Inspiration, Encouragement & Strength
join a community of support ›

Community Talk

Community Talk makes it easy for you to find relevant, informative articles from First Wives World's leading contributors, all in one place. All content is hand picked by First Wives World and covers a wide range of topics important to you.


Back to Article List

Filter Articles By:  

Think there's nothing you can do about an unfair divorce settlement? Think again! Debbie and legal expert Laurie Puhn discuss the little-known facts surrounding renegotiating a divorce settlement.

Click the following to return to the Divorce Resource Directory.

Back to Article List


Leave a comment

12 comments

  • Comment Link Gabriela Bonilla Thursday, 07 April 2016 22:30 posted by Gabriela Bonilla

    My friend just went through an unfair divorce settlement. His Lawyer didn't help him. He went to the court for a child support recalculation and it turned out that the lawyers and the judge decide to end the divorce. He is a very good man and he is shy.
    He told me that when he got into the court room, the judge told him how things will be settle without giving him the right to talk for himself. He has no visitations scheduled with his kids, no holidays arangements and none of the things he discussed with his lawyer were not answered. Shall he file a complaint against the lawyer? What is the best thing to do.

  • Comment Link The Reverend/Vicar of the Parish Monday, 18 January 2016 17:04 posted by The Reverend/Vicar of the Parish

    As a pastor, I have several parishioners who have gone through a divorce and one, is very upset about the settlement his wife received. I would love to connect the two of you and for him to learn whatever ideas/advice you can supply for him. As a man of the cloth, this is totally out of my league, however a lot of my talks with him are filled with how unfairly he was treated and the circumstances of their divorce (which do not involve infidelity, abuse, or the normal problems I see.) He's a nice man who gave it all away in a settlement because he had a bad lawyer and is need of some education and reprieve. I appreciate any links you may provide and a way I can connect the two of you. Sincerely, Vicar of the Parish.

  • Comment Link J Tuesday, 24 February 2015 00:45 posted by J

    What if my child payments were based on my ex's salary at the time of our divorce. She was only making $19K per/year and now she's making well over that amount yet I'm still paying the same amount. $320 per/week!

  • Comment Link Robin Griffin Tuesday, 06 August 2013 05:39 posted by Robin Griffin

    I too have been going through a divorce with a narcissist. Unfortunately the judge whose courtroom I am in doesn't see this. My now ex has always refused and continues to refuse to negotiate. He loves to file court motions and haul me back into court every six months. The court personnel know me by name now. His newest and latest thing....the community property. Of course he feels he should have everything and I left with nothing. And all this after he had an affair and abandoned us. Uggh! I feel like there is nobody out there who can help.

  • Comment Link Desperate in Texas Tuesday, 16 July 2013 17:05 posted by Desperate in Texas

    My ex-husband lives in Zurich, I live in Texas and together we have one almost 8 year old child who is forced to go with him to Europe every summer for 4-5 weeks. Currently, our settlement dictates that he gets access to her 3-4 times a year, with the longest period of time being over summer. We got divorced when my child was about to turn 5, so this is now the 3rd year that she is traveling abroad with him. It is very, very traumatic for my daughter. My ex-husband was never the most affectionate or concientious type and she claims to hate summer and hates her trips with him. She starts worrying a few weeks before he comes to pick her up and when she returns, she's so upset, so emotionally disturbed that I have to get her into therapy. Even her teachers realized last year when she started school that she was not herself. Typically, she is very bright, focused and social and when she returned last summer she was withdrawn, shy, easily distracted and disruptive in class. I know this is directely related to the emotional issues she's dealing with because of this divorce and her forced summers away. Is there anything I can do to try to restrict his summer visits to only 3 weeks as opposed to 4? I hate to see her go through so much turmoil and sadness. He thinks she's completely fine but he doesn't recognize how much she struggles when she returns. I'm the one left to pick up the pieces and by the time I feel like she is happy, well-adjusted and content, she has to go away with him again. Now, he's getting remarried to a woman who has an 8 year old child. According to my daughter, her future step-sister is a domineering bully. I cannot take anymore. I need to take action. Thank you in advance for listening. *Desperate in Texas*

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 31 December 2012 22:22 posted by Guest

    Narcissism and Family Law: It is very scary. You must take care of yourself while going through the divorce process. I was married to an extreme narcissist for over 20 years. I only started reading about the disorder during the last year of our marriage. Until then, he had me convinced that I was the crazy one. We have been divorced for almost three years now, and it still isn't over. He refuses to pay my property settlement, and defaulted on two business loans that I was a guarantor on. I never worked during our marriage, and had no assets of my own. We live in a community property state. Right now I am being sued for over $4 mil because of him. He was supposedto have me indemnified, and held harmless of these debts. He doesn't even care about how this affects our kids. For the first time in my life, I find myself looking in to bankruptcy as a means for survival.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 27 December 2012 19:27 posted by Guest

    Dont feel bad, I did then: Dont feel bad, I did then same thing. The only blessing is that I had no children with this man. I was married for 10 years and owned 2 businesses that I was frozen out of. Now 2 1/2 years later we are renegotiating the terms of the divorce that HE wanted and i willing agreed to because i was exhauested. now Im ready to fight for what is rightfully mine. Congrats by the way! You are a very strong woman and you will be rewarded greatly for all the sacracices you have made in the name of your precious children. They know whats going on. Children are very smart like that!!!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 04 December 2012 05:42 posted by Guest

