I've been staring at my computer screen for the past 20 minutes trying to think of how I can write what is going through my head right now with regard to my marriage. Just when I think I have a cognizant thought, I dismiss it as stupid.
"Maybe I should write about how sad I am that my marriage is the way it is," I think to myself, and then I dismiss it because I don't want to feel even sadder by putting it into words.
"I know; I'll write about how I wonder if I have some sort of sexual dysfunction because I don't want my husband to touch me and the thought of having sex with him makes me want to cry." Then I think about how writing about not wanting sex with my husband makes me feel like less of a woman, so I disregard the thought.
I would write about how I feel like I'm downright stuck, and how nothing in my life has really turned out the way I once thought it would, but I don't know if I can put that into the right words to sound less like whining and more like I'm being profound.
You see, when nothing seems to make sense anymore it gets a little harder to try to package it all up into a brief summary. If I simply typed what's going through my mind it would me a mishmash of "I'm confused!/How do I fix things?/I don't think I can take this./Help me!" Generally I like to be a little more eloquent in my writing than just a stream of consciousness filled with Woe Is Me and desperate cries for help.
Sometimes, though, I take a step back and look at my life and I'm thoroughly confused as to how things have gotten to where they are today.