There is an online site called divorcebusting where women who are trying to save their marriage go for support. I was reading posts on this site and there seems to be one thing the women posting have in common. They are all waiting...
Waiting for their husband's midlife crisis to pass,
Waiting for his affair to end,
Waiting for him to come to his senses,
Waiting for the pain to lessen,
Waiting for life to get back to normal.
If I could say one thing to those women or any woman who is divorced and hoping to restore her marriage, it would be, go ahead and wait. Wait but in the meantime live life wholeheartedly. Live life so wonderfully well that when the thing you have been waiting for happens it will be nothing more than a gentle shiver in a life exquisitely established without it.
Out of the darkness of an unwanted divorce, it is possible to find moments of joy. All it takes is effort. The effort that comes with realizing you can't fix him and shouldn't really have to. You can, however, fix yourself by choosing to live a life without compromise.
As Ghandi said, "In the midst of darkness, light persists." Be persistent in the pursuit of light. Pay close attention to the small moments of joy. Don't fail to appreciate them just because you may have days where getting through seems too much to bare. Don't allow the waiting to get in the way of the thrill that comes from experiencing new beginnings and new opportunities.
An unwanted divorce can dismantle your optimism and upset your equilibrium. It can take the wind out of your sails and you will find yourself dead in the water. If you ever want to make it to the shore of singledom, learn the art of persistence. Explore who you are, mind, spirit and body. Build up your strength, be tenacious about not letting someone else's choices control how much light you have in your life.
One day you will discover that the waiting is over. You will find that it doesn't matter if he ends his affair, or wakes up from his midlife crises or comes to his senses. Because, while you were "waiting" you will have built a life in which his presence is not necessary for you to be happy.
Click the following for a directory of articles to help you keep a healthy mind and spirit through divorce.
Cathy heads up About.com's Divorce Support channel. Go to About.com's Divorce Channel to hear more from her.