Forgiveness... It's my main objective right now so that I can move forward. Once I forgive, I can accept. Once I accept I am free. Free of the weight of the guilt I have for giving up on my marriage. For saying it's just enough. Time to move on.
It's ok. I have been a good mother and faithful wife. I tried to do what I thought was best. I fought for my marriage when I felt it slipping away from me. But, I got to my breaking point. I decided I needed to get out of this relationship because I was not happy with it, and I wasn't happy with who I had become.
Have you ever noticed how we become like those we surround ourselves with? When he fought dirty, I felt I had to do the same. That's not me. I don't like to fight, period. Let alone have to get nasty and call names. I was becoming angry, just like him. He wasn't happy, so I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to make him happier so we could all be happier. Now I realize all I can do is work on my own happiness. He is responsible for his own. I still struggle with that one. I want to take away his pain, even now.
But I am learning to let that feeling go. I need to take care of myself now. I need to work on forgiving myself for my own shortcomings so that I may learn from them and become a stronger person. Forgiving him... I'm not sure if I need to do that. I just need to let it all go. It doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done.
So today is the first day of forgiving myself. The weight on my heart already feels a bit lighter...