    Narcissism and Family Law: This really is scary and I am going through it right now. I have just learned months ago about Narcissitic Personality Disorder. It took me 19 years of marriage to finally get it that 'he' really has no empathy and never will. He is above the law and has started the divorce showing this. I just shocked at how many more are out there like this. They really are dangerous people and are very good at getting by with the evil they do. Their flesh and blood are no exception. Our five kids even tire from the lies and the temper tantrums they have experience when dad isn't whorshipped. The nasty things he can say to them. Sometimes he later will come back and say "I apologize if....". Sounds like he is talking to a client, not his child. WE NEED HELP AMERICA!!!!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 01 August 2012 19:52 posted by Guest

    Narcissism and Family Law: You cannot I repeat cannot negotiate nor renegotiate anything with a vindictive , legally trained narcissist ex. The system is not able to deal with this personality disorder. None of the laws that apply to 99% of divorcing couple apply to a divorce involving a narcissist. This is a serious matter than can destroy lives .Attorneys and judges need to be well versed and educated about dealing with a narcissist in a divorce proceeding.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 20 September 2011 01:23 posted by Guest

    Lop sided settlement: I live in California. I decided to divorce my husband of 20 years late in 09. We have 4 children, all at home. The friction and volatility of our relationship had become more than I could bear. I am extremely intimidated by him even today. I have always felt that he would prevail in any conflict and that I was helpless. This feeling took many years to develop. It is what it is. We owed a business for the last 17 years that has always supported us and provided us with a 5 bedroom home in a decent neighborhood, complete with boat, newer motorhome, toys etc. His vow to make sure I received nothing was reinforced by his vow to quit working and have no income to show or provide for the children if I came after him for any of his precious stuff or money. He refused any support initially, and only after I secured an attorney,(an elderly family friend) did he agree to give me 1500 per month. His income from the family business averages from 8-11K per mo. My rent was as cheap as I could find for a 4 bedroom,$2100 and that left my 10 year old sleeping with me. Shuttling my kids to and from school, soccer, cheer etc meant that I had few options for employment, now that I had been outed from the family business. My attorney failed to secure temporary orders from the court and my husband pressured me to sign off on virtually everything. I did. I gave away rights to his pension, our home, the business, possessions, in exchange for our 2 br rental condo (30K equity)$20K cash, $1500 per mo child support and $300 alimony. I signed feeling that I would never see more. The divorce had drug out for a year and I was exhausted. My attorney didn't see to any of the legal details like changing of the vesting of the condo, etc. The condo remains in my ex husbands name, his 5K intial payment was the last I was to see. No alimony payments were ever received and the child support is late every month. The 50% visitation established has never been seen and I have the kids 90% of the time. He rarely sees the older children and only picks up our 10 year old son when he feels like it with no schedule at all. I have absorbed all extra costs for the kids uniforms, medical co pays, kids braces etc with no recompensation as would be per our agreement. He sits in our empty 5 bedroom home a mile away from me while I "bust my butt" to keep the rented roof over our children's heads. He takes great delight at my struggle and tells my children that I'm a deserving slut. He says that he will provide for them only if they agree to live with him exclusively. I continue to run my CCs up for groceries because I just cant make it work otherwise. Im running out of options. I realize now that I screwed up by signing off. CA would have given me half of everything and probably our home if I just stepped aside and got out of the way. I just couldn't take this bully on one more time. Is there anything I can do now that I've come to my senses? He's laughing at me.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 20 January 2011 21:31 posted by Guest

    Lawyer told false information to close the case...: My exhusband continues to appeal our divorce because I have a Retirement fund and 401k that was cashed in last year. I received $12,000 last year and the money is gone at this time. He has been on unemployment and sometimes jobless. I have always taken care of the bills. Through the final divorce hearing and the first appeal I was awarded the retirement fund and my 401K. Now he went and appealed with the WI Court of Appeals. If I waited until I was 59 (30 years away) I would have been given $$33,00 but because I cashed it out early I only received $12,000. My exhusband's attorney hired an expert who would testify that he was due $15,000. The week before our final hearing (the third final hearing in this matter really), my exhusband requests a negotiation session. His attorney said he would accept $3,000 and unsupervised visitation of our daughter-which I told him I needed to think about. My attorney told me that because that amountn is marital property I could file that debt along with my current bankruptcy. But because I did not make the decision that day, he changed his mind and then demanded $11,000 and GAL already told him she was granting unsupervised visitation. I told my lawyer I wanted to see what the judge would decide. My lawyer told me he did not want to spend 4 hours in court fighting an amount I was going to wright off in the bankruptcy. My exhusband finally agreed to $7500 with $100 monthly payments with interest. I have been researching some rules with bankruptcy and that rules say that a divorce decree can not be written off in bankruptcy. So I feel that my lawyer told me some bad advise so he did not have to go to court and close the case. Was my attorney correct when he told me that I could write that debt off?

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 07 February 2009 21:03 posted by Guest

    divorce settlement: I have recently gotten a divorce and the martial home was awarded to my ex-wife.
    The problem is the house was appraised for 136000.00 and $52000.00 was owed on it. In the divorce hearing I suggested 1. that I would take the home and pay her half of the apprisal value minus the loan, or 2. she take the house and pay the loan removing me from the loan before signing the property over to her and the divorce to be final. or 3. We sale the property and divide the proceeds after paying the loan.
    The court had heard her say she was not employed and had not kept a jobfor twenty years and yet they awarded her the property knowing she had no income. The decree states that she was to pay the mortage starting in November 2008, and she would refinance the property without causing any rating on my credit rating, and if she could not refinance before June 2009 she would have to put the property up for sale. Well I have made the payments un till february 2009 and now I have quit and I am getting foreclosure notices from the lending agency, The exwife has made no attempt to pay any thing and the divirce has no teeth in it to make her comply with it.
    WHAT CAN I DO TO SAVE MY CREDIT RATING AND GET AWAY FROM THE DEBT SHE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR