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I have a question that I can't ask anyone face-to-face without blushing, so I'll present it here. My husband has always given me the impression that sex is an utter physiological need for all men.

Without regular sex, men have physical pain that is tough to endure. According to what he has told me, men can't control the urge to want to have sex and if they don't get the sex they need they need to masturbate in order to relieve the pressure brought on by lack of sex. One time shortly after my baby was born I accidently walked in on my husband as he was "getting busy" by himself in the shower, and his immediate response was, "I gotta get it somewhere!"

For the record, I'm blushing while I'm typing this.

Because of this apparent physical need, I have always had sex with my husband whenever he expressed a desire to get intimate. During those times when I didn't feel like having sex I still did, because I didn't want to be the person standing between my husband and physical comfort. He needed it and I could give it to him, so it seemed like a logical solution. Nevermind that there have been times when I felt like I was absolutely betraying myself for getting intimate with him...at least I was still performing my wifely duty.

What I have been wondering about lately is this: Have I been duped? Is sex truly an absolute physical need for men? I think about the celibate men in the world, and I wonder if they spend their days in sheer agony from pent-up sexual frustration.

In my days as a single gal there were certainly times when I would think to myself, "Sure would be nice to have some sex right now," but it never was a physical ache. I also recognize, however, that men and women are different and I can't really compare my sexual needs with those of my husbands. I can't help but wonder, though, if my husband's claims are real or if I've fallen for some line men use to make sure their wives give them sex regularly.

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106 comments

  • Comment Link Jeff Tuesday, 03 April 2018 00:51 posted by Jeff

    Wow after reading some of these blogs I feel very lucky. My wife and I have similar libido's, after 3 days or so once the kids are in bed, no telling who grabs who first and we're heading for the bedroom. I know that sounds crude but we both look forward our togther time. I don't know what i would do if I were one of the guys that had a wife that loses interest in sex. I occasionally travel for business and when I am gone for a week or so, when I get home my nuts ache and I'm ready to explode. I can tell you that around day 3 i physically feel things changing for me, I start feeling like I need to have sex so I know other guys have got to feel the same way. I would say there is no way you're being duped, the need is real!

  • Comment Link MAC Sunday, 01 April 2018 02:54 posted by MAC

    Ok ladies there is something you need to understand about your man and this is true of most all men. Men are naturally driven to seek sex and that is the way their body is built and they are biologically wired. Men produce sperm constantly, day and night, and it's a process that never stops. A typical male will produce 6 million sperm an hour, that is over 140 million a day. That is nearly a billion a week. Look it up on the internet there are multiple sources for this information. In addition to this, he produces semen, and his body can fill these gland rather quickly. Semen creates a sense of fullness and sperm, if not released, will build up causing the family jewels to swell. This creates a warm or as some call it a burning sensation in their testicles, it is also described as heaviness, tingly or a vibrating feeling. If not relieved it will eventually make his balls ache due to overcapacity. There are even songs about it, listen to Bob Seger's "Fire Down Below". While many think the song is about prostitutes it's really about the sensation men get when it's been too long and the lengths they will go to for relief. Just listen to the verse "When it all gets too heavy that's when they come... and they go and they go... with one thing in common they got the fire down below". It's pretty easy to understand what that is all about. Women always think it's just men being selfish pushing for sex. Sorry to say it, but at some point it does become a physical need. So sorry OP I agree with Karen in the previous post, if you care about your guy take care of him, if not, he will be driven to seek an alternative solution.

  • Comment Link Karen Tuesday, 23 January 2018 16:25 posted by Karen

    I worked for a Urologist for over 26 years and I've overheard many conversations that the doctor had with both men and women patients. These discussions certainly weren't meant for my ears but exam rooms aren't exactly sound proof. So I do have a good understanding of what goes on in a man's body and what triggers his sexual desire.

    First, to set things straight, it's pretty simple men have a natural urge for sex which is directly related to level of testosterone in their bodies. In addition to this there are also physically influences that create a even greater need for a sexual release. This is based on how quickly their body produces sperm and semen. Sperm and semen physically take up space within his body and when he's full his body senses it.

    The testicles produce sperm continuously day and night and some men produce 4 to 5 million and hour. The sperm are stored in the epididymis which is a long tubular chamber located on the backside of the testicle. As the epididymis naturally fills it gets stretched. This creates a sensation most men describe as a heavy, tingly or warm sensation in their testicles. If not released the internal pressure will lead to discomfort or an ache. So naturally when this sensation occurs a man is looking for relief.

    Semen is produced in multiple glands; however, the seminal vessels and prostate produce 90% of the semen released. As these glands fill a man will experience a sense of fullness. Now the full sensation created varies in intensity from male to male. While some men want sex frequently there are others who are the least bit interested.

    So to answer the original poster I doubt you're being duped but I'm also pretty sure some men play up this need/urge to convince their wives to have sex more often. If this isn't happening the body will naturally release a little at a time during sleep or some men will masturbate for relief.

  • Comment Link Travis Sunday, 19 November 2017 21:07 posted by Travis

    If a man get aroused, is it necessary to release?

  • Comment Link Marcus Monday, 13 November 2017 03:38 posted by Marcus

    I wouldn't used the word "pain". It is not strong enough to convey how I feel. When I tell others about the way I feel about a sexless marriage, the only word I know that fits the bill is "torture".

  • Comment Link Marcus Monday, 13 November 2017 03:37 posted by Marcus

    I wouldn't used the word "pain". It is not strong enough to convey how I feel. When I tell others about the way I feel about a sexless marriage, the only word I know that fits the bill is "torture".

  • Comment Link Brian Tuesday, 12 September 2017 16:22 posted by Brian

    A good way to think about it is from womans point of view; lactation and milk build up after pregnancy. The breasts get enlarged as they fill and if not expelled through feeding or pumping, are painful, heavy and the woman just wants some relief. Yeah the breasts naturally will leak, dont think it stops that pressure, weight or desire for relief.
    Is it medically nessecary for the woman to pump or feed, no, neither is it a nessecity for the man to ejaculate, sure makes them happier and easier to be around.

  • Comment Link Dave Sunday, 16 July 2017 04:20 posted by Dave

    I know what you mean. I am fat as all hell and I still need to get it.

  • Comment Link Peter Saturday, 15 July 2017 14:22 posted by Peter

    For Oliver, who commented: "It is not painful to desist from releasing the build up of desires for a few days. It is just irritating. You cannot fall asleep. It is always on your mind". You're wrong. There is pain if a men gets excited and does not do the sexual act. I feel it and it's very real, sometimes it is a very, very inconvenient pain.

    I had this when my wife was recovering from a surgery. I had to bath her, touch her parts. I don't need to say I got excited sometimes, and since I couldn't have sex with her I felt pain in my testicules. The only way to relief this pain is by having sex or by masturbating. But since I think masturbation is a sin, that led me to a conscience problem everytime I did it. So, if you masturbate every time if feel the need to have sex because of the lack of your wife, you can't say it "doesn't hurt". It does, so that it is called "blue balls". I insist: the only men who says it "doesn't exist" are the ones who masturbates after getting excited (if they don't have anyone for having the sexual intercourse), or you are a minority who doesn't have this physical condition, although I bet you will be in the first group (the ones who masturbates, and will never feel any pain).

  • Comment Link Peter Saturday, 15 July 2017 14:14 posted by Peter

    You surely have not been duped. The pain in the testicules are real for men used to have a sexual life if they stop doing it (or take a long time without it). Look for the expression "Blue Balls" on google, and you'll see even medical articles about this condition. This does not happen with a person who have never engaged in sexual activity, but since it starts it is a need for the man.

    You are doing very well in having sex with your husband even when you don't want. What does it cost to you? I answer: it costs your husband's fidelity, it costs his soul (since he will not be tempted to look for sex somewhere else). You may not understand the phisiology involved in the male world, but trust me: you're doing the right thing, and keep doint it. There's much more happiness in giving than in receiving, and your donation to your husband will be rewarded by God.

    God Bless you.

  • Comment Link JohnnyBoy Friday, 07 April 2017 00:00 posted by JohnnyBoy

    Hmm, not sure that pain is accurate (at least for me) but an analogy might be, if you went long enough without food or drink, wouldn't the urge to eat or drink grow? Go long enough without sex, and the urge (tension) grows as well.

    Trust me, you have not been duped. The tension often grows to the point we can't focus properly. Celibate (and married) men release their tension with masturbation.

  • Comment Link guest Friday, 31 March 2017 02:47 posted by guest

    I have been married once and still am for 42 years. From day one, it's only once a week - same time and same day each time. Saturday or Sunday afternoon after lunch. I've never fallen asleep in his arms after sec because it's always during the day. Sometimes there are erectile problems but he denies it and is too embarrassed to see a doctor about it. We have no kids as I am not able to bear children. We have not had sex in 20 yrs. He runs his hands quickly over my breasts and barely touches me "down there" except to run his hand quickly over the general area. But, it is terrible to love and need attention and closeness and be deprived of it.

  • Comment Link AP Wednesday, 28 December 2016 12:54 posted by AP

    OMG - I had to put in my 2 cents purely because of the low quality answers thus far.

    First - I don't have a definitive answer. I'm not a medical professional, they would be the ones to determine this beyond doubt.

    Second - I am a male who has lately been experimenting with semen retention with the support of my wife. I had discovered and article on something called a female led relationship and realised that I was in one. It was a revelation to me that our relationship was so formally defined and it gave me confidence in us. Anyway - cut a long story short, I discovered that many couples in this type of relationship practice semen retention or orgasm control of the male as a way of overcoming the inevitable male tendencies towards selfishness and lack of romance that occurs even for more submissive men. We tried it and really loved the results! Here's my report on our findings:

    Emotionally:

    From around the fourth day after orgasm (ao) I became much sweeter with my wife and gave her much more attention not just in the bedroom. The longer the period of retention the better our relationship became. Those in the know describe this as continuous courtship. We continued to make love and in fact did so more often as she is being romanced and is more often in the mood. Sex was all about her which made us both feel very positive.

    Physically:

    At about day 5 I started to feel some discomfort around my groin and scrotum.. like a feeling of being too full (surprise!). at about day seven I experienced a rise in testosterone and was apparently much more assertive and confrontational for a couple of days. by day 10 I was all sweetness again, but still with some discomfort down stairs. At day 15 my wife was a little worried and relieved me. The discomfort went away.

    I have to say that the next fews were shit. I become a stereo typical male again and felt gutted about it. I'm now back on day 4 and feeling better so intend to hold out as long as I can again. The acheyness concerns me, I wouldn't that permanently, but it does suggest that there is some physical thing making men feels tat they need to release. Wether this if left would cause further pain or damage I don't know and it's something I would like an answer to also for reasons explained.

