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Christmas is going to be rough if it's your first since the breakup. But the truth is that you can survive regardless of whether your STBX is living in the same house or whether they are off partying with their personal version of NEXT.
Here are five rules to follow as you move into your Holiday season:

  1. "THEY" [ya' know who 'they' are] are going to have a "fabulous" Christmas. Or at the very least that's the story they are going to stick to as long as you fail to follow the rules of "how to hang up on a troll". It doesn't matter how much analysis you put into whether their Xmas is "fantabulous" or not, they will always say it was perfect without you.
  2. You can have a "fantabulous" christmas regardless of whether they are there or not. So you life sucks right now. So you've had a rotten year and feel downtrodden. It's Christmas. That means you get to decide if STBX is your reason for the season or whether your new life is something to celebrate! Personally I'd rather have a party then a wake. But that's just me. Set aside your anger and pain for 24 hrs and Party!
  3. Your kids still see magic in christmas even if it's 'just another day' for you as a mom. Make a treasure hunt. Put in that "little bit extra" and make it special for them. The dollar store is an awesome place for a low budget but awesome treasure trove. Remember that this holiday will be one they remember as the 'first one w/o dad/mom" being together. So give them a reason to still look back on it fondly.
  4. It is never too late to go to a party. If you get an invite on Christmas day, don't sit back and use the excuse that "i have nothing to wear". Do what you can or show up as you must. But GET OUT. Don't let yourself have a pity party. Refer to number 2 and PARTY!!1
  5. Don't put yourself on the road to failure. That means don't set your expectations so high they can't possibly come true. This is applicable to presents, people, or parties. Have realistic expectations and then strive to meet them. That way at the end of the day you can look back and not have stressed and not have spent it all day in the kitchen either.
  6. Remember, Christmas is about family and fun and memories. You still have some of each whether that means your kids, your close friends, or your new efforts at new traditions.

Merry Christmas, from one divorcee to another! Keep your chin up, you'll be fine.
P.S. 2 movies to avoid this holiday season: It's a wonderful life and Scrooge. While they bear wonderful tales of hope despite all odds, they are also real downers in so many ways. Keep a positive upbeat attitude and watch Groundhog day. Same lessons, more laughter!

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  • Comment Link Tessa Monday, 19 December 2011 21:51 posted by Tessa

    Thank you!: I had been dreading this Christmas. My first one since the split and him with his OW. I keep thinking they are going to have this fantastic time together. As is he as has suddenly morphed into an amazingly romantic guy he wasn't with me. So I wanted the holidays to fly by. I still do. But I also know the joy of spending it with my daughter and not having his mood or ass**** attitude ruin my day will be well worth getting through it all. What an amazing feeling when with every step I let go just a little more of the negative. Some days are still hard.....but better.
    Merry Christmas.