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Smart. Knowledgeable. A ‘no bullshit’ kind of woman. This is the kind of girlfriend / e-friend I think every divorcing woman needs to have in her corner during her divorce.

I’m not saying it’s the only kind of friend we need. There are those whose shoulders we cry on, those who provide spiritual insight, those who make us laugh, and so on.

But divorce oftentimes requires us to be stronger and smarter than we think we are. Some matters even require us to be tough. And depending on where you’re coming from, in terms of both your marriage AND your life experiences, your tendency (and character) may be to put everyone else’s needs before your own, let fear and worry keep you stuck, and let good intentions and lots of prayers alone decide your destiny. THAT’S where the support of a smart, knowledgeable, no-bullshit girlfriend comes in.

My best friend Hali is one such woman. And I must admit that at the beginning of our divorces (we went through them at the same time), I often found her approach too aggressive. Whether she was dealing with legal matters, her ex, or issues around their parenting schedule, she always grabbed the bull by the proverbial horns and said, “This is what I want, I think this is fair and reasonable, I’ll seek legal counsel if need be, but I do, and will continue to, trust my instincts.” I, on the other hand, was the opposite. I never pushed, never shoved, and trusted that all would “work itself out” cause I was a good person, so was my ex, and these things take time…

Sometimes Hali’s opinion about how I handled my divorce aggravated me. After all, her opinions and her approach were just that — HERS, not mine. And I found her methods and attitude too ‘masculine.’

But thank God, THANK GOD, she devoutly stood at my side even when I was going nowhere fast. Thank God she continued to offer her guidance and opinion, even when I wasn’t ready to hear them. Cause you know what? I NEEDED someone like her in my corner to help me find my backbone. I NEEDED someone to calm me down and reassure me that my ex’s behavior was unacceptable. I NEEDED someone to remind me that the money I was spending on legal action was WELL-SPENT, that I and my children were entitled to an arrangement that was FAIR, and that I DID have the courage and strength to grab MY life by the horns and fight for what was right. 

Ultimately, my best friend Hali helped me find the smart, knowledgeable, no-bullshit woman in ME.

 

 

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  • Comment Link emilygirl Tuesday, 10 January 2012 21:29 posted by emilygirl

    A girl's gotta have a best friend: I have a best friend who does the same thing for me (and i do it for her too). She is not always the most reliable person in general, but we can always rely on each other to give honest, forthright, blunt, sometimes unwelcome necessary advice. For a couple months before i realized my marriage was not working she and i were not talking because we had had a falling out. Right when i started to need her, she popped back into my life without even know what was going on. I'm so thankful she came back when she did. She has been my rock. She's made me laugh when no one else can. She's treated me like a normal person when everyone was either shunning me or on eggshells around me. I needed her then, and i need her now. I could have done it without a best friend, but it would have taken much more inner strength from within myself.