel cheated of 20 years of life.

I realize that we should have gone into therapy sooner, but I guess I didn't want to face the inevitable divorce. After one year apart, I could never go back to living like that and I'm finding my old self through pictures and memories and I'm enjoying the special time I get with my five wonderful kids who I love, adore and cherish.

I can't imagine the day I will go out on a date, but I know that down the road I will find someone who wants to put me first because I deserve it. Finally, I don't hate him anymore. I realize that he has never been in love and throws himself into work to hide the pain and loneliness that he feels."

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2 comments

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 28 January 2012 16:08 posted by Guest

    Didnt it occur to you that: Didnt it occur to you that you had an affair with a married man- and if he'll cheat with you he'll cheat on you?? If you were the first wife or had come to the relationship differently I'd sympathize. But you got what you deserve really.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 01 March 2011 06:58 posted by Guest

    Response to excerpt: I too have decided to go on the divorce journey for the second and final time in my life. At 19 I met a man and 10 years later after he had many other woman we divorced. I met another rebound man, broke up and met my now present husband of 18 years. He too is very successful in his career but he has a dark lining in his cloud. Drugs, prostitutes as of 6 years ago.

    I opted to "make it work" for the sake of our 12 year old son. I again compromised who I am. Me!

    An argument after our 18th Anniversay to Jamaica insued and that was all I needed, to see him for what he really is. Good, bad, it's just someone who I am not willing to have as my husband. It's as if the initial pain of what he did has passed and my healing occurred on many levels, exept the level of remembering,

    Every day I would remember. I too have forgiven him.

    The term sex addict was used. Therapy for both of us. But after not going for almost a year, I am strong enough now to realize this can't work.

    The irony of it all is he thinks I am crazy because this is out of the blue! LOL