At last. You’re finally divorced. Finally single. Ready to date. And scared to death. How long has it been? Five ten, maybe over twenty years? You don’t even know where to begin or what or who to look for. We know. We know. Just the thought of spending one minute with a “waste of time guy” is stressing you out. Who needs it? Right? But then again, if you have a sense of wonder AND humor, oh the fun you can have!
So, here are some suggestions on what to look for now that you’ll be out and about. Young or old, the choice is yours! Be smart. Be brave. But, most importantly, be open, ‘cause you just never know. You go, girl!
THE ARTIST (includes writers, actors, painters, sculptors, musicians): This one probably practices holistic medicine but the basic characteristics remain the same as days gone by: no money, a diet of bean sprouts, natural peanut butter and unsalted almonds, and a group of stimulating, esoteric friends who sit around in the lotus position discussing the Dali Lama’s most recent book. You won't have to invest in the latest fashion, because you'll always be properly dressed in anything you’ve ever owned and are even thinking about giving to Goodwill! CAUTION: DO NOT become a benefactor - unless you have a trust fund!
THE YOUNG PROFESSIONAL: Alas. He owns a three-piece suit. So, just like your backpack, he can go anywhere. McDonalds is no longer his hang out as he now frequents a restaurant where the maitre d' recognizes him, and even knows his name! You’ll make quite a hit at his corporate parties because the guest list includes his senior partners whose wives have been trying to get him in the sack for months! His habitat is usually a large urban area, so while he's at the office you can have your pick of any beauty treatment available!
THE BLUE COLLAR MAN: Likes to bowl and brawl. Throw away your Martha Stewart cookbook. This man usually likes a good old-fashioned sandwich filled with fat and cholesterol. However, if you want to feel wickedly sexy and simply natural, this man, with his beefy macho, animalistic characteristics, will fit the bill and might even moonlight at some place you don’t even want to know about! He thinks his lack of inhibition can't keep him down so, don’t be shy - throw away your inhibitions.
THE YOUNG JOCK: It isn't always easy to date a Younger Man who is in incredible shape, but your treadmill has given you a smidgen of stamina, so, what the hell!! You’re no competition ‘cause you’re not THAT perfect and he still gets to be the star physical specimen. Believe it or not the YJ (although he’d never tell his “spotting” buddy) likes his women soft! And your body is probably the only soft bod he’s felt since he was a babe in arms. The YJ is literally a breath of fresh air and with him, you'll get plenty of it all year 'round
However, if there's good powder or the surfs up, forget about being the first choice of the day. His apartment looks like Gold's Gym, his pantry is chock-full of vitamins and his refrigerator is loaded with all kinds of strange, pasty-tasting concoctions that are the consistency of the last mud-pack you got in an effort to rid of your crow's feet. But if you can name just one Broadway show, he’ll probably consider you fabulously cultured and be in awe of your sophistication. This incredible knowledge makes up for your not-so-hard-body and the usually required 98 percent muscle, 2 percent fat is waved!
THE COWBOY: Drives a dusty pick-up, wears faded denim, starched white shirts, a bola tie and, of course, the trusty hat. Acquire a taste for chicken-fried steak and ribs, learn to drink pitchers of beer and order every line-dance video that you've ever seen advertised on cable! And don’t forget to learn “rodeo” jargon. CAUTION: His snakeskin boots are the "real" thing, so he might just track in the "real" stuff into your just vacuumed living room.
THE SOUTHERN MAN: Comes in two varieties: One who speaks with a drawl, calls you "Sugah," and sips mint juleps. The other belongs to the NRA and rents James Dickey's Deliverance regularly. Your choice depends upon whether you want to be the "belle of the ball" or the "queen of the mountain."
THE JEWISH MAN: See description of YOUNG PROFESSIONAL. Add a guilt session to your social calendar at least once a week and learn how to make chicken soup.
THE CATHOLIC MAN: Ditto on the guilt, but may not be a professional!
THE MORMON: Doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, but makin’ babies is a church edict. So, if you contemplate marriage, make sure that you want to be the next “Mother Earth.”
THE FOREIGN MAN : Has already learned his sexual prowess - at a very young age - from older women, and that’s a good thing! A newly arrived foreign man can be found waiting tables at Five Star restaurants (although he may have a medical or engineering degree in his homeland), or often at resorts where he’s a ski instructor or tennis pro. A smooth romancer who will stare deep into your eyes and whisper sweet nothings in a delicious accent that just might melt your cellulite! That alone is worth one date! CAUTION: Under no circumstances do you know what a Green Card is!
THE TECHNICIAN: It used to be the plumber and construction workers that had you fantasizing. Now it’s that quiet, computer nerd who seems to be capable of repairing all kinds of sophisticated machinery – including your sophisticated self! You never seem know what he’s thinking, but his secretive smile, inquisitive manner and nimble fingers say enough. What’s more, he’ll only be unfaithful with some new software.
Sincerely ............ Brenda Himmelfarb :)