  • Comment Link aussieguy Wednesday, 21 December 2016 01:56 posted by aussieguy

    I am a male. I don't know about all western nations, but there is an apparent need and most definitely peer pressure, mainly from men but this does happen with women too, to have sex and if you don't, you are looked down on, either because you're not a man, homosexual, mainly those sorts of things. I am from Australia. Celibacy is taboo, or even those who don't talk about sex or when it's mentioned, there are those who scream rape, rape, rape, when it is clearly not the case in all forms. So over here it is sex or rape, but never celibacy, except for some women, but definitely not men.
    And yet there have been posts about people and yes, men included, living "celibate" lives. Well instead of just saying this is so, how about some evidence. And of western people doing so too?
    And yes, I would like to live a celibate life, but that is dependent on culture and society itself.

  • Comment Link Oliver Sunday, 11 December 2016 15:07 posted by Oliver

    It is not painful to desist from releasing the build up of desires for a few days. It is just irritating. You cannot fall asleep. It is always on your mind. You get inconvenient stiffness when you weren't even thinking about it which you have to try to hide when you're on the Tube or even miss your bus stop (unless you're an extrovert when you'll not care who sees your trouser pride!). It absolutely has to be released. The relief is fantastic and you can get on with whatever you wanted to be doing instead.
    But it is not painful. That is a line he's come up.
    My worry is that abstinence makes you go slightly mad
    We've been married six years & have not succeeded in consummating it yet. My wife really wants to. She has never had sex & it's too painful for her. We have tried all sorts of ideas to overcome the problem. Now though I never get excited anymore. I guess endless 'rejections' (physiological) may have conditioned me not to expect to finish so it refuses to take an interest. We discuss it all openly. We are very comfortable talking about anything which is very useful. We probably try once or twice every six months.
    But I have noticed all my views have become extremely extreme. I don't have a temper & have never been at all violent but I have no inhibitions expressing very very shocking political views and homicidal ideas with not a care who can hear. I really think this is linked to having had no real sex for 17 years. I'm not going to seek help because the government here has made freedom of speech illegal & many of my ideas are arrestable offences. I just hope I can be relaxed again before it goes from thoughts to actions.

  • Comment Link Wroena Thursday, 08 December 2016 13:51 posted by Wroena

    One thing this discussion brings up for me is a problem that I had in my marriage. I felt very bad for not wanting to have sex with my husband as often as he wanted it--at the same time I would have fantasies about other men. This made me feel unfaithful and question my feelings for my husband. And then I realized that there was a theme to my fantasies, which was affection: the men in my fantasies were so affectionate, expressive and warm. I realized that what I needed to be enthusiatically on board with my husband's desire for sex was affectionate interchange, ease and communication between us. Otherwise I felt like I could easily be replaced by a prostitute, a concubine, someone whose duty it is to be a sexual provider.
    One thing I think a lot of the men who have posted here are missing is that the women they are with are beings who might need to feel emotional exchange and reciprocity in order to become aroused. They say that women see sex as an extension of love and that is often the case. They don't take that idea far enough and they miss the part about maybe they should extend their women some loving and honest emotion.
    For women, especially women who have had children, sex is an exercise in trust--one is so very very vulnerable; physically opening up to another person. How to create that trust? One road might be to show that you, the man, trust her. This is very difficult for men because it is a similar moment of vulnerability only on an emotional plane. But it seems to me that most women will come far to meet in the middle.

  • Comment Link Ziggy Stardust Tuesday, 29 November 2016 06:09 posted by Ziggy Stardust

    It depends on the person, and men tend to have higher sex drives but sex is not a biological need. This is what western culture has taught, and it's not your job to give him physical pleasure when you don't want sex. These men who claim it's a biological need either have a problem, or are lying.

  • Comment Link Debra Sunday, 27 November 2016 23:56 posted by Debra

    What about the husbands that can go weeks or even months without sex and think nothing of it?

    What's up with that?

  • Comment Link Greg Thursday, 03 November 2016 05:19 posted by Greg

    The need is a biological urge to release the production of semen from the body. This is also a biological response to protect the prostate from cancerous infection.

  • Comment Link Brown Male Saturday, 24 September 2016 18:31 posted by Brown Male

    Don't know about celibate men.... I stayed a virgin (out of choice) till the age of 27, when I married. Till then, I would masturbate approx twice every three days. Did it with clock-work regularity, and it kept me in a great mood ...

    After that, with marriage, my partner would be most enthusiastic about sex. Initially, I didn't enjoy it too much, because (i) I was inexperienced (ii) had too many pressures regarding work and earning decently (iii) she wanted it every day... and someone said sex is like oxygen, you never realise it's importance till you're deprived of it :-) (iv) the daily routine was a bit too much for me, and I felt a little drained....

    That all changed the day our first kid was born. She lost all interest in sex, and 18 years on, the kids still sleep in bed with her. She almost never initiates, apart maybe from one hint once in three years.

    When it comes to males needing/wanting sex, my thoughts are as follows: (i) sex is addictive... once you get used to a human female, her touch, and what human touch does to your oxytocin, then you kind of lust for it... want it. This is what keeps relationships going, as far as a man goes When I'm starved of sex, ironically, I start having sexual dreams... dreaming of my very partner who deprives me of sex almost always. (ii) if you can't get it, don't want it, or de-addict yourself from it, you can very well manage. After some days of not getting sex, it's manageable. Specially if the option is struggling to get sex, getting insulted while asking your partner for it, or having to invest a whole lot of time and resources searching for it. (As some have suggested, there are so many other useful things a man can do in his lifetime.)

    In my experience, I've had to masturbate regularly (not needed if my partner is giving me the sex), just to relieve the stress -- a bit of a physical uneasiness in the groin area, and overall mental tension, an ability to pick up fights with people and my partner, stress and crabbiness. In fact, I've even found myself perform better if I had some form of self-relief some 6-12 hours before answering exams, going for an interview, or undertaking any activity which needed mental alertness and a feeling of well being.

    Being rejected sex continually within a marriage is the most demoralising thing that can happen to a man. Most males will not talk about this (after all, isn't it a reflection on our own lack of capabilities, some seem to think). They will just go along and screw up their relationship/marriage by 'cheating' or having an extramarital affair ... and end up getting all the blame for themselves.

    In today's day and age, concepts like marital rape have entered the marriage scene. Past generations assumed that people got married to have sex together, and that consent was presumed.

    I think the fastest way to ruin a relationship/marriage is to deprive your partner of sex. Women come up with all kinds of arguments against this; most even don't realise why it happens. The only women who are generous with their sexual favours are those who are unmarried/not in a relationship/divorced or haven't had sex for long. They are the only ones who realise it's true worth.

    To be fair, some women, particularly in the affluent world, are themselves feeling deprived of sex, and have come out to complain about this. They now know what it means to feel lusty, to start thinking of sex whenever we encounter almost any person of the opposite gender, and fantasize about us being in bed with her/him.

    As for married women, I don't blame them. They don't even understand why they go off sex in the first place. All kinds of rational excuses are proferred (too tired, work with kids, don't feel good about body, tenderness gone from marriage). But this isn't about rationality. Some writers like Esther Perel (Mating in Captivity) have done a good job of explaining why this happens....

  • Comment Link tyler Friday, 23 September 2016 08:28 posted by tyler

    i am male and agree that sexual relief is a necessity for normal healthy men. sex drive no doubt varies from man to man.

    i understand the physical pain part of the issue and have suffered it a lot. one poster here described it as like being kicked in the scrotum. i agree it can be like this at times.

    the scrotum can be swollen and sensitive when a man has great sexual need. the sexual desire can be excruciating. wearing underwear that gives good scrotal support can help men with this issue as well as giving him the kind of privacy and modesty he may need.

    many men with a high sex drive i believe get by without having sex. so i do not consider it "absolutely necessary". but men have emotional needs as well as physical needs. this may be met only by intercourse with a loving female partner.

    i think many men would love it if their partner would help them masturbate even maybe holding him while he uses a device like a fleshlight to help him do so.

  • Comment Link Umar Sunday, 18 September 2016 21:58 posted by Umar

    It is True If husbands are Frequently Refused For Sex and Intimacy , Some serious Problems Are born physically Mentally and emotionally in Life.

  • Comment Link Anony-mouse Monday, 29 August 2016 18:34 posted by Anony-mouse

    Reading through all of these responses makes me ponder. Men definitely have fairly strong drives to be sexual right down to the point of getting physically uncomfortable. Are women put on this earth to alleviate their urges? Do men ever feel guilty for needing to use a woman's body to relieve their discomfort?

    The author mentions, "there have been times when I felt like I was absolutely betraying myself for getting intimate with him....at least I was still performing my wifely duty."
    How is it that so many wives/women can live just fine without sex very often? And should women be expected to always be available when the man needs relief? It seems if men can't get their sexual satisfaction from their present partner, they will go elsewhere to get that need met. Makes a woman feel like men's need for sex is more important than their need for emotional intimacy. Their drive for sexual satisfaction is stronger than their need for love. At times, their need for sex actually makes them start to hate their partner just because she isn't providing sex.
    Is she indeed a terrible person for not needing or desiring sex? Was it really love in the first place?

  • Comment Link Jaguar Thunderwolf Friday, 26 August 2016 23:27 posted by Jaguar Thunderwolf

    I am a 66 year old Native American man and I was in agony when I was 22 years old because of all the sexual pressure that was building up over time. I couldn't even sleep unless I took care of myself sexually. It was a heavy burden.

    But I do not agree that sex is a need, just look at all the men who died of AIDS.

    As far as I am concerned if men want sex then they had better be married and faithful to their wives and the wives need to be faithful as well.

    Women are not men so they don't understand what is going on inside the bodies of men. I cannot speak for women who have their own bodies to deal with.

    And you shouldn't have to blush because your husband masturbates. Thank God that he does because he wants to be faithful to you. Praise your husband for that. He probably has fantasies about you. Be open with you husband and speak with him. Join him in masturbating. And believe it or not I am a non-judgmental evangelist and never mind all the negative things that come from religion, they make you feel guilty. Love your husband and let him love you. Amen.

  • Comment Link Jonathan Friday, 19 August 2016 10:51 posted by Jonathan

    I would consider it more discomfort than pain in my experience. My muscles have gotten incredibly tense-stiff and I felt unpleasant and uncomfortable. There were times when I felt sick and just didn’t feel like myself. This was back when I was completely celibate mind you, and wasn’t engaging in any form of sexual activity at all. These days are now long gone and I as a form of habit now engage in some form of sexual activity at least once (if not more times) per day. The unpleasant feelings eventually passed but in some cases would last for several hours if not the remainder of a particular day.

  • Comment Link Ben Wednesday, 17 August 2016 04:14 posted by Ben

    I am a male. I find a lot of these answers so wrong and many right. I have been married for 13 years now with my second wife. Is sex a need, yes or no. My wife and I have had sex 12 times since my son was born. He is 11 now.
    It drives me nuts, masturbation is all I have and that is not enough. The want to satisfy her needs makes me feel great, to feel her, to experience the moment is fantastic.
    But for her to suddenly not want sex any more makes destroyed me. Now all I do is think about it, when I see a women that interest me I think about her being naked. How would she be in bed.
    The web site I look at started to be more BMSD. Where earlier I was not that interested in it. Now some of you ladies will say that I always looked at women that way, no. When I did have sex with my wife there was no interest in other women. Now the hatred that I have for her is immense. I will never have that love for her anymore even if we have sex again.Is it a illness that she has, no. When she was pregnant she just did not want me to touch her. I respected that.Her want for me never came back.
    If I have an opportunity to have sex with another women I will. My love for her will be there. But my Love for her gone forever.

  • Comment Link Dino Friday, 12 August 2016 09:26 posted by Dino

    Whatever you feel it doesn't have to dominate you. If you can't get along with yourself but need someone for some things always, that means you have to grow and become more conscious. All these strong desires and emotions stem from much older experiences. While feeling these things you can stay conscious and observe what is going on under the strong impulses. You will be surprised what you'll find there... Become more independent of others' judgement! It will free you and make you happy. THEN you are ready for a good relationship.

  • Comment Link deano Wednesday, 03 August 2016 15:50 posted by deano

    I am a psychologist, a man, and 49 years old. I have been married 20 years and together for 25 with the same wonderful woman. We have two teenage boys whom I absolutely adore. I am also bisexual but monogamous.

    People are incredibly complicated but we all have a limited scope with which to view reality. We try to simplify things to make them more understandable but the reality is that by doing so we miss a huge amount of information. Viewing things as all or none, black and white limits our understanding of reality.

    I have met, talked to, and worked with a variety of men and women who all vary in their degree of sexual orientation, sexual identity, drive for sexuality, etc. There are numerous dimensions that our culture historically has not recognized or has vilified for far too long, and we all vary across all of them. This makes the issue/problem of sexuality extremely complicated and not easily discussed for what is "normal."

    Myself, I have struggled with my sexual orientation identity for most of my life. I have experienced such a range of emotions regarding my attraction to members of both sexes that I have literally been driven mad, at times. When I was younger I seriously believed in (and looked forward to) a time in my life when I would be more master of my sexuality than a slave to it.

    I am extremely spiritual and even pursued religious life within the Catholic church at one point. I believe some are called to and genuinely enjoy celibacy. I don't believe that I could ever achieve that without suffering mightily. I have come to accept that a certain (high) level of sexual drive is part of my nature. However, I am a very reserved person and respect others enough to not inflict my desires upon them. This is especially true of my wife who has expressed to me before that she probably could happily live the rest of her life without sex.

    Over the course of decades I have come to realize about myself that I actually do suffer if I do not have sex often enough. I am not sure that I have experienced physical pain but could imagine that some do. I do not believe that this justifies aggressive sexual acts, because it simply doesn't. However, it can be maddening. It does affect my emotional well-being. It is a vital part of most intimate relationships, in general, regardless of frequency. Sex is one aspect of intimacy, and for many men is unsatisfying in and of itself within a committed relationship. Other types of sharing and connection are required for sex to be truly fulfilling for most men.

    However, I have also referred to men as switches on a wall (especially teenagers). I used to teach and commented in class that a teenage boy's best friends are a big desk and a tight pair of jeans. Our sexual response can feel out of our control, and unlike many women, can be devoid of the need for other forms of intimacy. Although, it is fulfilled within an broadly intimate relationship with others, the basic sex drive for many men can be fulfilled without other forms of intimacy. Please note again, I am not endorsing aberrant, violent, etc. sexual behavior.

    Sexuality is a tremendous source of discomfort for many men. It is difficult to discuss and is often humiliating when it is discussed. We are called to a certain "ideal" and all judge ourselves lacking in comparison to that. I have come to realize that my own sense of self depends upon sexual expression and connection, despite my beliefs during my younger years that the two were independent. It has literally taken me years to wrap my mind around that fact, comfortably.

    I have already been too long-winded, but so much more could be said.

  • Comment Link Thor Sunday, 17 July 2016 15:39 posted by Thor

    To be honest with you although you may not like it but From a man's perpesctive . Sex is a need and not a want for men. Men and women are different. If I don't have sex when I need to I can't focus on my daily activities as a man. It doesn't matter whom we have sex with once we are in need of sex. Most married men will have sex with anybody when in need as long as the wife is not aware, of course he will deny if you ask him but it is just a fact. Men do not associate love with sex the way women do.

  • Comment Link JustPassingBy Friday, 15 July 2016 16:20 posted by JustPassingBy

    To all those feminist comments: Men need sex, need praise and comfort from their woman, need the feel to have a woman that deeply desires to fulfill her beloved mans needs. Do we die a painful death if we dont get the above? No. But it greatly affects ones personality, mental health and overall well beeing. Does a child die from beeing verbally abused or heavily restricted by its parents? No. Same pattern (although in a somewhat lighter version).

    If you are married as a woman, it is your female duty to make your man feel like a man. Goes along with giving him lots of sex. Not everytime, not all the time, not whenever he wants, but still plenty, so he feels comfortable. Your man gave up his sexual independence, just for you, although he might have a crazy high sex drive. He is willing to heavily restrict himself just to give you that special feeling that you are his pretty, unique snowflake and no other woman comes close to you.

    It might be tough sometimes, but how would you feel, when you´re in need of your steady rock, which you can rely on, who gives you security, who protects and supports you and "he just doesn´t feel like it today" ?

    And if you still feel like his desires are too much of a burden for you, well, then maybe you picked the wrong type of partner, to begin with.

  • Comment Link randy samples Sunday, 10 July 2016 11:48 posted by randy samples

    i don't know if this a u.s.a thing. or what are we that unfamiliar with each other,men and women. I think so
    I am a man,I have gone a year with out release. a few times, it can be very painful. I did not create my body.
    It feels so painful I drop to my knees.
    I had a girl that would withhold sex. Until I withheld it longer.a few times. She stopped doing that. you know
    that was my to with hold. just like her.

  • Comment Link AyyLMAO Monday, 13 June 2016 17:20 posted by AyyLMAO

    Whoa, hold up. Ever think that OP's husband may actually BELIEVE what he is saying? Don't just assume that men are always manipulative.

    In regards to OP's post, the best thing to do is to get the objective facts from a source that can be trusted.

  • Comment Link Cristina Sunday, 12 June 2016 02:17 posted by Cristina

    It's rather sad and dissappointing to read many of the comments made here by men. And before you say I shouldn't comment on it because I'm a woman: facts are facts, objective facts, and we have two of those here:

    1. Sex is a desire, it's an urge. Buy however this desire/urge might vary from person to person, sex is NEVER an actual need. Food and air are.

    2. If you're uncomfortable and even in pain, you can always masturbate. Even if it's not quite as good as having sex with a woman, it WILL solve the problema being discussed here: an uncomfortable or painful feeling from lack of sex.

    The OP's husband is clearly manipulating her into giving him what he wants, while he clearly doesn't really care about what she wants. That's unhealthy and unfair whichever way you look at it.

    I find particularly troubling these comments:

    "To withhold this is an aggressive act" You can surely all see how this justifies violence and even sexual violence against a woman by her partner. After all, SHE was the aggressor, right?.

    "So, women, please don't deny your husbands/partners of their physical needs. It will make them much better persons, and much better in their relationship with you. A lot of the "inexplicable" breakdowns in relationships, violence among couples, etc (not trying to justify this) are often due to a mismatch in sexual needs. And we make things worse by our lack of understanding on this front"
    Notice how this guy's solution to that mismatch in sexual "needs" is for the woman to submit to her husband's,regardless of what she wants.

    BTW, the "need" argument is the typical excuse given by rapists. They have "needs", they couldn't control themselves, blah blah. Fact is, what they have is a desire/urge that they can control, ALWAYS, and for that matter, there's always a way for them to give themselves release.

  • Comment Link Johns Son Friday, 25 March 2016 00:10 posted by Johns Son

    There is life beyond sex drive and sexual passion. I too have ventured past the "need" for sex and feel a huge burden has lifted from my life. It's so liberating not relying on female acknowledgement and attention to feed my self worth. Don't miss my libido one bit. Good riddance I say! Time for more important things in life.

  • Comment Link IHK Sunday, 13 March 2016 23:09 posted by IHK

    I disagree with this person' husband. I haven't had any sexual activity or any desire for sexual activity in many years, and I feel great. It does not bother me in the slightest, but it does bother my partner. She takes it as a rejection of her, which is nonsense. I just lack the need and the desire, and this has nothing to do with whether she is attractive or not. It is as if I have gone beyond this stage in my life. And this has been the case for several years. The whole tacky business is Nature's trick to ensure that continuation of species. Only humans have disguised this as an expression of love. It is all to do with reproduction and nothing else. Having had my children, I no longer felt any need for further sexual contact. Awkward, undignified and ludicrous, why go through all that any more? And before anyone thinks I am asexual, my former life was highly charged. But it isn't anymore. It is in the past, as is the childhood of my children.

  • Comment Link Mark Samson Tuesday, 01 March 2016 18:35 posted by Mark Samson

    (Heterosexually)Piece "A" goes into slot "B"... Feminism ignores this anatomical fact and often marginalized men's physical desire for sex. Will we die without it? No... Do we need physical release? Yes... End of story. Feminism starts with the concept that any position of submission is wrong. Is it wrong for a man to submit to a woman's needs? Any relationship requires give and take... Even in the bedroom.

  • Comment Link July Wednesday, 10 February 2016 01:19 posted by July

    If you are a woman you shouldn't be responding to this. My balls were in soooo much pain the other day. The pain felt like someone was kicking me in that area constantly. I had to masturbate to relieve that pain. Bottom line that is a real reality for men. You should continue doing what you're doing. You're not betraying yourself as a woman.

  • Comment Link Onieh Friday, 29 January 2016 20:42 posted by Onieh

    People who feel like they are going to die if they do not have sex, have a sexual addiction. They masturbated too many times or had sex too many times to a point it was unhealthy, and so they are so hooked on it that they will not be happy if they can't get sex and would rather die than live a life without sex. Those people are foolish and I do speak from my own experience of being a fool in this area by becoming hooked on masturbation. But I intend to be free of my addiction this year. And If i am free then i will never masturbate again. I believe we can control our sexual urges. You have been duped by your husband. But it is most likely the case that your husband himself was duped into thinking he needs sex. Society constantly tells us we need sex and there are many other people who try to drive this into our heads that sex is a biological need and that we cannot be happy without it. As you yourself noted, there are celibate men in the world who choose to live such a lifestyle voluntarily. If it was unbearable pain, then we wouldn't see celibate men. Abstaining from sex is only unbearably painful for people who have a sexual addiction. For such people the best thing for them to do is to break their addiction somehow. Once they do that, then they will never feel like that again so long as they don't turn to sex as an emotional or physiological crutch.

  • Comment Link December Friday, 22 January 2016 07:12 posted by December

    What can happen if I may not have sex for whole year as I am a male

  • Comment Link He-man Wednesday, 13 January 2016 15:49 posted by He-man

    A good wife should be willing to please her husband. If she is not willing to do what he request, she isn't ready to be married to him; and she might be better off getting married to some guy who doesn't want the same that her husband desires. Maybe she will like doing those things for her new hubby, since she obviously doesn't enjoy being physical with her husband. Why do men get married anyways? Women don't love men, they love money. Almost all women are prostitutes, some just collect their earnings slowly (getting married), and others get paid up front. I need a rich old lady to marry me, so I can make her think I want her, then use all of her cash to go bang some broads I acually find attractive (who cares if they don't like me back, I aint gonna marry them).

    Or maybe people should only get married if they are sexually attracted to their partner. If the sex stops (without authorization from a licensed medical care physician), the marraige is over anyways (so why beat a dead horse?). Just make sure the kids are taken care of.

  • Comment Link Male Sunday, 10 January 2016 07:14 posted by Male

    Wow, a lot of these comments are angry judgments and misinformation. I'm a doctor, father to be and also feel this sensation of pain/discomfort from time to time. Here is my professional opinion and personal experience. The pain is not from sperm backup so to speak. It is from being aroused and getting no release. Not all men experience the sensation but those that do know it is real. When I lived alone, more specifically slept alone in my own bed, I have gone months without release and could probably go longer without any pain or discomfort. There have also been times that I masturbated daily/multiple times a day usually for pleasure a lot of times from feeling so aroused I felt I had to get it out (generally no pain in this situation and not a necessity as I've overcome it by just leaving the house ie a distraction). Now that I sleep with a female I find attractive nightly, in other words my wife, I have found that I cannot go longer than 2 weeks without release and that is a stretch. In this situation arousal is normal and in fact healthy but I cannot just "leave the house" or find distraction. Being in this situation on a nightly basis without release eventually takes its tole and my testicles become tender and an actual sensation of pain eventually comes up my sides. Physiologically this makes sense as your hormone driven sex drive says, "Hey! Lets impregnate that woman already! What's wrong with you?" So commonly not only is there a pain sensation but a feeling of being displeased with my wife and even anger. This is where I rub one out and go to sleep. I've spoken to my wife about this and it makes her feel inadequate so I don't use it as leverage or bring it up constantly. In fact it turns me off if I know she is just doing it for me. The fact that she knows gives me solace and men have to understand that as much as you may want/need it she may not. Women need to understand this is not a ploy if your partner is expressing concerns. So what it comes down to is who's needs are more important in the relationship? The answer should be neither. Find balance.

  • Comment Link Adam Wednesday, 06 January 2016 22:38 posted by Adam

    I've been married 49 years and sex with my new bride was disgusting and boring. A gnats dick is longer than my attention span. I informed her there would be no more sex from me, if she wanted a lover I had no problem with that. So to be honest I masterbated and read porn until the computer came into vogue and then the computer was my way of viewing. Over the years I would ejaculate two or three times a day. When I was about 60 I wore the poor thing out, now I just look at porn.

  • Comment Link Becky Nolan Sunday, 27 December 2015 00:17 posted by Becky Nolan

    Can i trust you, are you a woman of your words, are you honest, it's hard to find a woman that keep to her words this days i have been stabbed in the back alot, i want a person that her yes is yes and her no is no, i don't want someone i will trust with the whole of my heart and at the end the person will let me down. People only say they love you but they can not prove it.

  • Comment Link Dave Tuesday, 08 December 2015 17:46 posted by Dave

    In certain situations a man can become very uncomfortable when he has not has some form of sexual release. He can also become depressed, angery, or irritated very easily. Its not painful, but does cause discomfort. However, depending on his sex drive this should not be an every day occurrence. While you make an effort to help maintain a level of comfortability for him, your needs and wants must also be part of his concern as well. For most women sex is an emotional connection. Women become sexually accepting after a man shows proper interest and attentive actions. If you want to stop feeling a betrayal of self talk to your husband about your wants and desires. We men are kinda dumb so guide him to make you enjoy the sex as well. Also if you don't feel like it than tell him. Let him take care of it himself. Have fun!

  • Comment Link Adele Friday, 04 December 2015 02:45 posted by Adele

    I am stunned by the comments. I think I read one or two that actually have some wisdom. The other ones made me question what century we are in. Sex for pleasure is not a physical need. In fact there are benefits to not ejaculating. Look up Tantra sexual practices. A person should never dismiss their own emotional needs to satisfy their partner as this woman does. He uses this idea of pain to get what he wants. And to all the men that need sex to feel self confidence, you have a long way to go as far as personal growth. We all need to feel loved but using sex as your vice to feel good about yourself is definitely not healthy. Being in relationship means respect for the other and not forcing and manipulating them to get sex whenever you want.

  • Comment Link Iris Sunday, 22 November 2015 14:26 posted by Iris

    This is truly a blessing. I will NEVER withhold sex, making love to my husband, EVER! Thank you for all of this, I'm forever grateful. God bless.

  • Comment Link Dickie Gallagher Sunday, 22 November 2015 10:07 posted by Dickie Gallagher

    Bottim line...

    In male as well
    as female neuro/psycho/sexual biology there us actual of human existence.

    Food
    Sleep
    Sex

    We need sexual release. Of course, until our bodies can no longer function sexually. And that could be anytime for any reason.

    Male sexual release ? It's biologically necessary. I won't go into all the biological benefits.

    The primary outlet ... A mate. I won't go into the immoral facets ... Religion, etc. that's between you and God.

    Single men ... Masturbate. But, this is critical, we are all different. Different natures and nurtures. Males that were abused act accordingly. Males from loving and supportive families act accordingly.

    I cannot judge anyone, other than those who physically or mentally harm others from their own sexual deviations. However, masturbation for sexual release in the Cintemporary if celibacy is normal male bioligical function. But... And this again is critical. What is normal for Bill may not be normal for John.

    Male and female He made them. We are designed to procreate. Question is ... What do if a mate not available, or unwilling ?

  • Comment Link James Friday, 20 November 2015 17:32 posted by James

    First of all, I agree, a female has no clue as to the nuances of having a male anatomy, same goes for a male trying to downplay the sensations felt by females, but we are all different, and speaking of as a male who does suffer the pain associated with non release after being stimulated, i assure you it is real, and it is painful, but this also does not mean all males suffer this condition. I have never used this as leverage to get my mate to give in, but to the men who do not suffer this, consider yourself lucky, but don't state this doesn't happen to others. Every person is different, we all like different things, have different emotional along with physical feelings, pain tolerance, etc etc etc. its really a shame when you have a partner who doesn't see the importance of filling their partners needs, but this is A TWO WAY STREET.

  • Comment Link Henny Saturday, 17 October 2015 20:45 posted by Henny

    "At least I was still performing my wifely duty",
    "Because of this apparent physical need"
    "or if I've fallen for some line men use to make sure their wives give them sex regularly"

    It must be though for you to wake up every morning and see his face than? So you undergo emotional displeasure just to please him? It sounds like a job!

    Did you meet him, fall into a fog and wake up to find out you got married to this man?

    Have you never spoken to him about what you & him expect from sex and how important sex is to either of you before you got married? I understand that marriage is much more than the total sum of happiness, love, sex and trust but have you tried to communicate with him? Really communicate because apparently there are things you have an issue with that is not getting solved.

  • Comment Link MachoBMW Wednesday, 30 September 2015 20:54 posted by MachoBMW

    I don't think you can remove any part of my body that would make my sexual desires less. With or without fluid, when it starts to "urge" yes I will f***k the mindless robot. When I still did not have the fluids I was the same way. It's funny when females make comments on this purely male issue. They give no flying f***k how it feels and they cannot. It's same like men can judge what labor pains are. We can ONLY image, we cannot feel it. (for the record: recently it became possible for men to feel labor pains so in case of interest any man can experience this).

  • Comment Link Jolene Monday, 14 September 2015 17:39 posted by Jolene

    My husband always told me he "needed" sex at least 2 times a week.

    Then he started having trouble getting and keeping an erection. When he realized that Viagra wasn't always reliable, he suddenly decided he no longer "needs" sex at all.

    His testosterone is normal.

    Where did his apparent twice a week "need" for physical intimacy with his wife go?

  • Comment Link Wolf Wednesday, 09 September 2015 01:39 posted by Wolf

    When people with penises feel the need to have sex, but can't get it, masturbation is the go to.

    Sexual frustration isn't physically painful, more so mentally, which is just as important. Sexual frustration for me tends to come in cycles, oddly enough just like a pirod. I get irritable and very intolerant, i start to question how disireable I am and I even get frustrated with masturbarion because it not real making me not want to do it, in the end I end up grinding my pillow and hating my self when I am done afew days latter all that resolves.

    Sexual frustration isn't physically painful its more mentally

  • Comment Link Wikkyped Sunday, 06 September 2015 05:07 posted by Wikkyped

    Firstly, women are in no position to comment on the urges of men.

    It is a physical need.
    Personally, the interest in the opposite sex started from my earliest memory, which is interest in her character , her face, mostly personality.
    However sexual interest began around puberty. It is a physical build up of semen and or hormones.
    The amount available affects thoughts and mood.
    It has nothing to do with love.
    It is physical desire that could be satisfied by a mindless robot.

  • Comment Link Plain Jane Friday, 21 August 2015 20:54 posted by Plain Jane

    Physical need? I don't believe so. My husband had his prostate removed several years ago. He no longer has any fluid to ejaculate. If it were a physical need to release pent up sperm and fluid, then why is he still relieved after orgasm when no fluid or sperm have been expelled? Why does he still get horny?

    Every man who has had a vasectomy no longer releases sperm. The sperm are absorbed by the body. So the theory that it is a build up of sperm that causes the ache doesn't hold water.

    Testosterone (which acts like a drug), the male imagination, and years of self relieving habits is what causes the individual male sexual desire patterns to develop. Men have trained their minds and bodies to rely, enjoy, and anticipate sexual release at a certain frequency. It is an addiction to the pleasure attained from orgasm. It has nothing to do with a build up of sperm.

