Today I want to talk about a moment during sex that many of you probably haven’t analyzed before: That is, the moment of initial physical mergence. Cause you see, a close divorcing girlfriend of mine recently took a new lover whose ‘entrance’ made her roll her eyes…with annoyance.
To use an analogy, his ongoing technique resembled a Samsung Sewing Machine flicked on at high speed: da-da-da-da-da — you get the picture. Even when she gave him subtle hints of what she wanted, ie, murmuring to ”go slow’ or holding him tight and close, he quick tailed it back into fast-gear.
As my girlfriend and I discussed this ‘never-been-talked-about-before’ topic, we both agreed on one thing: this wondrous moment is best approached slowly — at least to the point where there is "pause". Cause the initial moment of conjoining, of being filled and consumed, is one where our longing and arousal turn into surrender — we have offered the deepest part of our physical Self to another being. Even if it’s non-love sex, this is one of the most powerful and intense moments a couple can share.
We’d both assumed that men felt much the same way about it; that knowing that a woman was giving herself to him, that he was now connected to her and her sweet pleasure was his to enjoy, was a realization AND sensation he intuitively needed to fully savor.
So now, as my girlfriend and I continue to explore this vast, semi-wacky world of dating/sex post-divorce, I can’t but wonder: Do most people think there is a "right" way and a "wrong" way for a man and women to conjoin? Did we wrongly assume that this moment was as special to men as it is to women? And oh no — how many more men out there think this is how women like it?
My girlfriend was well-aware that she might have explained her needs to him more clearly. You know — maybe talked about it with him in the afterglow of a session: or clearly, yet seductively stated what she wanted while wearing something lacy…
But the truth was that she wasn’t that into him anyway and felt too impatient to invest the extra effort. As she put it: “There’s some things a 41-year-old woman shouldn’t have to say to a full-grown man.”
What do you think?