If you are a woman, you know the virtues of surrounding yourself with girlfriends. From high school through college, a girl knows she needs friends to count on when a crisis arises. The nice thing about crisis in our younger years is that they were easily remedied and friends were always close by.
Divorce changes relationships — even relationships with friends you thought would always be there. You may have moments of feeling abandoned and wondering why some friends aren't calling or offering support. You may grapple with deciding who you can confide in and who you should keep at arms' length. You may find yourself having to redefine the word "friendship" and exactly what you want from it.
Women are often told to surround themselves with a good support system during the divorce process. What we aren't told is that, just because someone is a friend doesn't mean they will be offering the right kind of support. Friends mean well, but they can also exacerbate conflict in their misguided attempt to support.
You will be counting on your girlfriends to keep you grounded during the divorce process. It will benefit you to make sure the ones you confide in and lean on are looking out for your best interests. Below is a list of the kind of girlfriend you are going to need. Believe me, they won't have a problem with you taking advantage of the strengths they have to offer. Keep their phone numbers on speed dial!
- The friend who is always up for a cocktail, no matter what day, what time. A good friend to have.
- The friend is a computer genius. Invaluable!!
- Hold on tight to the friends who start calling and e-mailing more often once they hear the news of your divorce. Unless of course they are only doing it out of morbid curiosity. You will know the difference.
- We all have girlfriends who think we are creative, intelligent, attractive and just down right perfect and they don't hesitate to tell us so. You are going to need those affirmations to shore you up on days you are full of doubt. Stay open to receiving them.
- Friends who invite you to dinner or for a weekend at the beach. They will help keep loneliness at bay, because of them you will feel part of something instead of alone with your problems.
- The friend who has been through divorce herself. She has been there and done that and has lived through what you are going to go through. It is always nice to be able to reap the rewards of someone else's experience.
- Then there are the friends who are available to listen whenever you need to talk. You can keep them on the phone for hours and their part of the conversation will consist of a few uh-huh's, a couple of your right's and a lot of listening. You are going to want to talk and the friend who knows how to listen will become your most valuable resource.
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