    Men (and our society) have also attached a huge portion of ego to sexual performance and attainment. That's why they want nothing more than to have their partner crave them physically and initiate sex...it boosts their ego and makes them feel on top of the world. That's what makes them feel like a man.

    To the best of my knowledge, no one has ever died from being too horny.

    What these guys are feeling is withdrawal symptoms from an addiction that started long before the wife entered the picture. Perhaps they need it 2-3 times a week. Perhaps once a week feels right. No matter what their pattern, it is one they developed on their own and now they expect the female to take over.

    People live, breathe, and thrive without sexual intercourse all the time.

    Alcoholics can live without alcohol, but it becomes uncomfortable and the cravings get almost unbearable at times. Withdrawal symptoms set in and the alcoholic will do almost anything for a drink. Sound familiar?

  • Comment Link Michael Tuesday, 18 August 2015 22:20 posted by Michael

    I can only speak for myself. It would seem that this does not apply to all men (if we can believe some of the commenters), but it must apply to some men including me (if we can believe some of the commenters). I just wish that people (male and female) who don't go through this, would stop JUDGING and CONDEMNING someone like me who does go through it -- and stop saying we're "making silly excuses". As for me, if I don't at least masturbate and indulge in sexual thoughts, I get an awful feeling inside my penis. It literally makes me get down on the floor and beat my hand hard against the floor ! I am used to masturbating daily. If I don't masturbate for let's say a week, the tip of my penis actually gets an awful TWITCH, as in a nerve twitching . I'll do anything to avoid the risk of that twitch happening. Also, I had kidney stone surgery earlier this year and couldn't masturbate for a few weeks. By the time a couple weeks went by, I was literally ready to empty out my 401 K and beg my own NIECE just to wear a BRA and PANTIES for me (not have sex). Luckily, I didn't call her and ask her to do it, and I made it until I was able to masturbate. I'm telling you, you have no idea how intense the sexual urge can be. For me, it's not so much a "mental" thing, as it is an area in the middle of my urethra that gets uncomfortable and itchy. If I don't relieve it, eventually it will feel like a thorn is stuck in there. I have always wished there was a way to go up into the urethra and relieve that spot in there. I was hoping when I had the kidney stone surgery, that by going up in there, maybe it would "open up" the bad spot / itchy spot / "thorn". But after I healed from the surgery, I was right back to square one.

  • Comment Link Anthony Tuesday, 21 July 2015 13:48 posted by Anthony

    Hi

    Physical ace; there are times when I feel that a woman needs to touch me there, which turns into an urge. Rather, majority of the Urge

    Now, you mentioned "Physical need". Your husband has what he needs and that's you. A man does need a woman, he needs her attention and presence.

    I'm 26 and have been single my whole life. I had sex when I was a teen and have been intimate with other women along the way but no sex. It has been with just that one person, we were 18 yrs old. Long time, I know.

    With out sex being apart of my life in such a long time, more of what hurts in means of relieving my self, is the thought that I want someone to want me. "Getting off" with a woman is wonderful its what we desire, and yes the urges are there.

    I think your husband is being silly, he's not wrong but silly. He has you, you love him, he knows that and that's what is important.

    Me, being celibate this whole time, my "physical need" is knowing that a woman desires me rather than "Getting off". Maybe I feel this way because I'm tired of being alone majority of the time.

    Your husband is fine and so are you.

  • Comment Link Justin Sunday, 26 April 2015 23:05 posted by Justin

    I'm a guy and I have no problem criticizing other men for what I see as a sense of sexual entitlement to a woman's body. This sense of entitlement is leading men to frustration and making men think they have a right to it anytime they want. Women my advice is to have sex 3/4 of the time he wants it and deny him the other times just to raise some frustration in him which will help him learn to overcome his primitive urges - an accomplishment that makes you feel great as a man. You can go a DAMN long time without a release if you just exercise self control. Men: Your wife's needs are much more important than ejaculating; please stop acting like you can't control it - I'm a guy and I know you can - stop making silly excuses and get control of yourself and think about your wife/girlfriend's needs before your own. You will be more happy than every before.

  • Comment Link Sgt. Pepper Sunday, 15 February 2015 00:16 posted by Sgt. Pepper

    No, your ex has been selling you a bill of goods.

    Don't get me wrong. We men sure do like sex. If we don't get it we get a sort of antsy, horny feeling that is distracting under normal civilian circumstances. But we don't need it the way we need food. In training and two deployments in the military, sex hardly crossed my mind for months at a time.

    After my wife left me and I was really into the Church and the Bible, I went two years or maybe a bit more without masturbating. I wet-dreamed about every three months or so, so that tells you what is biologically necessary.

    Maybe I'm different. I do not get a painful feeling of pressure building up anywhere down there unless I need to use the men's room. Sex is very nice, but you know what would be even nicer? Waking up in the morning in the arms of a woman who loves me and cares about me, and who would never hurt me or abandon me. Maybe someday...

  • Comment Link Dave Heaney Tuesday, 13 January 2015 23:55 posted by Dave Heaney

    Testosterone say it three times let it sink in, this is the chemical which causes boys-youths-men to act like idiots.

    As a child when we are out of nappies and can pee on our own it feels good standing looking down directing the flow.

    As we mature this little pee thing starts to become hard we touch it,and start to play with it.

    We listen to older boys bragging about sex and think someday I'll try that. So begins the journey in search of sex. It will never leave us and will cause a lot of problems,guilt,and really lead us all mad.

    Relationships will start and finish families fall apart because of it and hearts broken through it. It can lead to insanity, men will be locked up,divorced and shunned if they fail to control it. Yet it is used in the sale of every product you can mention.

    It is the most deadly of the seven sins its called Lust. All driven by Testosterone.

  • Comment Link L Friday, 02 January 2015 13:51 posted by L

    Dear Sophia, this discussion have been running for a long time and who knows if you will even be back to read this comment I will leave it anyway.
    I read all the comments below and all I can do to not cry for the men below is tell you the following:
    Your husband needs, not want, but needs sex to feel whole and complete and yes to be healthy and happy. What you have in your hands is not the chore of seeing to his needs, but the beautiful power of being his other half.
    Women don't seem to realize that part of making the commitment of marriage for a man is to not let his need for love, intimacy and sex be fulfilled by any other than the woman that he marries. He craves sex, but while his physical need is very real, he has a much deeper need to be wanted and desired by you. Deep down he wants to be your knight in shining armor, your one and only, the one who rocks your world, the one who makes you cry out in ecstasy.
    Sex, unlike the pornography industry likes to portray it, is a lot less about sex than it is about how it makes you feel. A satisfying and fulfilling sexual relationship makes you feel like you own the world and have courage to face almost anything. This is true for men as well as women who allow themselves to explore their own sensuality.
    If you want to be helped, go to your husband and say: honey I need help! Please help me explore my own sensuality so that we can have the richest possible sex life. Admit that you don't know what you like, but also that you are committed to finding out. Get to know your own body, masturbate if you have to, but let him be a part of it. Start talking, before he gets so withdrawn because of your continuous rejection that you can't pull him out of his shell.
    Whatever you do, DON'T listen to the advice of women who have not learned to embrace their own sexuality and who can't enjoy sex themselves.

    I wish you and your other half many mind blowing sexcapades!

  • Comment Link iminpainandneedittoo Saturday, 20 December 2014 01:31 posted by iminpainandneedittoo

    YES !!!!!!!!!!! Keep up the good work.

  • Comment Link JJ Tuesday, 16 December 2014 00:47 posted by JJ

    No. Have you ever seen a priest? No sex. If you are a christian then you believe in Jesus. No sex for him either lol. He doesn't have to have it to survive, but it still is a need since need's definition is "Require (something) because it is essential or very important"

  • Comment Link anthony ingram Saturday, 22 November 2014 13:47 posted by anthony ingram

    If you dont give your man sex for too long presure will build up and he will be in pain until release of seamen. If he dont masturebate the seimen will not be clean and will be hard to have babies. I am male and dont get much sex in my lifetime so take it from me I know. Its painful ok I dont like to feel like a wanker and some women make me sick if you dont want sex dont have a relationship derrr.

  • Comment Link cflo1 Thursday, 20 November 2014 18:47 posted by cflo1

    I'm pretty sure it is much more of a need for men...According to a book I was reading yesterday men need about 3-4x the amount (and are far readier for sex at any old flip of the switch moment) of sex women do and yes it also said something about them not being able to 'get along' without it...Extensive research was done...And actual sex is much better than masturbation. You weren't duped.

  • Comment Link kah Tuesday, 18 November 2014 13:24 posted by kah

    Aww bless you have been lied to me and my partner have just read the replays and the men are over re acting. . I've just had a beautiful baby girl and she was 10 weeks Monday gone and we haven't got down to it yet.... not for the want of my fella trying it's just i don't feel secure and sexy and until I do he can wait. ... nothing makes me think he'd cheat or look elsewhere as he loves me and only me.... IF A MAN GOES ELSEWHERE HE'S NOT IN LOVE ... COZ FOR LOVE YOU'LL DO ANYTHING ... even if it means waiting for sex

  • Comment Link Rose Friday, 24 October 2014 16:56 posted by Rose

    Men can get blue balls or temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and pain if they have prolonged unsatisfied sexual arousal.

    I am a female and I have an extremely high sex drive or lust drive and my partner is to different things that I am not into so for me not having lust filled crazy sex I find immensely emotionally painful and I find it hard to commit to a relationship, so I think it can be just as bad for women. i fantasise about sex most of the time and when my partner who I love dearly doesn't fulfil me or we argue about sex it is emotionally distressing.

  • Comment Link Thefirstfish Wednesday, 15 October 2014 15:18 posted by Thefirstfish

    Sex is an utterly overpowering need for most men. The desire has both physical and emotional elements and is deeply tied with feelings of love in a long-term relationship. It continually gets stronger until released. I don't think the majority of women would ever be able to understand it, just as I and other men won't ever quite understand women's needs. Men and women are extremely different when it comes to relationships and unless you live and feel those needs, you just won't be able to appreciate the nuances.

    There are a very few women who have a similarly high sex drive but probably only for certain periods of their lives. For men it's pretty much there from puberty to death and actually gets stronger with age in many cases. I feel so sorry for men who are stuck in sexless marriages, whether through a sense of duty, circumstances, or simply love for a partner who stops giving back.

    I'm unfortunate to have an extremely high sex drive even for a guy, combined with poor long-term relationship skills. I get casual encounters sometimes, but not nearly often enough to satisfy me. Masturbation helps stave off the underlying urges but only so far, there's nothing like having a real, soft, warm and willing woman in your arms.

