I've been husbandless for almost a week now. He's overseas on a work assignment and he'll be there for a year. He'll visit every few months, but essentially the kids and I are on our own. Things have been a little tricky as the kids adjust to not having Daddy around.
I was hoping that once my husband was gone I would miss him. I hoped I would have trouble sleeping because I would miss him in bed. I hoped I would look at the clock longingly right around the time he would usually come home from work. After the last few years of strained relations, I was hoping that his being gone would turn into some epiphany…something along the lines of "Wait just a minute here, I really do miss him. I don't want to be without him."
So far I have yet to experience my epiphany. Granted, it's pretty early, but yesterday I was chatting with a friend who asked me how everything is going. I gave the standard answer of how we're hanging in there, it's hard on the kids, blah, blah, blah, but then she paused and gave me a quizzical look. "You know," she said, "you actually seem a lot more relaxed."
I don't suppose it's a good sign when a woman becomes noticeably more relaxed when her husband moves away for a year.
I desperately want to miss him. I want to have a huge epiphany. Please oh please let me start missing him soon, otherwise I won't be able to justify this relationship for much longer.