    The need is so significant that I will design my entire life and career around fulfilling it. I am now planning to move to a low-income country where sex with attractive women is affordable and just pay for it if needed so that I can go about the rest of my life (building a business etc.) without being constantly distracted. That is really not the way that I saw my life going, but the alternative of continuing to live with these continual urgent feelings is unthinkable for me.

    I wouldn't ever get married because I hear too many stories about sexless marriages or other forms of betrayal by partners.

    Maybe if sex is really a chore, just give BJs? With most guys that's a 5 minute job or less (not me, actually, I have a bizarre mix of very rapid arousal and 20-30 min stamina). Surely 5 minutes of fairly easy work once a day, or less often depending on partner's drive, isn't too much to pay for ensuring a happy marriage? For some guys, even just letting them masturbate with you or onto you would suffice. Sating the urge is mostly about visual stimulation and feeling that the one you love is involved in some way.

    There are also a few guys out there who never have or lose sex drives for some psychological or medical reason, so if you're against having sex ever, probably best to find one of those.

  • Comment Link  penny Sunday, 07 September 2014 13:19 posted by penny

    Hi ,
    I have been in a relationship for over 4 years. I am also going through the menopause too.! So I have no sex drive at all. In fact could easily go join the nu nary! How ever my relationship is being affected because of it. When we do have physical contact it's not intercourse as it hurts and he ends up masturbating and coming all over me. Very occasionally I am relaxed and turned on enough to have normal sex and it's really special. I feel close to him and feel a real bond I guess I feel like he doesn't do enough foreplay for me to lead up to intercourse. I mean the slow kissing, hugging and feeling like I'm really special to him. I don't think he cares and so this affects my mind. Guess for a woman it's the little things that really make a difference and the end result can be great sex. I thought I understood men, but we really are very different. It's a wonder we get on. Props that's why their are so many gays today, they're on the same page in every aspect.!!

  • Comment Link Tim Friday, 05 September 2014 22:00 posted by Tim

    You girls are nuts. You think he's lying? Lol. You know how the male anatomy works rt? When you're aroused your sperm gets preloaded into tubes attatched to Ur testacles. If you don't ejaculate and get aroused a few more times it starts to ache!! It hurts really bad sometimes. I didn't believe it but my gf held out on me all day one time and holy cow, when I finally got up to take care of myself I could hardly walk to the bathroom because it ached soo bad. They even hurt to the touch!! total case of blue balls, my god. I've never had it like that because I always give in to my urges if I can't get any so it was My fault for waiting so long I guess. I was just rly hoping she'd be down for some action.

    So Ya you can deny him but he'll take care of himself. And when he sees another pretty girl, he'll wonder if she'd treat him the same way. Good way to put doubt in his mind. Ofcourse he'll hang on for a while, but how long??

    And celibate men take care of themselves. No doubt about that. Their vows are for no sex.

  • Comment Link royce Tuesday, 05 August 2014 01:29 posted by royce

    To make things short we men are like animals. while you are still young were like animals in sex men are dominant thats why we produce sperm so much. So we need sex as much as we can have guys answer me this every time your mind is vacant what do you think of specially when you see nice legs or body shape that you like..?? Aging is a diff thing but still why do old man use viagra ??? Its stil about sex yes??? Man needs sex as much as we want. We are very moody when we dont get some

  • Comment Link emz Thursday, 10 July 2014 21:23 posted by emz

    Will for me I been hearing that guys need sex..me and my husband have not been having sex..12/12/12 I lost my baby because I had a tubal pregnancy and that hurt me so much after that he does not want to have sex with me he says he tried because he had two job both 8 hours is it true or can there be somebody else because when he came home from work he changes his brief I see stains of sperm on it..I ask him and he told me it because we have not had sex for a long time that why I am leaking and I am like what ever..can he be cheating on me..I need you help it been more then a year that we have not have sex we had sex once in September and I got pregnant after that we never had sex again..

  • Comment Link KentA Saturday, 28 June 2014 22:10 posted by KentA

    It it my opinion that you are being duped. Your husband's "need" to have sex is an excuse to get what he wants. I am a sexaholic in recovery. It sounds as though your husband has an overly active drive, much as a person who drinks excessive amounts of alcohol has an overly active drive to drink. Whether or not that person is alcoholic - or your husband is sexaholic - can only be answered by that person.

    I have been married 33 years. Most of those years I was actively sexual with my wife, but also with myself and with others people. I have been abstinent in my marriage for two years now as I sober up in recovery. My desire to have sex is definitely there; my motive is questionable. If I want to have sex to relieve my frustration then I am not looking at my wife's needs. Yes, she is sexually driven and at times frustrated by my abstinence, but she also respects my needs to get better and we are both getting better in recovery.

    No, men do not get a build up of energy that has to be released. If your husband "has to get it somewhere" he may be in danger of crossing a line that we as addicts always cross. This statement was an emotional ploy that my addictive mind played on me and I took it beyond any boundary I ever set for myself. I know that now. I also know that I can let go of the desire to build up my frustration and move on with the reality of daily life. Recovery has given me the tools to be an adult.

    I wish you and your husband luck in working this through. Peace to you both.

  • Comment Link Id be lucky Friday, 20 June 2014 00:37 posted by Id be lucky

    I am a husband and would absolutly love a wife as willing as you! He is a blessed man!

  • Comment Link Bill Sunday, 18 May 2014 12:58 posted by Bill

    Sometimes I wonder if my wife's so called emotional needs are real, or they are just a tactic she uses to manipulate me into giving her what she wants: money, a real life medival fantasy, much of my time, extemely sensitive care, and more importantly the possession of a lifetime of income should she simply decide to sign the marriage away and have the courts decide I'm the bad guy by default? Which one?

    Should I have married in the first place, or was I simply sold the honorable idea of egalitarianism, promised a change from the lonely realities of life, doing God's will, accomplishing the honorable thing to do to perpetuate society... And my own growth... Only to get screwed over behind every corner I search for a reasonable pursuit of happiness?

    It sounds like something we can all rally around as well educated Americans.

  • Comment Link Mark Naj Tuesday, 13 May 2014 21:00 posted by Mark Naj

    I must answer this, I am a male. I have a larger than average sized penis 4 "1/2" around girth and 11 length. My wife rarely wants sex because she takes so many pills, which is ruining my life. I am looking for places to satisfy my penis. I am willing to stick it in any place that will bring it pleasure. I have tried watermelons, French bread loaves, mattresses, tree holes, and an old denture wearing woman who reminds me of my grandmother. I even looked up a school friend because she used to like anal sex , yes I have stuck it there too. Men need sex because it starts to itch and only some good vigorous sex can soothe our penis.

  • Comment Link kris davies Thursday, 27 March 2014 20:25 posted by kris davies

    I think it depends on the individual. I am a man, and my wife is menopausal. We used to have a good sex life, It was never what you'd call "fantastic, porn-star quality sex" but I had no complaints. These past few years have been tough. She has little desire, and even on the occasions we do have sex I can tell that her hearts really not in it. Its just a race to an orgasm for her and thats it, she's done and we're done. Ten or fifteen minutes every two or three weeks, sometimes longer. I am as gentle, understanding, caring as I can possibly be. I'm pretty much a "house husband" since a heart attack awhile back but I do, clean, cook, paint, etc etc...trying to make her life better. I try to understand her lack of desire for sex, I tell her how much it bothers me, hurts me even. We've even gone to a counsellor to discuss it. Doesn't really make any difference. I do feel terrible though, I get agitated easily, frustrated easily, tense, don't sleep well, and this is ALL MOSTLY due to lack of sex ! Lack of feeling wanted or desired, or even appreciated. I dont understand it. There have been times in the past when she has wanted sex and I haven't but I was happy to accomodate her. Thats certainly not the case now. She actually gets angry saying thats "all i ever think of or want" and to tell the truth, to a large degree she's right. I hate feeling this way. Its ridiculous that men and women living together as husband and wife wouldnt be somewhat more "helpful" to the other.....I dont even bother to ask anymore, or mention that I "would like to"...I've been turned down so many times. She lets me know when she's ready and thats it for my sex life. Living like this is no good. I masturbate almost every day, at least once. She knows that too. Though I wouldnt specifically seek it out I dont think I'd be turning down any extramarital sex....with men or women...that happened to come my way. I think about it alot, and I've come to terms with it. In short, I do think sex and the intimacy associated with it is definitely a need. For some men, and women too I'm sure much more so than others. If you dont understand this then you just havent felt it. Good luck !

  • Comment Link Yaz Monday, 10 March 2014 00:59 posted by Yaz

    I am a woman and I have felt like your husband describes himself feeling when I am left hanging for too long, be it in marriage or not. It is worse when your spouse is right there and you can just imagine the comfort and pleasure you will feel if they will just be intimate with you, but they wont and its agonizing and I actually feel uncomfortable and at times pain goes from my pelvis and my back aches until we have it.
    I try to limit my time saying no, if I honestly could not do it be it painful or I am super angry or hurt I will say no because it has to be give and take and I am not to be used at his disposal whenever he feels. I do not allow myself to give in when I would feel I am betraying myself. But I also know that I hate him denying me more than once in a row so I would not do that to him unless I needed to for medical or emotional reasons.
    I don't understand this men need sex more than women business, I need sex and lots of it (but only from my husband) and I cannot remember a time in my adult life I did not feel this way.

  • Comment Link GoodMan Thursday, 06 February 2014 01:49 posted by GoodMan

    I am a man btw...I was reading this out of finding a solution because this need is killing me right now as my religious background prevents me from having sex without marriage. I will tell you exactly how it feels like to men when they don't have sex for a long time.

    After one week, it's bearable. After one month, it's very tough. After a year, it feels horrible...then again it's different from person to the other.

    And here is how it feels like...

    My body feels like it's stuck at high pressure, my heart keeps pounding, I am very angry, cannot focus, and I could yell at someone if they provoke me really easy.

    My performance at work drops to 30% because all I can think of is sex.

    My mussels are tense, my body heat is high, I feel like I can plow a mountain...but there is nothing to let loose of this energy even if I spent a night at the gym...will still feel the same way.

    ... It is horrible ...

  • Comment Link Whajonahle Wednesday, 29 January 2014 19:45 posted by Whajonahle

    Just to clarify ... when I said very well put, I thought my comment was linked to the man below who said it was more than physical. Also, I'd like to comment on the idea of "need." Intimacy is a basic HUMAN need, for both men and women, from the time we are infants. As adults, this need is expressed and fulfilled through sexual intimacy. And though we won't "explode" or "die" without sexual needs met, this basic primal drive will be sublimated, whether into eating, drinking, or some other usually harmful behavior; as well, anger, resentment, and blind rage will emerge, just as if a person was starving and the neighboring village had food in the Stone Age. No, we won't keel over and die as we would if we were starved, but there are MANY health risks (and, inversely, benefits) depending on the situation that cause long-term health problems. So when we talk about NEED, yes, it is a need. If a man or woman has pledged to be the sole provider of this, he or she is responsible for the other person's well-being. To withhold this is an aggressive act. I too believe that a woman's sex drive is probably as strong as a man's, at times ... however, I also believe the knowledge that a woman has the unique ability to satisfy this if she, indeed, wished to, almost at will, and men have a much more difficult time finding a partner, gives her the mental advantage of sustaining periods of wont without becoming as upset. Women have both a distinct advantage and a tremendous responsibility in this area. Please, for the sake of other men, don't abuse it.

  • Comment Link Whajonahle Wednesday, 29 January 2014 18:00 posted by Whajonahle

    Very well put. Too many women look at this as just a "sex" issue, as if we men are merely animals and it's only the physical sex drive that makes us miserable. Personally, I can vouch for everything you stated, having been in a technically "sexless" marriage for almost 16 years. The misery I endure every day has as much if not more to do with the lack of intimacy or worthiness felt, as if I don't deserve a normal relationship.

  • Comment Link ding dong Saturday, 05 October 2013 04:29 posted by ding dong

    I'm a female and who cares if it's true or not. Just do him he's your husband. but make sure it's always about you

  • Comment Link SophiaSEXY Wednesday, 07 August 2013 17:23 posted by SophiaSEXY

    Well, don't put all women in the same category ! I need sex every day and I had my first self- induced orgasm when I was 11... And yes, I'm a woman! I'm fact I initiate sex with my husband 95% of the time. I'm aware I'm not as common as other type of women. I do get irresistible urges and madturbation is just not as satisfying as an actual sweaty smelly man... Mmmm I get wet just typing it! You need to develop some kink and exersize regularly to boost your testosterone (my sex drive goes through the roof when I work out, otherwise it drops a lot)

  • Comment Link Roshan M Saturday, 08 June 2013 20:39 posted by Roshan M

    See if this helps:

    http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/02/14/how-to-think-more-about-sex-alain-de-botton/

  • Comment Link underdog Thursday, 06 June 2013 22:40 posted by underdog

    Dear Sophia, I am a man and I eat licorice and other herbal stuff even if harmful on long run, to keep my sex drive knocked down to suit my wife. I love her too much to use her as described by you or to end up being subject of scathing comments from those feminist women who have responded in this blog. True, my sex drive contrary to being a source of happiness has been just another distraction and shameful weakness thats pulling me down, coz iam not exactly married to some one like honest jane. Point is your husband is right. Men do need sex. But given the way most wives feel about sex, we do secretly feel a bit sick asking for it. Would rather give our gift of libido back to God and say no thanks unless he would reconsider bring the fairer sex up to speed.

  • Comment Link William Wednesday, 22 May 2013 05:35 posted by William

    I am a man who has not had sex in several years. I don't think it is the actuall physical aspect of sex that really matters. what is important is knowing that a woman wants him and is willing to share something so intimate with him. See it is not by choice that I have not been sexually active. I've just been unlucky in the department of attracting women. This has been very detrimental to both my physical and emotional health. I don't think I can explain it very well. The best way I can sum it up is I feel absolutely worthless and that I have no place in this world. I feel like this might be what your husband is feeling when he is rejected by you but might be confusing those feelings with the physical symptoms of being in the mood. Think about someone who eats emotionally. He/she might just be lonely but the feeling comes off as being hungry and eating satisfies that need for intimacy or at least takes his/her mind off of be alone. Sex in my opinion is definitely a need for your husband and I bet if you looked deeply within yourself, you would realize it is also a need for you as well. Imagine what you would feel like if your husband never tried to get into your pants. I bet it would not feel so good.

  • Comment Link Brian Saturday, 18 May 2013 08:48 posted by Brian

    Look, the responses here are rather weird, i can tell you from a MANS point of view, if i haven't had sex in a week or two i get grumpy, and cannot think straight, kinda like a woman when it's her time of the month. If my wife isn't willing ... well the shower is just as good *SOMETIMES* ... would rather have my wife use her hands* so much softer, i really cannot explain it, is it mandated by GOD that men must have sex??? I don't know, but i do know this, it is good for both partners releases tension, and gives you a feeling of satisfaction, so why not do it. Heard it has health benefits as well.

  • Comment Link Omer Friday, 26 April 2013 17:47 posted by Omer

    hi sofia...
    hope what i shall be writing helps you the way u want.

    1. "Sex is a need", it is utterly true. Men have more urge of having sex than women (most of the men would not agree to it).
    2. There are a few reasons why it is so. As far as i have read n discussed it with some of my doctor friends, and what we have come up is that "Having sex or getting discharged is a way of releaving ones self from the heat body is producing".
    3. Here what we need to understand or find is the source of this energy or heat. It is a natural process that gets triggered by the diet we take coupled with the daily routine we follow.
    4. Eating rich food (high calories, fats etc) triggers the metabolic reactions in the body causing an ultimate heat generation. Try recalling times once your husband eats to his full and especially once he eats meat his urge to have sex the same night increases...
    5. Having said all that now i shall come to the solution to it and it is as follows:-
    a. One of the ways is by presenting your husband a hole to relieve himself either by letting him have sex with you or letting him find it on the road. (Not very convincing one)
    b. This is the best in my opinion. Get to have your husband play a physical game (squash, soccer, etc) or atleast you should make him run n run fast so that he sweats. This would let him release energy n his desire or urge to have sex would reduce remarkably...

    Do mail me n let me know ur feed back, i would love to help you always...
    Take care
    Wish you a happy married life

  • Comment Link Sofia Wednesday, 17 April 2013 19:27 posted by Sofia

    I need a help.. Can a mature person help me pls??????? :(

  • Comment Link Honest Jane Sunday, 14 April 2013 22:25 posted by Honest Jane

    Some of these comments are absurd! The role of the wife is not to simply satisfy the needs of her husband. Women need GOOD sex just as much as men do. Here's a little secret I would love for men to understand: Women love sex just as much as men do! The key is to make it as enjoyable. Men orgasm at least 95% of the time, for women it is a lot less than 1/2. So what's the incentive for women to have sex with you? Make her orgasm. A little foreplay never hurt anyone, what's wrong with clitoral stimulation? If all you're looking for is to satisfy your own "craving", then you better get used to loving yourself. Why would your wife want to have sex with you? You've simply made sex into a chore. If you spent half the time focusing on your wife's needs rather than your own then maybe your sex life would improve. Men are always quick to blame their wives, but the truth is that maybe you should look for ways to better improve her sexual experience. It will only benefit the both of you.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 31 March 2013 01:14 posted by Guest

    wat would happend if the physical need(sex) is not fulfilled?it can make u depress,or can you get temprature in a mean while,Im thirty years old(female),and i have not been married,still waiting for my fiance to come n marry me,but whenever i need sex,psychologically i feel,i cant control this,and even i usually got temprature n distress due to unsatisfaction

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 21 March 2013 18:42 posted by Guest

    I'm married 26 years and have been putting up with minimal sex from my wife for most of those years. It is physically uncomfortable and this makes me very grumpy. I lose my temper easily when Iv been deprived for a week or more. My wife says she doesn't want to have sex with me because when she says no, I get mad! I say, we shouldn't even talk about this since if she said yes 2-3 times a week, it would not be an issue! But, ladies be certain that even when you say yes, it falls short of you initiating sex once in a while. Also note that men ignoring you, excessive sports watching, drinking too much and golfing every weekend are in fact a mans way of coping with a lack of sex. If you are not willingly having sex with you husband 2-3 times a week, he is unhappy!

    After two years of marriage therapy, where my wife spent the time justifying her right to deny me sex since it was her body (true but not a practical Stance to take) I have just served her with divor e papers. She is mad and won't stop crying. I don't understand this since I told her I can no longer live in a constant state of need. She refused to grand me permission to have sex with other women so what out one did she expect?

    It is sad for us but ladies, you have full control over the sex in your relationship. Use it wisely!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 20 March 2013 19:35 posted by Guest

    But the word that really got me thinking was that word “needs.” Do human beings have sexual “needs” or sexual “wishes?” Can both genders control their sexuality? Of course we can! Sex is no more a need than a trip to Saks Fifth Avenue. For our human survival we need, food, water and shelter. Period. Once that is achieved sex is needed for procreation. And it’s a handy way to create a strong bond with a dude who might father the offspring of our sexual encounter. But sex for pleasure? Nah, that’s not a need. It’s a wish. Ask any priest, nun, military spouse stationed abroad, prisoner, or elderly widow. Is sex necessary for their survival? Nope. But it’s a nice perk that comes with freedom, prosperity and good health.

    So here it is men.... combine that with the fact that many women don't want sex as much as men then it seems logical you need to focus on making your partner feel like they want to have sex if you want more sex. Don't forget that each woman will be different, so what works for one woman will not work for all women.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 04 March 2013 00:50 posted by Guest

    Yes, it is a physical need. Men produce sperm and seminal fluid everyday of their lives. As the containers of these two things fill up the man gets hornier and hornier until the containers fill up all the way at which point its too late and it becomes very painful for the guy. The closest pain a woman would have would be when she needs to pee and her bladder is full and there's no place for her to go and she has to keep holding it. Liquids when they fill their containers are very painful you feel like that part of you is going to burst. That's why when a guy says he needs it - he really needs it.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 03 March 2013 01:02 posted by Guest

    As a man... The short answer is yes... Although I would argue that it is more of an emotional need rather than a physical need.

    I don't want to trivialize it by saying that it's emotional. On the contrary, I find that without that physical connection I find it hard to concentrate on the needs of my family, I find it hard to resist looking at other women, and I slowly spiral into depression. And speaking only for myself, if I go tooling without sex I actually do experience some pain. Nothing earth shattering, put definite discomfort.

    Having said all of that, a husband *should* be mindful of his wife's feelings and needs. A wife is not there just so a man can satisfy his sexual longing. A husband has to satisfy his wife's needs for this to work.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 21 January 2013 16:16 posted by Guest

    Release for a woman...: nothing could be further from the truth! I'll honestly say that there IS a female version of "blue balls" and it is a horrible thing to suffer through. I feel very sorry for people whose lovers/spouses can't (or worse, won't) give them the release they so desperately need.

    Anna, when you say "release for a woman", do you mean she should necessarily climax, as in a man? For me, as a guy, climax is essential, or I still feel unrelieved. Just asking...

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 21 January 2013 02:53 posted by Guest

    Yes, it's true... in a way: Let me share my experiences to help you understand.

    I've been a virgin till I married at 27, and while girls did interest me I was the shy type (for a number of reasons of past experiences, etc)...

    When we got married, we had a lot of sex, for the first one, two and even five years. It was usually my wife who wanted it more.

    By the time the kids came along, this completely dried up. Though I had not changed much (in fact, I was only working harder, helping the kids, etc), I would almost always never get sex. For the past 14 years, my partner has almost never ever initiated it, and it has to be me asking (read: begging) for it all the time.

    This leaves me feeling very disappointed and lacking at two levels. At the physical level, since the time of my early teens, I've had the need to masturbate at least once every two days (which ties in well with what the others are saying about the production of semen and the need to evacuate it). So if I don't get sex, I would have to find some release for myself now too... If I don't, it leaves me feeling grumpy, angry and disappointed. Also a sense of unease in my genitals, which is constantly playing on my mind, and reminding me of sex at the slightest excuse -- whether I see a shapely girl online, or a young woman on the street!

    At the emotional level, I feel a strong sense of deprival.

    My feeling is that when sex was unavailable, I didn't quite miss it. When it *is* available, and denied to me, I feel very terrible about it.

    It was only when I met another mature lady, who was more open about her sexuality, and her need for sex, that I came to terms with my own needs. For many of the past years, I was just in denial about this, and wondered what was wrong with me!

    So, women, please don't deny your husbands/partners of their physical needs. It will make them much better persons, and much better in their relationship with you. A lot of the "inexplicable" breakdowns in relationships, violence among couples, etc (not trying to justify this) are often due to a mismatch in sexual needs. And we make things worse by our lack of understanding on this front.

    (The only plus point of being sex-deprived sometimes: it makes me more creative. If I'm too satiated, then I tend to be too ingrossed with self and domesticity, which isn't very fulfilling either!)

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 08 January 2013 08:01 posted by Guest

    It's a question I have asked myself, and I'm a man: I have no idea what sex drive is. I'm 38 yr old and my first sexual experience was at 27. I remember in high school I felt about female body as something giving me such strong emotions that I have never been able to come close to a girl to dance with her (by that time people were dancing tight if you remember). The girls were even pulling me by hands to come dance with them, it was beyond me to come that close to them, I would have crumbled of too intense sexual emotions. The female body appeared to me to be a huge sexual attractive and very intense thing. But I never had a single sexual impulsion. When I got in a relationship for the first time (at 27) it lasted a couple of years. It worked like this: I liked having sex very much and I was attracted to her body because I knew it. But at no moment I was feeling like a 'pressure' inside or similar. I she was in bed near me I would feel like an attraction. Still today, when I'm single, when I look to a women in the street I almost never felt I'd like to sleep with that women. But again, maybe I'm something different than the other guys. I noticed when I look to a woman, I look first at her legs to see if they are thin, and then I look to her eyes to see if I like her look. I instinctively do so and when I see the other guys looking at a female like to a piece of meat, I feel there is something wrong with me.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 11 November 2012 00:31 posted by Guest

    Interesting, I actually seem: Interesting, I actually seem to crave sex more than my husband. At least I am the one usually initiating it. I never get denied and am thanked always for it lol, which is a win win for me. I wish we could do it more often, but life and work schedules forbid us. He does initiate it every so often, but he by no means ever seems deprived. It feels like a need for me. I get the urge to be released and sometimes get frustrated that I have to wait for the right time lol. My husband is very attentive to pleasuring me, so that may be where the difference lies. Sex has never in my eleven years felt like a duty or chore. There are times when I want to only pleasure him, yet he is insistent in being reciprocal. I don't think sex is so much a "need" as more of a natural desire that we can grow addicted to if we receive it often. Just like we can survive three weeks without food, we get headaches and lightheaded after one missed meal. We have grown accustomed to it. I imagine your husband is accustomed to receiving frequent sex and doesn't enjoy any amount of withdrawals. Encourage him make sure you are left satisfied with every session that way sex will never feel like a duty, but something you both mutually share in enjoyment. You may find that you are the one harassing him more often for it ;)

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 21 October 2012 20:59 posted by Guest

    I agree...partially : Well, some of this post is correct.

    Let me just say that, as a heterosexual single 26yr old woman who has been sexually active for the last 6yrs...sex is wonderful. In my own personal categorization, sex is a definite NEED, not a want. I have a fairly stable lover right now, but due to our busy workloads, this means we have sex (at most) twice a week. I would prefer to have it 4 or 5 times a week, but obviously that is not possible. I really have no idea how I'd be able to handle the pain and frustration of not having sex. This poster seems to think that us females don't experience any pain from lack of sexual release...nothing could be further from the truth! I'll honestly say that there IS a female version of "blue balls" and it is a horrible thing to suffer through. I feel very sorry for people whose lovers/spouses can't (or worse, won't) give them the release they so desperately need.

    Now, this poster seems to believe that while women have a 28 day hormonal cycle, men have a 24 hour one. This is incorrect...men have a hormonal cycle of about a week, which has little to do with how quickly they can regenerate semen (which is usually 1 tablespoon in a 32 hour period). He also seems to believe that women's hormones cause us to ALWAYS cramp. As a woman who first started menstruating at age 10, I can honestly say that I've NEVER had cramps, bloating, migraines, cravings, mood swings, etc. Other than the 4 days of bleeding, my life is 100% completely the same as usual. Perhaps it's because I'm vegetarian, or because I'm a tomboy to this very day...but these absolute horror stories of rampant PMS and horrendous cramps has never been my experience. I thank the Goddess and God for this blessing anytime I hear about other women.

    This gent has some good ideas, no doubt. But he does need to realize that the Gods made us as individuals in Their images...and each of us has our own bodies and minds. Generalization works for some topics...but certainly not this particular one!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 03 October 2012 19:21 posted by Guest

    not exactly : I recommend those interested or concerned about these issues read the materials on the website 'your brain on porn'. Men's desire for sex is by no means comparable to a woman's menstrual cycle. Men's sexual desires are more similar to addictions to drugs or alcohol or other addictions. Like addictions, sexual desire can get out of control and dominate a man's life, and lead to ED and other problems. But men can also assert mental control over these desires. "Blue balls" is vasocongestion and is also a reaction that men can control and prevent, once he knows what causes this problem and can anticipate it. The OP's description sounds like her H was somewhat sex addicted and a somewhat domineering type, and that's why the OP is writing this, she sensed intuitively that something was wrong about this pattern.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 22 August 2012 18:36 posted by Guest

    It is biological: Just as women experience a hormone rush that causes them to cramp and flow, men are building up sperm every minute of the day and hormones cause men to "feel" sexual desire as well as the need to release the sperm. A woman's hormonal cycle is 1 month, a man's hormonal cycle is every day. Although it is common for sex to be at the time we go to bed, a man is actually at his daily hormonal peak first thing in the morning for some reason - so that is why we get "morning-wood". Do you hubby's a favor and take care of them first thing in the morning sometimes. If release doesn't happen for several days - the buildup does become uncomfortable...even further reminding us to have sex - with or without our woman, and that is why when a woman says no to her man - there is still a need to release whether she is up for helping or not. It is commendable that you do not turn your hubby down Megan, I would appreciate that from my wife for sure. If we don't take care of our needs to release then eventually it will leak out when we urinate or as a "wet-dream" or just all by itself throughout the day. But - there are emotional and physical benefits to taking care of it through regular sex - dopamine, oxytocin and, Vasopressin, and other hormones are released that cause a bond with your mate and help regulate for a healthy body.

    I feel that God designed men this way, to have this desire to mate and bond and repeat the cycle over and over so that we stay together with our mate.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 05 July 2012 06:10 posted by Guest

    There Is Truth: There is truth to what her husband is saying, on two levels. 1) Men have emotional cycles that do involve the strong physical desire for intimacy. When the availability for this physical intimacy is available and denied it can negatively affect his mood. 2) On an even more physical note, if your husband is attracted to you, and he has sexual feelings for you, these produce physical reactions. No release, and there is a deep ach in the groin and testicles that is referred to in the streets as Blue Balls. This is a real physical condition. It can be painful, and is only permanently relieved through orgasmic release.
    Nothing is more frustrating as having a need, the answer is within grasp, and you ate constantly told no.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 10 May 2011 23:28 posted by Guest

    Just as all people are: Just as all people are different, so are their sexual preferences. A man can abstain for years, perhaps even his entire life, from sex, if he has the discipline, and a good reason to. Healthy as sex can be for us, it is a double-edged sword like all things. The passion between lovers can involve more than two people, extending to numerous others beyond the knowledge of participants. This translates to the possibility of your man having multiple partners with you not knowing about it.

    But, before I go way off on some rant, I will say this; as a 27 year old virgin man, who is straight, sex isn't the most important thing in the world to me, due in part to my ignorance of it, and the fact that I am not a huge risk taker. Excuses excuses. I know.

    Sex is important on a biological level, given how without sex, we wouldn't be here, and self-confidence often depends on our sex lives. However, I am the type who wants to "wait for the right time to have sex", yet there have been numerous personal issues I've dealt with keeping me from all that. I will not go on about them here, since no one really needs/wants to hear about it.

    Really, it is up to a person's choice in the matter of how much sex they have, but our own sex drive will effect decision making, overall. I concur with a man's ability to separate sex from emotional attachment, but some guys do get a bit clingy, or "whooped", if you prefer.

    The variables are infinite, but yes, a man can control himself if he has practice at it. We can be very faithful, so long as we are treated as worthwhile individuals with the respect for our own personal needs.

  • Comment Link rowan Sunday, 27 February 2011 13:37 posted by rowan

    She is not joking. I also: She is not joking. I also believed this. I believed that to keep a marriage going, you keep your man happy and he will never stray... They even joke about being "ruled" by it. The problem is that they have an infinite capacity for it which allows them to not only enjoy it with you every night (and every morning), but also every afternoon and after work with someone else. They are living like the top dog and we are the fools....

  • Comment Link wmb Tuesday, 22 February 2011 06:51 posted by wmb

    My husband has in not so many: My husband has in not so many words tried to lead me to the same conclusion. What I think is that they believe it, which justifies their actions to themselves. In reality, they can wait without dying they just don't want to. In my husband's case a lot of things are all about him so it's not surprising that he thinks this way about sex too. An occasional "doing it" just for him is good but don't make it a habit or you will resent him. I know this cause I've been down this road. Take care.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 19 February 2011 11:53 posted by Guest

    I keep thinking this post is: I keep thinking this post is a joke. Are you serious? Do you really believe that? Obviously you are starting to doubt or you would not have posted! You poor thing..... Once you get older, it will be the reverse!